I can’t wait for the day I hear your little heart beat
I can’t wait to play with your two tiny feet
Or to hold you and watch as you start to fall asleep
How much joy you’ve already brought
By just being who you are
You’re doing such a wonderful job staying snuggled safe and warm
I hope you feel welcome to always be yourself
Knowing we will always be contented
After all you haven’t even taken a breath
And our hearts have already melted
I thought the best thing your mother has brought to me
Was her loving loyalty and friendship
Then she told me she’s expecting you
And my whole perspective shifted
Not only her, now also you, my heart exploded at the mention
Of the possibility to know and love two Muñoz women
I found out I was expecting...
I wasn't sure how to feel...
At first it was a bit concerning....
and then it felt extremely surreal...
I found out I was expecting....
I was later filled with pure joy....
for I knew soon I'd hear a little heart pitter pattering....
and then pondered at the question, little girl or little boy?.....
I found out I was expecting...…
Our hearts were made complete....
Seeing our little jelly bean quickly growing....
and waiting anxiously for December so we can finally meet!....
If you place me on a pedestal,
I can’t help but disappoint you;
For no one is infallible,
No one survives unbroken,
No one remains unchanged.
When it all turns to custard,
Who do you blame?
Me for letting you down,
Or yourself for doing the same,
By expecting too much of me.
To shamelessly paraphrase Yotam Ottolenghi: ‘I am inordinately fond of pedestals...and...custard in any shape or form.’
what if God
what if I never reach his expectations?
moving that morning felt easy
my lifeline was long and thick
my head was normal size and not any thicker than normal
the cats were in good spirits the art on the wall was patient but not expecting anything
I'm not expecting anything
I woke up and I was not expecting anything
There are two kinds of people in this world, the kind that get everything they’ve ever wanted and the kind that work hard and live in the dark
I’m feeling loneliest at most
Yep this definitely is depressing, watching cars go by and by
And yet there you are stuck in the same situation as always
Eves dropping, joining into conversations you’re not welcome to
Sipping on a martini, oh no you shouldn’t though, you gotta drive
To where you feel the most emptiest inside
Here we are again
Doing the same **** that we used to
My heart has been broken, my love has been stolen, really all the **** that I’m used to
Trying to fix what’s been long broken
You want me to believe that things on’t be how they used to
But I don’t feel how I used to
I don’t love you like I used to
I don’t believe in you like I used to
I don’t crave you like I used to
I don’t look forward to us like I used to
Cause I know after while it’ll just be what I’m used to
I don’t know how to get you to understand
That this isn’t the me you are used to
I have standards, more emotions and boundaries, more value than you are used to
I don’t want to get comfortable to what I’m used to
Being used to has gotten me no where
But dealing with **** that I’m used to.
I feel jailed in my own body
socially forced to conceive
Scared to transmit pain
in this age of depression
reminding my ancestors' culpability;
will I also hurt my descendant?
Struggling to finish a phd
in this age of precarity
thinking it might push me;
Or, will I fail it all?