I'm going to cut your supply I'm going to starve that destructive fire from oxygen The one which burns within you That desire to hurt I'm going to sweep your breadcrumbs from my doorstep Take back your sullen energy You who delight in sowing destruction Look into the mirror of your empty eyes and see what's inside your toxic well Your jealous empty heart contains nothing but deceit and destruction Your blatant lack of empathy has unveiled your deepest secret You have showed the world exactly who you are ... and finally we believe you No more alibis for you And once a serpent's head has been cut off It will rage out of control ... but only for so long Before it is no more Like one who has been struck with madness Like an addict without a drug I am no longer your supply I will save my empathy for those who deserve it And I forgive myself for unknowingly enabling you by buying into your games But most of all ... I'll be good to myself
my mother is like the queen she is the queen of everything but in the sense that all that matters is reputation and i am merely a means to an end.
i am the pawn on the chessboard and she likes to play with her pawns carved out hollow, brittle shells on the edge of breaking. she likes the power of holding a fragile heart in her hands to nurture and then destroy as she sees fit for her own entertainment.
is it still my fault i turned out the way i am?
the ground shook when the crown was placed upon her head, for surely even earth began counting down the time until its destruction.
I'm spending my youth terribly apparently Listen, I don't know I'm young and very dumb Unsurprisingly, to those I'm friendly I break boundaries, burn bridges, split valleys It's inside of me Sometimes, I think It's going to be the end of me Forgiveness is hard I get it I guess you have right to be on guard Given my recent record, I scar I don't know what I want It shows Forget I existed I'm no one you need know
the fork in your tongue is old not young forged in venom and not by sun not of this plain pleasured by pain pleasured by blood caused by your stain you slither and slide seethe and hide propped up by your maker's nonsensical pride hatred injected by you in our sons following her footsteps of all that's become your cancer will **** you it's certain it's true your demise is cemented by the evil in you have you asked for forgiveness no, never not once I hope in your end you face God’s vengeful punch
Dishes piled high, but higher still is the laundry that sits just where it will I cannot fathom the thought of leaving my bed I cannot fathom moving until I am dead “She’s crazy” he says to my children each day She could if she wants … Will her depression away “*******!!!!” I scream inside the top of my head Wishing and hoping he would finally drop dead His cancer has taken over all our lives His “excuse to excuse” the abuse he would hide You can hide it no longer It’s not in my head You want to label me crazy and have me strapped to a bed It’s not me he argues to all who will hear It’s not me, “she’s crazy” Yet he beats me still Your pills are not working Your therapy is moot Check yourself into Cuckoo Land Try and stay in the loop I’ll strip all of you down Crazy piece after piece Until you have nothing Left to cry on your knees “I’m not crazy!!!”, I scream But you won’t go away You’re put here to torture me to the end of my days Your cancer is slow and my heart cannot beat I’d rather be dead then to become your repeat Ours sons sound like you Their words trigger me too I can’t will them away Like I still will away you You demon You dark one You false ******* Jew Place that gun in my hand Then walk away too The gun is so heavy So cold Yet so light The chamber at my face Eyes closed with deep spite Your triggers are what I’ve lived with so long Triggering the most hurtful emotions The most painful of wrongs Is this cold steel finally the last I must endure? As it fits my finger perfectly, Yes ... I am finally sure
Try harder, so I do Still reaching for the fix My mind cannot bear another year of six It’s in his hands so what will I do He yells and yells louder ... I’m waiting I’m waiting I’m waiting on you Fix this and do that Can you ever just, STOP! Hours, minutes, seconds on your clock The label of duty of a wife on Shabbat Your intent was evil and always with plot Spread your legs! Shut your mouth! Let my birthright inside you Alone in my mind But I had to abide you I cried ‘till you finished Left burned and diminished Curled up Dead inside with nothing left to give Yet, you demanded more if I wanted to live These unspoken vows How could I have known I wasn’t a Jew How could I be ****** You are nothing without me I will take as I please Your screams are useless as I enter with ease My distain was certain and I fought to withhold I could not bear your touch and prayed to die cold Your punishment loomed always You made me guess “when” I hid in our closets pulling my soul further in You were never worthy to be at my feet You serve as my slave and you are now mine to keep As I grew out my armor I hoped it could repel Your disgusting hands You inadequate male For your spirit was cold It was mean It was old You were born self-entitled Adorned self-proclaimed gold Even cancer can’t change you Not even a bit Still abusive as ever Still living to spit Your host is so evil The most rotten apple from her tree I wish her the deepest of pains for creating the abuser you'd be The sounds of her mouth All the stink of her too Inappropriate Loud A pick-and-choose Jew You’re chosen you say So, what, you don’t need to abide By the laws of, The Book Alas, The Book, has two sides You choose what you want and ignore all the rest Your go to MO You've both mastered it best Still dutifully married Our life torn apart wide Clenching me tightly Prancing around with your pride But as I grow older, I begin to whither and fade I still deal with my devil to whom I’m enslaved When will he go? I’ve asked and begged why I’ll ask for forgiveness when I can no longer cry Now finally, I stand over you Lifeless and cold Your soul still infested with hatred and mold My last mitzvah of dirt I’ll gladly shovel with ease To finally breath that longed moment of peace Peace from your self-hatred Jealous of me ever more I sigh the deepest breath as dirt covers your door Cry one last time … Impossible I have no more tears You stole them from me when you ***** me for years