I woke today with a hole in my heart wishing you were still here.
Time was supposed to make things easier but it gets harder for me each and every year.
Today we should be celebrating you birthday but instead I woke from my dream and had to face fact.
The fact that your not here with me, and knowing you're never coming back.
Not a day since you left to join the Angels in the sky,
That I haven't needed you or sat alone to cry.
I know I'll see you someday soon
You're not here to celebrate your birthday daddy so I'm sending you up one balloon.
When it goes through all the clouds and straight to heaven for you.
You will find your birthday card attached that reminds you every day how much your loved and how I've missed you too.
Happy Birthday up in heaven Daddy, love you baby girl
©KimE2018

The vibrance of your seductive stare taunts me to invite your touch.
Your eyes turn from a hazel gaze to the fire depths of an emerald green
I can feel your soft caress as your hand slides down my body
My insi Ides bursting with desire as you press your lips to mine
Tasting your breath with my wet tongue feeling your depths become hard
Teasing me could be dangerous as I whisper in his ear
His hands slide over the peaks of my mounds infliction of pain  of wanting more of him
Take me you fool if it's submission you desire it's granted
Do as you please ,my body craving his feel
His touch fell beneath my waste as I felt the throbbing of my *** about to explode.
As his prince entered my castle thrusting and throbbing until the vanes in his body surfaced I felt his sweet release
Our bodies fit like a glove as we lay between the silky sheets
My love there's nothing that can compare to the beauty of the fireworks we ignite with every passionate stare.
©kimmied1105

Bark, bark, yap, yap,
Don't they ever stop, you bad dog you chewed my favorite shoe, lay down , get outside , chain them up, cover their mouth with a leather strap where they can't speak,.  They get left in scorching heat. It's not to cold it's a dog, he has a dog house he can take shelter from that storm. Don't stop it's just a dog you ran over. So you leave his body to lay..
You fool, can't you see, they are just babies like we use to be , they bark and yap cause they are talking to you, they need your attention so they chewed your favorite shoe. Let's see how it feels to put that chain on your neck and leave you tangled outside for days, let me forget I didn't get you freshwater it's only 100° today, crawl in that boarded up box to shelter yourself from the rain, it's normal for you to shake in the cold ,  if I strike you and leave you lay they lock me up for ******, You should be ashamed of yourself   Human you call yourself  what part of this is humane.
They love , they hate, they hurt they feel pain and joy they cry real tears , they blood runs through them to pump their heart, they are no different than you and me   wait what am I saying there is but one very big difference you see,  my furbabies are more loyal than any human standing. They protect me when I'm in danger, they comfort me in my time off need, they never leave my side , theres  the difference ,now can you see

Choose your words carefully,  as they are so easily spoken, yet rarely ever meant. Your words hold more power than ever imagined, but used without thinking holds the same with regret.
Words can be screamed so loud , or spoken with a whisper , no matter which way you speak them keep this in mind. Once they leave your mouth you never can retrieve them, so choose your words wisely and be sure the words you say to another you completely mean them , They never go away, remembered forever by the one you spoke them to. Be careful of the words you say ,
©kimmied1105

Be patient with her son, as she's only known you for a little while.      
  Give her time and your baby girl will feel Comfort when you smile.
  Be patient with her son, if she pulls away from your first hug.
  It won't be long  And she will be the one giving your shirt tale a tug.
  Be patient with her son, as she needs reassured all along.
  For the stranger standing in front of her is  her Daddy  that loves her so much and will always be there to teach her right from wrong.
  Be patient my son

©kimmied1105

As I look at this woman in the mirror, she is looking right at me. Her face tells the story of her life through the lines on her face and piercing of her eyes. Her voice of wisdom came from the roads traveled along her way.  With her thoughts traveling close to me her past far away.. as I stare at her in my mirror I listen close as she speaks,
This life has been a journey, I've learned many things.
I've taken roads I never should have taken, I've made choices I knew were wrong when I made them, I've failed when I could have succeeded, I've stayed when I should have left, and I've fallen in many holes I dug by myself. There will be some point in my future when I may repeat one if not  all i have mentioned above. But there is always a positive to every negative rest assure for the mistakes I've made, made me the woman I am today. I am only human. I do not stand above or below. We are all created equal.  If given the chance to change my past, I would not change one thing because my mistakes have made me wiser to, The roads I know  not to travel again, choices I refuse to make because I know they are wrong, I will never give up if I know in my heart I can succeed, I will do my best to not put myself in any situation if I know better , and last but not least, if I dig myself a hole you can bet one thing, I will have a shovel  to dig myself back out. So Love me or hate me it's a choice for you to make. But always remember I live my life the way I see fit and the opinions of others I may consider but never forget, I wasn't looking for a friend when I found them so if they were to leave I probably wouldn't miss them as I've lived my entire life without them.So love the person you see in this mirror for all that they can be because at the end of the day the one true love I have is this woman in my mirror staring back at me .
©kimmied1105

What is wrong with this world we live in today?
Have we become so consumed with politics and fame. Have we forgotten the purpose our Constitution stands for? The law of this land the Lord says we must live by, is this still true when the law of the no longer lives by God's Law.  Removing Him and Prayer from our Schools, was what we as God's Children allowed them to do. This Nation went to battle against one another over electing our president to run this Country, How could we not fight this hard for the One in which we were founded. One Nation Under God , is written for us but His Commandments removed . What is wrong with this world we live in,. There is no hesitation when a dollar is involved, (shaking my head in shame) maybe we should take the time to see the words on that bill for stamped on back of each and every one reads "IN GOD WE TRUST" but wait a minute for those who don't believe , you reside in a country built on the words One Nation Under God, as you sit in the courts of oh glory land , you swear to tell the truth the whole truth so help you God as you raise your right hand, your wealth in currency you have no problem with as it stare back at you IN GOD WE TRUST". Its no surprise this world has gone to hell , what did we expect when we removed what pieces of heaven one time existed.

A fever consumed my two year old body, lasting for days then into weeks, burning like fire, and when this fire fled my being it left with a vengeance leaving destruction that would rain on me every single day and remind me when I looked in the mirror of the pain my scarlet fever made.
As my eyes grew weak as the fever stayed within, left the damage of my muscles for my eyes to both cross .
Throughout the years from such a young age I dealt with the fact of my difference from other kids but not me oh no I did not feel bad for me at all   only because my daddy taught me all my life to have pride and always stand tall , never say , I can't or not even try, never give up on anything , try not to question why,. Be the best at all you do and stop at nothing less , if it's been done once it can be done ahain, if it hasn't there's always a first, ,that mirror holds an image of what the world may see , an ugly Duckling in their eyes but my daddy hurt for me worse than I did so he paid to fix my eyes . At the age of 13 I lay silent on a stretcher ready to go to sleep so when I woke I could look straight with both eyes .
After the stitches and bandages were removed I was ready for my reveal, as my daddy held a mirror to my face I saw his tears raining down his check, I peered at the person staring back at me as she was much different than the one before
I dropped the mirror as I started to cry as my daddy held me tight , he whispered softly so only I could hear , my baby girl thank you dear Jesus, as you have turned from the ugly ducking so people said to the most beautiful swan of all

As every season holds  it's own description, the feeling  that fall gives  is one in it's own kind.
As the night comes upon us in the early days of fall a soft touch of a cool  breeze to clear your mind.
Here in the south a much welcome time of year.
As our nights get longer, days become shorter, we know Fall is near.
The green leaves of summertime almost turning over night.
The morning dew glistens upon the tree tops shining ever so bright.
You can hear the soft beginning of the leaves falling to the ground,
You can listen close as the animals start to play, walking across fallen leaves making a crackling  sound.
This time of year brings so much more than the falling leafs and cool night air.
The sweet aroma of cotton candy and funnel cakes coming from the Fair.
Children laughing and screaming  as  they ride the carnival rides.
Boyfriend's playing games to win their girlfriend a prize.
Its getting colder As the months of fall come to an end .
We say goodbye for now and prepare for Old Man Winter to begin.

The young mother weeps as she softly embraced her new baby boy.
  As he grows she taught him to crawl and next to walk, she taught him to talk and to be a big boy.
  She taught him respect and manners and right from wrong.
  Her battle began as he grew a little older she had no choice but to raise him alone.
  Feeling as if she wasn't enough she found herself instead of discipline she protects him at no cost and carried his blame.
  Which led him to believe he had no consequences to face for any of his actions.
  She now blames herself for the choices that he made she begged him not to drink and drive.
  Her warning fell short of reaching him only this time saving him was no option.
  He lost his best friend after a party on their journey home.
  The boys parted ways that night without ever saying goodbye for one went to heaven her  son was sentenced to prison and taken away. As his consequences are much deeper than his sentence, life without ever losing the memory of that horrible night is a sentence no judge can beat.
  For now she weeps for the day that she will feel again her son's soft embrace.
©kimmied1105

Each day that passes so to does our  love,  like a glowing ember of a candle as it's wick runs out but leaves the flame not ready to surrender so it blinks and fights to stay lit . Such a likeness it has to my heart as it breaks to be mended but with each break it leaves less chance to ever feel whole again as the breaks have become so many with no time to heal .  This life , like a ride on a never ending rollercoaster that is constantly up and down but won't stop as it's exhausting. Never knowing what tomorrow may bring or take away is an unknown fear I face every day. So I know in what's left of my mangled up heart that I should extinguish the dying ember and stop this roller coaster ride, but I can't face the fear of knowing your gone and not by my side. Nor can I embrace the thought of the ups and downs of continuing this never ending life on this downhill slide.
©kimmied1105

Hard times have come among us. Are we all prepared. Have you taken the time to teach your children so they can teach their own how to live off of the land one day.  That day is closer than we all want to admit. Survival without starvation of your loved ones is inevitable if  they haven't been taught how their ancestors survived back in the day.  If posed the question where honey comes from, would they even know what to say?  Honey has to be robbed from the hole in that tree swarmed with millions of honey bees, milk that we drink or mix with recipes for our bread made from scratch every day , comes from the cows ***** milked by your own hands, the eggs must be gathered early in the morning from the hen houses where they are laid. The wheat fields must be picked along with the soy and every vegetable we eat, sugar that sweetens our tea came from that sugar cane . All of the luxury's of  seafood must be caught with a net from the sea , the fish that we eat from many different bodies of water , just remember to watch for the bear in that spring catching the jumping trout. You see for the way we are hunting our meat other animals already know how.  I hope that your wealth is abundant to survive in these coming days but most will fall short of the prices in the grocery stores to feed their families . Teach your children to teach their own all these things they need to know because the day is coming more near than we think that the only way to survive will be hunting prey and eating food that with our own hands we've  grown. Teach them the difference between their wants and needs as they will have to know the difference. Stop giving them everything they ask and start making them earn what they get. Teach your son's how to provide for their family, how to hunt and fish and farm, teach your daughters how to prepare homemade meal's that don't consist of a box, how to cook it over the heat of a camp stove that they have to cut the wood to keep it hot.

DREAMS are illusions made up in our mind.
We usually spend a lifetime chasing but rarely ever find.
Fabrications of the way we want to be.
Just to wake to a harsh reality.
We Invision all these things we long to find.
Dreaming of this fantasy we make with our mind.
Why must we dream all this false illusion in our brain ?.
We wake again to reality just to realize we only self inflicted our heart more pain.
Dreams are merely a fabrication of an illusion of things that we will never do.
The make believe of a Happily Ever After, that never comes true.!
©kimmied1105

Why is it always about whose right and whose wrong can't we just agree to disagree. As who am I to tell someone they are wrong unless I see it from their eyes, or for them to tell me I'm wrong they don't see it the way I see.
Stand next to me as I'm standing by you as we stair up at the clouds, I ask you do you see that cloud appearing like a teddy bear , you reply, I don't see a teddy bear , as they point to the same cloud, do you see that cute little puppy, as we both search the clouds we can't find what the other one sees.  Does this mean they are right or your wrong or could it be they can look at the same cloud through their own eyes and see something different than me. It's all about the way we perceive things so who am I to argue over their opinion vs my own when nobody is wrong and nobody is right it's just the way we as individuals see things differently

Never believing in love at first sight, nor my prince charming riding in on a white horse to rescue me and live happily ever after.
We have dreams and fantasy's , most never come true, that is until the night I layed eyes on you .
My eyes making me aware of my surroundings, suddenly there wasn't another face I could see, in a restaurant full of people yet none of them existed.
My stomach felt like it could fly away from the butterflies flapping there wings,  I knew from that moment I had met the man I had convinced myself didn't exist, it was love at first sight .
Our love story is a one of a kind . There was no means to break the bond that we had, until that day our happy turned sad, circumstances ripped you away and left me alone, my life after that left me holding your promise. For twelve long years I waited and  wondered, when I had all been given up on you ever coming to find me, my prince showed up to rescue me. From that point on we picked up where we left off. I know in my heart God sent you to me to love and cherish and never to leave.

Aw Mother's Day, such a beautiful tribute to give so much thanks and show your love to the woman you call Your Mother. We run out and buy her gift, or send her a card, one day out of the year, for the other 364 days we don't even bother.
Ask yourself, do you truly understand what all a mother is and does for her children as they grow. Let me see if I may enlighten you.
From the time of conception, your mother carries you inside of her until it's time for you to be born, her life is no longer her own as she becomes so much more.
Your mother is the one that walks you through life being all you need until your out on your own, even then she's right there beside you because in her eyes your always her baby even when you're grown.
Make this day extra special for her as you will never know unless you become a mother one day.
The love a mother has for her children goes far beyond unconditional love I say.
Tell your mother how much she means to you the other 364 days of the year.
You never know if your going to wake up tomorrow and your © is no longer here.
©kimmied1105

You must have heard me cry for you, as I looked up at the sky;
  Why did you have to go so soon, without even saying goodbye?.
  It's as if the world had stopped as silence filled my head;
  When through the silence a voice began speaking, and this is what it said.
  Your days will go in without me, though I'm never far away;
  I may not be in front of you, but I'm in your heart to stay.
  Please don't cry sad tears for me, you will never be alone;
  The day will come when you cry tears of joy, when the Good Lord calls you home.
  So as you all gather by my grave to pay your last respects;
  Don't say goodbye, say I'll see you later, incase the Lord calls you next.
  As I turned to walk inside thinking I must be losing my mind;
  I reached for the door as I watched it slowly open, as my hand fell to my side.
  As chills ran over me, I knew at that moment, it was your voice I could hear:
  I couldn't help but smile as I walked through the door, watching as it closed behind me , I knew you were standing near.
  Tears falling down my face, remembering your kind and gentle heart;
  For the next time you open a door for me is when my eternal life shall start.

Through my entire life a mirror was my best friend, although I held faith in my vanity , and layed visions of humbleness to never show conceit, extra pounds or a flaw of imperfection never crossed my mind,
I was always an athlete without a failed attempt, as I knew no other way, , somehow somewhere my health took a turn for the worst, my once beautiful body, is no longer beautiful today.
Without casting a shadow or a reflection of me , inside my heart I'm still alive and Invision myself as I use to be, it rains horror over me trying to comprehend what happened to my existence why did the one thing I was so proud of have to go away. If I had one wish for myself I would wish to return my body so when I look in the mirror again I will see me. I long to walk proud again so my outside will match  my insides and make me complete.

©kimmied1105

It's been said that time heals all wounds. I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time the mind protecting it's sanity covers them with scar tissue & the pain lessens but, it's never gone. The reality of fear is I'm not afraid of the dark just scared of what's in it. I'm not afraid of heights just scared of falling. I'm not afraid of the people around me just scared of rejection. I'm not afraid to love just scared of not being loved back. I'm not afraid to let go just scared of accepting the fact that it's gone. I'm not afraid to try again just scared of getting hurt for the same reasons. I want to be the person you are scared to lose, the one you will love without restrictions, trust without fear, want without demand, & accept for who I am.

The town grew silent as an eerie sound rumbled near
Run, run run fast gather the covers go to the nearest shelter ,
What? No sirens to warn us of the evil whisk of wind that would leave mass destruction on that April night . The ripping and roaring , the sound of a train blowing it's whistle , the ripping off  trees from the ground , like a scene from the wizard of Oz , it's massive force carried houses animals and yes people to , from here to there slinging them in circular motion, this beast had no mercy in my town,. It jumped in one place untouched ground next door, it slung the cars so hard they were sticking in the concrete bridges. My God in Heaven have mercy on us .
Walking , running screaming for lost loved ones, death and destruction offered the sight of a war zone where we were all on the front line and lost something that night.
Trampling over the unseen, the crumbled homes downed trees the bodies of people the sound of sirens the smell of gas the sound of the chainsaws roaring cutting through the rubbles of 2hat remained.
It left my town, home of the crimson Tide, bruised and broken and torn to the soul as we lost so much to the tornado that night
All we had left  now was little to remain.  God bless Tuscaloosa
©kimmied1105

Defenseless as the bull lays with his limbs wound tight with twined rope, watching as the hot iron lay upon his coat and melt it's way to his flesh. All he can do is Bellow at the agonizing pain for he is unable to stop it. Flowing rapid through his vanes the pain , like the rivers rushing down the stream.
The torture still steaming as the damage is done ,he wears the memory of that pain daily to remind of a feeling of helplessness dismissing his dignity replacing it with his submission as he is forever branded .  I live this feeling everyday as I wake to the torture of my limbs twined with invisible rope, the only difference is the burning flesh is inside piercing my heart as I lay helpless knowing I can't save you from your pain. The worry rips through me ****** and kidnapping my sanity as the thought of the unknown is more than I can bare. Although my scars  are internal ,  the naked eye can't see , the hurt  and fear I  feel for you,  brands me every day

They see only what i allow them, trapped beneath the shell of my existence only to disguise my person. walking along , head held high with a fearless smile, like a blind man to see inside me, they must read brail.  My back and shoulders in posture with all self control   as I only allow them to see my outer shell. Graceful poise, of confidence claiming pretend of a  happy, healthy person ,. Why is it so that my eyes graze across a face of unfamiliar people yet I have the ability to see through their soul, I feel their pain and sense their sadness, yet they don't see mine .I'm made not of plastic and my flesh it bleeds, my body full of pain,  I feel sadness as I have lost everything I ever had or wanted to gain.  Behind that smile i wear on my face is a lost soul that cries rivers of tears ,  I  hide it well for it's not pitty I seeks, but showing weakness in my own self would keep me from showing others that they can rise above. If nobody tried, took chances or cared what kind of shape would we be,. If it's been done once it can be done again if it hasnt, there's always the first. It only takes one person to set their problems aside and help others overcome theirs, who I am without making a sacrifice after all Look what our Lord sacrificed for you and me ..

They stood helpless as He was Crowned with thorns, then anchored with wood in form of a cross.  He carried that cross to the scene of his death, where they drove spiked nails through his flesh.
Hung from the cross tortured and beat , His death Fell upon him, They  wrapped his body in a white  sheet and laid it inside the tomb. As they left they sealed the tomb with a boulder surely to heavy to move. Our Father gave his life that day for the sake of our sins .
As Mary went to the tomb that day, she bear witness of an angel perched on the rock, as the rock no longer blocked the entrance to the tomb where Jesus was laid, she entered the tomb and much to her surprise, Jesus Christs  body was no longer there as the angel spoke to Mary "He's Alive" He Rose from the dead that day to forgive us of our sins. As we live this life He gave to us I praise Him for His Grace For Just as He died for us He Rose from the Dead just the same. He is Alive Thank you sweet Jesus

There's nothing more to overcome as this  battle from within,  pounds, burns, sharp as a knife then pounds, burns and tingles til numb. My nerves fighting my muscles,  as my bones are deteriating away ,
  How can it be the anatomy of my being is fighting to survive
The rate of my existence said to be extinguished seven years ago.
  Whom is it they think they are to set my death. Indeed I should have boundaries  The mind is a powerful thing
  I wake from my short slumber to roll from my bed, the pain unbearable but it's all in my head, or so I make myself believe
   I think and I ponder and speak to my mind so my body can hear.
  Questions without answers so why even inquire. Take this take that you need one no maybe five. Please put your pad away for I will take only my mind, no doubt in my mind it is the meaning and will as to why I'm still alive. So keep all your poison, for I will fight this battle from within and show them I will survive.
To wake is a blessing as is every step that I take
  I know my pain will never go away so what more can be done, sadly nothing so I deal with it and go on with the day

©kimmied1105

My heart is full of admiration as each day that has passed since my dedication to My Friend Across the Sea. For all the likes and loves and comments left for her healing eyes to see. My dearest Kim I know you will be touched when your eyes are able to read, your worth has shined through their words now you can see what you mean to them and me.  Thank you all for you haven't only been more than kind but you have inspired not only Our Dear friend Kim Johanna Baker but you have all been very kind to me.  Bless you All

How does one know if they are a true poet or merely a lost soul with pen and paper unscrambling their emotions.  Flying high in a cloud of words with definition,  picking and choosing the ripest  like a grape from the vine, reaching into the depths of my heart with the blood of my conviction dripping words on my tablet describing my visions of  life. Yet still the question rains like thunder crashing and lightning striking, be it a fool destined to become a true poet or a poet with eyes that are blind. Knowing the words to be written because they embrace me like a mother does a new born child , but searching for description as to what  makes a poet in a true poets eyes.?

I always knew I was different , my own breed of human or something else.
Caring for everybody and feeling their pain , knowing their thoughts before spit from their mouth like vinum.
Be it like a curse slithering like the hair of madusa or a blessing like an angel with no wings.
There is but no place my presence exists if in company of another that I have any sense of silence.
Picture this if you will , close your eyes, screams of sadness skorch like the boiler on a hot eye without any water, seeing a vision in your head and wanting to warn someone about something terrible about to happen but the disturbing essence of it is, boxing with God isn't my job so what is there left to do.  
Aw let's drift behind the scenes of the world of spiritual beings rounding your head like a yoyo spinning into tangles of ratted up yarn. Needing your mind to tie loose ends or calm their doom of spiritual waste.
The life of an empathy, always making other's lives of peaceful logic and leaving their own stranded like a kidnapped baby in a forest of thorns with no entrance in and no exit out. This is my life

©kimmied1105

Is it possible to be so caring that your own needs are pushed out of sight.? A battle against the devil throwing boulders every step of the way, finally he must have fallen to rest , giving me the lead to begin the journey promised. A young man imprisoned became a good friend to my son, his story grabbed me by the only strings I have no control of, indeed the strings to my heart. He lost his mother while locked up and the streets was the only roots he knew, but see, this young man was much like my son, a child four days older than my son's was born while he was in.  Never laying his eyes upon her, as his way was faint. My heart broke for him as I planned to see his dream through.
Once the devil layed to rest his release the very next day, God reached down his miracles and I was on my way.  With a borrowed car I drove for six hours to see him to his freedom, then we drove another five to take care of his business, the trip after that full of excitement and fear as in seven more hours this young man would holding his child in his arms.  As I watched with tears rolling a beautiful sight to see, as he looked down into the crib where she lay , his voice shaking , she looks just like me. His shock and excitement every emotion he could feel rained down on this young man as he realized not only was he a grown man but reality of being a dad sat  in. The next morning as I prepared to leave I opened my eyes to the whole purpose of my trip, baby Zoe was latched around the neck of her daddy , loving on  him, not wanting him out of her sight. I tried to fight back my tears but failed , on my drive back home of another seven hours, my body swollen and in pain, I couldn't help but wonder what would have become of him if I had chose to not care about someone I had never met, through the pain of all my travel I have peace in my heart today. I thank you sweet Jesus for all your blessings and the love in my heart but mostly for making a way.   The choice is all in his hands now I pray he sees the good in life and never forgets that if a stranger can make a sacrifice for someone she's never met, then he too can sacrifice for his baby girl and leave his past behind. To start his life over and one day tell his story to someone else that may be needing the same, about the woman he came to call ma and how she joined in with Jesus to make his dream cone true that day.

©kimmied1105

I was raised all my life,  failure wasn't an option, never say I can't , and to take pride in everything I do.
If you get knocked down, get right back up, what don't **** you makes you stronger.
Don't try to be something you're not, always be loyal and true.
If you don't succeed then try again, learn from your mistakes, and don't make the same mistake twice.
Give to the less fortunate. If you have it to give.
And you get much further in life if you treat everyone nice.

There are words that haunt me worse than the ghosts of a burnt asylum.  To hear someone say, there's nothing we can do, nothing will stop them. Makes my blood boil . We are people created as equal , yet one man holds the fait of one's life in his hands. He hands down a sentence of whatever his choosing when it's written to obide the punishment set forth for a crime to follow. Who or what is  this  law enforcement, making arrests, setting a bond, sentencing to prison, for what they claim to be defeating violence or crime on the streets let's not forget their war on drugs. For sake of my humor as I'm laughing out loud, I was under the impression in order to solve a problem you must start with the source, well I'm screaming this loudly so I can be heard, the law enforcement officers wear a badge on their chest and took an oath to protect, through the barbwire fences surrounding our jails and prisons they work every day, but the problem at hand when they preach to stop crime, Mr. Officer this man is in prison for the sale of a drug, how dare you make it more accessible than the streets you arrested him while he serves time in this prison and it's law enforcement peddling the weapons and drugs and promoting violence where loved ones lay stabbed but nothing done. Stop kidding yourself it's too plain to see the war that they are fighting will never end because it's the ones enforcing the law that need to be in prison the drugs on the street starting with them

Looking back trying to rekindle my childhood, my memories seem to be scattered;
  Maybe God has erased most them, and left only the ones that mattered.
  Trying to sort through the ones that still remain;
  I find myself saddened and my heart filled with so much pain.
  As a little girl growing up I felt so alone;
  The lifestyle that surrounded me I wish I would have never known.
  I long for the one thing that every child needs and should never have to do with out.;
  The love and the nurturing from my mother I know nothing about.
  The absence of her emotions haunt me day by day;
  Although I'm grown with two children of my own I still long to feel her acceptance and her love this I asked for the Lord to touch her every time I pray.
  She will never know nor even care the way I hurt and  feel inside;
  She will never see The Emptiness for the life that I was deprived.
  Is it that I was so obsessed with her approval and the need for her attention;
  That I myself have neglected the needs of my own children I dare not admit or venture to mention.
  I pray that the Lord grant me the ability to give them the attention and affection that I was never shown.
  I chose some paths I knew better than to choose;
  I made my own mistakes never taking into consideration what it was that I was about to lose;
  Now that I've lost them or regretfully chose to walk away;
  My life has become a living hell needless to say.
  Never did I want my children to grow up in the same environment that I had to;
  I want so much more for them and I will do everything I need to do.
  I have faith that my life with help  from the Lord will turn around and I will have my babies back where they belong.
  Living without them has taught me so much, I  hope one day they can give me forgive me and give me the chance to do what's right for all I have done wrong.

Why did you have to leave so soon, you were supposed to see all the dreams you told me I had would some day come true. Six years gone by and I still feel you here . I just want to hug you close and tell you how much you mean to me , I love you big but Lord my friend all these men you left behind , all for me to contend with   I hear your laughter , pretty funny you think , I could use some words  of wisdom my friend , only you would know what to say , be it biblical, comical, serious, or pointless I just need to hear your advise right now God I miss you every day. From Paul to Scott no never met Brent , all the way to your baby boy Nick , of coarse I saved him for last cause Jimmy Rogers if I know you , you Are propped against that cloud with a huge smile on your face sitting so proud of those boys you made . Thanks for coming to see me today , even though it's not how I planned it I remember what you use to say , be patient for it's all in God's Hands and He's the one with the plans. I hope your presence never leaves , I love you and miss you and all your boys and your best friend does too , we will all meet again one day Fly High my friend save us all a place in that beautiful sky right there beside you.

Somewhere in this life I will find the escape of my search , I shall open every door, look out every window, travel anywhere my escape may be.  
Then suddenly I am confused as a strange thought crosses   my mind as I sit all alone in my untidy  box I call a home ,
What is it I'm escaping from? Is it the mirror of an old woman always staring at me, she is like the rose I use to see but her color has faded as her skin is  wilting like the petals of a once beautiful flower now turning to dust .  
The sadness of reality now striking like the thorns on the rose a stinging pulsing pain as I realize there is no escape as I fade off to sleep I may wake another day, everything I see will be seen just the same until the day the rose petals fall to the ground as does the old lady pass away.
©kimmied1105

As the time to your freedom is drawing near,
I'm faced with excitement, joy and much fear.
It feels like a lifetime has passed since you have been away.
Things out here are changing more day by day.
I cant wait to see you and hug you tight.
I just hope and pray when you get home you live your life right.
I pray the choices you make are completely thought through.
That you come out with more knowledge and wisdom of what not to do.
I have aged 15 years in the 3 you have been in.
I can't wait to see you close this chapter of your life son and let your new life begin.
©kimmied1105

I want to know what it feels like to be I your #1.  Because Baby you are mine. I need To know that beyond a shadow of a doubt you always have my back , because I will always have yours. I try to reframe from letting hateful things come out of my mouth to you. I love you too much to intentionally hurt you, but above all this I want You to know that you hold my life in the palm of your hands and I hope you love me enough to cherish it. Because I will forever cherish yours.
©kimmied1105

Our love once burned like a glowing ember . Beauty on the arm of her **** beast, your eyes melted my existence.
Not a disrespectful word uttered between us, we made love for hours daily, always leaving us both with the anticipation of lust wanting more ,it was never enough.
How can such a love just fade away.  When you touch me now there's a difference in your feel, I understand my body has changed from my sickness but can't you see I'm still me inside , or at least I was before you shamed me now I remain ashamed of myself .
I still find you so attractive and want you, need you every day , you have left me , I'm no longer in your heart and it hurts my heart to know this no matter what you say.
Love isn't a word to be thrown around, we are supposed to grow old together in sickness and in health . That's all gone now , who and what am I supposed to be now that I've given all of me to you.

From the moment of conception i kept you safe inside me for nine months. After your birth you slept on my chest so you were near my heart. The bond between a mother and her son is made of steel for never to be broken. All through your childhood I've picked you up and wiped you off over and over again. You've made your mistakes as we all have. Yours ended in tragedy and you lost your best friend, now you are in that cement cage all by yourself , my fears are unfolding , I got your call today, you were stabbed eight times it was six against one , now my body so numb yet hurts to move , my worry increased as if there was room for that . You say your ok but son I'm not . I can't get to you to protect you and it's killing me slow, God please place a hedge around my baby boy keep the evil away from him bring him safely back home .

Your ears are foolish to believe every word thought to be heard
Your eyes hold trickery as to what they think they really see.
Things of the past you may have forgotten,
So they should remain forgotten instead of manifesting only what you hear of negativity,
For if you fall in the darkness where might you find the light.
Foolishness is upon you as you act upon things you no not of .
Such things, self proclaimed rumors, lies spit from the devil's tongue.
Rumors are:
Spoken by liars
Spread by Idiots and
Believed by Fools.

How can it be that my heart aches for someone I’ve never met yet feel as if I’ve known forever.  
It’s as if our souls are attached through words typed and traveled all the way across the sea .
What is this, is it real, can it even be?
My friend lays in her bed only to await her journey to end.
As these thoughts race me to tears of the thought of her gone yet we have never even met
What is this, is it real, can it even be
A gut wrenching sadness that won’t go away, it’s as if I see her eyes I’ve never even seen and can feel her pain and her sadness as she lay in her bed to meet her fate,
What of such a force that is between us could allow this bond of two lives yet my eyes have never met her existence nor hers have met mine
What is this, is it real, can it even be,
Is this woman from across the sea my angel or am I to be hers, for we share so much likeness in our lives and things of our past and agree of things of this world most know nothing about,
Whatever it is or how it was meant to be I feel her in my heart and know she feels me
Whatever it may be it is more than real until we meet one day, I will always love you my friend across the sea.

Here I stand but against the odds in a world full of the unknown.  Waking by day and sleeping at night doesn't apply anymore. For things of my past left to the memories of a time long ago and shall remain for ever more. Though I exist now in the present of shattered dreams one by one became now none. What can be said or looked forward to of a future that lays ahead, a broken heart, a world full of me, or the promise to feel no more pain when im dead. Once a light shown bright and clear at the end of my tunnel now it's hard to find my way. Should I turn around and try and salvage the reminance of my life or face the hard truth that the promise he made is shattered as well and he will never make me his wife. Just when I believed I knew my purpose , I stand corrected but once again . Now with the odds still stacked against me it's time to raise my white flag and retreat. I faught a good battle but lost the war.
©kimmied1105