Laying in bed thinking
Does it Hurt to die?
Or
Is it lights out..
                             Nothing
                                               Silence
OR
Is it straight to the clouds, The beautiful freedom of Angels?
Or hell, the fiery underground torture....?
...
What would it be like if i died right now?
Would they care?
Would the teachers or students notice?
Would they cry and come to my funeral....
Am i really that important?
...

                    I dont know..

Please no more what ifs
They are leaking into my mind
As a Massacre of my faith

Creating Nothing but doubts
A knife stabbing into whats left of Me
Murdering My Soul
My spirit
My hopes
My dreams
My Desires

They are going to be nothing to me soon
Nothing
Unless i can rid of these
Ghastly What ifs

Is a stranger
Still a stranger
Even when
they have made a impact on you life
Even when
They saved you from the dark
Even when
You know them
What they want to do with their life
What makes them happy
What makes feel free

Makes one wonder
What makes a person a stranger?
Is it that you havent seen their shell?
Is it that you cant be sure you can trust them?

If this is the definition of a stranger
Then I could consider half of my family
As strangers
Half my "friends"
Are Strangers

The google definition of a stranger
"a person whom one does not know
or with whom one is not familiar."

If this is the case...
A Stranger is really...

A potential Friend
         or
            A potential Enemy
                     or
                        Maybe
                           A Potential Love

What is love?
A emotion? is it a want or a need?
is it something everyone meets somewhere in life?

What is love?
A problem? or  dream come true?
I guess its all in how you look at it

I see it as a opportunity
You could accept it or deny it
                     Everyone sees it differently

What is this
I feel an unknown force
its enclosing my heart
making it hard to breathe

i have to gasp for air
Why?
Why does my chest hurt
I feel as though im trapped in a bubble
this pressure on my chest
its so..so..
What is it?

Confusion
Sadness
Hurt
Yearning
Lost
Destabilized

                          What is this feeling?

I know im not perfect
I know say the wrong things sometimes
I know im not always good at listening
but could you tell me whats wrong?
I can try to be perfect
I can continue trying to say the right things
I can be a good listener
Just please
Whats wrong?
The pain in your eyes cuts at me
Like the blade On the counter
please talk to me
Im here for you
Whats wrong?
I Care about you
I cant see you in this state and not worry
Please
Talk to me
I will listen
We can go through this together
You can take off that Mask you wear
I wont laugh at your weakness
I would never hurt you
Please
Just please tell me
                                Whats Wrong?

"Aw baby girl, Wheres that smile, that brightened every bad day, And made it worth pushing through another?"

"Well dad, You see, Life happened to me, That light i could once see is so faded i barely want to push through the dark anymore."

Even the whitest of lies
Turn blood red
                      after they
                                     have been said

Why does the sun always come on wrong days?
Why did he have to eat the last cookie?
Why couldn't life be cupcakes and Rainbows?
Why do people **** others?
Why does darkness always end up here?
Why doesn't god help those in need?
Why are we sent to hell?
Why do we feel pain?
Why

Why do we have to die?

Why

Im tired of watching
life fly by
like i havent lived
to my full extent
if im going to die
it better be for something
crazy amazing
and worth it
Such as
sky diving
finding a online friend that i NEED to see
just once
Saving a puppy from being run over
taking the bullet for someone i love
I think these would be worth it
Not to the loved ones
that hide their worry
but still

Left
Right
Black and white
through eyes
Light deformed
Creature taken flight
Eyes colorless
lost
broken
nothing
nothing
Nothing but Nothing

Empty

I dont know why
i barely knew you
But living without you
Hurts like hell

Each day
a new scratch
Soon theres going to be a big hole
beyond patching

But i will be okay
I always am
Its just going to take time
A long long time
But hopefully i
...
No
I will
I will bare this load
No matter the pain
No matter the tears
I will
i have to...
                                         I will try..