god, why am i so dumb? i ruined a perfectly good relationship with my dumb words and petty anxiety
i know that sorry doesn't mean a **** thing to you i don't blame you god, i wish i wasn't such a toxic person.
i know that i've ****** up, but i want you to know that the tear stains on this page are real
i'm sorry that i ******* up twice i know that a 3rd chance is not on the table just wanna let you know that i still like you
i know that you want nothing to do with me i just want to know how to make it up to you and can make this pain go away
these are sidenotes from the actual page: the pain you felt, i felt tenfold god gave me karma i can't believe i'm so dumb i hate myself so much i've cried myself to sleep every night since then why can't i ever like someone normally?
What monstrous love that an empire of words building up, Can be torn down by a single transgression, as if to start again in solitude!
What monstrous love that conditions line our very affections. And that under circumstances they dwindle and give.
What monstrous love that pouring your heart out no longer is good enough, Because you’ve had to do it to keep yourselves together.
But I shift backwards in my squandering, And reside in what I’ve built. Our tapestry laid across the face and ***** a quilt. All this love I’ve been hoarding, gathering it for later. Laundering. But, is it monstrous if it is all for naught? To wilt? To these ends, experience for broken hearts, I am left pondering.
A poem I wrote at the very end of my relationship, 2 days before we broke up. We just got into a huge fight, and things were already starting to look grim. But we held on to familiarity, albeit for too long. (- -}- -}- -}A B A B A B)
They asked me "what would you do if you saw him kissing someone else?" I didn't answer because I knew I would break down when I told them that I remembered when you would kiss me I remembered the softness, the hunger of your lips the way your hands would hold my waist and pulled me against your body the way your hair felt under my fingertips the way you picked me up as if I weighed nothing the way my legs wrapped around your waist only when we had ran out of oxygen our lips parted and your lips formed the most beautiful, the most perfect smile My heart was racing I was breathless I was happy I was in love so the day I see you kiss someone else and I realize that it's not me you're kissing I will remember exactly that, once again and it will break my heart I will cry, Silently. if you smile at her then I will want to die I will want to make her bleed you out of her system but I won't, because I will also remember that you are not mine anymore Baby, I still love you I’ll always will but I will simply walk away.