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Nov 2018 · 1.7k
Alonely
"I just want everyone to leave me alone!"


-----


".....I'm so lonely....."
Written: October 21, 2018

All rights reserved
Nov 2018 · 1.8k
One plus One

I'm very good with numbers; Always been inside my brain
They freely shift and move about; Allowed to dance and play
However, one equation baffles and confuses me
That one plus one will equal two; This is not what I see

It's people who must be confused; Wrong value they give "one"
Because the single integer alone can't have much fun
It's only with another "one" first one will come to life
With purpose, reason, starts to smile; Now feeling satisfied

The presence of the second one gives first one happiness
When one is standing all alone life has not much to give
Can not survive a vacuum; It is dark and empty space
No digit there to interact; One's value just a waste

Some people disagree with me; Say one is fine alone
And doesn't need another one for value to be shown
I don't completely disagree but my experience
That I feel most fulfilled with life when I receive and give

The elegance of the exchange; Where miracles exist
Life's greatest gift is that of love but with it there's one twist
How it takes two to tango; Love is not a solo dance
To give another all your heart is taking a big chance

But can't compare reward to risk; The blissful ecstasy
Cause "one" is more like just a half but with love it's complete
Written: October 24, 2018

All rights reserved.
[Iambic Heptameter format]
Nov 2018 · 12.0k
Tea Light
There was a tiny tea light somewhat hid and tucked away
Was lost; To be forgotten in dark corners of my brain
The other day you called me breathing into it new life
A weak and dying flame now once again stood strong and bright

Tried quelling it with reason; Doused with plenty rationale
No matter what I threw at it would not leave or dispel
Use thoughts as tools or weapons; They are thrown out by the mind
Attempting to slice through the bonds to flame the heart did bind

But no where in my cognition is something quite that tough
In any way could **** that flame or from these bonds be cut
This statement even would be true the weakest of its days
But as I'm talking to you with each word you fan the flame

Was living out a lie and yet was unbeknownst to me
I thought my love for you could die if left and just let be
However, now I know too well this lasting present truth
My eyes saw you and ever since, I've been in love with you
Written: October 23, 2018

All rights reserved.
[Iambic Heptameter format]
Oct 2018 · 10.3k
Echo
I sit alone in the dark
Will you turn on the light
Will you burn oh so bright
So I learn to feel right?

Overcome by the fright
Now my chest's feeling tight
I scream into the night
What is wrong and what's right?

From the shadow's, a glow
Hear a voice I don't know
My own fairytale show?
Nope, it's just an echo (echo) (echo)
Written: October 11, 2018

All rights reserved.
[Anapestic Dimeter format]
Oct 2018 · 2.6k
I Surrender
There is no more happiness
Only the pain
Exist without meaning
I'm trapped in my brain

Each day brings a struggle
I don't want to meet
A white flag; I surrender
Accept my defeat
Written: October 7, 2018

All rights reserved.
[Anapestic Tetrameter format]
Oct 2018 · 5.7k
Life's a Joke

There is no love in my life
No one to hug and hold tight...


-

I don't feel that presence
To know they'll be there
I'm not warm and secure
By somebody who cares

-

I am empty; alone
Only hollow inside
On my face show a smile
But just want to cry
I am trapped in a cage
My one wish; To be free
Can't escape my own skin
Life's a joke played on me
Written: October 4, 2018

All rights reserved.
[Iambic/Anapestic Trimeter then Anapestic Tetrameter format]
Sep 2018 · 556
Taking Pills
Open my eyes
I take my pill
To feel alive
I won’t sit still
No more complaints
No more joint aches
It may be fake
but I’m awake…

A trance-like state
It is a place
So I can hide
No need to face
There is no shame
No more disgrace
The astral plane
My inner space

-

A dreamland Utopian place;
my mind where it exists
Then leave me here, I wish to stay;
This place I want to live
The world out there’s too harsh and cold;
I’m tortured day-to-day
It’s safe in here; stay till I’m old
I’m better off this way
Though it’s not real, it’s real enough
As long as I believe
I’m not like you; I’m not as tough
So, lies are tales I weave
Turn into truths inside my head
My new reality
I live my life as if I’m dead
I’m fine; Just let me be
Written: September 29, 2018

All rights reserved.
[Iambic Dimeter & Iambic Heptameter format]
Sep 2018 · 527
Night Owl
The Sun gone away
Now the blanket of night
Feel alive and awake
Time of ‘day’ I feel right
Want to go out and play
Others fill up with fright
Don’t know why I’m this way
I was given this life

The Moon casting its rays
A pale hue of gray-white
A new species is made
It’s a fabulous sight
Like a rise from the grave
From dark earth with no light
Sprouting roots; here to stay
Never quit; rather fight

A “night owl” they say
Dark abyss I take flight
Hefty price that I pay
Usually lonely plight
If somebody said ‘hey’
Nightly cake; take a bite
We were one in the same
My dark world could be bright

It’s something we all chase
Like a kid with a kite
The wind swept us away
But that string we held tight
We were scared and afraid
But deep down knew we might
Dividends would be paid
Able to reach new heights
Written: September 27, 2018

All rights reserved.
Sep 2018 · 2.7k
Stop and Take Time
‘Stop and take time’
is a phrase to remind
Often paced
in this race
we call life
We will face
Ourselves stumble and fall
far from grace
Get upset
thrown off track or lose sight of
and just plain forget

A respite put aside
Even small amount set
Where our life’s placed on pause
No more trying to get
We’re not running or chasing
This moment is still
Left behind is that drive
To consume and fulfill

For a minute it's tranquil
We clear our filled heads
Ruminating no more
on what’s done and what’s said
Meditating
A stillness
to find inner peace
Or get back what’s been lost
If not all;
just a piece
Written: September 26, 2018

All rights reserved.
[Anapestic Tetrameter format]
Sep 2018 · 170
A Compromise

In a perfect world
my heart would find
a love that's pure and true

But simply for now,
one that I like
with lots of lust will do
Written: September 25, 2018

All rights reserved.

if you cant be with the one you love then love the one you're with
Sep 2018 · 15.4k
Who am I?
I don’t know who
I’m supposed to be
Who I am
or who they want me to be
The answer’s not
so easy to see
Not well known
There's an uncertainty
Knee-**** answer
is to be
wholly free
I'll explain
in detail
Paint a picture clearly
A tutor's not needed
No need to study
No higher degree
With candor
I’ll speak

Let me tell you about
so-called “un-pleasantries"
The list is quite lengthy
A few;
maybe three
Gonna rattle them off
What's been mentioned to me
Not the worst of mistakes
but a category
May irritate some
To others
‘let be’
Saying that’s who I am
and as such
accept me
A minority group
not the majority
and by far
and by few
They are lost in between

Some say I’m intense
and can be
quite chatty
Loquacious
a talker
‘Verbose’ tendency
Don’t deny what is true
But not always guilty
The day in
and day out
doesn't constantly stream
Not sustained
They can change
Just like who
we will be
Not robots
Not copies
or placed on CD
Live a life
of routine
but not one
on repeat
Even still
I must say
there are worse things to be

Empathetic and kind
I give generously
All I have
My last dime
Will donate
each penny
I'm not searching for credit
Approval don't seek
Like to make others happy
Inside, I’m complete
When I focus on others
No discrepancy
I’m not dwelling
or thinking
of my tendencies
Please don't offer
your pity
or give charity
Try to bend; compromise
don’t perceive me
as weak
I'm the chivalrous type
Will get down
on one knee
Not walled off or closed up
Bare my soul
Give freely
But there's more
locked inside
So when time comes to speak
It’s a flood
a deluge
There's an intensity
Give too much
Give too quick
Try to stop
inside keep
I can bottle
it up
but sometimes
it still peaks
Little may trickle out
Suddenly
it will seep
If an access is given
Explodes
in a heap
When I love
I dive in
You may think I’m a freak
The emotional type
Tug heart strings
and I’ll weep
Not a blubbering fool
my emotions
run deep
A calm hand
I can sooth
Situation-ally
In a crisis
I’m strong
This unfortunately
is something
that I know
But don’t wish on
to speak
Life presents me
two roads
With both closed off
to me
Feel locked up
in a cage
while I look
to be free

A locked door
Here I stand
desperately for the key
Wanting answers
Assistance
A new found decree
Need a mantra
A mission
systemically
affecting systems
The true stem
of what’s me
Fundamental
My core
Sprouting roots from a tree
Happiness from the Sun
or beneath canopy
Not about
getting answers
Away goes the fee
Hamlet asked long ago
If 'to be or not be'
I know that it's different
Just work with me please
My point
is the question
In life, what to seek?
A life
that’s authentic
or society
We conform
and adapt
What they want us to be
If like me
you're unsure
It can drive you crazy
Take a chance?
And be pure
Live a life that's taint free
In return
you'll endure
Side remarks
and critiques
Is the juice worth the squeeze?
Be like them
or unique
Written: September 22, 2108

All rights reserved.
[Anapestic Hexameter Format]
Sep 2018 · 343
Open your heart
Open your heart
Let go of fear
no wasted thoughts
if others care
To dance and play
Or paint and sing
your heart is filled
The joy it brings
This beauty is
what matters most
No more nightmares
And haunting ghosts
A big mistake
in life to make
To foolishly
For granted take
True value much
Like currency
Eyes often shut
And can not see
Our family, friends
Those who are close
The ones we love
And cherish most
With them time spent
Cannot be faked
These moments are
What memories make
And that is what
Life's all about
It's not that hard
To figure out
Sure you can build
Mountains of toys
Aquire things
And find some joy
But what you feel
Will quickly leave
You'll cry in pain
As you bereave
Yet sadder still
You never knew
What matters most
A love that's true
Cause shiny things
May make you smile
That only lasts
A little while
An instant fix
Is what you sought
An instant fix
Is what you got
Like getting high
It did feel good
But not the way
That true love could
It's lacking depth
Was empty, shallow
Sent down stream
Without a paddle
Love does not
Only exist
Inside the arms
Or lover's kiss
In any place
It can be found
With open eyes
You'll look around
A subtle smile
A stranger gives
Can be the light
So someone lives
Of course much less
Dramatic still
Small gesture or
Act of good will
When reaching out
With open heart
And open mind
Great way to start
Just stay the course
And follow through
Cause what you'll find
Surprise to you
The love and all
The kindness shown
To others gift
But returned home
The happiness
you freely delt
Inside you swelled
Makes your heart melt
Written: September 12, 2018

All rights reserved.

open your heart to love and live a life fulfilled
Sep 2018 · 3.9k
Never forget
“Never forget”
It’s structure set
there’s something that
I just don’t get
When people told
to take a sec
The thousands lost
Their lives just swept

And many more
forever wept
An empty hole
with families wrecked
Commemorate
the date is set
As if a giant hurdle leapt

Most people easily forget
A numb that lulls
themselves will let
They patronize
like I’m a pet
Their pettiness
to me will vex

It’s takes more than
just bowing necks
A promise
for one day is kept
Real charity
Not on the net
Read Facebook posts like
“What the heck?”

My boiling blood
want to snap necks
A danger sign
like floor is wet
Not military
or a vet
But a salute
those lost will get

Just for one day
forget the rest
On this day we will act our best
Let bias and all hatred rest
Each other love
Hearts will be blessed
Written: September 11, 2018

All rights reserved.
Sep 2018 · 3.2k
Chameleon
A needed look
of happiness
A smile upon my face
But way deep down
inside's
a hole
Let no one go
behind the gates

A changing shape
A life
that’s fake
The effort needed
I will make
Ingredients
A cake
I bake
Like shedding skin
I’ve been replaced

So 'cut-n-paste'
but life don't taste
My past
aren't steps
that I retrace
Each day
a race
Response; quick haste
Hide deep inside
Alone disgraced

A fall from grace
A gracious thought
Was never true
Instead
was bought
A jagged pace
Should be erased
One big mistake
How I
was taught

Repeating loop
Forever caught
An ending saved
For me
it's naught
My life I’ll waste
Won't have
what's sought
The things
I got
Did not embrace

Peered over shoulders
into space
Life long mistake
Dug my own grave
My hopes and dreams
I gave
or trade
All washed away
The price I pay

A birthing brightness
Road was paved
What love
I had
Chose not
to stay
None in return
and none
was saved
A dying star
begins to fade
Written: August 26, 2018

All rights reserved.
[Iambic Octameter format]
Aug 2018 · 57.0k
Pieces of me
Pieces of me
thrown away
like trash
Never consulted
Never asked
The direct result
of another’s conviction
or more commonly seen
consequences
from blind ambition

Paranoid
The fix is in
But no invitation
for me,
former me
or forever me
and all of my imitations
beset by my
limitations

Forwardly I lean
step in between
lines upon lines
hidden;
can’t be seen
Falling ill
Now trapped
by its machine
And from my vein;
My blood I spill

A still surface
with sticky sheen
amber tones
from which
I glean
a reason
Thrilled
What it might mean
A hunger
that
can not be filled

Nothing but lies
giving me chills
A shell
with values
not instilled
Instead
it’s dread
Their words
I’m fed
"Nutrients"
to fill my head

My outer skin
Its layer
thin
Not to attacks
No single act
or prayer
could patch
and fill it in
A hole
that’s black
is my first sin

A game
in which
no way to win
and no ending
once it
begins
With opened eyes
commence to see
The dorsal fins
surrounding me

Head starts
to spin
What could have been?
It doesn't matter
in the end
because
there's nothing
here for me
A demon-like reality

Where what you seek
Placed at your feet
The icing; sweet
Choices; not three
Have cake or eat
One choice not two
But want to eat
and have it too

All efforts
to retrieve the treat;
An outcome that
ends in defeat
A princess swept
off of her feat
But this feature
princess;
a creature
Spirit of
a soulless seeker

Deceitful speaker
Flames;
he’ll eat ya
Offers pain
Can’t heal;
life drained
Then reaching out
to use
life-line
but with each ring
hope further wanes

An answered call
done just in time
The chills
running all down my spine
Stand tall
just like Douglas-fir pine
With racing thoughts
filling my mind
I will be saved
Free from it all
God must exist
No time to stall
In battle
warriors
may fall
but no man's ever left behind

Only to find
With said spent dime
A dynamite kind of answer
-
A type
that might
cause strife
Can't plan for
Needed answer
Plight
like cancer
New chance to live
Worldly romancer
On planet Earth
A tiny dancer

A romantic thought
to think
fight fought
Instead a sinking ship
just dropped
This life?
If could
an ‘OUT’
would opt
No more
can take
Just make
it stop
Written: April 17, 2018

All rights reserved.
Aug 2018 · 105
Warmth of Love

Much like love...

The Sun can be millions of miles away

and I can still feel it’s warmth
An excerpt from my poem "Spring Morning and The Theory of Relativity"
I'm very happy with the way the poem came out
but I always in particular
loved this simile/metaphor
and how it conveyed its message.

Written: February 25, 2018

All rights reserved

love is the magical answer that can solve almost all problems of the human condition
Aug 2018 · 23.3k
Maniac
A presence
presenting
a continuous torment
torturing
incessantly
until, even with cessation
only a tenuous self
is present
leaving only the resin

The maniacal
manifestation
is an infestation
festering around in my head
Its existence,
a creation
created at inception,
hacking my brain
Forever a trap
creating a
maniac

Acrimonious
to all mankind
Not acting
like a man
Not one word
that's kind
Committing crimes
and getting oneself
committed
A deviation
creating a deviant
Shifted values
due to a devalued
self

An esoteric
essence
seemingly sentenced
on this journey
by judge and jury,
not by one's peers
because the many
not able
to peer
into this individuality
The duplicity
of duality
that is my reality

Challenging myself
to a dual
One in which
I both
win and lose
But in the end
not breaking even
or coming out ahead
Always ending
further back
instead

Its back breaking
and always aching
Pain from which
not capable of
faking
Effort I’m taking
Of myself making
Time for a new king
For kinsmanship
is aloof
And this man’s ship
has sailed away
Sipping a port
at a shipping port
And yet
slipping away

Deeper still
In the depth
of still water
Sinking
into the abyss
Lost and gone
But not missed
Is this the end
of our fable?
Or will our “hero”
enable himself
and in the end
be able
Deciding who to be?
Cain or Abel?
For the hurricane
is hurrying along
Its aim always the same
Constant pain
A payment he feels
for the displaced
placement
which just in case
is placed
same place
he went

Ink in the face
A disgrace
When suddenly
encased in his brain
are racing thoughts
of a plan
he’s ace’n

A label of insanity
given by those
who claim sanity
when the reality
is their thoughts are free
and optimize
a sanitized
and homogenized
batter
And in the end
it doesn’t matter

Offering suggestions
in which they
feel threatened
Pathways congested
and protested
Testing them
Even worse,
bested
A problem beset
upon them
Time to steady
the flock
Roll n’ Rock
Inoculations we’re getting
Start the injections

“It’s been an honor”
Mounting my Lipizzaner
A disarmer
A charmer
The armor
‘mi amor’
Leaving me
wanting more
But as they keep score
the task is daunting
A life that’s haunting
with such splendid decor
-
Yet, can’t take any more
Their taunting
is leaving me sore
So to the atmosphere
I open that door
and flying up above
I soar

Forever more
Feel pain no more...
Written: August 17, 2018

All rights reserved.
Aug 2018 · 921
Life's Currency

Love is the currency of life

Without it 'living' becomes 'existing'
and anything of value (real or perceived)

Becomes worthless and meaningless
Written: August 16, 2018

All rights reserved.
Aug 2018 · 358
Happy Tears
The battle has not just begun
Been raging on for years
A constant war since I was young
They'd suddenly appear
From hiding; Demons I would run
But always felt them near
Alive and tortured for their fun
Branding, my flesh would sear
Taking no more; That time is done
Rise up and shed my fear
The war for my life I have won
Sobbing but 'happy tears'
Written: August 17, 2018

All rights reserved.

happiness and love so deep it hurts shedding happy tears
Aug 2018 · 163
Forever out of reach

Constantly in a race, I run to you...


but like the horizon

You are forever out of reach
Written: August 14, 2018

All rights reserved.

one day I'll catch my unicorn if only in a dream
Aug 2018 · 322
Cloak of Concrete

I feel it coming on again...

The weight comes first
My concrete cloak
Slowly draped upon me
by the gentle hands of another

The skill of a pick pocket
but it gives
instead of taking

Like the oncoming of
A cold or flu
You feel its presence
but deny it
with all your will

Believing that
maybe by somehow
refusing to acknowledge
its existence

will inhibit its power
and the ability to exist


But no matter
how much I turn away
and forever swim
in my eternal lake
of denial

No matter
the compartments I create
with walls

Oh so high!
Or the tomb carved
deep within the soil
A myriad of twists and turns
creating a maze of dungeons

where it's
boxed up
sealed tight
and forever buried away
with the

Ark of the Covenant

There is no denying it
There is no escaping it

Instead,
there is only
the
refusal to admit it
and the refusal to accept it

A game I play
at times
Testing the limits
and true measure

of my
mental stability

"Don't ask questions
You don't want answers to"

and thus
my lips are sealed shut
my eyes closed
and my fingers plug my ears


And it's Here

inside my head

the empty void

and a limitless universe...


Here

I choose to stay

and where to live


Or maybe I've been here all along
Not how I feel at the moment thankfully
But an all too familiar experience

Written: May 1, 2018

All rights reserved.

depression drapes upon me clouding my head and my world
Aug 2018 · 448
Truth

There is no truth
Only perception


We live in a world full of it
What we deem to be a truth
Is merely the majority of the perceived

Couldn't one say though that there is only truth?

Isn't every input my senses relay to me as real to me as anything can be?

The paradox is that there is no truth and only truth

How can there be truth when
the world only exists through the perception of one's senses?

And how can there be nothing but truth when my senses exist to receive the world as it is?
Written: February 23, 2018

All rights reserved.
Aug 2018 · 8.7k
“Action!”

There was a time
within me
I wanted to be
an actor
beaming
on stage
or a screen
big or small
no matter to me
after all
The exposure is nice
I guess
and all that kind of stuff
but that’s not what drew me to it
Just being an actor
was enough

I enjoy performing
and have a memory
for lines
One of those people
who can quote
a whole movie
It plays in my head
can fast forward
and rewind

But it’s easy to recite
the work of another
One who already
searched within
and discovered
what to emote
the affect
and such
To replay like a puppet
That’s not saying much
Could I nail
the scene
and get the feeling right?
When other actors work with me
maybe they might
get inspired
to the point
they become lost in the scene
We’re reliving
the story
A fantastic team
When the director yells
“Cut!”
all applaud and cheer
Tears in the eyes of some
touching memories
they hold near

The performance
The “art”
that’s what matters most
A singer belting out a song
or a comic
at a roast
The thought of it now
gets me giddy
and inspired
but yet
here I sit
In my chair
I am mired

Never took that step
Overcoming
all that fear
My doubts and insecurities
Worry how much others care
That fear
of failure
or that I wouldn’t
“measure up”
A deer frozen
in headlights
I am forever stuck

And as the time continues on
The days, and months and years roll by
Which is the greater loss?
If I failed
or never tried?
Written: August 8, 2018

All rights reserved.
Aug 2018 · 1.2k
Awakening

Sometimes you have to remove the noise
and listen to the silence

to awaken from the dream
you thought you were living

Written: August 1, 2018

All rights reserved.
Aug 2018 · 347
Society's Trappings

All the things a man can gather
piles of money, gold, and jewels


Replacing love with such said items
Society hath trapped the fool
Written: August 2, 2018

All rights reserved.

what life is worth living without love
Jul 2018 · 27.0k
My Soul to Take
I’m a soldier
in a war
sold to the highest bidder
Biding my time
getting high
but not getting
anything out of
life

A lifer
a loser
lost his way
was on his way
on a journey
was earning
a living
was living
a life
in spite of
spitting in the face
of all I was faced with
Couldn’t face up
to the need
I was feeding
A hole
from which
my soul
was bleeding
Unknown reason
harboring this treason
give it time
it will season
Belief system
the Devil
finds pleasing

No matter
how much I tried
and from everyone hide,
including myself,
what was
deep inside
If I went
and made
an attempt
a fool I'd be,
wasted time spent
A lament
at controlling
the tide
And each day
from the next
more and more
of me died

There was a time
when all my efforts
went unheeded
and instead
succeeded
But these courtships
did not breed
or plant the seed
Instead was seething
to be
leaving
Escaping from me
with each breath
I’m breathing

A horrible time
indeed
Unfamiliar,
making me ill
Not having free will
Undeserving
and not for me
to get
Must get angry
and upset
Breaking steps
So many
missteps
I’m falling
more than I’m standing

Steps I’ve climbed
mostly blind
by my blindfold
Its knots
I bind
the moment
I ‘rise-and-shine’
so that
in time
when rising
like yeast,
the hiding
inner self
self-defeats

Every hand folding
as I’m
raising the bets,
doesn't make sense
From where
did I get
this invisible pet
Originally set
and previously molded
in the early stages
of the morning
in a story
that’s boring
and been told
time and time again
with
lost love ones
and friends

A friendly reminder
that a
“stitch-in-time”
is not
a time saver
if the referenced ‘stitch’
relied upon
was built upon
lies
Consumed
from others
that we
self tie
but mostly
force fed
by the very hand
controlled
by my head

It’s a numbing thought;
reasons sought
Elusive?
‘yes’
but pieces
caught
My peace disturbed
by actions
brought
from a desire
to numb
so that these thoughts
will be
forgotten

Decayed
and rotten
left for days
in a
wrought iron cage
Anyone
with sage
too afraid
to consume
but 'In-Doom'
I trust
and with full ******
my smile
displayed;
Forward I go
for sins
I pay
and lie within
this bed
I've made

Not night;
thick of day
No difference displayed
Skewed indifference
to the
different
paths
that have been
laid
like the path
of destruction
from this day
back
in my wake
Bindings
can't brake
A life's mistake
Lay me down
my soul
to take
Lying in state,
a viewing,
my wake
My mind
now awake
-
Cruelty's laugh
makes me
an ***
A crass reminder
of a life
that's past
Written: July 14, 2018

All rights reserved.
Jul 2018 · 163
The Road We Travel

At times upon this “road of life” we travel
there may be
a furthering of distance between us


But whether foot
or inch
or mile
and whatever value that precedes it



You will always
be near and dear
to my heart

Written: July 29, 2018

All rights reserved.

distance is just a number when it comes to those we love and care about
Jul 2018 · 1.6k
No pain, No gain

When I was younger
I had it all


But life took a turn
It all came crashing down
and I was left flat broke
Losing all that I owned

But when I did
All those who loved and cared for me
Lifted me up with love

And in that moment
I was able to see
How much
I truly had...

It was only when I had nothing
I could see that I had everything

And what a wealthy man I am
Written: July 26, 2018

All rights reserved.
Jul 2018 · 292
Rock Star

I have a confident (not cocky or arrogant) belief
that I am a Rock Star
capable of infinite feats

yet I am defeated before I even venture out
by the
'other'(Me) who is filled with self-doubt

And regardless of what I project on the surface
I "Know" deep down the "Truth"

that I am worthless
Not how I feel about myself right now
but sadly how I have felt at times in the past

Written: July 25, 2018

All rights reserved.

self-defeating self-sabotaging I am my greatest strength and worst enemy
Jul 2018 · 18.3k
Tomorrow never comes
Tomorrow never comes
Today is always yesterday
Time is forever on the run
Becoming lost; Wasting away

Surrounded by the void
But darkness not why I am rattled
From this question, can't avoid
Do I belong amongst the shadows?

Back and forward I will peer
While staying blind to what's ahead
I am engulfed and filled with fear
Unsure what's real or in my head
Written: June 10, 2018

All rights reserved.
Jul 2018 · 8.5k
Have a goal

Must have a goal
Go get that thing
What if I want
To stop and sing

Retreat inside
Wait out the storm

Else feel the wrath
Of nature scorned

Instead a kid
I wish to be
To feel alive
And so carefree


Each drip, each drop
Upon my head
Wish I could splash
In rain instead


I'd watch the sky
Explode with light
A warming joy
Not filled with fright

When did I lose
Sight of it all
Predictable
Pattern I fall


Start living in
Every moment
Past and future
Wasted and spent

Granted a new
Chance I'm given
Can not redo
But start living

Each day awake
Fresh start; Can be

World's my oyster
Alive and free
Written: July 14, 2018

All rights reserved.
Jul 2018 · 21.6k
Undulated Desires

This coup
A new nation
Loyal dedication
Its classification

‘Species procreation’
Prevents us from facing
A human cessation
selective mutation
Gestation
Creation

It may help explaining
The reasons
Behaving
But not the foundation
Or actions
We’re basing


A simplification
is “continuation”
A checkbox
left vacant
Fulfillment
We’re chasing


We sweat
Eyes are gazing
A slight
palpitation
In need of hydration
Complete excitation
Without
hesitation
Intense stimulation
Deep urges
Heart racing

Driven
By sensations


Unbounded fixation
Pelvic
Undulations
Clothing
Perforations
Time no longer wasting

This capitulation
a Sanctification
****** gyrations
Hint of *******


The bedroom
Safe haven
For what
we are craving
Once out
and displaying

It all had been taken
Before
Feeling vacant
Freed imagination
A resuscitation
Indulged depravation

A rhythm
we’re setting
The giving and getting
Destroying
the bedding

All else I’m forgetting
Entwined
with each other
Like entangled netting
Both
on the same trip
In a unified heading


Now comes
the summation
A true
Revelation
Final
culmination
Smash all expectations
Volcanic
eruption

That lasts the duration
Loud gasp
We unlock

Filled with gratification
Written: July 8, 2018

All rights reserved.
Jul 2018 · 273
When destiny calls

THE HORIZON:

A nexus
where everything comes together
This place of nowhere
that goes on
forever

Housing my goals
always just out of reach
Lifetime of attempts
that result in defeat

Inspirational drive
my eyes are locked in
I ride and I ride
but not able to win


I stretch & bend
Contort
Try to grab
Came very close once
Gives me solace
Ain’t it sad?

The times I gave up
turn around
run away

In response, turning too
Follows me
But rift stays

A symbiotic pair
in a suspended state
Lifetime chase but don’t catch
Given this
Hellish Fate

Written: July 9, 2018

All rights reserved.

when does next time become this time
Jul 2018 · 239
Life: a definition

My existence is finite

But my possibilities are infinite

Written: July 6, 2018

All rights reserved.

dilemma of life our existence a unique puzzle to each
Jul 2018 · 273
New Recently Old Friend

We see each other time to time
New recently, old friend of mine
Each separately caught in a vice
Having same goal; make the world nice
And neither man would be naive
or gullible that he'd believe
Our World is Just, and a fair place
While living lives that are disgraced


If ears I've bent; a tale for thee
Crooked it's not or make believe

Beginning of a good tale goes
'Twas once upon a time or so'
In kingdom far as eyes could see
There lived two sets of Kings and Queens
Empires reaching far and vast
Not once before had their lives past

Each King sat high upon his throne
Great charity; for this was known
So much so that they were renamed
Not shying from spotlight and fame
"King Midas"; the title given
A moniker by far fitting
Not hands held out but standing near
Closest of "friends" quite insincere

Always there was one if not two
Surrounded themselves with a crew
On shoulders they would carry him
That's when the ending would begin
A life that's full; would self-indulge
Within his pants they'd spot the bulge
Eyes growing wide; hearts filled with lust
And with each other fought and fussed

To surpass this, nothing exists
Not one thing higher on the list
Of aphrodisiacs is known
Gets them to beg and wail or moan

The thickness almost splits the seems
Allowing one to see the green
No, not the Hulk but it's a beast
Maker of wars; killer of peace
In their hands wanted, once they see
The thick stack of luscious money

But once the tide begins to turn
Since through that money they had burn
They're quick to leave or toss him off
If he needs them, replied in scoff
A man of wisdom, thought he was
Life filled with pain, so get a buzz
For you numbing will guarantee
All of the hurt will quickly leave


Not many pains greater than this
Seductive is betrayal's kiss
There's strength in numbers; that is true
In time of need they will leave you
To foot the bill; To pay the price
Not just with money; With your life
As struggles hit and hardships fall

No one will help ; No one to call

Oh how the mighty have fallen
Coyotes lunge; Vultures mauling

When tripped up started to stumble
Offering help? Instead they pummeled
Never thought life would be this
If only one answered his wish

They saw him fall; they could have helped
Instead they kicked him as he knelt

He staggered, trying to get up
Himself gather;
that's when they struck
And pushing him much further down
Each strike drove closer to the ground

They were his friends or so he thought
But wasn't real; short time was bought
A shattered man left in their wake
Cause not one minute they could take

There was a chance he could bounce back
Changing the course; get life on track

Instead he can't cut from himself
The concrete block that was his wealth
Tremendous love that he had once
Family and friends; played for a dunce
He was a fool for he believed
Was innocent; Somewhat naive


Thought people, by nature, were good
But found evil in its place stood
If warning received at the start
Could stop them from breaking his heart
As a blind man, kindness he dealt
They took advantage; Stole with stealth
A hard life but there's no amount

His values would never discount

No dollar sum he would receive
Where morals or integrity
He'd have to waiver; Put on pause
These are the most important "laws"
Dictating for the world to know
No matter what you say or show
This "takes the cake" and it transcends
Can't justify or spin and bend

His character; What makes a man
Can knock him down but he'll still stand
It doesn't matter what's served up
All might be gone; World takes your stuff
But no way for these to be stripped
Naked and starved with heart that's ripped
He goes forward with smiling face
"I am not them";
The ones disgraced
Written: May 1, 2018

All rights reserved

devious nature of surreptitious souls ***** the life blood dry
Jun 2018 · 641
Added to scars from before

You decimate!
Stabbing my core
Now added to
scars from before

Another rip
What’s one more tear?
I do not speak
I'm struck with fear
This is my path
Fate has no choice
I tell myself
With inner voice

She does not hit
There’s no contact
Her weapons, words
A deep impact


With a true strike
Inflicted pain
And damage caused
Sometimes sustained
But very worst
From punch or kick
My body harmed
Can not inflict
The type of wounds
When letters placed
Creating words
My soul disgraced

The fabric stitched
that makes up me
Together holds
my entity


Of essence it
Can penetrate
A wound so deep
That’s it; Checkmate
Forever changing
who I am
So powerful
An altered plan
And bit by bit
it takes away
the strength within
no longer stays
My fading soul
I am no more
I’m just a pet
A "thing" to store


An item
under lock and key
Forever lost
No longer 'me'
Written: June 30, 2018

All rights reserved.
Jun 2018 · 3.2k
Brain Entombed

Inside
       of  
           my    
               head
            
                        Entombed  
                                 is  
                                      a   
                              
                         B   R   A   I   N

                                      Can’t
             ­                                shake
                                                      this    ­        
                                                        ­   feeling
                                                       ­    That  
                                                             ­it’s
                                                             ­not    
                                                      ­       the      
                                                            s­ame
                                                     Infected sickness
                                                Covered with dull pain
                                         A rabid                          werewolf
                         ­             I’m trying                             to tame
                                     Almost off                              the leash
                                    I tug at                                    the reigns
                                    Hold              on  ­       with       sheer will
                                    Have          nothing   ­    to                 gain
                                
                           ­        My                       efforts;                  A joke
                                   Fighting               a freight                   train
                                    Through              gr­it teeth             I smile
                                      Demeanor             ­                       I feign
                                          Failure          ­    coming            soon
                                      ­       My life,         one more        stain


                                             ­                    Lost
                                                          ­         sight
                                                                ­      of
                                                                ­      it
                                                                ­        all
                                                   ­               To
                                                              w­hat
                                                            ­ it
                                                 pertains
                                                      ­I
                                                    am
                                              sinking
                                                down
       ­                                            Spinning in
                                       the drain
                                                    An
                                               endless
                                              battle
           ­                             Forever
                                     the
                                bane
                           ­  Of
                      my
           existence

            No                   longer                    I’m                   sane………


Written: May 1, 2018 (finished June 27, 2018)

All rights reserved.
[Anapestic Pentameter format]
Jun 2018 · 2.4k
You are my friend

You are my friend…..


One of maybe two or three
I give that label to
and now you’re moving far away
I don’t know what to do

Of all the people in my life
you're one I like the most
And when you’re gone I fear I’ll be
a lost and empty ghost


In rough times you could make me laugh
No matter if crying
That’s how it was for you and I
Song birds always singing


Seldom in life those come along
with whom you just connect
No effort needed to belong
Each other, you both get

In a dark sky, you’re my North Star
Beacon of light and hope
But now it’s just an empty space
Left with six feet of rope

And selfishly, in fact I'd do
about most anything
If I could get you not to leave
Forever we could sing

But doing so would mean that you
Would live life in a cage
Taking away what makes you, You
It wouldn’t be the same

I’m not that selfish even though
the pain rips at my core
I’d take it for eternity
If it meant you weren’t sore

My dearest friend I hope you know
I love you very much

And even though you won’t be close;
Can not reach out and touch


I know we’ll talk and even see
each other time to time
When touching base or catching up
To know each other’s fine

But like a tide, sometimes in life
Friendships will ebb and flow
Each person has a life to live
And down a path we go

And even in those times when we
might drift further apart
You’re someone I’ll always hold near
and cherish in my heart


Fly Fly away now little bird
Go off and spread your wings

And I’ll wait here till you return
When once again we sing
Written: June 21, 2018

All rights reserved.
[Iambic Heptameter format]
Jun 2018 · 969
Sit in Solace

I sit in solace as I think of you
The love I thought we had
Reminiscing like a fool
Of good times and the bad


We're all human as were you
Each flawed in our own way
If I rid myself of just a few
Maybe you would have stayed

Written: April 4, 2018

All rights reserved.
Jun 2018 · 730
Energy & Vibration

I can not control the actions of others
I can only control me
A lifelong task to do my part
Choosing the
energy
Emanate from in my core
The vibe that others get
A feeling that is positive

Tuned frequency that’s set

Harmonic tone in the chorus
The Universe’s choir
Be kind for just the sake of it
With nothing more desired
No expectations preconceived
Mindset on others placed
The smallest task; the largest deed
Can quickly be erased

If when complete there’s no return
Signaled acknowledgment
So you rebuke with scoff or scowl
Good deed out window went
If something’s the right thing to do
Then do it just because
You know it’s right and should be done

A life fulfilled you’ve won
Written: April 17, 2018 (started) & June 16, 2018 (finished)

All rights reserved.
Jun 2018 · 23.8k
As Long as You Never Leave

If you are a demon
then send me to Hell
If you are a witch
then take me with your spell

If you are a drug
Then in my vein inject
If you’re a psychosis
Let my life be wrecked

If choosing to stay
Then a price must be paid
Sign a contract in blood
I'm forever your slave

You're heartless and cold
The Devil, you might be
Yours to torture forever
Just don't ever leave
To the deepest of pits
You just take me and throw
From the world I am absent
So far down below
Other people prefer
To Hell travel than know
But for me I'd give all
Please just don't ever go

Thank you CJ for your poetic comment that inspired me to write this additional epilogue  =^)

Written: June 14, 2018
[epilogue written: April 25, 2019]

All rights reserved.
[Amphibrachic Hexameter format]
Jun 2018 · 10.8k
Flawed and Kindred Humans
Deferred thought my mind speaks
but unable to reach
Since, lacking proper fuel
words are no more than tools
Idly on the shelf
All alone by themselves
Whether each has the skill
Makes no difference still
Needs a user to wield
The brain must be unsealed
Else it's nothing but noise
And will only annoy
To communicate one
Has to pay attention
And your message think through
It is important to

Listen right back
Without barbs or attacks
Open-mind speaking freely
Add diplomacy
Must employ use of tact
Support statements with fact
Do not rush; take your time
Critical? Then be kind
Not a must to agree
Can't force someone to see
Each of us has his thoughts
Throughout life we are taught
There are social patterns
Easily to discern
So, wherever you fall
Do not build up a wall

Keeping out you will win
As you lock yourself in
Rigid form without flex
New ideas will perplex
Ignorance and denial
Grow into a pile
On island alone
Statue made of stone
In your mind you’re entombed
Happy life is now ruined
Feeling always against
With a paranoid sense
A refusal to see
An unwavering tree
But a tree can still bow
Give and take it will show

Rigid thoughts become firm
Close your mind; will not learn
Placing all of the weight
Just for you; here to take
And must always support
Forcibly will contort
Having flex we adjust
This in life is a must
Something we can not do
Like to uncook a stew
Won't exist very long
People just not that strong
Or should they try to be
A journey incomplete
Happiness lies within
On these words please don’t spin

A sole island you're not
Harmony should be sought
Infinite universe
You can’t always be first
Finding balance in life
Like to see without sight
Each of us wants respect
But to give is to get
Listen up before talking
Use foot and start walking
Will find in due time
Not to bother or mind
People are free to think
From each other we drink
How we grow and evolve
Complex problems we’ll solve

Not a perfect system
But we gather wisdom
Always strive to improve
It’s the best we can do
To communicate we
Open our minds to see
And try to understand
Flawed and kindred humans
Written: June 12, 2018

All rights reserved
Jun 2018 · 282
Can Not Hide
Shots fired
I’m wired
Not feeling
inspired
I’m tired
and mired
through mud
desired
Not hired
it's dire
begging
I'm a liar
Yes Sire!
the decider
new fryer
get higher

Buy more
shy more
Look away
eyesore
die more
alive for?
puppet
Life’s *****
once poor
on tour
strive toward
hole bored
cut cord
get gored
massive horde
fall on sword

I sighed
been eyed
emptiness
inside
crashing waves
rising tides
try to run
can not hide
take away
splitting sides
using drugs
as my guide
I flied
got denied
covered eyes
never tried

Constantly
state of fear
always weird
no peers
endless tiers
getting seared
without shears
blocking ears
won’t hear
King Lear
nothing's clear
or near
words smeared
wheels steered
changing gears
many years

Been spared
live scared
Death stared
no one cares
taste the hair
and share
upstairs
partly rare
double dared
always wear
sitting in
electric chair
eyes glare
heart tears
as predicted
soul's bare
Written: June 7, 2018

All rights reserved.

standing naked can not hide baring my soul
Jun 2018 · 260
The Hype Man Caught Me

Yesterday was writing when I
got caught up in the hype
No solid idea in my head
but fiending for those likes
Without realizing, drifted back
Put on my old routine
Code that is approval-seeking
had slipped in sight unseen
With resistance dredging forward;
syllables I force out
No clear idea the words to say
or what it is about
I gather up a garbage pile
but spray it with Febreze
The opposite I want to share
for everyone to see

Poetry is a translation
formatted into words
The boundless dreams, creative thoughts;
grounded through the absurd
No rules, guidelines or self restraint
should implement or use
Allow your soul to lead the way;
emotions are the muse


However, I feel there's one thing
each writer should possess
Embedded within character:
innately we possess
It's not a rule or a guideline
A path one adheres to
More like a vessel that each word
is birthed and traveled through
Gives life to ink with its voice
reciting what's written
If poetry is the email
than this is how you 'send'


If one is honest and truthful
Then filled the "requisites"
Defined by the Creator
only he or she can set
Whatever the thing we all have
mulling around inside
For some of us it's breaking out
And others it will hide
Can't quantify or explain it
It's not 'one-size-fits-all'
Sometimes it's clear and plain to see
Some hide behind a wall

Ultimately, we get it out
in words, it manifests
Feel at times that I can transcend
Others, ripped from my chest
It's not about looking "pretty"
Fitting into a box
We need more than 'cookie-cutter'
Don't want just Goldilocks
Staying intact after poured out
However it finds form
The beauty's in the honesty
If dark, it still feels warm
Emotion or experience
Can both have their offspring
A message screaming for a voice
Wants out so it can sing

Parents can see within their child
beauty when others don't
But beauty's found in many forms
Finds ways to touch our souls
Each message, voice, or energy
We put down and we share
Can look and feel like one before
To each of us it's rare

We chip off a piece of ourselves
Bit of soul to donate
Rippling through the Universe
Each time when we create
Give life to it and let it out
don't warp or try to bend
A tale conveyed with honesty
A true 'share' when you send

There's nothing more one should expect
Message belongs to you
Wrap heartfelt words in blood & soul
Is all
that we
can do


Written: June 6, 2018

All rights reserved.

poetry is an honest and heartfelt translation formatted into words
Jun 2018 · 709
Shifting Tides

Even the Ocean

With all of its might
And all of its momentum

Can't stop its tides from shifting
Or tell the wind which way to blow

Written: June 4, 2018

All rights reserved.
Jun 2018 · 321
Contrarian

I live in a world filled with empty lies and broken promises.
People projecting a facade like cheap veneer.
And here I am, a living contrarian following popular beliefs.
A paradoxical quagmire lost in the fog
while also grabbing my hand and leading me forth with guidance


Wanting what I can't have
And having what I don't want


I am a living contradiction

Often feeling like I am a real life theatrical performance
The true meaning of comedy and tragedy
But is it all real or just the show inside my head?

Written: May 3, 2018

All rights reserved

contrarian lost in the fog is it real or dream
Jun 2018 · 503
Mascot

My outer display
is what I portray
I'm cast in the show
this role that I play
This person you see
a facade, it's not me
I choose what I show
and who I will be
Somewhere deep inside
A place where I hide
the person I was
he left or he died
A mascot, I don
A costume put on
I act as I should
The true me is gone
A hologram show
Was lost long ago
who is the real Mike
I no longer know
Written: May 8, 2018

All rights reserved.
May 2018 · 616
Predator or Prey

A girl
who I knew
was the new girl at school
And the boys
all used to
in a gaze
see her through
hollow eyes;
Salivate
as if she
were a dish
And their stares
were affixed
In their heads
just one wish

Nothing new
No surprise
In a trance
In a state
Under hypnotic spell
Never cease or abate
Lick their lips
“Just you wait”
A nightmare
but awake
Lived each day
In torture
till no more
she could take

Like a cake
you would bake
Recipe
you would make
Stalk with stealth
A cheetah
Not a sound
Lie in wait
Fat and bloated gazelles
not aware
of their fate
Mindlessly
stood about
with one thought
‘I must mate’

Every day
sit and wait
like they were
on a date
The boys on this car ride
Not two hands;
They have eight
Always grab
and they *****
Sexually
violate
Decency and respect?
Not possessing these traits

Not one way
show or say
No reflection
Today
What they want;
Get their way
And for her
there's no say
Transformation from prey
This day forward will stay
All that ****
our protagonist took
ends today

Thinking that they will keep
And forever their treat
Going on for so long
They're not even discreet
They're not able to see
that this "thing"
Is a "she"
Cost til now has been hers
it's time they pay the fee

What's in front of me now?
Can it help me somehow?
Does it benefit me?
Kneel before me and bow!
Narcissist
Not enough
to describe
how they ****
They're the ****
Parasites
Leeches
And they are stuck

If you wish
to get rid
Trap inside
Close the lid
Bring the bug to the fire
Ice cream truck to a kid
These soul-suckers will burn
Agony; writhe and squirm
Not my motive
admit
I'll enjoy
They don't learn

Going to
take a guess
that you can not digest
any type
of abuse
It must cease and desist
Gonna end it today
Now's the time
They will pay
Sudden surprise attack
It will blow them away

Arsenal
Loaded up
Today's walk
Is a strut
As she enters
The gauntlet
Starts hearing the ****
But what happened
Might stun
The explosives,
hand guns
When it came to weapons
Truth be told
She had none

Well at least
In the sense
Of conventional type
To do so
Is like them
And just would not be right

But she wasn't unarmed
Had a "weapon"
her 'Voice'
Will be silent no more
And today
Made a choice

She bravely
Was the first
Against them
To speak up
None before her had dared
Each had kept her mouth shut

It's the fear
That's the ammo
To control
their minds
Facing up
To a pack
When alone
It takes time


Once there is
The first one
Who's had it
She is done
I am not
An object
Or a trophy
That's won
I demand
My respect
Like all others
Will get
Perhaps you did not know
But your match
You just met

A new precedent set
Now the filth
Are in debt
Margin call
They can't pay
Feel the heat
Start to sweat
Because one
Becomes two
Just like that
Seams unglued
Thought they could
Get away
But it all
Will come due

Had their wagers
attached
Only to
The small fact
They got caught
Now distraught
"What are you looking at?!"
Even though
They can't see
Ignorant
And naive
How they're feeling right now
Life for her
Used to be

Now those days
Are no more
That one voice
Now a roar
Found a new confidence
She did not
Have before
The filth pile
Could not see
In no way
To believe
Not a "thing"
Or an "it"
She is a
Human being.
Written: May 5, 2018

All rights reserved.
May 2018 · 1.9k
One Regret

Final ticks on the clock
Hourglass; a few grains
Might not make sense to you
But I am not insane
Feel the end drawing near
I don't have much time left
I'm okay to move on
Only have one regret

Many mornings passed by
Was in bed wrapped up tight
Fire streaked through the sky
And the day replaced night
An explosion of hues
Fire that God had set
The sky painted for me
Did not see; I regret

Or a clear and cold night
Spent locked up and away
Prisoner in my home
By my choice it's this way
Staring at the TV
Often feel like its pet
Should have stared at the stars
Beauty missed; I regret

An assembly of friends
Maybe family event
It could be something small
Or require repent
Those I love and I know
People I have yet met
Socialize; Interact
Did not do; I regret

I followed my heart
And my dreams were alive
Lived each day to the max
Drinking nectar of life
The potential I had
Wasn't lost on a bet
Fairy tale had come true
Dreaming still; I regret
Written: May 28, 2018

All rights reserved.
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