"Why are you the one crying when I'm the one hurting?"

I didn't know.

But I knew there was a stab in my heart and it hurts. It bleeds red and physical pain would ease the ache, because physical wounds can heal but these don't. Knowledge of breaking promises, of promising to keep you safe, to save you from more scars but effectively scaring you again.

I wanted to say it all, to hug you and hold you. I'm so sorry.

But I saw the look in your eyes. I saw the same look mirrored back to me from my parents when I was younger, when I used to cry.

Training saves you, it teaches you how to survive.

So I did.

So I closed up. I forced the tears to stop because you're sick of it. I'm weak. I'm frustrating. I'm emotional.

I've heard it all before.

You didn't want lies so I told you part of the truth.

"I don't know."