Lifes like hills
They rise and fall
You will be at your highest
Then life will bring you back down to hell

My life is going by
Like
The tick & tock
of a Grandfather clock
Tick
...
Tock
...
Tick
...
Tock
Goes my clock

7:00
Wake up
Im awake
in a b--- No
My bed
Warm

7:30
Get up
Stand
Cold
dizzy
Jamie...
Where is-- Who?

8:00
Breakfast
Eggs
Bacon
Toast
Milk
Mmm

9:00
Stoll
Trees
Sun
Flowers
I miss being a flower
So beautiful
So free
Flowing with the wind
I wont forget that

10:30
Seeker
Told her what i know
Yet apparently she knows my human
Better than the one inside
We should just **** her, save some time
wait
what?

12:00
Comforter
"These feelings I have never felt hatred
I dont like it
but I cant let it go
being here even I just Hate It"
Souls are pure
Flowers were perfect
Calm and peaceful
This alien body is just a ticking bomb
A killer

2:00
Thoughts
I just want to sleep
But
I miss him
Who
Theres a wall
whats wrong with this body?
Was it damaged?
no Healer Ford wouldn't have let me in it
but why I cant i see this over this wall
I want to see

My light is back
The shadow that once loomed is gone
I can look at sky and actually be thankful for something
I can look to the sky and thank god
Knowing i think he really cares
Knowing i think he listens
I think he does
I think i was wrong
..Im still hoping i am wrong
Granted im thankful
Lil doubt tho is still where is rest before...
How do i rid of it?
How can i believe?
How do i know that was coincidence?
What should i believe?

Im lost
Completely lost with no sense
This maze feels never ending
Im forever lost
I just dont understand
What am i doing wrong?
I went left
I went right
I went Forward..
Wheres there left to go??
Wait
            .....
                        Where am i going?
Im so confused.
Theres to many paths
Which one do i take?

Right or left.
                                                                                               Forward or back.  Right       or        Wrong.
                                                                                          Hell  or Heaven.
Yes    or    no..
                                                             ..Where
                      Where do i go..?

Lost
And found
But then lost again

I was found
and I was free
I was happy
I am Happy
And
Confused
The lights fade
And Im wandering lost
Searching for someone
To grab my hand and hold me close
Lead me out of this darkness
Show me where the light switch hides

But A part of me feels lost again
Someone found me
I was meant to be found by them
But were they really meant to find me?

Deep in the depths of life
Silent
Clear
Dark
But lost

Another falls
Another legend
Another life
barely lived
lost

Drugs?
Health?
Shooter?
Suicide?

Im tired
Waking up
seeing another life
that couldn't be lived
looking to find a day of light
But all there is
Clouds of grief

At least
legend
your finally free

In search
for something

A Map
A light
An Angel
A demon

Something

In these trees theres gotta be something
You cant hide a tree in a forest
I guarantee I will find it
Someway
Somehow
One day

I will find it
in my search
for something

He finally remembered the song
that song that called Persephone to his Cold sunless world
That spoke the words he couldn't say
The song of love

Hades remember?
That love you felt for Persephone
The feeling that the world was in your arms
All weight lifted from your shoulders
All there is and all there ever was
                      
                                      ­                   Her

"Yeah, well I make the same mistake two or three times, just to be sure it's a mistake and not bad luck. ;-)"

I never once felt so trapped
              till i came back to my cage
With a door that never open
               Where the dark never fades
And the fear never ends

They say they understand
that i can leave when i please
that im free


     What kind of lie is that

Do you even see me?

The constant frown that will never
turn upside down
not without my Angel
That cant touch me

How could you understand this
The fear
It suffocates me
***** the air out of my lungs
how much longer till i die here

Im tired of being afraid
Afraid you will ban me from my Angel
From my school
From my life
What i worked so hard to mold into what i want

Im getting so close
And you want to destroy it
Its not finished
Its not pretty now
But soon it will beautiful
smooth
and straight

Soon
         I wont feel the need to stray from path
                               The need to find the love i seek
                                                   To enjoy this short life
                                                                ­              To Feel


Dont worry
Soon
I will be fixed
You wont have to worry about
Me misbehaving
Breaking your rules

Soon my legs will rust to a stop
So i cant run anymore
From your constant desire
to protect me
When you are the one putting me in danger
from what i have to do
to learn

But dont worry
soon enough
I will stop
No more banging again the bars
screaming
im almost done
Dont worry

His gaze at me
Is as if looking at a Baby bird
So fragile
Is his touch
The look in his eyes
Pure passion they show
They say
"I love you"
Without doubt
I cant help but believe such words
They are so true in his eyes

This ocean of emotion is overwhelming
The waves are small
But slowly getting bigger
Big enough to consume me
If i dont contain it
                              Someway
                        ­                       Somehow
I will be a shipwreck..
Gone
Dead
Nothing

They keep telling me
To open my eyes
To the world
To Reality
The cliff I will be dropped from
Society
The monster lurking in the darkness below
ready to swallow me whole

But
I will never live that life
I wont be pushed off that cliff
I cant say I will be prepared though either

This life though
Its mine
The world is simply what I want it to be
My reality will be A lot of what this world isnt

My reality love isnt free
but it doesnt cost pain, Only time
My reality theres no such thing as a bad person
Only someone who makes bad choices
My reality the cats talk
My reality stars tell you stories and the wind kisses your nose

Me
My reality
My thoughts
My wonders
They may seem childish
But whos to say its wrong?

I never knew..
I never knew your eyes were blue
All i knew was i wanted you

I Never knew..
You slit your wrist
Im so sorry i didnt

I never knew..
How hurt you were
I only saw that smile you wore

I Never knew..
You needed me by your side
That is till i heard you say goodbye

Now im here
By your side
Rocking you
Holding you close
Keeping you here on earth
With me
Im sorry i never knew..
But now i do
I will never mistake the smiles you wear
The soul in your eyes
The light you need
Im here, darling
I shan't Leave till the sky is bare of stars
I love you so.

Theres always that one person that
just
Pushes
Till your so close to the edge
You want to start pulling on them
so you dont fall and break

Today you did it
You only poked me
But it was enough to push me over the edge
As i was falling though
I felt it
The sudden sense of flying

Then i opened my eyes
And there i was starring them in the eyes
Tears streaming
AS we looking at eachother
I know
               Thats what he was wating for
                                That was what he wanted
To watch me fall
Watch me break
Watch my fading light go out
Well
Congratulations
You did it
You win
You see these tears?
The look of betrayal and death in my eyes?
Well thats you reward
I hope your happy
Because you finally did it
Dnot worry about me anymore, Im nothing anymore
Nothing but a shadow

I love porcelain dolls
How smooth the porcelain is
The creepy eyes
I love how fragile they are
How fragile they feel
How breakable they seem
Thats why i get along with them so well
Were so fragile, Our eyes give it away too
Always looking so sad or even creepy

One to many cracks we break
We just shatter
Not much we can do once we do
I guess you can try to glue us back
But
the glue
will only last so long
its a never ending cycle

We love
We hate
We crack
We break
You glue
      And  just Wait

I'm ready to leave my cage
And fly on my own way
No more watching others
Day after Day
I have awaited
years for this spark of assurance
that i was ready
And
Now
I am

Im ready

Ready to turn the page
Start a Chapter
A new Adventure

A Change

Im ready
Ready to give up
Ready to stay broken
Ready to stay on the ground
Ready to not get up
To let God push me back into my place
Ready to stop

Just kidding

I ready to fight
Im ready fall for what i believe
Ready to live
Ready Cry
Ready to Smile
Ready to scream
I wont give up
I have fought to long
Im not ready to give up
                                          Not to myself

Anything thats real
Cant fade
This is real
We are Real
What this is..
It cant be broken
Take my eyes
And your face will still be all I see
Take my ears
You voice will be the only melody that wont fade
Take my lips
I dont care
Words mean nothing when all I long for are yours
They may be freedom for this world
But your freedom for mine
You are mine
I am yours
Us is ours

I was walking down the street
I saw someone
Something
on the curb
Looking down
Eyes
like ice
Hair
Rosy red
I came over
No movement
Stopped at the edge of the bubble
Then took the step into his world

It was cold
People were screaming
My chest hurt
My eyes burned
The boy was rocking
His thoughts Pleading for relief
Too look away
from the face staring back

Theres so many walls
to overcome
in order for it to stay strong
Differences are always the biggest

You dont want to change
Who you know you are
or want them to
Because it would be a lie
And it would hurt

There are so many walls
Opinions
Goals
Religion

You shouldnt let differences
change you
change them
nor keep them between you both

so they say

and i agree
but there are certain walls

i will never know how to meet in the middle with

drilling a hole through it
will take more than time
it would take change

certain changes im not willing to make
not even for you

It would all
be
A Lie

Because i cant change that much
not without losing who i think i am

Roses are Red
Violets are blue
You love me
but im scared to love you
....
My thorns will hurt you if get to close
Please be careful they hurt the most

Dont fall for my blood read pedals
Because im telling you their the devils

I know i seem sweet
But i will make you fall to your feet
....
I hurt them
I will hurt you
Maybe not on purpose
...But i guess its just what i do
...
Im sorry
I really dont want to hurt you
And i would never try
But it always seems to happen to others
I really dont know why...

Feeling uncomfortable in my own skin
I wish i could just rip it off
And breathe again
Its so tight
Im suffocating
I wish I could just
Change

Society is the eating fire
It starts with a Spark of words
The spark starts going through
And thats whats starts the Eating fire
Burning inside you
and society will keep eating at you and the rest
Creating a unstoppable forest fire


Unless

                  Theres someone there who can put the fire out and save whats almost ruined...
Can you be that person?

The stars are my oxygen
What actually keep me here
What make me actually feel
free
Alive
And Real
Such feeling are so precious to me
So so precious
What would a life be
without That certain oxygen that I  NEED
to BREATHE

I would be trapped
Me, A little bird
Trapped in my cage
Watching the world go by without me
Slowly fading
To dust
As my cage closes in
Nothing left to breath
But what little this world can spare
....
Im ever so grateful for the diamonds in the sky
The twinkle it gives to my eyes
The light it gives to my short human life
    Compared to the Immortal diamonds in the sky

You know those moments
that you do something that seems
Justifiable and fine
that is
in the moment
but then
you realize
That was
Really
Really
          Really
                                    Stupid

Teenage love
Is when
your just so in love
with
the idea
of being in love

And quote on quote
¨that feeling you think is love
is just a mixture
of Lust
And attraction when your a teenager¨

"What do you want do with your life?"
I dont know, Live?
Maybe be a little of a success
Find love?
"Are you a good person?"
Ummm Whats your definition of good person?
And finally
"Who are you?"
....
I dont know
Im a sister
Im a friend
Im a Daughter
Im a different person
around each and every person
How am i supposed to know who i am
When around you im a bit of a attitude teen
Around her im a outgoing, Crazy person thats Happy, with a slight shadow hiding and coming every now and then
Around him Im caring and lovable and an angel with a tint of red
And the shadow still hides Not noticeable except a occasional glimpse
Through the windows of the soul
Around the everyone else Im a shy mess, Clumsy, smart, and weird
Around my parents im happy and occasionally upset and lil depressed, and Rebellious and weird, and silly...
To my brother..Just a sister whos never around but always says she loves him and always means it.

I cant say i know who i am..
Can all this really be me?
Or  is it a new act for every person?
                                                     I dont know anymore

When you give them that ring
Your promising them
A love
That would never end
A love
Thats just for them

Your giving them A Ring
Your giving them A love
Your giving them a lifelong friend and more
Most of all
Your giving them a piece of you
That you plan to let them keep

Your showing them
You want them around
For the rest of your life
By your side

I dont mean this
to scare you away
I mean this
To show you what it means
At least in my eyes
to give them that ring

That ring will bind you and your love
As one
A whole
Yen and Yang
Day and Night
Darkness and light

Thats just how amazing it is
To give someone
                                      The Ring

The shadows watch
They follow and they see
watch the shadows for you will see
their more then just you
Their your monster...
dont run from your monster
dont run for it will win...
Then what?

I love art
It expresses a world beyond this one
Art can show me a life
A possibility
A desire
Anything
I can feel
I can hurt
I can express

My pencil dances on the page
A magic flowing from my pencil to the page
Finally free
People can finally understand
They can finally see
From my eyes
                                     Art

I watch them
captured by
their bodies the narrator
A beautiful story is now being told
A love
so deep
but so painful
a silent scream
                                   Art

That instrument
Speaks
This may have been Beethovens
But not anymore
This
Is now theirs
This
is beyond words
                                  Art

Theres always more behind the words
Stories
Secrets
Wishes
Confessions
Everything
A poem can tell the world what cant be said
                                  Art

Im so tired
Drag
tired
Stressed
Mentally unstable
Confused
lost
Trapped
Scared
Depressed
Happyyyyy
Empty
Sane ish

Bleh

I once had friends that would guide me through the night and we saved each other from the scary parts of life.
But
Then
Life just happened
Came on a bit strong
to where we were left
searching for new friends
New guides
That we could help and they could save us from the scary side

So i found some new friends
And it was great
I had someone to help when life got rough
and i could help them too!
Although, i began to realize
when certain of my new friends were around
it became
harder to breathe
the air
seemed thinner
And they aura...
Different
They always needed something
I tried to help when i could
but
I cant save everyone by myself..
Sadly i had to learn that the hard way...
I still want to try

Each day a new part of what i had left
consumed

I tried to escape
but i was holding myself back
with guilt of not being able to help them
Maybe if i say the right words or give enough of my time and love
everything will be better, Right?

I gave in to it
Everyday more and more gone
i was running out of me
Running out of ways to keep me remotely okay

It couldnt give up
I need to save them
its my job

I cant help thinking though
Are they even trying to get out of the darkness?
Do they actually want to get out?
Or am i just wasting what little i have left

What good did you feel in these eyes of a demon?
What Light did you see in this heart of pure black?
...
Why..
Why did you let me hurt you??
Why did you let me push??
..Why did you keep me?
Im toxic
Im a knife
The one that stabbed you
The one that hurt you...
The shadow on your courage..
...
Im Sorry you couldnt see what i was doing..
But im not sorry i left.. Those weeks in darkness were nothing compared to the pain you were going to feel from my sin..

Every human being
has had that feeling
The clocks finally stop ticking
The birds finally stop chirping
The Sun finally flies away
And left darkness
in its place
Little speckles of light
Hold up tight
against the blank the canvas

You follow light with willing desire
With no fear
No worries
Why
~~~
A silly mouse
A confused cat
You follow without question
You trust in something
with blind eyes
Why
~~~
Desperate are you
Lost
Confused
In need

I cry and worry in your stead
Wait
For a sign of safety
But none

Weeping willow with your tears running down,
Why do you always weep and frown?
Is it because he left you one day?
Is it because he couldn't stay?
On your branches he would swing,
Do you love the happiness that he would bring?
He found shelter in your shade,
We thought his laughter would never fade
Weeping willow stop your tears,
There is something to calm your fears
You think death has you do forever part
I know he will always be in you heart!

-
Emma Jane Rae