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Jul 2022 · 714
lana
miki Jul 2022
when i write
i always find myself wishing that i wrote like Lana del Rey,
making even the simple things seem extraordinarily grand, to be able to glamorize what is sometimes a painfully normal life
i want to touch someone's skin
and write about it in a way that makes someone feel as though they're touching velvet
i want the kiss we shared
to linger on someone's lips like the taste of their favorite chapstick
i want to write about love
so that in turn someone will lust for what i already have
i want to write about my years of pain and isolation in a way that makes someone want to rip their own heart out and offer it up to me on a platter made of shimmering, sterling silver
which, of course
i'd have to refuse
because what would a writer be if surrounded by love and admiration they knew was real, that they didn't doubt for even a second
although, the sensuality of the circumstance might be tempting
an artist without eternal, incessant suffering
is merely a wolf in sheep's clothing
or a fool who thinks he's a king
they simply aren't built to last

i want to write about my mid-night thoughts and for someone to think: Lana would be proud
Jul 2022 · 978
today i walked west
miki Jul 2022
today i walked west
but only for a couple of minutes before i reached the old church that i've lived next door to practically my entire life
it's from the '60s, and as soon as you walk in a sign is still hung in the entry that reads
"Colored Church" with a cross underneath
i always loved it here
it's small
cozy
with a ringing sense of familiarity
much reminiscent of the people who gather here every Sunday
really,
it's been my quiet place for a while
somedays i come just to bask in the uninterrupted silence that it offers
but most, i sit at the old, nearly crumbling piano that's slightly out of tune
at the very front
and i'll just play for hours
simply to get lost in the echos of the pitch that's just barely off, but that's not unlistenable
it's become somewhat of a sanctuary to me
and i'm probably crazy to seek solace in a place whose very nature, more times than not, tends to frighten me
but maybe everything that i fear
is what ultimately will bring me the most joy

at least that's what i will let myself believe
Jun 2022 · 1.1k
like me better
miki Jun 2022
i wish i hadn’t let you go as quickly as i did
because
i think you would like me better now
when i tell stories, i don't exaggerate things
and i don’t act like a child
so much has changed
nothing has stayed
but i think that it’s okay
because
i’m not the same girl that you knew when you left
but really, neither are you
i know everything was for the better
but, i just think you’d like me better now
Jun 2022 · 1.3k
television stranger
miki Jun 2022
someone should have known better than to leave me by myself
surrounded by objects only reminiscent of a home
i thought that i could mangage it, because i wanted it to work
but maybe
not to feel like a stranger in the house you’ve known for years
just takes a little more time
so i sit
on the couch, in the very corner
the same spot i've sat in for years
and stare
at the tv that bares only my reflection
with nothing else to see

just me
my reflection in the tv
and a house that never felt like home
Feb 2022 · 706
taken
miki Feb 2022
and i know it’s bad
that even if you’re taken
i will still want you
Aug 2021 · 606
i could never hate you
miki Aug 2021
i was so foolish back then
seeing you in a perfect light
it blinded me
your unfulfilled promise became my only hope
i let you drown me in your own pity
your own insecurities
i let them define me, i let them break me
you got to play magician
always pretending you could snap away my cracks
when i was the one mending yours
always making me worry
disappearing for days at a time
but always finding a reason to be upset when you would return
i was your toy
a pawn in your game
and i never even read the rules
you let me believe you needed saving
when i was the one living in the nightmare

the ghost of who i thought you were still haunts me
but i could never hate you
Jul 2021 · 242
begin again
miki Jul 2021
i never experienced
things the same after you left
i lost touch of reality
as the time slipped from my reaches
the sky was never as blue
the stars never twinkled as brightly
no strawberry ever tasted as sweet
as you
maybe things will never be the same
but i’m watching them
begin again
Feb 2021 · 1.5k
blue
miki Feb 2021
i cried everyday for you
because
i thought blue
was your favorite color
Feb 2021 · 730
taurus rising
miki Feb 2021
you can trust me
secrets
wishes
desires
all kept under my lock and key
they can’t hurt you
not unless they take my entry
and steal what was ours to keep
i would never betray my own word
only if you abandon me
the depths of my own knowledge
are often so bittersweet
filled with the voices of a thousand murmurs,
sayings that are mine to keep
admit it once,
i’ll lock it away
never for anyone to peek
Feb 2021 · 558
libra moon
miki Feb 2021
every night
you haunt my thoughts
the feeling of your velvet touch
lingers on my skin
i see you in my dreams
your voice echos my every thought
i wish you would go away
but all you had to do that night was stay
i know what i did was wrong
if only you knew what i knew

lurking
whispers
memories of lost moments
maybe it’s supposed to be this way
Feb 2021 · 818
virgo sun
miki Feb 2021
a new day
new faces
endless masks to wear

decisions

details

the fork in the road
stops me in my tracks

have i made the right choices?

did i say the right thing?

my mind has no limits
but stops working
when you walk into the room
i’m not good enough for you
i know that i’ll never be good enough for you
but i’ll keep trying
my heart aches
for its missing piece
miki Oct 2020
you were
a drug that only worked when i didn’t need you
a run down
crimson chevrolet
driving so swiftly down
the beachside boulevard
nothing but endless ocean to the left
and a booming city at rest
to the right
i needed you
i wanted to come home
to lie next to you
dreaming of a life full of
daises
and strawberries on silver platters
in the summer
blue skies
forever

star light, star bright
the first star i seen that night

never worked
Sep 2020 · 597
you didn't have to hide
miki Sep 2020
you could have told me
you could have told me then
you didn’t have to hide it
why..
why did you hide it
you knew i felt the same
you knew i wanted you to feel the same
did you?
i tried to feel for other people
and i did
but only for a split second
before my mind would make me think of you
you were the air i breathed
you were what kept me alive
until you cut me off
why..
why did you cut me off

you could have told me
you knew you could have told me
so why did you hide it
Sep 2020 · 1.1k
even then
miki Sep 2020
a small town park
nearing dusk
the glow of the sun was golden
as i listened to the ripple
of a distant lake
even then
i loved you
even then

a big city house
nearing dawn
the glitter on the floor was blinding
as we watched the sun rise
through the abyss of trees
after the party
even then
i loved you
even then
Aug 2020 · 260
isolation
miki Aug 2020
how many times
have you looked for me,
in the middle of the night
when you crave familiarity?
when you need a friend that feels like home.
when you need someone to love you until it hurts.
when you need to feel something,
anything
what is it that you think of?
the sunrise after the party?
hot summer nights?
rolling around in the weeds?
does a supercut play on loop
reminding you
of all the magic we shared?

in the middle of the night
when you crave familiarity,
do you think of me?
Aug 2020 · 298
illusions
miki Aug 2020
and all i craved in that moment
was whatever you had to offer
i tried so hard
to open you,
to take a drink of your love
in hopes that maybe
someday
you might love me the same
but you were impossible
like a bottle
made of all glass
with no opening
and for months
i tried to
break you open
but i never could
until one day
you cracked
and it was then that i realized
you were an illusion
making me believe that
you could satisfy my thirst
but you didn’t
you never could.
Aug 2020 · 438
the paradise in the woods
miki Aug 2020
take my hand
lead me
to a world full of
shimmering brooks
towering trees
glistening meadows
and dancing fireflies.
show me a world
where
hearts are never broken
and laughter fills the air.
let me live in a
world where
our love can stay golden,
forever

you
are the paradise in the woods
we all have a paradise in the woods.
miki Aug 2020
on a hot july night
i remember looking up to the sky
and getting lost in its stars
and how they would twinkle
almost like a quaint little village during christmas, or
a sea of fireflies in the forest.
but even the brightest star
held nothing over you
and the way your eyes would glow in the 6am sunlight
or how you could see every star inside your eyes.
their glow was enough to light up 1000 cities in their darkest hour.

it’s like you were the universe
and i was merely a speck
who got to experience your beauty,
and so i extended my hand to you
only to be met
with the emptiness that had taken its place.

i had been forbidden from your touch for more days than i could count.
but i still reach for you hand
hoping
that one day you will be there to meet my grasp.
and wether it be in the 6am sunlight, or the 10pm moonlight,
i only wish to love you as i did
once before
Aug 2020 · 405
your ghost
miki Aug 2020
the thought of you still lingers in my room
and every time i return
i am faced with the reality
that you’re never there.

so why can i still feel you in my bones?
Aug 2020 · 870
the mirage
miki Aug 2020
you’ve faded from my memory
and slipped from my touch.
you haunt me
like a forbidden fantasy
yet you’re the paradise i crave when i’m alone.
Aug 2020 · 2.6k
the porcelain people
miki Aug 2020
i’m still looking for the version of america that was taught to us in school.

the america where the flag that stands
stands for everyone’s freedom,
not just those whose skin is made of porcelain.

the america where those who protect and serve
protect and serve everyone,
not just those whose skin is made of porcelain.

the america where all are welcomed
and we welcome everyone with open arms,
not just those whose skin is made of porcelain.

but i guess this is only the america that lives inside my head.
the america that never existed.
where “everyone is free”
yet everyone whose skin isn’t made of porcelain is seen as a felon, a ‘bad man’, a walking disease, a theft...
as an inferior.
and the stars and the stripes that so gloriously fly
even in the darkest of nights
no longer stand for freedom.
because this “freedom” only applies to those whose skin is made of porcelain.

what makes the porcelain people so different than those whose skin is made of velvet?
when the version of america where that question is answered exists, take me there
because
no one is free, until everyone is free.
Aug 2020 · 940
lux
miki Aug 2020
lux
our love was dipped in luxury
and you were made of gold
i always liked pretty shiny things
until they got old
golden eyes, 2am nights
made loving you seem worth it
but secrets, lies, and unresolved fights
made loving you a burden
they could have hung us in the louvre
had we stayed in gold forever
but we were only carat plated
and nickel at our center
Mar 2020 · 1.0k
he loves me, he loves me not
miki Mar 2020
we love flowers when they’re already dying.
we water them,
trying to save them.
trying to keep them for as long as we can.

you watched my petals fall to the ground.
but that’s okay.
because that’s when we love flowers the most.
Mar 2020 · 2.6k
YOU
miki Mar 2020
YOU
i remember watching the sunrise with you
i couldn’t help
but get lost
in the depths of your eyes
tinted with the golden sunlight.
you felt forbidden.

i remember picking up
the glitter after the party
and every time our hands met
it felt like
i was touching paradise
but then i remembered
you were forbidden,
and i had been forbade.
Mar 2020 · 289
it’s not what i meant
miki Mar 2020
when i looked into your eyes
they were pooled with tears
that led to streams
all caused by the storm
that you-
that i-
that we started
even in our darkest hour
i still got lost in your eyes
i would've drowned in the largest ocean
before i stopped loving you
except
i never stopped loving you
i never got to tell you that
and i wish i would have

when i told you to leave
all i really meant was stay
miki Dec 2019
i’ve watched you
grow and evolve
i’ve seen you triumph in your highs
and wallow in your lows
i’ve listened to you
i’ve heard your cry
i wished i could help you
all i wanted
was to help you
but instead here i am
crying myself to sleep at night
all because your the star
and i’m only something
that you give your light to
miki Nov 2019
when i was asked to write a poem about love, all my mind could think about was you.

when god made you, he decided it was finally time that an angel be sent to earth.
you’re that pure.

and ive spent the last three years trying to forget you. three whole years that i’ve tried to wipe everything about you from my mind. until i finally realized…

i don’t think i can.

you see, from the minute i first talked to you i knew. i knew you would be the best and the worst type of love all wrapped into one.

when i met you,

i wanted that catch me if you can kind of love.
that high school sweetheart kind of love.
that make you feel like you’re dreaming kind of love.
that fairytale kind of love.
that sweep you off your feet kind of love.
that immortal kind of love.
i wanted your kind of love

after years of waiting, crying, and hoping
i still wish you would tell me why you left.
i still wish you would give me the goodbye i’ve always craved.
i still wish i could tell you all the things i never got to say.
that’s all i want. that’s all i’ve ever wanted. i’ve moved on from desperately craving your affection, to wanting the simple things. i spent too much time waiting on something that, in the back of my mind, i knew would never happen.

but if you ever decide to have a change in heart, just know, i’ll be waiting.
know that if given the chance, i would love you as if it’s the best thing i’d ever get to do.

and im young, so i’m usually not a scientist.

in fact, everytime i try to rewrite the stars, they lose their twinkle, just to show me how blinding love can be.

sometimes, the earth loses its gravitational hold on me, just to prove that not all love lasts forever.

see, i heard that love is like a bleeding heart, so i engrave my work onto my skin.

and my solutions are never actually finished, so i can be reminded that love has no limits.

i’ve always believed, real life, is kind of like the sky after a storm, dull but pure. and i'm gonna be honest. im not much of a scientist, but if i were to wake up tomorrow and discover a new star, i would name it after you, in hopes that it would change your mind.

and see, i’m not much of a scientist, but if i was, i would name the cure for all disease after you so everyone could know what it feels like to love you.

i’ll never be much of a scientist, but if i were, i’d name every new discovery i made after you. every planet, every star, every meteor, every antidote. i would name everything after you in hopes that in some way, it will bring you closer to me. ‘cause if there was even a fraction of a chance it would work, i would fly to the moon and write your name in the same yellow you used to tell me was your favorite.

i would do anything for you.
honestly, i don’t know that there is something that i wouldn’t do.

and i know i’ll never be a scientist.
but maybe if i was an artist i could show you my love, rather than trying to prove it.

i know you see in black and white, so i swear, if i was an artist i would paint you a clear blue sky; and of a night, i would paint our names in the darkness to show you that true love is written in the stars.

and sometimes, sometimes i pray to god, that he turns you back into my heart, so that i never have to spend another day without you.

and really, i’m not much of an artist, but if i were to wake up tomorrow morning and decided i wanted to paint a picture, my first picture would be of you.

and even after all of that, you had the audacity to ask, “so how do you feel about me?”
and i was confused. i felt like i just poured all my bottled up feelings onto you, yet you ask for more.

“i expected you to come. but i didn’t expect to care. i thought the past was well, the past. but seeing you, was just a whole other story. it felt like i was relapsing. what i thought had left behind of  you, came flooding right back into the conscious sector of my brain. i looked at you for a brief moment and them immediately looked away. i didn’t want you to know, but somehow i got the feeling you already did. seeing you once again made me realize that you were exactly what i craved, the unknown lust in the back of my brain. you were what i wanted, more so what i needed. i looked away as soon as your eyes drifted to mine, but even then you never stopped looking. i tried to stare the other direction, to engage in conversation with my friends, but somehow my eyes always drifted back to yours. i never wanted to look away. and every time our eyes met, it felt like the moment would never end. and i never wanted it to. as i stared into your eyes, i felt a sorrow, a hatred, and empathy. memories came flooding back, one by one, many good, man awful. all i wanted in that moment was you. but somewhere i knew that i could never haave you. my brain tried to make a logical and realistic way that we could maybe work things out, that all would end on a good note, but nothing came to me. and then i wondered, how many times must a wound be reopened, in order for it to scar? because it seemed like no matter how many times i would reopen that same wound, disregarding all of the pain and tears, it never seemed to scar. i thought that maybe it meant that one day we could be happy. i should know by now that destiny would never let that happen. so hours went by of our eyes meeting, and turning away, almost like we were afraid of what would happen if we were to continue. there were moments where i could see you out of my peripheral, staring at me, with a sense of longing. us being the same room felt nostalgic. i hated that i still felt this way, that i still love you, even though you have broken me time and time again. tonight we spoke no words to each other, but our silence spoke sentences, and our eyes told stories. my heart hurts at the fact that this is the way i have to live. in longing. waiting for someone who will never return. cheers”

you were a soldier at war and i was your sweetheart.

i washed the windows everyday to get a better view of your return.

i would rewind the clock so i could forgive you for being late.

you never came home, and i never got to see your golden eyes again.
i died and was resurrected as a peasant girl who fell in  love with the king’s son.

the people of the village claimed i was a witch, hexed you into loving me.

i was sentenced to death and came back as a caterpillar.

one day i awoke as a butterfly, made of all the colors you loved most.

you held me in awe for 2 seconds before leaving , just as you had countless times before.

your rejection killed me.

i didn’t know what else to do. i had given up all hope that we could ever work out. nothing i was, and nothing i did could ever make you love me. at least not in the same way you loved the color yellow, or the smell of the air after the rain.

and maybe i’m not smart enough to be a scientist.
or maybe i’m not sensual enough to be an artist.
but surely, i’m good enough to be yours.

that’s why sometimes when you sing me that song i love to hear, i tend to get a little too lost in your voice. and im sorry.

i just don’t want the time to come whenever i step outside after the storm, and despise the smell. i don’t want to look at the color yellow and wished it hadnt been your favorite.

i just don’t want you to leave again. my mother always told me that when you find the perfect person you do whatever it takes to make sure they’re the reason that when you walk outside after the rain, you’ll bask in the scent.
miki Aug 2019
i don’t know
i just wish i could say i’m sorry
if i could say i’m sorry
could i change your mind?

i don’t know
i just wish i loved you sooner
if i loved you sooner
would you be alive?

i don’t know
i just wish you hadn’t loved me
if you hadn’t loved me
you would be alive.
pt. 2 ‘i don’t know, i just wish i wasn’t breathing’
inspired by a snippet of ‘i don’t know, i just wish i wasn’t breathing’ by billie eilish <3
miki Aug 2019
i don’t know
i just wish i wasn’t normal
if i wasn’t normal
would that change your mind?

i don’t know
i just wish i wasn’t ugly
if i wasn’t ugly
would that change your mind?

i don’t know
i just wish i wasn’t breathing
if i wasn’t breathing
would that change your mind?

i don’t know
i just wish i hadn’t loved you
if i hadn’t loved you,
would i be alive?
third stanza and title are lyrics from a snippet of ‘i don’t know, i just wish i wasn’t breathing’ by billie eilish <3
miki Feb 2019
she cried
for night on end
her weeping eyes
drenched her pillows,
all for a boy
whom she loved
with every last inch
of her heart.

he never loved her back.
Sep 2018 · 1.7k
the fisherman’s tale.
miki Sep 2018
your voice is a curse
that i can never get rid of.
it entices me,
pulls me in
until there is no more rope to be held
and you have to throw me back out again
just to reel me in once more
so you can speak to me
with your voice made of poison.

i can never tell who’s worse.
me.
or you.
Aug 2018 · 833
xx
miki Aug 2018
**
i expected you to come. but i didn’t expect to care. i thought the past was, well, the past. but seeing you, was just a whole other story. it felt like i was relapsing. what i thought i had left behind of you, came flooding right back into the conscious sector of my brain. i looked at you for a brief moment and then immediately looked away. i didn’t want you to know, but somehow i got the feeling you already did. seeing you once again made me realize that you were exactly what i craved, the unknown lust in the back of my brain. you were what i wanted, more so what i needed. i looked away as soon as your eyes drifted to mine, but even then you never stopped looking. i tried to stare the other direction, to engage in conversation with my friends, but somehow my eyes always drifted back to yours. i never wanted to look away. and every time our eyes met, it felt like the moment would never end. and i never wanted it to. as i stared into your eyes, i felt a longing, a sorrow, a hatred, and empathy. memories come flooding back, one by one, many good, many awful. all i wanted in that moment was you. but somewhere i knew that i could never have you. my brain tried to make a logical/realistic way that we could maybe work this out and that all would end on a good note, but nothing was coming to me. and then i wondered, how many times must a scab be picked in order for it to scar? because it seemed like no matter how times i picked that scab, disregarding all of the pain and tears, it never seemed to scar. i thought that maybe that meant that one day we could be happy. i should know by now thought that destiny would never let that happen. so hours went by of our eyes meeting and then we would both turn away, almost afraid of what would happen if we were to continue. there were moments aswell where i could see you out of my perifial vision, staring at me with a sense of longing. us being in the same room felt nostalgic. i hated that i still felt this way, that i still love you, even though you have broke me time and time again. tonight we spoke no words to each other, but our eyes spoke sentences. my heart hurts at the fact that this is the way i have to live. in longing. waiting for a love i was denied, many times. cheers my love. **
Jul 2018 · 1.6k
x-ray.
miki Jul 2018
if you were to look inside yourself
what do you think you would see?
a puppy chasing cars
or a happy family?
or would you see a beast
devouring your insides,
ripping you to shreds,
cutting you with knives?
would you see all blackness
just simply nothing at all?
or a monster called depression
who’s building you a wall
to block you off from reality
so you will just be gone
from this devilish toxic home,
where you just don’t belong.
miki Jun 2018
the tang of your freedom
laced my tastebuds with a bittersweet aftertaste
that incessantly made me want more

and with every dose
i became more addicted to everything you had to offer
until i had ****** you completely dry.

it was then that i realized, that when life gives you lemons
you shouldn’t always make lemonade

savor the tang
Jun 2018 · 312
white wall.
miki Jun 2018
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
sometimes it takes nothing
for you to realize everything.
Jun 2018 · 417
science.
miki Jun 2018
(we were) fire and ice.
polar opposites.
fire melts ice.
but does ice freeze fire?
Jun 2018 · 438
irony.
miki Jun 2018
you told me to show you where i hurt.
but you were wearing a blindfold.
and my hands were tied behind my back.

you told me to tell you how i feel.
but you had plugged your ears.
and i was choking on my own spit.
Jun 2018 · 392
nostalgia
miki Jun 2018
how wonderful it was to walk through life
thinking everything was flowers and daisies
when in reality it was not
everything was thunderstorms and poisoned rain

and it still is.

— The End —