Go away
Let me heal
                     peacefully

For me
You are
              toxic

2 weeks and I realized I don't need anyone but myself.

I love you
You love me not

You love me
I love you not

I love you
you love me

You love me
I-

candles light up her room
it smells like herbs
and flowers

fall is her favorite season
she enjoys the rain
while dancing trough the woods
barefooted

she's one with nature and the sun
but in love with the moon

I'm slowly losing my emotions.

As everyone always told me.

I used to
laugh
cry
and everyone always told me it's too much.
Too much of this and that.

They told me,
they could never imagine me,
to love someone
to be romantic
to be this kind of girl.

They told me,
that I am
a cold-hearted
a emotionless
a stone cold *****.

Always too much or too less,
never enough.
I'm simply never enough,
not enough of this and that.

Do you really wonder why,
I'm sick of showing emotions?

what is meant to be will stay
losing people is okay.

i can look at our pictures and laugh
remember the happy, funny moments
days and nights we spent together
even though we don't talk anymore
ignore each other
you were an important person in my life
it's not your fault neither it's mine
i appreciate every memory I have of you, with you

i don't miss you, we are still in our memories, and that is enough.

he's always in a hurry
terrified to die
he wants to be everywhere in the shortest amount of time
the eyes always on his watch


                       tick tack - tick tack


never sitting still
always in motion
not stopping, not breathing
his life is running out of time

It's okay
I'm used to being ignored
to not having any friends
only people who act like they care

It's okay
I know every excuse
someone came up with
to not spend any time with me

It's okay
I know I'm only good
when you're alone and need someone to talk
when you're feeling left out

It's okay
I'm used to being ignored
I'm used to being alone
I'm used to spending every day in my room
feeling anxious
and wondering what I did wrong.

One day, 6 years ago
suddenly it was there
I didn't see it coming
it crawled under my skin
into my head
settled in my thoughts

One day, 6 years ago
I started to feel
how no one should feel
ugly
unworthy
unlovable
suddenly I felt uncomfortable
in my forever home

One day, 6 years ago
my skin
my own body became my prison
my head
my own thoughts felt like hell

One day, 6 years ago
I stopped
eating
sleeping
I became someone
I never imagined to be

One day, 5 years ago
I somehow started to recover
I learned to be good on my own
that I don't need anybody
I recovered on my own

One day, 4 years ago
I realized
those thoughts and habits never left
but it didn't matter
I somehow managed to live with them

One day, 3 years ago
those thoughts became worse
I hid them
no one was allowed to see all this
all this **** that's going on in my head

One day, 2 years ago
I lost every loved one
I felt like I'm losing myself
still with a smile on my face

One day, 1 year ago
I realized how bad i became again
I realized I never truly recovered
my mind was hell itself

One day, today
I haven't become better
but that is not my worst
I want to become better
I truly want to become better.

I made a decision
not easy to be made
Though I know who you are
and what you gave to me
Everyone would suggest
to overthink this decision
But for me it is clear
my decision is based on your actions
You abandoned me
already a while ago
actually years ago
And now, I made a decision

Mother, you are dead to me.

I decided
to set some goals

Goals I want to reach 'till the end of this year
even though I hate stuff like that

but I felt like
I need to give myself a time limit
I need to force myself

Otherwise,
I'll never reach those goals

I set them for me
Not for you
Not for him
Not for her

Only for my own well being
for my own happiness
simply for my own.

and before the end of day
let's run away

leave everything behind
let's be free

live your dream
make it real

let it happen
run away

How should I handle us
              when I'm not even able
                                   to handle myself


I try to make the right decision
but I simply don't know what's right

my mind is a mess.

I'm okay
I'm not okay

I don't need you
I do need you

Don't leave me alone
I don't want you around

Help me
I'm good at my own.

Sitting in class
tired
everyone's talking
everyone's quiet

I don't feel anything
not nothing
my heart is empty

I could laugh
I could cry

or just die.

Let's run away
to places we've never seen
Let's meet people
that become friends in just a second
Let's get lost
in every moment we share
Let's run away
and never come back.

when I die

turn my body into ashes

and

spread it over the ocean

so I can go home

after a lifetime of feeling

homesick

How can something be forbidden
that our heart so deeply desires

Something so true and pure
should not make you sad

A feeling that no one can change
   no one can choose
      no one truly understands

Why does your head says "no"
when your heart wishes "yes'

Something like this
can't be forbidden.

When we promised each other
we'll be there for each other
when one needs the other

When I was always there
but you never here

When I kept this promise
and you broke this promise

It's not like I'm used to getting ignored
but I'm used to being invisible

While everyone's out with everyone
I'm being left alone

I'm not an interesting person
Thanks, I know that.

Can you miss someone
you never met?

Can you miss someone
you don't know?

Let's take a roadtrip to the ocean
and drown in the memories we make

my favorite month

not just because of halloween

I love it,
when the weather gets chilly,
the people more cozy,
the coffee shops crowded - yes, i even love that.

when the leaves are dying
and  the trees prepare for the silence of winter
and every last bits of summer are gone.

Her eyes,
blue
Like the wide sky
deep
As the unexplored ocean
cold
As the stormy winter nights

He fell in love with her eyes,
said that
everytime he looked in her eyes,
he lost himself
In a world, only her eyes can lead him to

But her eyes,
were full of sadness,
aloneness
Full of broken lies and expectations

They led into a world, where no one would survive.

Let's watch the sunset together
the forever ups and downs
of
the sun and the moon
when they die every night and every day
to let the other one live

Different as day and night,
summer and winter,
light and darkness
and yet so much in common.

Be my Clark Kent,
My superhero,
The one who saves me from myself

Be my Joker,
My Partner in crime,
The one who loves my crazy side

She fell down the rabbit hole,
Woke up in a beautiful wonderland
Where the flowers could speak and cards could walk

But soon she came to realize
That she found herself in a wonderland of madness
Where she had to **** the jabberwocky to free herself