We will never forget...

The last day dawns on my life
And I don't know it
As I wake up to golden rays
Of sun knocking on my eyelids.

I kissed my wife good morning,
Got up out of bed
And tucked her in again.
Naomi spent 10 hours last night
Delivering a new mother's firstborn.
I didn't tell her good morning
And I wish I told her I loved her
But I didn't want to wake her.

I sipped my coffee on the way to work
As if it were any other day,
My only worry was if I had spilled any
On the new pink and white
Polka-dot tie my daughter Elise
Had bought me for my birthday
Last weekend
Or the new Bostonian shoes
My wife gave me
With the card that read,
We love you from top to bottom!

I walked into the conference room
And checked my watch:
8:36.
I was 9 minutes early
To the most exciting moment
Of my career:
My first pitch as project manager
For the new country club going up
East of the city in Glenwood Landing.

I was 10 minutes early
To the most helpless moment
Of my life.

At 8:45 I said good morning
To many fine ladies and gentlemen...
Bankers, lawyers, city representatives,
A union boss, some secretaries,
And a stenographer in the back.

The same words I would never again say to my wife and child...

And immediately I was thrown
Through the air
And knocked against the righthand wall
Of the room.
I was utterly confused
And my face burned
From the coffee I had been holding
That now stained
My beautiful polka-dot tie.

It would be nothing compared to the heat I would soon face.

Outside our 111th-story window
Rose an obsidian plume of smoke.
We all knew something terrible
Had happened just a few floors below.

The fine ladies and gentlemen
Of a moment ago
Quickly turned into uncivilized beasts
As the lights went out
And the piercing scream of the fire alarm
Shouted louder than the new mother
Experiencing the pain
Of her first childbirth.

Smoke very quickly came from below
And filled the floor with the foulest odor
I had ever smelled:
Burning rubber, sulfur,
And burnt hair.
Others in the room sealed the door shut
With expensive overcoats and undershirts
From Armani and Burberry.

They tried the phone countless times
But the line was dead.
I looked down at my watch
As a bead of sweat fell from my brow
And landed on my new tie:
9:11.

Today's date.

The fire alarm got tired of yelling
And the room was filled with an
Uncomfortable rumbling sound...

Flames...

...and the hysterical wails of the
Fine ladies and gentlemen in the room.
Some prayed, some wept together,
Others wept alone.
The one thing we all had in common
Was the persistent coughing
From the obsidian smoke
Slicing our lungs.

I looked down at my watch:
9:23.
The heat was now almost unbearable.
We huddled around the window
Jack or John or Jim smashed
With the powerful throw
Of a mini-refigerator.

When I gazed out the window
At the same sun that kissed my eyelids
This morning,
I was calm.
I thought of Naomi, who was
Surely watching on television
As her family called her to make sure
Her and I and Elise were alright.

Daddy's alright, baby girl.

I'm alright, Naoms.

9:31...
Gary or Greg was the first to jump.

I'll make it home to you, angels.

9:32...
Sophia or Cynthia was next.

Please, God, get me out of here...

9:33...
Jack or John or Jim
And Patty or Peggy
Were each other's last hug
As they fell
Like two stars from heaven.

9:35...
I couldn't see
And I couldn't breathe.
The sunlight was the last thing to kiss me.

Before I jumped
I felt my girls.
I touched the tie on my neck
And the shoes on my feet.

I love you both

From top to bottom.

On an autumn walk at the ides of day
I saw birds of a feather fly together away.
As they flew over flames
In an ides-of-day way
They got caught in the weather
And so forever became
The tall twisted tale
That we hear of so much:
Two birds with one hailstone,
Death from maelstrom above.

Every day I spend with you is a reassurance.
I've never been as sure as anything else in this world. You become more and more incredible as days together turn to months, and eventually years. You went from gorgeous to drop-dead gorgeous the first time you took my breath away, but your warming embrace brought me back to life.

There is a big difference
Between leaving behind cold tracks
In the snow
And lending a warm hand to lead.

Cutting and slashing
Is love everlasting
Never breaking the skin
It mutilates from within

She sits in the stands
Up in the nosebleed section
Cheering wildly, admiring her boys
In red and white
While he is under her hood
With soot-covered hands
Making sense of and fixing
Her mechanical mess.

Later on, she makes his favorite meal
To show him how much she loves him
But he shows up with takeout
And complains about how long it took
Just to replace the starter
In her red Corolla.

There's a difference between
Admiration
And love.

You keep me grounded like a tree
Your roots, they nourish and bind me
To this plot of earth on which I stand
You're worth more than every grain of sand

You're the first person I think about when I wake up from my dreams.

Like the sun warms the earth, you warm my skin.

Like the birds sing to the waking world, your tired voice tugs a string in my heart that makes me smile.

Like the smell of freshly baked bread, you're the pleasant aroma that makes my mouth water and leaves me wanting more of you.

Like the color of the sky at dawn, you make me glad that God made you so beautiful, without flaw.

You're my sanity.
You're my saving grace.
You're my answer.
You're my angel.
You're my reason.
You're my revival.
You're my best friend.
You're my better half.

*You're so much more than the woman of my dreams.

Save me a place at the table
My little white flower
That sways in the breeze.

Please hold my seat if you're able
I'll love you forever
After all the wine from bottle flees.

Set me a plate and I'll stay full
My hunger endeavors
Your warmth was always mine to be.

On an autumn walk at the ides of day
I saw birds of a feather fly together away.
As they flew over flames
In an ides-of-day way
They got caught in the weather
And so forever became
The tall twisted tale
That we hear of so much:
Two birds with one hailstone,
Death from maelstrom above.

If you want to go fast, go alone.
If you want to go far, go together.

-African Proverb*

I can't visualize what life would be like
Without you.
I will never awaken to such an aimless love
Without you.
I will never show the buttercup's glow
Without you.

I cannot love
Without you,
But I will never love you.

Enamorándome de ti
Fue el mejor momento de mi vida
Mejor que cuando nací
Ahora mi alma esta perdida

Eres una suave brisa cálida
¿Quien no te amaria?
Mi vida siempre sera fria
Sin Maria

Estoy aqui ahora
Mi corazón esta roto
Te ves tan increible
A mi lado en esta foto

Mis recuerdos de ti
Arderá brillante
Me enamoré de ti demasiado rápido
Lo siento
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Falling for You
It was the best time of my life
Better than when I was born
Now my soul is lost

You are a gentle warm breeze
Who wouldn't love you?
My life will always be cold
Without Maria

I'm here now
My heart is broken
You look so amazing
Next to me in this photo

My memories of you
Will burn bright
I fell in love with you too fast
I'm sorry

When you give someone or something up, it doesn't mean to put it/them on the proverbial shelf to look at every now and then when things get boring.

It doesn't mean you should keep them in the background of your life so you can wander out to them when there's nothing going on in the foreground.

There's nothing uncivil about removing people or things from your life.

I'm not going to give any more of my attention to certain people and all the vices of my past.

Holding onto a piece of them builds the bridge to bring them into my present, and I don't have time to be tempted or distracted from the things that matter to me the most.

If that's cruel, so be it. Some bridges are meant to be burned.

Tear the flesh from my bones
Til my soul is alone
And my body's a lake
Fed from red-running holes.

You are stagnant and cold
Like the moss on a stone
And a cesspool for sinners
Who you let come and go.

"...Love is more like war than a rose.
They are both deceptively beautiful,
But love spills more than just
One drop of blood when it gets mishandled.
And unlike a flower, love is resilient.
It takes more than a few ****** battles
Fought deep in muddy trenches
To break the bond between two soldiers.
Against all odds, love finds ways to survive
Even the most disparaging circumstances..."

You are the moon that is moored in the sky
And the moonshine that shimmers against Atlantis' cloak
So vivid, yet so pale
And I begin to wonder if you're alright
Up there, all alone atop the world.

Is it better to be carefully propped on a celestial pedestal for all men to indulge,
Or to be chaotically plunged
Into a sea of solitude and peace?

You are much wiser and older, my dear;
Is it true that
Beauty lies
In the eye
Of the beholder?

You had a mind like a diamond

And eyes like the ocean,

Where even the most seasoned sailor

Could get lost.

Why did your waters wane?

Will you or I ever be the same?

What happened to your ocean eyes,

The ebb and flow of moonlit tides

That danced with me along the shore

But now are suddenly no more?

I'm reaching for stars
With my head in the sand
And I'm swimming in currents
While I'm standing on land
If you're hearing this now
And you think I'm confused
Then it's pretty apparent
You've never been used

Tracing lines on the pavement
Of this bustling town
And he only sound that I hear
Is my soul screaming out
Now I'm stuck here in a place
Where no one else cares
So I'm launching my rocket
And blowing up in mid-air

You say you're a dreamer
At least that's what I heard
From the haze in your eyes
That's as good as your word
Please wake up, my dear
Don't be playing with knives
If you call yourself a dreamer
You'll be sleeping all your life

So often I'm told
Everything will be ok
When is it my turn?

Remember when we talked about angels
Under the sunless sky so dark
It was as if we were the only two sparks left in the world?

Do you remember when we wondered
If they took on life just to walk next to us down the street,
Or to sit down next to us when we cry away our pain
Over a lukewarm cup of coffee?

Do you remember how you felt that night
When you laughed with conviction
And wiped tears from your eyes
Because you were absolutely certain
God sent you an angel in disguise?

God made her

The perfect puzzle.

I could never make her whole

Because she gave away

All her pretty pieces

To someone else.

Like the seasons, people change...sometimes for the better, sometimes for worse. Whatever the case, don't say "people never change." Change is the only constant in life, my son.

It's time to drop the score and move on, not settle it. Don't **** yourself under the weight of a grudge, time does that on its own.

Loyalty is the fastest eroding trait of your generation. Don't stop being someone's high ground when the tide sweeps in. Be dependable, my son; more people look up to you than you know.

I was never
A demanding man
Or a smothering being.
I was never
A shameful soul
Or a jealous person.

...that is, until us.

I was never
Your ruler
Or the breeze that took
Your breath away.
I was never
Some cruel cur
And I was never
The one to question
Who you were with
Or where you were.

Love brings out the best
In a few of us
And it makes a huge mess
Of the rest of us.
I was never the one
To pick up a gun
And put holes in the heart
I had promised to love.

I'm convinced my generation is nothing but a bunch of sheep...where are our future leaders? I don't want to keep living in a world where we are expected to go with the flow, to never stand out, and to adopt the same opinions as the masses or else be labeled a racist, a bigot, deplorable, or any other name in the book.

Another disheartening fact: my future children are going to be taught and influenced by educators who think safe spaces are good ideas, who think social justice warriors, celebrities, and clueless athletes fit the mold of a hero more than the disabled vets at the VA, and who find ridiculing people for their race, gender, ****** orientation, etc appalling, but having a religion and/or different political beliefs than them are grounds to be mocked...

God forbid someone says they don't buy into big pharma and their vaccines..."anti-vaxxers are the **** of the earth! All children need to be vaccinated!" But speak out against abortion, which kills more children than any disease we have vaccines for or not..."you're anti-women! How dare you tell a woman what she can do with her body! How archaic of you!"...save the children or **** them? Which one is it? Will the hypocrisy from my generation ever end?

I just threw out basic examples, but if you look at social media for 5 minutes and possess a brain I'm sure you'll see other instances of people with differing opinions being belittled by a group my peers. Another portion of them will blindly follow and agree without a leg to stand on. And an even smaller portion will actually stand up against the hate speech they themselves claim to despise.

Agree or disagree, this rant has been brought to you by a man who thinks for himself and doesn't really give a rat's *** if you agree or not.

You are the blue in a sky full of gray
You're my goodnight kisses at the end of the day
Your name on my lips brings a smile to my face
Like a child with presents on his first Christmas Day

Your eyes are like fireworks, they light up the sky
An explosion of colors that light up my life
The finale so great and so loud at the end
That I feel my heart skip and jump out of my chest

I love you for you, for your beauty and grace
For the way you put smiles on every face
For the wrong songs you sing in just the right place
You're the peace in my mind when I am afraid

I just love you, and I don't know why
You're the light of my life and the blue in my sky
You're my candle, the moon, and the stars out at night
That remind me to sleep and leave the weight of the world behind

One is none
And two is one.
Survival is redundant
And so is love.

As I lie in autumn dreams
I see the moonlight shine in beams
And caress the rose red fall-time leaves
That flail and flutter beneath the trees

While autumn blooms are not unseen
They distract the crowds with grace serene
A performance of pirouetting figurines
Whose voices are drowned by our machines

As humans we stumble and struggle through life
We carry our shame and we comfort our strife
While the trees are all children whose leaves are small kites
That get tossed up and blown round by faith and not sight

I know the world is autumn's fight
As starshine fades and day breaks night
Is it happenstance or is it right
That branches shed what gives them life?

I have nowhere to go
Just a man without a home
Wandering along this bent
And crooked stream.
Got a bag on my back
and I'm not looking back
Just the future, not the past is all I see.
I hitched a ride West
Cuz I gave up the best
thing that's ever, ever happened to me

And I sit here tonight
By the dim firelight
As I wonder in sight
Of the darkening sky.
As I look at the stars
I write my memoir
And think about where you are.
As long as we see the same moon
And the stars
We're never, ever too far apart.

Darling, lift your head.
What do you see?
When you see the brightest star
Do you think of him, or think of me?
Honey, dont move
Just stay in bed.
Dont worry about me, lay down and rest your head.

I'm out here alone
Made a choice of my own.
The fire's dying
I'm getting cold.
The moon and stars went out
And I'm freezing to the bone
I'm packing up
And moving on again.
Thats my choice.
I'm sorry I didnt hold you longer
Babe, I really miss your voice.
But again, I'm going further
And I'm carrying the load
Of losing you.

I've made it to a safer place
Where my dreams of you
And all my hopes
And prayers
And desperate pleas
Come true.

To the one whose hand I never held:

Thank you for letting me hold your heart instead, even when I didn't take care of it like it should.

To the one who called me brother and best friend, but never lover:

Thank you for making me part of your family when I didn't have a place to go.

To the one whose trust I shattered:

I'm sorry I took you for granted and hurt you when you made me smile.

To the one whose lips I never kissed:

Thank you for letting me love you
Even though you never loved me back.

Pacify my war-torn soul
With your white-flag lips
And breath of sun.
My body needs peace
And it wants to surrender
To a gentler place
Where touches are tender.

Pacify my warring spirit
With your knock-out fists
And soldier's gun.
My body aches to ache
And pain in my sender
To a beautiful place
Where malice is mender.

The wind whispered softly along
As if not to bother the sleeping child in its cradle,
The angry trees about to lose their beauty,
And the neighborhood paperboy on his bicycle with his scarf wrapped tightly around his face.

The wind caressed the crystal flakes that fell from the heavens
As if to console the father whose son was sacrificed in distant war,
The daughter who was destined to walk the aisle without a father,
And the excited mother-to-be whose child was stillborn after months of tender love and care.

The wind calmly strolled down 8th Street
Where the early workers stood in line for a bagel and brew,
Where children gathered near the corner filled with vigor and youth,
Where tall giants of steel and stone shone with haughty pride and modern couth.

The wind whispered softly along
The curves and wrinkles of my face
As my life forever changed,
But it was just another day
To the wind.

Every day I spend with you is a song.
High notes mixed with low to create a melody, and it's the sweetest thing I've ever heard. You're my favorite genre, soothing my spirit with a single word. Life's a performance of talent and grace whenever you're in the room.

"I'm full of holes and sinking fast," she said as she told me she needed new faces and a fresh start. She thought what we had between us was irreparable, and by human standards she was right.

In my naiveté, I tried to patch and fill them with imperfect hands and carnal substance.

With temporal eyes, we couldn't see that the many "holes" she thought she had was just a single void, and I was trying to do the job of the Carpenter.

When my feet touch the grass

In the place I call home,

My reception will not be that at all,

But a valediction.

Before she goes to sleep at night
She puts a noose around her neck
To give herself a reason to stop
Tossing and turning and thinking
About the last time she
Was safe in her own skin.

Instead of tucking herself in
Under blanket and quilt
She tucks a knife into her chest
To remind herself of her guilt
And her shame and the pain
She faces at the dawn
Of each new day.

She threw her pillow in the trash
Because comfort wasn't something
She thought belonged in her life.
Now she rests her head
On a loaded Sig .40
And finds solace in the touch
Of cold steel against her cheek.

She always said she couldn't sleep
And now *she can't stop.

I wanted it to be you
I bled for it to be you
I prayed for it to be you
But there was always someone else
In my bed

It's funny how you're my sun,
Warming my soul on the coldest of days
When the piercing stilettos of winter
Penetrate my body.
Yet on other days you burn my skin
Like a million untamed sparks
Lunging at the hand of the man
Who feeds the flames
Because he doesn't want to see them die.

"...Walking out of that place
With you, my friend, by my side,
I felt like a soldier after war:
I was void of my senses.
I lacked all feeling of physical pleasure
And pain.
I forgot what it meant to possess
Simplicity, joy, and contentment,
Like a billionaire who indulges his every whim
Then overdoses on ******* or ******
Or one too many bullets to the head..."

I find my finger tracing silhouettes of strangers

As I tap my foot and stare outside the glass pane in front of me

Onto the street where passersby greet the crisp morning air

With knit scarves and hats and boisterous jackets and saddlebags at the hip,

Ready to ride into town and run out the sheriffs in charge of the show

On West End and Broadway.
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Flurries of snow greet the ground with thunderous applause

As I sip my brew, intertwining fingers with my mug like lovers

And tracing silhouettes of strangers standing at the corner

With my free hand.
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The silent footsteps remind me of the cars at Piccadilly Circus on the first snow of the season,

And how all rhyme and reason belong to silhouettes of strangers that walk past the storefronts and stoplights and billboards and Barclay's

Instead of the steady sound of tires screeching and stopping traffic

In this picturesque place.
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A winter's day in New York is a lot like a winter's day in London;

Silhouettes of strangers are outlined by the fingers of fresh-faced people sipping coffee in a corner café.

They tap their feet and wait for a silhouette to escape the bellowing silence of the snow and the roar of the barren roads.

All they want is to intertwine their fingers with another,

Instead of a lukewarm mug.

The first time I saw your radiant glow
It came from those globes you call eyes.
They took me around the world, to places
Neither discovered nor explored.
Through hell and back,
I slashed and hacked my way
Through vine and brush
To see your light
Because it was more beautiful
Than the glistening river that ran
Through the valley below me
And the sparkling snow
That fluttered and blowed
At the summit above.
Your light was warmer than the breeze
After I dipped my body in the
Crystal clear tides of the sea
And it was more brilliant
Than the silhouette of galaxies
I saw in the sky before I slept.
When I finally closed my eyes
I couldn't see any darkness
Because I dreamt of you.

I stare at walls and see her there

A flower-printed love affair

Her azure-striped and plastered hair

Are cracked but perfect, everywhere.

Her skin of beige, it ripples soft

Across my palms when I get lost

I feel her smooth and supple skin

When I can't think and need to sin.

But here is now, and now is then

I'm staring at my walls again

Each one reminds me of the face

Of fallen angels barred from grace.

"You are beautiful.
You are gentle.
You are brilliant.
You are strong.
You have the most caring heart I've ever seen.
I've known you for well over a year.
We've had our ups and downs.
We always come out on top.
We've both been hurt.
We're better because of each other.
Nothing makes me happier than
Seeing a smile on your face.
Nothing hurts me more than
Seeing you cry.
Nobody is perfect
But you are flawless.
I want to fight for you
Because I believe in you.
I admire you,
I'm proud of you,
And I want you to know
I love you."

"I don't know what you possibly see
Underneath the *****, thick skin
That's cut and bruised and scarred
From the things I've done to myself
And from what a few others carved into
The arms of the man I call 'Me'...

...I roll up my sleeves and I take
A piece of you from off the floor
And I try my best to fold it up
With the same care my mother had
When she used to clean the stains
From my favorite shirt without mistake...

...We're both soldiers in the same war
But we're standing on opposite sides,
Which doesn't make sense to me because
We have the same *****, thick skin
That's cut and bruised and scarred
And I know you're the one worth fighting for..."

A river runs
While a lake stands still
And the mountains eclipse and make dwarves of the hills.
The meadow blooms,
The flowers swoon
As the sunlight of day paves a path for the moon.
As I lie here alone in a desolate state
Immersed in my senses but unfit to relate,
I can't help but notice I'm incredibly small
Surrounded by beauty and grandeur and all.
No friends to console me except the whistling pines,
No one to reach out and hold me
But the wheatgrass feels fine.
When I speak
My words fall like anchors in the sea;
The little waves of the lake that hear them
Shake their heads in disbelief.
The only truth I now hold to heart
Is that oftentimes life takes us back to the start.
A river runs
While a lake stands still
And the mountains are eclipsed by
My power of will.

When I wither in times of drought
And my roots become weak,
When my petals wander and blow
From even the slightest breeze
Water me.

When I shiver in times of winter
And my bones become fragile,
When my skin goes numb and I break
From even the gentlest touch
Warm me.

When I can't walk in times of travel
And my feet become ash,
When my human frame crumbles away
From even the minutest weight
Deliver me.

When I breathe in times of pain
And my chest becomes still,
When my burden is heavy and dark
From a life lived in shadows
Illuminate me.

Open, overlooked,
Yet obliviously
I love.

Everytime I see your bubbly smile I'm actually watching fireworks.
The air smells explosive when you let that first one go and I feel the shockwave hit my chest.
You light up the night, not once, not twice, but for what seems like forever, so radiant and clamoring its impossible to ignore you.
You captivate me with quickly blooming blossoms whenever you snicker and I want nothing more than to sit where I am and stare at you for hours.
You never get tired of releasing your light into the world, and you never get old; you only get more beautiful to me from beginning to the end.

*Save the finale just for me.

Here I am far away from home
With a hole in my head and two in my chest.
No thoughts in my mind, I'm void and alone,
And the clock that made my body tick on has finally come to rest.
An entire lifetime of pleasures and pains runs red on the sidewalk near what used to be a somebody to nobody.

Go back to your black-and-white world

Void of color and warmth

And of depth and of passion.

Go ahead and crawl back behind

Pages of guilt and chapters of pain.

Hide your face with the cover

Of the latest Roth novel

And forget that color and fragrence

And feelings and senses

Exist.