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434 · Apr 2018
Normal
Lily Apr 2018
I’ve become so good at
Pretending to be okay,
I don’t even remember what
It feels like to let it all go.  
I don’t remember letting my friends see my anxiety,
Breaking down in front of somebody,
Smiling a genuine smile.  
I don’t remember showing any emotion besides okay,
Fine, normal.  
I remain the definition of average,
Blending in so well I don’t even think about it.  
Sometimes I want to just stop.  
Just stop all of the pretending and let myself feel.  
But I can do it.  
I can do whatever I need to do
In order to keep things normal.  
And that’s the scariest thing of all.
425 · Mar 2018
Invisible
Lily Mar 2018
Why do I feel so alone?
Why do I feel like no one understands me?
Why do I feel like no one knows I’m here?
Like I could just disappear and no one would know?
I feel changed, yet
No one notices.
I feel different, yet
No one cares.
I feel numb, yet
No one perceives it.
I open up, but you don’t hear.
I show you my feelings, but you don’t see.
Why do I feel so alone?
Why do I feel like no one understands me?
Why do I feel like no one knows I’m here?
Like I could just disappear and no one would know?
Maybe it’s because I’ve already disappeared.
Maybe I’m
Invisible.
417 · Apr 2018
Gone Forever
Lily Apr 2018
Your stomach coils and knots,
Your hands wringing in your lap.
Will they have missed you as much as you missed them?
Will they remember the fun times you had together?
Your palms start to visibly sweat,
Your entire body heat rising.
Will they actually be back?
Will they have changed?
Your heart pounds,
Your breathing quickens
As the hands of the clock tick,
And you wonder whether they will be
Gone forever.
416 · Apr 2018
The Truth
Lily Apr 2018
I keep on messing up,
I can’t seem to do anything right.
I don’t even have to fess up,
The truth does not hide.
I’m trying so hard,
Why do the wrong words roll off my tongue?
They are just sitting in my mouth,
Waiting,
Lying in wait for the perfect moment to strike
And emerge, at the worst moment,
The moment when no matter what else is
In my mouth, they cannot be erased.
Sometimes my mind thinks these things,
And I feel guilty, increasingly guilty,
Every day the same.
I can’t keep my feelings bottled up inside,
Feelings that I shouldn’t be feeling in the first place.
My effort, my intensity, my enthusiasm is there,
But I can’t complete the task.  
My mindless words hurt,
Hurt those I care about most.
In my head, I know I shouldn’t say it,
But in my head it doesn’t sound as bad.
I know this is all in my head, I know
Everything will be okay, that my words,
Though not totally erased, will be forgotten, forgiven.
But I’ll say them again,
I know I will.
They’re just lying in wait, and that’s the truth.
That’s the truth.
414 · Jun 2018
Paranoid
Lily Jun 2018
You don’t know my mind,
My thoughts, my reasoning
Behind my actions.
What to you may seem selfish
Or simply eccentric,
Is what I need to do
To function, to continue
Breathing without hyperventilating,
Completely breaking down.
So please be patient.
You don’t know what I’m going through.
411 · Aug 2018
Roses
Lily Aug 2018
Do roses know that they can be beautiful,
But harmful?
Do they have the power to
Stop themselves from luring someone in
And then hurting them?
No, they don't.
But humans do.
405 · Mar 2020
The Veteran
Lily Mar 2020
The man was leaning back in his fancy wheelchair
So much that he was almost parallel with the ground,
And while everyone else who was
There for the church service was freaking out,
He was as still as a gym before a free throw.
His left leg was not present, his right one at an unnatural angle,
And my mind started to conjure up a bomb
That had thrown him through the air,
Away from his friends, his commander, away
From his life as he had known it.
He had large homemade, not quite mittens,
But knit sock-like articles over his hands,
Alternating orange and black yarn with only a couple of
Cute errors where orange touched orange or black touched black.
A slight grunt, a swift motion, and the mittens were off,
Revealing a left hand twisted into a fist and a right hand
In a white cast, hanging limp at his side.
His soft peppermint scent, large wrinkly face, and wispy
White beard was reminiscent of Santa Claus in the mall,
Though Old Saint Nick was never that far back in his chair.
His assistant was a frantic college girl who looked like she had lost a child at the park
And was trying to decide whether to ask for help or
Continue to struggle helplessly on her own.
Each turn of a dial or press of a button pushed the man farther down,
Until his feet were almost higher than his head.
Yet on the man’s face was the type of smile that a grandpa has
When he’s about to checkmate his grandson in a game of chess;
Triumphant, knowing, loving.
He must have seen me openly staring at his cruelly funny dilemma,
For he turned to me and grinned,
“Don’t worry about it; makes life interesting.”
I smiled back, not knowing what else to do.
As suddenly as a pitcher throws to first,
The man jolted upward, and his chair returned
To its normal angle.
With the crisis averted, church
Began, and although I tried to focus on the preacher,
My eyes and mind kept wandering to my veteran.
His one leg tapped to his own drum,
His strong voice belting out the melody on the hymns,
And a hard “Amen!” was heard every other sentence.
Happy.
He was happy.
He had one leg, two useless hands, was living in a place away
From family and friends, with much of the joys
Of his youth over, past, gone,
Dead.
But my veteran was happy.
His frantic college assistant seemed very pleased
That his chair didn’t have a repeat episode on the way out
Of the chapel after church.
He shot me a quick nod as he was wheeled out,
His wisp of a beard bouncing on his chest.
Perhaps he would have been a Santa Claus at a mall
In a different life, one without war, sadness, pain, hardship.
Maybe he could have been a more active grandpa to his grandkids,
If he had them; he could have played football catch in the yard,
Secretly baked cookies for Grandma with them at two in the morning,
Get on the roof and scare his kids hanging Christmas lights.
Maybe he could have done and been all these things, but for the
War, sadness, pain, hardship.
I know what the veteran would say to that though:
“Don’t worry about it; makes life interesting.”
Thought I'd write about a character I saw at a veterans' home church service this Sunday.  I thought he had a good lesson to teach, although he wasn't aware he was teaching.
404 · Apr 2018
On the Verge
Lily Apr 2018
With you,
I was often on the
Verge of tears.
Your thoughtless words,
Your stubbornness,
Your never ending rants.
With you,
I was often on the
Verge of anger.
My thoughtless words,
My stubbornness,
My never ending rants.
With you,
I was often on the
Verge of fear.
The fear of you leaving me,
The fear of you finding another,
The fear of you hurting me.
Yet through all the
Tears, and the
Anger, and the
Fears;
I was also on the verge of something else.
I was on the verge of happiness.
401 · May 2018
Insomnia
Lily May 2018
Every fiber of my body
Trembles with every breath,
Threatening to slip into sleep
With every blink.
The fatigue fills my body like
Air fills a balloon
And I think I’m about to pop.
Every little thing sends bolts
Of pain through my body,
Yet my brain doesn’t fully
Comprehend it, my mind a
Foggy haze that simply wants
To stop.
It wants everything to stop.
The thinking, the pain, the exhaustion.
Another night,
Another day,
Another night,
Another day,
A never-ending cycle of
Never being fully awake or fully asleep.
Insomnia.
401 · Jun 2018
Always Open
Lily Jun 2018
Every tear I’ve cried,
Every complaint I’ve uttered,
Every cry of pain I’ve screamed,
You’ve been there.
I’ve laid my heart bare to you,
Always open, available, vulnerable.
I’ve given you my all, 24/7,
And yet what do I have in return?
A mauled and maimed heart,
Torn apart from exposure to the world,
To you.
Yet I can’t find a way to shut my heart,
My nature won’t allow it.
I will always give away before I take.
I’m always open.
Lily Apr 2018
I’m sprawled on the couch,
The neon pink stuffed giraffe you gave me
Getting crushed in my strong, anxious grip.
14 hours with no text from you, but
I shouldn’t be worried, there’s a
Perfectly logical explanation for this.
Your phone died and you lost your charger, or
Your mother took your phone as a
Punishment for something, something as simple as
Not making your bed or not doing your homework,
Yet not knowing that she’s punishing me too.
Because I want this to be normal, a simple case of
A disobedient teenager.
But you’re not normal,
And I love you despite that.
No.
I love you because of that.
The last time you didn’t answer me,
You were having a panic attack, your worst one yet,
And you accumulated more prescriptions for your
Anxiety and depression,
More medications, more unreliable solutions to make
The real terrors disappear temporarily.
Then there was the time that your parents divorced,
And you wouldn’t speak to anyone for a week,
And you lost twenty pounds and gained five years,
And everyone who loved you, including me, was worried sick.
The worst was while we were talking on the phone,
And suddenly you cut out and wouldn’t answer
Anything I sent you, and later I learned that you
Tried to take your own life.
Suddenly, I leap up from the couch,
I can’t take it anymore, and march towards the door,
Needing to know.
Yet before I get there, it swings open on its own,
And suddenly you’re standing there,
Wearing my old, baggy sweatshirt,
Your hair in a frazzled mess,
But your cheeks glowing rosy with life.
Throwing my arms around you,
Squeezing you until you grunt in amusement,
I cry, “What happened?  Where were you?”
Pulling me back, putting your hands on my shoulders,
Gazing directly at me with tears in your beautiful hazel eyes,
You whisper, “I tried to leave this world again.  But then
I remembered my last text to you.  I promised
I would never leave you.  And I intend to keep my promise.
Forever.”
A friend requested a follow-up poem to No Text, and I just couldn't say no.
Lily Dec 2019
In my dream,
I walk alone, and it’s
Cold,
Windy,
Harsh.
No voices but the wind’s.
The wind begs me to sit,
And I find a tree and sit
On its roots.
A bat flies out of the tree,
A black shadow against an even
Blacker sky,
A dark heart in a dark soul.
The last leaf in the forest stirs,
And then Winter arrives,
Cold,
Windy,
Harsh.
I try to hold our memory in my head,
Of when this forest was green,
And we were new and fresh,
Warm,
Still,
Kind.
In my dream, you appear
And I meet your eye.
But your memory is absent
Quicker than it came,
And I am left alone,
Cold,
Windy,
Harsh.
A cup of Frost with a dash of Hemingway! This was inspired by Frost's "Waiting: Afield at Dusk", and Hemingway's short sentences.  I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving!  Here comes the cold weather! :)
388 · Mar 2018
Your Moth
Lily Mar 2018
The darkness around me is impermeable,
Gloomy, funereal.
It weighs down on me, and I imagine
Atlas holding up the sky,
The unbearable burden on his shoulders,
And I feel the same pain.
I struggle to breathe,
Each breath tears at my throat,
Rips its seams and sinews
Until I can barely speak.
My tattered wings flutter uselessly,
My muscles losing strength every moment,
My vigor being drained by the darkness surrounding me,
Until I can hardly stand.
Suddenly, a brilliant ray of light shines from
Somewhere in the darkness,
A beacon, directing me somewhere.
Warmth, hope, joy, peace, and relief flow out from
The light source in a everlasting stream.
A river of light, a torrent of happiness, that
Drags me out of my stupor, injecting new
Life into my veins, causing my wings to flitter with
Renewed aspirations.
I fly haltingly towards the light, drawn to it by
An almost supernatural force.
However, the closer I get, the harder it is to see myself;
My wings fade, becoming almost transparent, and
A piece of the dull ache returns, a remnant of the darkness.
The pain gets closer as I get closer to the light,
Closer to you.
You are my light, and I am your moth.
Everything good, everything true, you represent,
But I can’t touch you, can’t truly know you.
I can’t lose myself.
I can’t be your moth anymore.
Find yourself a butterfly.
388 · Jul 2018
Please Stay
Lily Jul 2018
When I said, “please give
Me some space,” I didn't mean
That we would be through.

When I said, ‘please don't
Worry about me,’ I did
Not mean, “don't be here”.

When I said, “I love
You, but I'm such a mess,” I
Just wanted comfort.

When I said, “don't leave,”
I actually meant it,
So please- stay with me.
382 · Jan 2020
poetry girl pt. 2
Lily Jan 2020
Untied shoelaces,
Untied heart,
Her words flowing freely from
Her mind,
Her black boots tapping a rhythm
Known only to
Her.
Her eyes bloomed like
Orchids
When she blinked,
And her chocolate fountain hair
Spilled over her gray graphic tee,
The messy bun
Unraveling
As her thoughts slowly
Unraveled
Themselves onto the page.
380 · Apr 2018
No Text
Lily Apr 2018
9:30 pm
You texted me you loved me,
That you’d never leave me,
And I answered back
With the same.

10:30 pm
I sent a you a cute picture,
Of two cats cuddling,
And I said it was us.
No answer.

11:30 pm
I sent you an inside joke,
Hoping you would look at your phone
And laugh and smile your amazing smile.
No answer.

12:30 am
I found myself in the shower,
Fighting an anxiety attack,
Maybe I’m stupid to worry, but there was
No answer.

1:30 am
I told you I was going to bed,
That I was going to try to sleep.
Even to my good night text, there was
No answer.

4:30 am
I’m still awake, I can’t sleep,
Wondering where you are, if something’s wrong.
I know I shouldn’t worry, but there was
No answer.

9:30 am
No good morning text from you,
So I send you one instead,
Hoping you will respond and there won’t be
No answer.

11:30 am
Still no answer, my frazzled mind thinking
You’re in the hospital somewhere,
And that I heard your last words a long time ago, because
There was no text.
379 · Mar 2018
Betrayal
Lily Mar 2018
The harsh light of my phone blinds me,
Yet I need to do something.
The darkness of my bedroom surrounds me,
And the light is my only connection to the world.
I hesitantly open my messages,
And I feel my heart wrenching wide open.
A chasm forms, a deep ravine, a wild earthquake
That irreparably defaces the land.
Tapping your name releases aftershocks,
And I steel my heart for the worst as I
Scroll to the very top and read
Every single message.
All I want to know is, when?
When did I suddenly mean nothing to you?
When is the moment you threw me out of your life?
And why didn’t you tell me?
I keep scrolling, trying to assuage my pain,
Yet each word, each letter you typed, holds so much,
I’m overwhelmed, and my canyon widens.
My breathing is labored, I can feel myself trembling,
And the tears have only just begun.
I turn off my phone.
Darkness.
371 · Jan 2020
the lost
Lily Jan 2020
I was bleak
Dying upon the floor
I wished I had sought
The lost
The rare and radiant, the angels

Here
In the recent wake of Kobe Bryant's death, we should all be reminded that we shouldn't take people for granted.  Say what you feel while you still have the chance; you never know when those people will not be with you anymore.
365 · Mar 2018
My Demon
Lily Mar 2018
Slithering through the darkness,
Always there,
Always waiting,
Never leaving.
I feel it like an ever-present headache,
A sensation that won't go away
No matter how hard I try.
The uncomfortable sensation follows me
Everywhere.
Hanging out with friends, working by myself,
Eating, reading, even sleeping it is there.
My dreams are troubled, my imaginations
Disturbing and unsettling.
I can't control the constant gnawing,
Clawing, grasping at my flesh,
Trying to find a purchase,
Trying to become a permanent part of me.
What it doesn't know is that it already
Possesses me, completely dominating
My soul, my mind, and my heart.
Everyone has a demon.
What is yours?
363 · Mar 2018
Glass
Lily Mar 2018
The rain smashes against the glass,
Shaking and torturing the transparency,
Craving what lies behind the barrier.
The wind batters continuously,
Threatening to shatter the crystal.
Though its appearance is negligible,
It’s holding back such terrible things,
Staying strong against the great forces of nature.
The glass often goes unnoticed,
Its purpose overlooked and
Taken for granted.
Who knew glass is only noticed
When it’s broken?
362 · Jun 2018
Respect
Lily Jun 2018
Have enough respect for others to have patience with them,
Not always depending on them for anything and everything.
Have enough respect for yourself to
Go after what you want, not letting it slip out of your grasp.
Find the b   l    n   e  and you will be golden.
                   a   a   c
362 · Apr 2018
To Winter, From Spring
Lily Apr 2018
Dear Winter,
I’m sorry I have to steal your glory,
Steal your brilliance,
And steal your snow, year after year.
I think your glory, brilliance, and snow
Are awe-inspiring, but not everyone thinks so.
I hope you will not be mad at me for my
Colorful, blossoming flowers,
Infantile green buds,
And timidly shining sun.
I am certainly not mad at you for your
Frigid, billowing winds,
Unmerciful blizzards and hailstorms,
And brilliant snow displays in the early morning.
I want to remind you that every season has another season
That steals its throne,
And I just happen to be that season for you.
Please accept this, my sincere apology.
Your fellow season, Spring
358 · Mar 2018
Tainted
Lily Mar 2018
Stars shining bright above you.
Snowflakes flying all around you.
The beautiful stillness,
The heavenly harmony of silence.
Your mittened hand dangles shielded from the cold,
Having once been exposed,
Never wanting to face the torture again.
Once the snow hits the dirt,
It will never be the same again,
Forever tainted by the unclean ground.
Once you step on the ****** snow,
It will never be pure again,
Forever changed by the footsteps
Of those who have harmed the innocence.
But when the snow melts, and was there
Ever any snow there to begin with?
Was there innocence, joy, laughter?
Or was it all swept in on a winter wind,
As temporary as the season itself,
And borne away just as quickly?
Is there anything to hurt, to harm?
To taint?
358 · May 2018
The Poet
Lily May 2018
The title is the declaration,
The beginning of the confrontation.
Strong and brave words,
Yet disguising a hidden meaning.
The opening stanza is the explanation,
Describing in fact and logic
How and why we feel,
Yet disguising the feelings themselves.
The middle of the poem is the emotion,
Grasping towards the heart of the soul,
Exploring what makes us human,
Yet not providing a satisfying ending.
The final stanza is the end of the argument,
The dramatic finish where you turn on your
Heel and walk away, leaving your foe
With nothing but a look of astonishment.
Yet sometimes, The Poet may not
Complete the task in real life.  
Our victories must be written out,
Preserved in ink or on a hard drive,
Because The Poet doesn’t have enough courage
Without his words by his side.
Yet that is the way of The Poet.
356 · Jun 2018
Our Relationship
Lily Jun 2018
Our relationship will always be battered;
Yet it will never, ever be shattered.
We always know each other’s woes;
And help the other vanquish their foes.

Neither of us know where this will take us,
But we both know that this will make us
Ever hold fast in this truth;
The sweetest of loves we love in our youth.

And this love will endure through all life’s demands,
And at the end of the day we will hold each other’s hands,
And wonder anew where this will take us;
This, our relationship.
355 · May 2020
Teh (edited)
Lily May 2020
You’d think that after
All this time I’ve spent typing,
That I could spell “the”.

Brain gets going way
Faster than my hands and then
Teh the lights go BANG! out.

I’m in a horror
Movie and I can’t break free, can’t stop
This train of thought from

Moving onward, but
Then my dreaded enemy
Appears on teh screen.

Teh red squiggly line,
Object of my nightmares, bane
Of my existence.

I’m forced to stop, move
Teh cursor away from teh
Train, draining seconds.

Must catch up with my
Brain, must… I must… I’m losing
Steam… then another

Teh.
My English teacher challenged me to write a funny poem, so I decided to add onto my old poem "Teh."  Enjoy~
355 · Jun 2018
I'm Human
Lily Jun 2018
I'm human.
I'm extremely selfish, saying things I don't really mean,
And not saying the things that I mean.
I'm not observant, and I don't know how
To make people happy, how to fit into society,
And how to show my love to those I care about most.
I'm often grumpy, out of sorts, and sad,
Not finding happiness in things everyone else finds happiness in.
What can I say?
I'm human.
I can say what I want to through writing,
And use my written words to express myself.
I have enormous love and compassion,
And finding ways to show it will be a learning experience
I can have throughout my life.
Even though I can be sad, I also have a
Tremendous ability to be happy, joyful, and
To do things that fulfill that happiness.
What can I say?
I'm a beautiful human.
347 · Feb 2019
The First Words
Lily Feb 2019
What was the first word ever spoken?
What started all of this language,
What started music, poetry?
What phrase was the first that the universe
Ever heard, the first words
That graced the air, that flew up
To be heard?
If you believe the Bible, as I do,
God said, “Let there be light.”
But what was the
First word that us humans spoke?
No matter what language it was spoken in,
I will believe until the end of time
That the first words spoken on Earth were
From Adam to Eve the first time he laid eyes on her:
“You’re beautiful.”
And that’s why we write poetry,
And critique ourselves,
And try so hard to find the perfect metaphors and similes.
Because we can never get even remotely close
To the eloquence of those first words.
“You’re beautiful.”
Inspired by M-E's poem, "Come closer" <3
340 · Apr 2018
I (Don't) Love You
Lily Apr 2018
I (don’t) miss you.
I miss your cute good morning texts,
Holding your hand in the hallway,
Sneaking kisses between classes.
But I don’t miss you.
I (don’t) need you.
I need your comfort after a nightmare,
Your strong arms when I’m upset,
Your loving words whispered in my ear.
But I don’t need you.
I (don’t) want you.
I want your cheeky smile,
Your gorgeous body,
Your easy laugh.
But I don’t want you.
I want your love and affections,
I want someone to deeply care about me,
But I don’t love you.
I (don’t) love you.
330 · May 2018
Not Love
Lily May 2018
Concern, not worry,
There was fear, but not panic,
Feeling, but not love.
My first attempt at a haiku!
326 · Apr 2018
Everything and Nothing
Lily Apr 2018
I have experienced a lot of things in this world,
Maybe even more than I want to.
I’ve felt the sorrow of losing a friend,
The inevitable grief when you realize
You’ll never hear them talk again.
I’ve felt the sun on my back,
The wind in my face,
And the soft, tender pressure of your hand in mine.
I’ve felt the clock tick slowly,
Night after night,
The pressure of sleep that hasn’t come
Attacking my head like a battering ram.
I’ve felt a lover’s kiss,
The warm hug of a friend,
And a mother’s comfort through tears.
But why?
Why have I experienced all this,
Why was this made known to me?
For what purpose am I here,
Experiencing these things?
I guess I’ll know when the experience is over.
323 · Jan 2020
choreographed love
Lily Jan 2020
It was a retro roller rink,
Skating around boards that gave you splinters,
Trying each arcade game, wasting quarters,
And how many times you could bribe the DJ to
Play your favorite song.
He was sitting alone in the corner of the side cafe,
At the booth where the floor had a giant crack,
Where his foot was nervously tapping,
Sunshine was streaming in on his curly red hair,
As he waited in suspense for
Her
To walk through the door, all confidence and smiles,
Like she was the lead in a musical.
She had that magical way of walking and skating,
Almost like every move was a
Choreographed mix of chaos and art.
The hours passed, the rink cleared out,
The sun went down over his booth,
And he continued to tap his foot on the
Crack in the floor.
But when she came sweeping in that door at
11:36 pm brighter than the disco ball,
His heart swelled like the bass on a road trip,
And as the two of them sweat their hearts out
On the rink until the wee hours of the morning,
That maze of splinters and heartbreaks,
He found that he had never been as happy as he was with
Her.
I just started a poetry class at my college today, and this is the first poem that came out of it!  Let me know what you think! :)
317 · Mar 2018
Emotions
Lily Mar 2018
What if I was immune to all negative emotion?
What if I couldn't feel pain,
Sorrow,
Fear,
Anger,
Jealousy,
Anxiety?
At first thought, this would be a good thing,
Something to celebrate, to revel in.
I couldn't be hurt,
Sad,
Scared,
Angry,
Envious,
Anxious.
But what about my positive experiences?
Would they mean nothing?
Without my bad experiences, would my
Good ones be forgotten, lost in the void?
How can I feel relief when I've never known pain?
How can I appreciate happiness when I've never known sorrow?
Without fear and anger, how can contentment and pleasure
Be measured?
How can jealousy and anxiety stack up when we have
Everything we need and have no cause for worry?
How can life be lived?
What new ideas, experiences can be gained without negativity?
How does the world thrive without a contrast of emotions?
Would feeling nothing or feeling everything be better,
Better for your mind, your body, your world?
Your soul?
313 · Mar 2018
Lies
Lily Mar 2018
I am a spider, a black widow,
Trapped in her own web.
I weaved it all around me,
With the purpose of trapping another.
My fly was so gullible, so naive,
It was easy, so easy to craft,
The fly falling for the slightest of movements,
The smallest strand of silk.
The fly lies trapped, but unaware,
Never struggling, just hanging there.
Ignorance remains its best friend,
Believing that it is free, opportunities abundant.
It doesn’t know that I have it in my grasp,
Slowly bending it to my will,
Unwittingly creeping closer and closer to its demise.
Yet as it dangles blindly,
I’m thrashing wildly, realizing what surrounds me.
A lucid dream it is, alert to my environment,
But dream control has not arisen.
Praying a dream is all it is,
Struggling against the web I wove,
Drowning in my man-made lake,
Denying all the lies I told.
Accepting my fate as into the web I fold.
301 · Apr 2018
I Do
Lily Apr 2018
Do I love you too much?
Am I supposed to feel this much?
Because every time I think your happiness might be
In the slightest way impeded or stopped,
My heart lies smitten, its beats off and tormented,
The muscle itself not knowing whether
It has enough strength to continue with
The next beat.  What is there to live for
If you are not happy?  
If tears fall down your face, who am I to smile?
If your mind is tormented by nightmares,
Who am I to lose myself in daydreams?
If you’re anxious about the world,
Who am I to enter it with confidence?
Because I truly love you, I have no choice
But to put your happiness over my own.
It feels as natural as that favorite shirt,
The perfect opening to a novel,
Sunlight streaming through the window on an unmade bed.  It feels so perfect, so right, that I can’t help
But shed tears when you do,
Experience terror during your nightmares,
To wallow in your uncertainty.  
Do I love you too much?  
Am I supposed to feel this much?  
Because I do.
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