you saved me
with your superhero cape.
you swooped down
and carried me to safety.
you held me
in your superhero grip.
you put a hand to my face
and erased the tears.
do you know how special you are?
a superhero
armed with words
that will fix my broken soul.
your weapon is your love.
with love
you fight off the monsters
that come to me at night.
it is because of you that i smile.
it is because of you that i live.
so go on
and i will follow thee
to the last gasp with truth and loyalty.
my superhero.

You shine through the darkness,
A single flame in a sea of emptiness.
I am drawn to you,
Captivated by your secret beauty.
Wonder seeps through your every aspect,
An air of mystery surrounds you.
I watch from afar,
Observing your every emotion.
Hope emits from your presence,
A faith so strong it overwhelms nature.
Suddenly you go out.
And once again I am
Lost
In this
Sea of emptiness.

How do I balance
Loving you
And not loving you?
The scales always tip one way
Or the other.
I can't maintain equilibrium.
I'm not even sure if I want to?

She doesn't care where she ends up.
She just keeps on going.
Hiding away until she reaches
What she came for.
A smile plastered to her worn face,
Hiding the pain
Of growing up too fast.
More mature than her age.
Her laugh hides an injured soul,
Within her eyes
A sense of longing.
Terrible beauty
Hiding
Deep within her

With black leaves and black clocks,
I fall and drift as the time I forgot
Spirals beneath me,
A whirlpool dragging me
Down, down, down.
It dirties my soul with every turn,
Blackens the lessons that I learn,
Removes my life that means nothing now.
Away I travel.
Exploring the world with a sense of unknown,
Pitter-pattering on the edge of reason.
My doom is inevitable.
It is imminent.
It is lonely.
Alone, alone I press on.
I take back the black of the leaves and the clocks,
And slow the seconds in the time I forgot.
It is now.

thank you.
look at the life you have given me.
no, it's not perfect,
yes i still cry
but oh my god
it is wonderful to be alive.
remember how i used to hate myself?
well, i'm getting better
thanks to you.
i used to think i was worthless
but you made me see
i am magnificent.
i can't thank you enough
that my heart is beating.
yes my pulse is still weak
but it is getting stronger
i am getting stronger.
this time last year i cried in the rain
but today i danced in the puddles
of my disappearing sorrow.
you are amazing
and i love you
and i owe you so much.
thank you.
you saved my life.

words protect us.
they shelter us from the storm of life.
they wrap themselves around us,
engulfing our every movement.
whether they are sung or spoken or written,
words have power.
more power than you could ever imagine.
they can hurt.
your words can cause torrential downpours
in the hearts of others.
but kind words are just as powerful.
they can inspire.
your words can achieve someone's dream.
why would you choose harmful words when your kind sentences can change the world?

I've missed
the smile you
inflict on me
with every word.

There is a certain comfort in anonymity,
The ability to disguise ourselves as no-one.
But this disguise becomes too real,
Reality and fantasy reverse:
We are no-one,
Our disguise is now the person
We once were.
There is no desperation in regaining our
Identity.
Are we too scared to be someone? To have meaning?
Willingly we discard our existence and
Replace it with nothing.
We are nothing.
Nothing.

We are musical notes
Drifting as waves through the air.
Each of us has a unique rhythm,
A different beat.
We are nothing more than melodies,
Penetrating the ears of those we love.
And your melody is beautiful.
It moves me across the floor
As I dance,
Spinning and pirouetting through voids of happiness.
Your breath is the voice of a bluebird,
Your heart the gentle beating of the drums,
Your ribs the strings of a guitar
And your eyes wilful composers.
You are the song I can't stop singing.

You open it.
A quivering hand turns the page.
They become you and
You become them.
Their emotions are yours.
You are lost in the words.
This is your escape.
You are free at last.

I so badly want to say it back.
It's on the tip of my tongue but
Memories from before seal my mouth.
They press my lips together to prevent the words from escaping,
Forming a kiss.
Your eyes lock onto my mouth and I know
You won't give in until you taste
The sourness-
Though you mistake it for sweet.
Despite my silence I have said it.
I cannot seem to prevent myself.
I go in for another kiss.
This time I don't need the memories to move
My lips.
There. I said it.
Are you happy?

I am suffering from it.
Just like you.
Just like everyone else.
It creeps up on us and envelops us,
Turning everything dark.
It is malevolent.
It climbs inside my body,
Grips my heart with its cold fingers.
It destroys me.
Just as it does you.
But it will never be found,
Never be held to account.
Because we are too afraid to expose
It.

Warm my blood with a kiss of your sorrow,
Fuel my beating heart with the despair
I have inflicted upon you.
Give my lungs the breath of your woe.
Quench my thirst with tears of desperation
To be happy.
All that maintains me is your sadness.

inside
there is a deep sadness.
you let it in when you ripped
my heart open.
it swarmed to the
open wound.
don't worry,
my heart is fixed now.
she glued it back together
with her love.
do you realise that she spends
her whole life
tidying up after you?
the thing is:
when she closed my heart
she forgot to remove
the sadness from inside.
so now it's trapped.
and it's trying to escape.
my heart is bursting at the seems
as it fights against the muscular walls.
it's going to break free
any moment now.
and the tears will pour.
make sure you don't have a broken heart
or it will come to you next.

Do not weep for the events that will come.
Treasure past memories, but do not fret.
All that matters is the moment.
All that matters is now.
What are you currently doing?
Sitting on a bus?
Reading a book?
Watching television?
Whatever it is, just stop and think for a minute.
When did you last thank someone?
When did you last tell her you loved her?
These are the things you should be thinking about.
It doesn't matter what you look like,
It doesn't matter what grades you're getting.
It doesn't matter whether you get that job or not.
All that matters is now.
Your friends, your family, your love.
They are all that will ever matter.
Are you making enough time for them?
Just forget about everything else.
Forget about it all apart from love.
The extent of your love is the extent of you.
Love everyone.
And be kind.
Because that is all that matters.
Love is all that matters.

In the arms of your mother you blink into the sunshine.
And her eyes glisten with the love she never imagined.
You've been a long time coming, little one.
She has waited for you for decades,
A timeless twinkle in her smile.
And she has suffered.
So much.
But looking into your eyes
She knows it's been worth it.
You were worth her pain.
You are all the love she has ever felt.
And all the love she never knew she had.
You have completed her.
And you will never know how much you mean to her
And how much she prayed for you.
How much we all prayed for you.
But you will always know how loved you are.

Welcome to the world, little one.
You're going to love it.

The rain falls,
Endlessly tumbling from frangible wisps of love.
Each droplet touches my bare skin with delicacy,
Pirouetting as they engulf the intricate curves of my naked figure.
I dance in the downpour,
Absorbing the joy as I watch the sorrow deliquesce.
It is beautiful.

everything is beautiful
and nobody is happy.
the earth hurtles round the sun
just for us
and we still complain
that nothing goes right for us.
the chances of us existing
were so minuscule
but we are here now.
isn't that amazing?
and didn't anyone ever tell you?
we have superpowers.
the power to love
the power to laugh
the power to save.
you are a superhero
merely because you are living.
recognise the beauty of the universe
and be happy

because i love you.

She scrapes her scalp with the metal teeth
That promised to bring her beauty,
Then destroys
Each ringlet of pulchritude with burning tongues of fakery.
She slaps orange liquid on to her pale face,
Desperately disguising every perfect imperfection.
Darkening her sight and reddening her speech,
She puts up the barriers to prevent
Her emotions from revealing themselves.
Squeezing into pieces of bright cloth that accentuate her figure,
She smiles at her superficial curves.
Staring vainly into the mirror,
She grins.
Because she no longer resembles herself.

I am falling
(for you)
Far too fast.
Every word,
Every touch
Makes me want
To dance
To spin
To leap
Into everything.
But I'm scared
You'll disappear
And I'll continue
To fall.
But without you
To catch me
What will happen?
I am falling
Far too fast.

But baby it is wonderful.

i find it funny
that you think everyone
is bulletproof
when i know you
would shatter
like glass
at the slightest touch

little lightning bolts
shoot down my spine
whenever you talk.
you brighten my day
with every touch.
every embrace
brings me up
from the dark place;
the one i'm starting to visit
less and less.
i thought he had
locked me there forever
but suddenly you came
with the key
to my happiness.
and now whenever i see you
little lightning bolts
brighten up my life.

A child smiles
At the smallest of things:
The way a bird flies,
The beat of its wings.
A rich autumn's breeze,
A cold winter's day,
The summer's green trees,
When spring comes to stay.
A dark empty night,
A white moon's face,
Stars shining bright,
A wonderful place.
A room filled with love,
Surrounded by laughing,
The thought of above,
Acceptance, no asking.
But then we grow up
And we smile no more.
We don't want to be us,
Nothing at all.
Don't lose your dreams,
Don't lose your smile.
Always believe.
Be your inner-child.

Again my eyes flicker down to the screen in front of me.
I wait.
Every few seconds I check again.
Just waiting
For the sound that brings so much hope,
So much love.
Still you haven't replied.
I try to forget but it never leaves my mind.
My eyes keep returning to the vacant glow.
Repeatedly I check,
Aware of my desperate futility.
I will wait
For you
Forever.

i want to live in a place
where the only filter
is the light of the street lights
and the only colour
is the sunset on a snowy evening.
i want to live in a place
where you are everything
and everything glows of you.

life was so dull
until she swept in,
a beautiful hurricane,
rendering me speechless
with her love and kindness.
oh god, she was so kind.
her heart beat for everyone else,
not an inch of her soul
belonged to her.
she was one of those people
who you could just trust.
you could look into her eyes
and you knew everything would be okay.
she saved my life
and so many others
in so many ways.
i owe her everything
but i'm too scared
to tell her
how much she means to me.

i
love
you

Everything is okay
And then
"I miss you" she says
And your heart disintegrates
Into a thousand tiny pieces
Of forgotten love,
Pumping around your body,
Poisoning you with pain you once felt,
Causing everything to stop.
You stutter
And gasp
As her beauty destroys you.
Then she looks at you,
Her bright blue eyes stare into you
And then everything is gone.
You are over.

whoever you are, wherever you are, you are wonderful.
you are full of life and love and the world is so lucky to have you walk upon it.
whatever you might be going through, it will be okay.
i promise.
everything is always okay if you're patient.
and if you wait long enough, everything is brilliant.
never think that you are the only one.
we are all broken in some way.
all of us are struggling to survive.
so please never feel you are alone.
talk to someone.
please.
if we all just spoke about how we were feeling the world would be a much better place.
if you have no-one else to talk to feel free to talk to me.
if you message me on here i can give you my email.
i'm always willing to help anyone and everyone regardless of age, gender etc.
i've been through a lot so i know exactly what it feels like.
sometimes you just need to be reminded that you are beautiful.
that you are special and loved and magical and so so wonderful.
i know it doesn't always feel like that but you are all those things.
every single one of you is brilliant and every single one of you deserves to live.
no matter what you're going through, you will overcome it and you will be okay.
i promise.
this is not a poem but i hope it helps somebody.

there you are again:
headphones in,
staring at the floor,
the whole universe pouring out of your gaze.
did you really think nobody would notice?
you are trying to block out the world
but it will never work
because the stars that brought us together
will always let me in.

i am trying so hard to help you
but what was once love
is now an abyss of sorrow
and all that now grows there are the black petals of your resentment.
you have built you walls so high
that not even i can climb them.
but i will find a way
no matter how much the weapons of your anger **** me.

you cannot shut yourself away forever.
i will always be able to find you
because the wonder you gave me
always leads me back to you.

There are so many other worlds.
So many skies you will never see,
Music you will never hear.
So much time you will never live.
There are cities that turn into stars at night
And mountains that burst through the clouds with such beautiful anger.
There are eyes that gaze into each other
And hearts that beat for another.
There is so much more that you will never see.
Be grateful for what you do see,
No one else will see it.

at first i saw only your petals,
a deep red blanket of acceptance
and i fell into you longingly.
it was a bed of comfort
that i had not felt before.
and for a few moments it lasted;
i felt your love
and i gave you mine.
but i fell through the petals
and became tangled
in the thorns of your true self.
you did not love me.
you needed to feel loved
and i was the only one
foolish enough to fall.
i am a fool.
i was terrified of you
and i did not leave.
you destroyed me.
with each thorn
you pricked my heart
and out seeped the
blood of my broken soul.
your kisses were not love,
they were saliva and teeth and passion.
desperation.
you never ******* loved me.
you used me
you forced me
you tricked me
and i believed you
with all my trusting naivety.

your petals withered
and died
and now you weep.
you tell them it is my fault.
all i ever did was trust you.
i saw your beautiful petals,
to me, they promised an escape.
but instead you offered me entrapment
amidst the thorns of your madness.
you are the one who killed my spirit
yet you act like i created sadness.
your tears are nothing
more than the guilt inside
the ruins of your mind.

you cry because you need attention.
do not be fooled:
attention is not love.
you crave pity
but no-one will give it to you because
you ******* killed me.

you ******* killed me.
i should be the one who cries.
i had the courage to escape your prison
but do not mistake that for the end of love.
it is you who ended the love
long before it even began.
you hid your thorns
you flaunted your petals
you tricked me
you lied to me
and it ******* killed me.
you ******* killed me.

why do you get to cry
when all you cry for is attention.
why must i cry in silence?
why must i cry alone?
when it is me who is hurting
because it is me who was blooming with love.

STOP

please don't hide your thorns for the next girl.
be your petals.

it's been two years since i died.
730 days since i took my own life.
and i never fell in love.
i was never kissed under the stars,
never found the place that was ours.
i never travelled to that far away paradise,
or fell asleep in his arms.
i never met her,
never saw her smile,
never made love,
never read all those books.
i didn't get my grades,
never went to festivals,
never drank too much,
never felt that pang of loss.
there is so much i never experienced.
i wish i never swallowed those pills.

when was the last time
you felt someone else's warmth?
the closeness of someone's heartbeat
right next to yours?
when were you last held
by someone who cares so much?
how long since someone told you
that they love all of you?
whispered it in your ear
whilst caressing your hair?
when did you last feel
loved?
wanted?
special?
has it been so long that you
can't remember
the hope and the happiness
wrapped in someone's arms?
when was the last time you smiled
thinking of someone?
have you forgotten what it is to be loved?


i am so lonely

i used to believe
that the sun rose
and the sun set
and the moon came out
and the moon hid
and that was it.
but you showed me that the sun
dances around the earth
before showing its beautiful colours
and saying goodnight.
and the moon shines bright
just for us,
so we can gaze into each other.

i used to believe that seasons turned
and the leaf fell from the tree
and that was it,
but you make the leaves flutter,
i see now that they don't fall-
they fly!
then take their place upon the autumn carpet
that will lead me to you.

i used to believe that everything just happened.
trees grew and withered,
humans existed and died
and that was it.
but trees don't just grow, they flourish
and humans live forever.

i used to believe that there was no reason for anything,
but now i see that
the whole world turns for us.

i am so trapped inside myself.
there are words in my heart
and they try to leap out,
battling with the black hole of my person.
there is so much i want to say
so much love i want to share
but the fear won't let it escape.
even when the alcohol dissolves the barrier,
the fear is still too strong
and again the words are lost
before my mouth can form the shape of 'i love you'.
i am so in love with so many people;
each of them a planet within my solar system,
more beautiful than anything you could imagine.
i wish i could tell them how i felt,
how much they meant to me,
how they keep me alive.
but
as always
the words are lost.

i keep everything.
little moments of happiness in a box beneath my bed,
ready for me to glimpse at when the tears arrive.
the receipt from my first date,
the lipstick i was wearing when i had my first kiss,
the photo from that first party,
the ticket to the first concert i went to.
as i look at each moment,
stroke the printed band name
and run my hands over the faces of those i love most,
i can still see it all.
the laughs,
the smiles,
the loud music.
i pick up the photo
and i feel his hand round my waist again,
immediately transported back
to that night
beneath the beautiful stars,
our lips pressed together and our bodies entwined.
i glance at the ticket
and my ears ring with the memory
of dancing
and flashing lights
and jumping over the ripples of notes.
i keep everything
because it makes me happy.
i will forever have those moments with me,
and i will never let go.

I wake to see my tear-stained pillow.
It looks at me with pure menace,
Replicating the hatred I have for myself
For hurting you.
Last night is a blur
Of desperation,
Longing,
Conflict.
Why is it that making you happy makes me
Sad?
Last night we
Spoke about
Nothing.
But it spiralled into everything
Without any effort at all.
I am too dysfunctional to continue.
And this morning you'd written a poem
About how you're too sad to write.
Can I have damaged you that much?
That it has prevented you from
Writing?
Oh how you love to write.
It is writing that unites us.
Have I broken you
So much that the link between us is also
Broken?
My tear-stained pillow smothers me with the memories of last night.
It is over now.
I am over.
I am gone.

the creativity is running out.
people are becoming robots;
their brains controlled
by the mechanics of greed.
but i refuse to succumb
to the ever growing sanity
of society
and humanity.
i will cling
to the words
and the music
and the art.
i will not be taken over,
my mind will not be stolen
by the goblins of the swollen
world below.
i will paint myself the colour of youth
and pray my camouflage
allows me to retain my imagination,
i will not lose it to the education
system which takes so many
minds of innocent children.
they used to dream
and feel
and smile
and cry.
now they sit in office blocks,
brains ticking like ******* clocks.
making phone calls,
the reciprocating voices also without souls.
and the art they used to create,
the beauty they used to dictate
hangs on the wall
of the long forgotten
art gallery of nostalgia.
creativity dismissed as playful,
boring must equate to important.
what happened to the people
who used to laugh at everything?
i refuse
to lose
the battle of my beauty.

the sky was purple tonight.
i thought that maybe you'd littered the clouds
with the parma violets you never used to be without.
i remember how you always tasted like them
and i'd occasionally find one under your tongue,
and you'd say you were saving it, just for me.

our song started playing today
in that little cafe you used to take me to,
the one with the soft wooden tables
and those armchairs that seemed perfectly made for me and you.
do you remember all the times we went?
sat together and hummed the tune to that song.
and you never looked more beautiful
than when that milkshake was pressed against your lips,
and the bright red cherry tickled your delicate skin.

the sky was purple tonight
and i miss you.

As I scrolled through her memories,

I could feel her pain burning through the screen

Into my eyes.

I cried for the girl she used to be:

Lonely

Forgotten

Sad.

She has always been beautiful

But

It took her a while to realise

Because

Her soul was stolen

By the darkness that lives inside.