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Dec 2019 · 38
My Twin
Kim Essary Dec 2019
God gives a mother the gift of a child to love and nurture all the days through
A boy or a girl but only one, yet he blessed our mother with two.
We came into this world on the very same day
Identical twins, just alike in every way.
We spent our days together in all that we would do.
My life isn’t the same here on earth without you.
I see you in my mirror and every picture that I take
I miss your smile and the funny faces we would make.
I know one day I will see you face to face again.
Happy Birthday My best friend, my sister my angel my twin.
I will see you today when I walk outside in the sun
For when I look beside me at my silhouette it reminds me there are two of us never just one.
Dedicated to Sara and Samantha love forever Kim
Nov 2019 · 86
He Doesn’t know
Kim Essary Nov 2019
One moment she lays watching his innocence glow across his soft little cheeks as he nestles closely beside her and falls quickly asleep.
She has lost so much more than she has gained in this life
As her body has grown weak and sickness overtakes her yet her will to go on still fights within her.
Once it was pills she took to keep her going or so she thought not knowing it was the pills that was killing her
Thoughts of giving up the fight often entered her tired soul as she fought  through her pain often times she wondered where she gained her strength and will to fight.
She held on to hope for the ones that had left her as thoughts of them returning were fading away
That little boy that lay nestled beside her and the man that she loves was the medicine she needed to fight for one more day.
Just as the others had gone now so did he
Now she lays all alone , no more bedtime prayers or supper at the table
No more knowing he’s sneaking behind me with a smile on his face thinking I can’t see him rushing to my bed to sleep.
He has no clue how much he means to me and how that precious little boy has kept his mawmaw alive just knowing she was with him almost every day.
My grandson was my medicine to get through my days. Now I don’t get to see him because his mom moved away.
Nov 2019 · 73
The Eyes Decieve you
Kim Essary Nov 2019
It’s not always the things of this world that we may want that are the things we need.
Like the beautiful flowers we buy already in bloom when we could have witnessed the beauty of their growth by planting their seed.
Our eyes trick us into perfection of what we see
As our minds are trained to look at the here and now, not what it may some day be.  
We are human so we will make our share of mistakes and wrong choices along the way.
Admitting them is easier to know than it is to say.
Would our choices in this world be the same without eyes
We would then have to base our choice off of truth with no disguise.
The world would be a better place without seeing pretty my friend,
We would be forced to see more than face value and the beauty within.
If the world couldn’t see what then would we judge
Nov 2019 · 110
Kim Essary Nov 2019
You’ve denied my presence and thrown mex

Nov 2019 · 128
Sad Truth
Kim Essary Nov 2019
In this world in which we live just to barely survive
A world filled with hate, anger and selfish demise
To exhibit such beastly manners with no self respect
With lacking in morals and standards what else do we expect.
No discipline to teach right from wrong
Nothing more to seperate the weak from the strong
No plans to be made or goals left to reach
The children have no control and too unruly to teach.
A world where we are born a boy or a girl no longer exists
For now you can change your own ***
We run around worried that we might end up in hell
I say hell is what we are living now can you not tell
So sad but true
Kim Essary Nov 2019
How can it be that my heart aches for someone I’ve never met yet feel as if I’ve known forever.  
It’s as if our souls are attached through words typed and traveled all the way across the sea .
What is this, is it real, can it even be?
My friend lays in her bed only to await her journey to end.
As these thoughts race me to tears of the thought of her gone yet we have never even met
What is this, is it real, can it even be
A gut wrenching sadness that won’t go away, it’s as if I see her eyes I’ve never even seen and can feel her pain and her sadness as she lay in her bed to meet her fate,
What of such a force that is between us could allow this bond of two lives yet my eyes have never met her existence nor hers have met mine
What is this, is it real, can it even be,
Is this woman from across the sea my angel or am I to be hers, for we share so much likeness in our lives and things of our past and agree of things of this world most know nothing about,
Whatever it is or how it was meant to be I feel her in my heart and know she feels me
Whatever it may be it is more than real until we meet one day, I will always love you my friend across the sea.
This poem is the second I’ve written and Dedicated to A woman I met here on Hp one we can all agree is a loving soul with words that inspire all she knows. This woman is an inspiration to me  I Love You. My Dear Friend, Kim Johanna Baker
Oct 2019 · 127
free almost a year
Kim Essary Oct 2019
It’s been almost a year since you were set free
So much has changed between you and me.
It’s so hard for me to believe all we’ve been through.
This wasn’t supposed to happen to me and you.
My partner forever , my ride or die
You have treated me so badly and I don’t know why.
I wanted so much for your life to turn around.
To be a good daddy to Your little girl and keep her safe and sound.
I hope and Pray you never have to feel this pain I’ve had to endure
I’ve made my mistakes but I’ve remained by your side loyal and pure
I didn’t deserve all the hateful things you said
Why would you ever wish your own mother dead
But through it all I still love you the same
My only son it’s time to be a man and take your own blame
I didn’t teach you to live this way
I taught you a real man earns his money the honest way
Dear God I come to you down on my knees
Help my son lead him the way have mercy on him oh dear god I pray unto you Please. Amen
Prayers are much welcome
Oct 2019 · 46
Kim Essary Oct 2019
Serenade me the words of your song
Sound it as though your voice to be strong
Capture me to imagine a life with no fear
Sing to me of truth to know you are near
Sing to me of hope yet unseen
Sing to me a royal proposal to make me your queen
Sing me to you as I follow your voice
When your song brings us together we shall sing and rejoice
Singing can heal your soul
Oct 2019 · 80
Kim Essary Oct 2019
Have you no manners your words full of hate and actions unruly.
Tearing others down and being a bully.
You choose your victims by what your eyes Can see
It’s what’s on the inside so much pain waiting to be set free.
You don’t know their struggles and yet still don’t care
Bullying is no game so please be aware.
Your words one day could very well be the push over the edge
Mr Bully was their life worth the jump off the ledge
You don’t have to hurt others to stand tall
You would have been more the hero if you saved them from their fall
I hope it was worth it all the cruel things that you said
Mr bully he can’t hear your words anymore you hurt him so badly now he is dead
Bullying is a sickness and needs to be addressed so many young taking their own life because they were bullied.
Sep 2019 · 50
Kim Essary Sep 2019
Your tears of sadness and uncertainty pour like rain on my heart.
Wanting so much to mend what others have torn apart.
Keep your head up, love yourself and God above all.
For as long as I'm still breathing, rest assure I will be there to pick you up if you should fall.
This is your life to live so live it as you choose.
You will make mistakes along the waybut that doesn't mean you lose.
You will travel many roads some of them a dead end.
Dont give up turn around rid yourself of everything and everyone in your life that's pretend .
One day you will look back and remember all the roads you traveled, all the dead ends, all the times you turned around,
Don't be ashamed of your story , look in the mirror and be proud of that woman all those roads found.
I'm always here for you
Sep 2019 · 75
Kim Essary Sep 2019
Learning more with every passing day, feeling more like I don't belong.
Something I dreamed to be so right has become ever so wrong.
Remembering all the hurt and pain I've been through in my past
Now added the reality that even dreams don't last.
Finding that place of belonging is few and far between.
Aug 2019 · 93
Kim Essary Aug 2019
Your ears are foolish to believe every word thought to be heard
Your eyes hold trickery as to what they think they really see.
Things of the past you may have forgotten,
So they should remain forgotten instead of manifesting only what you hear of negativity,
For if you fall in the darkness where might you find the light.
Foolishness is upon you as you act upon things you no not of .
Such things, self proclaimed rumors, lies spit from the devil's tongue.
Rumors are:
Spoken by liars
Spread by Idiots and
Believed by Fools.
The story is told to one and misconstrued by the rest.
Jul 2019 · 276
Kim Essary Jul 2019
Days of my life, most filled with pain.
Days where there's little sunshine, to see through the rain.
There are days when only my lonely whispers my name.
Some days I lay crying accepting my blame .
Days when Im sad for no reason at all
Days when silence fills these walls.
Through it all I still find strength  to Give God His Praise.
I will keep my faith and continue to Pray for God to send me  better days .
Although life seems so gloom I am very blessed to have been given each day I wake.
Apr 2019 · 109
Remember Me One Day
Kim Essary Apr 2019
From the moment I saw you it was love at first sight .
I held you in my arms and cuddled you tight.
Your hair a soft glow of  brown,
With little curls softly falling down.
Your eyes angelic as they turned emorald green
Oh and that smile , the most precious smile I had ever seen.
I watched you grow into your own little you.
One of a kind a little mischievious too
The years flew by in what seemed to be in the blink of an eye
I taught you manners, morals, honesty and respect.
For all through your life these are things you should never forget.
I taught you to crawl and how to talk
I taught you to stand before you could walk .
I picked you up when you would fall down
I wiped your tears away and made you smile instead of frown.
You brought so much joy to me you made my life full.
Before I knew it you were headed to school .
I could go on forever with each year that's past
I just wish they hadn't all flown by so fast.
I miss your hugs and your kisses too
I miss my baby boy this I know is true.
I don't know what happened or where I went wrong
I just know you  left me and have been gone to long .
Lord I'm nothing without him I'm empty inside.
I wish more than anything he could see the tears I have cried.
He and his sister have turned their backs on me.
They were my reason for living you see
Now all that's left are the memories they must have forgot.
All the struggles and sacrifices, hopefully they will not forget all the things I taught.
The sky above me has turned to grey it use to be so blue.
I have failed as a mother to your sister and you.
You made me a promise you would be out to take care of me one day.
I never dreamed out of anyone that you would be the one to walk away.
The End
Apr 2019 · 113
Kim Essary Apr 2019
I long to write of happiness, joyous days and mindful bliss.
My pen however flows of truth, each word written silently.
It tells a story of sadness how The tunnels of this life have confined me
Blinded walking in disbelief how I've allowed the people I love cause me so much pain.
Living yet never learning I only have myself to blame.
The sacrifices, the tears I've shed over things in which were out of my hands
I've confined myself in this tunnel by granting others demands
For now it is I have nothing left to give
My strength has grown weak, my life seems to have lost purpose as to even want to live .
I will always wonder what it's like to have someone to turn to in my times of hurt and despair.
For Everytime I was needed you turned around and I was there.
Don't take for granted the ones that stand by your side
Apr 2019 · 75
The End
Kim Essary Apr 2019
I can't see through my eyes as these tears are blinding..
I can't breath through all my wheeping
I try to feel but my body is so numb..
I can't find the strength to stand as my legs are shaking
I want to help but my heart has been left to shredded pieces not able to be mended.
I try to speak but I can't find the words needed to be spoken.
My thoughts race as I try to picture what your future holds now,
I have begged and pleaded, been emotionally abused and used. I have given all I had down to my last dollar.
Where does it stop how does it end, when will you listen and live a good life.
Wasn't three years of your life enough to live behind those prison walls?
Is this too much for a mother to ask, as there's no promise of tomorrow, what if I were to die to day my precious son, please ask of yourself ,
Could you live with that.
Nothing more to say but the sadness of my words.
Apr 2019 · 129
Kim Essary Apr 2019
I have done my best as a parent to raise my children right, but the pain I'm enduring right now is a pain I can't speak from my mouth I can only write.
My son has cussed me, stole from me, used me, drained me, tried to destroy my relationship, he has called me while he was hitting the dope ****** he lives with, as I'm begging him to stop while my chest is in so much pain, he continues with no thought at any moment I could die from heart failure,  he has put a knife to his throat in front of me and through it all I find myself hopeless but I still love him hurt for him want to hold him and tell him it's all going to be ok. Because at the end of the day he is my baby boy. He has drained me for every penny, blamed me, told me he was going to **** me, I didn't need to be on this Earth and through it all I still sit here this morning searching online for ways to save him because I know his heart and I feel his pain I'm supposed tO I am his momma . My emotions are torn beyond repair I get angry, mad, sad, hurt and frustrated not knowing how to help him but at the end of it all I cry with hope and prayer that God will bring him peace and comfort within himself  I pray that he remembers how he was raised and humbles himself enough to get the help he needs he has seen and been through more than most grown men could ever imagine and he survived so I am fighting a battle that he feels he has already won because he has survived so much more but still the end of the day the battle he faces is the rest of his life and it's all about a choice a simple seemingly choice.  The choice to continue a road to destruction for the rest of his life or the choice to humble himself and get help , we as mother's have wiped the tears from our children's faces throughout their life. We have cleaned their scrapes and nursed their fevers. We have fed them and clothed them we have spanked and loved we have faught their battles and stood in front of them to protect them from danger and when faced with their addiction we have found that the choice isn't ours anymore and that is the hardest most hurtful things to have to face when we can't take their hand to lead them from danger we can't tell them the fire is hot and will burn you and it's harder than anything in this world because at the end of the day we are still their mother. No excuse, no blaming the drug or drugs, no I'm sorry, it won't happen again, will ever erase the hurt inside my heart. But nothing can take away the blessing God gave to me, the gift of my son. Because when it's all said and done, I'll catch him when he falls and wipe his tears and clean his scrapes, I am forever and always "His Momma"
Addiction is a choice not a way of life. If something consumes or controls you , don't do it, the hurt is far beyond the eyes of an addict .
Mar 2019 · 80
What am I without Them
Kim Essary Mar 2019
As I lay in my bed rivers of tears streaming down my face,
Every hateful thing you said I'm trying to erase.
I've never been so hurt and torn apart,
There is no mending the scars your words left on my heart.
You, my only son, the reason every day I wake..
Your words were so hateful something I can never shake.
I never knew you felt that way, that you held so much hate for me inside.
I'm sorry for failing you I honestly thought I was a decent mom or at least I thought I tried .
Now I know the truth about how you feel about me and it's hard for me to accept.
23 years of anger inside you,  you have kept .
I am nothing now but a hopeless memory of the mother I meant to be.
I haven't even a soul inside wanting to be set free.
I don't know when my children concluded the feelings they have that their lives were ever so bad.
It was hard raising two children alone being a mom and a dad.
I worked hard trying to provide their wants and needs.
I can't think of a time that they asked and didn't receive .
We didn't live poor, I sacrificed things to make sure they wore nice things and lived in a nice place.
Looking back now, none of it was good enough as they have both slammed the door in my face .
I'm not claiming perfection by all means I know I made mistakes.
But they worship the ground their father walks on and believes every word he speaks.
None of this even makes a difference  or matters much anyway
My children have broken my heart with every hateful thing they could ever say .
My Breath is worthless from now on.
I tried very hard to do right for my children I don't know where I went so wrong
Mar 2019 · 125
Your Own Misery
Kim Essary Mar 2019
The prosana you stage is so visible to everyone but you. Claiming to be something you aren't, judging others for the same things you do.
Thinking that your life is so bright with that black cloud over your head.
Your purpose would be far better served if you would stop throwing stones and sweep your own doorstep instead.
Such a simple minded person to believe you do no wrong.
One day you will answer for your actions and it won't be long.
You invite misery wherever you go
I received your invitation so I guess you should know.
I won't be attending your party of misery. So you can count me out
I hope one day you can open your eyes and see what this life is really about .
Misery loves company however we have the choice to stay clear of it
Mar 2019 · 107
Her last Breath
Kim Essary Mar 2019
As shadows fall upon a saddened soul
Breath grows faint as hope lays still against her fragile heart.
She feels alive inside her trapped existence
Attempts yet failed to rise like the sun
Her mind races among memories of the past
Reliving each one in her mind but faced with the reality of no escape
The feeling of urge trying to break through
But her strength weakened from many attempts of failure.
Praying for chances to stand again, the soul of so much hurt and pain searching so hard for a smile of pleasure to break the force and allow a breath to rise for her life. .
Her story of life like the petals of a flower, falling to their death she slowly fades asleep
For her pain and sorrow too much to bear as the last petal floats to the ground, her soul flies away now she too like the petals that lay beside her has gone.
The feeling of wnding but still alive
Kim Essary Mar 2019
She struggles so much more than a young woman should , she never surrenders  like most probably would.
She' is treated poorly, pushed down by the ones that should stand by her side..
Somehow she manages to maintain her pride.
Through all of this sadness and pain she always manages to find sunshine in the rain.
She has turned her world completely around .
I've sat from afar and watched her pick herself  up off the ground.
She works hard every day to take care of her son
Since the day he was born, he's been her number one.
I am writing these words because I think she should know how precious she is and how blessed I am to have her and her son in my life.
They may not be blood but they are my family and one day her daddy will make me his wife.
No matter what the future may hold I want her to know im in their life to stay
Family doesn't always mean blood and I will never go away.
I love you both with all of my heart
Know matter where the roads of this life lead us I'm always here for you just like I've been from the start..
Dedicated to my step daughter Alicia Taylor Bludsworth and my precious Grandson, Lane
Feb 2019 · 108
Perfect Dream
Kim Essary Feb 2019
The dream of being loved through sickness and health,
Through richer and poor with your love being my wealth,
Getting the respect in return for the respect that I give,
Understanding  mistakes and able to forgive.
Trust and honor till death due us part,
Patiently waiting for my dream to start.
Time is running out for there's no promise of tomorrow,
Life is too short to live in constant sorrow.
Wanting to feel loved so badly, I conformed to your needs and did it gladly.
I can only wish my dream come true,
I have never loved another the way I love you.
Dreaming of such a happy life with the same happily ever after. Yet wondering if this exceeds the limits of expectancy to great for one to fill .
Feb 2019 · 91
Lost Soul
Kim Essary Feb 2019
I don't know where my life is going but I'm sure of where it's been.
The ups and downs of happy and sad from the beginning to the end.
Roads i traveled, knowing they were wrong from the start. Others left wreched  scars on my heart
It's hard not to second guess yourself when life's highways have put you through hell.
So many ups and downs, from a smoke filled room where only the poor were allowed to the glitz and the glamour of only the rich crowd.
I've witnessed very little loyalty from family and friends
The cruel and conniving actions were more than I could stand.
I learned it was safer to stand with my back against a wall.
Otherwise I would be setting myself up to fall.
Words we use are only just words as it's our actions that  prove to be true.
So easy to say, so much harder to carry through..
I can't seem to get a grip on my life
Feb 2019 · 288
Sound of Silence
Kim Essary Feb 2019
Shhhhhh Listen closely as you can hear the sound of silence screaming through the air.
Why must it sound haunted and be filled with pain , and not the muse of laughter singing silently in the rain .
The sound of silence rings like a bell , one of screaching one of yell.
It doesn't twinkle oh so bright , tis the sound of silence we fear at night.
Not the sounds we may hear nor the sights we can see,
Not even the brushing limbs up in the tree
Just the sound of silence screaming loud and clear   this sound brings lonely silence oh so near.
Lonely can be your best friend as well as your worst enemy don't let the sound of silence consume you.
Feb 2019 · 148
Dark Confusion
Kim Essary Feb 2019
Exhausted in mind,  body and soul,
My head spinning in circles out of control.
Exceeding even my own expectations yet succeeding to the fullest of failure in every way.
Becoming what ever it is I am today.
My attempts to reach the highest peak of the heavens , falling short every time
The fall leaving more lesions and memories I should have left behind .
Of all the beautiful birds in the sky why is it the dreadful vulture circles my existence .
From my darkened corner, peace is only seen from a distance .
As I await the angels to lift my tired soul up to the sky,
I watch them one by one slowly pass me by.
Sad to feel dark inside when all you want to see is the light
Jan 2019 · 69
Undying Pain
Kim Essary Jan 2019
Where have the years gone, Days like today I wish I could turn back time.
You've grown from my baby girl to a woman now twenty nine.
Although your memories of growing up you tell were mostly sad.
I wish you would remember some of the good ones we had.
I know you see things the way you want to or or believe all you've been told .
I hope one day you understand that not everything you have been told is completely true .
I'm not claiming perfection as no human will ever be
You will understand one day baby girl you to have made mistakes no different than me.
I tried very hard to provide you and you⁴r brother some stability.
After I became very sick I lacked the ability.
Sometimes we go through this life with a blindfold to cover our eyes
When we remove it we become victom of our own demise.
You have put me down and called me names and wished me hurtful things
I have found forgiveness in my heart and pray you never feel the pain all of this brings .
I'm proud of the woman you've become and hope that one day you will see.
I'm not the terrible person you have made me out to be.
I gave you life to watch you grow and teach you right from wrong , you kept me from your life and treated me like a disease keeping my grandson from me all along .
There will come a day when you sit all alone and wish you would have let me in instead of shutting me out but by then it will be to late.
I will have left this world never feeling your love only your mean words and hate
Never forget the times I reached out to you, I needed to feel your love and know you were there.
So many times I needed you but so many times you didn't care.
I remember you telling me a long time ago that I would die alone some day
So here I am babygirl that day you spoke haunts my existence in every way
Jan 2019 · 243
A Wounded Healer
Kim Essary Jan 2019
Of this world so darkened by evils, evils that taint and tarnesh all the good in it's path..
Love bares a soul that only our creator can claim, hands that heal the wounded and a heart that breaks by day.
Hidden souls that crawl from the cracks left behind to wait for the coiled serpant like powerless pray.
They walk amongst us in a field left open , to be struck by the venome  as they lay hopeless and face their death ,.
The Wounded Healer kneels beside them with hands to lay, ******* the poison,  giving them purity to rinse their veins.
The Wounded Healer now weakened by the goodness of thyne heart but expects nothing in return
Now her age upon her,  taken over the beast of I'll, not one soul of the once wounded stands before her to show they love her,  as she asks of nothing more before she goes.
Is this what I see and feel before me to be A Wounded Healer yet die with painful sadness as I lay here all alone .  
Tis true to never expect the good you rein upon God's children to rein on you in return. Keeping your heart good and love without regret for This is the Only honest love that of a wounded Healer is certain they will get
Healing of anything is self serving in itself
Jan 2019 · 193
Momma's Baby Boy
Kim Essary Jan 2019
Your life hasn't been all I had hoped it would be ,
You have been to hell and back, sometimes I blame me.
But the struggles and journeys you have faced  have made you the man  you are today..
You have walked through this cold cruel world and kept your head held high, no matter what people might say.
Mistakes, indeed you have made your fair share and will make many more.
Just continue to learn from them son , keep being that guy that I adore. .
You make me proud to be your momma, no matter how people talk.
How special am I that you are my son , hand and hand we will walk.
There's no way that evil will win baby boy with me by your side and you by mine.
Back to back partner to partner no man among us will ever take our shine.
I've been told by some very good guys,
I should be very proud of the young man I raised , for his age he is very wise . .
Many Nick names you earned son some of them you fit the roll, from leo , pchyco , baby boy to " a fine young man with an old soul".
Dedicated to my baby boy Dylan Hinton
I love you very much
Jan 2019 · 102
Winter in the South
Kim Essary Jan 2019
Old Man Winter was  slow this year,
Its already January , but the weather outside says spring is near.
Ironic how the times have changed as the seasons have as well.
As each year passes the seasons are getting harder to tell.
One would expect the smell of chimney smoke throughout the air..
Usually summer clothes are packed away as winter clothes are brought out to wear.
Not this year, old man winter has gotten confused,
Our days are warm and nights not cold enough for heat to be used .
Maybe next year old man winter will get it right.
For this year he failed but the warm weather is such a delite.
Times are changing but the seasons are beginning to remain the same.
Jan 2019 · 388
Kim Essary Jan 2019
I am intrigued as I peer  up at the morning sky.
The sun rises with such poise as it caresses the white clouds  as it makes way to the top.
The magnificiant colors, what an array of beauty the sunrise holds  The magic of it rising begins our new day.
But for as fast as it rises , just as fast it's fading away.
Take time to wake early one morning before the sunrise is gone.
If you happen to miss it you can see it again for the sunset is just before Dawn.
Nothing compares to the beauty of the sunrise and subset
Jan 2019 · 138
Kim Essary Jan 2019
The Eve of Christmas and not one gift here to see,
The First Time in my life on Christmas I haven't put up a tree.
What am I becoming, someone I don't even know.
Not a light of twinkling or even a soft glow.
Christmas has always been my favorite holliday, up until this year.
So many things have changed, ive lost my Christmas cheer.
No kids to play santa for, they are all grown.
The Holliday I once loved I now spend all alone.
A once use to be favorite now so sad
Jan 2019 · 571
Reflection of Me
Kim Essary Jan 2019
Bound by this life and what it has become , Lost like the blind walk amongst a house with no walls.
Searching as high as I'm able to see, as I'm walking on the rubbel from the ground beneath me.
The reflection of a woman very familiar, someone I seem to recognize but  I have never seen, yet she follows me around even when I dream.
A familiar face looks quite like mine but it's aged by many years, her body no longer that shape like an hour Glass, her face worn with the worry of years,
Her breaths wheezing , no shine in her eyes, her smile seems to be hidden under so much pain.
The reflection of myself standing right in front of me as I stare  in disbelief,  I no longer see any beauty or feel  happiness , for my mind is no longer sane
Life holds no promises of what we are to become .
Dec 2018 · 154
Loves Vision
Kim Essary Dec 2018
Eyes piercing like popcicle wine, lips clenching of thirst like grapes from a vine.
A scene of perfection drawn from a mythical book.
Your body rippled like a flowing mountain Brook ,
Your hand grasped tightly closed for if opened you would see,
In the palm of your hand what belongs to me
It beats only for you and holds a bond for we shall never part.
You hold in your hand the key to my heart.
Live isn't blind for you are all I see and forever want.
Nov 2018 · 99
Forgotten Past
Kim Essary Nov 2018
Searching through the rubbel, always trying to find,
The pieces of my life lay beneath all the past I've left behind.
Piece by piece unturned, the memories of long ago.
Digging deeper for the answers I may never know
A tear for this one a smile for the next I see
So much rubbel I've left to go through to rediscover me.
A few unanswered questions I long to unfold
Hidden deep somewhere beneath the rubbel, answers yet untold.
For when I discover the answers wherever they may be.
I hope they give me closure so I can set my mind free.
The past surely is something we can never change,
Once it's done there's no going back no matter how much we rearrange.
Maybe it is I am looking for something I feel but can not touch.
Could it be a purpose behind not knowing because the truth may be too much?
The storms of my life left destruction enough to last forever,
Though I've heard it said that forever is a mighty long time to endeavor.
I allow my thoughts to slow so that I may think .
Although I think my search of importabce as it may be but the life I'm wasting in search of something I can't change when my life could be gone in a blink.
The important things in life are learning from your mistakes and loving the life set forth for you.
Don't waste precious time searching through the rubbel of your past some things are better left, there's no changing the answers even if you knew .
No matter how much we search our past we can't change it .
Nov 2018 · 3.3k
Kim Johanna Baker
Kim Essary Nov 2018
As her words grab my heart with each and every message or poem I read,
It truly saddens me to be so far in distance, I can't offer her what she may need.
Never have I layed my eyes upon her, I can only Invision her beauty by her poems and words of wisdom.
Her soul sweet as the blooming flowers and heart as pure as gold.
It's as if her soul is that no less than angelic as she has touched many on this site and more.
What saddens me is soon she will no longer be with us as her illness is growing worse day by day,
My Dearest Kim Johanna Baker, there will be a sadness and void on this site and in my heart the day the Lord takes you away.
I hope that she may see this before it's her time to go, for when the other angels come for her I want for her to know.
The impact her sweet soul has left for all of us here on HP, some more than others , some of you like me.
So if you would or care to join me in my dedication to a very loving soul that makes this site so pleasurable, feel free to leave a comment below.
We love you our dear friend , our dear friend Kim!
Please feel free to repost this for the ones I don't know
Never met this wonderful lady but she has touched me and my life so dearly. Kim Johanna Baker
Nov 2018 · 165
Kim Essary Nov 2018
Blame is merely a person's way of.  placing fault of their own amongst someone else to keep them from admitting any wrong.
Fault, a widely described word in which is a cause and or effect of a purpose.
Putting blame upon another is telling them they are at fault of making the wrong decision or choice of action.
Not much intellect goes into either word as I see it.
An action , so to speak, is bound to get a reaction.
So mind boggling these words, maybe it is that your actions caused another to make a decision you may Invision to be wrong when in respect it was only a reaction to your action, so whom shall be to blame or at fault now?
When in the act of pointing the finger or making such accusations of blame or fault ask yourself , was it an act you did that caused them to react in such a manner that it could be wrong?
Just a jumble of thoughts crossing my mind .
Nov 2018 · 117
Home Free
Kim Essary Nov 2018
Passing through those Gates it was finally sinking in,
In just a few more minutes I was going to see you again.
I remembered before how I felt as I watched the other mother leave with her son.
Now I can't believe you are the one.
God answered my prayer to let me be there to see you free
It wasn't much time but felt like forever before they brought you to me.
The very second I caught a glimpse of your face as you walked through that door,
Trying my best to hold back my tears until I couldn't control myself anymore.
I burst into tears holding you in my arms as you held me too.
I hope you know just how much I love and have missed you.
I watched your face as we walked out that gate
Arm and arm, still trying to grasp the feeling of being free.
Son it's all in your hands now, you choose your fate.
Make the right choices and do the right things
Only you can determine what your future brings.
I drove you to that place that you chose to go
Wishing you would change your mind but I already know
It just seems so unfair I've waited so long to get you back just to let you go and I'm still all alone
It's just hard for me to realize your no longer a child you are now grown .
I pray God keeps you safe in everything you do
Just know when things get tough you have a home to come too..
Letting go is the hardest thing to do
Oct 2018 · 122
Riches and Poor
Kim Essary Oct 2018
He resides in his kingdom heir to his thrown, with all the riches of this world, his people kneeling at his feet
What more could he ask for, he's living every dream a poor man haven't the means to meet.
Yet the poor man lives in his old run down house no food on the table no power to see,
But the love in his heart and he is a husband to his  wife and a father to his  kids , these are all the rich man wants to be.
No matter how rich in money there remains a void that all the money will never fill,
The poor man with no money has more in riches than the rich man ever will.
Money will never buy happiness
Kim Essary Oct 2018
Time has  preserved you as it has taken toll on me ,
Three years of waiting on the day to come, as you are to be  set free.
Free from chains that bound you with locks on Gates and slamming metal doors, Guards at every turn, no privacy to keep you away from the fears you had to hide
Nothing will erase the things that you've encountered and much more you had to see, behind those  prison walls known as life on the inside.
There isn't a time I can recall when you asked and didn't receive.
I took care of you and have waited three years just to pick you up and watch you leave.
My heart is broken but there's nothing I can do..
The choice is yours to make, I can't live your life for you. .
Everyone that hasn't been there and stood against me.
Are the ones that will enjoy your freedom ,  it's so unfair but you don't agree.
So I'll do what a mother should
I've been there for you all that I could
I pray you have all you ever dreamed and more
A family with your baby girl I know you will adore.
Maybe God will answer one more prayer for me
He already answered the one to allow me to make it long enough to see you free.
Now I Pray for him to keep you safe in a town full of demons just waiting  for you to come.
I'm always here for you , my one and only son .
I know it's time for me to let go and allow you to be a man
I'm always here for you son just don't forget always be the best that you can.
But in this busy world we live in nobody is promised another day,
Don't forget to tell the ones you love how much you love them because it only takes one minute to say and in that same minute it takes a blink of an eye for them to go away.
Sometimes it's hard for a mother to let go and allow their children to grow up and I don't know how well I'll succeed at this I just know I've got to try.
Oct 2018 · 286
Volcanic Seduction
Kim Essary Oct 2018
Your presence is volcanic, your body glowing from the heat within.
As you come closer the seductive scent of your cologne intrigues my senses.
My eyes close to Invision your body with steam of your breath against my skin ,
Our bodies come together, I feel your insides roar.
Anticipating your next move as I lay beneath you, your steamy beads of hot lava flowing down your body on to mine..
The burning feel of pure satisfaction waiting to erupt,
Feeling the chills of pleasure cover my skin as my body bears it's sweet realease, like an eruption of the volcano as it prepared to unleash.
The hot lava throbs inside of me from your volcanic eruption and leaves us limp like the smouldering Ash that lay beneath us.
Oct 2018 · 284
Nothing is written in Stone
Kim Essary Oct 2018
This life in which we exist holds nothing written in stone.
For we are here today and gone tomorrow, left fearing the unknown.
No promises are kept, nor word without a lie.
No love that lasts, or knowing the reason why.
Nothing kept sacred or secret left untold.
No friendship remains loyal , or souls remain unsold.
No together as one forever , or death until we part,
No goals accomplished or finish what we start.
No respect given nor respect earned
No punishment for our actions or any lesson learned .
Morals and values are no longer what is taught.
Freedom is no longer free for reason this country faught.
What has this world become or what have we conformed to.
Wrong doesn't make right and evil is never good, as well as something false is never true
Sad but true
Oct 2018 · 102
Dedicated to Mark B.
Kim Essary Oct 2018
As you travel life's winding road wherever it shall lead,
There's very few things you should take and many more to leave behind, lots of things your sure to want , but much less you're sure to need.
I'm glad our paths crossed along the way and I  found a friend in you,
A loving man in search of his happiness, and very deserving of it too.
I believe every path crossed is not of coinsadence but of fait,
God is always on time never early nor late.
I wish you well my friend and pray for you while your away,
Don't forget me and remember what I say,
A friend is true and honest and loyal to the end,
They never break a promise, or judge, on them you can depend.
I won't say goodbye but I'll see you later my friend.
God be with you every day to the end .
Love ,
Oct 2018 · 304
Daddy's Day
Kim Essary Oct 2018
I woke today with a hole in my heart wishing you were still here.
Time was supposed to make things easier but it gets harder for me each and every year.
Today we should be celebrating you birthday but instead I woke from my dream and had to face fact.
The fact that your not here with me, and knowing you're never coming back.
Not a day since you left to join the Angels in the sky,
That I haven't needed you or sat alone to cry.
I know I'll see you someday soon
You're not here to celebrate your birthday daddy so I'm sending you up one balloon.
When it goes through all the clouds and straight to heaven for you.
You will find your birthday card attached that reminds you every day how much your loved and how I've missed you too.
Happy Birthday up in heaven Daddy, love you baby girl
I miss him every day know matter how long My Her My Daddy has been away
Oct 2018 · 318
Hurricane Michael
Kim Essary Oct 2018
From miles out in the horizon, a storm was headed our way;
The oceans waves rolled with fury and  would  hit land today.
People boarded up their homes and headed for a safe place to stay;
This storm of fury was a level four hurricane destroying everything in it's way.
As it hit landfall with it's massive force;
All we could do is pray it would weaken or shift to another coarse.
The raging winds roared above 100mph as it continued on it's path;
We all took shelter as we waited in fear to see it's aftermath.
Never in our history have we witnessed such a beast;
The wrath of mother nature was hungry and our land was her feast.
Shingles flew from rooftops, trees lifted from their roots, thousands left with no power, some were homeless in the street.
Many things we can control in this world but mother nature we will never defeat.
Hurricane Michael made his way and left just as fast;
The storm of October 10, 2018 will soon be a memory past.
Thank God it's over I've seen my share of storms but nothing to compare .
Oct 2018 · 147
Kim Essary Oct 2018
I wanted to thank you for many things:
But first on my list,  thank you for the comfort your friendship brings.
We may not see each other every day:
But I know if I need you or you need me we are a phone call away.
We have great memories of riding dirt roads in search of wild flowers along our way.
The conversation and laughter was just what we needed on that very day.
I love you for being the friend that you are to me
Your diverse personality makes you who you are you see.
A man of your word you hold with honor and trust ;
Loyalty and respect is a must.
It's hard to find someone so true,
I'm thankful for finding a friend in you.

Just a few words to let you know true friends are hard to find,
That's why you my friend are profoundly one  of a kind
Dedicated to my dear friend Bobby Phillups
Oct 2018 · 144
Night Time
Kim Essary Oct 2018
Your darkness falls all over me;
Blackened so it's hard to see.
The only lights that shine on you is the light from the stars and moon that comes through.
The evils of this world consume you,
As they are hidden in the shadows of your darkness too.
As the sun begins to rise and begin a new day,
The darkness of the night slowly fades away.
When you return after the day is done.
Your darkness of night replaces the sun.
Oct 2018 · 345
Letter From Heaven
Kim Essary Oct 2018
Dear Momma,
I'm sorry the Good Lord called me home so soon without even saying goodbye;
Seems He had bigger plans for me way up here in the sky.
Heaven is so beautiful, no pain or sadness, you would be so proud;
I'm able to walk and run by myself, no wheelchairs are allowed.
Momma I know you miss me and I I hope you know I miss you too;
Just close your eyes and think of me because I'm always with you .
I want to thank you for everything you did for me growing up, however big or small;
To have you as my mother was the greatest gift of all.
I wish I would have told you more how much you mean to me and gave you one more hug and kiss;
You are taking such good care of Emileigh, that's one little girl I'm surely going to miss.
I know we have both said some things to each other that we didn't mean to say;
I pray you have forgiven me as I have forgiven you if I could I would take every ugly word away.
As Emileigh gets older and asks questions about me please tell  her that I love her now just like I loved her then;
Her mommy wasn't well and thought that's the way things should've been.
Please tell her every day how much I love her and be a good girl for her Grammy and she can talk to me anytime she wants because I'm never far away;
You may not be able to see me  forever in your heart to stay.
I only wanted what was best for her I hope she already knows;
I'm sorry I'm not going to be there to watch her as she grows.
I'm so very blessed when God chose my mama it was you that he picked for me;
Just ask my other two sisters as I'm sure that they will agree.
I wish I could have been there to wish you a happy Mother's Day;
I love you so much and   will see you again when the good Lord calls you home to stay.
But until then please don't cry for me or live  with any regret;
Cherish and hold on to every good  memory that way you're sure to never forget.
Dedicated to my best friend Camille , I can't imagine losing a child like she did
Oct 2018 · 647
Innocence of a Child
Kim Essary Oct 2018
So sweet and young at the age of ten, yet endured more loss and and hurt than most ever will.
So many things about your precious life have been stripped that it doesn't seem real .
Four years ago when we first met I had no idea that you would become so very special to me.
Your Daddy was doing his very best raising his little girl but there was so much he didn't see.
You needed a woman in your life to teach you certain things.
The progress that you have made has left me more than proud of you.
You have transformed into a beautiful young lady and make A's and B's too.
But a tragedy has entered your already broken life as God called you Daddy home.
Now I don't get to see you, they've taken you away from everything and everyone you have ever known.
My heart hurts so bad , I want to hold you and tell you everything is going to be alright .
I've grown so close to you, it's like I can feel you crying in your new bed at night.
I miss you my little Luhoo and love you more than you know.
I never dreamed I wouldn't be in your life to watch you as you grow.
We use to look up at the clouds and tell each other what we see.
I may not be there with you baby girl but Everytime you look at the clouds now please think of me.
A child that has touched my heart and made so much progress in her life her daddy was killed in a motorcycle wreck I was the only thing besides him she knew and now she's been taken away from me. My heart hurts so bad for her
Sep 2018 · 731
One Life
Kim Essary Sep 2018
What is it so great that consumes us of fear.
Why must we hide who we truly are and be ashamed of the person we see in our mirror.
Does this world exist more of such fabrication and lies that we forget who we are and where it is we came from
We must conform to the piercing eyes of our society and March to the beat of everyone else's drum
Can you take one minute out of your oh so busy day
Long enough to pose  the question to yourself,
If today was the last day of my life , have you any regrets left un mended, or things you didn't take time to say?
If you will be honest and swallow your pride,
Make time for the ones you love, have empathy for even those you don't know, make your wrongs right, forgive and forget , so if today were your last you will leave this Earth knowing you took time and at least you tried .
Stop fearing yourself and confirming to ways just to fit in,
You have only one that can forgive your sin
No man on Earth can take away from you what he didn't give,
So love who you are and be happy with no regret because after all , you are only given one life to live .
Life is something we all take for granted until it's too late
Sep 2018 · 76
More Than You See
Kim Essary Sep 2018
I am so many things in this life , what I choose for me to be .
I will remain strong and not consider all the cruel things you say to me .
I am not the Matt that fits inside a  door .
I am not nor will ever be a ***** or a *****.
So when you stand like a coward and spit words in my face .
Be sure that you mean them because they can never be erased .I'm sorry that you feel the need to cause me such pain.
It must be a living hell inside your brain.
I'm so much more than what your eyes can see
You will never know nor will i let you take that away from me.
The woman that I really am inside this  shell
God made me special and all you've done is drag me through hell .
I have to forgive you because My Lord says to
But He never said I had to forget all you have put me through.
I understand you you have the need to feel control at all cost to you.
I hope the price you had to pay is worth everything you do.
Because when it's all said and done and I am gone in a blink of an eye.
I've left you these words to remind you daily so you never have to question why!!
Abuse is much more than a slap or a hit.
Enough is enough when I tell you to quit.
Just because you have the body of a man doesn't give you the right.
Your body parts don't make you a man nor do the words you spit when we fight.
Maybe one day you will grow up and see
I am more of a woman than the man you will ever be.
Abuse isn't just physical it is emotional scars from words spoken to the ones we are supposed to love .
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