+Dedicated to Daniel "The Denver Connection" Steven Moskowitz,+
You gotta believe me,
I blazed a j with Jeffy Sessions,
But the bastard will never admit it.
It was some real good,
14% THC and 7% CBD,
So our thoughts were all over the place.
I started "Lost Boys,"
By the Deathy Gripz,
And he loosened his belt.
He told me about growing up,
In the most biodiverse state in the nation,
Eating nothing but white bread,
And his papa,
Never luvin' him.
His big bug eyes popped out,
And he got down on his knees,
Pretending like he was gobbling the cock,
Of the Kochy Bros,
And told me of his visions,
Floating over the Rockies,
Toward the Alabama pine lands.
"We're gonna get 'em all,
We're gonna arrest all the weed smokers,
And those fucking hippies,
Those gas protestors,
Compost faggots and,
He fondled his cufflinks.
Them eyes were blazing red like some sort of,
Lumberjack let loose in the Home Depot garden section,
And for a minute I thought I saw Lucifer,
But then I realized,
It was simply the duality of man.
Inside of all of us,
Rattlin' against the cage.
I was hooting the entire time,
Tape recorder in hand,
Wondering if this was good enough for Assange,
Or just to keep,
For my private enjoyment.
In the end,
It became a bizarre poem,
It's such a long way,
Here's some homework howlers,
By hilarious pupil terrors,
"An octopus has eight testicles."
Did I read that with my spectacles?
"Mozart sailed to Vietnam." For how long?
Why is there a clavichord in the Mekong?
"Rome is now in Africa." Do tell,
Didn't you learn map-reading too well?
"Mummy and Daddy's fave place is bed."
Do your parents really want this read?
Are these mud-coloured glasses, or what?
How did I survive teaching this lot?
It's hard to take them too serious,
Homework howlers, hilarious!
He is probably the best and worst person you have ever known.
Some days he is the most amazing person you will ever talk to and the next he is punching you in the arm and calling you ugly as fuck.
He has many flaws, just as everyone does, but what he lacks in subtlety and kindness he makes up for in humor and perfectly timed ignorance.
He could make you pee laughing, then 10 minutes later have you crying in the bathroom stalls at school.
He can make you feel wanted, respected, beautiful, important, desired, funny, kind, altogether amazing, and take it all away with one word.
He is the most important person in your life, even when he is telling you that you're a piece of shit and making you hold back the tears because you don't wanna show the weakness that he wants to see.
You know he is probably the worst person to be around because he hurts your friends and almost never tells you the truth but you can't seem to get over him.
The only time he doesn't make you feel special on accident is when he is trying to get something out of you.
You've tried to help your friends out of situations just like this where their crush treated all their friends like shit and you told them it was wrong and they needed to stop and you didn't understand when they told you they couldn't even though they were trying a shard as they could to stop liking the bastard, until now.
The only difference between your crush and your friend's is that her crush treated her like the world and only smack-talked her friends, yours treats you like everyone else yet you can't stop doing what you have hated all of your friends for doing and you feel like a hypocritical little prick because your guy best friend literally cries at night because your crush bullies him every day and he hates it.
So do you and you have asked your friend what's wrong with him but he won't tell you anything but his name and you crumble inside.
You have tried your hardest and asked the nicest you could, you even did everything he asked you for a day just so he wouldn't lie to you for the rest of your life.
He still does.
And you still like him.
And you still hate him.
And you still beg him.
And you still ask him.
And All He Says Is "Oh".
Diary of my dreams
golden harp, treasured soul
thank you for drying my tears
when I am loosing control
In our private cloud
devious secrets we share
with your lullaby, safer I feel
and all my shadows disappear
Dear sis, wild velvet heart
I cherish every second, every word...
Your hilarious wind and wise glow
inspire me to fly high wherever I go
In a quirky world we found each other
maybe it was meant to be...
You make me proud, you make it worth
moon and star forever we will be.
© Christina Philipe
I inserted a suppository right after I had been using super glue.
My hand is stuck in my butt and I don't know what I'm going to do.
When I went to the hospital, the doctors and nurses laughed.
They were in hysterics from laughter and they called me daft.
When they laughed, it offended me so I kicked the doctors below the belt.
They kicked me out and blacklisted me because they didn't like how it felt.
Because of my problem, I can't drive a car or ride my bike.
I can't afford a taxi so to get to places, I have to hitchhike.
The drivers also laugh and I have to slap them to make them keep their mouths shut.
It's been three years and I don't think I'll ever be able to get my hand out of my butt.
Lovecraft, how you ink such artful verses
Suspiciously auspicious, yet undoubtedly so liked
I aspire to your mystique, as I'm hounded by poetic curses...
Sundays on the ranch are somethin',
Just after morning chores are done,
I head up to the house on a dead run,
I've called the herd and put the buckets out,
Fed the chickens, called the horse, "Old Son,"
Heard the rooster yammering at the rising sun;
Old dog is baying loud to add some fun....
Meanwhile, at the house,
The wife has rattled up the kids and lined em out,
When I come in, they clear the bathroom out,
So I can get a shave and morning shower,
And off we'll head to church in half an hour.
Or so we think....
It's then the neighbor calls to say our milk cow's swinging by,
Bell clanking off-step time to her butter-churning udder,
"She's headed north toward town!" he chortles mirth,
"Maybe she wants to hear old Pastor Perth!" I mutter.
All jokes aside, I hang the phone and grab my cap,
We pile in the truck to try and get her back....
We have a chance if we can turn her 'round above the hill....
Why is it Sundays sweet Dolly becomes such a pill?
A simple rule of nature I wish I could avoid,
Is if a plan is put in place, as sure as Lloyd,
Our Guernsey chooses then to go out on a spree,
And Pastor Perth in town prays extra hard for me.
The only time id eat a ginger bread man
I huff and I puff
And I blow nothing down
There ain't nothin but a couch and some Doritos I could even knock down
Couldn't hurt a fly
But I might blow smoke in your eye
So nice so fly
Man I'm high as the sky
Where am I?
At the store craving some s'mores
I like twix too
Don't call me a Jew
We all have fun
But we're too high to run