Regular people
Don’t feel this way in their minds.
They must be so bored.

i have seen the stars
through your eyes
you showed them to me, and it was something new.

i don't know what was more beautiful;

the night sky

or seeing it from your point of view

Look... at these... spaces... between... my...
... ... ... words... ... ...
This is how my brain sounds.
...
...
...

there was a time
when this feeling was unknown.
there was a time when someone felt
what i am feeling now
for the first time.
i wonder if they made it out alive.
i wonder if i will.

the things other people say
can no longer cause me
to fade away
no;
the voices inside
of my head
are killing me instead

I didn't see the sunset that night.
That's what saved my life - a missed sunset.
Since then
I have craved the way
The sky lights on fire
Every single afternoon.

I have craved
The light and the colors.
My soul has wanted to feel
The way the light feels
As it dances
On the corners of the clouds.
I want that kind of joy.

So I set myself on fire.
I create those colors inside my mind.
My thoughts dance
On the edge of my body
Like the light in the clouds.

I
Feel
Alive

STOP*

you're making things worse.
you act like you know what's happening in me.
you will never, *ever be inside my mind.
nobody knows what's best for me.
i don't even know what's best for me.
so stop acting like you are what's best for me.

i'm learning to take moments
to pause and observe.
to truly live in the moment
and see the beauty around me.
to memorize the way my friends frown
and smile.
to love humans for everything we are.
when you love others with your whole heart
you begin to love yourself.

My head spun and
I couldn't see the
lines between
a potential problem or
dread.
I swore
I could plow on.
And suddenly,
there was a quiet moment
and it would make me realize that
the worst thing that can happen
can happen.

i was alone in the dark.
unknown surroundings...
a tree? creek bed?
it came surging in, with screams tugging on my mind
and it took me over,
not trapping- but entrancing me.

something...... beautiful?
about losing control. about being... entranced.

how can i possibly be standing
when everything
around me
is falling?

how can i possibly be falling
when everything
around me
is standing?

i've lost the ability
to determine
whether i'm standing
on solid ground

or falling straight down

you told me of
your pain and i told
you all about mine.
we held each
other's hearts and
boldly proclaimed
to love one another.
you loved me
through my flaws
and i loved you
through yours.
but when it came
down to it; you left.
and my heart was split
into a million pieces.
i may never understand why you shattered me
like a glass bottle in an empty alley, or how you got
that power to begin with, but i will not let it ruin me.
i'm going to have to live my life and try to trust again.
i won't let this keep me from finding another soul
that will be able to walk to the same rhythm as mine.
i can pick my pieces up and put them together again.
i have spent my whole life falling and getting back up,
so that's what i will have to do again. i can live through
the side glances and small smiles and avoiding eye contact.
i can live through the 'how are you?'s that end with answers
neither of us believe. i can live with the anxiety attacks that
i get before i see you places. i can live without you.
so i am left
with only one question.
and i know this question
has been asked to you before
because you told me
of the other people you broke.
and i know how it haunts you,
but i deserve an answer.
if you loved me...
why did you leave me?

home is not a place-
not for me.
it's the smell of a carpet
that's had lots of owners.
it's the fluorescent lights crackling.
it's the laughter and shushing
it's the handstands for fun
the flashing street lights
the midnight drives
the 2pm breakfast
and the 12am dinner.
the open sunroof and blasting music
the hair dye and playlists
home is not a place-
not for me.
it's a feeling.

The sun can be perceived in two different ways.
The sun can be seen as just yellow in the sky, or it can be seen as the thing that keeps me alive every day; the thing that warms my heart.
The thing that lights up my world.
And then there's you.
You can be seen as just another person, and to some ignorant people you may seem to be just an average person.
To me, however, you bring just as much light to my life as the sun.
You bring as much warmth to my heart and beauty to the world as the sun does.
You are the light in my life.
You are the center of my universe-- the sun in my life's journey.
My world would be as useless as a gun without bullets, an earth without a sun, a guitar without strings, or a book with no words without you in it.
You mean everything to me, and if I lose you, I might as well lose the sun too.

I realized I was about to die
When
I sank, way over the point
which I thought was rock bottom

That old classic wish
To never have been born
Didn't even cross my mind
Because I had finally realized

I was about to die

She sees a reflection
in a blank wall.
She feels a memory
through the touch of her toes
to the carpet.
A blank wall of nothing
is showing
a flurry of somethings.
For not even a wall can be blank.
Every nick to the surface,
every dried paint bubble,
every scar on the wall
tells a story.
That is why she sees
herself reflected
in the wall.
Because nothing is blank.
Everything that seems like nothing
is something.
Every person who seems blank
is filled
with life.

digging
a grave
wide and deep

soon

we jumped

I wish I could go back
To sitting in my bunk
Listening to girls talk about
All of life's junk

I wish I could sing
We are Standing on Holy Ground
Just to hear the shuffling
Of shoes all around

I want to look up at night
And not see only clouds
And city lights
But feel only joy and peace; no fright

I want to cry with girls
That I hardly know
And have them say they're there for me
After we all have to go

I wish I could have six days
without my phone
Because even though I'm disconnected
I feel the opposite of alone

I wish I could wake up
Before the crack of dawn
To listen to birds sing
While I hang my towel up and yawn

I want to be there
At eleven a.m.
Singing at the top of my lungs
And praising Him

I want to eat
Mashed potatoes made from a box
And never be able to tell time
For the extreme lack of clocks

I wish I could sleep by the river
And sweat at sports
And walk around at free time
Or go to the basketball courts

But I can't have this anywhere else
Except a little piece of land by the Medina
Where God is love and you oughta been there
A little heaven on earth: Camp Bandina