There are so many things
That I could do
To prove that I'm in love with you
But why would I do them?
You never did 'em
And I know that you love me
So you should also know that
I love you
Without me trying to prove it
By doing those things 4u
Even though I could do anything 4u

My love
4u
Is crystal clear and visible
For the whole world to see
That you're the only one for me
For them to be jealous of us
That I got someone that loves me so
And that you got a gyal that could do anything
4u.

Dear Mr. Moore,

I'm not going to tell you
That I know what's best for you
Though I may
I'll only tell you that I'm here
To support you
And show that I care
To comfort you
When no one else is there
To wait on you
And be a listening ear.

You don't have to hold it in
Your doubts
Your insecurities
You don't have to hide
Your troubles
Your worries
You can tell me
No one else will hear it
I promise
You are not alone
You know I'll listen
To all your stories.

You know I'd never judge
Cause I don't know a thing
About the way the world works
I have no experiences
I am just a young foolish girl
Who is now attached to your presence
Maybe I could help you
Maybe I couldn't.

All I want is to make it easier for you
If you ask me why
Even I do not have a single clue
There is no hidden motive
Or agenda behind the things I do
Before I even knew you
There was something there
Pulling me to you.

So don't be scared
And don't pretend
At least not with me
Cause I'm here to make it easier for you
So you should make it easier for me.

It's funny how I love to hear the words;
When you say you love me,
My heart beats so fast - it's abnormal,
My smile gets so wide - it's illegal,
My mouth has to be covered so tight,
Cause saying "I love you" is a normal response to you.

It's funny how I love to hear the words;
But I can't say them back to you.
It's a promise that's too difficult to keep;
A commitment that I can't get trapped in;
And I'm sorry you have to suffer for my insecurities,
But I guess you should find consolation in the fact that it hurts me;
Cause that's the only gift I can currently give,
And that *****.

Anger is not a strange emotion
It isn't foreign
It's familiar territory
To feel my blood boiling till my ecosystem is vibrating
From the adrenaline
Gotten from the feeling
This feeling that I'm used to
This feeling that helps me push
All the ones that care away
This anger that brings nothing beautiful
Only destruction and ashes.

Not ev-ree-wún can put words down
In stanzas and lines
And make them rhyme.

Not ev-ree-wún will pour out
Their hearts on a page
To clear out the rage.

Not ev-ree-wún wants to write
When they are in pain
Depressed or afraid.

Not ev-ree-wún can be honest
With themselves
And write about how they feel
About something or someone else​
Or even themselves.

Not ev-ree-wún can be creative
Not ev-ree-wún can tell the truth
Not ev-ree-wún can be a pow-it.

I want to kiss you
I'm attracted to you
But I don't like you
I don't want to be with you
I just want to use you
Until I'm satisfied
Then I can leave you
Without second thoughts.

You thought I'd be blinded -
By your charm,
And your smooth talk.
You thought you could deceive;
Little naïve me.

But what you don't know is that;
I am a poet,
A master of deception.
I hide behind words on a daily.
I can read between your;
Sweet words and;
Sugary sentences.
So please try your lines,
On someone else;
That will be easier to bewitch.
Bogus words,
Don't fool me,
Not anymore.

Retrogressing.
          Always stressing.
For no reason.
          But you don't realize it,
                       Or do you?
Do you willingly overwork yourself over nothing?
Do you make plateaux out of plains?
Make an ocean out of a little rain?
Because I don't see them;
The things you see;
The roadblocks that stopped you,
That made you halt,
That made you give up.

All I see is a boy;
Not ready for what life has to offer;
A child still being fed with milk.
All I see is an individual;
That wants to be free,
But doesn't know what it means;
To be truly free.
You have liberty but call it;
Freedom!
No one is ever free,
Not you, not me.
Not even the wealthiest man, you see?
He's tied down with maybe health issues;
And the greed for even more money.

Retrogressing.
          Always stressing.
For no reason.
          But you do realize it,
                      Don't you?
You know that the only way to get through,
Is to fortify yourself,
Get rid of fear,
And bulldoze your way through;
All the invisible roadblocks;
Life placed in front of you.
They were only placed there;
To strengthen you.

To be able to save someone,
When you need to be saved.
To help someone live,
Despite the suicidal thoughts in your brain.
That right there to me,
Is the true definition of strength.

I wait all day for the train,
But it has been delayed.
I sit a few feet from the tracks,
As time just slips away.

I finally escaped,
But my getaway,
Hasn't come to take me away.

And my past will soon catch up to me,
I guess I'll never truly be free.

You molded me,
Into the shape you wanted me to be,
To be perfect for you.
When I finally met those expectations,
You changed them and left me,
For a younger girl that was me before you.
And you gave her your love,
Your time,
Your affection.

I hated you for a while,
But then I found someone,
Who loves me for the way I am now -
The me after you.
He even loves me more than you ever could.
So I guess I should thank you,
For making a diamond out of mere carbon atoms,
For someone who understands the value to cherish forever.

It's been a while
I know
I remember
It's just that time flies so fast
And somehow I lost myself
And my bearings
And my visions
These days I wake up and I forget to pray
My thoughts immediately flying to all the things that need to be done
Problems that need to be solved
But in the midst of it
It became too much
So I ran
And now I'm back

I missed you
You were my source of release
The lifter of these burdens
Did you miss me?
Did you miss hearing me whine?
About every little thing?
Did you miss the way I would twist my words until they sang a deliberate melody?
I hope you did
Cause I missed you
And hopefully I'm back for good.

I never really learnt how to act around you.
That was because there was no acting involved.

Our connection was natural;
With you I was comfortable.

You saw beauty where no one else did,
And that's why I think of you -
When my eyes are closed and I silently pray;
For a dreamless sleep.

I think of you when it's wrong,
I think of you when I shouldn't.

As we develop new feelings,
The old ones are never fully shaken off;
They bury themselves deep down in our hearts.
It is a blessing and yet a curse;
Beautiful yet ugly.
As we continue to develop feelings for different people,
It suddenly becomes confusing;
And to love becomes tiring.

I hide my feelings
Intermittently
Under a juvenile behavior
I am but a child
But only in the eyes of fools.

Wise men see what's beneath
The unspoken words covered up in a heartbeat
They learn to watch more; say less
They understand there's more to things than meets the eye
They see through the facade
But give no comment
They wait for the right time
To dig up the whole truth
Then they wipe your eyes when you cry
Hold you together when you breakdown
Raise you up when you hit the ground

Somehow I'm surrounded by only fools
No one can be blamed for this but me
For the kind of company I chose to keep.

You think this will be funny
But it's not
The title misleads
Might as well move on.
If you choose to stay
Then it's your choice
But remember I didn't promise
To make your jaw hurt.

Honesty!
What is this concept?
Does it mean saying what the other person wants to hear
Or...
Or saying what actually happened.
And if this thing called 'honesty' is a good thing,
Then why does it make me feel this way?

How can he not love me anymore?
How can he just walk out the door?
Like all this time means nothing
Like I was just a silly game to play.

I never promised this would be funny
But my life's a joke so
Let's toast.

When I was lost,
Grace found me.
I was in grave danger,
Grace secured me.
Had nothing to eat,
Grace provided for me.
Had no one to wipe my tears,
Grace comforted me.
When I was alone,
Grace was there for me;
Grace befriended me;
Grace was in me;
Grace was on me;
Grace surrounded me.

When I wanted to give up,
Grace saved me.
When I wanted to let go,
Grace held me;
Jesus held me.

I'm so happy
I could grow a tail right now
I'm so belated
I could die without regrets right now

There's a spirit softly whispering,
Into the hearts of all the people I love,
Convincing them to ignore me.

I've never felt more alone.

I'm in the midst of people but it don't feel like it. I feel lonely because you're not here and I don't like it. When I need to talk to you most you're not there. I don't tell you how it feels because I know you wish you were here. I don't want to add to your burdens, I want to be your safe place. But I also need you beside me so all my insecurities will erase. I really need you but I'd never let you see, I know you need me too but for now you can't be with me. I don't know how long I can stay with these feelings of loneliness that build up when I can't talk to you for extended periods of time. But I hope it's long enough to see me through the tough times and till I can hold you in my arms.

If you see my lover
Tell him that I didn't mean
To hurt him
Or break his heart
Or tear us apart
It's just one of those things
That happen
When you least expect it
When you're at your weakest
It was just a mistake
I regretted it.

If you see my lover
Tell him I'm ready to grovel
At his feet
Do whatever it takes
To make things right with him
It's hard to admit
But I can't tell
Where I start and he finishes
He is my everything.

I'm scared to write;
Cause I know the words;
"I messed up really bad"
Will come out of nowhere.

Oops!
It just did.

I feel like I'm in limbo;
I'm a mess.
I messed up something good,
Something great.
I think about it and my eyes water;
I think of what's going to happen next;
And I involuntarily shudder.

I put myself first for once.
It doesn't feel like I put myself first.
I feel like I just convinced myself.
I convinced myself to destroy;
My source of happiness;
Laughter;
Inner peace.

I messed up really bad.
The deed is done.
This time there's no turning back;
But *******,
I messed up really bad.

I'm lying down,
Facing the ceiling.
Pulse slow,
Heart in hand.
I search for answers that I can't seem to find,
Even in the deepest, darkest corners of my mind.
Memories I have no right to keep,
Torture me as I wait for sleep -
To come,
To carry me from my wild thoughts.
I ask myself so many WHYs and WHAT IFs,
I tell myself I deserve everything -
The pain,
The sorrow,
The longing.
So I accept it willingly,
The punishment my mind gives my body -
To lie here,
Facing the ceiling,
Tossing and turning.

I stay awake all night as I watch the world sleep.
Morning comes and the dark circles deepen.
As a reminder that I took away my own peace.

Is love an illusion or is it real?
Are these just hormones or is it something supernal I feel?
Have I been fooled by the stories in books and on TV screens?
Or are they proof that love does exist.

At first I thought,
I believed -
Poetry is effortlessly flawless;
Happy and perfect;
Verses and rhymes;
Beautiful and sublime -
I mean
I am rhyming right now,
Aren't I?
I thought reading poetry could make you walk on sunshine.

I was so far from the truth.

I mean poetry is all that,
But it's not just that,
It can't be.
True poetry tells the story of a poet -
His happiness,
Her pain.
You can tell when he's drunk in love,
And when she's drugged up on hate.
True poetry makes your heart skip;
One beat;
Two beats;
Three beats;
Four.
It can turn the sweetest thing sour.

True poetry can make you glad when you're sad,
But it can also make you sad when you're glad.
You can relate to it;
You understand the poet;
He reminds you that the world isn't filled with dark days,
She teaches you that sometimes everyone will desert you.
He found someone to take his pain away,
But she was unlucky and life gave her limes.

I know you know that true poetry speaks the truth,
Because only the truth can truly speak to you.
No matter what facade you keep up,
True poetry will seek out the real you.
And that is who I write for.

Insecurities chew me down like I chew my nails when insecurities chew me down.

I cry.
I won't lie.
I won't hide.
I won't justify.

It's my life.
I can be sad when I want to;
Mad when I want to;
Glad when I want to -
Be.
I'm expressing myself,
You'll see only what you want to see,
Believe only what you choose,
View it from your own perspective.

Put yourself in my shoes;
Just for a minute.
Can you fill them?
No!
So don't judge me as if;
You would react better;
To all the circumstances;
If you were me.
I'm tougher than you could ever dream to be;
So look away and don't give any judgemental words to me.

I know that I'm loved
But it's not so often that I feel so loved by those around me
I know that I'm loved
But there's just so many burdens and no one there to remind me
But today,
I knew it
I felt it
Something so tangible
I cried because of it
I laughed because of it
Long
Hard
It's like the whole year was set up for this day
Conveniently at the close of the year
Like a kind of mini-evaluation
That I gave my best when I could
I loved as hard as I should
I was there for people when it mattered
And my days were not time wasted on the flimsy distractions that life sets up for us.

Seeing those messages,
Despite the ardous task of replying them all
Didn't make me happy,
Oh no!
The word seems too simple
Too ephemeral to describe this
Seeing all those messages
Was like a reminder that I do matter
And the little things I do or say matters
That I'm loved for me, every version right till this moment
And every other version that follows till Christ comes
I'll stop here because this is getting too long
It's sounding more like a Taylor Swift song
Lol.

In all, I just wanted to thank you.
For being here, for knowing me
For showing love
I appreciate you❤️

I hide when I should fight,
Fight when I should hide.
I cry when I should smile,
Smile when I should cry.
I retreat when I should attack,
Attack when I should retreat.

Sighs

I'm lost,
I want to be found.
I'm stuck,
I want to move around.
This goop keeps holding me,
Within this circumference;
In this perimeter;
Hidden beneath shawls.

Life is hard.
You'll never get what you want,
Or wish for,
Or deserve,
All life gives you is lemons-
Lemons and limes.

Look what you did to her
Look how you changed
Her perspective
Her logic and reasoning
See the effect you have on her
She's better
She's stronger
She's the weak kid no longer
You fell in love and left your mark on her
Look how good you are for her
Look how good you've been to her
See how she shines when she's with you
Just because she's next to you
Even after she broke you
You still let her stand by you
Look how strong you are
See how in love you are
You bury your pain when you're with her
Because her presence is bittersweet
It brings mixed emotions with it
You're devastated that you don't have her
You're belated that you still have her
You're happy cause she is too
Because all her dreams are coming true
She never told you but it's because of you
Because she unwillingly let go of you
But you didn't let go too
She prays everyday for you
That you'll find someone new
That will let you finally let go of her
Without actually letting go of her
Because she was never really good for you.

It's funny how you're not here and yet the first person I think of,
When I wake up,
Is you.

It's annoying when every single thing,
Even a random word,
Reminds me of you.

Is this healthy?
I can't tell,
But it's pretty overwhelming.

I shouldn't beat myself up but that's exactly what I do,
When I realize,
That I've been thinking of you.

Not that it's a bad thing,
Unless I think of you so much,
It causes brain damage.

But I know that if you think of me,
As much as I think of you,
Then I wouldn't mind being a vegetable,
With you.

I was skeptic;
As I watched his mask fade away.
I was victimized;
But it was hardly my fault.
Some people are just experts at hiding;
There are no visible cracks in their camouflage.
Their voices are so mellifluous;
You can never really discern the lies.

I found out the hard way;
That I fell in love with the ghost of the shadow of a boy that I thought I knew,
That I gave my whole life to.
I thought he loved me too,
But I was just a tool;
To help him assure himself;
That he had the capability to love still.
Or lust.
Deceiving himself as well as me;
Knowing all along that his feelings were unreal.
His actions were trompe-l’oeil;
His words were fabricated.

I’m in love with the ghost of the shadow of a boy that I thought I knew.
Turns out that when the truth was revealed I became the fool.
It didn’t really matter that I had a heart;
The fact that I was innocent didn’t really change things;
Somehow I ended up in front of a loaded gun;
Because the boy I loved;
Turned out to have a completely different set of flaws;
Flaws that I was completely unaware of.

All I can do is pray as I am positioned
Between the barrel of a loaded gun and the boy I thought I knew.
My hands shaking as it slowly dawned on me,
The realisation that I would be shot at just to get back at
The ghost of the shadow of a boy that I fell in love with,
But he isn’t real.
The boy himself doesn’t feel.
But the one who will pull the trigger cannot see it;
He thinks the boy that used me loves me.

What frustrates me is fact that the boy won’t tell the truth.
The boy that I blindly loved the ghost of his shadow;
He still wants to believe that he has a heart;
That it’s still there;
That it can be shattered;
If the trigger is released.
But it won’t.
Because there’s nothing left to break
And once the deed is done,
The only thing that will be destroyed
Is my brain.

I will become a memory,
For the ghost of the shadow of a boy that I fell in love with
To either cherish or forget;
But he is fabricated.
So the boy I thought I loved,
The one that was hidden from me,
Will completely forget me,
Because regret is not something
He will ever feel.

I never experienced true love;
And genuine happiness;
Outside the loving arms of my family.
Home is where the heart is;
And my heart is in their midst;
Where laughter and togetherness exists.
They are my ride-or-dies;
My besties;
I'll love them till I expire.

My words are like knives;
Most of the time -
They pierce you;
They are the unwanted truths.

My words are like candy;
Some other times -
They are sugary;
They get me what I want.

My words are inspirational;
When the need be -
They are like fire;
They warm up your heart.

My words are powerful;
And influential -
They command respect;
They cannot be ignored.

...
     "This isn't who you are."

    "You're not the girl I used to know."

   "I don't know who you've become."

He repeats these lines
So much these days
It annoys me more than
A broken record ever could
Ever should
Ever would
Cause I told him
I warned him thoroughly

     "I'm not nice."

    "You won't like the real me."

   "I'm not worth fighting for."

But he didn't listen
He filled my head with empty
Promises that he meant
He filled my heart with hollow
Vows that he could never fulfill

     "How can a person be so cold?"

    "How can a lady be so cruel?"

   "How can you change so fast?"

He looks hurt and
I hurt a little
But I shut down
Cause that's what I always do

     "I'm nefarious, lover."

    "Had my heart broken a few times."

   "Now it's made of stone."

This ache in my heart
I wish it was nociceptive
I wish it was fleeting
I wish it would pass
But it won't
It'll continue to torment me
Until I've lost myself
In the negativity
It offers.

To the one I love
That my words have hurt
I apologize
It's not my fault.
I probably didn't think them through
I honestly never meant them to
Be like knives to you
I'm sure the hurt you felt
Distinguished the light in your eyes
Even for a moment
And I sincerely apologize.
It's not something I tend to do
I don't derive pleasure from seeing you
Hurt and fragile
In denial
Fighting with your demons
With blank stares and glazed eyes.
I never meant to cause you pain
But I know I did
Cause something flashed in your eyes
The moment the words escaped my lips without a second thought
I recognize the hatred in your gaze
It made me sick.

I'm so sorry.

Open up your heart
Love is waiting
To get in...

The plan was to be independent
I had my goals written down
My priorities were in check
I was going to follow through
And achieve what I had to in the end
But then **** happened
And my ascetic side was left for dead

All my dreams I trapped in a mausoleum
My spurious persona was in the lead
My new ambitions were kaleidoscopic
They were all wants and never needs
Something new always grabbed my attention
Once I had achieved a thing
Slowly but surely I was being drowned
By deceit and greed

And one day I searched myself and could not find me
I did not see the me that was a visionary
I had missed my way and that was clear to see
I was already in the depths of the ocean of sin when it finally dawned on me

At this point even self-love couldn't save me
And self-hatred couldn't change me
Even self-will couldn't revive me
So I found a coping mechanism
To help me live with my atrocities
Under the ocean of sin.

I don't watch the news on TV;
Or listen to it on the radio.
I skip it in my timeline;
I hide it from my mail.
I don't read the newspaper;
I don't listen to the gossip.
I shut my eyes and ears;
Because all news is bad news.

Last time I checked;
There was an earthquake -
Lives were lost;
Properties were destroyed.
Last time I checked;
The war was raging -
The greed of men blinded;
Their conscience and humanity.
Last time I checked;
Racialism was still salient -
Discrimination everywhere you turn;
Dark-skinned  hoi polloi screaming "BLACK LIVES MATTER."
But does it?
Does it really?
Because last time I checked;
Dark-skinned citizens were being stopped and harassed;
By the light-skinned citizens in the force;
And light-skinned citizens were being scammed and;
Bullied on the internet by dark-skinned citizens without jobs.

I don't want to be aware of everything; That is wrong;
With the government;
With the citizens;
With the economy​.
I don't want to know if corruption;
Still lives in our system.
I don't want to know if nepotism;
Is still the order of the day;
In our offices,
And our government.

What's wrong with not wanting to watch;
Or read;
Or listen to the news?
What's wrong with not wanting to see;
The degradation;
Discrimination and;
Death of my fellow human beings.

I have a heart and weak it is;
It cannot bear to see these things.
Out of sight,
Out of mind.
Right?
RIGHT???

I'm not ready to be hurt;
So I shut my eyes and ears;
To all the happenings in the world.

I'm not the perfevt woman,
But I'm the perfevt one for you,
I know you see it too.

You're not the perfevt man,
But you're the perfevt one for me,
You better believe it.