The pain never sets in
and I hope it never will.
But when midnight strikes
and my vision starts to shift.
No more comforting voices
to hold and soothe me.
No more reassurance
no more distractions.
Its at these hours of the night
that I can feel it staring bullets at my back.
And everything that's happened simply starts to collapse.
What's left of my sentient mind can only convulse
as I relive things that are better left unknown.
The misfortune in every coming of age
who would've guessed.
All I can wish at these times is that I were eternally dead.
Bloodstains on the white carpet
She lies supine, gaze fixed on the ceiling
Smothered by an infinite ocean of red
Never to be seen again
You were happy.
And I was supposed to be happy.
My gold leaf covered hands danced through every key and every scale.
Every symphony that you threw.
I gave you all that I could give.
The golden spotlight and rusting trophies that decorate your shelf.
You always wanted more.
But I'm afraid there was nothing more I could give.
You always wanted me here so why?
What did I do to deserve your shame and hatred.
Maybe you finally realized I was only plated with gold.
But thank you.
For scraping my dreams, my mind, and every hope I had for myself growing up.
Now I know that steel only bends under unimaginable pressure.
And I can walk away from you.
At last in the deep but soothing uncertainty that lays straight ahead of me.
Only having the hope that things will cool down eventually.
Let me leave.
"I gave birth to you so I can take you out of this world."
So do it then, I'll even hand you the knife you need to send me to an early grave.
Since you always know best don't you?
But let's be real you just don't have the guts to do it.
Maybe I should do it myself.
A vent since today is so ****.
All I can ever ask when you leave me
Was I enough?
Would I ever be enough?
People are always fascinated by me
Attracted to me.
Proclaiming that they will love me for all eternity.
And I can only sadly laugh at such mockery that fate keeps bestowing upon me.
Face it, for all of you who try to love me.
You cannot handle me.
In the end you will always leave me behind.
While I am stuck with the burden of trying to forget.
Your love is not enough.
And you only view me as your saving grace from this ****** world you only suffer in.
But I cannot save you.
To hell with your hero complex.
You most certainly can't save me either.
Love is not enough.
And I am not worth the trouble
I'm not your savior.
No matter what I eat or what I drink
All the vices and distraction.
Nothing can get rid of the bitter taste that you left behind.
Your promises and words leave their marks on my mind in the early hours of the morning.
Even after you've cut yourself off from me for my sake.
In the dawn of another sleepless night spent wasting away.
Only thinking about you.
My tired state can't even bear to dream, but I do anyway.
Of all the time we could've spent learning to love and uplift one another.
If only the both of us didn't have troubles as painful as the burn marks left behind by the coffee that spilled on my hand.
It's starting to hurt, it's surprising how it hurts more now than it did when it freshly happened.
"Look closely or you'll miss it!"
You said with that sly grin on your face.
My ring you had in your hands disappeared in a blink of an eye.
So did you but this time you didn't warn me.
Trying to put myself back together