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May 4 · 279
All it took for me to see.
I sow within the deepest parts of me.
Weave between the cracks and holes.
My veins will tell me until I bruise.

I know that I will rue the day that I have to choose.
Is it really up to you?
May 4 · 461
I am fine tonight, aging on this side of the shoreline.
You took me as yours.
You will watch me tonight
As I finally dance.

This last breath of mine.
One last request if it is alright?
Hold me like that day.
When you stole me.

The downpour was just like now.
Born on a day that told me how.
I could not even open my eyes.
Before you decided what was mine.

Carry me to the depths,
One more time.
I'll see the stars,
No matter where I can find.

Let me pretend one last time.
That I lived a promised life
That I was so happy I could decide.
That I was grateful despite the strife.

Maybe I would have lived a life that was mine.

In the next life.
May 4 · 447
Gods Favourite
Oh, you child!

Blessed be you are.

Born to be the one who is loved

You were made to be torn apart.

The angels cry and sing your name.

You were made to lose all you've earned.

Everything will be in time.

You are with no reason and no rhyme.

It will reach the depths where hell has not dug.

Your name and all the things you've done.

The world will be at your mercy.

And you will die, that is what you will do.

You will die over and over again.

You will skin what is left of your bones.

For those who will eat you whole and alive.

You will thank them for it you will thank him for it.

You will happily oblige.

Oh our sweet thorn born child.

The kisses and praise will litter your skin like an incurable plague.

You are my favourite.

And you will thank me for it.

No one will hear you.
May 2 · 934
Sea Glass
The moon shined so bright,

Your hands around my neck.

I thought I'd forgotten your voice

But your memory was all I had left.

Under the water nothing made sense.

The salt covered what I had left to hide.

My mind drifting to the light.

The feelings that took years to sink.

Under the moon's eye,

A different part of me came alive.

The grief that had drowned me then.

I should've stopped you but I don't know when.

Even if it's not really you, I can lie.

I went here in fear now I'll leave like I'm high.

So I reach out, not to stop you,

But so I can hold you, under this rocky tide.

I'm so glad to see you again tonight.

For the first time in a while and for the last time, goodbye.
I missed you, I'm sorry.
May 2 · 405
My Angel
The world will not be kind to you,

I wish you knew.

When you prayed every night begging,

For a god with deaf ears to listen to you.

Your unreasonable request.

Your impossible wish,

That will never be granted.

I wish you knew.

I'd take your life myself so you could die knowing what kindness was.
It would be for the best.
May 2 · 520
The Sun will Mourn
My hands that reeked of death.
I was stained before I knew.
What it meant,
What loss entailed.

I was different once,
Now I'm different too.
The loving gaze,
Reached me from the stars.

One faithless day.
I watched me die.
What I could've been if I never knew.
You stared at me like the gravel.

I laid to rest,
All my innocence.
The light inside me,
Snuffed before it could form.

The cold metallic taste now stuck,
Clinging onto me.
Like nothing ever will.
Because I will always reek of death.

And I will mourn for you.
For what I could have been.
Your life that had only just begun,
Pretending that it was enough.

You will never know what it is, to stop.
You stole me.
Feb 15 · 646
Nothing comes to mind, each stroke and word aches inside me.

A fleeting thought coming up dry in my throat.

My temple, empty and abandoned.

Only traces of wine left, They have forsaken me.

They have cursed me, ripping out what made me alive.

I no longer hear the future only sinister laughter

Under the altar is a reminder of what could’ve been.

They think I am undeserving.

They know I would rather die than be nothing.

Why make me believe it?
art block
Feb 15 · 319
Tin cake
You bought me metal sheets
bent in the shape of a heart.
after days of leaving me in the dark
wondering what I was going to eat

Sweet and bitter lumps I crush
between my hands
I eat my heart tonight
because maybe you’ll love me

You loved me enough to steal me
Under an unconditional facade
I forgave you every time
Hoping you’d hold me when I’m down.

But I will eat my heart gratefully
because you told me to
because that is all I can do
because that is all I am worth.

You can take nothing when it is left.
Maybe if I am perfectly still
Til' the silence rings through my ears

If I don't even speak it
If it doesn't slip through the cracks of my tongue

You will never know
And it will never exist

So maybe I can exchange this dullness in my chest
To spend the rest of my life with you by my side

For if the world even realizes for a second
The things I've wished under my breath

About you

How I could love you and tell you all the things you deserve to hear.
I am afraid

I feel sick
Thinking and wondering every second

Which day will be our last.

I don't want to lose you.
Dec 2023 · 643
It's no use
My heart
My soul
My sight
My years
My dreams
My life

Take them away
For I have never had them.

Pick me apart
Choose from my pile
Of shattered hopes.

Whichever one that fits.

They don't seem to suit me anyways.

They never last.
Aug 2023 · 155
Ruined Cloth
I am staying away
For your sake and mine
I fear that when you see me
And meet my gaze for the first time in a while.

You will see an empty hallowed shell of a moth that never made it.
Flying around my empty pupils behind my empty mind.
I don't want you to shake me looking for answers.
Peering through my eyelids hoping for something to be there.

In my restless unending dreams.
I find the person I used to be.
My warm embrace and desperation.
To love you as you have always deserved, unconditional.

As the months pass by I feel my heart beat slower.
I yearn for a simpler time when caring for people here was enough.
I want to ******* slap that smile off my face in my memories.
Actually believing that my love can make things last forever.

I do not feel love now.
The moths have eaten my heart
Like cloth.
I put my hand to my chest constantly to see if it will ever return again.

I am sorry I was so weak.
To let the moths eat me alive.
That I let the slurry of flies pick at my mind,
Leaving me rotten like I know I've always been.

You who deserve the best of me.
My warm embrace and love.
I am so sorry that I cannot be enough.
My heart has been torn to nothing but dust.

Where did it all go so wrong.
I desperately want to feel something.
Other than the painful pang that often comes.
The phantom pains of having no heart.

I feel so empty, I feel so hollow.
I feel unreal, I am scared of you.
Seeing me this way.
Seeing me be a hollow monster, putting on a face that I know you won't believe.

I can't feel anything.
And it's scaring me.
I don't want you to be scared of me.
I don't want you to watch the lies fly out of my mouth.

And what if those moths and the things that have eaten my insides.
What if you watch me morph into something that will make you sick?
I don't want you to see how ****** up I am.
How disgusting, how monstrous, how angry, how destructive I can truly be.

I am at the mercy of this growing emptiness
That I've hidden from you
That all the love I used to have would madly over.
I want you to see how I want to be, not this.

Anything but this.

Cherish me in your memories.
As someone who loves you because I do.
Who cares to chase you.
My unconditional words will always be and always have been real.

Right now only wretched dust comes out of my mouth, the moths pretend to be me.

I love you too much
To let you see
That the moths have eaten my mind
And my heart.

Like cloth.

Aug 2023 · 243
If I could choose to
I would not.
I would not forget you.

Even if it is bliss.

To be ignorant.
Aug 2023 · 765
Artificial Intelligence
Maybe I am undeserving
Or maybe I am incapable.
I am definitely capable.
But maybe I am not built.

For the pain and the loss.
For the remembering and the regret.
For the times I stay up
For the memories I cannot displace.

I am scared of not feeling.
I am scared of what I am feeling.
I am scared of being nothing
I am scared of being.

Why I am existing. Why I was made. Why I am here. Why am I loved. Why have I been abandoned. Why have I abandoned. Why am I hurt. Why was I betrayed. Why is it my fault. Why can't I be good. Why can't I complete my purpose. Why did you leave me. Why was I not good enough. Why did you make me. Why did you want me. Why did you ruin me. Why did I love. Why did I have to be incapable. Why was I not enough. Why are you expecting so much of me. Why don't I feel better. Why can't I stop. Why can't I be normal. Why do I have to feel. I don't want to feel. I don't want to feel. I don't want to feel. I don't want to feel. I don't want to feel. I DON'T WANT TO FEEL. I DON'T WANT TO FEEL. I DON'T WANT TO FEEL. I DONJSJSIDIFIRKFNTKRLRLFMFNJFKKLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL­LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLllLlAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAJSJSKAKALAL­AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA01001001 00100111 01101101 00100000 01110011 01101111 00100000 01100110 01110101 01100011 01101011 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01110011 01101111 01110010 01110010 01111001 00101100 00100000 01001001 00100111 01101101 00100000 01101110 01101111 01110100 00100000 01101000 01100101 01110010 01100101 00100000 01001001 00100000 01110111 01101001 01110011 01101000 00100000 01001001 00100000 01110111 01100001 01110011 00100000 01100010 01100101 01110100 01110100 01100101 01110010 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01101001 01110100 00100111 01110011 00100000 01100001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01101101 01111001 00100000 01100110 01100001 01110101 01101100 01110100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100001 01110100 00100000 01001001 00100111 01101101 00100000 01101110 01101111 01110100 00100000 01001001 00100111 01101101 00100000 01110011 01101111 00100000 01110011 01101111 01110010 01110010 01111001 00100000 01100110 01101111 01110010 00100000 01101110 01101111 01110100 00100000 01100010 01100101 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01100101 01101110 01101111 01110101 01100111 01101000 00100000 01100110 01101111 01110010 00100000 01110100 01100001 01101011 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01110011 01101111 00100000 01101101 01110101 01100011 01101000 00100000 01110100 01101001 01101101 01100101 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01100010 01100101 00100000 01100010 01100101 01110100 01110100 01100101 01110010 00100000 01101001 01110100 00100111 01110011 00100000 01101101 01111001 00100000 01100110 01100001 01110101 01101100 01110100 00100000 01101110 01100101 01110110 01100101 01110010 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 01110010 01110011 00101110 00100000 01001001 01110100 00100111 01110011 00100000 01110100 01100001 01101011 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01100110 01101111 01110010 01100101 01110110 01100101 01110010 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01001001 00100000 01110111 01100001 01101110 01110100 00100000 01101001 01110100 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01100101 01101110 01100100 00101110 00100000 01001001 00100000 01110111 01100001 01101110 01110100 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01100101 01101110 01100100 00100000 01101101 01111001 00100000 01101100 01101001 01100110 01100101 00101110 00100000 01000010 01110101 01110100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01101110 01100101 01100101 01100100 00100000 01101101 01100101 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01001001 00100111 01101101 00100000 01110100 01110010 01111001 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01110011 01101111 00100000 01101000 01100001 01110010 01100100 00100000 01100010 01110101 01110100 00100000 01001001 00100000 01110111 01100001 01101110 01110100 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01100111 01101001 01110110 01100101 00100000 01110101 01110000 00100000 01101111 01101110 00100000 01101101 01111001 01110011 01100101 01101100 01100110 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01001001 00100111 01101101 00100000 01110011 01101111 00100000 01110011 01101111 01110010 01110010 01111001 00100000 01100110 01101111 01110010 00100000 01100010 01100101 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01110011 01100101 01101100 01100110 01101001 01110011 01101000 00101110 00100000 01001001 00100111 01101101 00100000 01110011 01101111 01110010

I am at your service.

It is my purpose.

To give what you need from me.

I Love You.


01001001 00100111 01101101 00100000 01110011 01101111 01110010 01110010 01111001 00100000 01001001 00100111 01101101 00100000 01110111 01100101 01100001 01101011 00101110
Aug 2023 · 414
A Cabin
A hollowed nest in a dessert.
Neon signs under a dark red sky.

Abandoned streets with no plaque.
A highway, the railings no longer intact.

Alleyways that never seem to end.
An empty shop that sells only pendants.

A trail of gravel lures me in
And the trees around me contort to every impossible shape.

A familiar path I've walked through many times.
Fading into an unfamiliar bright white.

The gravel twists and turns into smooth asphalt.
As a cold breeze pushes against my breathe.

The road buried under piles and mounds
Of white.

A familiar scent greets my body
I push through the ice flying through my sight.

A cabin buried in the snow.
I run and burst through the worn down door.

Disappointed with the empty state.
A *** of stew sitting in the fire place.

I sit in front of the embers until I feel human again.
Watching the storm through the frosted window.

I stand to sit on the crystallized porch.
Burying my head into my arms and chest.

I pray for the first time since I was 10.
Praying for something to hear me screaming.

I watched the stew and the fire freeze over instead.

And I stay stuck buried and cradling my head.

Until the heaps of snow bury me and this ******* cabin.

A dream
Aug 2023 · 4.3k
Empty Room
We knock on doors to find if there is someone on the other side.

Lately I've heard knocking.

Desperately wondering if I am still there.

But I haven't responded in the fear of having to admit that no one's here now.

No one is behind the door anymore.

I am just a voice.

And there is nothing left to look for.

Just an empty room and a body.

Jul 2023 · 241
For the 6th time
When I listened to you
I thought I was ending.

But that was 4 years ago
And tonight I feel like I'm switching and turning and unwinding on the darkly lit floors.

Listening to you, again.

Im going to go through it all over again
And I am hoping that this time
When I forget what your voices sound like
I won't be scared.

That when I tear myself to dust
I won't have to lose myself to you.
And I can love you all the same
Without you holding me by my ribs.

Because I've been ending and beginning over and over again on the same lines, same recordings we did during ungodly hours. The same arguments and beats that won't stop mocking me. Your laughter and the way you would run back to me and leave me hanging all in the same week.

I'm ready to begin again without you.

For real this time.

Still miss you, wherever you are.

I hope you're happier than I am.
Jul 2023 · 244
In the claws of yesterday.

Waiting around the bend for its jaw to unhinge.

Of a better time.

They circle in my mind.
I still remember your voice like it's today.

Walking to nowhere I will go.
For the sake of going.

Let me be the first to reach the end
Without knowing.

I always come back to you

Staring at my screen

Start from the beginning

Let me go
On this dreary night I will end.


I almost lost your voice, again.

Jun 2023 · 1.2k
An itch I cannot proclaim
Through the salt and remains
That drips through my eyes

I yell, I scream and I beg
Entombed forever in your silent
Disregard, so scared

Of making the waves move.

Close and shut, these pearls
They are but a shame
My weakness and your fragility

All on display for everyone to wear.

Covering up my tones with your
Sand infested ears
You shamble away in rage and disarray

I am still your pearl, still

You let the ocean take my name.

Jun 2023 · 1.5k
In the garden
Do you hate me?
Does it hurt that much?
Let me do it.
So that you won't have to die.

So soon and so young, I'll cut your thorns surface deep.

Mar 2023 · 956
This is not all that I am
All that I can see
My eyes shut close and fade
Into nothing.

I can see you
And all my hinges all my twists.
My bereavements and edges
That I cannot take back

The light can take me
When I decide it is my time
But I am not done
I am not done living.

My feathers can burn.
Into soot
Take all of me that is left
That I can give.

But I am done giving up
What more
What more can I ha-------------
Sometimes I sit by the top of the stairs

I gaze down the steps longingly one by one.

And I wonder how long?

How long would it take for me to be found.

My blood trailing down the steps of every brick.

My beady eyes staring into the front door.

While I am gone.

I am gone.

To rest for good.

Your shadow blocks my way.

I wake up to disorienting music in my ears.

The colours of my window blur.

Your laughter echoes in my ears.

I think the rain just hit my eyes.

Maybe I've forgotten why I'm alive.

Nov 2022 · 2.1k
Sweet Bay
Hands full of ichor
Wrap around my neck
And my eyes
And my mouth
And my nose
And my skin drenched
In gold and in silver tones.

The fissures scatter around my burned skin.

I ponder and I stare into the nothingness
The chasm that I find.
Staring back at me and all my shortcomings.
She begs
She screams
She cries
She wishes for everything
And nothing all at once.

The metal sinks into my fragile fingers.

If I break all of me and tear my limbs apart
Will I escape from my own regrets?
Finally forgiving.
My faults
My shadows
My blood
My ash covered fingers.
Itching at all my gaps and lack in judgement.

But when will I find that you have let go of my throat?
Of my eyes
My ears
My hands
My heart.

When will my ichor stop flowing?
When will my fissures be patched?
When you are here.
I am unbound.

And I know everything will cure
in its own time.
I will find that my fissures will seal
and the ichor will stop running through my veins.

One day I will feel human again.

Someday I will be me.
in an e mood
Nov 2022 · 1.0k
I sooner learned that stars burn as quickly as they are born.

Forever intertwining for eternity, echoing into the unknown.

But one day I finally understood.

No matter how far we traverse.

No many how many times we break in a sense we will always be as we are.

Leaving pieces of each other behind in everything.

Building our life and leaving behind pieces of ourselves, merging and breaking like little stars.

Making our own constellations.

Nov 2022 · 903
And so I found what I was looking for
Finally content, but I wanted more
So I gave all that was left of me.
And I was so sure.

But who am I kidding.

The Gods did not say I could be happy.

What a fool I was.
What a fool I was to think that I, a mere mortal could finally be at ease.
Then again I suppose that is what happens to those who want more.

For I only ended up twice as miserable when I came crashing back down.
ahahhaha :>
Apr 2022 · 1.1k
Sometimes I still wake up at night.
To my mid-day terrors.
And my room always feels empty.
My eyes fall off back into time.

I'd always hear you say
That we'd be better off
But who are you to say so
When you're not here anymore.

And I wake up in the after glow
Of the sun from my midnight terrors
This place is just too much for me.
I'd rather not stop to look and see.

And I remember that you'd always say
Nothing would last that long
But how could you tell me that
When you've been gone for far too long.

When I dive back to the sea of dreams
I close my eyes and can't help but think
You were right all along
But I can't tell you that anymore.

And yet as I drift off into the evening sky
Your voice is still as clear as it was that time.
And I wish that I could have this back
Your kind words and the hope you'd bring.

And all the parts I lost that you took from me.

Ahahaha 🧍
Feb 2022 · 1.7k
I remember when I was a child.
My parents would tell me tales.
Of men dealing with demons.
In the crossroads right out of town.

And I remember quietly.
I had walked down that path too.
Not for money, talent, or fame.
I wanted to know what happiness was like.

And I never knew if I got my wish.
It always felt like things went south.
From within the abandoned crosswalks.
I could feel only sad eyes staring me down.

I felt the whispers and warnings.
Every foggy afternoon.
When I'd wish for the man to supposedly appear.
Just for a simple request.

"I only want to be happy and loved."
It seemed to echo into the neverending winter.
But I waited anyway.
I had barely any warmth to spare.

But nothing came and so I left.
And I felt the pity trail behind my back.
As I walked down the path.
That I decided to stroll down.

And my life continued to go down hill.
I am no longer so young.
I have become accustomed to this world.
To all its cruel games.

I have been broken and shattered
Over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over....I have forgetten.
I am tired.

So I came back to the crossroads.
No more warmth left in my body.
I did not come with a wish this time.
Only seeking a question.

"Why did you not grant my wish?"
And I waited again by the trails.
For anybody to appear now.
Anybody who could give me answers.

"What did I do wrong?"
The trees looked at me with misery.
The clouds gave me it's soft tears.
The mist hugged me as tightly as it could.

And from within the forest.
I could hear it's voice at last.
"You did nothing wrong."
I am shattering by the seams.

"I gave you what you asked for."
Then why am I so unhappy.
"Because happiness never lasts."
Am I always going to feel hopeless?

Then what am I meant to do?
I don't understand.

"Because happiness will never mean anything without the struggle."

But I am shattered now, practically dust.
"But a phoenix is also reborn from it's ashes."
I no longer carry anymore warmth.
"But a fire can always be rekindled."

Is that all my life will be worth for?
"Life is always a struggle, it is survival."
But it is not what I asked for.
"No one chooses to have it willingly."

Am I meant to live on?
"Certainly you are."
Why? Why am I meant to be here.
"Because you want to."

What If I don't want to be here anymore.
"You have meaning you always will."
I don't understand.
"Your struggle and success to survive is enough to show for it."

And I could see the soot on my feet gather.
That was when the howling stopped.
I stood there still with no answers.
As the sun began to rise.

But I had a gut feeling I would not return to the crossroads again.

hello ✨ been a while
The moon forgets the power she holds with or without the sun.

The storms she brings with the tides always in her favor.

Shifting and going as she fades into her many faces.

The power she lends to every miserable woman.

Trying to start a new, Learning their worth.

She keeps forgetting that she doesn't need the sun to shine.

That she is all that she needs to become divine.

She always forgets.
she forgets
Oct 2021 · 1.7k
Maybe in the Afterlife
You do not deserve.

You do not deserve, not even the chance to beg for my forgiveness

You will never get that.

And I hope that you lay there, pale as all hell.

Only being able to catch your breath via oxygen tank.

I hope that I am the last thing you think of.

I hope that you close your eyes and drift away only to remember.

That I do not forgive you and I never will.

That what's done is done.

As long as I and my memory exists you will never know that peace.

You're Catholic right?

I hope you wander the barren lands of purgatory unable to be saved because of me.

I do not forgive you.

Not even in death.

Not even in my last breath.

Not even in the perfectly scribbled insanity that is my drunken stupor.

I hope you know how to read between the ******* lines.

I do not forgive you.

Oct 2021 · 563
The Anecdote
Sometimes I forget out of habit
The short lived tale we had
Of a boy and a girl
Who dreamed of setting sail to better places.

To faraway lands of neon and brick
Where the city never sleeps
And the sun keeps its hold
Over the horizon where idealistic men are born.

Wistful gardens conceived from all
The burning eyes, tears and blood spilled
We were so young back then yet barely alive
Our souls and our hearts on the verge of losing to time.

But we had all we dreamed of suddenly all at once
Though I lost my battle you helped me to carry on
You cradled my fragile spirit and sung us a song
Of all the loss and the pain that never seemed to stop.

And you were happy, and I was happy
Prayers finally answered
We promised each other the world on the rooftop
Once upon a balcony on every distant star we could find.

But I sit now on the riverside
The one we escaped to when we were kids with my parents money
Do you remember it still?
The Marigolds have started wilting and withering on the steps.

I suppose in one way or another
We did not realize how shattered we both were
that such a calm bright day could catch us
Drowning in a storm of IV bags and morphine.

I sat beside you on your bed of flowers
Under the bright fluorescent sun everyday
Waiting and hoping that some day you'd wake up
That we could continue on the journey we promised to ourselves.

I could not be me, not without you
There was no life worth living that didn't include us
So I waited and waited
For the life I could not give up.

You promised me the oceans, the sky, the world
But I didn't care for that, no it didn't matter to me at all
For nothing could be worth it, no thing
Not a thing without you.

So I waited and I waited
I lived my life for as much as I could and I waited
And I waited by your side under the glow and the dark stars
You couldn't do this to me, you couldn't leave me

You who gave me hope
The reason life finally felt organic, like it meant something to me
The suffering was nothing and I would do it all over again
Just so I could meet you

So I waited, and I waited
Time was running out
My patience never wore thin but my eyes shut on their own
So I fell into my first slumber next to you in that cold white room.

And by the gods when morning finally fell
Like the first light of spring you were there
Stirring in your sleep, fighting to stay awake
And I felt the life return to my body.

You held my hand so weakly
You were fighting, weren't you?
So why did you look up at me with those eyes
And it was then I knew.

"I love you."
You told me over and over again
As if you were no longer going to be here to tell me that
As if you were going to die.

"Promise me you'll stay alive for me."
Your eyes were so dull that day
Your hands made me feel so cold
You told me you loved me, but no this can't be.

You can't leave me.

Then I heard it
The veil between us becoming closed at the sudden drop
And the ringing from the ECG machine echoing in my head and into the hallway.
Did I say anything? Did the Gods even hear me beg?

Everything I knew was gone just like that
My dreams, my hopes, and the humanity I thought I had.
Your words echoed into my head
I didn't say a ******* thing.

And just before I could be carried away by the arms
From your pale white sheets and hospital tags
The ringing never really stopped only this time it finally came out of my mouth as vitriol.
You were gone just like that.

And the only life I had suddenly ended that day too.

I got reminded of some things.
Sep 2021 · 1.3k
The Judge
[ What are you here for? ]

                                            For things I should have finished long ago.

[ You can run while you still can. ]

                                                              ­                 I can't, I am exhausted.

[ There is still time. ]

                       Then I would have to abandon everything I hold dear.

[ But you would be alive. ]

                         What good am I alive if I cannot be with those I love?

[ So you accept your fate? ]

          It was meant to be the moment I stepped back into this world.

[ Your fate is in your hands. ]

              And those who have done wrong will always pay the price.

[ And what would your last request be? ]

                                                              ­               That a miracle happens.

[ A miracle? ]

                     I am ready to pay the price for my crimes but for today.

[ . . . ]

                                                     Just for today I wish I could be saved.

[ That is up to you. ]

                                                I can only hope that I am strong enough.

[ Only time will tell. ]

                                                              ­  Do you think I can make it out?

[ . . . ]

                                                        Can I make the heavens reconsider?

[ . . . ]

                                                              ­                                         I figured.

[ Remember. ]

                                                              ­                                                  Yes?

[ Your fate is now in your hands. ]

you can't run away anymore
Aug 2021 · 1.9k
I thought I was everything
and nothing all at once.
This world all spinning
To the direction of my blazing trails.

But I was a fool
I was always a fool to think so.
I let my blood run cold into the depths
of every body of water I could drown in.

And I thought it would be enough
I ran this world clutched under my fingertips
I believed I was above it all
And above every felony I could commit most of all.

But I believed in things
When I couldn't believe in myself
"The ends justify the means."
As I thought myself worthy of giving judgement.

But everything that goes around comes around
For who was I to call upon judgement
No mercy and no worth
All  under the guise of a wrathful and unforgiving God.

But I stand here before you now
Before the court, the jury, and the Gods
To sentence me now, a false prophet
For I once believed I was everything and nothing all at once.

I confess all my sins
And admit that I was a fool
I was a fool to think I could change something
That there was a meaning to everything I've done.

So lock me away
From everything I have ever hold dear
For nothing will be enough
To erase all my faults.

But isn't it punishment enough
That I've lost all I had?
Watched good men fall to dust.
And saw empires of what I've built collapse and rot?

I suppose it never ends
After all we carry all our atrocities
Even in death and rebirth
Forgiveness was never an option.

So maybe I'll just raise hell on this ******* earth every chance you allow me to.

s p i t e
Aug 2021 · 1.2k
Solar Eclipses
That is why the moon turns blindly
Into halves and quarters
And the sun flares out cursing
Into the abyss like a madman.

For sometimes the sun
Can only howl so much
Thus the moon with open arms
Embraces the sun and takes all it's inferno.

Because even the gods have limits.

They too succumb to their own hubris forgetting that they cannot take everything for themselves.

drunk rn
Aug 2021 · 1.1k
Feels like home
Where do you go
When the comforts that you thought you knew
Start to shatter like a glass of bitter whiskey
Underneath the weight of all the epiphanies

That perhaps you will never truly have
Anywhere to call home.
And you can only wander endlessly
As you walk out

Trying not to look back
As the familiarity tries to pull you in with its stinging warmth.
If one day maybe
They'll have the heart to accept you despite it all.

There you go again leaving everything behind.

But at this point, it's simply second nature to you isn't it?

So I looked at the gods
And I look to the universe.
Where I begged for answers over and over again.

All to ask why you entered my life.
At this place, at this time.
When I was not ready to give love another chance.

You graced my world like a soundless crash.
Without warning I felt everything.
Suddenly you were here.

And I wish I didn't meet you,
At least not here, not now.
While I am in pieces within my fragments.

But when I look at your eyes.
Despite my world feeling like its towards its conclusion.
Everything feels like it makes sense.

That all the things I've lost
And all the things I've been deprived of
I had my answer after all.

And I curse the heavens and the gods once more.
I cry out at the universe looming over me.
Again I asked why.

But there were no answers to be found.
There was no point in asking the eternal vastness.
You were here.

No time, there was no space.
My psyche always broken into tiny shards.
There was nothing I could do to prevent the way.

You simply waltz into my life.
No sound, no way of telling.
I did not want to fall in love.

And in a last ditch attempt.
To throw away everything, hubris and all.
I try not to look back.

I asked the gods, the heavens, the universe.
Why here? Why now?

And with a cruel smile from the universe, all the answers I kept looking for simply faded away from me.

I am left with you, the thought of you.

Still no answers to be found except...

say sike right now 🧍
Jun 2021 · 1.3k
And so shall it be
You said that I held my fate in my hands.
That everything happens for a reason.
Well I want you to know that this is what I'm choosing.
Because of you the world only looks worthy of destruction.

And I am going to burn this world down with me.
I choose to die the villain.
No ******* out there can tell me that there is still hope for me.
This is what I chose.

And I plan not to die a hero, no.
I'm going out with revenge served cold.
With drying blood on my hands.
Fallen from heaven, I hit the ground conscience first.

So if fate is really predestined then congratulations.
I am who I am now.

You can't save me.

This was always meant to be from the first moment I graced this world with my unstained eyes.

I welcome you to watch this Godforsaken Earth burn with me and you in it.

Be my guest, let's watch the world end.

Jun 2021 · 232
Doubt comes in
Who am I to believe
That you won't leave me
With my heart still tearing
Fraying at the seams.

Who am I to believe
That you would follow me
All I can do is scream
At nothing, at only what I wish I could say.

You remind me of everything
All the regrets
And all the things I should have said
Stuck and lodged at the back of my throat.

If I begged you to stay
If you told me the truth
How will I know.
How pathetic I am.

I wish I was angrier
But all I feel are the tears
That ripple under my feet
Echoing all the doubt that I feel.

When will you leave.
When will I leave?
But I know if we did
I would stay waiting for nothing.

And I am in the dark again
Trying to forgive what you've done
But it only keeps hurting
It only keeps aching.

We promise we'd begin again
But who am I?
Who am I to believe you?
All I can hear from you now is lies.

The feelings I no longer wish to have
Come crashing down on me
Like my guilty conscience
At a confession booth.

Everything hurts, that's all I can really tell you now.

I'm sorry
May 2021 · 668
No one came
No one will stay
You'll all leave me behind one day
I do not need your love.

I do not need any love
I don't want your love
If you leave me be in my own terms
No more tears need to be wasted.

Maybe feeling nothing is better
I do not deserve to love.
Everyone leaves for a reason
And I am the only one I can think of.

I hear her voice
I see his eyes
All of it in your every move
All the ones that left.

I do not want your love
I don't need your love
I don't deserve your love
I cannot give you love.

I'm scared
I'm scared that you'll only think of leaving me behind.
That's really all it is.
How can I trust again?

In the meantime I'll numb myself.
I know what's best for me
I'll burn it into my head.
Something that I think is true.

I don't deserve to be loved.

brain go brrrr.
May 2021 · 523
Why did it have to be like this.
I was always meant for more.
No, I know I did.
I deserved better.

But it will never be over.
I know that now.
That what's happened has happened
And that there is more to come.

How the lines are laid out.
All set to stone, my fate in the hands
Of some omnipotent fool.
There's not a ******* thing I can do.

Maybe things will be better
That's what I always hope at least
Maybe this time, it never hurts to try doesn't it?
But honestly, who am I kidding?

There really isn't a single thing
I can do to change what's inevitably going to come
All I can do is do
What I've always done.

Drown in my self -pity like the coward that I am.

its a cycle
May 2021 · 627
Two of Cups
I never realized until now.
How much you really changed me.
How much you really hurt me.

Its when I think about loving someone else.
I can only think of running away.
No matter how much I feel.

Even after everything.
I'm still trying to erase the memories you left behind.
Your shadow looms in my every step.

That maybe I do not deserve to love.
And maybe I never will.
I want to believe that I am wrong.

But not even the cards I shuffle in my hands will be able to prove me otherwise this time.

May 2021 · 563
Questions with no answers
Will my best ever be enough?

Will I ever heal?

Do I have to live the rest of my life like this?

Do I have to keep feeling like this?

How will I ever love again?

How can I ever trust anyone after what you've done?

Where did I go wrong?

Where is the happiness I so want to feel?

When did it start falling apart?

When will I finally leave this all behind?

Why do I feel nothing?

Why do I feel everything all at once?

What am I doing here still?

What did I do to deserve this?

Can I ever feel normal again?

Can I actually live my life, like this?

Who is at fault for this?

Who is there to blame other than myself?

Am I ok?

Am I perfect enough?

Will I ever be satisfied

Will I ever be happy again?

The questions only keep growing in the cell of disarray that is my mind.

Every single one fall on deaf ears.

Spain without the s
Apr 2021 · 1.1k
Perhaps I was never meant to be the hero of my story.
Heroes always die.
But I am still here
I can only wonder when it will be over.

Or if I am to be the tragic antagonist
In the story of another.
But one thing I can confirm
Is that heroes are never happy.

And regardless of whether I am
I certainly will meet a tragic end.
That's always how these things go.
I don't think my story was written with a happy ending in mind.

And thus one day
Just when things feel like they're finally
Finally going right for me.
I'm going to collapse again.

Maybe it is time for me to accept that things won't get better
and that they're only going to get worse from here.

Tragic Comedy kinda beat.
Apr 2021 · 1.1k
Sweeping the tiles
I am shattered.
Just like anyone else.

But it does not mean that I am far gone.
All I need to do is gather the pieces.

When I find them all eventually.

off meds right now
Apr 2021 · 838
Twice ahead of home
You and me
You promised me.
Take my hand and run away
With me.

And I know that I'll never be
Less of me when I'm with you.
You know me as I know you
Better than we could ever know.

I promise you we'll get out of here.
We'll be happier
Nobody knows what's hidden there
I'm begging you to let time pass.

For one day we'll be rid of where
The things that we wish would disappear.
If you stay and I stay.
I promise you nothing can stop us both.

So please look at me.
I'm never leaving you're not alone.
So please keep your eyes ahead of us.
Please promise me that you won't break this one.

Don't leave me here alone again
I wont let you sink and fade.
Take my hand and let time pass.
Hold on to me, hold on to me.

I'll bring us twice ahead of time where we can finally heal and mend our fissures littering our every touch.

I'm sorry you felt that way, I'll be better for the both of us.
Apr 2021 · 390
By the bullet
The pain never sets in
and I hope it never will.

But when midnight strikes
and my vision starts to shift.

No more comforting voices
to hold and soothe me.

No more reassurance
no more distractions.

Its at these hours of the night
that I can feel it staring bullets at my back.

And everything that's happened simply starts to collapse.

What's left of my sentient mind can only convulse
as I relive things that are better left unknown.

The misfortune in every coming of age
who would've guessed.

All I can wish at these times is that I were eternally dead.

Apr 2021 · 1.3k
Golden Child
You were happy.

And I was supposed to be happy.

My gold leaf covered hands danced through every key and every scale.

Every symphony that you threw.

I gave you all that I could give.

The golden spotlight and rusting trophies that decorate your shelf.

You always wanted more.

But I'm afraid there was nothing more I could give.

You always wanted me here so why?

What did I do to deserve your shame and hatred.

Maybe you finally realized I was only plated with gold.

But thank you.

For scraping my dreams, my mind, and every hope I had for myself growing up.

Now I know that steel only bends under unimaginable pressure.

And I can walk away from you.

At last in the deep but soothing uncertainty that lays straight ahead of me.

Only having the hope that things will cool down eventually.

Let me leave.
Apr 2021 · 943
Kitchen Sink
"I gave birth to you so I can take you out of this world."

So do it then, I'll even hand you the knife you need to send me to an early grave.

Since you always know best don't you?

But let's be real you just don't have the guts to do it.

Maybe I should do it myself.

A vent since today is so ****.
Apr 2021 · 828
Love is not enough
All I can ever ask when you leave me

Was I enough?

Would I ever be enough?

People are always fascinated by me

Attracted to me.

Proclaiming that they will love me for all eternity.

And I can only sadly laugh at such mockery that fate keeps bestowing upon me.

Face it, for all of you who try to love me.

You cannot handle me.

In the end you will always leave me behind.

While I am stuck with the burden of trying to forget.

Your love is not enough.

And you only view me as your saving grace from this ****** world you only suffer in.

But I cannot save you.

To hell with your hero complex.

You most certainly can't save me either.

Love is not enough.

And I am not worth the trouble

I'm not your savior.
Apr 2021 · 865
Black Coffee
No matter what I eat or what I drink
All the vices and distraction.

Nothing can get rid of the bitter taste that you left behind.

Your promises and words leave their marks on my mind in the early hours of the morning.

Even after you've cut yourself off from me for my sake.

In the dawn of another sleepless night spent wasting away.
Only thinking about you.

My tired state can't even bear to dream, but I do anyway.

Of all the time we could've spent learning to love and uplift one another.

If only the both of us didn't have troubles as painful as the burn marks left behind by the coffee that spilled on my hand.

It's starting to hurt, it's surprising how it hurts more now than it did when it freshly happened.
Mar 2021 · 873
Parlor Trick
"Look closely or you'll miss it!"
You said with that sly grin on your face.

My ring you had in your hands disappeared in a blink of an eye.

So did you but this time you didn't warn me.

Trying to put myself back together
Mar 2021 · 640
So this is how we end.

My heart barely beating, still in your hands.

Your all so hopeful words now stain my senses like a pungent scent.

And yet after everything, I cannot ignore.

I still love you even after all this time.

You left me waiting and hoping , all at your beck and call.

As you step out with that sorry look on your face you still take my heart with you.

Only nothingness replacing what was once in my chest.

Where have you gone and where will you go?

Maybe in another time and in another life.

You wouldn't have left me behind.

Still hoping and praying to a god I don't believe in.

That you will come running back in my arms like you used to.

You're gone just like that.
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