I thought that out of everything
I could rely on the moon
To always be there

But even she leaves me
At least once a month.

Ten teaspoons of pure suffering
With a sprinkle of love toughening
Add a pound of tormented soul
To mix up into the life bowl
                      
A tiny pinch of happiness
With a huge handful of darkness
Now give those two a solid roll
To mix up into the life bowl

Maybe add a dash of pleasure
Which must be light as a feather
Add chunks of torture for that toll
To mix up into the life bowl

Don’t forget a cup of heartbreak
Including all friends that are fake
With that, your recipe is whole
To mix up into the life bowl.

It took me years
To build myself
Molding my shape
With ***** fingerprints
And a dull butter knife
Smoothing out
Every rough edge

I spent my lifetime
Crafting this delicate clay
Into something
That didn't hurt my eyes
And when I was done
I baked it solid
Roasted
Into a sturdy piece
Of breathing art
…
And then you came along

You begged
To get close to me
Close enough
To see me
Close enough
To touch me
So I let you
Carefully - of course
Until seemingly
Your soft hands
Were gentle enough
To hold me

But as time passed
You became a bit more…
Careless
Careless
So every time
You picked me up
Part of me was left cracked
Before you set me back down
And your hands
Seemed to bring more hurt
Than comfort

I began to resent you
But I didn't dare say it
Because I was sitting
In nostalgia
Remembering the days
When I really was
A work of art
In your eyes

And yet, eventually
Your carelessness
Rotted to recklessness
Until one day
You dropped me -
The slivers
Of my little clay heart
Scattered on the floor

Despite your best efforts
It wasn't enough
Not even
All the King’s horses
And all the King's men
Could put me back
Together again
I was hopeless
And the fragments
You tried to glue back
Were worthless

What am I now?
Art? No
I'm just a sad lump
Of clay shards and glue
Disfigured beyond belief
An eye-sore
For anyone who looks at me

I wish I could say
That my shattering
Was entirely your fault
But I blame myself
For ever letting you
Get close enough
To touch me.

Only time I feel beautiful

Is when I starve myself.

I think
The fact that I haven't
Written a poem
In nearly two weeks
Is causing me
To lose touch
With reality.

Reality
It's a funny word, isn't it?
REAL-EH-TEE
Real
But I lost sense
Of what was real
The same day I lost you
But let's not talk
About you
I'm sick of writing
About you
I'm fed up
With every one of my ******* poems
Including the word
YOU
Maybe that's why I stopped writing!
Yes
You were in my life enough
And I got sick
Of putting you in my poetry
My heart
Yes

So you see
I've lost track now, haven't I?
I was on about
Losing reality
And then…
Oh never mind that
I just…
I lost what was real
The same day I lost my sanity
And it's been
So long now
That I'm not sure
I'll ever get it back

But there was a question
Yes
How do I know
That I'm losing touch with reality
When I haven't known what was real
In such a long time?
Good question.
It's just a
Feeling
I suppose
The only thing humans
Were ever really capable of is
Feeling
The only thing that is
Real
To people
I guess
Because emotions
Often feel more logical than logic
Even when I act on them
Illogically

Or…
Does that not make sense?
I can never be sure
My pencil always races
Faster than my brain can dash
My thoughts forgot
How to run
After you stopped being my coach
Yes
You pushed me
To work harder
Be better
So what happened?
What happened to make you leave?
Why did you…
Why did YOU
**** “you”
I can't stand that word!
Why can't YOU
Leave my mind?!
Leave my paper?!
Leave my poems!
Just leave it blank!
Instead of writing this wretched word
Over and over
Y-O-U
Maybe I'll just leave it blank!

Is it worth losing myself?
To leave the pages empty?
Is it worth losing my real-eh-tee?
Because
I haven't written a poem
In nearly two weeks
And it feels like
I'm going numb
Because
The only real thing I had left
Were my feelings
And now
They seem to be melting away
All the same
As my ability
To write
A real
Poem.

Sticks and stones -
Break bones

But words
Broke
My heart.

We cried
when you were diagnosed

She cried
when you stopped eating

He cried
when you cut yourself

They cried
when you ran away

You cried
when you lost your home

I cried
when you lost yourself.

Loniness
Over stays
His
Welcome
But I
Like
His
Company.

The fourth of July
Is not my independence day
Because my ancestors
Waited an extra
100 years
For the Emancipation Proclamation
To free them
And then another
100 years
Before Dr. King
Fought for our civil rights
But even today
As African-Americans
We are sub-American
Taught to keep our heads low
Around white police officers
And not raise our fists
When they call us *******
So tell me
What freedom truly means
And what it is to you
Because freedom to me
Is the day
I can look my brothers
And sisters
In the eye
And tell them
That we have finally received
Equality.

You know I'm eager
Because I'm already wet
Before you touch me.

Don't
ask me
“What's
wrong?”
If you
don't
really
care.

You'll kiss
hundreds
of frogs

Before
you
find
your Prince.

I'm the type of person
That wears a gas mask
In the midst
Of flower petals
…
Simply because
The hallucinogenic scent
Reminds me
Too much
Of your perfume.

I have no choice
But to put you on trial
Cuz you claim
You're innocent
Until proven guilty
But with all the evidence
I've collected
I'm positive that it was you
Who committed the crime against me

I'm sick of all your twisted lies
The disgusting humor
That this was all one big accident
Saying that in reality
You didn't mean to break me--
Only to leave me bent

The defense says
You were just messing around
That you didn't mean to take
What you stole
But I
-the prosecution-
Say that's *******
Cuz I know you seek control

So now it's time
For your verdict
Take your seats
They're about to start…
…
HA!
The jury says you're guilty
So it's indeed true
That you stole my heart.

Wish
you
were
dead?

Or

Wish
the
pain
would
stop?

It feels like I'm drowning
Maybe that's just because
I'm downing
Ten shots of ******
An hour
The power
Of comparison
To what I used to be
Straight.
Addict free
Every ounce of purity
Now stained
By an unclean bloodstream
So I'm far underwater
Committing my own manslaughter

Sinking
With every breath
Inhaling death
Free from thinking
It may be true that I'm dying
Supplying
My own toxins
Lacking proper caution
All this to avoid crying
Maybe it's wrong
But ******* it feels right
A fall with no flight
Clenched fists
With no fight

Because I can still breathe
When I'm drowning
And being underneath
The fluids
Is just as natural
And seemingly gradual
As a heart that's still beating
All my regrets retreating
The pain quickly fleeting
So I shoot up again…

And then just keep on repeating.

Wanting, crying
Pleasure dying
Always sighing
Never finding
What is seeked
Or sought
Or sworn
Or the pain
Constantly borne

Weeping longer
Crying harder
Distant hoarder
Desperate torture
Of all things
Through battle
Through war
What is lost
Is lost too sore

Sin in darkness
Far from restless
Burning weakness
Truly lifeless
Death that walks
Life in
Dirt ground
Darkened earth
Not safe nor sound

Quickly fleeting
Love depleting
Always bleeding
Never meeting
Ones we love
And friends
Left to hate
Heavy heart
Cuz this is fate.

Let's

do something.

Something
we know

we'll regret

Tomorrow
morning.

You were too
Careless

To handle
My
Fragile
Clay
Heart.

The scariest part about Love

Is that Loss always follows.

I asked you to make time for me
To make time for my love
But you were quick to explain
How relative time really was

That the moments
And seconds
And hours
And days
Were too impossible to stretch out
Or make last
Or hold onto for me

You told me
That clocks controlled our time together
That every time a clock ticked
A second was lost
Becoming the past
History
Before our very eyes
Our moments controlled
And measured
In the hands of a machine
A twisted philosophy
That you believed

I wanted to tell you
That if we cracked open the glass
We could turn back the hands
And re-live the memories
When you told me
You'd always be there
And we'd never be apart

I wanted to tell you
That we could freeze time
If we broke the clock
So that always
Would last forever
And never
Would never come

I tried to tell you
That my time is measured
In how many breaths of your perfume I inhale
In how many times I cry on your shoulder
In how many times
You tell me you love me

But I can see now
Our time together meant nothing
Because you measure time
By the sound of clocks ticking

So when I asked you to make time
It was an impossible request
And you'll move on without me
While I put our clock to rest.

I’m trapped in the constellations
Because I tried to grab the stars
But the moon screamed
I screamed
Echoing across the celestial
So the city of lights awoke

And the extroverts below
Cry out at us
To force us to remain mute
As if they control the solar system
But the moon ignores them
Thus, I ignore them too

The rays liquify me
As I try to connect the dots
But the images I arrange
Are mocking me
Laughing through the sky
Teasing the Milky Way

And the sun scoffs our feud
Too galactic to engage
Only observing
As I bounce between the fiery lines
Surging into boundaries
Too torched to care

But for the introverts beneath
There’s only a catalina void
Where the established figures
Are marginally vitiated
Dim flickers
Lost in the distance

So I’m overshadowed
By this lunar eclipse
Helplessly cornered
Inside the myriad configurations
I scream
Because I tried to grab the stars.

Being free means absolutely nothing

But becoming free means everything.