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May 2022 · 761
Vale Luna May 2022
When I grew out of my adolescence
I lost my crippling thrist to write

I stopped cutting myself in my early 20's;
just like the research articles said I would

Disorder direction, however,
was not the cause of my coping correction

I moved away from rampant tantrums
Sliding down the ***** of sufferance

I used to write to externalize my internal desperation
My frustration with the life I was given
(Certainly not the choices I've made)

Over a decade of time has aged me
From a helpless girl, to an impassive woman
Submissive to circumstance

Now, I chain bricks to my ankles
And throw myself in the sea of apathy

I will not expend the energy to care,
but rather intentionally strive for indifference

In doing so, I sacrifice my desire to write…
Losing desperation makes me hollow

Then again, helplessness is for children.

I am a woman now.

I no longer crave the ability to describe my emotions
Asking for help is not a viable option anymore
I've tried that long enough
May 2021 · 694
Vale Luna May 2021
Lay me down in the bed
you've slept in hundreds of times
It's your habitat
But I intend to make it my nest

I settle into the softness of your kisses
Countered by the weight of your body
A gentle whisper tells me,
"I want to *******"
Before I am swept away
By a tornado of lust and wanton moaning

My desire gets lost
Wandering the canvas of another person's skin
I feel a hand on my throat
Guiding me like a traveler providing directions
Yes, "choke me"
"Choke me harder"
Squeeze like you want to hurt me
Even if you care for me
"Harder" like you hate me

It's enough to send me reeling
I hit the edge, slamming into ******
Your grip on my neck loosens
          Soft kisses
Compensate for our carnal behavior

As I lay under you
A feeling I don't recognize rears its head
Not happiness, no
Euphoria, yes
I've claimed your bed as my refuge.
May 2021 · 1.4k
Vale Luna May 2021
Time slithers away
Fed to the infinite void
that is the past
It slinks slowly into the present.
Why do blood and roses
share the same color?
A crimson droplet
A crimson petal
Both fragments of life
One salter that the other

Throw me in a cage
And watch me bite at my tail;
A ravenous dog
ruined by the boredom of captivity
Tick tock
Another droplet
Another sliver of life
It falls into the puddle
Back into the void.
Self harm triggered by boredom.
Apr 2021 · 1.0k
Open Your Eyes
Vale Luna Apr 2021
I slept with my door open
Footsteps down the hall;
Left, right, creak, pause
The insides of my eyelids become an abyss
Left, right, left, right (faster…)
Left, right, left, right (faster!)
Left, right, left, right (FASTER!)
Left, right; It reaches my door frame
The weight vanishes ‒‒ I open my eyes
Like there always has been.

I face my open door
The heaviness returns ‒‒ my eyes close
Creak, right, left, right, pause
The void covering my eyes arrives
An outline pierces through my sight
Left, right…
It sits on the edge of my bed
“It’s very nice to be invited in,
People… remarkably quick to lock me out”
A pointed nail drags against my arm
The outline against the abyss reveals a set of claws
“Extraordinarily soft people,”
The weight is broken through
I look around the darkness
Like there always has been.

I try to sleep with the door open
The heaviness is aggressive this time
It’s outline sits, looming over me
“I have not been in many rooms,
Yours is the most stimulating.”
It envelopes my vision
I feel a warm breath on my ear
“I have always wondered…
If the human is still alive when I bite it
Will it scream?”
I feel a set of razor sharp teeth settle onto my neck
I struggle to break through the weight
My eyes open
Like there always has been.

Who sleeps with their door open?
The force closing my eyes swallows me
The creature’s outline flops
against the black backdrop
It’s thorny teeth the only visible ****** feature
“Before I go, I must request something”
It shifts closer to me in bed
A whisper speaks,
“Look me in the eye.”
The weight wrestles me
I win by stubbornness
When I look around my room, I see
Like there always has been.

I tried sleeping with my door open
The heaviness hits me like a wave
slamming against rocks
Along with its teeth,
The outline attained eyes
Bulging through a skull,
littered with cracks
“Thank you,”
Its blade-like teeth spread
“It’s good to know I’m welcome here.”

When I awake, I hear
Like there always has been.
I look towards my door…
It’s closed,
Which is odd,
because I’m certain I fell asleep with it open.
Feb 2021 · 1.3k
Don't Open Your Eyes
Vale Luna Feb 2021
Open your eyes
Look at me
and tell me what I have become.
I cannot see for myself
My reflection melts mirrors
and turns puddles into vapor
I glare into the abyss
Hoping to catch a glimpse of my own pupils
I don’t know what I look like
Tell me,
How will my eyes look
when our stares meet for the first time?
Yes, I tore out the soul
Behind the doors of flesh covering my eye sockets
I have scraped my nails against bone
As my fingers pressed into my eyes
and carved out the consciousness that possessed me

Open your eyes
I need to know how my skin pulsates
What undulating form has it taken today?
Can you hear it?
Gurgling restlessly
My shape refuses to remain consistent
Tell me,
What will my body look like
when you lay eyes on me?
Yes, I am wounded
The color crimson oozes from my pores
It sticks to my flesh possessively
I collect chunks of the liquid on my skin
As I imagine it decorates me nicely

Open your eyes
I need you to describe my limbs
For I always feel that I am reaching
for something I cannot obtain
My fingers squirm
into tight crevices and holes they are unwelcome in
Like curious, thoughtless insects
Unaware of the consequences for prying
Tell me,
What will my limbs appear as
when you set sight on me?
Yes, I have fought against conformity
by twisting my bones out of line
Listen. Hear each splintering cracks
defining how I am different

Open your eyes
You have to answer what my expression looks like
I can never seem to sync my face with my emotions
It’s tricky to coordinate such complex ideas
Tell me,
What will my expression be
when you finally gaze upon me?
Yes, I’m afraid I can’t change that
I carved my smile with a butcher’s knife
from ear to ear
So I wouldn’t have to fake it anymore

Now open your eyes
Tell me what I have become
Shackle me to my image
Let me stare back at someone
who sees me for the first time.
Look at me.
Aug 2020 · 214
Who Am I?
Vale Luna Aug 2020
The melodic hum of Nothing
        sits atop the air,
droning on and over,
untethered to terrain or horizon;
It drools unceasingly-
         a chronic, abject symphony,
Ignored by the bustle of birth-
though subservient
               all the same
        To the unabated, morose consonance

The world will not wait for me.
A bit more 'academic' than my normal poetry...
Aug 2020 · 757
Stretched Thin (Anorexia)
Vale Luna Aug 2020
There is a dead girl in the mirror
She breathes rapidly,
Her heartbeat vibrates her body,
Palpitating whenever she stands
Skin stretches thinly over her ribs
        darkens under her eyes
        turns grey on her legs

She scowls at the pinch of fat on her belly
Preferring to be scolded,
But knowing it will only leave her more
    shortwinded - lightheaded

She understands she is dead,
Counting the months before her collapse
Only hoping to see herself become a skeleton
Before they put her in the ground.
Anorexia ***** fyi.
Aug 2020 · 244
Memento Mori*
Vale Luna Aug 2020
Time runs faster
When it’s running out
Numbers sprinting towards the end
Only to be faced
With a brick wall
There’s no finish line ahead

There’s no winning
No participation trophy
Just the inevitability of death
Time speeding up still
Pronounced by the chimes
Of the clock your head

Will you make your life’s conclusion
As worthwhile as it’s intro?
Memento mori,
Hurry, my friend
Your time will soon reach zero.
* Latin for “Remember Death”
Vale Luna Jul 2020
I have always been
too aware of the moon

Weeping because we will never
be closer together
Worshipping the ground
her light walks on
Worrying that her crescent’s point
will stab me in the back

I have never been
good with relationships.
Just got a new diagnosis a few days ago,,,,,,
think I'll make a series
Jul 2020 · 100
Vale Luna Jul 2020
What am I supposed to do
with the thoughts inside my head
if not to speak them?
But who do I have
to speak them to?
(I wonder)
Who do I have to talk to but myself?
So my mind thinks the words
            and speaks the words
                    and hears the words
and thinks the words
            and speaks the words
                    and hears the words
and thinks the words
            and speaks the words
                    and hears the words
And over,
        and over,
              and over...
Until the words
don't sound like words anymore.
Mar 2020 · 113
Vale Luna Mar 2020
I can speak in silence
If you can hear in grey and blue
The mountain slopes we met on
Flattened by your point of view
You sawed-off both my wings
But I, a chicken, anever flew
As if planting us in gravel
Would soften the way we grew.

How apt that we were as in sync
As a sonnet that is rhymeless
We had a lack of chemistry
Boiled down into a science
And I knew you had intentions
To countdown for what was timeless
Because you hear in grey and blue
As well as I can speak in silence.
Feb 2020 · 220
I Should Have Shot Twice
Vale Luna Feb 2020
I had a dream that I shot myself in the head
I collapsed in the driveway
And stared straight ahead
With tangible astonishment
Or palpable dread
Is this what it’s like to be dead?
I’m dead, I’m dead, I’m dead
Why am I still thinking? I’m dead.

I imagined everyone before me who’s died
And questioned if their brains
Also raced beyond the grave
If being buried dead was no different
Than being buried alive
But before I made up my mind
I awoke in a hospital bed
Breathing and thinking -- not at all dead

I reached up and touched the hole in my head
Rethinking the seconds I thought I had died
I cried, I cried, I cried
“Why did this happen to me?” I cried.
Not because of my actions
But because I had survived.
Feb 2020 · 239
On a Regular Monday
Vale Luna Feb 2020
I want to be wild
I want to be tame
I want to break something, without taking the blame

I want to stay in my room
I want to be less alone
I want to go travel, without leaving home

I want to play by the rules
I want to start cheating
I want to get rest, without ever sleeping

I want to be drunk
I want to be sober
I want to grow up, without getting older

I want to keep it together
I want to keep crying
I want to be obedient, without really complying

I want to stay silent
I want to be heard
I want someone to talk to, without speaking a word

I want to starve myself
I want to keep eating
I want to be acquainted, without ever meeting

I want to stay single
I want to be married
I want to be in the ground, without being buried

I want to be feared
I want to be loved
I want to cut myself, without cleaning up blood

I want to get better
I want to stay ill
I want to stop hurting, without taking the pills

I want to be noticed
I want to be see-through
I want to want life, I don’t want to need to

I want to keep living
I want to just die
I want to say “hello”, without saying “goodbye”.
Jan 2019 · 410
Vale Luna Jan 2019
When you have someone asking you
If you feel suicidal
Eight times a day
You start to feel like maybe you should be
They would have let you go by now

You blink.
And notice
There are no clocks on the walls
Making you painfully aware
That the ticking sound is just in your head
Trying to cope
Without the security of time

They tell you you have to feel better
Before you can go home
But you have to be home
In order to feel better
You know that.
But you start to wonder
If they’ll ever figure it out

It occurs to you
That this group of strangers
Are now in control of your life
They could lock the door for months
Isolate you from all you know
And tell you it’s for your own safety

You are stuck.

The lights in the hallway flicker
Like the programmed beginning
Of a horror movie
You blink.
And another set of lanyards and clipboards
Are standing in front of you
Asking if you feel like hurting yourself
Or someone else today


It’s getting harder to tell the truth
And the other patients;
Vociferously desperate around you
Are the most intense form of peer pressure

Seconds feel like hours
And days like years
You blink.
And the frustration of keeping your sanity
Drips from your eyes
Your own tears used as evidence
For the lie they want you to admit

Your eyelids droop
Heavy with the exhaustion
Of keeping a sound mind

Either way
You know it’s only a matter of time
Before you blink again.
Based on my time in the hospital...
Oct 2018 · 2.3k
Master's Toy
Vale Luna Oct 2018
Master’s toy
Wants to be played with
Oh, please, come play with me
I am yours
And only yours
I think that you’d agree

Pick me up
By my puppet strings
And watch me dance around your bed
Pick me up
And amuse yourself
I want a place inside your head

Master! Master!
Come visit me
Inside my little dollhouse
I simply long
To be your plaything
You’re the cat, I’ll be the mouse

Master! Master!
I get lonely
When I’m not held within your clutch
As your doll
All I have
Is constant longing for your touch

There’s one purpose
I am trained for
And that’s for you to enjoy
Forever conditioned
Forever enslaved
To be Master’s little toy.
Jun 2018 · 459
Scrawlings of a Madman
Vale Luna Jun 2018
The scrawlings of a madman
Stuck in my head
They aren't meant to be seen
And certainly not read
Insanity through carvings
The life that I led
For the period of time
That I lived my life dead
Black rivers of nonsense
Like the blood that I shed
The words on the paper
Hang by a thread

The scrawlings of a madman
Slain in my bed
Poisonous ink
My appetite fed
Just ****** and repeated
My limp body spread
Crystal white sheets
Now dripping with red
Ripped open too wide
From the places I bled
The logical lunacy
Fills me with dread

The scrawlings of a madman
All wisdom has fled
Turn the next page
And forget what I said
It seems I forgot
The demons I wed
The scrawlings of a madman
Came from my head.
Jun 2018 · 559
Destined to Drown
Vale Luna Jun 2018
I’m barely keeping my head above water

Other people
Made it look so easy
To backstroke through their days
With nothing to worry about
Except pruny fingertips
And what swimsuit to wear

It looked easy

Only after I jumped in
Did I realize that
I wasn’t born to swim
I wasn’t born with the ability to float
I wasn’t born with the talent to tread

Maybe I’m just dense

With a brain full of blanks
And a stomach full of stones
I’m guaranteed lungs full of liquid
To drag me down
To make every moment a living hell

I was born to sink

I often think of quitting
Letting the ocean consume me
Swallow me whole
As the waves seem to be
The only things
That ever wanted me

I’m barely keeping my head below water.
May 2018 · 1.5k
Vale Luna May 2018
When I see you
I get caterpillars in my stomach
Not grown enough to be butterflies
But alive enough
    To make me feel sick

The constant crawling
A thousand tiny legs
Scurrying up my esophagus
Ready to throw up
A feeling too real to ignore
And too nauseating to admit

So when I see you again
I’ll just keep my mouth shut
Live with the taste of dirt on my tongue
And swallow the caterpillars
   That live in my stomach.
May 2018 · 730
Delicate Love
Vale Luna May 2018
A love so fragile
That it hurts when I breathe
Shattered memories
Swept by the breeze

A love so scrambled
That it leaves me confused
My heart’s been abused
Black and blue bruised

A love so tangled
That it ends up in knots
A tied-up blood clot
Starting to rot

A love so unraveled
That it loses control
A physical toll
Burnt on my soul

A love so fragile
That is breaks when I try
Starting to know why
I do nothing but cry.
May 2018 · 437
Puzzle Box
Vale Luna May 2018
The walls were closing in on me
Where the floor was rising
And the ceiling was sinking
Determined to suppress me to dust
A Chinese puzzle box
That’s more of a trap
Than a puzzle
For me to waste my time
Fiddling with the padlock
When there is no code
Discovering the key
When there is no hole
Turning the ****
When there is no door
An unsolvable problem
That I kept on trying to solve
Until my room was a box
And my box was a prison
And my prison was my life
Determined to suppress me to dust.
Vale Luna Feb 2018
(read forward, then backward, line by line)

I ran.
Not knowing what else to do
There was so much blood on my hands
It was mine
The kitchen knife
Caught in my chest
Consumed by
I was heightened by
But running on
Wasn’t enough
While trying to stay calm,
Losing control
It was me that would end up
Dead. Because
He was
In front of me
The whole time
It was too late
I found myself
Locked in chains
My fate was
Forward: from the victims perspective.
Backward: from the murderers perspective.

Jan 2018 · 1.3k
Moon Drip
Vale Luna Jan 2018
I think the Moon knows
I'm watching Her
Because sometimes,
                           She leaves me presents
It may sound silly
But I've got a jar full of Her secrets
That I keep in a lockbox under my bed
The pass code; Luna
So I'll praise Her title
Each time I uncover
The hidden gifts She's given to me

Purified droplets of moonlight.

The size of a jewel
The weight of a diamond
The glow of an angel
The shine of a star

The Moon probably knows
I'm watching Her
Because sometimes,
                            I find a drop
In the bud of a flower
                  in the pit of a well
                  in the cave of an animal
                  in the crack of a rock
                  in the hollow of a tree
                  in the current of a stream
And on the rarest of occasions
I'll find Her lodged between the pages
Of my notebook

I've collected a dreams worth of gems now
So whenever I find myself,
- Swallowed by the void -
I'll have enough moonlight in my jar
To ignite the darkest of days
And the presence
                             of Her presents
Will go unnoticed by no shadow
Or creature of the night.

Luna knows I'm watching Her.

I'll continue to gaze from below
And let no stone go unturned
So when the Moon drips again
I'll be there to catch Her
Another crystallized droplet of a blessing
To tuck away
In the box under my bed.
Jan 2018 · 792
Food for Thought
Vale Luna Jan 2018
My brain is a bowl of spaghetti
I can be turned with a greedy hand
And a rusty fork
Eating my thoughts
From an unwashed container

Please stop eating.

I don’t think I can afford
To lose another fork-full
    another strand of memory
Let alone
Be mixed up
With the other ingredients
Poured into my skull

It seems I’m getting sloppy.

Refills are impossible
Because the more I try to stuff inside
The more the contents overflow
And the threads of words
Come spilling out
When I beg them not to


I hate contradicting myself
But without anyone eating
And without room for refills
The nutrients inside
Will begin to rot
And disintegrate
Into nothing but molded mulch
So everything I try to retain
Will be useless
    and inedible

The filth accumulates.

Insanity will be the smell of my mind
It will control my every action
A single whiff
Strong enough
To lower the IQ of a genius

I’m losing myself.

I’d try to explain it
In understandable terms
But it seems the correct words
Were lost
    when I was bitten into
And scattered
    when I overflowed

This is what I tried to describe before:

My head is a box of noodles
I can be dented with a pinky finger
And a dull knife
Tasting my dreams
From a…
What were we talking about?
Vale Luna Jan 2018
The petals of a shadow
Sharp against the fingertips
A monopoly of acid
Dripping from a pair of lips

The duel wings of a shadow
Whistling through the ashes
Poison oozing from the pores
A tyranny of rashes

The heartbeat of a shadow
Lurks in the vacancy of noise
Creeping over the moonlight
Through a psychological void

The night roots of a shadow
Like tools of a mercenary
Inching up walls of the sky
Too palpable to bury

The mindset of a shadow
A lock of thorns splintering
A storm brewed with tears
Shards ripping through a bloodstream

The silhouette of darkness
The petals of a black rose
An epidemic of ail
Now swallowed by the shadows.
Jan 2018 · 366
What Did You Just Call Me?!
Vale Luna Jan 2018
Call me a monster
And I’ll be wicked
Call me a fool
And I’ll be stupid

Call me a freak
And I’ll live in the shadows
Call me a streaker
And I’ll lose all my clothes

Call me a beggar
And I’ll be down on my knees
Call me bedridden
And I’ll be diseased

Call me abusive
And I’ll punch black and blue
Call me a *****
And I’ll be ready to *****

Call me a tyrant
And I’ll take over mankind
Call me a thief
And I’ll rob you blind

Call me psychotic
And I’ll be deranged
Call me a danger
And I’ll be restrained

Call me replaceable
And I’ll get lost
Call me a cheapskate
And I won’t pay the cost

Call me a housewife
And I’ll cook dinner
Call me suicidal
And I’ll pull the trigger

Call me a cutter
And I’ll slit my wrist
Call me a no one
And I’ll cease to exist

Call me a black girl
And I’ll fit that design
But call me a ******?!
    You just crossed the line.
The end is what counts <3
Dec 2017 · 1.4k
Maternal Instincts
Vale Luna Dec 2017
Mommy! Mommy! I'm crying!
Jumping in the rocking chair
Baby, sit down, stop your whining.
Tearing a stranger’s underwear

Mommy! Mommy! I feel sick!
Sharp words spoken through *****
Sweetie, would you stop your joking?
A freshly rolled joint made for smoking

Mommy! Mommy! I can't breathe!
Hysteria from the panic
Dearest, just take some pills, please.
On the drugs from the attic

Mommy! Mommy! My chest hurts!
Rapid pounding through the shirt
Honey, shut up, drink your bottle.
Alcohol straight from the nozzle

Mommy! Mommy! I'm choking!
Falling into a seizure
Darling, would you quit your moaning?
A midnight *****, all too eager

Mommy! Mommy! I'm bleeding!
The sound of terrified weeping
Sweetheart, all you need is some sleep.
Gone too high on amphetamines

Mommy! Mommy! I'm dying!
Skin starting to change color
Baby, lay down, stop your whining.
Forgetting to be a mother.
Nov 2017 · 656
Missing Her Entourage
Vale Luna Nov 2017
I looked up at the Moon through the hole of a straw
Her dusk, crescent shape
The only thing that I saw
Blocked from my pupil to the darkness around
The rest of the stars
Blazing without sound

Take away the straw, gaze up at the sky
The whole picture I missed
Not seen in my eye
A mess of twinkles shoved into a collage
Starring above
The Moon and Her entourage

The Moon as their chief, keeping the playful tamed
But night rules are fair
Sparks are never contained
Dance around each other, sail kisses through wind
A shooting star zipped passed
Its light never dimmed

Sparkling stars, next to Her, you're an image
Stay close by Her side
To stretch beauty's limits
Litter the earth with a fistful of bright spots
Sing out in space
Leave it gleaming and hot

Shine as their leader and protect the night sky
Yes, Moon, that's your entourage
Stuck in my eye
Being naive, the Moon is all that I saw
So look at the whole
Not through the hole of a straw.
Nov 2017 · 469
The Clouds
Vale Luna Nov 2017
Have you ever looked up at the sky
When it was raining
And wondered where the clouds stop?
Because you know
That somewhere across the world
It isn't raining.

So where do the clouds stop?
Is it possible that someone
Is standing right at the edge
Of dry warmth
Gazing out into the cold wetness?

Where do the clouds stop?
Is it possible that someone
Is standing right at the edge
Of where the water falls
Staring out at the daylight?

Where do the clouds stop?
Is it possible to stand
Right at the divide
One hand being hit by raindrops
The other being hit by sun rays?

Where do the clouds stop?

Have you ever looked up at the sky
When it was raining
And wondered when the clouds will stop?
Because you know
That sometime in your future
It won't be raining.
Nov 2017 · 709
Freeze Frame
Vale Luna Nov 2017
I welcome psychotic breakdowns
Ugly crying
Violent arguments
And overwhelming bad news

Don’t worry
Each disturbing moment
Is just a chapter in my story
A short clip
In the kaleidoscope montage
That is my reality

Capture a heart wrenching moment
In three second bursts
And repeat
Until there's an hour of footage
So when it's done
Twenty years will have passed
From the first moment
To the last

In a futures world
I'll be better off
In a successful career
Traveling the world
Not famous enough to be recognized
But known enough to be quoted
For a line of my solemn life
To be an everyday phrase
Recounting my memories to strangers
Creating inspiration for the broken

Freeze frame.
And rewind.
Because this isn't my movie.

I'm in someone else's tale
No matter how tragic my back story is
I'll stay locked in
As a background character
A bully?
A victim?
A destroyer?
A teacher?
An enemy?
A friend?
Will they know I'm their co-star?
Will they make room for me on screen?
Will they even notice my presence?

I'll be forgotten
Lost in a sea of miniscule roles
So these disturbing moments
Won't be reduced to three seconds
And there'll be no Twenty years later flash forward
I'll be stuck in every second
Forever pushed to the sidelines
Forever questioning
If the next person I meet
Will be the main character
In this movie I'm trapped in
Nov 2017 · 351
The Right Person
Vale Luna Nov 2017
I want to find
The person
I was made
To be with

Not just
The person
I was made
To **love
Nov 2017 · 749
Pronounced Dead
Vale Luna Nov 2017
Poison only tastes like poison
After you swallow it
Too unfortunate
To admit
You've been murdered
Before you're dead
You know it's only a matter of time
Before you're coughing up red

This is your nightshade
Your parasite
Your venom
Your kryptonite
You know the harder you fight
The harder back - the poison will bite
Don’t slow down
Do take a breath
It’s the last time you'll breathe
Before your death
Or refer to it as “eternal rest”
To try and ease
The tightening in your chest

So panicked
So manic
Feeling entirely frantic
With urgency
But you were poisoned purposely
And you know without a doubt
Who set out
To knock you out

You'll look across the room
You'll feel it in your veins
Your eyes will lock with hers
You'll overflow with pain
It burns you from the inside
Nowhere to hide
She's filled with pride

Cuz she knows
She's the one who murdered you
And she also knows
That you know it too
The reason was clear
Why she put the poison in your throat
And when she kissed you
She knew there was no antidote

She leaned in close
So you'd hear the words that she said
And from what she whispered
She was pronouncing you dead

Suddenly it occurs to you
That with the venom on her lips
She will die too
Cuz love only feels like love
When you're falling into it
And poison only tastes like poison
After you've swallowed it.
Love is death... to some people anyway :)
Oct 2017 · 433
When Dreams Fly
Vale Luna Oct 2017
Last night
A dream flew to me
It sat on my shoulder
Right where I could see
Content with where I stood
It rested there peacefully
It sang a bittersweet melody
A beautiful lullaby
That I wanted only for me
This dream - for once -
Was within my reach
So I reached for it
But as soon as my fingertips
Touched it's wings
It flew away
Up into the sky
I just had to chase it
But humans can't fly
Doesn’t mean I wasn't going to try
I climbed up a tree
And took a leap of faith
But evidently
My dream was still too far away
Of course - I ended up falling back down
With a broken leg
And shattered hope
This failure was far too profound
I'll just lay on the ground
Next to where my dead dreams are
The dreams that lay
In their own decay
The dreams that never flew
The dreams I never knew
The dreams I neglected to come back to
Maybe if I had taken care of these dreams
I could have brought them home
So that when they developed
They wouldn't fly away alone
We'd take off together
Like birds of a feather
Neither of us would end up forgotten
Like a voice with no sound
Neither of us would be lying so broken
On this cold
And ***** ground
Look up
At all the dreams I've chased
Circling me in the sky
I look up and ask why they left me
I wonder why I couldn't fly
Those are the dreams
I dream about
The ones in the air
That fill me with doubt
The truth is:
I could never catch them
For I'll always be too weak
The truth is:
The only dreams I could catch
Are the ones that sit at my feet
The dreams that are all lying dead
Are the only ones
Within my reach.
Prompt: Within reach
Vale Luna Oct 2017

Stop shaking

Maybe you didn't press hard enough
So the bleeding will stop after an hour
And you’ll only be left feeling light-headed
Proving that you didn't have it in you

Try harder

If you want to commit ******
You have to commit to it
There is no half-assing a crime
It’s either all or nothing
And you've already gotten your hands *****
If you stop now
You'll be caught
But it's hard to be fearless
When the murderer and the victim are both you

Be braver

If you over analyse this
Your victim-side
Will prevent you from cutting deep enough
You have a sharp blade
But your will is weak
So strengthen it

Push past the pain

If it hurts
Of course it'll hurt!
It’s death
If you truly want it
Then your murderer-side
Will get over the agony and the guilt
To seek the power to succeed

Embrace the feeling

If you hospitalize yourself again
Your family won't forgive you this time
So finish the ******* job
Because the pills only gave you a tummy-ache
And the noose snapped under your weight
And the gun that Daddy hides doesn't have any bullets in it
So this is a last resort

Find your courage

If the bleeding stops
Pick up the blade
And try again
Don't be stupid by cutting horizontally
You've seen enough TV to know
That the cuts have to be vertical

Be desperate

If you feel yourself getting tired
Let yourself sleep
It means you're getting away with ******
It means you're succeeding

Don't wake up

If you do
You didn’t try hard enough
You weren't brave enough
You didn’t push past the pain
You couldn't embrace the feeling
You never found your courage
You weren't desperate enough

You're a failure
You're a ******* coward.
So yea I had to put trigger warning at the beginning of this one. It would be messed up if I didn't.
Please dont **** yourself...
Oct 2017 · 304
Drowning Black
Vale Luna Oct 2017
Brick by brick
Stone by stone
Screaming out
Shattered tones

Fleeting life
Wanting death
****** up dirt
Shooting ****

Vacant hole
Ill spirit
Puking ****

Crumbling veins
Spilling red
Broken blood
Damning dead

Darkest day
Blackest night
Drowning black
Losing light

Tempting fate
Inner itch
Hearts will freeze
Blood will twitch

Bruising cracks
Inside bones
Brick by brick
Stone by stone.
Oct 2017 · 576
More than a Migraine
Vale Luna Oct 2017
I think I'm depressed
Maybe I'm just being dramatic
But how am I to tell if depression is this feeling of constant static?
Is this what's got a hold on me?
A grasp on me?
Trying to suffocate the life out of me?!
But just because right now, I can't breathe
Doesn’t mean
Depression is the thing choking me

I might be depressed
But I'm fighting hard to keep it suppressed
What does it feel like?
It feels like pain
It sounds like agony
And it looks like strain
It tastes like my emotions being flushed down the drain
It smells like there’s something rotting inside my brain
A noose around my hope
Locked up with a chain
The throbbing in my head
Is not just a migraine

I think I'm depressed
But what if this is normal?
What if I'm just calling for attention?
An honorable mention
In the mental illness section
What's honestly just sadness
The cause of this madness
So I'm sinking
Drinking in this lie
In a debate against my own mind
Trying to find
The source of this
Should I tell someone?
Or let it be dismissed?
But if I let it go
Will I keep drowning in this abyss?
How will I know
If I can get over this?
Without medication?
Or a therapy session?
Building up my frustration
So tell me this:
Have I lost my foundation?
Is my mind splitting apart?!
Is this just the start?!
Would keeping my mouth shut really be smart?!

I might be depressed
Depression is defined as severe dejection
But what type of severe would put me in that section?
I want to be saved
But my fear is too great
Am I making this up?
Am I sealing this fate?
All these questions seem to be worsening my headache

The thoughts in my mind are a mess
This suffering isn't easy to digest
It feels like there's a weight on my chest
What to do now, I don't know what's best
I'm reluctant to address the rest
The ending now, you could have guessed
I have no words best to express
But I think that I might be depressed.
Dedicated to / written for: Whitehair. Ily girl <3
Oct 2017 · 1.1k
Vale Luna Oct 2017
For you

L    o    n     g
And hard

But for some reason

I wasn’t expecting
To be
              b       o       e
                   r       k      n

When the
Was over
And I
The ground.
Oct 2017 · 393
Sounds of Silence
Vale Luna Oct 2017
        Hear the dissonance between my words
        And question if I meant to pause
        Or if it was just the natural fluctuation of my voice
        I’m screaming for attention when I don’t speak
        In the way my eyes widen
        And my head lowers

        Slowly now
        So that the air moving through your lungs
        Isn’t so much as a whisper

        It’s the pauses we take when we talk on the phone
        No voices exchanged
        But the smiles are content
        Resting on the absence of noise between us

        I’m deaf to the world
        And you’re the only one I seem to be able to hear
        Despite the void of sound
        God, you sound beautiful
        My ear drums don’t vibrate
        But my heart does
        So I understand everything you’re saying before your mouth moves

        Watch the way my chest falls
        Tell me with you hands if I’m not letting go slow enough

        They say a picture’s worth a thousand words
        But the vacancy of audio is worth your attention

        It’s golden
        Even when we erase it with straining vocal cords
        Understand that speech is a waste of oxygen
        Every moment we spend speaking
        Is a moment closer to our last breath

        Hear the world on mute
        Hear the dissonance in the emptiness
        Hear what I have to say
        When my lips don’t open.
Sep 2017 · 2.7k
Three's Company
Vale Luna Sep 2017
And so it begins

I can taste your release on his lips
Like it was my own tongue
That had gotten you to moan
So sweetly
So innocently
Innocent -
As if you weren’t the bi girl
Sandwiched between the sexually confused
And the dominating alpha

My turn now

To be innocent with your mouth
And to be guilty
With a man pressed against my backside
A verdict
That we agreed on unanimously
Because nothing is more thrilling
Than being wrong
With two people who are so right

One more time

Let’s make a chain with our bodies
He’ll stand
You’ll kneel
I’ll lay under you
Until we morph into one
Connected by the wetness between our legs
And against ours lips

And again

Changing the three of us
Into familiar strangers
Intertwined in seductive affairs
Because baby
Two is comfort
But three is company.
Sep 2017 · 1.7k
Black Rose
Vale Luna Sep 2017
I was a rose
Turned black with decay
Until my petals fell to the dirt
And I stood naked
In front of your audience

I was a rose
Watered with vinegar
Fed with cyanide
Loved by your ego
And broken by your hands

I was a rose
Torn from the roots
Cut off at the stem
Dead before I was alive
And rotten before I was ripe

I was a rose
Stabbed by my own thorns
Bleeding from the inside
Draining my crimson color
Into your palms

I was your rose
Painted black by your lips
Brushed to dark perfection
My expiration date long passed
As you sniffed my last breath away.

I was your rose.
Sep 2017 · 366
Through Depression's Eyes
Vale Luna Sep 2017
I’m becoming blurry
When I look at myself in the mirror
And I’m beginning to see
His face through mine
Instead of mine
Like my body is disappearing into His
Like if He wasn’t there
I’d be completely invisible

Now I can’t get rid of Him.

Or I just don’t want to
Because I don’t want to vanish
Into thin air
And be another ghost
Wandering the streets
I want to be seen
Even if His eyes
Are piercing through mine
Even if the world is clouded because of it

Every time I blink
My life seems to get a shade darker
Until everything is disfigured
From His pupils over mine
And anything bright
Seems out of place
Forcing my eyelids back shut
Until the dark returns

It’s funny
That after I’ve been with someone
For so long
I become more and more like them
With Him
It’s no different
I chose to let Him stay with me
And as a consequence
I’m fading into Him

It sounds cliche
That maybe I need Him to survive
Maybe I’d lose my identity without Him
Maybe I’d be nothing…
Maybe I’m too afraid
To let go
And find out

He’s given me a reason to live
And a need to die
But who am I to turn Him away?

I wonder
If I’ll ever truly be able
To see myself in the mirror again
Or if I’ll forever
Be looking through His eyes.
Sep 2017 · 468
Say It Again
Vale Luna Sep 2017
A heart torn from yours
               I bled.
               And lonely
               Soft whimpers
               I cry
                              “If only”
                              “If only”

Alone with my thoughts
               Buried sins
               Too unholy
               My mind
               In decay
                              If only
                              If only

Drunk off of your skin
               You took my soul
               Leaving me
                              If only
                              If only

Locked in self abuse
               I follow
               Too closely
               My own type
               Of torture
                              If only
                              If only

Gone with the wind
               You left me there
               And numb
                              If only
                              If only

My blood on your hands
               I died.
               And lonely
               I won't
               Say it again
                             "If only"
Sep 2017 · 571
Second Hand Smoke
Vale Luna Sep 2017
I should be saying
That I'm thankful
For every breath I take
But truthfully
I'm not.

Every time I inhale
It's a long draw
Of a cigarette bud
That isn't mine
Forcing me to wheeze
And cough up the venom
That scorches my lungs

I am cursed
With the longing
To breathe fresh air
And rid myself
Of what I've become so attached to
Just because it's not my nicotine
Doesn't mean I'm not addicted to it
Addicted to dying
Addicted to the thrill of wondering
If this will be
My last cough

Quitting isn't my choice
I'm not the one
Who lights up
With shaking fingers
Shielding a flame from the wind
I'm just the one
Who enjoys
The ashtray full of burnt consequences

I don't have the option
To become unattracted
To the white clouds
Floating around your lips
I was already convinced
That following you
Was as good as resting in the sky
Even if my rest
Was on pillows
Made of poison

I can't say I'm thankful
For the intoxicatingly
Toxic air
That you spoon fed me

But I sure am blissful

I'm not stupid enough to think
Thankfulness and blissfulness
Are the same thing
I am smart enough to know
That honestly
I'm no better than you
Even if I wanted to be

You never offered me
My own cigarette to smoke
But standing next to you
I'm as good as dead.
Toxic relationships.
Aug 2017 · 305
The Becoming
Vale Luna Aug 2017
I believe the unknown
Is much more interesting
Than the famous.

Because why read
A piece that's been read
A million times
When I can be the first
To lay eyes upon
The becoming.
Aug 2017 · 3.7k
Vale Luna Aug 2017
Do you ever write something
So good
That you feel like you've peaked
As a writer?
And everything from then on
Is a question in your head?

Maybe you should never
Pick up a pencil again
Because your writing career
Has already been wrapped up
Tightly with a bow

Maybe you planned to be a poet
Get a proper creative writing degree
And forever make a living
Off the rhythm of words
But every idea now
Seems like a steaming pile of ****
Compared to your last masterpiece
So it just sits
Rotting in your brain
Until you stink
With a lack of genuine creativity

Maybe you've written so much
That your rhymes
Begin to sound tired
And overused
But if you don't rhyme
It sounds as if you've gotten lazy
So no matter what you put down
The effort doesn't show

Maybe writing about the ordinary
Seems boring
But writing the extraordinary
Has already been done
And every option in between
Seems like a cheap plagiarism

Maybe your standards got too high
And people expect more from you
So every ounce of energy you have
Is wasted on doubting yourself
Until you're too exhausted
To write at all

Maybe you dreamt too big

Maybe quitting while you're ahead
Sounds better than actually trying

Maybe the emptiness you feel
When you don't write
Is worth not risking failure

Maybe saying goodbye
To your dreams now
Will be easier
Than a downward spiral
From the inability
To write something better than before

Or maybe
You're just overthinking it.
Wow, the feedback I'm getting from this poem is amazing. Tbh, THIS was one of the poems I had written that I doubted and almost didn't publish cuz I thought it wasn't good enough.

Moral of the story. Keep writing no matter what. Some things will suprise you.
Aug 2017 · 1.1k
Solar Eclipse
Vale Luna Aug 2017
The Sun told me he was dying
And of course
I didn't believe him

Until the sky went black

I suppose it was in epiphany
That in that moment
The world had gone cold

Excitement in the eyes of the crazy
Panic in the heart of the insane
And Confusion in the mind of the dumb
Because the Sun had died

Melodramatic as ever
His death only lasted a minute and a half
And when he resurrected
The earth was warm again
Relief washing over him
Knowing that he hadn't abandoned
The ones who needed him most

It was seeing the Sun in that crescent shape
That caused me to realized
It was the Moon herself
That had stolen the spotlight
His spotlight

When it's just the two of us
(With all the other stars)
I ask her
“Why did you overshadow
The one you call your brother?”

From this
She looks down at me
A reflection of sadness
Buried deep within her craters
She sighs

And she tells me.

At least once
Every one hundred years
She wants people to look at her
In the daytime
And understand
That she might not bring heat and light
But she is part of our solar system too.

So now
I understand her
Because I listen to her
Because I see her
Because despite the thousands of miles
Separating us
Our hearts
Seem to beat
At the same time.
Dedicated to: the US solar eclipse of 2017
Anyone else who feels like the Moon sometimes <3
Aug 2017 · 499
Food Companion
Vale Luna Aug 2017
Silent lunch alone in a room full of people
Stringy spaghetti
Quiet lunch with a cute boy across the table
Bubbling Raman noodles
School meal next to the cute boy
Toasted bagel
Cafeteria date with the boy
Steaming bean soup
Dinner date with a new boyfriend
Gourmet pizza
Perfect picnic on spring hills
Juicy strawberries
One year anniversary celebration
Succulent chocolates
Meeting with his parents alone for the first time
Slimy spaghetti
Breakfast in bed after passionate nights
Sugary waffles
Late night movies together
Buttery popcorn
Two year anniversary family gathering
Barbeque ribs
Romantic dinner for a marriage proposal
Roasted oysters
Nights alone after he says no
Greasy pizza
Following him wherever he goes
Rotten strawberries
After receiving a restraining order from the police
Molded chocolates
Sleepless nights staring at his picture
Stale popcorn
Insane asylums daily lunch servings
Undercooked Raman noodles
Mental institutes only breakfast special
Disintegrating waffles
First meal after faculty release
Boiling bean soup
Plotting revenge for a broken heart
Crumbling bagel
Violent lunch with a cute boy ******* across from me
Burnt oysters
A picnic over his chopped up body

****** ribs.
Aug 2017 · 506
Miss Understood
Vale Luna Aug 2017
Hello! My name is:
Miss Understood*

Do you understand?
Ha! No!
I didn't think that you would!

Let me explain it
In easier terms
Who I really am
Without backwards words

The words on the page
Are often mispelled
But I'll make this one a riddle
And hope it ends well

A filthy secret
Sealed with a signature kiss
Locked in with ink
Or at least…
Something like this

From hands holding magic
To deep twisted lies
More dramatic reality
For a story
In a line

Chicken scratch codes
To decipher a thought
A colorful battle
Being constantly fought

Enough clues now!
Have you figured out who I am?
All the answers you need
Are in the palm of your hand

It's really quite simple
Cuz I made this one real good
And as I stated before
We are Miss Understood.
Tell me what you think the answer is :D
Aug 2017 · 404
Style Points
Vale Luna Aug 2017
I'm fifty-one shades of ****** up
And thirty-two flavors of freak
Every instinct I have is corrupt
Including the words that I speak

I'm one hundred and one crazy dogs
And sixty-nine perverts in one
My existence goes against all odds
But the list is nowhere near done

There's thirteen reasons why I cry
And ninety-nine problems I've got
One of them’s the way I long to die
And the way my insides rot

I'm four seasons of misunderstood
And seven layers of bad luck
Cuz the bad always shoves out the good
So why should I give a ****?!

There's six, six and six demons I hold
From fifty-two weekly mistakes
My secrets are often always told
So I get used to the heartbreak

I'm two hundred and twelve wildfires
With three point one four percent logic
I only have primal desire
So the rest of me is toxic

I'm fifty-one shades of ****** up
And thirty-two flavors of wild
I've gone beyond the normal “corrupt”
And beaten Christian Grey’s style.
For my 50 Shade fans!
Aug 2017 · 514
Vale Luna Aug 2017
Maintain a distance
Of at least three feet
Cuz a close encounter
Is more bitter than sweet

Just one step too close
And she's inside your head
Just one step too close
And soon you'll be dead

She'll make you believe
That she can help you
That whatever you want
Is what she wants too

But once she's inside
Her wicked voice rings
By then, you're enslaved
To do her bidding

Her thoughts are inhuman
She doesn't feel pain
She's clearly unmatched
When it comes to the brain

But please don't be tricked
By her dark mind games
What she's trying to do
Is drive you insane

Who is she, you ask?
She's the east wind that blows
Well haven't you guessed?
Her name is Eurus.
For all the BBC Sherlock fans!
Aug 2017 · 356
Vale Luna Aug 2017
I gave you my love
My soul - my heart
But the words you speak
Seem to tear me apart.
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