miss the young you
weren't so complicated
when I was young. so free.
You drive through the woods; you start to feel lost,
your car and your mind have blown their exhaust.
With nothing but time to drown in remorse,
you wonder if you are on the right course.
Look back where you came and up to the sky,
clouded stars can’t shine although they may try.
You look back on the path, covered in mist,
chances you had that you feel you’ve missed.
Accept where you are, forge a path instead,
through small slow steps will you know what’s ahead.
If your mind retreats back towards the start,
listen instead to the beat of your heart.
Plant your feet in the soil, eyes closed and breathe.
Regret is what lets you know that you’re free.
I don't have a guarantee
that he's coming back
-- but he did.
I'm not sure if it will last
-- and so, he let go.
The dangerous game,
I play for pinks,
With sanity in the stakes.
My house is full of jokers.
Brokered a deal with the thoughts who spoke whisper'd cutthroat scenes.
Everyone is perfect.
Except for me.
To read my old conversations...
That are long now passed,
It is both more, and less jarring than I expected it to be.
I am taken aback,
Not because I am taken back,
But only due to the sharp and nigh painful retrospect of our mistakes.
How differently I wish I did anything,
Not because I wish I still had you,
But, because I am disappointed in myself for not living up to my own values...
Blinded by the blind, blind love I was in.
Retrospect and nostalgia may be similar,
They're either edge of the same sword.
And both edges can make you bleed
4 times the earth orbited the sun yet only once did you stop to see your shadow.
87,600 times it allowed you to second guess but you didn’t face it, just watched me sink right in.
Sinking sands of committed hands brought pressure but no diamonds. No light to revolve around.
Now I’m ticked off thinking this was a waste of my time. Not much of a leap, yeah?
I got dumped. This poem was the night of
in their languid fall
of the failures
of what was listened to.
The zealous perk
to which I
might have benefited
withered away as
to tug at a tear
before it can be
untold, waiting yet
to be heard
by a wandering ear.
the universe cannot sing to me if I cannot listen.
I mourn for all the thoughts I let myself have and then forgot to write down. My own deafness drowns my drive.
I drowned you
like I drowned myself
in all the ***** I could find -
I feel sick when I remember how
I beat you down, thinking
thoughts I'd never thought I'd think
spitting blood into the sink,
it's all different now.
your "hi my name is" slapped on my shirt
peel it off but the residue remains
like your omnipotence
felt penetrating everything around me.
I wish I could quit you
like I quit smoking
I wish I could forget you
like you forgot me
I wish I could alter the ending
so it doesn't include the times I didn't say "no"
and all the nights you lost your sanity
on the mattress on your floor
or on a back porch filled with the haze
of cigarettes and empty conversation.
You tried to imagine me at my sweetest;
daisy hair dancing in the sunlight
on some endless day in July
eyes bright and exploding
with surf green laughter
All of this in slow motion,
All of this beautiful and feeling real
All of this while I'm pushing my palms against my eyes,
romanticizing your pain
tearing up inside because
I can't take anything back,
carrying this weight that I can't put down,
fighting off what is welling up inside me:
For what it's worth,
and I can't keep writing about this feeling
We looked at the stars
and the moon to navigate
within the time and spaces of our confines
I see the lunar ricepaddies give their soft glow
and well-lit veins tremble under thin tranquil clouds
Once, I had no home
Tossed in the waves of uncertainty and disbelief,
I looked to the stars and further
for patterns of usefulness
The bright lights were glaring
while the empty seas inside turned dark
I found no reflection.
A minute passes.
I’m miles ahead of where I used to be