She is a medicine that I must take in small doses.
A prescription that I've hated the taste of since I started it years ago.
I can't stop taking it now, we've gone so far together,
And I don't want to cause any issues.
If I take my medicine more often than usual,
She will give me stomach aches.
I hate the taste of my medicine,
But if I take it every once in a while, it's tolerable, and I don't mind it.
Then I think about the fact that I'm taking medicine,
And my body aches once more.
If I don't take it, I'm full of guilt.
If I do take it, I'm full of pain.
She is a prescription that will pain me forever

In, 2, 3, 4
Out, 2, 3, 4
What's this feeling
I just can't ignore?

In, 2, 3, 4
Out, 2, 3, 4
Need to close my eyes
Need to lock the door

5 things I see
4 things I touch
Everything around me
Is just too much

3 things I hear
2 things I smell
I can't seem to breathe
Hear the ringing of a bell

And finally, 1 thing I taste
But I'm anxious still
Let me experience life freely
Or just go in for the ****.

There was a time in my life
Filled with misery and sorrow
But the stories were embarrassing
So I always waited until tomorrow
And I waited alone
For a savior to come
Someone who'd see the knots of youth
And finally make them come undone
But nobody would come
And I was left ignored
So I became loud for attention
Weird, so they wouldn't be bored
Until one day, when revisiting the past
I saw someone totally new
And I had a gut feeling to trust him
But I was scared he would leave me too
But we both loved each other
And I trusted him with all I could see
I said I was scared he'd leave me
But in reality it was me
Then one calm night I decided to tell
About never convincing myself to feel well
About how I was scared I would fail
About my sorrowful childhood tale
And when I said I was scared we'd be apart
He gave me a fragment of his loving heart

Raised by a pair of dragons
Dodging their huffs and puffs of smoke and fire
And if I accidentally step on their tail
I'll burn on my own fiery pyre

And I watch the others with their parents of rabbits
While I'm here, trying not to be burnt
And while I dodge these flames once more
I think about what could've been, was or weren't.

What did that darkness in her eyes really mean?
What have those eyes really seen?

Did they mean a lot of guilt?
An infection not entirely built?

Like her brain had started to melt
Like a decaying flower, slowly to wilt

She closes her eyes, giving up to this embrace
As all her memories in the past begin to erase

I looked at the "
                         E
                           L
                             I
                              T
                                E
                                  S
                                    "
                                     and then back at
                                                               us,
                                                                    but I could see
                                                                                           N
                                                                                             O
                                                                                                difference.

I almost fell down the pit
But I was held up by a thousand strings
I was glad they saved me
But not the pain it brings

It took every muscle to hold me up
For the strings, I had to carry them all
But maybe I want a break
Maybe for once I want to fall

I'm a shaking, crying mess
As the thoughts burn in my skin

I was sick of hiding it all
Everything from two years ago

I trust you enough to tell
And you remained there

Even though the poison is slipping off my tongue
All I can feel is a sweet symphony

But it fades quickly as I expect
For you to laugh and walk away

But you hold me there, in your arms
Even if I'm a shaking, crying mess

Even though my heart had just been ripped apart
You recognized that it could still love

I sit with him under a tree
Where me and her once sat.
We both shared secrets and stories
We'd always talk, no matter where we were at

They both said things I keep in my heart
I can hear their words in the back of my mind
Only one is in the past, and one is now
Will you be the friend I've been longing to find?

Me and her would talk everyday
Until one day she decided to leave
Me and her don't talk everyday
But remembering her won't make me grieve

Our connection is growing fast
You're a person I want to remember
Will this end up like the last?
And will you please be her?

I had never met my grandfather
Because he died of a heart attack
And my father got heart medication from the drive-through pharmacy
While I watched calmly from the back
And at the doctor some years ago
They told me there was some foods I'd have to cut back
They both were perfectionists
So with my self-made stress, how can I bounce back?
I'll go my whole life achieving my dreams
Without once looking back
So don't compare me to them, no matter how similar we look
Don't curse me with a heart attack.

I was looking for a dream in soulless eyes.

You thought that I was just like you
And milked the light from this star
You sold my brightness for profit
And now I wonder how far you are

I thought that you would give me my light back
But you led me into a fire
Lured me in with ink and a page
And now I'm trapped in a burning cage

I watch the stars in the night sky
The ones I once knew
You crush them down to ash
You sell them out for cash

I wanted to be just like you
But that isn't my goal anymore
I will be so much better
Is that what you wanted, too?

I inherited your soulless eyes
Do you see my dream in them?

I push my fear behind my eyes
Further back than I can see
My dream has been eaten by lies
But I am no fig tree

I'm an orange watching my brethren
Ants chewing on their rotting skin
Their future, I was supposed to share in
Their peel, greenish of sin

I'm watching a rotting fig tree
That I know someone must've seen before
I mouth her, she mouths me
Is this all I'm waiting for?

My future may be determined
A rotting orange is all it may be
I thought it was self-determined
But I am no fig tree.

I am not accustomed to feelings of longing
As it is now not from a person

I stand on the creaking logs in the middle of a swamp's river
Balancing to remain afloat

I watch from a distance
Sitting on my rain cloud
As my acid raindrops on your safe haven homeland

I have hidden my heart under these planks
And the beating is like black and yellow sparks
Screaming in my ear
"Now,"
They shriek,
"Now."

I'm like an artist staring at a canvas
The rainbows swirl in my mind
But there is no shadow
There is no story.?

I watch the band from below
I shower them with photos
And they ask me to be there
Again and again

I watch from the wood
Longing to be in the rainbow rain
I describe the floorboards
Because that is all I know.

As a little girl
I was thrown into a science lab for an experiment
As I sat in the corner of the dusty, white walls
Thinking about what my childhood could've been without this detriment
And I was too scared to move
The only words that could come out of my mouth was a lament

And each week the scientists would open the door
And carry me to a new place
And then they'd run tests on me
Sticking needles into my arm and face
Then I'd be returned to the dusty, white walls once more
Being put down on the ground with the coldest embrace

And one day after a failed experiment
I was put back in the room, poorly patched
And my vision blurred, my eyes ringed
And my body slowly crawled to the door and latched
And my dying body pushed it slightly, and it opened
And with my final breath, I realized there was never a lock attached.

You all told me how sorry you were
But what are you apologizing for?
You didn't do anything wrong
So why do you say, "We're so sorry!"
I've heard these words so much they've turned into a blur
So what exactly are you sorry for?

The word ‘friend’ ends in end
The cracks in my heart will never mend

I’ll push you away, but please stay here
For it is not anger I’m feeling, but only fear

Don’t begin to hate me, like all the others
All their friends and all their mothers

I mess up, and I know you do too
So that gives you no reason to tell me to shoo

The word ‘friend’ ends in end
Please don’t make me go through this again

I hope that deer in the road
In the afterlife has fun
I hope those moths by the light
Get an eternity of sun

I hope that lonely old lady
Gets to reunite with her lover
I hope that man who had to sit in the rain
Will always, above his head, have a cover

I hope the rainbow everyone admires when they see
I hope its colors never fade
I hope the dolls the girls wanted
I hope they never stop being made

I hope the ocean waves they splashed in
I hope they never stop being rode
I hope the stories that inspire others
I hope they never stop being told

And I hope when I take my final breath
I get to see that beautiful sky one last time
And I hope this dream is never taken away
Even though it was never mine

Does ignorance equal innocence?

The sun is a lie; the truth is here, inside
Yet you refuse to take your sunglasses off

He has forever treated you kindly
"He's innocent," you say
I show you the proof against him
"He's innocent," you say?

Take your sunglasses off
They're protecting you from the truth
You are ignorant, you are blind
You are living in a lie

Don't let his warming rays touch your heart
He's trying to trick you
He'll warm it up until it boils
And you still wear your sunglasses

He never harmed you specifically
"He did nothing wrong."
I tell you what he did.
"He did nothing wrong."

Does innocence equal ignorance?

I’m drifting down this spiraling hole
My life has been taking a downward toll

These thoughts circle around me, making an ambush
Closing me in, trapping me in this mush

The wind blows my hair forward, but I can’t look back
This abyss is endless, and that is a fact

I close my eyes, darkness remaining still
This jar of guilt, remaining fill

Opening my eyes again, seeing the entrance above
Thousands of feet below the things I once loved

There’s darkness now, and soon later on
The feelings I’ve felt are now all gone

Closing my eyes once more, calmness to protect me
The ones who tried their best, their eyes I couldn’t see

I reach my hand out, asking for one last chance
Their happiness is soothing, my sorrow, a trance

I take a deep breath, and still I lie
As my guilt erases, and my world begins to die

I dream, I dream, I dream
I dream for a life much bigger than this
And for the hope of the Lady Wealth's kiss
To be known by both Mister and Miss
I dream for a life much bigger than this
I want a life with a forever lasting smile
A goal, a dream that'll be worth my while
Sailing across a sea of gold
Knowing there's no other way this can unfold
From now on I'll only be winning
Just you wait, this is just the beginning
I don't dream of love
I don't dream of health
I don't dream of fame
I don't dream of wealth
I won't cross paths with the black cat's hiss
Because I dream of a life much bigger than this
I've dreamt of a life much bigger than this
I'm dreaming of a life much bigger than this
This is my redemption, myself I will redeem
I dream, I dream, I dream

I convinced myself that I would be the one to leave
But it turns out it was him
And I prayed each night that he wouldn't go
But I've never been able to win
What happened to every good morning text you sent?
What happened to asking if I'm okay?
It's so obvious we loved each other
Then what did you mean today?
What happened to me being your favorite person?
What happened to losing sleep for me?
And if you say I did nothing wrong
I'll still believe we were never meant to be
You said there's nothing wrong with me
You just find the situation draining
But I don't wish you to be sad
And don't you think I am paining
I've found a new independence
No longer will I have to hide anymore
And yes, I'll still be sad
But it'll never be able to touch my core
So don't take pity on me
And don't see yourself as dumb
I may not reply as much anymore
But that's because I've found my own freedom

i was “born” without lungs
gasping for air
and while they grieved for me
i pushed air throughout my body.

june 20, 2024, 6pm.
you did the bare minimum
and i have been obsessed with you.
months. you, of all people.
and when i have told my friends they said
“him, of all people?”

april 29, 2025 and many days before that
my friends called me a *****.
that word is red and bold and ****** and italic and underlined and highlighted and- *****.
im 14.?
to all the mothers out there- god(?) bless your hearts,
how would you imagine
your daughter
a *****? (i know im not, but what am i if not society’s opinions?)

…November (?) 2021 until now (every moment every second of my waking and sleeping being)
i think about it.
i think about him.
he should be in jail
and he probably has a girlfriend
a wife
kids
by now.
i’ll never forget what that “man” ( if you can even call him that ) did to me
and i wonder if i told my friends
*****-callers!
what he did to me
i wonder what their faces would say
i want to see them shocked and cry and apologize for calling me a ***** (because i am not a ******* *****!!)

…the things which i held in my palm
as a young child (was i a ***** then, did i come out of the womb “asking for it?”)
always seemed so large
but they are specks of sparkling stardust in my hands now
they seem so small. (were they always?)

I AM SICK AND TIRED (only a ***** would be tired) OF EVERYONE ELSE GETTING WHATEVER THE **** THEY WANT BECAUSE EVERYONE ELSE HAS DETERMINED THAT THEY DESERVE THAT.
i wonder how many of our lives are determined by how others think of us
i wonder how many of us are others
society is not a singular being but something that is inside all of us
we are all society
(so you can all be ****** too.)
(or maybe just me.)
(just me.)
(me.)
-

-a something-year-old *****.

I'm glad that it was me.

When the moon turned dark
And you didn't know what you wanted to be
When you hadn't left your mark
I put the blame on me

When the scale started to tilt
And blood was all I could see
I watered your flower to not wilt
And kept mine away from the sea

In the silence between heartbeats
There's a loyalty I must keep
No matter how much I bleed
No matter how much I weep

And when you cause me pain
It means nothing
Because although you understand me
I guess that means something

If I hadn't been blamed
For something I didn't do
If you had been blamed instead
Who knows what you would do

I will carry this pain from mountain to fjord
If it means you will succeed
If it means that you are alive today
Then I know it was meant to be.

I'm glad that it was me.

Where would I be without that smile of yours?
Where would I be without your guiding words?
  Where would I be without your stabbing swords?
   Where would I be?

    So maybe in some other universe, everything would be right
     And I'm holding on to something, but it's one thing
     And I'm holding on with all my might
    So maybe in some other universe, things would be alright

   And I know I'll never forget you
  And in my stomach it'll never sit right
And God, I hope you know
How much I loved you so

I thought if I made you smile, you would love me
But now I'm only falling for you more.
My heart aches whenever I think of you
Knowing your love belongs to someone, anyone else
And I convinced myself that maybe in some other world
You would've loved me too
We were only meant to be friends
That's the tragic thing I learned
Now I can only love you from a distance
Like the stars in the night's void
You made me smile every day
And in return I wiped your tears
When I fell you caught me in your arms
Even though I don't know if you actually cared
I just want you to live a happy life
And I would only take away from that
My mind bursts with millions of thoughts a day
So why are you so many of them?
Why did I want this?
I knew it could only end in sorrow.
You're great, but please, just stop.
Stop making me think only of you
Stop making me smile anytime you text
Stop making me fall for you
I am so glad we met
And that's all I can say

When I was told I had to get surgery
I was so scared I'd say something strange when I woke up
And I screamed until I felt a silver of rejoice
In hopes I'd lose my voice.

And when they stuck needles into my body
And my body felt like it could begin to glow
And when I felt euphoria in my arms and chin
That was the most scared I've ever been

Back then, I thought I was making the right decision
If only back then I had my present vision

If only I hadn't done that, my life would begin anew
Numerous more opportunities I would've gotten to

I don't want to think of it as a regret, but a way to ascend
But after that, for two years, my freedom came to an end

Even now I know his soul is kind
Or is it because I wanted time to rewind?

Now I'm back again, with a second chance
But I can only see the similarity in your glance

I don't want to make the same mistake as before
Or am I just supposed to have evil in my core?

I did say I wanted a true friend
But will this be the ultimate end?

I prayed that in the future, I'd learn to think twice
But this test is most certainly not nice

So please, don't let me fail this test
Because the continuation of this story, I know the rest.

I remember being alone, stuck in the mud
I remember my hands being stained with red blood
And even when the times got tough
My hard work was never enough
I'm not as perfect as you all see
My whole life I've just been trying to be free
My whole life I've waited to shine
But I'm still waiting for the right time
To you, I'm all a secret
But I'm a stranger, can you feel it?
I guess I'm so used to pain
That I'll take it over warm, summer rain
And when I have to deal with all listed above
There's a weight on my shoulders, that some call love
I've been waiting for something new
And right on my doorstep appears you
I'm running to a place way long gone
I don't even know what I am running from
But I do know I'd run 100 miles, back and to
Just so I could get one look at you
But even if I'm with you and your artists
That is not truly where my heart is
All my memories of the past are fake
I threw them in the thousand-feet deep lake
What was I even supposed to do?
I didn't know what I got myself into