I cannot cleanse my soul
     until I remove the filth

I cannot mend my heart
     until I remove the hate

I cannot live my future
     until I remove my past

I cannot breathe in peace
     until I remove **myself

There's a few days
When
I don't think
About you

Those amount to
A total of two
And one of
Those days
I slept
Through

The other
I was too
High to see
And

Too concentrated
On breathing
To feel
The expanse
Of my heart
Breaking


What does this mean to you?

More than something

But not enough to make it all go away...

How many

T
    E
        A
            R
                S
                   ago

                           Did I say I'd stop crying?

To share my dreams with
To sleep next to every night
To laugh with everyday
To have children with
To love and cherish
To marry one day
To watch endless movies with
To spend forever with
To simply BE with
I would choose you
Every single time
EVERY SINGLE DAY
*ALWAYS

I wish I was one of
      Those people
Who has the ability
       To break a heart
So badly they **** a soul
          If I was....
I swear I'd never let someone hurt
      The way I have

I wish I was one of
          Those people
Who could be loved so fully
        Cherished so deeply
      If I was...
I'd return the favor tenfold
      So lovingly
   I'd never let them go
      The way I never was

I wish I was one of
        Those people
Who are worth all the love
      and genuine affection
Someone worth having someone there
             Someone
        That really cares
            If I was....
I'd never take them for
     Granted
The way I always was

I wish I was one of
           Those people
Who have found their true love
      Happiness and joy
Someone who deserves that
        Love and companionship
I wish I could be the other half
         To anothers soul
     If I was....
I'd never let it go

Christmas.... ugh
Isn't this a perplexing situation?
I have an interesting question...
First, I know this poem is not perfection
But does any one know what it's like
To be utterly alone on what's supposed to be
A most joyous day, surrounded by friends and family?
That annoying cherubic man
Won't be visiting my home
It's just an idiotic holiday
And no one cares I'll be alone
No homemade Christmas dinner
I might make myself a grade A steak
I'll raise a toast to myself
Nothing to boast about
Probably just whiskey, bottom shelf
I immense-ly hate Christmas
Say I'm dense-ly, I don't care
Been that way as long as I can remember
From the makeshift tree, when I was three
To being stuck homeless in a snow drift at sixteen
I can count all the "merry Christmas's" I've received
On one hand
It's never been merry, or happy
Most I got was engorged on stuffing
And a poorly cooked, dried out Turkey
No presents under the tree
With a gift tag saying Melanie


You know what? Sorry Quin,
but this is too **** depressing...
I quit...

Tequila, Velveeta
Distant, instant
Solemn, Gollum
Under-wear, I don't care
Tiny, finely
Flightless, loneliness
Hindrance, appliance
Backward, forward
Orange, purge
Rooftop, please stop
Kringle, Pringles

Ha! Invitations?
No...
Salutations...

**** you mean more to me than words can explain, yet you put me through this pain, again and again.  

Here I am, just awaiting the day, waiting for you to say "I love you more than words can say"

Feels like I'll just keep waiting and even when it's tiring and I feel like giving in,

I'll still be here.

Cause I won't give up, I can't give in, this is worth more than just living,  

This is existing.

Breathing.

Everything.

Thats what you've been to me, what you are to me, what you'll always be.  

The existence of me.  

An extension of living,

And with every breath I breathe, I believe you are for me,

So...

I inhale with your name on my lips,
I exhale with your face on my mind.

And everytime I think of you, I imagine you think of me too.

So everyday I'm here patiently waiting and you're out there living,  

Remember my name,
Remember my face

This place,  
This existence of me.

And everytime I breathe, your love fills my lungs...

and if I die before you come....

**Remember I breathed my last breath with your name on my tongue.

There's no greater love
Than that of a mother and her child
Times that by three
And the maternal instinct goes wild

To not be around what you hold dear
Can tear your world apart
Distance and no hope brings a tear
Ripping out the motherly heart



I miss them, truly deeply madly
They're my whole entire world
I need help to even see them again
One baby boy and two big girls

Their daddy was never truly a father
But now he's just using them to hurt me
Keeping them away, tearing them from my arms
Telling me I HAVE to just sign over custody

I want to fight this, I want to hold them every night
But no lawyer I can find is willing to help for free
I feel so lost, hopeless, like I'll never find a way
So, I'm putting my pride aside and asking for help with my poetry...

http://www.gofundme.com/r5wnpsd5

I'm tired
Tired of trying
Of being the nice girl
Of everyone calling me a sweetheart
Tired of always being the second choice
Of constantly having my life fall apart
Of having no one write me love poems
Tired of having nothing
Of never getting what I want
Of being so lonely
Of never getting what I deserve
Tired of feeling so **** sad
Of never getting the chance to be happy
Of thinking back to that knife
I'm so tired of being tired
I'm just tired of life



I don't wanna be tried
I thought you'd help me finally sleep
Now, my tiredness causes nightmares
And I've given up my chance at my dream

The riddle of me
Is bullets of art
Shooting ink stains
In your heart
So you'll always love me
And my mentality
Is a mental breakdown
Of three things
Words, beats and rhymes
Ahead of my time
Thinking of blasting stars
Around your head
Knocked down
Out for the count
Going old school
Wylie getting chased around
On the road running
Laps at the speed of sound
Dropping TNT
Boom
Anvils like beats
Flattening you out
Gettin dizzy quickly
Spinnin and spinnin
Thinking freely
It's my territory
Down a black hole
Following the white
Rabid junk dealing
Cat selling smiles
Getting mad feeling
The wheels are turnin
Inside out
A needle sewn
Through the vane
Injection infection
Man in the mirror
It's a sight to see
Through the glass
Pictures like a memory
Before my rhymes crash
And you see the other side of me
Revealing my destiny
Going insane
I'm the only one to blame
The ink stains
They're smothering me
Slithering inside me
Covering my body
The only thing to see
Is my heart exposed
But you all love me
With these rhymes
And flows
A new era
Another time
A blast from the past
But I'm heading to the future
89 miles an hour
And I'll return
Brake checkin
With tire tracks that burn
With doc in an urn
To lure you in
Back to where it all begins
Tattoos of a heart
Deep within my skin
To replace the oxygen
Breathing nitrogen
Ink stained again
Graffiti trigger
Spraying art
Deadly sins
Bullets tearin you apart
But these are my words
And they come from the heart

Inspiration strikes a sadness in my mind
Lightening fires of truth so bright I go blind
Wide awake yet dreaming of another time
Another place where things used to be fine
But in the back of my mind, where that inspiration strikes, I feel alive and alone in the sadness that overwhelms me at times, surrounded by the dream floating behind my eyes uncontrollably, bouncing off my mind getting ideas of time and space and distances between two places, satisfaction and depression, a thin line rests between my eyes, like a target, the bullseye is my soul and it's slowly disintegrating with every shot, look and insult fired my direction.
I'm losing control.
And my dreams are gaining ground, taking over and my reality is lost in the background.
My soul can no longer hear a sound.
I think I've died.
I've tried to come back around, telling myself it'll be alright.
But I lied.

I see you from across the room
I've known you for years
But I get this feeling inside
Like I just met you
And as I watch you
You slowly walk towards me
And my insides start to melt
As you get closer, our eyes lock
And I feel things I've never felt
You move me, make me wobble
Once your close enough to touch
I can't help but giggle
You put a finger to my lip
And I secretly smile to myself
Your fingertips move down my arm
Softly landing on my hip
You caress my face with a gentle touch
Then get closer until there's barely a breath between us
My knees go weak
This is all just too much
I sigh and lean in to your mouth
Your lips surround mine
Removing all my doubts
I can feel it in your kiss
And a sudden bliss overwhelms me
This electricity is too hot to miss
I go in hard, I can't help myself
My arms around your neck,
I feel you losing control of yourself
No holding back
I can't help but want for more
And in a flash
We're lying naked on the floor
Fingers, legs, hands and arms
We're completely intertwined
From our souls to our hearts
I feel love to depths divine
And there's no greater sensation
Than when your body finally enters mine
It's an overpowering friction
I'm surprised we're not engulfed in flames yet
These sparks are flying
I've never been hotter
The sweat starts dripping
We've never been wetter
The passions an electric surge
And my body's on fire
I fight the urge
Taking myself higher and higher
I'm lost in you
In your touch, in your eyes
And I'm surprised how unafraid I am
A guilty pleasure with no shame
We climb together as one
A game that we'll both win
Reaching peaks we never knew existed
Crying out in ecstasy
Again and again

I sigh...
And sleep
Cuddled in your arms
Heart and body
Safe from harm

I'm just the girl                  I'm just the creep
Who loved you                  That loved you
Who else could I               Who else could I
be?                                       be?
What else could I              What else could I
do?                                       do?
Please notice the               Please notice the
past tense                           past tense
Cause it's not like             Cause it's not like
before                                 before
I did love you once          I did love you once
But now I love you          But now I love you
no more                             no more

This girl right here
That loved you long ago
Well, I'm finally through
Just thought you should know
I no longer dream of you
I no longer wish you were mine
Truly, I loved you once
But I've left those feelings behind

                    I'm sitting here thinking about
                    His mischievous smile
                    When you walk by, I look there
                    To where my new prince
                    charming sits,
                    You leer at me, finally realizing
                    That you're lost at sea
                    Without me.
                    I'm gone, you see...
                   You should've caught me
                   When you still captivated my naiveté.

You should have loved this girl back
I've got so much heart to share
I could have loved you so right
Unfortunately, you never did care
I'm glad I'm so over you
I can finally move on to someone new
What I want, you never did give
A real man and poet, who's so true

                   I've already torn you out
                   From your throne in my heart,
                   I dragged you out by the throat,
                   While you got scratched by all
                   the thorns
                   Lying neatly everywhere.
                   You stare at me from the ground,
                   Pleadingly, but
                   No... I have grown.

Not only do you no longer reside
Inside this heart made of gold
You no longer haunt my dreams
You no longer have the key to my soul
The love I gave, you took for granted
But now my heart is free to love another
After this, my poetry will have no more specks of you
You'll be out of my mind forever

                    No longer will I fall into your divinity,
                    I can't stand your fake holiness.
                    I am the devil that caresses your soul,
                   The creep that awaits you in
                    your mirror
                   The little parasite that will
                    poison your mind
                   Whispering hymns and psalms
                    into your fingers and lips.

Can't you see?
That creep that haunts you,
Is secretly me.
But now that we're both through
We'll taunt both your dreams
Tear you from the inside out
Ripping at you from you inner seams
We loved you without a doubt
But now we'll forget about you
While you're left drowning in the deep
Remember us, when you can no longer breathe
Sincerely ~ This girl and that creep

I pretend it doesn't hurt
I close my eyes,  and picture
A fantasy,  based on a reality
My mind couldn't capture
This intensity, it's new to me

I pretend I'm not afraid
But I'm ashamed of this game I play
No rules,  no winner in the end
But what can I say,  
I just really need a friend

I pretend I'm not lost,
That I'm not confused
Truth is..  I dont know what to do
But I'm stuck in this inbetween
And not as happy as I seem

I pretend I'm strong
But that's wrong, because I can't really fight back
And I'm so far off track
The days turning pitch black

I pretend I'm happy
Cause it's easier than the truth
I'm not abused,  just dying inside from being used

And in the end,  
I'll keep playing this game
Cause it's easier to pretend
Than admit my shame

Well now,
I seen you got that look in your eyes
I know you saw right through my disguise
This front, this mask I wear
Trying to tell everyone
"Beware"

Yeah sweet,
I see your hidden side,
That you've been trying to hide,
But please, just be fair,
I'm different I really do
Care

So...  
You've seen what's been hidden
Underneath the paint on my face
I guess I'll have to apply a layer again
Can't let anyone touch my grace
I like being a mystery
Trapped in a
Haze

And...
There you are, out of my view
After I had a glimpse of the real you
Now I won't be put off
Or easy to faze
My life's complex
So I love a
Maze

It's true,
I do enjoy a chase
Sometimes, getting caught
Just ruins the game
So, as I look over my shoulder
I begin to
Wonder

I see...  
I'll  show you respect, admiration and grace,
I'll  continue to follow  but slow up my pace.
I still have my wits, but that's a wonder,
Considering it's your spell that I'm
Under

Do you now...
You know that I run for a reason?
I hide my inner light,
Cause I'm someone no one believes in
This life has been hard
And I'm the one dealing the cards
But I know now, I'm not the
Queen

Ah,
Unbelieved in is what you say?
I see it from another way,
You deal me the cards, and I pocket the hearts,
And you had it planned from the start,
You outplayed me, my trickster queen,
As we exit arm in arm as our final
**Scene

If
One
More
Person
Tells
Me
To
"Stay Strong"

*I'MGONNAFUCKINGTHROWSOMETHINGLARGEANDHEAVY

I want sleep
When I close my eyes
I smile

I need dreams
To see that face
It's been awhile

I crave poetry
Only yours will do
I'm so weak

I desire love
Only from you
To hear you speak

Wanting
Needing
Craving
Desiring
Sleeping, dreaming, poetry, loving
My life

On this course we travel
Of love, life and the things between
We all go through pain and suffering
We all have our own battles
Our own regrets, our own dreams
But it seems to me
That we all just need someone to say
"I'm here for you"
Or
"I love you"
Something that simple can help us all get through
A hand to hold or a shoulder to cling too
Just having someone there
Knowing someone actually cares
That's what gets all of us through everyday
Through every path, every different road we take
And although we all make mistakes
We need someone to lift us up
Tell us everything will be okay

I cannot tell a lie
And I will not lie back
To watch you *deny the truth
I never really loved you
I only ever felt affection
For all the abuse
That I knew I deserved
You may think it absurd
But how could I possibly
Love someone else
When I have yet to learn
How to love myself?
Or even live with myself?

Show a smile based on a lie,
Or a frown based on the truth,
Which would you prefer?
I'd like to smile
Once in a while
But I cannot tell a lie
And I will not lie back
To watch the truth die
In the soulless eyes
I see in my mirror
That girl whispers to me
But I cannot hear her
So she fades away
Silently

Yet, I know
This cannot be my destiny
Lies of smiles
Truths of frowns
It's bringing me down
I could think of a million lies
But only six eyes
To help me smile
More than just
Once in awhile
I cannot tell a lie
And I will not lie back
To watch you steal my smiles
My truths
My everything

I will stare in your eyes
While you spout all your lies
And watch you crumble
And Fall
While I smile
Standing tall
Staring down at your frown
Wishing you knew the truth
That I cannot tell a lie
And **I never really loved you

Smoking through the lightning storm
Fading slowly, safe and warm
Steady getting higher than the clouds
Reaching peaks my dreams never allowed
Unaware of the demons trying to force me underground
Angels lift me, fighting the rocks trying to pull me down
Settling within my own mind, attempting to discover my own truth
Lying to myself, unaware that my nightmares contain the proof
Suddenly falling through an unmistakable mist
Feeling lower than the ground I finally kissed

~
      
           If
            I
        Could
         Find
           The
            Rhymes...
    Would
         You
             Be
                Mine?

~

Smile when you think of all those that love you,
remember all the happy times in the past
not the sad ones.
Feel blessed to have all the joys you have had
and feel stronger for surviving all the bad moments.
So many people love you and want you to be happy.
Forget the people that don't,
they're not worth your thoughts.
I love you.
~ Tgwly/Melz

Sometimes, at the break of dawn
I contemplate where my life has gone
So many bad memories,
I'm not sure where I belong
Makes it difficult to move on.
'When did I become so withdrawn?
Is it even worth it to hang on?'

Sometimes, late at night
I contemplate suicide.
Nothing but bad dreams,
Keep me restless inside
Just a little thought in my mind:
*'What would happen to my life,
If I just left it all behind?'

There's more to LIFE
            
       Than just breathing

There's also *LIVING

Some words are life changing,
And once you say them
You can never take them back
So think before you say something hurtful
Or something that will not only change your life
But the lives of people you love
Sometimes
You're decisions don't only effect you
But all those around you
So think

When I call and you're too busy at work too answer

I just write a few lines and a couple rhymes
Just to pass the time
Cause you're always in my heart
And no matter how far apart
I know you'll forever be mine

That makes everything worthwhile

I laugh at the sound
    of the wind
As it echoes through my mind
Telling me stories of memories
     I had previously left behind
  with caricatures of faces
I can no longer remember in reality
      And songs from past places
That bring me down
         with the emotional gravity
And I was my thoughts spin around
                 and around
    I get dizzy from the intensity
                and my sanity
        Can no longer be found
                 Yet
I can still hear the wind
      And I laugh at the sound

Theres more in this life than I think I can handle,
legos pile around me,
hell is becoming more understandable.
Every little mistake I've made
burns my soul with unending flames,
the memories toy with my mind
like Lego games.  
Building blocks around my heart
and shredding the bits of humanity I have left apart.
Stacking up the walls higher
and stronger to keep the emotions away,
if it all falls down
the insanity and anger will come out to play.
So these Lego games that block out all the hurt
need to stand tall,
I can't let anything break down or my life will
crumble
and
*f
  a
    l
      l.

Say my name
Say it gently
Use your words
To caress me
Speak your thoughts
Speak them out loud
Confess your love
Amidst the crowd
Scream your wishes
Scream your dreams
Make your reality
Better than it seems
Whisper your pain
Whisper your fears
Release the tension
Wipe away your tears
Open your mind
Open up wide
Let my love in
Let me inside

I know what you'd all like to say
      To make me feel better
"Beauty is on the inside"
            Or
       "You are beautiful"
But my soul is so tattered
       And my heart
Has been repeatedly
             shattered
All the scattered
      bits and pieces
   You might find in there
          Between the scars and creases
     Would make you all run and hide
               If beauty shines from the inside,       Then I'm the **ugliest beast alive

I'll smile,
     pretend
  I'm okay...
Better than the
          truth
   Anyways.

You*
    May
       Say
          It
   And Feel
       It

**But I Don't

I'm not sure
      h o w
L
   O
      N
           G
I can
    
     k e e p
          this              P
                            *U

I always tell the truth
     Every moment of the day
I always write what I'm feeling
     And what I really wanna say
I don't ever let myself get walked on
     Or abused or put through pain
I never hide my face with sunglasses
     Or let my tears fall silently like rain
I've never gone back to a man whos cheated
     Or beat me or made me feel less than nothing
I've never based my opinions of others on my past
     Or cut myself so I could at least feel something
I'm never gonna make another mistake
    Or fail or treat someone unkind
I've always thought I was worth more than others think
    And I've never lost my mind

and yet....
    everyday
I   F
       A
           L
         L
    deeper
Into Your Eyes
      Into Your Words
             Into Your Voice
    The feelings my heart.
            and mind
      have created
Leave me very little choice
          I cannot control
   the musings in my soul
        the desperation in my heart
     or the erratic thoughts in my mind
           That keep tearing at my insides
      Making me want to fall apart
                perfection
                         =
                      you
      Especially, in regards to me
I just wish you could see
          I know I sound crazy
     But, sometimes we just can't help
            how we feel
       It's too much to ask of you
   But I'm a fan of the truth
          and I know these emotions
      that I'm trying to conceal
          desire
               chemistry
                      love
        they're all real
  I tried and tried and tried
         but I just can't control
            what's deep in my soul
     and how my heart feels...


Just thought you should know...

A Daily
   Breathing
        Habit

Someone
    Should
        Help Me
   Kick It

Misery* shows lies
Desperation shows the truth
Destiny bleeds **pain

My soul is a song that sings a raspy tune,
About love, life and the heartache I've been through.
My heart is a book with pages and chapters written out of order about me and you.
I can't seem to remember the beginning of either and the end seems like a distant future.
But I want you to take your time listening, reading and trying to understand,
Because my life is in these words
And even if we're from different worlds
Love, pain, joy and heartache are things we've all come to know.
And by simply listening and reading each other, we can begin to grow.

Walk away slowly
      Please don't run
Remember
    I'm still holding the gun
It's cocked
        And loaded....
Aimed at my temple
     Why didn't you listen?
The rules....
    WERE SIMPLE!!!
I handed you my heart
    Expecting you not to
        Break It!
You should've known it...
   I'm a ******* poet!
I can turn anything you say
     Into a **** ****** scene
Make you wish
      It was ALL A DREAM
But it's not
       And you're gone
I'm holding the trigger
          Thank God
I decided to use ink
      Instead of bullets...

I've had a certain amount of misery
       Locked away
            Deep inside of me
Well, here's the key....  
     I'm throwing it down the drain,
                     Watch it disappear,
Float away with the rain.
No one will ever again reach the core of me,
        It's locked away tight.
Some ghosts may flicker late at night
        But in the light of day,
I'll never again believe a word you say.
           I should have known
Deep somewhere I knew...
         All the things you said, they were never true.
Never true.
    I wish I'd never met you...
        As for the pain you caused me?
                       I'm through.
Good luck finding the key,
       *I'm done with misery.

A bend between
           space and time
To search,
       to seek,
             to finally find
                  the way,
             the path,
     an answer to the end
            Something to believe
         faith in a friend
    Standing tall
         when there's no answer
                at
                   all
     Running to save the day
         when you can barely crawl
            feeling your heart crush
      under the weight
           Pushing and Pushing
        until it's too late
NEVER giving up
           Following your heart
      remembering from the start
            racing to the finish
        Learning to diminish the past
Hoping the love just might last
         through time and space
      and the bend between
           holding strong to your place
   Knowing what cannot be foreseen
        but believing anyway
           Awaiting a new day
    A reuniting with that which you've lost
          willing to pay
      Even the ultimate cost
            Praying it won't come to that
        trying to look forward
                 No longer **Looking Back

As I walk through the rain
I wonder to myself "Is there love out there?"
I've been through all this pain
Life so far has not been fair
I wanna find someone strong and good
Someone to actually care

Just what has life come to
Walking in the rain despaired
Tormented by the things they do
And now my soul is impaired
Need to find something true
Freedom from a life ensnared

I want a boy. No, I need a man
This lonely life has lasted too long
I want someone to hold my hand
And sing me a loving song
Maybe hold my umbrella too
Why is that so wrong?

I need something. No, someone
To help me clarify this lie
I want a woman who won't run
When she looks into my eyes
Someone to mend the damage done
An angel to quell my smouldering skies

I need eyes of an emerald green
With depths I feel in my core
The poetic man from my dreams
Not like the men from before
Who've simply thrown me away
And walked right out the door

Wouldn't benign eyes be nice
Hands to calm shattered nerves
Giving up on rolling dice
Want to find my heaven deserved
An open heart does so entice
I don't think it sounds so absurd

He would have been hurt in the past
But I could show him what love means
Showing him my heart is my mask
And I'm obviously an angel from his dreams
I will slowly mend his broken soul
That's been battered and ripped at the seams

*I will be her saving grace
Repair both her angelic wings
I have dreamed of her face
She's the one whom settles things
Her heart I will lovingly trace
For as long as forever brings

He would catch me every time I fall
Always being there to hold me
He would say he's the one who has it all
And I would say he's my destiny
A rebellious spirit without a cause
For me to absolve from insanity

Let's look to brighter horizons
Hold each other and greet
Every day with pure precision
Love will be our greatest feat
In spite of so much indecision
Tomorrow's tides we will boldly meet

Together, with my love, nothing can go wrong
I'll fulfill his dreams, he'll end my pain
In his arms, I'll find where I belong
Love like that, even poetry can't explain
Yet here I am, unable to find him
Walking all alone in the rain

Yes, I'm walking through the rain again
Solemn rain drops trail down my face
Just like tears which pain transcends
...Wait, what is this that does so grace?
A yellow umbrella at the towns's end?
Why do I feel so compelled to chase?
What is this fluttering my heart now lends?

Huddling under my umbrella, bright yellow
I feel something good down deep to the bone
Turning around, I see a tall handsome shadow
He too, is walking in the rain all alone
One look into his dark green eyes and I know
He's got a sad broken heart, to match my own

As I draw near, I see into her eyes
Broken glass; windows into the soul
I wonder, just how many guys
Have come, to rob her of control?
I feel as if our hearts beating inside
Share a simple link, so emotional

Linked at the very first sight
I never really believed in fate
Then he gave me a crooked smile, so bright
No longer would I ever have to wait
Our hearts were pounding as one
A new destiny together, we would create

*Never knew, never thought, never hoped
Eyes could catch and spark a fire
In this old heart that I thought broke
Return to me a feeling, once expired
Come sun or rain, our heart's will cope
Renewed, I finally found my love desired