I try, but
It's hard to see the light through the
in the window
m i n d
I'm a pessimist
i always expect the worst
I'm a realist
i accept what I have
I'm a romantic
i want to try everything
I'm a dreamer
i want you forever and ever.
I never fell that hard for someone
What is it we all fear,
reflections in the mirror.
We can't escape fate,
the end is getting nearer.
I'm feeling a lil off today, so I listened again to Tupac's 'Who Do You Believe In' and this part in particular stood out to me. Tupac wasn't perfect, but he truly was a gifted man. To me, he is and always will be the Greatest Rapper of All Time.
Songwriters: Yafeu Fula / Johnny Lee Jackson / Tupac Amaru Shakur / Jason Kay / Toby Smith / Dwight Delemond Williams
Who Do You Believe In lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Universal Music Publishing Group
everything you said, I pray that you mean it
the skeptical approach makes me struggle to believe it
so spare me the details, don't feed me the lies
it was you I fell for, by surprise
when you don't want to get attached
I am a realist
I hold onto facts
Tighter than I hold onto you
I toy with the idea
Of making you my world
But I am a realist
So I settle on the idea
That you're just toying with my heart
Copyright under Bianca Reyes 2017
All rights reserved
you were never home to me
but my longing for that was so intense, it almost felt like you were
and then all at once i realized; you're my hiraeth
to be with you, inside our own four walls, was all i desired
but our house was destined to burn down
our love is a set of stars that make up a constellation
too complicated for even the most experienced astrologists to decipher
but you will continue to be my hiraeth
because the comfort i feel when im in your arms is incomparable
and although you cant be, you will always feel like home to me
i yearned for our love to be forever
but it was meant to desist
and then all at once i realized; it's our ephemeral
lamentably, it can't be our forever
for it was made of stars, and all stars have to die out eventually
but let's let it be ephemeral
because although the stars will dwindle away soon,
while they are still burning bright, they are beautiful,
and so are we
i will always love you.
I was once convinced
work itself out.
Every problem had a solution
Every fixation, an axis
Every point? purposeful.
Certainly time was an equation.
Solving the question of final age
was merely the addition of years
and the subtraction of moments
our vices swallowed.
Everything was orderly.
Numbers in a row.
Empty boxes, waiting to be checked.
DNA strands coiled ceremoniously
into my exact composure
worried about me so I wouldn't have to.
Days flaking off like dandruff,
unsightly flecks of fragility,
floating toward irreversible fate.
I would live until I wouldn’t.
I would teeter
through hours, anxiously awaiting
never taking a breath to rest and reflect.
Death was algebra.
I was subtracted from morality,
added it back as fatality.
Evening out- solving for X,
My many quaking days
having lost their grip.
Life is not math.
Life is trash recycled into sporadic moments that won't last.
Simplicity was never synonymous
Sentient beings will always suffer.
Words will never suffice
When the feelings are out of place.
Attempts at descriptive narrative
only feel like a forced hand,
a poor play.
My slippery fingers are arthritic,
clutching at the vapors
of moments before mistakes.
I've never kept anything I loved.
I have ****** out of hate
more than I have out of lust.
I was always what I wanted to be
never was what I needed to be
And when desire ran dry
I always settled in the dust of desolate decisions.
The bell curve never helped with my grades
And this learning curve can’t help me find my place.
C.e.M. Aug. 11, 2016
rough / needs work and suggestions please