i gave up on my dreams tonight
but that doesn't mean i've given up on me.
you see, i am many things
i am a daughter
a sister
a friend
a student
a writer
a dreamer
a disaster
a believer
a human,
but one thing i am not is
my dreams.

i used to believe that i could only be one thing
and this one thing
was the only thing.
thus if i could not be this thing,
then i would be nothing--
absolutely nothing.
however,
it's taken me six thousand seven hundred and sixty days
to admit that this one thing
is nothing
in the midst of He who is my everything.

you are loved
not for who you are
or what you can do
or what you may offer.
you are loved
not out of obligation
or tradition
or personal gain.
you are loved by choice-
and my God, how He loves you.
He loves you like a father loves a daughter
because after all, you are His daughter.
you are His child,
close to His heart,
held in the palm of His hand.
He loves like the ocean-
vast
stretching on farther than the human eye can see.
His love is
immeasurable
and constant,
washing over you
every second
every minute
every hour
every day.
His love encompasses your entire being-
who you've been
who you are
and who you will be.
He wraps you in His love
until the person you see in the mirror is not you but
He.
so i pray and pray and pray
that there is a day-
and i know that there will be-
when you can see that you are loved.

Your eyes say you love
But all you do is hate.
You've given me your words
But given her more.
Tell me what does your heart have in store.

Is it me?
Is it her?
Will you ever make the choice?
Cause I won't be here forever
Waiting for you.

Each day doesn't seem right.
I see you
But you're always in her sight.

The whisper voices swarm into my own ears.
I want it to stop
But it's all I ever hear.
Their words
Strip me of my joy.
Their eyes
Follow me around.

Screams of lies
Echo through the halls
Trying to tell me that you love me.
But how can that be true
When you're never with me
But always with her.
Their words pierce me within;
Each word sharper than before.
I don't know how much of this I can endure.
Cause with every step you make
Every word you say
Every breath you breathe
You take a part of me away.
The halls
They whisper through the crowds.
Words I'd never say
Words I'd never hear.
I try to block them out
But they still come in
Breaking my walls
Shedding all my tears
With their lies.

I can't see the truth in your eyes.
Tell me where did it all go.
Is what they say true?
Is it me who is wrong?
Have they been right all along?
Was I the only one-
The only one blind to you?

Their words suffocate me.
The truth is plain to see.
But no, I can't.
I'll never accept it.

we're more like trees
than actual human beings at this point.
tangled at the roots
but branching out to our own directions.

You don't know how it feels
To second guess myself.
You don't know how it feels
When someone tells me otherwise.
I want to trust you.
I do trust you.
But I know what it's like to be an option.
I'm not even sure if I'm your
First,
Second,
Or third.
& let me tell you,
It's not fun.
It's not pretty.
And above all,
It's not fair.
I've been trying to be real to you,
And then she comes along.
Of all people.
Of all timing.
It's her and it's now.
I pray
And I h o p e
That you aren't lying.
I pray
And I h o p e
That you mean what you say.
I pray
And I h o p e
That you aren't going to just leave.

I know it isn't always the best-
But then again,
It's not always the worst.
So say you'll stay?
Even just for a minute or two.
Or maybe even fifteen.
Cause just a second seems like forever
Before you slip
a
w
   a
    y.

don't be my distraction.
don't be my reason why.
i don't even know you
and yet I'm wanting to make you into something that
you are not.

I have nothing left to write with anymore.
My fingers can't hold a pen.
My fingers can't type.
My mind is blank.
Completely
Entirely
B l a n k.
I'm drained.
It's like every feeling I had before
Has shrunk until
****.
They disappear.
Everything is gone.
Everything but
Hate.
All the hate has come back
And beat love to the ground.
My heart aches for something more
But what is there left to offer?
I'm but an empty shell.
I gave all my love to someone
Who gave it all away.
& when I thought I'd try again,
I fell short once more.
Told myself I'd be careful
That I knew better,
But I guess I didn't learn my lesson before.
I wanted to let you in
And keep you in store,
But you shut the door.
So now I'm empty on
Love.
& I don't know what I'm going to do.

Do you believe in second chances?
That the world could stop spinning if it wanted to.
That the birds in the sky are free to come and go as they please.
Are you a dreamer?
Do you stay up all night
Just to sleep in all day.
Do you watch the stars dance out the window and wish you were there.
Would you go to the moon and back just to say you did.
Do you believe in possibilities?*
That anything could happen if you just try.
Do you see "what ifs" all around
Or do you simply live in black and white.
Are there hundreds of doors waiting to be opened
Or do you knock at just one.
Do you make wishes on stars
And stay up until 11:11.
Because I do.

if a picture is worth a thousand words,
then mines must be nine hundred ninety-nine.

I don't need to be your everything.
Just let me be someone.
Let me be me.
While you can be you.
So then if life let's us be ourselves together,
Then I think that would be wonderful decision it could make.

I don't want to be here anymore.
"Here" is not "there,"
& "there" is when I want to be.