I’m exactly where I want to be
On this cold, empty, cliff
With waves crashing
And wind swirling
The sky is clear and blue
But the air is biting
and the light is blinding
My lips are dry
  
I’m exactly where I need to be
Right by your side
As your toes are hanging
They see the dark water
My hands are sure and true
As they hold you back
I wont let you die

The cruel boy will not giggle
Or the cold-hearted harpy
Must crusade on the street
She will seize.
She will finally speak in the summer
She shall flare with the lovestruck traveler
She will flounder
She shall not seize on a cloudy day
She shall strike

the abandoning
it happens by the moon
and the noon
and you'd be a fool to think
it'll spare you

a double-edged sword
a wine glass with 2 different shades
of lipstick on the rim
a single shot glass and three empty bottles
the name of a stranger
drawn in saliva on a piece of leather

all that meets us is silence
a word we repeat on crescendo

i tapped a curled up tiny white spider
off from my money tree
how nice it must have been

the world is rendering
in these rabbit eyes
a basilisk turns to stone
in their reflection

where the snow melts in sunlight
but not shade
the scent of last nights candle accident
lingers a bit too strongly
the radio plays old classics
with a few too many commercials
old habits for good reasons
turn to excuses
the bitterness of blame
lingers where it's not meant to be
where it was fine and is now
not

find me
in the corner of the local cafe
cling fast to sanctuary
aura of creativity
illusinary productivity
idealized possibility
i would rather bury myself
in it's walls forever
than leave

water so still
i see my face now
like a rising moon
...
the water is not clear
so i must go deep
into moon basked lakes
...
i dive into myself

a fight, tooth and nail
fingertips on glass
snarl breathless and feral
as breath fogs the mirror
push more
till your hands wrap around
the bare throat of
whom dares take your face

raw
the word repeats
raw raw raw
the word describes
overwhelm - truth - vulnerability
raw meat
is what lays inside flesh
raw as is my poetry
meat picked off my bones
for consumption
it tastes different
as everyone seasons it
cooks it
prepares it
and i serve it raw

I'll run out of words I said
I'll run out of words if I keep talking

-have you?

I think so
there's only so many things to say
in so many ways
I'll spend my time trying to say it new
just so I can keep talking
I'm obsessed with the fear of
R E P E T I T I O N

she told me "shut up and let me teach"
and I became obsessed
with the fear of being
T O O  M U C H

I haven't heard the third word
of what anyone has said for
a while and some more now

-only a fool speaks too much

because if you talk for long enough
people will see the holes in you
stay quiet and others fill in the holes for you

and the laws say
you must be heavy
weight down and burdened
or else you'll float
and to float means to
pop pop pop
when you get to close
to the sun

and the mother says
you must hold on
for if you slip
you'll know loss
and as you let go
they tell you "we warned you"
spinning the thoughts
of sky to how far away
the ground is going to be

and your hands say
this isn't meant
to be held with such
an iron grip
the burning sun
can't possible hurt more
than the weight of gravity

and your eyes say
who's to say the sun
is even the destination

raised to believe stagnation is a death
to stay still even in safety is a *****
never to be content with good enough
even when good enough is your best
never to take a rest
because to rest is a *****
that they say I am always falling down
there is always something to reach
“but dont you dare reach for what you love”

this is a loveless cruel thing
to never rest is to reach the end
before you’ve done anything at all
rest is not a stand still
but a chance to grow in a different way
and to reach for something you dont love
is a mocking insult to your heart and soul
that I will take no part of

Your goddess
is sitting in the bar 24/7
because she thinks it's safer
to sleep there
then to go home
where people will break in
just to watch her sleep

Your goddess
wishes that she could feel
the alcohol the bartender
keeps on pouring for her

Your goddess
is a false idol
place high on strings
too weak to hold her up

i dont want romance
the idea is glorious and pompous
and the longing to be something else
i still
never wish to fall in performance
nor duel reliance
all i seek are people
with commitment
not to me but to
meaning what they say
a bare backed willingness to be
honest and ambitious
their truest self in front of me
and thus allowing me
to be my truest self before them
and i wish
oh i still do wish
this would be considered
a simple friendship

why do i have to stand
when i could fly
my feet are glued
to a ground set on fire
ive waited long enough
for my wings to grow
no matter how my hand shakes
i will grab each feather
try try try again to stitch together

the princess learns to sleep on the pea under her bed
everyone tells her that there will be rougher beds
so she stops complaining
she wakes up in pain, back bent and aching with every move
she learns to ignore it
she can barely sleep for the pain in her back
and the knowledge that the pea is there
and she can feel it when one else could
she learns to forget it by morning
till the pain in her back doesnt fade away
till she cant move this way or that
there will be rougher beds they say
and shes afraid it wont get better
and she knows it wont get better
and she knows there are better beds
but shes not complaining

voices sound better
in descent / in distance
cut off from the source
distorted / dissonant
unsalvagable from another
  
i listen to poetry in stairwells
paint faces from sounds
so the real thing never compares

i know the taste of rot
the cloying smell
growth of the wrong kind
simple shape turned
grotesque

this isnt the kind of fruit
that can be throw out
i eat what i neglect

have i grown this
fungus heart
myself?
have i
reconstructed myself
to survive in the conditions
i’ve created?

sloth
is the sin i brew
neglect
is the symptom
how do i solve this
when avoiding is
what comes natural

the virus grows too much
when i stay too still
so i keep moving
infecting all yet
trying to escape
this fate
as if running
stops the wound
from bleeding

but still
it is not as if
staying still makes
anything more
then an ecosystem
of self-destruct

knowing a place
tastes like vibrato on my teeth
the cafe au chocolate tastes like milk today
eyes closed, I can guess it’s maker
sometimes i sit in my car
let the cold seep in
because it doesn’t matter where i am

what is the difference between content and malcontent

brain rot
fallin off the top
made a deal
i can't follow up
center stage
exit stage right
before the brain
rot drops
from the month
cant make it stop
god stop and get off
why seething rabid
from holes in head
choke it dead

self-love is /gorging /buying /hoarding
the discounted chocolates
in the darkest corner
brands unheard of
the forgotten relics
considered a step below the rest
to become a delight to enjoy
for those whom
valentines day does not serve
discount chocolate
doesn't care for the reason it's consumed
just that it's consumed
entirely
and with abandon

my hollow bones ache from
the crack they breathe
marrow gone dry
nothing left for
the birds of scavenge
ill take these useless bones
and throw them down a hill
wherever they fall
I will divine

I crave to be strong
these sparce muscles stand for what I've been neglecting
this body I wish to strengthen
as it is the vehicle to my success
I will arrive at the goal
with nothing less then this
flesh and bones and blood
and through time
I will learn to cater it's demands
as a mother coddles her child
for I am nothing more then
me myself and my body

the brightest white is a thin layer
of clouds spread across the sky
thick enough to warp the sunlight behind
all that has shape and color
diffused

built a puzzle out of my surroundings
till it makes the perfect formula
the catalysis: energy

i seek approval from things
that don't matter at all
i seek meaning from a number
i crave what i know
is not a state of my value
but the number of people
who happened to look this way

and i’m part of the mute mass
observers with a voice
reserved to save energy
on obligations and have to’s

and i am the go-between
guilty over my exhaustion
inability to help all i see

and i am a creator
with power in my words
held in the eyes and minds
of others. not my own hands
and to be heard is the
entirety of why words exist

I drove slow through a ****** of crows and knew something was calling me to a place abandoned
If the wind hadn't bit so hard I think I might have pulled over and walked to the weathered down guts of a barn by roadside

for once in my life
i am excited for summer
for i will not be forced
to stand in its sweltering heat
instead i will let the sun
burn my shoulders
on my own terms

climbing a mountain and coming back down
picking up pace after a long break
dancing and running out of breath
waiting for eyes to adjust to the darkness
getting blinded by the light
a sore throat after yelling
bruised skin after impact
sweating in heat
shivering in cold
a hot burning fever
swelling flesh
a dizzy spell
and a healing process

it was going well
i was making progress
but it stopped
i stopped
it is hard to start
it is hard to continue
i dont know how it is to finish
because i have never made it that far
what if i never start again
and never find out

this fear hinders me
more than anything else
the fear of never starting again
a self-fulfilling prophecy
the fear of never getting there
makes it hard to start again

my wine glass heart
meant to fill with
skies i'll claim
blue to peach to white
i dropped it
with wine drunk hands
painted the remains
with the skies
it was meant to hold

how to i remove the topper
stomped on top of my head
why do i see through
lime stained goggles
no amount of elbow grease
unscrews the top
nor clears the glass

when were these
peanut butter walls built
the thoughts like gnats and flies
pile in layers to the wall
clear away one and
another grows grotesque
like an apartment
paired with depression

all i want is a clean slate
to build a new