She stands tall and slender like poetry
Her eyes hard as steel 
Her face a mask of sovereignty 
She's seen it all in her industry 

Outwardly she appears calm
Don't be fooled by her charms 
Her mannerisms are her keeping
Don't overstep your line. 

She's fought a hard battle 
Laid claim to the highest throne
She's driven out the competition 
But now she stands alone

At what cost comes success
The sacrifice of sanctity 
The loss of integrity 
A woman fighting in a man's world
Play by the rules or risk your dignity

The fall from grace will be so steep
One she'd rather not see coming
So she dances while she can
Her ballerinas grace has u enchanted 

When the time for the show is over
When the curtains r drawn and the lights are dimmer
She takes off her mask and weep miserably 
She has only loneliness
To keep her company

The Anger within me is boiling
The situation seems out of control
The fight or flight responses
Is as primal as it can be.
The amygdala, kicks in
And takes over for me.

But why blame it on primal
Cause religion teaches another
Created by the Father
Born of free will are we.
The choice of being noble
Or primal is in my capacity

So I decide to test my confusion
And see who lives inside of me
A person of free will or 
A carnal nature of me.

So when I encounter situations
Which would otherwise anger me
I'd like to bellow in rage
I'd like to make believe
Here my animal is taking over
I can feel his grip over me
The struggle within me is stronger
The ground I'm loosing steadily

I laugh! Where are you free will?
See whose got me now in his grip
And then in the flash of the moment
I see the irony!

Suddenly as if the scene's changed
The reactor becomes the actor
Letting go of a long sigh
The drama comes to a halt.
For in that moment, free will kicked in
My freedom I realized

Yes we are carnal beings
And it's not surprising
Because animals behave just as we
But we are armed with an arsenal
To be infinitesimally good
To be heavenly

If only we listen to our inner wealth
Telling us to above all rise
When we give vent to our free will.
It's that moment to decide.

Anger is worst of the lot of monsters
But alone he's usually not.
He has a lot of companions
His minions are all about.

This matter is not simple
Don't get bogged down in psychiatry
Practice makes one perfect
Tackle your fears and threats
Handle each one steadily
Before long you'll know the signs
Arm yourself with humility
His minions will try wreak havoc
And wound your ability

So stop the amygdala from taking over
Ask yourself is it worth?
What is the worse that could happen
if things didn't go your way.
The answer will be astonishing
When you've discovered your treasure
You'll find the demon's flown
What a relief it will be
You'll feel blessed abundantly

Be careful whom you trust
Be careful who hears your words
Be careful to whom you confide
Often enough these are people who hide

Their masks are bright and painted
The claws dipping in blood and tainted
They feed on your every word
What you confide is like gold

Unbeknownst to you, they lie in quiet wait
Waiting and watching when you'll trip over your fate
Then gleefully will issue that malicious smile
I've got you trapped now, where will you fly.

From the heart of a wounded, I write to you
Friend, fear the one who says he's true
Test and try every one you meet
Open not your hearts door to everyone you greet!

My heart is simple, my feelings true.
I had no intention of offending you.
Not to shock, neither to stalk,
I simply decided to walk.
My sixth sense warned me not to go
I thought I just say Hello
To silently be a part of your grief
No tears apparent that I could weep.
Words a few, comfort to give.
Basic understandings, that I knew.

My world came toppling at your accusations
That I failed to understand your basic assumptions.

Yes, I do regret, surprising you.
But the greater shock, was seeing you.
Deciding to circumvent, I landed into you.
Not expecting, not realizing,
No benefit of a doubt.

I am the one shocked, I need to take stock
If this is ur attitude, twice I've taken the blame
Suffered the shame and humiliation
Only in loves name

Better my simple emotions in prose
May invite some perked up nose
Better my writes may not be liked
Than for me to plagiarize

The sun stole the daylight from her eyes
He blinded her to reality
Drove her to insanity

His brilliance was meant to protect
To heal to cure
To banish ills
To drive out demons that roamed the earth

The Sun in all his glory
Did that to her?

Blinded by his sheer magnificence
She stumbled in to darkness,
His was a light so bright
That it left her without sight

Is it so ? They mocked her!
Is it so, she asked herself
Can something that is meant to protect
Also take your life?
or drive you blind?

Who would believe her?
Who could she take her plea to?
They'd call her insane
And counter blame.

You are stupid! They'd say
To play with fire
To fly too close to the sun
Which fool did inspire?

So she went back into her cocoon
Her shelter, never to return, never to falter
She was scathed, her soul a cinder
Her heart a hole, her mind a blender.

We are our own darkness and we can be our own light.
We are our own prison and we can be our own freedom.
We are our own suffering and can be our own happiness.

It's all in the mind,
A fragile line between being bound and choosing to let go!

What's holds you down is not people or rules
What's holds you down is your own fetters
When you choose to stay and not break away

Who makes the rules that makes you stay
Who binds you in discipline in the name of the law
Who enforces them and pretends not to care
Those who make these rules themselves will not obey?

So I say to you, the only rule you need to follow
Is the one engraved on your heart
That is only one rule and that you must obey
For the Son of Man sealed it and its still stands true
Love one and another as I have you.

He was late.  He rushed forward.  All he could see was a crowd of people standing near a lady.  Her sister he guessed.  Dark sunglasses adorned a cherubic face.  Her red nose was a clear give away, that she had been weeping.  They had closed the grave. He was late. He didn't get a chance to see her one last time.

How could it be possible?  She had met him a few months ago!  She looked fine. He received a message from her sister.  She was dead. It was her funeral.  He could hardly believe it. How did life change in a mere few months?

Her sister was speaking to a group of young women, her friends, he gathered.  They were speaking with her sister. He overheard them say "But she never told us! She called us and said we should go camping and planned the whole trip at such a short notice.  We had so much fun! But she never told us."  

Her sister replied, "She was informed 4 months ago, somewhere at the end of Jan, that she had a few months to live.  She had developed a lung complication and it had taken a turn for the worse. The medication had stopped working. She didn't want any more doctor visits and stuff. She refused to get treated. She decided then she would have fun and live the last few months of her life, memorably.  Surprise friends, meet people she never made time for before. Make happy memories.  She lived her last days simply wanting to be happy.  She met most of the people on her wish list. Except a few who were away."  

Hearing that, his heart sank.  He was one of those she paid a surprise visit to. He remembered that day. He had been avoiding her. He recalled the surprise visit to his house. He was home that day. It caught him off guard.  He was in a spot and didn't expect that she should drop in unannounced. How upset he was! He recalled those words.  Angry words, he had lashed out at her. Then he didn't hear anything from her afterwards. Now it sank in him.  She met him at the end of Jan.  She didn't have time.  Why didn't she tell him that?  She hardly said anything at all.   He was angry with her, again, even now.  Why? Why? Why?  He approached her sister and introduced himself.  "Hi! I am John".  At that his sister interrupted him, "Oh! I have a note for you", With that she took out an envelope from her pocket and handed it over to him.

He was dazed. His sister turned her attention away.  He held the envelope in his hands, shock, disbelief, he couldn't explain what engulfed him at that moment.  He had always, avoided her.  She was irritating, a pain, he thought. She had issues.  Unresolved issues.  He remembered the time, she whispered to him, that she was in love with him.  But he ignored her.  Pretended that he never heard it. She wasn't his type. He opened the note.  It read.  

"Dear John, By the time you receive this note, I will not be physically present in this world. I am sorry for dropping in unannounced at your place, that day. I am really sorry. I realized you were upset, but believe me upsetting you was the last thing I had in mind.  

You see, I had been having issues with breathing for quite some time.  My sickness made me depressed.  A lung infection I caught on, turned into a complication. I was hoping to get better.  I never thought, that it would be the end of me.  But when the doc told me I had a few months to live.  I was shocked.  I asked myself.  What is the only thing you would regret leaving behind. And then I saw your face. You my dear friend, are the 1st person I will regret leaving behind. Not having spent time with you. And not spending time with people who have loved me irrespective of my so called "issues", these are the ones I will regret leaving behind.

So I decided to let the end of my life, albeit a few months, be the happiest days of my life.  And for once let me control what I choose to do with my days, rather than living a schedule of must do things and tasks and priorities.  You see, we have a choice, yet we choose to focus on the priorities that don't add any value or meaning to our lives.  Day and months pass by in meaningless pursuits.  We miss the opportunity to love and share our love with others.

You were in no doubt that I loved you, but I respected your decision. I don't resent it. I chose to give freely and to grow every day by being richer in the experience of just giving for the sake of it. I stopped worrying about how my actions will be interpreted by people around me.  Seriously, they have no clue about my journey and what it has taken me to keep myself alive.  

Having decided this for myself, I've spent the best days of my life in the last few months.  I am truly, happy and satisfied.  The only regret I have is that I didn't get to create a happy memory with you that day.  I also understand completely the reasons you gave me. But it doesn't matter now, does it?  I cannot create any more memories from my grave.  

Love ya always "

He closed the note. Yes, he realized no more memories, no more sorry.  You can't create memories from the grave.

Don't make me laugh
Your not in love with me
Let me tell you why
It's just your fantasy

Cause this is not love
You surely are mistaken
You've never felt love 
or anything close to it
Cause you never had 
love to under stand
You were too busy with pleasing
Standing up to expectations
Trying to fit a larger than life figure
Chasing dreams that were impossible
You drove yourself harder 
Hoping that somehow you'd make up for the affection you did not receive.
Your running on empty 
And empty is all you can give.

Love is not keeping yourself bottled
And taking flight for the smallest threat.
To your grandiosity.
Love is not sending cryptic clues
Trying to gauge responses
Love is not in hiding
But in making itself felt
Love's presence is silent
Yet the warmth radiates.

So I have nothing to expect from you.
Your tethering is not astonishing
I can understand the see-saw you feel inside.
An emotional wave you fear to ride.

So it's best we let bygones be what they are meant to be.
Don't start the process all over.
Try not to kindle the spark
Cause the fires have blown over.
I've healed myself, of the emptiness you've left behind.
I am not turning back this time.
My resolve is deep,  my mind made up.
I have promises made to myself.
To live a full life and always be content.

So, heads up I walk into my future
Closing the door of my past.
Letting go of the riddle of a relationship
And leaving the hurt behind.
You are now a closed chapter.
The book I could not complete.

I once knew a guy
Who had a strange reply
If I would talk about a certain friend
He would say "oh you referring to that black guy."
And if I said about another
The color descriptions came out further
So I decided to teach him a lesson
A few things about color.

I invited him to dinner 
With friends from different races
And when asked to be introduced
I began this way.

I am pink, my friend here is white
She's yellow, he's red, over there are brown and black.
Now with the introductions done, could tell me which color are you?

All I got a was jaw dropping colorless face staring back at me.

I lay my head on your heart
I hear your heart beat so close
The sound of your breathing fills my senses
The sound of heart beating strokes my soul

Why do I feel this connection?
Like the universe is in your arms
When enveloped by your senses
I seem to loose my calm

How peaceful and one I feel
with you truly by my side!
The power of the feelings you evoke
The connectedness I feel with you so sublime!

The words you are saying
are born inside my heart
but the script is on your tongue
Our hearts are so welded
that the language of love is one.

You've done it again! Time and again
First hook and then reel
Then hurt and release
Lay the blame squarely on me

You take me for a fool
A gullible idiot!
Who'll swallow your lies
And buy your story each time

I am not part of your life anymore
but  I need to get on with mine
So be sure to burn the bridges
Cause I am not turning back anytime.

You will always do what it takes
To hold my heart ransom
Cause that's such a causal approach
It doesn't take much to strategize

I struggled each day and night
To swallow my pain and get on
But depression sunk its deadly hooks
My flesh was skinned and bare
My groaning heard none
Cause outwardly I appeared just fine.

But you conveniently forgot what u had done
And walked back without a care
For a doormat you take me
So can you step on my despair

You think I am waiting around
For you to do the same things again
Forgive you, for your wrongs and
get back from where we left?

Change your thinking!
Cause that's never gonna happen
I have forgiven, but forgotten not
I cannot forget or let go
For your lessons are deeply entrenched
And well learn't
One that has a lasting impression
My mind wont let it go.

Subconsciously I know your capacity
to hurt me time and again
Cause you feed on my feelings
To supplement the ones you lack

Grow up, own up, about time u realized.
You can't play me and think its fine!

"I Love U" whispered the Moon  to the Sun. A forlorn look crept into her eyes. "I've always been in love with you", she whispered in a hoarse voice, choking on the oceans of love which welled up in her eyes.  A whisper barely audible and poignant.  She looked at the Sun, knowing fully well that she cud never stand in the brilliance of his love. Knowing that as the day separated the night their love could never unite. Yet she pined for him, with undying love.

She revolved around the earth, but her heart had only eyes for him. Of all the planets she had to fall in love with him.  A tiny spec, unnoticed in the galaxy.

Eclipses were short lived phenomena occurring few and far in between, rare and once in a year maybe.

But she waited for the day, when she would bask in his glory and be the cynosure of his eyes alone. She waited patience personified, knowing it was sheer madness to love the Sun.  Dazzling, hot and magnificent that he was, the universe revolved around him. He didn't even know she existed. Except for that one special day, when his eyes would notice her momentarily.

So she dressed up as pretty as she cud hoping his wayward heart would see, that it was her love which adorned her.  Just the thought of seeing him upfront would bring a twinkle in her eyes.

She waited with baited breath for that fleeting moment, shorter than a quarter of a hour. A quarter of an hour in the 8760 hours he spent outside of her world. While she waited, hopelessly endlessly, pining for the his love.

Then mockingly he came to her at last. At that designated time, teasing her about how naive she was. "Show me" she blurted with baited breath, her heart racing the universe in those fleeting moments. So he gathered her in his huge embrace and pressed his wild heart close to her breast. And in that embrace the earth was eclipsed in their union.

She could feel his wild heart through the layers of the physical distance which still separated them and she closed her eyes to his scent, the scent of the universe, that brought waves of nostalgia. She longed for more, and hugged him back. Aching to tell him how much she loved him and wanted this moment to last.  She wondered what it would be like to taste him.  She wanted his brilliance to permeate every fiber of her being.  But, she realized she was playing with the Sun.  His fire would consume her, if she flew too close to him.

He seemed unruffled, as she quivered at his touch, his scent, so full of him and so dizzy with that euphoria. Did time stop? Would the universe allow a few seconds of oblivion?

But then the world was in an eclipse. He had to leave.  So softly he whispered in her ear, "I have to leave". Reluctantly she let go, feeling the extricated from the universe, as if separating from him, meant death, fearing that perhaps this may be the last time she would see Him.

For as the world waited with expectation for an eclipse to occur and counted days when their union would be so spectacular, it also longed for normalcy.  Something wasn't right when the Moon embraced the Sun. A tiny creature smaller than the earth, she shouldn't dare hold him, they said.

She for once knew what it was to keep wandering in eternity, with so much love held in her ***** with the only hope that an eclipse would occur some day and that her yearning for the Sun would never ever fade or dwindle, in this lifetime or the next. A tsunami of a sob escaped her lips, oceans in turmoil. The door had closed on her universe, she was in a darkness. She could feel his warmth even then, but it began to grow cold. A panic started to form as she struggled to retain control.

He however, was far away unknown to her misery.  He on the other hand, belonged to the universe, no one could hold him back. Self-made, disciplined, his was a journey few would understand.

She did, she perfectly did understand. Only, she didn't expect anything from him, except few words of reciprocation. Few words, that he loved her just the same way, that she meant something to him. That his heart beat the same way for her.  She also knew that this experience meant nothing to the Sun, he would move on as he always did. He had a status to keep and the universe was watching.

But alas, he was The Sun, would he tell a tiny insignificant creature like her anything at all?

The Sun left her abode, he shrugged off the experience, and got back on his journey. While far away those watching the Sun, began to notice that a few spots had appeared on the Sun.  A memory of where he had embraced the Moon, had left a black hole on his heart.

Dedicated to the one and only man my heart loves

The emptiness has come back to haunt me
I can sense it nearing me
Catching up with me
I know what it did to me last time

Lord I run to you this time
And I ask you to hold me in your fold
Shelter me from this vicious grip
The feeling of being wanted
The need so deep within

Those cruel words now haunt me
Hurtful, sharp words that cut my soul
I never forget how alone I felt
Faltering and tripping in my own lost world
Angry and defensive and clawing around
Wanting to stop the agony and pain

Funny how people judge you
Funny how you need to wear a mask to look normal
Funny how you need to pretend at all times
When inside you are breaking down.

This time I’ll fight back
Cause I know your game
You can’t play me twice
and think it’s a simple game.

I know your tricks
I know your trade
I know you weapons
I know your gaze!

I am wearing my armour now
Armour of peace and calm
Ruffle me with your storm
Toss me around your charm

It’s not going to work
You might as well accept
Your words will not have any effect
Cause I don’t subscribe
To your measurement of me!
For inwardly you see
I am in love with me!

There is no Elixir for the wounds you inflict
Even if there was
You would have dried up its source long ago

------------------------------------------------------------­---

When depression raises it ugly head
Often its simple cause lies in
The second hand treatment meted
by someone you care.

----------------------------------------------------------­----

Find pleasures in small things in life
In activities that satisfy you
You don't have to be a know it all!

-----------------------------------------------------------­---

Sometime you forge ahead saying every thing will be fine
Then you look back for support
And there's none.

----------------------------------------------------------­----

Do what you wanna do, who cares actually.

--------------------------------------------------------------
­
It is the pain of this mad ache
Which dulls my senses
Highly inebriated, going back for more.*

---------------------------------------------------------­-----

If this title attracted your attention
As it surely should
The devil is real my friend
Rest assured it's true.

Folks I am not fibbing
The master of lies has a great disguise.
Like the Saviour he is watching you too.
But unlike the Master, your fears are his haven.
He's lying in quiet wait to trip you.

If you think I am fibbing, let me explain.
His existence is in the mind of the aimless.
He makes his home in the hopeless.
The young ones he infects with discontent
His hatred he sows deep.
This till the children of God become his sheep.

Then beguiling he'll lead them to slaughter.
Broken hearts, bitterness to plunder.
The emptiness a yawning gap.
You can't save yourself,
He'll push you to give up.
Then he'll put words of despair in the mouths of loved ones.
Break your resolve if you so much as dare.
He'll thrive on wickedness, and turn your love into despair.
All around you, you'll see hopelessness.
This minions perfecting the part.
Only the Son of God (Jesus), can break this act.

When you feel love tugging at your heart
And reach out to those hurting.
When u bury the hatchet
And choose forgiveness.
When you rise above the pettiness
Your pride destroyed
When you see in persons God's image
Trust me, you've the fetters blown away

Oh, he won't let you go easily
Your too much a prized possession
The one he'll ensnare,
The one he'll dangle, before His throne
Then the Son of God, His Christ, his body tearing, will offer himself in exchange
A bargain with his blood
Before your life can drain.

Look out Oh children of One God
The devil knows no religion
He exists it's true
Simply look around you.
The wars and guns are his legacy
Products of his insanity.
The mindless massacre of innocents
Unleashed through times immemorial
****** earth covered cries for vengeance.

Mind you, you can only be so much as used.
As you allow yourself to be.
The traps are set in every corner
It's not going to be easy.

Often you'll be goaded by those closest to you.
Offering you solace in things that should not be.
Drugs and gangs
Violence and rave
Ecstasy and addiction
Cool fads and attractions
Wanting things you'd
be better off

But it doesn't stop there
Fear is a potent weapon
He'll use it everywhere.
He'll bombard you from every corner
Till you doubt your sanity
Then willingly you'll walk into his parlour
Handing over your serenity

You'll never know what's evil.
Cause he make you believe he doesn't exist.
But my friend all long
You were flirting with the devil..

It's over!
Its behind me
I've let it go
The pain that held me ransom in its throes

No longer hurting,
No longer killer
My life is much more complete and fuller

I've learnt my lessons, my time beckons
A chance to live now freely
A time to discover

You may laugh
you may scorn
but it true mate
He died for you
He died for me

Because our burden was so great
And its price could not be paid
Then He stepped in a tipped the scales

The Son of Man took your burden
So you could be free
To live your life accordingly

His love penetrates the hardest hearts
And makes lovers of hardened sinners
His gentle touch will bring you to your knees
When you surrender to his mystery.

His love forget not
His sacrifice so great
Oh son of humanity
Forget not your redeemer
Open wide your heart to claim
Speak loud and His Love proclaim!
His passion and love speaks a story
Never can one forget such a history!

Can you forgive me dear friend?
Can you forgive me the hurt, I caused?
Can you find it in your heart, dear friend,
that compassion, I know I do not deserve!

I’ve been reckless with my choice of words
Took you for granted with what I said.
How cruel I’ve been, I now realize
and careless to think you’d not be offend.

How how I wish, I could take back
How I wish, I could eat my words
When I ponder on those words I said
and the deeds that sowed the seed.

I’ve shed remorseful tears,
and long to know your forgiveness
What I said was not correct
But now past the time it is.
For sorrow now engulfs my heart!

To think I put you through this pain
I was careless, reckless and unabashed
Putting myself before your needs
I promised to be a true friend.
But could not get further than this.

I deserve your silence,
I deserve your ridicule
I deserve that you ignore.
For had I been in the same place,
I know that’s what I’d do for sure.

I am not asking that you take me back
I am not asking that you make amends
Just the words would suffice
To make me feel, that I am right again.

Your forgiveness would be the healing touch
My soul longs for so desperately!
For this would be setting me free
Knowing what I did to upset you..
This is the least of all things..

I shall forever remember this fate
that sealed my destiny..
Maybe our paths never cross again and so my plea..
The only prayer that’d escape my lips and a sigh to God above
Is to bless you and keep you dear friend,
Sheltered in His love!

Getting my thoughts together
I wonder what it takes
To bring together all the emotions that flood inside of me
That can barely scratch the surface.

When I see people able to pen their thoughts
I struggle to understand, how they can
Cause for me, words are puny translators
for they cannot even fathom, the burst of what I feel inside

Even though I close my eyes and try to remember
What I was going to write, Words clearly fail me
and I drift on to distant shores

It seems just like yesterday when you held my hand
And my eyes beheld your love so clearly
Deeply embedded within my heart
I could feel your tangibility though physically miles apart.

I struggle with words and this is something new
Cause I never felt a loss of words before
For something that I always knew.

Knowing you is still not sufficient,
cause I feel so much I need to know
It is funny how I know you inwardly
though externally, there none to show.

You may speak your words of pretense
And set up a strong defense
But I know you truly and what you are longing for

You want a word of comfort
You desire a moment of joy
You desire to find a friend
Who would comfort you day and night

You need someone to supplement
The burst of emotions you feel
You are so trapped because
you don't know how to heal.

Come walk into my arms
Cause I am waiting for you
Gather you tenderly and shelter you anew.

But you see, this is exactly what I fear
Cause my words may not be that clear
And betray my sense of helplessness
For the choice of words I use!

"I am not a gifted faker like you"
I remember those words each time I see you

You said it so casually and forgot.
But never did it ever leave my heart!

To you it seemed like I could be 2 different persons
Inwardly I know how much courage it took me so.

Can I wear my heart on the sleeve for the world to see?
Is this what you want me to be, bare all for you?

Life is not been the same, since those days, I swear
I will not return to those memories of hurt again.

I fake it because, I need to make it through another day
You are here today, and somewhere else you'll be tomorrow

But I need to go on living and cannot stop for you.
You cannot take that away from me, my desire!

My dreams, my hopes, my ambitious are all I have
Paper boats and pipe dreams you may call it
But it is still my very own, my identity and a part of me

You on the other hand, outsider, stood by and smiled on
Never took the courage to dig deeper.
Shallow it may be for you
Afraid the road was steeper
A mess you never wanted to deal with
A part you never wanted to play.

Hence, I moved on, put a bright face and cheered on
Stronger you made me by your test
Till I could stand apart
from my feelings and look at it like the rest
I am fool to take you so seriously
You were having fun at my expense
Hence now, I can fake it and make believe
I can see it affects you now,
Why is it not the old me?

He broke his silence for her
He broke the rules he never should
Said what he felt like he did
He engaged with a fence sitter
Not knowing he was throwing
his heart under her feet

His eyes were blazing
His soul searing
His risk was great
His reputation at stake

Did he love her?
Should he say that he did?
Would she respond
Would she understand?

Oh she did understand!
Oh she did want it just they same!
Only her freedom was not hers to claim!

She loved him the only way she could
His happiness his dreams where precious to her
She was the distraction he could not afford
No one was going to be happy with this arrangement she understood

Sometimes it is so easy to loose yourself
in the moment and forget about the rest
But then the moment comes back to haunt
It should never have been!
Those words spoken those feelings rent
The soul laid bare and naked, exposed

Then she ran away, as fast as she could
For she saw in him her reality
A mirror of herself
He loved her as she loved him
What next, what next?

Will he forgive her
Why should he?
Why should he?
She broke his rules.

Each day when I think of the way you hurt me
when my heart wrenches in pain.
I think of what I did to deserve this
When u know that there was no other way.

I don’t know why u can hold my heart ransom
Crush it with unkind gesture of yours
When I loved you so truly and madly and
didn’t think even once of the loss

U see it is I who stand to loose from what you’ve done
Cause for me there can be no one
not after what you have done
The doors of my heart have closed forever
Never will these open again for anyone.

For you this was just an attempt to see if your charm worked
For me this was a soul shaker, the one that changed me forever.

I resisted every attempt of yours
For your eyes scorched me day and night
Still I bore down your charm
and stood my ground alright.

Our chemistry was in the air you see
We could never hide it from prying eyes
Any blind man could have told
they way we looked into each others eyes.

I fought and resisted you for long
And thought I was strong
Till that fateful day when
I decided I would have it my way

But fate would wish another way
For the day I decide to part
That was the very day I lost my heart.

Your fun and jokes and childish pranks
Your endless teasing had me in splits
You knew very well that
it was beginning to grow in you as well.
A strange feeling of falling head over heels.

We were one and we did not need those words
Until you started expecting me to cross my limits
Limits I had set long ago, and you knew
I would never never cross them for anyone.

What did you want me to say, say that I love you
I already did it a million times
Didn’t my eyes say it all.
You knew you felt it too.
But now, I don’t know what’s wrong with you.

I am done with the deciphering
I am done with your cold ways
I am done with your pushing me around
I am never going to stay that way

For all that could have been done is done and over
My Lord, my energy’s drained and u have run me over.

I wept and cried and wondered why I deserved this fate.
You see miscommunication is to blame that closed the gate

For I cannot reconcile the same heart that rent sweet words
were tossing me out cold and dry.

I could not let u go for you were the sweetest thing my eyes beheld,
and I did love u truly, but you’ll never understand.

Its over now..what a mess!
The only prayer that escapes my lips

May our paths never cross again!
For I cannot afford loose my heart again.

I met a teeny bop
When I looked at him
his eyes went plop.
I am in love with you  he said
Haha I laughed "that's so sweet"
I ruffled his hair.
No I mean it he said.
I paused and smiled
Seriously, how old r you?

I am just a lad to you maybe
But your love will change me
I want to shower on u my love
Be a man for you no other can.

I froze, I have nothing to give, I said
I am running on empty.
I shied.
He pleaded, you only need but  try
Just once, open your heart to mine.

Then he took my love 
And fled.....

If love you I must,  then I need to do it freely
For loving you is freeing my soul
without control and fear
for what could be more beautiful than this feeling
that makes me cry and laugh, at the same time
so intense two feelings so deep within my heart
I cannot gauge, I cannot fathom
how strongly I feel, when love overcomes the imperfect
and all I can see is the beauty of the person besides me
for what eyes cannot see, nor senses feel
the connection of souls at a level that’s ethereal
You will never know this burning
You will never know this ache
How I long to tell you, but words fail
Is there anything that can translate feelings
in words so imperfect, that seem meager at best
to express what I burst of love I feel
when our souls interact.

Is God around us
Is he external
Can he feel for me when he is outside of me?
That answers it.
No He is not around us?
No He is not an outsider
He is within us.
Deep inside us
One with us.

Because when we close our eyes
And shut out the world
When we shut out the din
And hear that inner voice
It is HIM
It is home coming.

I once had a heart
A loving heart
A trifle too gentle
A tad too soft

I once had a heart
A heart that shared
A heart that cared
A heart that listened
Silent cry that wud 
have gone unnoticed
I had I not known otherwise

I once had a heart
Your joys and griefs
So part of me
Your pain I bore
My heart it tore

I once had a heart
A heart that beat
With a fiery fervor
Living your dreams
Was like elixir

I once had a heart
A heart that sang
With a childlike freedom
Unknown to burdened minds

I once had a heart
A heart u twisted
And cut into 2
But unfortunately,
It was not just u

The world stepped on it
Taken for a doormat
Simple dreams
Unpretentious self
No holds barred
I wore on my sleeve 
For all to see

Burnt to a cinder
Ashes  is all that's left 
The pieces of my heart
Now lie at the bottom of an ocean
Or floating on foreign shores
Swept away by the morning tide

I ditched it for a new ride
A heart stepped on by all
So I ditched it to stop the pain
Stop the hurt all over again

I found myself a new companion
Superfluous is my new friend
Sorry come again
I won't be hurt by cruel words
Insults will never cause a dent
And no more will I bend

But darling don't u worry
I don't need your money
Cause when all that's gone
And u need a little loving
When the night is cold
I'll smile and say.
Sorry "love" is an old forgotten way

My new friend is Superfluous
And he didn't need my heart
So you see now I am heartless!
I have forgotten to Love.

When times are tough and things go blue.
Think of others worrying too
Just because your problems are many don't think others haven't any**

I remember these lines when I was a child.
Never understood the meaning behind others smiles.
I'd complain and grumble to all and sundry
How life's burdens made me weary
Till I paused for a while to take the time to realise.
The problems I encounter are mine alone
People's cups are overflowing
Why make a bone
Everyone's so wrapped up in their strife
Life's so deary, faded are the smiles
To each one his own, the selfish style
The world's gone crazy toppled lives.

Till one day I heard the wise words once again.
Evil has a way to storm you
Till your endurance breaks
Sunk in despair and in pain
The light will slowly begin to fade

You'll long for someone to rescue you
But help is not any where in sight
People are so wrapped up in their strife
It takes a mighty move to turn the tide.

So I'll make a start with me.
Maybe some day somebody will follow
Right now it is hard to see.
I'll give myself a reason to smile
Those wise words will remind
To bury my pain behind my smiles
To reach out to those in pain
An insight in their world to gain

Having said that, things will never be easy
Evil will always try to place hurdles
To make my path greasy
Armed with my Saviour's Love
I shall remember
IT ALL STARTS WITH ME.

HAVE WONDERFUL DAY

You are silent and so am I
You think you've been let down
And so do I

The truth however is
We both scared to risk it all
We both don't know what's to become
If we just let go of our bubble and
Float back to the ground!

The beauty of truth is that one day, it shall reveal itself.  
Try as you may want to hide it.
Lies never got you anywhere.

It is understandable to lie to protect yourself
But it is terrible to influence others with your lies
The lives you've ruined, cause your understanding was skewed

But, as I said, the truth shall reveal itself
That day shall decide, whose side you are on
So you better hide, lies make a poor sheath.

I shall seal my lips
Never open to utter
For I wonder
What is better
to speak your heart out
and be construed a fool
or to store it in
and be considered a sage

I woke up this morning
Thinking I’ll put u away from my thoughts
Think of brighter things
And work my way out

I tried to escape thinking about you
And bang! your picture flashed into my mind
All I could see was your smiling eyes
Teasing me asking me “How was I?”

How can I be?  How should I be?
Now that you’ve invaded my soul
My tears have gone dry
and there is no more of me left to cry

I thought I was strong
I thought I could stand my ground
But your smile made small of my defenses
Broke down the walls of my pretenses

You wanted me to lower my guard
Bare my heart and connect with your soul
I did and see now what’s left
Not a shred of hope you've bestowed

Ran away like the first flight
My word scared you out of your mind
You turned and blamed me for your plight
Said I was weird and irrational at worst
When all that was happening was making me loose control

I did not want to tell you how I felt
Knew you’d never understand
You’d not expect me to feel like this
Kept getting defensive and more
Up to a point I could take no more

Your words kept raining down a storm
Swirling and tossing me on a high shores.
Drowning me in my ocean of tears
Then I decided to stop
Refuse to let you hold my heart ransom anymore

I surrender to what you want to think of me
I am just a game you wanted to play
You win, I lose! that’s how it was meant to be.

I cannot change anything
I cannot want you back
But keeping you sheltered and locked in my heart
Is the only place where you cannot depart!

Love me for who I am
Love me for who I can be
Love me for what your 
love can make me.

Love me not for who I was
For the past is gone
Regaled to the memories of yesterday.

But love me for tomorrow
The promise of which is your love.
For love alone can make me
Elevate me with your loving

Rain on me, dry as a bone
Starved of comfort
Eyes set on the road ahead
Fading soul calls out
Any hope is a straw to hang on to
For the hopeless a mirage
To survive and sustain
Long before the shadows dim

Parched soul, fill the ache
Return with your love
Magnificent and transcendent
The desert blooms
An oasis in the midst of misery

Life is what you make of it
And I want to make mine scenic
Paint the hues of love
Amethyst and Amber
Garnet and topaz
Like the rising dawn
The beauty of which brings hope
On the horizon of my yearning soul.

If only we could understand ourselves, the world around would make much  sense.
It all begins with me.

Mesmerizing eyes anchor me to your soul
I loose myself in those translucent depths
I wonder if your lips were made for me
I wonder if your heart beats for me

When gently on your chest I lay my hand
I hear your heartbeat restrained
Thumping loudly, visibly tensed
Sensing if I'll ever guess

Strangers to unbeknown eyes
Your gaze I've held
How I would want to pretend
But you've deeply affected my rest

Words form freely, in the minds unrest
Silence seals my lips before my story unfolds
Scarcely breathing, surviving, the truth untold
Stranger I am to my own world

I don't want to be a stranger to this feeling
I don't want to be just a keeling
Never want to let you go, hold you to myself.
Bury myself in the depth of your vortex

You'll never understand
The reason of my restraint
Undelivered words and messages unsent
Hiding visibly in broad daylight
When your sweet voice I want to hear daily

The antithesis of my story is laughable
The dissonance of my utterances and intent
Perplexed and fraught between
To be or not to be
My struggle, my dichotomy
Paradoxical my situation
Fake my appearances seem
Inside I am dying my love
Dying for a simple truth from you!

I could tell you if I could muster the courage
How your words cut me deep
If a weapon more sharper than a tongue could be forged
Metals weapons could cease to exist!

For what cuts a human down
Is not the might of the steel
More fragile than your resolve
Is the balance of your will

When you decide to let the negatives lie by the wayside
A causal uncaring word seems to seep inside
Then like a venom its spreads out
To snap and **** your life and drain
Till your battling your mind
And scream you'll go insane

Your resolve has lost its test
Because the venom has killed the will.
Struck at the roots the evil knows its strength
Your heart is an unsuspecting victim
Your mind a playground vast and bare
Start from the heart where emotions stems
And spread to the mind and ****

The battles lost dear friend
At least momentarily
Dark clouds gather fog the space
A silver lining is hard to see

Chill out, wait out, hold on, stay low
No other weapon works against it
Perseverance is the only antidote
Let the storm abate, lower yourself
Hide yourself, gather yourself
NEVER did it last long
YOU (on the other hand) always will!

There is a new world out there
For people like u and me
A world where we won't be measured by fickle standards u see

A world where "love" means
Embracing the person whole heartedly
Where different abilities and minds
Melt and mould and become one

Where caring takes a new dimension
Where hope is forever new
Where the sun shines brightly each day
And brings promises anew

Where fighting the world does not drain you out
And you can say what u feel without wondering how u'll be judged

Where u can be childlike in your innocence
And maintain the purity of your emotions.
Where u don't need to twist yourself to fit someone's frame.

And where u can worship the Lord again
Where u can stand tall and proclaim
His love for all to see
And you know you'll be backed by HIM

Where u can trust ur fellow men blindly
Cause the one who sees
Knows your heart and feels
The truth of your words
Where externals fade before his gaze
Where liars need to fear his face.

Such a world beckons
So I say
Do not give up your loving
Do not give up on your friend
Do not try to fit in someone else's mind
Be yourself, your purest self
For that's what u were deigned to be
For If that's not what the Lord intended
Then his saving grace you'll see

Don't break my heart and walk away
Then come back and expect me to welcome you back

Don't think that my heart is your stool (seat)
You can sit on and relax and watch me make a fool (of myself)

You may have run out of your supply and need a naive like me
But don't expect that fools will not grow wise one day
Your behavior's so predictable,  stone blinds shall stare

Sometimes I want to shut that drumming sound in my head
The pounding of bothering with everyone's problems
How easy it is to project your torment on others
But how difficult to hide it within and persevere

Like a loose cannon it shoots from your lips
Not concerned where it lands
In someone's bed or someone's hand
It blasts in their face and leave them anxious
Your worries have left your cushion
They've have now bedded in my mind's prison

I feel so ***** and robbed of my peace
Your problems you've cast on to me

Though I'd like to help
I've realized now it's getting a bit
It's become a habit for you
To send crytic clues in your worries
And wringing your hands in desperation

So for now I'll pretend my cup's full too
My mind's occupied and I need my space
I can't jump in for your every whim
Give my life to run around your din.

Then you'll get angry for not helping you
You label me as terrible and bad mouth me
But seriously I care a flying rat's ***
Your problems are your making
Your mind is a cesspool of worries
It's never going to end
Till on your internal reserves you learn to depend

I want to share with you a part of my heart
That part which is secretly longing to be by your side

I feel like a love struck kid
Giddy headed and light
Cause I am seeing stars in bright day light
And when u smile my world sparkles a thousand times

All I can do is look at you
Hear not the words that are coming through
I see your lips moving and forming words
But all I thinking of is those beautiful curves

I see you, but I am looking through
Of dreamy times, you and I'll be together soon
I cannot wait what time shall bring.
Distant futures seem too far
Right now..right now with you is where I want to be!

Why am I sad?
Why am I bad?
Why does depression
bite off my head

Every ponder to wonder
Some days are bright
Some days are dark
If its not cyclic and then
tell me what I lack.

I want to stop my enemy
Dead in his tracks
A foe so deadly
I could have lost my life
Why should I give up
On his altar of shame
Why am I victim of his
depressing game

So I thought I'd dig deeper
Play my enemy at his game
Get the tactical advantage
While the sun still shines
For sooner will it it set
Then he's made my mind.

When he's inside my head
I can't think
A simple, fun loving person
Runs to the shrink.
So get going when he's far off
I got the advantage now to stop.

So I got down to doing what I do best
Looking for information on the internet
From all what I've gathered
I thought I'd share
Friends it's not so easy, the world is bare!

It began with ruthless lifestyles
The throwing away of values
The desecration of sacraments held so pure
Families in ruin, children in shambles
Sensitive young minds, had no supply
But to seek out love or run on empty

You see I've dug and found gold
But it's not a gold I'd like to behold
For in it I see a mirror of the world's ills
Fallen on young and innocent wills

I'd could go on and it'd never be over
But the crux of the matter is what needs to be told
My friend, the world's running on empty
Each one needs to find his/her worth
But there's nothing left in society
That'll made you feel worthy

This vicious cycle needs to be broken
The Master of lies, is seeking his victims deep
His hatred planted in broken minds
His sword has struck steep.
His rage bellowing, that know no bounds
Cut and destroy before his victim can flound

It runs from generations to generations
And is labelled hereditary
But friends, hatred beget hatred
There's no rocket science in it to detect
The genius liar, spurious angel of light
Knows, what it takes to make men fall.

If ever by chance, his victims learn to love or forgive
His vicious cycle will be broken and the cage set free
Then all his victims with love will see.
That the world is beautiful,
when each one loves thee.

Give away of yourself free,
learn to heal and forgive
And change your destiny.
Stop the growelling on empty,
pick up the mantle of care
Adorn it your best and accept your test

Say to yourself, what's happened is in the past.
I forgive and choose to live,
cause I cannot change what's lost.
Stop the hurting and make your peace.
Stop the enemy in his tracks.
He's never given you worth
All his tricks and ploy,
All the lies and games
will only succeed in bring you shame.
Look not for worth in un-fulfilling things
The empty promises are not his to keep.
Look inside your heart where the well of love overflows
Open it wider, let it glow and grow.
So full and majestic and reaching high
Till it sweeps us all in it's tide.

So the lesson is out there for you and me
*Love one another and I've Loved you..