Why are all the good things scary
You'd think that flying would be breathtaking and exhilarating
But
All I can think about
Is how close I am to falling
It's suffocating

Burn my throat as I swallow the same air
Here we are choking on laughter that's grown stale
Don't let me cry out -- no -- don't let me cry out
Apart from this madness perhaps we'll find clarity
Rip off my arms and keep them for your lonesome self
How much good do empty words do us anyway
When you wake up remember I'm done waiting
Poison I've injected into your eyes and hands
Hopefully you can stay subdued and ignorant
You'll miss the parts where I'm on the floor
Gasping for air and nearly lifeless as I'm convulsing
We can smile about the times we bled into each other

Bloodshot eyes
Incapable of thoughts
What made me think
I could handle all this

I was watching the rain
Hit the pavement and break
Into a million little droplets
It was so beautiful and sad
I wished it was me

What scares me the most?
The moment you let go.

My thoughts are rubber

My words are cement


My thoughts grip me

and snap back

into my head full force

each time they try to escape


My words are concrete and imposing

I can't seem to take them back

no matter how hard I try

I feel my humanity is melting into a shallow puddle.

Breathe me in like your last cigarette,
because you swear you're going to quit,
as the smoke swirls past your head
and heads east.

Drain my cup like the last coffee
you pour yourself, even though it's 11 pm
and you really should go to bed soon
because you never sleep enough.

Color between my lines like you tried
to show your little sister, when she stole
your colored pencils and scribbled
all through your sketchbook.

Give me the kind of attention you give
sunset on the beach,
because someting about it makes time stop
and brings you peace.

Love me,
even though the only time you ever thought
love just might be more than a façade or a con
left you detached and empty.

Love me,
because I promise
I'm already trying
to love you.

I know that you've been used and confused,
Believe me, I have too.
Are you afraid to be hurt?
Because I am as well.
But being near you while you're this distant,
It's like walking through hell.
I know what I want from you,
I've had far too long to mull it over.
All I need, love, is you, closer.
Are you afraid? Because I am too,
Though there's no denying,
I think I'm in love with you.

you're thrown
against the wall
onto the floor
enough times
you'll crack and break

you're played with
grabbed at
enough times
you'll believe
you're the toy
you're treated as

burn
burn
burn me
on fire
hold your match up to me
as the flames lick me
inhale smoke
I feel lighter

Time for a puppet show
It's been a few months
But still remember
How to play your strings

Call me stupid
Call me lame
I never planned
On earning fame

Call me ugly
Call me gross
The weight I loose
For you the most

Call me ****
Call me addict
Push me face down again
While you're at it

Call me your knife
For I am the one moving deeply against your flesh
For I am the slick blade that finally draws blood
For I am the weapon that at last pierces straight through

memory and thought are a curse,
for they are drenched with you.
i wish not to be so blunt, so terse,
oh, i do long for you.
the fear of breaking
by the hands of another,
is what prevents me from
being your lover.
inescapable.
i run from the inevitable.
i want you.

Run run run
Run away if you can
Stay stay stay
You've never done
You're the one with the trigger
But I'm at the end of the gun

Put myself in your line of fire
I want to bleed
Have you cut me so I blame you
I've sown my seed
Now you are the reaper
(Though it's my greed...)

And I can't tell you that it hurts
Cause it's not supposed to
And I can't tell you that I miss you
Cause I'm not supposed to

And I can't tell you that I need you to sleep
Cause I'm not supposed to
And I can't tell you I want to talk to you more than anyone else
Cause I'm not supposed to
And I can't tell you that I wish I could watch you smile once more
Cause I'm not supposed to

And I can't tell you I'm sorry
Cause I'm not

If I promised not to hurt you,
                                    would you trust me not to?
If I told you I was sorry,
                                           would you believe me?
If I called you tonight,
                                          would you listen to my
                whimpers and whispers?

I hate me, I hate me, I hate me
For being so jealous, possessive, angry
Why do I ruin everything
By claiming each as my own
Why can't I just let things go
I lead myself to further pain
I keep saying "my" and "mine"
And expecting a long time
I don't, don't want to share
I don't, don't want to care
Not even fair, when I act this way
I'm the one who'll never stay
I keep setting myself up to fail
Punishment in my own twisted jail


I make people my whole world
I orbit someone like they're my sun
But it's cold, being left in space
They never wanted me in the first place

He just wanted to help
An arm is grabbed
Her heart skips a beat
No, not good, not good...
She can't move
Can't breathe
Inhale, exh-
Inhale, exh-
Can't breathe
She is red, airbrushed porcelain
Can't meet his eyes
Says please don't touch me
He laughs
Please don't touch me
Her body is shaking
Her mind is racing
P-please
He lets go
And she's still alone

I am starving.
For so many, many things.
I am dying.
For absolutely nothing.

The spring breeze blew
The summer haze heated
The fall leaves left
The winter frost froze

The summer haze heated
Lost fish tried to swim
The winter frost froze
Weary travelers turned to dust

Lost fish tried to swim
Fog retreated into itself
Weary travelers turned to dust
Time stopped counting

The spring breeze blew
Fog retreated into itself
Time stopped counting
The fall leaves left

i am breathing, breathing
breathe in and out
get your head outta the clouds
someone get me down

got myself stuck
looking for an easy way out

disappear, disappear
just let me float away
held my heel, held my weakness
immortalize my brain

got myself exposed
looking for an easy way out

half ghost and half wannabe
cross the border
let go of a piece of me
chaos, disorder

got myself severed
looking for an easier way out
just an easy way out

half ghost and half wannabe (breathing, breathing)
cross the border (in and out)
let go of a piece of me (get out, get out)
chaos, disorder (someone please get me down)
chaos, disorder (get me down)
chaos, disorder (easy way out)

just cross the border

Lace covers his tongue
That tastes like oxygenated copper,
The sand caught in his lashes
Looks so harsh against warm brown eyes.
I want to unwrap him, unbind him;
He used to be glorious in his vanity--
Now he is drowning in concern.
Wanting to be everyone's favorite
Has never been an easy game.

Thank you all for today-
The points, the taunts, the shouts-
I talk funny is what you're all about.
You laugh when I speak,
Feels like strikes to the cheek.
Makes me want to be silent.

Until he pipes up,
And says it's cute.

Who is she
What is she like
She is dark
They call her consumer of hearts
She lives like a chess game
She doesn't mean to
But every move she makes
She cruelly calculates
She loves the games she plays
But I think it's because
That's the only way she knows
How to trust
How to not get hurt
She pulls on heart strings
And she tugs at synapses
Biting free connections

She sinks her teeth into their souls
She watches what color they bleed
Delightedly she tears them apart

Her heart is gone
She can't remember if it was taken
Or if it was simply one of her own victims

breaking

is addicting

once you start

you never

s  t  o  p


breaking

All I want this year is
Just a little bottle
Or a little jar
With a little something
To make me a lot forgetful
About you
Because I'm tired
Of memories
About you
Christmas or otherwise

forget about me
but don't forget about me
because if you forget me
i'll die
i'm like tinkerbell
if you stop believing in me
i'll die
if you forget about me
i'll die
but i want you to forget about me
so i can have peace
and try to forget about you
you need to get out of my head
please
i can't evict you
i don't have that kind of strength
so i need you to remove yourself
i need you to metaphorically die
so i know you won't come back to life
like you've been doing
stay dead
stay away
stop making me fall apart
every time you say
                                                                ­     **hello

Cloaked in the stars

Wrapped in the night
Need to savor
Dark and light
Potential savior
Likely fright

Cloaked in the stars

Dawn of day
To be feared
And never to stay
Sometimes here
Sometimes far away

Cloaked in the stars

The sky bleeds into my hair
Sunset leaks into my eyes
In this moment I look changed
He asked me to stay in this
Moment with so many words
Where my hair is more gold
My eyes are caramel not black
And my smile shines bright
But I let the sun slip down past
The horizon because I was
Afraid so he left for his future
While I stayed drowning in
Our past now I don't want to let
It slip away this time,
                                      *into the snow...