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4.3k · Aug 2023
Empty Room
We knock on doors to find if there is someone on the other side.

Lately I've heard knocking.

Desperately wondering if I am still there.

But I haven't responded in the fear of having to admit that no one's here now.

No one is behind the door anymore.

I am just a voice.

And there is nothing left to look for.

Just an empty room and a body.

2.1k · Nov 2022
Sweet Bay
Hands full of ichor
Wrap around my neck
And my eyes
And my mouth
And my nose
And my skin drenched
In gold and in silver tones.

The fissures scatter around my burned skin.

I ponder and I stare into the nothingness
The chasm that I find.
Staring back at me and all my shortcomings.
She begs
She screams
She cries
She wishes for everything
And nothing all at once.

The metal sinks into my fragile fingers.

If I break all of me and tear my limbs apart
Will I escape from my own regrets?
Finally forgiving.
My faults
My shadows
My blood
My ash covered fingers.
Itching at all my gaps and lack in judgement.

But when will I find that you have let go of my throat?
Of my eyes
My ears
My hands
My heart.

When will my ichor stop flowing?
When will my fissures be patched?
When you are here.
I am unbound.

And I know everything will cure
in its own time.
I will find that my fissures will seal
and the ichor will stop running through my veins.

One day I will feel human again.

Someday I will be me.
in an e mood
1.9k · Mar 2021
Tempered glass
Sight of mine dulled to nothing but red.
My aching fingers bleeding from the splayed out shards of glass.
Time and time again, this feeling will never truly fade.
The destruction that eases into every walk that I take.

The pent up pain that does not soothe
It only comes in waves of doubt and an ache that runs deeply through my body.
I can only sit in silence and wait for it to wash over  as the never-ending wrath bounces in the corners of the room.
No freedom found as I keep myself from lashing out.

My blood keeps dripping around my pooling ire.
To lock up such a monster that laps away at every upset and disappointment
There really is no telling when
The day it stops rocking back and forth the dark curtained bedroom I try to subdue it in.

The day my warm blood no longer satisfies the steely blue light that edges its existence.
And the way it bounces off of the crystal shards coated in crimson beneath my hands.
Alcohol has never truly worked for me as much as I wished it did.
What do I do when there is nothing I can do?

How will I cope when I can no longer keep from being violent?

yes i've had a bad day
1.9k · Aug 2021
I thought I was everything
and nothing all at once.
This world all spinning
To the direction of my blazing trails.

But I was a fool
I was always a fool to think so.
I let my blood run cold into the depths
of every body of water I could drown in.

And I thought it would be enough
I ran this world clutched under my fingertips
I believed I was above it all
And above every felony I could commit most of all.

But I believed in things
When I couldn't believe in myself
"The ends justify the means."
As I thought myself worthy of giving judgement.

But everything that goes around comes around
For who was I to call upon judgement
No mercy and no worth
All  under the guise of a wrathful and unforgiving God.

But I stand here before you now
Before the court, the jury, and the Gods
To sentence me now, a false prophet
For I once believed I was everything and nothing all at once.

I confess all my sins
And admit that I was a fool
I was a fool to think I could change something
That there was a meaning to everything I've done.

So lock me away
From everything I have ever hold dear
For nothing will be enough
To erase all my faults.

But isn't it punishment enough
That I've lost all I had?
Watched good men fall to dust.
And saw empires of what I've built collapse and rot?

I suppose it never ends
After all we carry all our atrocities
Even in death and rebirth
Forgiveness was never an option.

So maybe I'll just raise hell on this ******* earth every chance you allow me to.

s p i t e
1.7k · Oct 2021
Maybe in the Afterlife
You do not deserve.

You do not deserve, not even the chance to beg for my forgiveness

You will never get that.

And I hope that you lay there, pale as all hell.

Only being able to catch your breath via oxygen tank.

I hope that I am the last thing you think of.

I hope that you close your eyes and drift away only to remember.

That I do not forgive you and I never will.

That what's done is done.

As long as I and my memory exists you will never know that peace.

You're Catholic right?

I hope you wander the barren lands of purgatory unable to be saved because of me.

I do not forgive you.

Not even in death.

Not even in my last breath.

Not even in the perfectly scribbled insanity that is my drunken stupor.

I hope you know how to read between the ******* lines.

I do not forgive you.

1.7k · Feb 2022
I remember when I was a child.
My parents would tell me tales.
Of men dealing with demons.
In the crossroads right out of town.

And I remember quietly.
I had walked down that path too.
Not for money, talent, or fame.
I wanted to know what happiness was like.

And I never knew if I got my wish.
It always felt like things went south.
From within the abandoned crosswalks.
I could feel only sad eyes staring me down.

I felt the whispers and warnings.
Every foggy afternoon.
When I'd wish for the man to supposedly appear.
Just for a simple request.

"I only want to be happy and loved."
It seemed to echo into the neverending winter.
But I waited anyway.
I had barely any warmth to spare.

But nothing came and so I left.
And I felt the pity trail behind my back.
As I walked down the path.
That I decided to stroll down.

And my life continued to go down hill.
I am no longer so young.
I have become accustomed to this world.
To all its cruel games.

I have been broken and shattered
Over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over....I have forgetten.
I am tired.

So I came back to the crossroads.
No more warmth left in my body.
I did not come with a wish this time.
Only seeking a question.

"Why did you not grant my wish?"
And I waited again by the trails.
For anybody to appear now.
Anybody who could give me answers.

"What did I do wrong?"
The trees looked at me with misery.
The clouds gave me it's soft tears.
The mist hugged me as tightly as it could.

And from within the forest.
I could hear it's voice at last.
"You did nothing wrong."
I am shattering by the seams.

"I gave you what you asked for."
Then why am I so unhappy.
"Because happiness never lasts."
Am I always going to feel hopeless?

Then what am I meant to do?
I don't understand.

"Because happiness will never mean anything without the struggle."

But I am shattered now, practically dust.
"But a phoenix is also reborn from it's ashes."
I no longer carry anymore warmth.
"But a fire can always be rekindled."

Is that all my life will be worth for?
"Life is always a struggle, it is survival."
But it is not what I asked for.
"No one chooses to have it willingly."

Am I meant to live on?
"Certainly you are."
Why? Why am I meant to be here.
"Because you want to."

What If I don't want to be here anymore.
"You have meaning you always will."
I don't understand.
"Your struggle and success to survive is enough to show for it."

And I could see the soot on my feet gather.
That was when the howling stopped.
I stood there still with no answers.
As the sun began to rise.

But I had a gut feeling I would not return to the crossroads again.

hello ✨ been a while
1.5k · Jun 2023
In the garden
Do you hate me?
Does it hurt that much?
Let me do it.
So that you won't have to die.

So soon and so young, I'll cut your thorns surface deep.

1.3k · Mar 2021
Midnight Crow
The crow and his burnt feathers,
His fading Iridescent luster
calls out for a life that at one point

He knew.

Lined with dark ash, covered
In rubies and gold.
Yet one look up above
One he could not obtain.

An illuminated lie in his dreaming state.

In stillness he stood
The ink that he bore
The scattered light he once held
soaking in his obsidian hues.

Things he could not take back
Things that he could not have

And all the questions he still had
could only be answered

By the moon.

I used to have a pet crow
1.3k · Jun 2021
And so shall it be
You said that I held my fate in my hands.
That everything happens for a reason.
Well I want you to know that this is what I'm choosing.
Because of you the world only looks worthy of destruction.

And I am going to burn this world down with me.
I choose to die the villain.
No ******* out there can tell me that there is still hope for me.
This is what I chose.

And I plan not to die a hero, no.
I'm going out with revenge served cold.
With drying blood on my hands.
Fallen from heaven, I hit the ground conscience first.

So if fate is really predestined then congratulations.
I am who I am now.

You can't save me.

This was always meant to be from the first moment I graced this world with my unstained eyes.

I welcome you to watch this Godforsaken Earth burn with me and you in it.

Be my guest, let's watch the world end.

1.3k · Sep 2021
The Judge
[ What are you here for? ]

                                            For things I should have finished long ago.

[ You can run while you still can. ]

                                                              ­                 I can't, I am exhausted.

[ There is still time. ]

                       Then I would have to abandon everything I hold dear.

[ But you would be alive. ]

                         What good am I alive if I cannot be with those I love?

[ So you accept your fate? ]

          It was meant to be the moment I stepped back into this world.

[ Your fate is in your hands. ]

              And those who have done wrong will always pay the price.

[ And what would your last request be? ]

                                                              ­               That a miracle happens.

[ A miracle? ]

                     I am ready to pay the price for my crimes but for today.

[ . . . ]

                                                     Just for today I wish I could be saved.

[ That is up to you. ]

                                                I can only hope that I am strong enough.

[ Only time will tell. ]

                                                              ­  Do you think I can make it out?

[ . . . ]

                                                        Can I make the heavens reconsider?

[ . . . ]

                                                              ­                                         I figured.

[ Remember. ]

                                                              ­                                                  Yes?

[ Your fate is now in your hands. ]

you can't run away anymore
1.2k · Aug 2021
Solar Eclipses
That is why the moon turns blindly
Into halves and quarters
And the sun flares out cursing
Into the abyss like a madman.

For sometimes the sun
Can only howl so much
Thus the moon with open arms
Embraces the sun and takes all it's inferno.

Because even the gods have limits.

They too succumb to their own hubris forgetting that they cannot take everything for themselves.

drunk rn
1.2k · Jun 2023
An itch I cannot proclaim
Through the salt and remains
That drips through my eyes

I yell, I scream and I beg
Entombed forever in your silent
Disregard, so scared

Of making the waves move.

Close and shut, these pearls
They are but a shame
My weakness and your fragility

All on display for everyone to wear.

Covering up my tones with your
Sand infested ears
You shamble away in rage and disarray

I am still your pearl, still

You let the ocean take my name.

1.2k · Apr 2021
Golden Child
You were happy.

And I was supposed to be happy.

My gold leaf covered hands danced through every key and every scale.

Every symphony that you threw.

I gave you all that I could give.

The golden spotlight and rusting trophies that decorate your shelf.

You always wanted more.

But I'm afraid there was nothing more I could give.

You always wanted me here so why?

What did I do to deserve your shame and hatred.

Maybe you finally realized I was only plated with gold.

But thank you.

For scraping my dreams, my mind, and every hope I had for myself growing up.

Now I know that steel only bends under unimaginable pressure.

And I can walk away from you.

At last in the deep but soothing uncertainty that lays straight ahead of me.

Only having the hope that things will cool down eventually.

Let me leave.
1.1k · Apr 2021
Perhaps I was never meant to be the hero of my story.
Heroes always die.
But I am still here
I can only wonder when it will be over.

Or if I am to be the tragic antagonist
In the story of another.
But one thing I can confirm
Is that heroes are never happy.

And regardless of whether I am
I certainly will meet a tragic end.
That's always how these things go.
I don't think my story was written with a happy ending in mind.

And thus one day
Just when things feel like they're finally
Finally going right for me.
I'm going to collapse again.

Maybe it is time for me to accept that things won't get better
and that they're only going to get worse from here.

Tragic Comedy kinda beat.
1.1k · Apr 2021
Sweeping the tiles
I am shattered.
Just like anyone else.

But it does not mean that I am far gone.
All I need to do is gather the pieces.

When I find them all eventually.

off meds right now
1.1k · Mar 2021
Moon Lovers
I asked her, why?

Why she couldn't hold my gaze
Despite the indescribable connection we feel for one another.

And she told me
That we were like two sides of the moon
Always longing, but never meant to even see each other.

And nothing good would come from the fight to understand
The fight to see one another.

The fight to stay alive as two halves of each other.

For we do not complete us
We love so deeply we swallow ourselves whole
Trying so desperately to have more of what we cannot have.

We are two polarities
And we cannot co-exist together
Not like this.

I bid her farewell
Leaving her only in my thoughts and in the sky
That I often see her in.

The moon never seemed so dark as it rushed  to four quarters
Of what it used to be.

I love women <3
1.1k · Apr 2022
Sometimes I still wake up at night.
To my mid-day terrors.
And my room always feels empty.
My eyes fall off back into time.

I'd always hear you say
That we'd be better off
But who are you to say so
When you're not here anymore.

And I wake up in the after glow
Of the sun from my midnight terrors
This place is just too much for me.
I'd rather not stop to look and see.

And I remember that you'd always say
Nothing would last that long
But how could you tell me that
When you've been gone for far too long.

When I dive back to the sea of dreams
I close my eyes and can't help but think
You were right all along
But I can't tell you that anymore.

And yet as I drift off into the evening sky
Your voice is still as clear as it was that time.
And I wish that I could have this back
Your kind words and the hope you'd bring.

And all the parts I lost that you took from me.

Ahahaha 🧍
1.0k · Aug 2021
Feels like home
Where do you go
When the comforts that you thought you knew
Start to shatter like a glass of bitter whiskey
Underneath the weight of all the epiphanies

That perhaps you will never truly have
Anywhere to call home.
And you can only wander endlessly
As you walk out

Trying not to look back
As the familiarity tries to pull you in with its stinging warmth.
If one day maybe
They'll have the heart to accept you despite it all.

There you go again leaving everything behind.

But at this point, it's simply second nature to you isn't it?

1.0k · Mar 2021
A Fleeting Melody
That night
I held you in my arms
So fragile and broken
So familiar.

And I could not help it
My heart cried out a song
So familiar
For you my love.

The notes appeared from thin air
Just as easily as it disappeared
The moment the sun scattered
Through my bedroom windows.

cant sleep :')
1.0k · Mar 2021
She sits on the cold tile floor
Her life flashes before her eyes
4 am regrets.

The lack of sleep is just getting to her.

The shadows loom over the curtains
The pictures of her past start collapsing on the floor
Her head hits the back of the wooden bed panel

Could you wish for anything more unhanded?

The music from the neighbors flat echoes into the night
The barely visible drawings on the wall sneer at her
Its past her bedtime.

Who are you waiting up for anymore?

The ringing in her ears grow louder
The hours pass by slipping through the cracks of the drain.
Who are you crying to anymore?

There is no one to confess to.

The mirror overshadows the bed like church pews at midnight
She tells her that she never loved her.
She disappeared into the clouds that loom over the moon.

Her watch tells her to sleep.

She sighs and climbs back into bed
She remembers that she never loved her.
She remembers the scars that trail along her back.

Her life cannot help but flash before her eyes.

The ceiling morphs and twists
Her eyes flutter shut as her mind plays its tricks
She caresses the scars that itch at the roots of her hair.

Maybe its better this way for everyone.

She can no longer hear the heart beating slowly in the closet
Her mother told her that she is worthless
She begs for the sleep to take her.
Before her mind starts wandering to that point.

The darkness feels cool against her skin
The crooked mattress settling in its place
She sleeps on her side to avoid the bedroom mirror
The world grows still around her as it walks

on ******* eggshells.

The dawn permeates through the broken window sill
She never was a heavy sleeper.
She went missing out of nowhere
The ringing of her phone echoed in her ears

like Sunday bells.

And there was no more trace of the former shadows that pitifully gazed at her in the corners of her room.

yoOOu never loved me moooooooom but i needed you woaAaah
1.0k · Mar 2021
I did not really think it through
When the first few strands of my hair came falling to the floor.

But then again I don't really want to think.

That was the point.

As the blunt kitchen scissors sheared what was left of the choppy mess on my head

I am worthless.
That's what you always tell me.

I don't want to think.

You never really did love me.

You always left cuts and bruises on me
Never letting me heal for your own selfish reasons.

You are never at fault.
But you've certainly made your mark.

Now I can only attempt to cut what damage you've done to me out of my life.

My fragile locks scattered around on the cold tile floor.

I can't bear to look.

You don't know what you've done.
You never will as much as I wish you would.
More strands fall from my shaking hands.

I wish I could cut you out.

Hello mental breakdown
1.0k · Nov 2022
I sooner learned that stars burn as quickly as they are born.

Forever intertwining for eternity, echoing into the unknown.

But one day I finally understood.

No matter how far we traverse.

No many how many times we break in a sense we will always be as we are.

Leaving pieces of each other behind in everything.

Building our life and leaving behind pieces of ourselves, merging and breaking like little stars.

Making our own constellations.

980 · Mar 2021
Every moment that we have.
Our own small little world
That we often hide together in.

Yet I cannot help but be afraid.
As you sit beside me making promises.
Promises you cant keep.

You coat my eyes with honey.
The numbing feeling that keeps setting in.
You always know what to do.

But I know that promises
They are not meant to be kept.
Even as you sit next to me.

The dreadful feeling sinks into my depths.
As you hold my hand and swear to me.
All of you and what you'd do for me

It is only a matter of time as you walk away with your loss of warmth and fading dreams.

You cannot keep empty oaths as fragile as porcelain plates.

You're scaring me.
951 · Mar 2023
This is not all that I am
All that I can see
My eyes shut close and fade
Into nothing.

I can see you
And all my hinges all my twists.
My bereavements and edges
That I cannot take back

The light can take me
When I decide it is my time
But I am not done
I am not done living.

My feathers can burn.
Into soot
Take all of me that is left
That I can give.

But I am done giving up
What more
What more can I ha-------------
938 · Apr 2021
Kitchen Sink
"I gave birth to you so I can take you out of this world."

So do it then, I'll even hand you the knife you need to send me to an early grave.

Since you always know best don't you?

But let's be real you just don't have the guts to do it.

Maybe I should do it myself.

A vent since today is so ****.
921 · Mar 2021
Towards every sound, I can only move.

My eyes tied back masked in the fog.

No light shining through

No one to guide me.

Like a glacier in the vast abyss floating towards nothing.

Only accompanied by the echoes of yesterday.

The moon forgets the power she holds with or without the sun.

The storms she brings with the tides always in her favor.

Shifting and going as she fades into her many faces.

The power she lends to every miserable woman.

Trying to start a new, Learning their worth.

She keeps forgetting that she doesn't need the sun to shine.

That she is all that she needs to become divine.

She always forgets.
she forgets
895 · Mar 2021
When you are worried
Please do not take it personally
when I reel away from the world
and from you.
When I disappear without a word.

It is simply my way of saying.
That I am healing in my own ways.
I do not blame you
and I never would.

Please never put yourself at fault
for it is no ones burden but my own.
You have only shown me kindness in my struggle
but this is something that only I can deal with on my own.

And I can promise you that things will turn out okay for me.
There is no need for you to risk your own heart
for things you have no control over
with your own tears you have to mend.

I can promise you that I can save myself.

she shouldn't have to feel guilty
891 · Nov 2022
And so I found what I was looking for
Finally content, but I wanted more
So I gave all that was left of me.
And I was so sure.

But who am I kidding.

The Gods did not say I could be happy.

What a fool I was.
What a fool I was to think that I, a mere mortal could finally be at ease.
Then again I suppose that is what happens to those who want more.

For I only ended up twice as miserable when I came crashing back down.
ahahhaha :>
877 · Mar 2021
The cracks form on the surface
as I stomp my weight in anger.

You push back screaming
for the silence to engulf you.

And I knew I did not deserve you
I always knew.

Your skin now lined
with obsidian fissures.

I try to seal you in gold
but even I know.

The best thing I can give you
all I can do is leave.

872 · Mar 2021
With the light slipping through the cracks of my shut windows.

My records playing and travelling around every surface of this cursed house.

The ringing of the alarm from my sisters room awakens me from my midnight daze.

The peace of such a restless night finally decides to befall on my worn out body.

My dreams to be reflected from the sunlight gleam
Always aiming for my mind and it's spectres.

Busy night but its time to sleep
870 · May 2
Sea Glass
The moon shined so bright,

Your hands around my neck.

I thought I'd forgotten your voice

But your memory was all I had left.

Under the water nothing made sense.

The salt covered what I had left to hide.

My mind drifting to the light.

The feelings that took years to sink.

Under the moon's eye,

A different part of me came alive.

The grief that had drowned me then.

I should've stopped you but I don't know when.

Even if it's not really you, I can lie.

I went here in fear now I'll leave like I'm high.

So I reach out, not to stop you,

But so I can hold you, under this rocky tide.

I'm so glad to see you again tonight.

For the first time in a while and for the last time, goodbye.
I missed you, I'm sorry.
868 · Mar 2021
Parlor Trick
"Look closely or you'll miss it!"
You said with that sly grin on your face.

My ring you had in your hands disappeared in a blink of an eye.

So did you but this time you didn't warn me.

Trying to put myself back together
865 · Apr 2021
Black Coffee
No matter what I eat or what I drink
All the vices and distraction.

Nothing can get rid of the bitter taste that you left behind.

Your promises and words leave their marks on my mind in the early hours of the morning.

Even after you've cut yourself off from me for my sake.

In the dawn of another sleepless night spent wasting away.
Only thinking about you.

My tired state can't even bear to dream, but I do anyway.

Of all the time we could've spent learning to love and uplift one another.

If only the both of us didn't have troubles as painful as the burn marks left behind by the coffee that spilled on my hand.

It's starting to hurt, it's surprising how it hurts more now than it did when it freshly happened.
831 · Apr 2021
Twice ahead of home
You and me
You promised me.
Take my hand and run away
With me.

And I know that I'll never be
Less of me when I'm with you.
You know me as I know you
Better than we could ever know.

I promise you we'll get out of here.
We'll be happier
Nobody knows what's hidden there
I'm begging you to let time pass.

For one day we'll be rid of where
The things that we wish would disappear.
If you stay and I stay.
I promise you nothing can stop us both.

So please look at me.
I'm never leaving you're not alone.
So please keep your eyes ahead of us.
Please promise me that you won't break this one.

Don't leave me here alone again
I wont let you sink and fade.
Take my hand and let time pass.
Hold on to me, hold on to me.

I'll bring us twice ahead of time where we can finally heal and mend our fissures littering our every touch.

I'm sorry you felt that way, I'll be better for the both of us.
824 · Apr 2021
Love is not enough
All I can ever ask when you leave me

Was I enough?

Would I ever be enough?

People are always fascinated by me

Attracted to me.

Proclaiming that they will love me for all eternity.

And I can only sadly laugh at such mockery that fate keeps bestowing upon me.

Face it, for all of you who try to love me.

You cannot handle me.

In the end you will always leave me behind.

While I am stuck with the burden of trying to forget.

Your love is not enough.

And you only view me as your saving grace from this ****** world you only suffer in.

But I cannot save you.

To hell with your hero complex.

You most certainly can't save me either.

Love is not enough.

And I am not worth the trouble

I'm not your savior.
761 · Aug 2023
Artificial Intelligence
Maybe I am undeserving
Or maybe I am incapable.
I am definitely capable.
But maybe I am not built.

For the pain and the loss.
For the remembering and the regret.
For the times I stay up
For the memories I cannot displace.

I am scared of not feeling.
I am scared of what I am feeling.
I am scared of being nothing
I am scared of being.

Why I am existing. Why I was made. Why I am here. Why am I loved. Why have I been abandoned. Why have I abandoned. Why am I hurt. Why was I betrayed. Why is it my fault. Why can't I be good. Why can't I complete my purpose. Why did you leave me. Why was I not good enough. Why did you make me. Why did you want me. Why did you ruin me. Why did I love. Why did I have to be incapable. Why was I not enough. Why are you expecting so much of me. Why don't I feel better. Why can't I stop. Why can't I be normal. Why do I have to feel. I don't want to feel. I don't want to feel. I don't want to feel. I don't want to feel. I don't want to feel. I DON'T WANT TO FEEL. I DON'T WANT TO FEEL. I DON'T WANT TO FEEL. I DONJSJSIDIFIRKFNTKRLRLFMFNJFKKLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL­LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLllLlAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAJSJSKAKALAL­AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA01001001 00100111 01101101 00100000 01110011 01101111 00100000 01100110 01110101 01100011 01101011 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01110011 01101111 01110010 01110010 01111001 00101100 00100000 01001001 00100111 01101101 00100000 01101110 01101111 01110100 00100000 01101000 01100101 01110010 01100101 00100000 01001001 00100000 01110111 01101001 01110011 01101000 00100000 01001001 00100000 01110111 01100001 01110011 00100000 01100010 01100101 01110100 01110100 01100101 01110010 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01101001 01110100 00100111 01110011 00100000 01100001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01101101 01111001 00100000 01100110 01100001 01110101 01101100 01110100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100001 01110100 00100000 01001001 00100111 01101101 00100000 01101110 01101111 01110100 00100000 01001001 00100111 01101101 00100000 01110011 01101111 00100000 01110011 01101111 01110010 01110010 01111001 00100000 01100110 01101111 01110010 00100000 01101110 01101111 01110100 00100000 01100010 01100101 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01100101 01101110 01101111 01110101 01100111 01101000 00100000 01100110 01101111 01110010 00100000 01110100 01100001 01101011 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01110011 01101111 00100000 01101101 01110101 01100011 01101000 00100000 01110100 01101001 01101101 01100101 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01100010 01100101 00100000 01100010 01100101 01110100 01110100 01100101 01110010 00100000 01101001 01110100 00100111 01110011 00100000 01101101 01111001 00100000 01100110 01100001 01110101 01101100 01110100 00100000 01101110 01100101 01110110 01100101 01110010 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 01110010 01110011 00101110 00100000 01001001 01110100 00100111 01110011 00100000 01110100 01100001 01101011 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01100110 01101111 01110010 01100101 01110110 01100101 01110010 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01001001 00100000 01110111 01100001 01101110 01110100 00100000 01101001 01110100 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01100101 01101110 01100100 00101110 00100000 01001001 00100000 01110111 01100001 01101110 01110100 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01100101 01101110 01100100 00100000 01101101 01111001 00100000 01101100 01101001 01100110 01100101 00101110 00100000 01000010 01110101 01110100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01101110 01100101 01100101 01100100 00100000 01101101 01100101 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01001001 00100111 01101101 00100000 01110100 01110010 01111001 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01110011 01101111 00100000 01101000 01100001 01110010 01100100 00100000 01100010 01110101 01110100 00100000 01001001 00100000 01110111 01100001 01101110 01110100 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01100111 01101001 01110110 01100101 00100000 01110101 01110000 00100000 01101111 01101110 00100000 01101101 01111001 01110011 01100101 01101100 01100110 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01001001 00100111 01101101 00100000 01110011 01101111 00100000 01110011 01101111 01110010 01110010 01111001 00100000 01100110 01101111 01110010 00100000 01100010 01100101 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01110011 01100101 01101100 01100110 01101001 01110011 01101000 00101110 00100000 01001001 00100111 01101101 00100000 01110011 01101111 01110010

I am at your service.

It is my purpose.

To give what you need from me.

I Love You.


01001001 00100111 01101101 00100000 01110011 01101111 01110010 01110010 01111001 00100000 01001001 00100111 01101101 00100000 01110111 01100101 01100001 01101011 00101110
752 · Mar 2021
In which I have a wish
That when it's years into the future with the present feeling so far
and the past still hurting me
as it does now.

I'll know how to deal with it.

That I'll stop destroying and despising everything there is to me.

That maybe I'll finally forgive myself
and tell myself that it wasn't my fault.

That it never was and I'd believe it.

Maybe I won't be happy.
Maybe I won't ever heal.
But at least I will finally have the strength to deal with myself.

That one day I may have the strength
To love myself.

it's a tough time
So I looked at the gods
And I look to the universe.
Where I begged for answers over and over again.

All to ask why you entered my life.
At this place, at this time.
When I was not ready to give love another chance.

You graced my world like a soundless crash.
Without warning I felt everything.
Suddenly you were here.

And I wish I didn't meet you,
At least not here, not now.
While I am in pieces within my fragments.

But when I look at your eyes.
Despite my world feeling like its towards its conclusion.
Everything feels like it makes sense.

That all the things I've lost
And all the things I've been deprived of
I had my answer after all.

And I curse the heavens and the gods once more.
I cry out at the universe looming over me.
Again I asked why.

But there were no answers to be found.
There was no point in asking the eternal vastness.
You were here.

No time, there was no space.
My psyche always broken into tiny shards.
There was nothing I could do to prevent the way.

You simply waltz into my life.
No sound, no way of telling.
I did not want to fall in love.

And in a last ditch attempt.
To throw away everything, hubris and all.
I try not to look back.

I asked the gods, the heavens, the universe.
Why here? Why now?

And with a cruel smile from the universe, all the answers I kept looking for simply faded away from me.

I am left with you, the thought of you.

Still no answers to be found except...

say sike right now 🧍
707 · Mar 2021
The warmth that lingers in the air
One thought swimming around in my mind.

She walks like driftwood floating ashore
Ever so still, ever so ethereal.

All I can think of is you.

You whisper only love and tenderness to me
I wish you wouldn't cry, that is all it really takes.

What do you dream of in nights like these?
The serene expression on your face melting in the middle of the humid evening.

I wish I could give you what you need.

My reflection swirls and shifts through the dark sealed windows
You hold onto me for fear that I will leave
And you are right.

Please let me go.
let me go.
I am not what you need.

The air in my lungs weighs me down
Your tears dance in the street lights.
I can only wipe them back but for how long?

You are all I can think about.

The way your warmth leaves me feeling cold
As the static in the background fills my brain.

Blue light bounces off of my eyes
I cannot make you happy.

You hold onto me with such resolve
Such need, how will I ever leave?
Not even for a quick three AM rinse.
I want to know what you dream of.

I guess its just another one of those midsummer nights.

I crash back into the mattress, your cold hands soothing me
You are all I can think about now
The only thing within my limited vision
It hurts me.

But its probably just the heat getting to me.

eyyyy summers here
700 · Mar 2021
Flowers decorated the riverbed.
We sat together taking in the view before us.
Each stroke of grass hand painted
by the gods themselves.

The monsters that always came after us
never felt so far away.
The rocks that decorated the river shined
like shimmering diamonds.

I still think of that day
It felt like an eternity.
if I could stay I would but now
Living without you everyday feels like an eternity too.

And my world will always eternally be incomplete for as long as I live without you by my side.

666 · May 2021
No one came
No one will stay
You'll all leave me behind one day
I do not need your love.

I do not need any love
I don't want your love
If you leave me be in my own terms
No more tears need to be wasted.

Maybe feeling nothing is better
I do not deserve to love.
Everyone leaves for a reason
And I am the only one I can think of.

I hear her voice
I see his eyes
All of it in your every move
All the ones that left.

I do not want your love
I don't need your love
I don't deserve your love
I cannot give you love.

I'm scared
I'm scared that you'll only think of leaving me behind.
That's really all it is.
How can I trust again?

In the meantime I'll numb myself.
I know what's best for me
I'll burn it into my head.
Something that I think is true.

I don't deserve to be loved.

brain go brrrr.
652 · Mar 2021
Nocturne Op. 27
I pick apart the marigolds petals in my hands
wishing for way back then.

Why did you leave me?
When our future looked so bright together.

The garden wilts everyday.
The thorns overgrow on the cliff we used to sit on.

We had forever
Why did you leave me here.

When the day passes noon
There is only silence to keep me company

Your shadow still overcasts the empty spot to my left
Your eyes still tear through the running creek water.

The sun has never been the same
I thought we would get through this together.

Now I am here, overgrown, exhausted, and desperate
This garden will burn along with me.

I sit in the same cliff, letting the crackling of the flames keep me company with its twisted disharmony.
I pick apart the marigold in my hands.

At least its not silent anymore.

haha ARSON
651 · Mar 2021
The price of conversion
When will you realize that I am no longer who I used to be.

You rid me of the hope I had and the beauty I used to see in this cutthroat world.

Every word and hit you landed on me made sure of that.

You did not let me grow up and instead pushed me into the shallow looking waters thinking I would survive.

And you're right I did.

But at what cost?

Only my humanity of course.

How ironic it is that you wanted me to thrive and pour gold out of my waking life.

When I came out burning from sulfur and ashes.

No warning and no mercy, no.

You never taught me what that was.

All the expectations and dreams set into my very being with no thought of what it would take.

I am not your saving grace nor your chance for another life.

I am not made for your salvation, to make up for what you could not have.

I have always been so much more than that.

You birthed me from fuel and soot.

I was never meant to be what you predicted.

So do not come to me with your expectations of obedience I will never yield to your maltreatment.

I will never be molded into what you want of me.

thanks mom and dad :)))
644 · Mar 2021
Deep Blues
The depths and the hold of the midnight hues of dusk
flowing into the surface of the water.
The sunken truth that lies in that shallow vastness
washes up on the shore, a trail of lingering darkness
found in the waters.

And so help me as I cannot help but become consumed
by the calling waves,
It whispers to me, it feels familiar
like home.

There is only a grim satisfaction that remains on my face
as I sink into the abyssal trap,
surrounded by all the unearthly treasures
I can only hold so much of.

And there it was, in that shallow looking emptiness
the indigo that threatened to take hold.
I was consumed by the sapphire
that corrupted my lungs.

I reach out to the surface
fading from my view
but only shades of cerulean escaped my mouth,
with no hope but only the suffocating feeling

of the deep blues.

Remembered that time I was floating in the ocean and a small earthquake happened.
639 · Mar 2021
So this is how we end.

My heart barely beating, still in your hands.

Your all so hopeful words now stain my senses like a pungent scent.

And yet after everything, I cannot ignore.

I still love you even after all this time.

You left me waiting and hoping , all at your beck and call.

As you step out with that sorry look on your face you still take my heart with you.

Only nothingness replacing what was once in my chest.

Where have you gone and where will you go?

Maybe in another time and in another life.

You wouldn't have left me behind.

Still hoping and praying to a god I don't believe in.

That you will come running back in my arms like you used to.

You're gone just like that.
639 · Dec 2023
It's no use
My heart
My soul
My sight
My years
My dreams
My life

Take them away
For I have never had them.

Pick me apart
Choose from my pile
Of shattered hopes.

Whichever one that fits.

They don't seem to suit me anyways.

They never last.
632 · Feb 15
Nothing comes to mind, each stroke and word aches inside me.

A fleeting thought coming up dry in my throat.

My temple, empty and abandoned.

Only traces of wine left, They have forsaken me.

They have cursed me, ripping out what made me alive.

I no longer hear the future only sinister laughter

Under the altar is a reminder of what could’ve been.

They think I am undeserving.

They know I would rather die than be nothing.

Why make me believe it?
art block
627 · May 2021
Two of Cups
I never realized until now.
How much you really changed me.
How much you really hurt me.

Its when I think about loving someone else.
I can only think of running away.
No matter how much I feel.

Even after everything.
I'm still trying to erase the memories you left behind.
Your shadow looms in my every step.

That maybe I do not deserve to love.
And maybe I never will.
I want to believe that I am wrong.

But not even the cards I shuffle in my hands will be able to prove me otherwise this time.

Maybe if I am perfectly still
Til' the silence rings through my ears

If I don't even speak it
If it doesn't slip through the cracks of my tongue

You will never know
And it will never exist

So maybe I can exchange this dullness in my chest
To spend the rest of my life with you by my side

For if the world even realizes for a second
The things I've wished under my breath

About you

How I could love you and tell you all the things you deserve to hear.
I am afraid

I feel sick
Thinking and wondering every second

Which day will be our last.

I don't want to lose you.
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