Where roses have withered,
In the wrath of broken hearts,
Where sunflowers don't seek for the sun,
but cast golden petals down,
Where secrets smiles are exchanged,
are the sullen faces of those who blamed,
Where laughter was found by the fire,
Is old shaking hands with burnt letters,
Where have all the romantics gone?

There are men that believe that they're made of gold,
then there are men that are golden,
whose light shines brighter than the sun,
the eyes promise you nothing but truth,
whose fingers trace every battle worn scar with nothing but awe.

You breathe words down my neck,
that there's no gold found on me,
that instead of gold my fingers leave dirt behind,
that my tangled hair reminds you of weeds in the garden,
that my legs are filled with bumps and scars,
that my stomach protrudes too far,
that my thighs are too robust,
that hair on my skin is only the devils invention.

The brown skin you press against,
is far from the vibrant soft metal of gold,
you'd remind me time and time again,
and I'm lucky that there's a fool looking for me.

In the heat of summer,
I thought I'd remember the sword forever,
amidst new memories will there linger,
the burn of a poker on my chest,
the rips in my skin,
blood racing down my thighs,
remnants of the steel that pierced my skin.

The brown leaves fall,
and the blood no longer leaves traces on skin,
the ghost of the sword is made of stainless steel,
nights filled with owls,
shadows in every room,
remnants of the steel that pierced my skin.

The cold winds grow,
no one to call, no one to hold,
the sword is sharp and cutting,
the storm weathers on,
rain on my windows,
remnants of the steel that pierced my skin.

The flowers begin to grow,
the smell is sweet, a tempting promise,
the sword is rusted,
the blood has been washed from my skin,
every warm memory fills my mind,
remnants of the steel that pierced my skin,
gone at last.

I've been breaking and breaking again and again,
carbon glass split into pieces,
I don't know where I begin or end,
my throat is clogged and choked,
panic flows with tears down my face,
I count down the hours,
body near the sickly,
no one will notice when every bit of glass is finally gone.

I told you how I felt,
then you hung up.

Your not feeling happy, but your smile turns genuine at the sight of him. Beauty in his laughter and smile. You know he's doing it for you so you echo it back for him. He needs some joy in midst pain. You want to be that joy.

But cracks surface and he takes it out on you. Lashes and lashes and lashes and gosd it hurts. Arguments hurt. Uncalled for words hurt. But the smile is fixed on your face. He doesn't want pain, he needs joy.

But he pushes you away, the same way you push away the ones you love to protect them from pain. He doesn't realise the pain intensifies when it's from him, or even though your powerless you want to take away that burden from his shoulders.

So you let it hit you, waves on waves, salt on open wounds waiting for the sting to cease.

Red flags.
My mind flashes another warning,
not the first of its kind and hopefully the last,
it's a little push, I scream, he loves me,
but it's in bright red, warning.

Clingy.
Funny how the past haunts you,
how your so dependent,
you know it, a story told more than once,
everyone has their limit, you've hit his.

Words.
You don't want to say anything,
your mind is working to rationalise it,
he see's the look on your face,
insists on knowing every thought that crosses.

Spoken.
Pain laces your voice but cloak it with a smile,
the past is meant to stay buried but the pain is fresh,
open wounds and salt thrown in,
Seeking reassurance but meeting anger.

Leave.
Resolution is far, you see it as clear as sky,
avoid conflicts, leave before more than a fight occurs,
you love him, but he takes the first step to go,
you can't move but the call is urgent to go away.

Ache.
Conflict rages in your heart,
you remember red flags and you see them,
he shifts in mood, constant fights,
but love is still present in yours.

I don't see the moon,
sky cloudless but no stars in sight,
mind emptied and hollowed,
too much on a plate that's too small,
disappointment written on loved ones.

"Oh she left me,
She left me for another,
didn't come back when I asked,
I was nothing but kind and understanding,
But she turned and left,
The nice guys lose, bad ones win,
Pity me, girls and boys,
I longed for love and lost,
Nevermind, I didn't even lift a finger,
Forget the way I treated her when she was mine,
Forget the lies, the games and everything that occured in time,
She left me."

Lips as warm as the heat in summer,
Fingers as gentle as a breeze,
Voice like a roar of the ocean,
The essence of a getaway,
Rolled into a human.

You lie tangled up in me,
a beautiful sight to see,
you hold me close,
don't let me go.

Two lives intertwined,
finally lying side by side,
battles fought and won,
just to lie tangled with you.

Kisses when we wake,
hot breath on skin,
sweat dripping down,
diluted eyes on mine.

We know where we lie,
arms, legs, hands intertwined,
we're all we need,
tangled together, the promise we breathe.

Your touch is warmth send from the above,
to a body that's cold and seven feet under the ground.

"Why are you the one crying when I'm the one hurting?"

I didn't know.

But I knew there was a stab in my heart and it hurts. It bleeds red and physical pain would ease the ache, because physical wounds can heal but these don't. Knowledge of breaking promises, of promising to keep you safe, to save you from more scars but effectively scaring you again.

I wanted to say it all, to hug you and hold you. I'm so sorry.

But I saw the look in your eyes. I saw the same look mirrored back to me from my parents when I was younger, when I used to cry.

Training saves you, it teaches you how to survive.

So I did.

So I closed up. I forced the tears to stop because you're sick of it. I'm weak. I'm frustrating. I'm emotional.

I've heard it all before.

You didn't want lies so I told you part of the truth.

"I don't know."

Like a loaded gun,
there's a smile on his lips,
waiting to be released,
and when it bursts,
it's infectious.

The more we talk about the past,
the more I realize we weren't an accident,
there were more hands at work,
when it came to bringing the two of us together,
and if the universe wanted us to be together,
there was no way we'd both be able to run from it.

Or well, there was no way you'd leave and never come back.

There's always been rocks along the path,
who was I to deny the company of another on the same road,
fate would pull them away when their fork came,
but I always wondered alone, once and twice, I'd met,
but they left,
or I would.

So I walked along the path, feet with blisters,
often thirsty and drinking from my can,
I find you looking so sure of yourself,
you've traveled longer than I have,
you came prepared.

We walked along together,
I was wary to let another one in,
I felt exhausted and beaten down,
the last traveler that walked with me was a lost cause,
pretending to be sure but never really,
but you weren't and you knew it.

The walls of rock which no one would bother to climb,
you climbed, making sure I saw it,
so I'd remember when the days became hard,
that you would climb again and again.

You built a fort together with me,
I no longer was lone in protecting myself,
you joined my fort with weapons so I'd no longer be defenseless,
the roads I've walked along for so long,
you saved me from the thorns on my path,
showing me the softer grass to walk on.

When the fork came,
we looked at each other,
by then, I couldn't live without you,
wandering the path again was not the same,
the only path I wanted to walk,
was the one you were going.

So when you took that fork,
I followed.

He reminds me of a wolf,
His feet are swift on ancient earth,
Arms carved from boulders that won't move,
Skin soft to the touch,
Eyes that burn with intelligence,
Lips that are soft, far from aggressive,
and a smile that is lathered with honest affection.

It's been so long since she had true affection,
she longed for it so hard,
she sought it in the arms of a friend,
who knew not what she felt,
destiny or fate,
she always thought he was a friend,
but perhaps she was wrong,
maybe she didn't see there was more there.

So she sought him and tried,
to find a love she'd once lost and forgotten,
there's bliss at the start,
but she never felt that love,
she told herself she'd still be content,
she made a promise to both him and herself,
that she'd make it work.

It took me some time,
to learn to love,
but I'm here now.

I won't be afraid this time,
to give my heart out.

History has given us,
a solid foundation,
to build our home upon.

And I'll lie here with you,
on the soft ground,
with our hands laced together,
and lips resting in a smile.

He has the voice of an angel,
too bad I can't **hear.

I live for myself,
I don't worry about what others think,
I don't care if I'm not wearing make up,
at the end of the day I come home,
feeling happy,
because whatever I did,
I did
**for me

We both hated each other,
I annoyed you,
You irked me.

A few months later

We became best friends,
I made you laugh,
you challenged me.

A few months later

We fell for each other,
I'd sneak glances at you,
You made me happy.

A few months later

We held hands,
I fell harder for you,
You may have for me too.

A Year Later

We grew up,
I changed,
You didn't like it.

Everyone has a weakness,
Mine happens to be You

Everyone has their fears,
**You're mine.

It's your voice that I woke up to,
drunken and low,
like a purr of the engine.

You tell me about this girl,
I've never heard you describe anyone like her before,
Nor have I heard you drunk.

She's the answer to your riddles,
the aches in your melody,
the voice you hear in your dreams.

You never told me her name,
And I'd be lying if I didn't say,
**I wanted her to be me.

It's a balloon,
flies
  high up

the sky is it's limit
the wind
          it's friend

It keeps going
                          h i g h e r

It's so
pretty
                              up there

there's something
sharp
it's beautiful

the balloon
it
moves
d
o
w
n

the wind
it tells the balloon to
s t o p

but the balloon tells the wind to
s t o p

it wants to
see
to
know

the wind stops

the balloon goes down
it's sharp
green leaves,
sharp
they circle the brown
sharp
thorns

it's beautiful

the balloon
feels a push
it's too near

it begs the wind
"******* away,"
the wind is
                     silent

The balloon can't stop
f
a
  l
   l
     i
       n
          g

there's a sound
it
* p  o  p  s

I promise myself,
that one day,
                            I'll get over you

That after that day,
                           You won't haunt me.

That after that day,
                            I'll be free.

The cage I locked myself in,
It'll be open

The best part is,
I won't lock myself in there again.

I'd like to think I'm alone in the world,
Because when I realise I'm not the only one who's hurting,
I feel horrified that there are so many,
There's no beauty in numbers,
When you read the reason it's for,
Don't you feel a little sick?
There's many of us dying,
worse yet, we're the ones with the **gun.

He sits with his arm draped around his girl,
Everyone knows they're together,
They all see them,
Together. Happy.

They don't see his eyes wonder,
to the same plain girl,
with scars like snakes on her arms,
Alone. Quite.

He thinks of her,
Longs for her,
wants her,
Morbid. Disgusting.

He wants the girl in his arms,
to be her,
he forgets of the world.
Her. Him. Together.

He looks happier without her by his side,
He flirts with all the girls he meets,
He doesn't talk to her anymore,
He pretends she doesn't exist

A month later

He glances at her when she isn't looking,
He doesn't understand,
He feels a little lost,
He doesn't fancy the girl by his side

Six months later

He tries to talk to her,
He stopped flirting with all the girls,
He loops his arm around her shoulder,
He doesn't understand why she pushes him away.

A year later

He misses her,
He misses her laugh, smile her words,
He wonders where she is,
All he knows is *She's happy

You look so happy without me,
While I'm falling apart with a hole in my heart.

She is
Thin
        Scrawny
They call her too thin
                                   flat chest
                        bony


She is
Chubby
     Big
  They call her fat
                              Ugly
                                    Overweight

Why
are they
so different?

Why
can't they
see
that they both are human
                                 girls

Why
do they
both long to be different
                             perfect

Why
can't they
see
how beautiful they are?

Why
do we
always
Tell them they aren't?

There are nights I can't sleep,
because I'm pestered with thoughts of you.

There are mornings I wake,
Exhausted from chasing you.

There are afternoons I bare,
Pretending I'm fine.
Maybe one day I'll believe it.

Then finally the evenings I collapse,
Knowing that this isn't the last.

The worst parts of my day,
Are seeing you,
because it reminds me,
of how little I meant to you.

People had a lot to say about us,
we didn't care,
It was each other we desired.

A sinful kiss later,
we both knew it can't be.

It's an unspoken rule between us two,
that you never tell me you love me,
and I pretend I don't see the way you look at me.

It's an unspoken rule between us two,
That you ignore the way my heart yearns for him,
and I ignore how much it kills you.

It's an unspoken rule between us two,
That you don't punch his ****,
and I play ignorance to your arguments.

It's an unspoken rule between us two,
That I don't encourage you,
and you don't tell me how you feel.

It's our unspoken rules,
that we don't speak of the feelings we have,
because we know it was the only way to be with each other.

Every morning I wake,
The promise of a new day,
Every night I sleep,
Where had the promise gone?

I still remember

all the conversations we had,
the promises you made
when you told me you loved me
the way you played with my hair
the way you'd smile at something I said
how you held my hand
your laugh
the way you texted
your snore
when you told me you had feelings for me
your voice

But you don't long for me the way I long for you. Anymore.