The hurt and sadness coming from your voice is ripping at my heart like a jagged knife ripping through flesh
You are mine to protect and nurture and that box made of steel that you are caged in remains my every nightmare as I sleep and my weakness in my thoughts while I’m awake
A young man with eyes that glisten and a beautiful face of an angel, the heart that’s pure and giving
Yet you made some wrong choices but not deserving to be slammed behind bars in a cold cell and treated like a beast of rage
My expression of fury at my fingertips for if I was evil as they, surely I would cast every sinful spell across their beings and make them feel your pain
**** those that pass yet judgement yet hold no crown of thorns upon their head
For He that cast the first stone let him stand in judgement free of sin
For the Laws of this wicked world all turned to the evils of bribery and political gain as there is no longer a man that sits to hold true to the laws that are written for of the greater the judge feels as though he himself can unwrite and interfere with the laws of our God and pick which laws and sentence for the same crime yet treat them different
Stand with your armor as it isn’t seen my son for is the coming of our dear Lord and savior to be the punishers And the  Judge of the wickedness that per-trays to call themself some part of Law and Order as Our God is so much Greater as they will soon see.

Her words of inspiration she speaks with her pen
My heart worries of her absence and Longs  to see her amongst us again
The friend I found in her is so very special and rare
I Pray that she knows how much we all care.
It’s been five long months since she has reached out to me
I miss her advise and encouragement you see
This woman my eyes have never seen or voice I’ve never heard, became one of my dearest most cherished friends
Kim Johanna Baker, I pray that you know how much you are loved before you time on this earth ends
If you can read this but are to Ill to respond
I thank you for all your words that have touched my soul and for a sister like bond
I know your spirits were darkened by so many things out of your control
There is not nor will there ever be a more loving, caring woman with an angelic soul.

I have done my best as a parent to raise my children right, but the pain I'm enduring right now is a pain I can't speak from my mouth I can only write.
My son has cussed me, stole from me, used me, drained me, tried to destroy my relationship, he has called me while he was hitting the dope ****** he lives with, as I'm begging him to stop while my chest is in so much pain, he continues with no thought at any moment I could die from heart failure,  he has put a knife to his throat in front of me and through it all I find myself hopeless but I still love him hurt for him want to hold him and tell him it's all going to be ok. Because at the end of the day he is my baby boy. He has drained me for every penny, blamed me, told me he was going to **** me, I didn't need to be on this Earth and through it all I still sit here this morning searching online for ways to save him because I know his heart and I feel his pain I'm supposed tO I am his momma . My emotions are torn beyond repair I get angry, mad, sad, hurt and frustrated not knowing how to help him but at the end of it all I cry with hope and prayer that God will bring him peace and comfort within himself  I pray that he remembers how he was raised and humbles himself enough to get the help he needs he has seen and been through more than most grown men could ever imagine and he survived so I am fighting a battle that he feels he has already won because he has survived so much more but still the end of the day the battle he faces is the rest of his life and it's all about a choice a simple seemingly choice.  The choice to continue a road to destruction for the rest of his life or the choice to humble himself and get help , we as mother's have wiped the tears from our children's faces throughout their life. We have cleaned their scrapes and nursed their fevers. We have fed them and clothed them we have spanked and loved we have faught their battles and stood in front of them to protect them from danger and when faced with their addiction we have found that the choice isn't ours anymore and that is the hardest most hurtful things to have to face when we can't take their hand to lead them from danger we can't tell them the fire is hot and will burn you and it's harder than anything in this world because at the end of the day we are still their mother. No excuse, no blaming the drug or drugs, no I'm sorry, it won't happen again, will ever erase the hurt inside my heart. But nothing can take away the blessing God gave to me, the gift of my son. Because when it's all said and done, I'll catch him when he falls and wipe his tears and clean his scrapes, I am forever and always "His Momma"

It’s been almost a year since you were set free
So much has changed between you and me.
It’s so hard for me to believe all we’ve been through.
This wasn’t supposed to happen to me and you.
My partner forever , my ride or die
You have treated me so badly and I don’t know why.
I wanted so much for your life to turn around.
To be a good daddy to Your little girl and keep her safe and sound.
I hope and Pray you never have to feel this pain I’ve had to endure
I’ve made my mistakes but I’ve remained by your side loyal and pure
I didn’t deserve all the hateful things you said
Why would you ever wish your own mother dead
But through it all I still love you the same
My only son it’s time to be a man and take your own blame
I didn’t teach you to live this way
I taught you a real man earns his money the honest way
Dear God I come to you down on my knees
Help my son lead him the way have mercy on him oh dear god I pray unto you Please. Amen

I have lost my sense of words. As my pen no longer caresses the lines of the paper.
Once a smoothness waltzing  to the words in my head.
Now it's as if the dance has ended as my pen lays to rest.
Maybe the day will come when I bring my pen back to life . But for now I leave it lifeless until the day comes when I find the words to make my pen dance once again.

State of shock transitioned into sadness
Emotions like a clown only there was no smiling only silence of my own thoughts acting as if it were a mime.
Within a split second of his voice speaking to me
I was baffled by my own tongue running words right back but never whispering a sound.
Surely he was just , wait no he wasn’t he was and he did and he said
Words I never dreamed to come from my soul mate,  my best friend my love
Now the torture of my burning heart and my spinning head
Knowing with my every thought I will never forget the hateful things he said
Make them go away
All those hateful words
Once they flow from your lips , they are forever here to stay

I will never forget the day you came into this world
The second you opened your eyes it was love at first sight
They say the love of a grandchild is unlike any other , ide have to say they were right.
Becoming your Mimi on that day changed my life in more than one way
You have brought so much joy to my life I miss watching you run and play
Fifteen years old my time has flown by
So many years I watched you grow and so many more I have missed
When I think of everything I have missed it hurts me deep inside
I just hope that you always know how much I love and miss you
Happy Birthday Mimis baby boy, may all your wishes come true

The prosana you stage is so visible to everyone but you. Claiming to be something you aren't, judging others for the same things you do.
Thinking that your life is so bright with that black cloud over your head.
Your purpose would be far better served if you would stop throwing stones and sweep your own doorstep instead.
Such a simple minded person to believe you do no wrong.
One day you will answer for your actions and it won't be long.
You invite misery wherever you go
I received your invitation so I guess you should know.
I won't be attending your party of misery. So you can count me out
I hope one day you can open your eyes and see what this life is really about .

I wanted to thank you for many things:
But first on my list,  thank you for the comfort your friendship brings.
We may not see each other every day:
But I know if I need you or you need me we are a phone call away.
We have great memories of riding dirt roads in search of wild flowers along our way.
The conversation and laughter was just what we needed on that very day.
I love you for being the friend that you are to me
Your diverse personality makes you who you are you see.
A man of your word you hold with honor and trust ;
Loyalty and respect is a must.
It's hard to find someone so true,
I'm thankful for finding a friend in you.

Just a few words to let you know true friends are hard to find,
That's why you my friend are profoundly one  of a kind
©KimE2018

Eyes piercing like popcicle wine, lips clenching of thirst like grapes from a vine.
A scene of perfection drawn from a mythical book.
Your body rippled like a flowing mountain Brook ,
Your hand grasped tightly closed for if opened you would see,
In the palm of your hand what belongs to me
It beats only for you and holds a bond for we shall never part.
You hold in your hand the key to my heart.

Exhausted in mind,  body and soul,
My head spinning in circles out of control.
Exceeding even my own expectations yet succeeding to the fullest of failure in every way.
Becoming what ever it is I am today.
My attempts to reach the highest peak of the heavens , falling short every time
The fall leaving more lesions and memories I should have left behind .
Of all the beautiful birds in the sky why is it the dreadful vulture circles my existence .
From my darkened corner, peace is only seen from a distance .
As I await the angels to lift my tired soul up to the sky,
I watch them one by one slowly pass me by.

Time has  preserved you as it has taken toll on me ,
Three years of waiting on the day to come, as you are to be  set free.
Free from chains that bound you with locks on Gates and slamming metal doors, Guards at every turn, no privacy to keep you away from the fears you had to hide
Nothing will erase the things that you've encountered and much more you had to see, behind those  prison walls known as life on the inside.
There isn't a time I can recall when you asked and didn't receive.
I took care of you and have waited three years just to pick you up and watch you leave.
My heart is broken but there's nothing I can do..
The choice is yours to make, I can't live your life for you. .
Everyone that hasn't been there and stood against me.
Are the ones that will enjoy your freedom ,  it's so unfair but you don't agree.
So I'll do what a mother should
I've been there for you all that I could
I pray you have all you ever dreamed and more
A family with your baby girl I know you will adore.
Maybe God will answer one more prayer for me
He already answered the one to allow me to make it long enough to see you free.
Now I Pray for him to keep you safe in a town full of demons just waiting  for you to come.
I'm always here for you , my one and only son .
I know it's time for me to let go and allow you to be a man
I'm always here for you son just don't forget always be the best that you can.
But in this busy world we live in nobody is promised another day,
Don't forget to tell the ones you love how much you love them because it only takes one minute to say and in that same minute it takes a blink of an eye for them to go away.

In this world in which we live just to barely survive
A world filled with hate, anger and selfish demise
To exhibit such beastly manners with no self respect
With lacking in morals and standards what else do we expect.
No discipline to teach right from wrong
Nothing more to seperate the weak from the strong
No plans to be made or goals left to reach
The children have no control and too unruly to teach.
A world where we are born a boy or a girl no longer exists
For now you can change your own ***
We run around worried that we might end up in hell
I say hell is what we are living now can you not tell

Have you no manners your words full of hate and actions unruly.
Tearing others down and being a bully.
You choose your victims by what your eyes Can see
It’s what’s on the inside so much pain waiting to be set free.
You don’t know their struggles and yet still don’t care
Bullying is no game so please be aware.
Your words one day could very well be the push over the edge
Mr Bully was their life worth the jump off the ledge
You don’t have to hurt others to stand tall
You would have been more the hero if you saved them from their fall
I hope it was worth it all the cruel things that you said
Mr bully he can’t hear your words anymore you hurt him so badly now he is dead

He resides in his kingdom heir to his thrown, with all the riches of this world, his people kneeling at his feet
What more could he ask for, he's living every dream a poor man haven't the means to meet.
Yet the poor man lives in his old run down house no food on the table no power to see,
But the love in his heart and he is a husband to his  wife and a father to his  kids , these are all the rich man wants to be.
No matter how rich in money there remains a void that all the money will never fill,
The poor man with no money has more in riches than the rich man ever will.

The Eve of Christmas and not one gift here to see,
The First Time in my life on Christmas I haven't put up a tree.
What am I becoming, someone I don't even know.
Not a light of twinkling or even a soft glow.
Christmas has always been my favorite holliday, up until this year.
So many things have changed, ive lost my Christmas cheer.
No kids to play santa for, they are all grown.
The Holliday I once loved I now spend all alone.

Once upon a time in this world that once was,
There was laughter of children playing in the street
Their faces weren’t covered with anything but a smile
Church doors were open for service
Education wasn’t an option as to teach in our homes
We had no social distancing or stand 6 feet apart
We spent our holidays as a family
There were no laws to remove our freedom as it has come to be
For all the generations to come will never experience what life was like when we were the land of the free.

Passing through those Gates it was finally sinking in,
In just a few more minutes I was going to see you again.
I remembered before how I felt as I watched the other mother leave with her son.
Now I can't believe you are the one.
God answered my prayer to let me be there to see you free
It wasn't much time but felt like forever before they brought you to me.
The very second I caught a glimpse of your face as you walked through that door,
Trying my best to hold back my tears until I couldn't control myself anymore.
I burst into tears holding you in my arms as you held me too.
I hope you know just how much I love and have missed you.
I watched your face as we walked out that gate
Arm and arm, still trying to grasp the feeling of being free.
Son it's all in your hands now, you choose your fate.
Make the right choices and do the right things
Only you can determine what your future brings.
I drove you to that place that you chose to go
Wishing you would change your mind but I already know
It just seems so unfair I've waited so long to get you back just to let you go and I'm still all alone
It's just hard for me to realize your no longer a child you are now grown .
I pray God keeps you safe in everything you do
Just know when things get tough you have a home to come too..