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Malia Mar 2
You’re right—
I’m just making excuses.
Why am I so 𝘵𝘪𝘳𝘦𝘥
All of the time?

“You get more sleep
Than 99 percent
Of your friends,”
You said.

So doesn’t that mean
I am supposed to be

“Be happy,”
I say to myself
In my head.

I am supposed to be

But I am not,
And all I have left
Is excuses.

And yet,
Why do I look for more?

I want somebody
To tell me
That you are not right.

But I know you are.
xjf Sep 2023
I look at the sky and everything is clear
I turn to the sun
and am forced to remember
I am human

Squinting and scrunched
the tranquility is gone
My eyes pinch my mind
and again
These days become long
gbye Aug 2023
i feel like potential is dripping out of the tips of my fingers
golden ochre spilling across every surface
staining everything it touches
marks and scar of waste to show that all i do is fail
use it use it use it
make use of this potential before it leaves you, my mind screams
use it use it use it
so i do i do i do
and slowly ochre turns to a shimmering bronze
i can't pay it any mind
Eyithen Nov 2022
Loss of Motivation. Check.
2. Procrastinating. Check.
3. Lowering Grades. Check.
4. Health Problems. Check.
5. Exhaustion/Lack of Energy. Check.

I can't help but stare at the F.
Like a crime scene photo of the ****** of my grades.
I missed classes. Deadlines.
Struggled with anxiety and depression.
And yet even though I am haunted by these feelings.
I can't bring myself to care.
I thought it was so many things.
but perhaps I have just fizzled out.
It just me.
My problem.
There's no foul play,
My brain just decided to commit academic suicide.
We threw the toaster into the bathwater,
and jumped right in.
moss Nov 2022
no matter how far I've come
how much I've been doing better
I always return and succumb
to this deep and chronic fetter

the darkness slowly creeps back in
too tired, to scared, to restless
maggots wriggling under my skin
psyche becoming monstrous

I know the feeling all too well
like an old friend I can't let go
encasing me in a protective shell
personally fitted not to show

I find I've changed drastically
yet still not much at all
just a child dreaming fantastically
a forest fairy in the fall

the more I learn to love myself
the less I'm fond of others
a dress up doll atop a shelf
with poor emotional buffers

I wonder what it's like to live
as oblivious as you are
what it feels like not to give
your years to itchy scars
kyla marie Sep 2022
I’m faking it just to stay on top
of everything I’ve buried
****** desire

I can’t stay on top of it all like this
it slips out in waves
and when I try to let myself submerge in my emotions

I drown

and sink


deep down

until that morning alarm clock rings.
fueled by burnout, lack of intimacy and passion, and a whole bunch of things I need to talk about in therapy.
Eve K Jun 2022
I'm surfing, along the coastline.
The waves pulling me in, my strength pushing me out.
Music in one ear, shouting in the other.
I breathe, a breath of salty air. It settles in my lungs and I choke.
Sometimes the salt can clear the alveoli and make it easier to breathe,
But not today.

Today the air is heavy. Clouds pour down single droplets but when altogether, it is a storm. The wind howls, burning my ears. Whispering that it's all too much.

I crave a fall into the ocean, pulled out to sea. It's become too much and I'm drowning.
But I'm not drowning. I float. I float with tears mixing into the salty water. I can feel the undercurrent begging me to come down to it so it can pin me down to the sea bed where I can hold my last breath and breath again.
But it's not breathing it's drowning and the thought makes me thrash around and I panic.
So instead, I panic on top of the water, thrashing and jerking around desperately trying not to drown.

The skies will become clear again. The stormy skies will reveal the blue which is always there. The stars are still shining underneath the despairing clouds. They are always there, just hidden at times.

All I have to do is breathe with the waves and stay afloat till the storm goes away.
over the past few years, I have experienced so many things as a nursing student working in a rest home and now the hospital. There's days, weeks, months where I struggle. The emotional overload of having to see the worst positions people are in. Sometimes it's hard to find hope again in these times. Especially when surrounded by death and despair and dying. It's not going to get easier but that's why I become more resilient. But it's also important to take moments when things are too tough to just sit with the feelings. Otherwise I will drown.
Megitta Ignacia Apr 2022
malam ini,
si bocah rewel berhenti menyamar
pikirannya terlalu gerah
jiwanya renta, terkekang
tempurung dahi hanya terisi geram
kantong kapuk bersaksi
atas tangis kelelahan tanpa suara

ia sempat doyan bekerja
berpayah-payah memunguti kerikil
satu demi satu
tiap pijakannya bukan tindakan acak
menempa diri demi bilangan

kini yang tersisa
hanya pendar-pendar ambisi & setungku kekosongan menjemukan
Ia berkutat pada teka teki yang tersuguh manis
mencari pembebasan yang sepadan
berharap segera merdeka dari jerat alur yang mengikat keras

berlumuran lamunan
ia berserah, membakar doa
sambil melempar akal
'adakah satu dari seluruh umat manusia yang masih belum paham, kita ini gerombolan wayang bukan dalang!'
080422 | 00:01 Anjani itu salah satu nama tokoh pewayangan yang artinya ketekunan. Dari bawah selimut, tempat tidur di kosan gunung talang lantai 3, AC dingin banget, diluar panas banget. Hari-hari ini sedang benar-benar burnt out. I work 7-days-a-week, Masuk early & pulang paling malem dibanding orang lain, and achieve a tremendous result, but I'm tired & apperently nothing can be done from company side. Praying for new - better -more relaxed job soon. I can't do this anymore. Balik lagi, pada ahirnya kita bisa punya banyak may tapi Tuhan yang atur apa, dimana, gimana, kapan yg terbaik buat kita. I know the blessings are coming, just need to surrender to God💆
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