I look at the people who made me me
Not the person that I want to be
But this empty shell that walks alone
And can’t find a place to call home
I look at who I am inside
How most of me I want to hide
Like the scars that cover my midsection
And how people tell me they’re a sin
I hate that sadness that comes from pain
And I miss dancing in the rain
But now everything just feels the same
And I’m left wondering why I came
I hate the girl that I’ve become
And I know I’m not the only one
Because when I look at the people who made me me
It definitely isn’t love that I see
Why can’t you love the me you made me?
You still might break my heart
You have a lifetime to do it.
If I told you I love you,
would that be enough.
If I told you, you are the only thing I think about,
would you give us another chance.
If I learned how to communicate,
would you take me back.
If I told you I loved you
would you say it back?
The face of
You are Limited
You are Broken
You chain me
Addicts are lethal lovers
I'm still in love with him.
lead me through the darkness
I can't see
All I can do is
trust you have me
But I’m tripped
And i fall
Love isn't blind
But when I love you, I can't see
i trusted him time after time.
I am completely out of good ideas.
This isn't exactly what I'd call good company.
Being alone with you.
A worthwhile bad memory.
To know the future doesn't seem all that bad.
Under certain conditions.
Preconceived notions of cause and effect.
Yet predictable to see exactly where we're going.
Being in love with you seems like a bad idea.
I learned that the hard way.
The touch of a hand on the small of your back.
Afterwards we could both agree.
This was a really bad idea.
Picking up where the other left off
i remember when we met, we clicked instantly
i still remember how much you meant to me
i remember feeling whole in your arms
like not even a meteor could keep us apart
i remember when you told me you had been cheating
and how i begged for you to stay
you were the first person to ever make me feel worth something
and then you took my imaginary worth away
i remember when you told me you loved me,
and then told me you didnt actually mean it
i remember all the people ive left,
just because they werent you
i remember their words, in pain as i left
but all i can remember is the love i felt for you
ill never love anyone like i loved you
so why should i love?
its been 3 years
i know you dont care
i know all this is just wasted air
youll brush this to the side
just like how you did me
but i loved you
with a love that was so rare
one that no one else will ever experience
because how could i ever love anyone
like i loved you
fell for an **** guy with a beautiful heart and a love for girls in other countries.
I don’t know what to do. He’s with someone else now. And I despise myself for not being able to push back. For not being able to fight it and move on. I despise myself for getting too caught up in this man. For allowing myself to fall freely in love with him. To be vulnerable.
So now how do I move on and be happy. I see him smile, laugh, be happy and I wish just wish he could see the turmoil going on in my head and heart. Behind my smile lies a brokenness that only he could fix. Those same lips he smiles with once kissed me with all the desperation in the world. Asif I was his oxygen and lifeline. How do I allow myself to be comfortable knowing what we once shared so intimately is now being shared with another person that isn’t me.
What I feel isn’t jealously. I don’t know what I feel. A bundle of nameless emotions blacken my thoughts. Anger? Lust? Resentment? Hurt? Betrayal? I do not know what I feel. And it’s confusing. So this is what it feels like to have loved. A dangerous thing that has made me sworn to never again love until I am certain. How will I know? I thought I was certain. I feel betrayed more than anything. He told me I was his for ever and he sees a future with me. He told me “ you’ll probably be my wife someday” what does someday mean?
Stuck. I’m stuck on him and not moving forward. He was like a spell that was cast on me. And I’m stuck. Just stuck. So what now I ask myself? How do I function knowing the very person that made me get up in the morning is now out of my life...romantically. And I’ve prayed because trust me no one, NO ONE should feel this hooked on a person. And it’s a sin because I know that I’ve sent more time thinking about him than anything. And it’s a sin because I almost worshiped this man. Mere man made by God. Mere man had such a control over me. Mere man.
And I’m learning to help myself. Avoid eyes, carry on, imagine MY future. Work for me. It’s hard. Because I just want what was and not what is. And because of him I spend so much time living in the past dreaming, reminiscing, looking back at what ONCE was and no longer is. He’s somebody else’s man and I need to accept that and be my own woman. My own self without him.
And so I’m trying to comprehend what has happened and how quickly it happened. Can it just be over like this? And I often sit recollecting my thoughts and memories of what was. What could have been and I see the signs. And I think if only I had done something differently maybe we’d be in a different place or still be together.
Seeing him with someone else aches. I can’t help but think of what could have been. Yet again. Back pedaling. Like a tug in my heart. And I pretend. Blissfully act asif nothing is wrong. I cast my eyes away. Avoiding eye contact like a plague. Forcing my self not to look with all my strength. And it’s hard. So **** hard. But still I act. I can’t help but wonder if I’ll ever move on. I can’t help but think will someone ever be his infatuated with me?
Now. I feel a strange calmness. Acceptance. What’s happened has happened and I can’t dwell on what could have been. There is a peace. A small hope that our hearts reconnect. That we find out way back to each other and become one again. I’ve began to move on. I’m happy. He’s not the center of my world. Yes I still have a soft spot for him. He was my first love. The first person I ever feel so deeply For. My first obsession.
The first person I opened my whole self to him like a book and he drained me. He took every last bit of me i had to give. Maybe it’s my fault. I fell too hard too freely too fast. Recklessly speeding down the highway of love, throwing no caution to the wind.
And I still miss him. I am constantly plagued by what could have been. Regrets what I could have done differently. Desperately wishing I could go back in time. Please God just let me go back 7 months. Just to change one thing.
4 years wasted. 4 years of being emotionally invested in him. 4 years gone. Not a trace. Like strangers in the hallway. Feels weird not knowing what’s happening in his life. I want to know. I want to be his support. I want to be his pillar, his help, his constant, his anchor. The person he can run to any time and trusting I’ll have my arms wide open to reel him back into my heart. Where he belongs. Where he should be. Where he etched his mark. All over my body.
Obsessed with him.
Still in love with him.
I need to get over him.
My world isn’t him.
I’m voting to let go of him.
So yh...I was I’m stuck on him. Help!
He was like rain
That washed away every bit of doubt in my mind
He was like sun
That warmed my lips every time we kissed
He was like snow
That you get every winter so you didn't have to go to school
He was like happiness
That spread through my blood stream like a virus
He was like sadness
That I couldn't get rid of because he wasn't with me
He was like lust
That captivated me every time he touched my body
He was like obsession
That whittled away at my thoughts
He was like jealousy
That made me hold his hand a little tighter if his eyes wandered
He was like smiling
That you practiced everyday so people can't ask if you're okay
He was like hate
That you would choke down because you have company
He was like war
That you tried to win every battle but he had the upper hand
He was like fire
That you need to stay warm but if you got to close he would burn you
He was like love
That you wanted to fight for but at the end of the day
wasn't worth it