If only you would know, what I feel
how much I try not to.
Can u stop a river flowing
Or rein in the wind

Somethings just happen and it has happened to me
But I won’t even voice my deepest fears
so as not to face the reality that’s biting me

How I struggle and despair at the bonds that bind me
mentally and emotionally wrecked
Not knowing where to turn and how to handle
the grip it has on me worse than a vise

No freedom I feel and I want to break free
Twisting and turning and shifting between
two different shadows of fears

Whom can I call on to whom can I turn
I don't want it and I don't want to face it
Run is what my heart says, but cold are my feet
dead in its tracks and yet weightless

A curse!  A purge! What is it? I want to know!
Cannot fathom this searing tearing me part
Cold alone and empty, wishing I never could feel
Wanting to shut the drumming inside my head
and the pounding within my heart

Memories flash by me, strike me dead
loosing control and balance and falling
and upsetting the fine line I am walking.

Dreaming with eyes open, though
mindless voices shout around me
I see your face clearly, like you are right besides me
then I blank out, cross out, tell myself you fool
you are not a part of his life, he will never know….