I’m drifting down this spiraling hole
My life has been taking a downward toll

These thoughts circle around me, making an ambush
Closing me in, trapping me in this mush

The wind blows my hair forward, but I can’t look back
This abyss is endless, and that is a fact

I close my eyes, darkness remaining still
This jar of guilt, remaining fill

Opening my eyes again, seeing the entrance above
Thousands of feet below the things I once loved

There’s darkness now, and soon later on
The feelings I’ve felt are now all gone

Closing my eyes once more, calmness to protect me
The ones who tried their best, their eyes I couldn’t see

I reach my hand out, asking for one last chance
Their happiness is soothing, my sorrow, a trance

I take a deep breath, and still I lie
As my guilt erases, and my world begins to die

I hope that deer in the road
In the afterlife has fun
I hope those moths by the light
Get an eternity of sun

I hope that lonely old lady
Gets to reunite with her lover
I hope that man who had to sit in the rain
Will always, above his head, have a cover

I hope the rainbow everyone admires when they see
I hope its colors never fade
I hope the dolls the girls wanted
I hope they never stop being made

I hope the ocean waves they splashed in
I hope they never stop being rode
I hope the stories that inspire others
I hope they never stop being told

And I hope when I take my final breath
I get to see that beautiful sky one last time
And I hope this dream is never taken away
Even though it was never mine

Everyday, I stand by the port
And wait for the boats to come in
And everyday, when the ship arrives
Not a single person gets off

At least not for me they don't
They run up to their friends
Kiss their lovers hello
Running on the dock with suitcases

They stare at me as they walk past
Only one there with no one to welcome
I feel them staring when I'm not looking
I wish they would stop staring.

Everyday, I stand by the port
Waiting for my sailor to come home
But my sailor never leaves the boat
Please, come home.

Raised by a pair of dragons
Dodging their huffs and puffs of smoke and fire
And if I accidentally step on their tail
I'll burn on my own fiery pyre

And I watch the others with their parents of rabbits
While I'm here, trying not to be burnt
And while I dodge these flames once more
I think about what could've been, was or weren't.

I convinced myself that I would be the one to leave
But it turns out it was him
And I prayed each night that he wouldn't go
But I've never been able to win
What happened to every good morning text you sent?
What happened to asking if I'm okay?
It's so obvious we loved each other
Then what did you mean today?
What happened to me being your favorite person?
What happened to losing sleep for me?
And if you say I did nothing wrong
I'll still believe we were never meant to be
You said there's nothing wrong with me
You just find the situation draining
But I don't wish you to be sad
And don't you think I am paining
I've found a new independence
No longer will I have to hide anymore
And yes, I'll still be sad
But it'll never be able to touch my core
So don't take pity on me
And don't see yourself as dumb
I may not reply as much anymore
But that's because I've found my own freedom

I dream, I dream, I dream
I dream for a life much bigger than this
And for the hope of the Lady Wealth's kiss
To be known by both Mister and Miss
I dream for a life much bigger than this
I want a life with a forever lasting smile
A goal, a dream that'll be worth my while
Sailing across a sea of gold
Knowing there's no other way this can unfold
From now on I'll only be winning
Just you wait, this is just the beginning
I don't dream of love
I don't dream of health
I don't dream of fame
I don't dream of wealth
I won't cross paths with the black cat's hiss
Because I dream of a life much bigger than this
I've dreamt of a life much bigger than this
I'm dreaming of a life much bigger than this
This is my redemption, myself I will redeem
I dream, I dream, I dream

I remember being alone, stuck in the mud
I remember my hands being stained with red blood
And even when the times got tough
My hard work was never enough
I'm not as perfect as you all see
My whole life I've just been trying to be free
My whole life I've waited to shine
But I'm still waiting for the right time
To you, I'm all a secret
But I'm a stranger, can you feel it?
I guess I'm so used to pain
That I'll take it over warm, summer rain
And when I have to deal with all listed above
There's a weight on my shoulders, that some call love
I've been waiting for something new
And right on my doorstep appears you
I'm running to a place way long gone
I don't even know what I am running from
But I do know I'd run 100 miles, back and to
Just so I could get one look at you
But even if I'm with you and your artists
That is not truly where my heart is
All my memories of the past are fake
I threw them in the thousand-feet deep lake
What was I even supposed to do?
I didn't know what I got myself into

Back then, I thought I was making the right decision
If only back then I had my present vision

If only I hadn't done that, my life would begin anew
Numerous more opportunities I would've gotten to

I don't want to think of it as a regret, but a way to ascend
But after that, for two years, my freedom came to an end

Even now I know his soul is kind
Or is it because I wanted time to rewind?

Now I'm back again, with a second chance
But I can only see the similarity in your glance

I don't want to make the same mistake as before
Or am I just supposed to have evil in my core?

I did say I wanted a true friend
But will this be the ultimate end?

I prayed that in the future, I'd learn to think twice
But this test is most certainly not nice

So please, don't let me fail this test
Because the continuation of this story, I know the rest.

The word ‘friend’ ends in end
The cracks in my heart will never mend

I’ll push you away, but please stay here
For it is not anger I’m feeling, but only fear

Don’t begin to hate me, like all the others
All their friends and all their mothers

I mess up, and I know you do too
So that gives you no reason to tell me to shoo

The word ‘friend’ ends in end
Please don’t make me go through this again

I thought if I made you smile, you would love me
But now I'm only falling for you more.
My heart aches whenever I think of you
Knowing your love belongs to someone, anyone else
And I convinced myself that maybe in some other world
You would've loved me too
We were only meant to be friends
That's the tragic thing I learned
Now I can only love you from a distance
Like the stars in the night's void
You made me smile every day
And in return I wiped your tears
When I fell you caught me in your arms
Even though I don't know if you actually cared
I just want you to live a happy life
And I would only take away from that
My mind bursts with millions of thoughts a day
So why are you so many of them?
Why did I want this?
I knew it could only end in sorrow.
You're great, but please, just stop.
Stop making me think only of you
Stop making me smile anytime you text
Stop making me fall for you
I am so glad we met
And that's all I can say

She rustles her feathers, fluttering as she twists and tethers.

Three white dots on her tail, wings with bravery that will never fail.

Perched on a high branch to hide from us below; is she really scared, or is it because it's all she know?

With chirps harmonically right, I wonder if they continue throughout the night

With black, beady eyes she views us all, wondering if it's an illusion when she stands tall

She was little once, like we all were. I wonder how much she's had to endure?

But now she is silent, gone, ran from fear, going anywhere to escape from here.

We humans have given her nothing but a scare. How, I wonder, how can this be fair?

You all told me how sorry you were
But what are you apologizing for?
You didn't do anything wrong
So why do you say, "We're so sorry!"
I've heard these words so much they've turned into a blur
So what exactly are you sorry for?

I looked at the "
                         E
                           L
                             I
                              T
                                E
                                  S
                                    "
                                     and then back at
                                                               us,
                                                                    but I could see
                                                                                           N
                                                                                             O
                                                                                                difference.

As a little girl
I was thrown into a science lab for an experiment
As I sat in the corner of the dusty, white walls
Thinking about what my childhood could've been without this detriment
And I was too scared to move
The only words that could come out of my mouth was a lament

And each week the scientists would open the door
And carry me to a new place
And then they'd run tests on me
Sticking needles into my arm and face
Then I'd be returned to the dusty, white walls once more
Being put down on the ground with the coldest embrace

And one day after a failed experiment
I was put back in the room, poorly patched
And my vision blurred, my eyes ringed
And my body slowly crawled to the door and latched
And my dying body pushed it slightly, and it opened
And with my final breath, I realized there was never a lock attached.

I had never met my grandfather
Because he died of a heart attack
And my father got heart medication from the drive-through pharmacy
While I watched calmly from the back
And at the doctor some years ago
They told me there was some foods I'd have to cut back
They both were perfectionists
So with my self-made stress, how can I bounce back?
I'll go my whole life achieving my dreams
Without once looking back
So don't compare me to them, no matter how similar we look
Don't curse me with a heart attack.

I've lived my life in a stagnant position
And I've eternally remained in one place
I've run from all my problems
Never once looked Death in the face

How can I see the whole world
If I'm afraid of taking one step on earth?
Maybe if I throw away this feeling of safety
Then I'll finally feel some mirth

I've wanted so many more opportunities
But when faced with a problem I just twist and weave
I'll never be able to move on and live life
If at first I don't leave

Years of being ignored, seen as a no one
As I watch you and your friends always have fun

Why must you get all the spotlight?
Why must I still give more, even with all my might?

Constant yelling is all I’ve heard
Being seen with me in public is absurd

I’m always discarded, just an outcast
Now, all those times will be my last

She saw me as human, didn’t ignore me
Now, how long till you also see?

I want to share that spotlight with you
If only you allow me to

I also deserve the friends you’ve bonded with
I won’t make this just a myth

Does this mean I’m a bad person?
Does this mean my jealousy has worsened?

Now you and your band begin to sing
But I’ll no longer be watching from the wing

After a dark, gloomy period
The days whipped on by
It was sooner that I thought that
Someone new has caught my eye

He's like a fire, one to admire, so much better than me
I went up to the clouds because I swear he was sent down from above
I waded with the whales to get to his island of love

I swear he is funny and extremely smart
I fear the day that we might be apart

I'm scared to love him
And I'm scared to not
I can't even form a normal thought

There's no need for imagining
Because us two, we'll do everything

I waited for love to catch up to me
Turns out, it's already here

A bird sat on a ledge, calling for air,
“Please, give me merely a share!”

A breeze came and lifted the bird off the ground
The breeze ruffling the bird’s feathers was the only sound

Every day, the bird decided to sit and wait
The bird was drawn to the wind, perhaps even fate

The wind always listened when the world did not
The bird had found something it had always sought

Then one day, dark clouds came and rain poured down
And the wind lunged forwards, without even a frown

At last, the bird saw the wind’s true power
The bird wanted to hide, but the wind didn’t let it cower

The wind ruffled the bird’s feathers as it had done in the past
The bird took off, flying ever so fast

Then the storm passed; the rain was gone
The bird looked at the sun from the ledge it was on

“Wind, let me once again soar!”
But the wind replied no more.

No matter how many times I say our problems can mend
Fate will never let me call you a friend
I told you that loving him would only make you cry
But you didn't listen and kept wanting to try
You put salt in the wound when I bled for you
You gave nothing back when I cared for you
But when I think about you, why do I still care?
When will I find love that's finally fair?
All I wanted was for you to have a life of fun
But like Icarus, I must've flown too close to the sun
Then why did you say you love me?
If I am blind, when could you see so clearly?
I had to comfort you every single day
And in return you make me feel this way?
And I knew I was rereading the same chapter of a book
I was in a trance by that one quick look
I thought you could be the one true friend
But I know how it was going to end
I love you so much more than you think
Even though in the depths of your waters, I'll only sink
I love you, but I hate you so
Now even I don't know if I should go
You'd make my heart beat a little faster
But I don't know if it's love anymore
So if I tried to say "I love you,"
You wouldn't say "you love me more."

When I was told I had to get surgery
I was so scared I'd say something strange when I woke up
And I screamed until I felt a silver of rejoice
In hopes I'd lose my voice.

And when they stuck needles into my body
And my body felt like it could begin to glow
And when I felt euphoria in my arms and chin
That was the most scared I've ever been

If I was someone else, you would've loved me
That's what you told me this morning
And it's my fault we couldn't be
And I fell for you without warning
You said you'd want me
That's all I crave for now
My bad I couldn't see
I was blinded by you somehow
So maybe if I was born before you
My heart wouldn't break
No one will love you as much as I do
How much more can I take?

A bird flying so far away
Admiring every glimpse of day

From the fish in the sea to the trees that stand tall
The free, flying bird admired it all

Then a blast came from two hunters below
She fell to the ground, covered in snow

The humans took her far from her place
Where there was no glimpse of the tree’s grace

Trapped in a cage she sat all day
Wondering when she would again fly far, far away

But her wing was hurt, and couldn’t fly
So she yelled and sobbed and started to cry

But the humans ignored her and walked away,
Opened a door and she saw a glimpse of day

It was her past, where she longed most to go
She was much to weak to attempt to go, so

She sat still, admiring the glimpse of day
And peace, but could no longer fly far, far away

One day, while getting ready, I looked in the mirror
And I saw my legs blow up to twice their size
So I quickly left to change my ripped pants
Wiping away the tears in my eyes

And the next day I returned to this mirror
And my face had a dark shade of red
So I shut all of the windows in my house
And hid under the covers of my bed

And whenever I went out in public
I could swear everyone was looking at me
And I knew I wasn't human anymore
For a monster was all they could see

So I kept my head down
Throwing piles of unfitting clothes on the floor
I would probably grow monster-like tentacles for my arms
Or monster-like claws to scratch all the doors

Then I couldn't stand the sight of me
So I shut off all the lights and shut out the sound
But I could still see about one hundred reflections of myself
In the shattered mirror on the ground.

to the little bird on the side of the road
i’m sorry i crushed you to bits.
i thought you were just so pretty
that i held you in my soft palms
and crushed you
until my hands were stained with red.

to my friend with the little black curls
i’m sorry i gouged your eyes out.
you see, i thought that i could get lost in them
and since i wanted to remain focused
i dug my nails into those sockets
and ripped them out.

to myself, as i write this,
i’m sorry i tore my heart out.
it was beating far too fast
beating far too lovely
and i left a hole in my chest
because i love myself.

to a name i refuse to say ,
i’m sorry you hurt me.
i’m sorry i hurt you, i mean
you left me… untouched
but since i loved you, loved you so very much
i let you go.