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Esther L Krenzin Jun 2018
(For Eric Killmonger)
A little boy stared in the clouds
Forgotten tales screaming loud
His word small and nothing wrong
It all shattered after too long
Stories of cities that touched the sky
Clans of people untouched by time
Hope soon filled his boyish dreams
But not everything was as it seemed
One night he came home and saw
His father dead, struck down by claw
Weeping over his fathers head
He begged him to stay, not leave him instead
Shattered dreams and shattered hopes
He held the myth achingly close
Alone, no one there to guide
He locked his humanity deep inside
Battling for a way to free them all
Seeking power and in deaths thrall
The world had taken everything away
And all in one single day
So he would take everything away from it
His soul a star no longer lit
Now he lay there quietly dying
His enemy close, no longer fighting
The world it seemed would take him too
His glittering eyes full of rue
There was nothing left for him here
Breathing ragged and full of fear
Finally he took his very last breath
And slipped away as his life left
And as the sun left the sky
The night descended with a sigh
The little boy was dead and gone
His life a sad and weary song.
-Roguesong-
-Esther L. Krenzin-
I loved this Eric in the Black Panther movie, and I felt so bad for him.
His whole life he believed in a dream.
His whole life he believed that he could make a difference, and fight for those who are oppressed.
He just wanted to help.
Esther L Krenzin Oct 2018
Strong and resolute, it stands
seeking with claw-like limbs
for sunlight and raindrops.
Leaves, crimson and gold
slip from trailing branches
coming to rest on frozen ground.
Whispering and sighing
the great oak bends and sways
in the icy wind.
Roots, beneath the surface
delve deep down
growing
strengthening
as ages pass--
untouched by frost.
The strong winds may blow
and wage their wars
brittle branches may splinter.
But still the oak stands
bending
not breaking against the forces.
-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
We must learn to be more flexible in life, and not let the world make us hard and unforgiving. If a tree were hard and brittle, than it would break and fall over. And if it had no roots, it would never be standing in the first place. When we are born, we are born a tree bud with roots like small veins. As the years past we grow and learn the ways of the world, our roots growing and spreading. Life may be difficult, there may be suffering, and we may become hard and splinter into pieces. But remember that everything that is broken, comes back stronger than before. I once saw lightning strike down a towering oak, causing it to fall and leave nothing but a barren stump.
After a year or two, a little tree began to grow from the stump of its former self, becoming everything it was before it fell--if not even more beautiful.
To this day, it still stands, looking as if nothing ever happened.
Life will knock you down, but it is your choice whether or not you will stand up again, or stay down.
Esther L Krenzin Nov 2018
So high, that you could touch the clouds
The world below looked so fragile and small
The lives and worries a single speck amidst the grains of sand.
City lights glowed like tiny stars, blinking in and out of existence following the rythm of code
like the algorithm of a computer.
What once felt so big, is now but a ghost
What once felt so small, is now invisible to the eye--
but not to the heart.
-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
High in the embrace of a plane, what do you see when you look below?
Esther L Krenzin Jun 2018
A whisper floats into my ear
So soft that I can barely hear
Tearing me apart deep down inside
I just want it to end, and peace to reside
It offers power and darkness to me
How lost I am I just cannot see
Part of me begs to again find the light
But the greed overcomes and darkens my sight
I've lost who I was to fear and hate
And now I'm trapped and think its too late
Tears spring to my eyes as I lift them high
Seeking wisdom and answers that aren't based on lies
The mask fades, the lie I built
To block the pain and heart wrenching guilt
Looking at the cracked reflection of my face
All I see is a failure and a disgrace
A monster that I myself have created
Is now the very person to be hated
The choices spin around in my head
As I stand here now wishing I was dead
Could I give it all up and run away?
Or lose myself to evil and stay?
I let go of the light and embrace the dark
Crushing the old me leaving not a spark
The ember in the ashes eventually dies out
Leaving an empty shell full of doubt
Clutching my weapon I scream
Wishing it all was a dream
But it is real, I am real
And I just want it all to heal
Instead I stand here, taking deep breaths
No friend but my shadow who hasn't yet left
Inside it hurts but outside it sleeps
So I'll stand here again as it silently reaps

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
I wrote this poem for Kylo Ren, because I feel bad for him. He's gone through so much, and is so conflicted and sad. I wrote this so that I, and others can understand him better.
I hope you liked it.
Peace out,
Roguesong.
Esther L Krenzin Jul 2018
I stand alone, the ghosts of my parents lingering
in my heart
Remembering the death
the change
the upheaval of life how it was
The remains of my soul splinter
and crack
As I remember the terrible deeds that a
desperate girl committed.
~
I, that girl, remember humanity as
it was;
whole
untainted
pure
But the fear and pain overcome and all reason
leaves
Forged into iron and steel that
bleeds tears
~
"It hurts so much," I whispered
"I just want to be whole and normal."
I'd do anything to fix myself
Even if it meant destroying my
humanity
~
I found I was afraid to leave this
world
For in all of its horror and evil
Beauty still existed amidst the pain
And I wanted to live
and laugh
and feel
I wanted to experience
and love
and dream
But it was all ripped away that
fateful night
Lost and destroyed, out of
sight
~
But then a gentle woman appeared
And smiled at me with kind eyes
With the touch of a hand I
was set free
Finally able to just be me
I started to cry from the absence
of pain
And I knew the world for me
would change
A chance to live a life once more
No thought to what came
before
~
I was able to touch
and dance
and fly
Dream
and sing
and touch the sky
I'll start again and my story I'll tell
And proudly wear the scars I earned
well.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
(For Ghost, the misunderstood "villain" in Antman and Wasp)
Esther L Krenzin Jul 2018
The ocean booms and rages
And something inside me stirs
at the wild beauty,
ancient power,
and feeling,
that calls my name.

The warm salty breeze caresses
my face,
and as the sun slips into the sky
silhouettes of birds winging their way
amidst the glowing darkness
enter my mortal vision.

I lay in the soft sand,
and pull some into my open palm.
Are we like sand?
Soft and pretty at first,
but once rain falls
and the world throws hardship
at us,
we become harsh
coarse
and gritty.

If so, we must learn to
accept that there will
always be rain,
And learn to soften into the
person we are
deep down.

Strong,
and yet still soft enough to
experience life's joys.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
You are strong. But it is okay to feel. It is okay to have strength that does not bow and does not break.
Esther L Krenzin Aug 2018
A little girl danced to a song
her world small and nothing wrong
And in that instant she knew that she
a dancer she would always be
Her dream since the tender age of five
she knew that she must work and strive
Stumbling, falling, she fell to the ground
hurting herself severely she found
Years later it was all just a dream
everything went back to normal it seemed
And then one day she hurt it again
but still she pushed on and didn't let it win.

For long months she endured and toiled
the pain refusing to be foiled
They all tried to make it heal
but it wouldn't, and her fate it sealed
Keeping it hidden from everyone close
even the ones she loved the most
For she was scared and very angry
didn't want to lose her dream you see
When it was all too much to shoulder
she caved in and the world turned colder.

They told her she would have to quite
her heart a candle no longer lit
She stopped breathing as the world froze
blinking numbly she arose
Sitting backstage as her music played
mutely staring as the future was made
And then the music ended
and all the dancers ascended
As she sat thinking, "is this real?"
"Why God? I just want it to heal."
Tears frozen in her eyes
as she desperately wished it was lies
Picking up a flower from the floor
all that was left of what was before.

Holding herself alone at night
the crying girl a broken sight
Losing her dream was the hardest thing
her voice she found no longer sang
What would she do now that its gone?
a uncaring façade she would have to don
All that was left was memories
she wished the unending pain would just cease
The poor little girl learned to soon
that the world was harsh and full of gloom
The hardened girl still remembers
a life she had, now ashes and embers.

She'll never forget but she will let go
telling her precious dream farewell
To this day it still hurts
but she's stronger now when it wont desert
I know this girl very deeply
because you see
its really
me.
-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
The bravest thing I've ever done, is continuing to live when I wanted to die.
The hardest thing I've ever done, is telling my precious dream goodbye.
Esther L Krenzin Mar 2019
Why is it so hard to breathe
with feet planted on dry land?
What chains itself tight in
our throats?
Can you flee until your limbs
snap?
Can you run from the raindrops
before they fall?
Maybe one day the sun will shine
on a candid smile
Maybe on day we won't feel as if we
are tossed about in dark waters
And maybe, one day, we will feel at home
on dry land.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
This earth is such a foreign yet familiar place.
Esther L Krenzin Nov 2018
A fragile shell of what once was,
decimated beyond comprehension.
Shards of a old life slipping away,
into the silent empty space.

Memories of loved ones,
eluding desperate hands that reach and seek--
For what is buried beneath the dust.

Submerged in perpetual darkness,
the stars have lost their light,
the moon has lost its glow.
Every infinitesimal shard of your very essence,
is engulfed in the empty space.

The empty space that exists outside time,
awareness,
and matter;
Hides in the desolate corners of your mind.

A invisible fog covers your soul,
stealing it away like a thief in the night.
And you are left unreachable,
a blank page in a book full of blotted ink.

The ones who loved you with every breath in their lungs,
surround and overwhelm with tear filled eyes.
Utterly helpless as you disappear.

Years pass,
and
you
Fade.
Vanish.
Evaporate into the empty sky.
Dead to yourself.
Dead to the world.
Dead to the ones who loved you most.

And though your gone, an empty space lingers in your wake.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
For Grandpa, who was diagnosed with dementia when I was five. He has disappeared and I cannot see anything but a broken shell.
Esther L Krenzin Apr 2019
Sometimes I think you look at me
and see an empty cup
lacking in every quality
you desire to see
So you pour from your own
trying to fill mine to the brim
what you don't realize is that
I'll never
be full in your eyes
there will always be a drop
or three missing
so don't waste your precious water on
me
I'll never
be enough
to satisfy
you.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
Will I ever be enough?
Esther L Krenzin Jan 2019
Sitting alone with the stars
I wait
For the last minutes of today
to fade into tomorrow
Turning what felt so precious
to memories
I remember the nights spent on the rooftop
caterwauling to the stars
and ache a little more
Everything reminds me of when we
had sock races across the slippery floor
Danced in the sky
fought battles with swords of leaves
Lay underneath a ceiling of blankets
and got tipsy on caffeine
That which cannot be tangible
feels like a knife to the heart
And as I wave goodbye
to the retreating light
tears start to pour from unblinking eyes
I stare motionless as it disappears
into the night
Quiescent as my body shakes from the cold
I cannot feel
Life is full of goodbyes it seems
and nothing lasts forever
But just this once I wish it would
just this once I would turn back time
To have a few more minutes of oblivion
even a few seconds
But time waits for no man
and no man waits for time
That is what you would say, isn't it?
They say that time has no beginning
and no end
But this feels final
this feels like the end to something
I will never have again.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
To Michael, my dear, dear, friend. Who was always there for me, who I cared for so deeply. Thank you for the many laughs we had together. And the many memories we made. I shall treasure them always.
Esther L Krenzin Jan 2019
Remember that have to nurture your own light
before it can shine
Even if you are empty
even if there is no one to hold your hand
You'll find that a different kind of strength
comes from what you go through
alone.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
You are strong. You are brave. You are here. It will be over soon.
Hold yourself until the tears dry.
Hold yourself until you feel your soul gain some of the weight
it lost.
Esther L Krenzin Dec 2018
My story is filled with blotted ink
from the tears that so freely fell
Ensnared behind my closed mouth
words form and then rebel
Hands bleed with the need to write
but the pen has long been dry
Sometimes I wonder if
it has always been a lie
Then what is this
that flows through my veins?
Forged from silver
held back by chains
I do not see blood
only unformed murmurs
Mere fragments of the thoughts
buried beneath the armor
And if you tore me open
all you will ever find
Is blank paper
torn pages
and ink run dry.
-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
Do you ever long to write yet no words form? To put down on page what feels so powerful yet so
quiet.
Esther L Krenzin Jan 2019
Drowning in waters of storm
I flail desperately to keep my head
above the glimmering
surface.
Invisible to the ones I need the most
my plea for help leaves my lips unheard
And so I drown with no company save my
shadow.
I want to get drunk on the stars
to have their luminescent light fill my being
and fill in the cracks left by my
scars.
So I swallow shards of glass
in a futile attempt to end the pain
I close my eyes and let them shred who  I am
who I used to be.
But when the stained slivers fill my gut
all I feel is cold numbness
All I hear are their words so carefully cruel
slashing into me like
knives.
So I curl up in a ball on the bottom of the lake
and let myself drown
Into darkness
Into oblivion.
-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
Sometimes what we think might save us from ourselves, only harms us further.
Esther L Krenzin Apr 2019
I have been unmade and made anew
bolts loose, screws askew
metal stitches holding jagged words abrew
Light a match, no make it two
don't smile at me
I know its true
don't construe my issue
with you
respects not owed and its not due
don't feed me lies
my trust you blew
spooned shards of glass
masked subterfuge.

Don't cast me out
don't look away
I'm a stowaway
renegade
castaway
what makes you think I will obey?
I know the face that I portray
like I'm asking to be betrayed
but cut some slack, bits of leeway
I'll scrounge for scraps
don't make me pay
you cut my tongue, I won't soothsay
the odds for me will soon outweigh
just watch I'll drop this masquerade
and I'll cutaway
to counterweigh
this disarray
replay
this wordplay
display of
swordplay
'cause I'm a stowaway
renegade
castaway

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
Esther L Krenzin Mar 2019
Some strength comes from pushing
your own head
to the surface of the raging current
Without a helping hand
to pull you out
Some strength is in the form of fists
clenched and brimming eyes
unflinching
And some strength is in the
heavy silence
That returns at every crack breaking
across the surface of your heart.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
I am strong. I do not need them. I can stand alone and forge my own path.
Esther L Krenzin Mar 2019
I catch a glimpse of myself
in everything
a miniscule glimmer
a tinkling whisper that floats into
my consciousness
I see it in wild beasts
who flash a feral grin
I see it in the wind
as it tears across the trees
It is even in the sun
when it folds into the horizon
"Like calls to like"
Some say
and believe it to be true
Clenched fists
choked laughs
trembling lips
A ravaged piece of me contracts
at the aching heart I know
is within that beautiful exterior
Perhaps, deep down, our soul is sewn
of the same material
Perhaps there is a single stitch
that binds us together
And all it takes is a single
snip
to cleave it in two.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
What brings us together?
What tears us apart?
Esther L Krenzin Apr 2019
I am the girl who brings the rain
I am the girl of many floods
so be wary
for
I don a cloak of thistles
and thorns when
provoked.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
Esther L Krenzin Mar 2019
When someone breaks your trust
you'll never forget
But if you let it scar
if you let it toughen
your edges
The only person you'll hurt is
yourself
So even though it stings
even though its hard
Forgive
And be wary against further bruising.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
I know its hard, but holding grudges is hurtful to both you, and others.
Esther L Krenzin Sep 2019
i treat you this way
because i cant afford to acknowledge your pain
if i did
i'd have to acknowledge my own.
Esther L. Krenzin
Esther L Krenzin Jan 2019
Through sunlit paths
and raging storms
Arms linked together
in uniform
Jocose laughter
warm smiles
Golden moments
made worthwhile
As the clock ticks
through silken air
Precious seconds slip
to who knows where
Spent with souls
of softened steel
Condensed in flesh
within concealed
Standing together
as harsh winds blow
Hand in hand
strong roots below
Though years may pass
in a blurry haze
We stay together
united--always.
-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
To my friends who never leave my side, who support me when its hard, and smile with me when its easy. You are worth more than you know.
Love you.
Esther L Krenzin Mar 2019
Armor can
stop knives
but some things
cut deeper
than they ever could.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
Words hurt more than we let on.
Esther L Krenzin Jun 2019
Explaining myself
is an privilege
and I do not owe it to anyone
not even the ravaged girl
born of glass and mirrors
whose cutting stare picks me apart
even from the realm
of reflections and lies.
Esther L. Krenzin
Esther L Krenzin Jun 2022
Shots
fired
armor donned
shielding the softness
displayed so openly
in the springtime haze
of youth
fear chokes trust
persuades us
that everyone
is hiding a knife up their sleeve
we package up our vulnerability
wrap our heart in bubble wrap
expecting each wound
to bleed a little less
but healing is impossible
in the absence
of oxygen.

Esther L. Krenzin.
Esther L Krenzin Jun 2018
I'm still here after all this time
As my heart cries out within me
Pushing the crushing sorrow away
So that I may finally be free
Looking up at the stormy sky
Wondering if it will ever fade
Excluded from the sun
And drowning in the rain
"What have I done?" I cry
Eyes blurred by tears
Seeking answers around me
Fighting away my fears
Crumbling heart fails
Stony façade drops
Fragile soul shatters
As the pain stops
Replaced with numbness
And age old feelings arise
Tearing me apart
Blinded by demise
But I'm still here...
Oh I'm still here...
After all of this time...

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
Your still here. So am I.
It will be okay.
You will be okay.
Esther L Krenzin Apr 2019
Don't discard me
like a seashell
with a blemish
yes
I'm cracking
of course
I'm crumbling
no amount of polishing
will sand away the bits
of me
you'd rather not deal with

Again
and
again
I am picked up
examined
and thrown away
always falling short
never the right shade
or shape

Forlorn
in the sand I await
unable to unsee
everyone
but
me
being chosen

One day
as the sun sets
I let myself release the childish
dream
that I was enough for
them
that they were enough
for
me.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
Atelophobia: the fear of imperfection. The fear of never being good enough.
Esther L Krenzin Jan 2019
Its okay to cry
they say
again and again
But no matter how many times I hear it
it never feels true
Because I can't show that vulnerable
part of me
This raging salty storm within
gets caught in my throat
and words cannot form
So I grit my teeth
clench my fists
and paint my flesh with bruises
Anything to make it go away
anything to keep the tears
swimming in the depths of my eyes.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
Esther L Krenzin Apr 2019
Dad
With just a few words
you crush me to smithereens
taking and taking without giving
anything in return
Even as something in my chest
collapses
Even as I feel my walls crumble
nothing can halt the sting of hurt
that follows you
You handle words like a double-edged
blade
a prodigy in the art of inflicting
pain
Spitting acid into the air between
it collects beneath my flesh and
eats away at me from within
So I summon shields of wintery smiles
and icy eyes
in the futile hope it will ensconce
bandaged bruises
I make myself stand tall before you
unflinching
unrelenting
and unexpecting.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
Dad, you can be so hurtful.
Esther L Krenzin Apr 2019
Mom
Who cares for you Mom, when you
cry alone?
You give and you give
so much
to your children
and to all who are fortunate enough
to cross your path

But what about you, Mom?
Who holds your hand when your shoulders shake
from the strain
of getting up
and moving on
even when all you want to do is curl up
and have one more minute
before facing the day

Its okay Mom, sit down for a bit
take that breath you needed
you don't have to be strong all the time
why should you, when your in
the deep end
flailing for peace
clawing for acceptance
and fighting to find the meaning
behind
every
blow
that's dealt

Your dreams, something to cherish in
quiet moments
have been shoved to the bottom of your
starving soul
for so long
you cannot hear their screams anymore

What I would give to heal your wounds
and take away the heartbreak
for you deserve to sing until
like a balm
it soothes away internal festering

"Chin up," they say, "You are brave."
Well I say, "Head down, dear one."
"There is bravery in the strength it takes
to show that you are hurting."

So Mom, when you are struggling
to deal with a unending sea
of pain
close your eyes
breath in
and out
wade into the dark waters
and let
the healing
begin.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
To Mom. Who is the strongest woman I know. Who has faced death, and pain and loss. Yet she is still standing. To all the brave mothers out there.
You are seen.
You are appreciated.
And you are loved.
Esther L Krenzin Feb 2019
An icy storm howled and groaned about me, whipping the trees to and fro in its insatiable wrath. Sheets of rain poured from the murky sky, a torrent of water and wind pummeling my aching body.
I felt so small as I stood in the midst of the raging storm. So small and useless.
What was I but a mere ant, an insignificant worm in the face of this world? How could anything as small as I carry a ripple?
The world would still wage its wars, blind to the evil it was; injustice and oppression practically embroidered into the fabric of existence. Rulers would still dictate and control. The poor citizens would suffer in their poverty as the higher up drowned in their riches. Those who stood up and spoke out against the nobles were persecuted for questioning authority.
And so it seemed to me as if nothing we ever did would make a difference.
Lowering lashes glimmering with dew, I let the rain wash over me.  It seemed an ironic time for a storm, and I wondered if maybe the world was crying—lamenting over what humanity had come to.
“Why are you standing out here amid the rain?”
I took a ragged breath before turning around, blinking water out of my eyes. Eleanor stood behind me, leaning against a jagged pillar and studying me with an inscrutable expression.
“I thought I’d find you out here.” She said and pushed herself off the rock to face me. Her curly dark mass of hair was plastered to her face, and her fierce hazel eyes glimmered with condensation. “Moping won't get you anywhere you know.”
I shook my head at her. “I’m not moping.”
It was easy, easier than it should have been to slip on the masquerade, to look as if there was not a care in the world. The recent ordeals had left me drained and numb.
Eleanor threw her head back and laughed loudly. “I know moping the moment I see it. Now, spit it out.”
I clenched my fists in the pockets of my thick coak. “I am simply debating the best course of action to take from here.”
She grinned humorlessly. “You little liar. I see right past your guise down into your soft little heart. You can't-fool me, Flynn, I’ve seen more in this harsh world than someone twice my age.”
I tried to push the smoldering anger away, but her words sparked an inferno. She had no idea, no idea, of what I have gone through. How dare she make rash assumptions off of her own feeble experiences?
“You know nothing of what I have endured,” I said quietly, eyes flashing as I met her gaze.
Eleanor took a few steps closer until she was nose to nose with me. I could count every freckle on her bronze skin, every eyelash.
“You don’t sit around waiting for things to get better, you do something about it.” She whispered fiercely. “The world won't change itself, things won't just automatically get better. Everything that lasts takes time.”
Eleanor turned around and faced the setting sun; the sky lit up with the hues of the sunset. Her silhouette composed an impressive figure against the horizon, glistening with raindrops from the dull drizzle that now swept over the distant mountains.
“Someday,” she breathed, “you won't have to hide.”
I stared at her, enraptured at the quiet strength that overtook her features as she gazed out into the distance.
Eleanor twisted around again, her face somber. “Someday the world will accept you for who you are. But don’t wait for that day, don’t wait up for them—beat them to it and accept yourself now.”
A small beam of trembling sunlight entered into the suffocating darkness, thawing away at the ice that had slowly taken over within. I felt something I had not felt in a long time.
Hope.
Overwhelming in its promise and almost tangible to the imagination. I knew it was far away, farther than the length of the stars and back. And though everything was against me, though I would be met with opposition and suffering—would anyone else raise their voice for change?
I opened my eyes and found them full of the sun. “To an new dawn.”
Eleanor flashed her teeth in a voracious grin, her eyes full of promise. “To a new future.”
I held my breath at the words I would say; terrified my wish would disappear once uttered aloud. “To a world where those born of darkness, can shine just as bright.”

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
#book #authorlife #mywritings #character #fiction #emotional #fantasy #creative #story #darkness #drafts
Esther L Krenzin Mar 2021
they are never coming back
let them go
it’s time
this road does not lead to happiness
deep breaths
i know it hurts
but we are strong
and we can open our hearts to forgiveness
don’t disappear
i see you
your still here
trying to hide
but that cannot keep you safe, dear one
nothing of this world can keep heartbreak
from knocking on your door.

Esther L. Krenzin
Esther L Krenzin May 2019
We are all dreamers
in a world of slumber.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
Esther L Krenzin Dec 2018
When the tears spring to my eyes like a salty mist
this is where I go
where I stay
All my thoughts and feelings pour out into words
bleeding and transforming that which is
untouchable
into something tangible
For though I long to scream, to shout, to cry
a small creature within holds me back
and I don't know what it is
What is this beast that slumbers inside?
I find myself an anomaly I cannot understand
and wonder if others think the same

They say I am harsh, cold, and mean
and I know, I know what I am
but something small and tender
aching and afraid
urges me to unleash my claws in a desperate attempt to
defend my heart
It is impossible to ignore, because it abides
deep in my bones
and when I was young and starry eyed
I used to tell myself it was okay
but its not
it never was
When life becomes hard, I do too
and I am sorry, ever so sorry for those who unleash
their own claws on me
for they will find a whirlwind of steely fangs and ire
bursting to the brim with ferocity

I am broken, splintered, ever so weathered
from what life has thrown at me
I see now that it isn't about
surviving
Its about living
But how can I call this living when all the softness
I used to see in this world
is gone?

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
There is a monster within that hurts ever so much. There is a monster within that bares its teeth and bites.
Esther L Krenzin Sep 2021
no matter the distance
or all the missed phonecalls
and unread texts
in a way
a small piece of my heart
will always belong
to you
my first love
and first heartbreak.

Esther L. Krenzin
Esther L Krenzin Jul 2018
As the rolling hills pas by
I wonder where they go
where they come from
and how something so beautiful and rural
could be created with a single thought
Such power and freedom
I cannot comprehend
But oh, to be able to mold your
passions
Create your dreams
And control all that is around you
What I would give to have
that power
But then I come to the realization
that I do
Everything I need is within my grasp
All I need is to open my
mind
to what I already posses.

-Esther L. Krenzin -
-Roguesong-
Esther L Krenzin Jul 2018
Everything sings of beauty
life
emotion
Building and swelling into something
wild
unrestrained
and free
Enchanting melodies pierce the fabric of
reality
and thought
Provoking a creation entirely new
What once was twists and morphs into
what will be
Lies built so carefully unravel
revealing the ugly
naked
truth
The truth that sets fire to the soul
And breaths life into the once aching
heart.
-Roguesong-
-Esther L. Krenzin-
Esther L Krenzin May 2019
Vertigo
beneath the moons shadow
rough rope gripped
between trembling fingers
spinning stars
silence
a solitary wind teased my face
toes brushed dew-gilded ground

I leaned backwards
as if folding into the silky embrace
of darkness
eyes closed
the nearest my wingless form
could get to soaring

Slipping back to earth
I took a flying leap
throwing myself onto the
mere slip of a swing
breathless
weightless
the world tilted like an axis off kilter

There, in the stillness of the moment
I feasted my gaze on the way
the trees reached upward
as if they too, were searching
for something

Reality, right then, felt fragile
I dared not blink
for fear of breaking the spell
nothing existed outside
blinking fireflies
the wind as it enfolded around me
and I
gorging to gain the weight
my soul had lost.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
Ataraxia: the state of bliss and serene calmness.
Esther L Krenzin Mar 2019
Does the past stalk us for a
reason?
Or is all this turmoil just a
season?
Eyes turned inward to what's
now behind
Adversity won over in the pull of
time
Dwelling on imprints of paths long
walked
Move onward, dear one, no need to
balk
Those days are done, those suns have
set
Take steps forward, don't live
to regret.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
Esther L Krenzin Apr 2019
I promise its okay to let your head hang low
some trees have to bend
so they do not break
We are human
and our chins cannot stay up
forever
And Dear One
you are precious
do not let them fill you with the ache
they too are feeling
Remember that you have to fall
before you can rise.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
It is okay to break down. It is okay to not get back up immediately.
Esther L Krenzin Aug 2020
we are all born
with dreams that have a
expiration date
but some expire
before others

Esther Krenzin
Esther L Krenzin Feb 2019
That which weighs down your soul
set it free
Those who push you away
let them go
When the storm comes and you can't escape
breathe
And when the silences becomes too much
release.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
Take care of yourself.
Esther L Krenzin Jan 2019
Stars fall like dreams
that have lost their shine
Collecting like dust
in the distant skyline
From afar they glow
with iridescent light
But sputter and wink out
when brought close to sight
Molten silver
more precious than gold
From the stars that fell
mere fragments of old.
-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
I think the stars may be what I hold dearest in this world.

— The End —