She was swimming for so long
so when she felt the octopus grab her arm
she thought nothing of it. Until it pulled her under
to where she was surrounded by the greenish blue tentacles.
She could see the jellyfish in the distance, the ones
she had been swimming to, for so long...
But the octopus grew on her
she began to love it.

Their love grew and grew, until the octopus swam away...
so far she could barely see it anymore.
eventually she began swimming again
but in the opposite direction, looking for it.
When she couldn't swim anymore, she slowly sank.
She was lost for days, but he found her again and wrapped her up.
But when she woke up, she was different.

And everything was faded.

Am I allowed to miss you?
It seems that I'm really not.
I know everything now,
The things that you said,
That caused me to frown.
I often wonder if you even feel bad.
Do you know how many tears I had shed?
No, you don't.
It makes me feel somewhat ashamed,
How much I miss you.

It's inevitable.
So why do I fear it?
Why am I drowning in an ocean of thorns whenever I think about it?
It's as if my heart is having an earthquake when I realise I'm ageing,
Because I don't want to grow up.
But time goes by so fast,
Maybe if I look the other way it'll all pass?

I put my head down on my pillow at night,
I smile as I close my eyes.
Because I know that I don't have to feel frightened.
Because Slendy's peeping, keeping close eyes on me all the time.

Slendy knows, I'm only five.
Just like he knows my brother Johnny is nine.
But Johnny doesn't like Slendy too much.
He says he's scarey and frightens him to the touch.

But I like Slendy.
I've told him every time.
Slendy means no harm!
That's why I don't hide.

"Come now child"
I hear Slendy call,
He's waving his arms,
So flimsy and long..

They don't scare me though.
Because I know that Slendy's my friend.
Not a ******.

"JANE!"

Slendy starts to move away,
I move towards him in such a sudden daze,
But I hear my mommy keep calling my name.

"JANE!"

I look away from Slendy to see her running to me.
"What are you doing?" I asked her as she picked me up,
As she held me Slendy vanished.
He was gone.

That was the last time I saw him.
But I know he's watching me,
Slendy always talks to me.

She comes over for the night,
She seems to be alright.
I'm not sure if I like her yet,
But that doesn't seem to matter.

She started to stay over on school nights,
Something just didn't seem right.
Soon enough she never really left,
Her and my little sister were basically compressed.

I'm not trying to sound selfish,
And no I'm not really jealous.
But I am feeling quite confused,
Why are you telling me this unfortunate news?

She hasn't left for weeks.
I'm sick of being the subject of greed.
I just want my family back.
Just tell me that she'll eventually leave.

I'm now starting to feel neglected.
I've been replaced in every way that I had imagined.
But you don't seem to see it the way that I do,
I don't think the girl is leaving any time soon.

I'm not as strong as everyone thinks I am,*
But it's not like anyone gives a ****.
I have a constant reminder of my depression.
It rests on my wrist in a line shaped fashion.
It was somehow an accident, my mother believes.
Little does she know that it was truly my intention.

Everytime I'm out in public I pinch myself only wishing,
I would've cut deeper, maybe just an inch further.
Would I somehow keep breathing, would I be missed?
Maybe for a little while, but I doubt it would've sticked.
No one ever realises the pain until it's taken something away.

The good times and the bad,
Are both located in my past.
I've watched you cry,
I've heard you laugh.

That doesn't mean,
I always have to come back.
You've ripped my heart out,
In the worst ways possible.

You think you're the best,
But that's just not plausible.
You use to be my best friend,
It turns out that was implausible.

I've spent hours crying over you,
Denying that I ever felt anything.
But the truth is that I admired you.
I swear that I would've died for you.

But that was thirty-four hours ago,
I've cried my eyes out now though,
So goodbye my new nemesis,
Thanks for giving me a new therapist.

I am a Jellyfish
colorful yet pain-inflicitng
I remind myself to forget the bad things.
**I keep on floating.

Nose pressed to the glass
I'm smiling brightly
as you grasp my hand
My other hand reaches up
and touches the tanks coldness.
Aren't they beautiful?
I lovingly exclaim-
Squeezing your hand excitedly.
Lets come here again, okay?

I can't take back the things that I did,
But I sure as hell wish that I could.
If I could, just turn around and apologize.
And make everything better, I would.
If I could sweep memories away,
Make it as if it had never happened.
I'd probably do it everyday.

But this isn't a fantasy,
It's a very real reality.
I should stop crying.
Stop denying.
Disappear.
I won't.


Because it's impossible.

Self centered woman
you're so wrong about
so many things I can't
even begin to reach
for half of my dreams
because of your words
that lead me to believe
I've failed you- maybe
I'm not what you were
wanting so badly..
but telling me lies and
staying away from him
will not change the way
that I feel about you-
disappointed.

The racket that shakes the room.
It's loud and irrational too.
You see happy and hear tears.
You can even feel the fear.
Everyone's excited,
For the upcoming years.
But this noise..
It's not calming,
Nor cheerful,
It's confused.

I remember leaving the car and walking towards you...
My heart was pounding,
and my thoughts were blurry.
I have goosebumps remembering how I felt then and how I still feel now...
I'm ecstatic, you always solve my heart's quadratics.

Do you want to sit in the front seat?
Because I really don't at this point
when did I even start wanting to sit
there and why? Did I think it'd make
me feel more mature or somehow..
better? Than I was before or maybe
I felt closer to them since I was
sitting directly beside them..
All I know now is that I don't want
that seat that for whatever reason
became so important to me.
I don't want all these responsibilities either.
I miss the back seat and drinking mixed up
ice cream that I begged for so dearly
tell me why did I have to age; grow older
why did I long for it more than I longed to go
to the park down our road..
When did my cousins become my foe?
And why is everything so hectic; fast
*why can't everything just slow down..?

I don't think my friends understand,
That when I'm with them I'm in another land.
A place where I know I'll always be safe,
I won't be judged, I can just be me.

And it means a lot to me that they're there.
They make me feel like I have no need to fear,
I can speak up which is nice becasue I'm quiet.
Usually because I'm trying to avoid riots.

Riots that could hurt me emotionally that is.
I hope I'm being clear and not blurry.
I'm trying to express how it feels to be-
Surrounded by thorns that change into clouds.

Just often enough to make the bleeding stop.
Do you know what it feels like to be that shocked?
It's as if you're drowning and then all of a sudden,
Someone saves you and takes you into their coven.

I'm just glad to not feel as abandoned as I had before.
I'm not alone in heart, I'm just a little sore.
But I'm healing more and more every day.
So that's a good thing, wouldn't you say?

Everyone loves her,
Her actions and her words.
She's "Little miss popular"
Just because her tongue never slurs.

She's intimidating, and rude too.
She thinks she's incomparable,
Although she has a lot of things she needs to improve.
Her friends laugh at every word she says,

But I think the only reason they smile, is because they're afraid.

Drown me in drowsiness, take me away.
I sure as hell don't want to stay.
I'm tired of trying, and then being abandoned.
So drown me in drowsiness,
Take away my horizons.

I miss you so much, I'm always longing your touch.

Someone
Anyone
Anybody
Please
Right now, all I need
is to go home
to where the Jellyfish sing to me.

So please, someone
take me to the aquarium.

As you can see,
I've never been a prodigy.
Always unimpressive, apparently.
Stressing is an everday thing.
But you wouldn't care,
You're just so unaware.
Depression has me ensnared,
But you couldn't handle my despair.
So keep your eyes closed.
And I'll do the same.
The things I think about are completely insane,
I wish the good times would never change.
But this isn't my dreamland.
It's a place where I don't want to stand.
Depression is the ocean,
Anxiety is the sand,
And I'm somewhere floating in between it all.

KPop and horror films,
You're just the silliest girl.
I don't want you to go,
We've been through a lot,
I know.
I'm not going anywhere though.
You don't need to worry about that,
So.. don't.

You're still my golden jellyfish
You always have been and
You always will be.

These are confessions I can never send.
Because they blatantly won't understand
and that is something I need to get,
They don't care for me enough to accept the ways they hurt me and say sorry.

They are hypocrites,
Because they want me to stay weary.
They want me to always let go and cry alone.
They don't care if around them I'm woeful.

Mom,
You always said I was in the wrong,
Cleaning and chores were our only "bond"
You never chose me unless you could brag.

Dad,
You broke my heart,
You'd catch me when I'd fall
But never stuck up for me in the end.  

Mom chooses to make me a villain,
All I wanted was her acceptance
but she sees me as a sinner who's selfish,
I should put my pain aside and pretend I'm good.

I will be left to wonder forever,
Why my pain doesn't matter
In comparison to my sister,
Why am I less accepted when I'm in pain?

Dad loves me because he sees himself in me.
I look like him, we share a hobby
but growing up I believed that was the only thing he loved about me
Because one moment he'd be there, but would runaway when I needed him most.

Alone, he would listen,
He would say he'd help me
But in front my mom he was different.
Suddenly, what we said in the car was insignificant.

I'm an adult who doesn't know her needs, wants, and likes
Because I spent my life trying to be accepted.
No one taught me how to accept myself,
Or how to know what I need or want.

If someone cared unconditionally,
I clinged to them.
I hoped they'd never leave,
because I never got that from my family.

Now I'm in therapy, crying in every session
That I'm hurt again because of them,
Or hurt by myself because
I don't know who I am.

I'm going to clone myself like a Jellyfish
and stray far away from this hideous place
where the grass isn't green and trees are inexistent
I used to love it here but now I can't help but hate it
so I'll go deep into the ocean and see the only beings
that make my heart flutter as if I were really living..
I'll be with the Jellyfish forever, after all nerve nets
are better than brains, they cause too much stress for me.
I'd rather be heartless, boneless, maybe transparent too
I'm already invisible and if someone were to mess with
me all I'd do is give them a sting.. no more crying, denying
my depression or worrying about people that don't worry
about me. I'd be a part of the ocean, and the ocean would
contain me. I'd basically be a type of melon with tentacles
considering they're between 95% and 98% water anyways
I could be immortal or live up to a few hours..
so let me drown already.

He is a Fried Egg Jellyfish,
nonetheless he was ignorant
Always pushing things on me
He never considered feelings
Like the Phacellophora camtschatica
his sting is rather weak.
But that doesn't seem to explain
why it took me so long to see
that he was only after one thing.
-
She is a Pacific Sea Nettle
Glowing; always and forever.
I embrace her light even when
I'm feeling smothered.
She is amazing in many ways
But could become dangerous
in a matter of days.
Just like the Chrysaora fuscescens,
She is made of many colors.
Which is why I can't stop looking at her.
-
He is a Purple Striped Jelly
One of the most painful out of these
Oh sweet, Chrysaora colorata,
he truly stung me.
So beautiful inside and out
I should've looked but never touched
I just wanted to be his cancer crab,
but I never was one..
I was the ocean sunfish biting back.
-
He is a Golden Jellyfish
Beautifully mysterious as always
I want to dive straight into him
As I would the lake that the smack lives in.
Very similar to the lake
he is full of golden aspects
that I long to intake.
He hasn't stung me yet,
So why should I ponder mistakes?
He'll always be stuck inside of my head.

My home is not where I live
it's inside somewhere vivid
where I truly feel like myself
and I miss it every single day.
The place where Jellyfish play
they're not just afloat, they sway
and for some unknown reason
they make me feel beautifully happy.
**I miss them.

He appears tough, he stands tall.
But truly, underneath it all,
He's sympathetic, vulnerable.
I can't believe myself for being so horrible.

It's true that I love him,
With my heart and soul.
But's it's somewhat-
Overwhelming.

My space I feel is shifting.
I can't tell if it's a good thing.
I want him close, near by.
However, I feel scared inside.

Will he think I'm too lazy?
What if in reality I appear pudgy.
Sure, he says he doesn't mind.
I'll just be his tubby for life.

Which I kinda like,
But still.

These insecurities.
They drown me.
Very slowly,
They're suffocating.

Please God, is it too much to ask for?
Just for once, to enjoy being loved.
I want him to pick me up in an embrace!
For ***** sake, can't I just, take off these weights...

I've hurt him.
I have nothing else to say.

In this room,
I feel unknown.
Saddened by this,
I'd rather sit alone.

It's always as if,
my presence is dull.
I almost feel like,
there's no brain in my skull.

The people around me scorn.
Leaving me bruised; feeling torn.
And no matter how hard I try..
I'll always be "That one girl"

The girl who always cries.

I'm running across this uneasy ground
trying so hard to keep sticking around
facing a battle that just won't pan out..
so many people are falling down
it makes me wonder why I of all people
would continue to walk along this road
full of gravel and never-to-be-pieced-to-
gether-stone.
If only life weren't such a hard puzzle
to figure out, why is it such a struggle?
stress is all you've been inhaling lately,
and you've been trying so hard to avoid
it but that's just too bad.. **stress is reality.

Tricky sentences flew after moonrise,
A battle commenced under moonlight,
Swings and beams chased eachother
Like fireflies dance around lovers

It was a sight to see unlike any other
I enjoyed the chase as if I were further,
To be honest I didn't realize it was such a fight
until I saw my hand disappear to reveal the moon.

I used to long for your arms around me
now all I long for is paper to place poetry
that I've written about you and nothings
that I wish would become somethings.
But that's somehow too much to ask for
I suppose it's more than I can really afford,
a longing for you.

Why am I not surprised...?
This, always happens to me..
Nothing ever works out.. with anyone.
Everyone always leaves.

And it'll never be the same.
Wake me up.. some other day!
When the rain stops pouring over me.
and the sun comes out for a while..

But of course that's too much to ask for,
I'm in another life,
Where you can't hurt me anymore,
But that doesn't stop this fight.

I'm breathing.
Hey, wait I think I'm breaking.
I'm over the edge just thinking,
What if this is unpleasing, to you

I hope it's not,
Because the thought makes me go into shock,
I use to be falling so hard for you,
but it seems lately I've been crying it through
and now things are clearing up just a bit,
but my eyes are still red and I just can't help it.

So, please tell me this
Did I really hurt you?
I hope that I didn't,
I'm just trying to get through.
Because honestly an apology is long overdue.

But of course it'd be mine,
The line that'll seem blind,
Did you see it or not,
I think that you may have skipped it.

I lost myself in you.

I tried my best to be the best, for you.

I felt a loneliness each day as I'd wait for you to say hi, until I met the ones that helped my eyes to not cry.

I slowly overcame that rope that so tightly kept me attached to my bed, to dwell in the sadness I felt. The sadness you helped to grow.

I realized that I didn't have to be the version of me that worked with you the most. I could be the best version of me for myself, and not anyone else.

That was the moment I knew we didn't fit. It was all an illusion I had created in my head. So I wished you the best, and we said goodbye, and now to you I'll be remembered as "girl number five."

If girl number five could give you any kind of advice, she would tell you to get over all five of the girls you've had in your life before looking for number six. Maybe if you do that, six will be the one that fits with you.