I brought you to the secret garden
Where I acquire inner peace
Where I am finally myself
And can escape from everything

I trusted you enough
To reveal that I am weak
That I made myself a garden
To distract me from my feelings

But after walking through my meadows
And now realizing I was free
You became overtaken in darkness
And began chopping down my trees

You destroyed everything I made
Until there was nothing left for me
You corrupted all my plants
And transformed them into weeds

I still marvel at the hopelessness
That you brought up onto me
And I regret in having trust
That you would offer some relief

To accept that I'm only human
And can sometimes fail at things
But I suppose it is a stretch
To assume you're not a freak

I mean after everything between us
I do not expect an apology
Cause in the grand scheme of things
We allowed our forests of solace to freeze

Together.

It was only last October
When you finally swept away
Any traces of our friendship
And you buried its remains

It triggered my escapism
So I could hide from nights of pain
I did not make the best decisions
But at least I was okay

I was reliant on the meds
So I would never have to face
The truth about our friendship
That was so clearly a mistake

And when you left for Houston,
It was then when I would break
I could not accept my reality
Which was keeping me awake

And the park where we would play
To pretend that we were eight
We knew we looked like idiots
But together, we were safe

But I realized I was in captivity
From the memories of that place
I was interrogated by inner demons
And I found myself in chains

So that ship has finally sailed
Her cruise had left today
People move on and priorities change...


When you wish they'd stay the same.

In the middle of my ignorance
I believed our love would stay
Though you had nothing to lose
If you disappeared and ran away

And that's exactly what you did
When you realized I was afraid
I had nearly forgot the loneliness
That was keeping me awake

You understood I was alone
And I welcomed you to stay
So you could tell me all the reasons
Why you wanted it this way

But once you slammed the door
And couldn't stand me anymore
I fell into deep depression
With my eyes fixed on the floor

Solemn regret swept over me
Cause I can see you were ignored
I was fighting inner demons
While our relationship was torn

So in the end I am to blame
I should have met you in the rain
Before you walked into the storm
Before your hands had closed the door

Should I call myself a traitor
For not honoring my needs
When I fall for you again
When I'm struggling to breathe

In the pool of old regrets
I'm still asking what it means
As I'm sinking to the floor
As I'm drowning to be free

I lament my current ignorance
For forgetting certain things
Like when I lay down in the dirt
From admitting our defeat

There's no basis for return
If you're always in my dreams
I had finally let you go
Until I ruined everything

I shouldn't play with fire
When my heart is made of weeds
But I was so desperate for attention
And the comfort it can bring

So I'll call myself a traitor
Cause I'm only hurting me
When I'm crawling back to you
And am on my hands and knees

Tell me this is not the end
That you simply just forget
To ask me how I'm doing
When I'm lonely once again

I am losing faith at best
In the promise that we're friends
I still see no interaction
From the words we haven't said

There's still no standing argument
To suggest it's in my head
I cannot be the only one
Who's concerned the other's dead
(Right....?)

But if there's nothing left to say
Then I suppose I need to rest
Silence can often speak volumes
When you're laying on your bed

So teach me how to handle it
And rest assured I'll try my best
Maybe I can finally get ahead of this
Cause I could really use a reset

To be okay when I'm by myself
And start this once again
To know when I should stop and reflect
To be thankful for all you've been
To me....

You took away my life
When you said that I should die
There's no reason I shouldn't cut you off
When you still believe in lies

To think I'd ever hurt you
Just confirms you're out of line
I know I'm not the best
When it comes to making time

But
You know I would have died for you
If you let me even try

I would have put away desires
If it meant you were alright
I would have gathered everything
Just to throw it into fire

I would have killed myself for you
If it meant that you could fly
I would have only prayed to God
If He could just give me a sign

I would have brought you all the roses
From the shop just down the street
I would have purchased every one
If it meant that you were free

I would have taken you somewhere safe
Just to show I have respect
I'm not like the other guys
I'm just looking for a friend

A soul I'll learn to cherish
When the skies are turning gray
A voice that puts to rest
The insecurities that I face

A place my thoughts can sleep
When they're keeping me awake
Your hands that I can hold
When I'm running out of strength

Ocean eyes that I'll admire
When the clouds are making haste
A nose that I'll make fun of
When you don't always get your way

Or your arms that will embrace me
When I've fallen in too deep
The words you whisper quietly
To make my inner demons weep

They will tremble out of fear
Cause they can't haunt me anymore
I know my worth when I'm with you
While we're sitting on the shore

Your mind is an ocean of ideas
That I'm diving to explore
My demons no longer there
When I'm lying on the seabed floor
Surrounded by your loving nature
As I get to know you more

You are everything to me
Which I know I've said before
But only when I'm in your arms
Are my inner demons ignored

I'm embraced by surrounding waters
Like I've finally found a home
Where I'm at my deepest point
But I no longer feel alone

I'll be hitting my rock bottom
But can make it out alive
Your words are enough to hold on to
When I'm on the verge of dying

They may take away my possessions
They may take away my pride
But I'll never let them take you
Even if it means I die

I didn't want to leave us
But you left me with no choice
You led me to the very edge
So I would fall into the void

I didn't want us to be over
But your plane had been deployed
I could not foresee our latest interaction
Would be the last one I'd enjoy

So when I start to think about you
And begin to lay myself down
I can feel you all around me
As your arms are wrapped around

I can hear the distant music
And remember all the sounds
When we danced the night away
And I drove you back to my house

Our fingers were intertwined
As we emersed in each other's eyes
I submerged into deep unconsciousness
Before kissing you goodnight

But as our voices grew tired
And we struggled to find the time
Something came between us
That I'll never get to find

I'm not one for saying the right words
I only know what I feel inside
And if I'm being fully honest
I still have not fully recovered

From the day she said goodbye.

Did I **** myself for you
Just to lose you once again
Did I become a different person
Once I pushed you to the edge

This was not what I expected
When I told you I was spent
When I gave you everything I had
To where there was nothing even left

You abandoned all I was
But this isn't what I meant
When I whispered in your ears
To ask if this was the end

If there was something I could do
Some way to make amends
Because you were my everything
And I loved you as my friend

I mean

When the puzzle pieces fell everywhere
We would pick them up again
Place them all back together
Until we reached the very end

We pushed through the hardest times
Just so that we could get ahead
When we were fighting our depression
We'd be supportive amidst our distress

We played all our weird retro games
Just to see how far we'd get
Maybe beat our latest score
And then do our little dance

We raced to see who was faster
Until we'd both run out of breath
We'd make all these little promises
For things that hadn't even happened yet

But as time went on
We began to forget
Who we were and what made us fall in love

In the first place.

i don't live in black and white
i only see through faded gray lenses
a clouded picture of what is reality

a forgettable moment here, a wasted opportunity there
i am surrounded by moments of dulled memories

my emotions are at rest
but they live in my head
dragging me down day by day
eventually i will stumble and fall
and i do not know if i will get up again


i see the world through a polaroid camera
where everything present is also the past
things that are often memorable
just slip through my purple hands

no one understands
why i never had a chance
to feel something, anything

i am treated like a nobody
cause nobody wants to get to know me

do i come off as vile,
hiding my pain and faking my smile?
i'm giving it everything i got
to be what people want
it has led me nowhere except deserted roads
where i'm greeted by that cold familiar friend
the demon that lives within

there is a void from within my chest
cause sacrificial love is dead

i have tried so many times but to no avail
i cannot fill it up with friends
no one cares enough to even give a flying f--k

this emptiness inside, it might just consume me whole
the longer i go deprived, with no one at my side
the stronger it gets, the harder it gets
it feels like i'm merely trying to survive
this hell we call earth

If I held the world for you
Would it even be enough?
Would you leave me in the dark
Like darkness is all it was?

Would you let go of my hand
Just to see where you would land?
If I had not been the one to catch you
You would have fallen into sand

It was only my mistakes
That could ever make you feel this way
I know I am not perfect
But since I know you cannot stay
I'll be running a hundred miles from here
I'll be standing in the rain

Thinking back to when it was us
And there was nothing but our love
When we would race along the shoreline
Until I'd tell you to give up

When we would listen to my music
And I would smile when you knew it
Our tastes were simply the same
And no one could dispute it

But I guess there are some wounds
That can never truly heal
I gave you so many scars
That I forgot how they used to feel

How they felt when I was young
Being cold and losing love
Knowing that the day would end
With my tears as my only friend

So can you see the stars in my eyes
As I try to say goodbye?
I don't know if I can keep smiling
But I know I have to try.

You said we'd leave this place
But it's all over now
Everybody's gone for work
I'm still stuck in this small town

You left for work that morning
The day that I made coffee
There was something in your eyes
That began to make me worry

You walked out the door
Like I was nothing anymore
I held onto you so tightly
You eventually pulled the cord

Was there nothing at all
That made you want to call?
I memorized your number
For when you'd have time in the fall

But once a year had passed
I realized she was never coming back
Her only desire was attention
But I cannot give
What I do not have.

You said not to fall apart
And yet here we are
You went on to neglect me
When our troubles became hard

You said I couldn't see
What you imagined us to be
Fully awake but you're still asleep
Always dreaming instead of accepting me

I admired you from afar
With my own kind of art
I guess I'm a painter after all
But my work was mine and never ours

And then you found it was always me
That I was all you'd ever need
Guess you finally came around
To acknowledge I'm a human being

But love, I'm gonna accept you
Like the way you accepted me
Hoping that the flaws I see
Will eventually come to be
The end of you.

Goodbye...

i am who i am
and that will never change
i am the same as i was a year ago
when the roses start to fade

i guess i'm not enough
to make tears run down your face
i still wonder if you care
if you even know my name

i don't understand
why we cannot co-exist
i never wanted to hurt you
with my poisonious lips

how deep are your scars
for us to make it this far?
there's a hundred million friendships
but all i wanted was ours

𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦
𝘑𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘣𝘺 𝘮𝘺 𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦
𝘐 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴
𝘐 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘳𝘺

𝘛𝘰 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦
𝘞𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘐 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘭 𝘮𝘺 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦
𝘉𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧
𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘤𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘥𝘪𝘦

𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘴𝘰 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩
𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘦𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘧𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵
𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘤𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯
𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘬𝘦𝘱𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘩𝘪𝘨𝘩

𝘞𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥 𝘧𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘢𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵
𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘦𝘯𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘵𝘰 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥
𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘪𝘦𝘤𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘵𝘰𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳
𝘐𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘱𝘶𝘻𝘻𝘭𝘦 𝘸𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦

𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘦𝘥
𝘛𝘰 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘵𝘴 𝘢𝘵 𝘯𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵
𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘳𝘶𝘯 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘴𝘦
𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦

𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘐 𝘥𝘰
𝘛𝘰 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦
𝘐𝘯 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘐 𝘳𝘦𝘱𝘢𝘺 𝘺𝘰𝘶
𝘐𝘧 𝘐'𝘮 𝘦𝘮𝘱𝘵𝘺 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦

𝘐 𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘮𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵
𝘚𝘰 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘥
𝘐'𝘮 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘦𝘯𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶
𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘐 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘥

please leave me alone
to walk these pathways solo
I was hoping you wouldn't notice
but I think you already know

I know I have problems
and I'm trying to fix them
but what words can be enough
for a desire to even say them

for every time I open my mouth
I wish that I had closed it
remembering the times I messed things up
and the disappearing moments

I give far too much
and I know that I shouldn't
cause I have nothing left to give
so at least I know I'm used to it

throw the page away
so you can make the same mistakes
tear the edges so it frays
i just want my hand to fade

If the world fell apart,
Would we have made it this far,
If things were done different,
Would you still be in my arms?

I exposed myself for you,
Just to feel my old scars,
I guess nothing has changed,
You're still a friend of the dark.

If the skies faded to red,
While I lay there and bled,
Would you treat me as your enemy,
Walk away to leave me for dead?

have you learned how to cope,
when you're left all alone?
the world has faded beneath our feet,
all that is left of it is you and me.

I don't want to lose you,
while I try to hold on,
my heart is heavy from the pain,
so can you just stay?

you're the only one left,
who's been by my side.
everyone leaves in the end,
no matter how hard I try.

to "stay in touch" or just "text them often"
but it doesn't matter don't you see,
they don't have much time to spend,
and they sure as hell don't want to spend it with me.


hell, I've thought it over and over,
about how much I'm a burden.
she doesn't even want to spend 5 mins,
in this world I'm just a ghost, that I'm certain.

sometimes I feel like you're dead to me
you're merely a face from long ago that use to comfort me
and...
tell me everything would be alright.

why do I keep coming back to you?
holding on to the hope of seeing you again,
when you're smiling, breathing...
returning to that beauty I used to know.
back then, it was so unfamiliar.
the sound of being so close, that unwanted feeling.

now you are the one who is unfamiliar to me.
have you changed, were you a different person then?
was I close friends with a ghost,
whose hands I could not reach....
was it all simply an illusion?

why am I here? why are you here?
do I miss you... or....
do I miss... the old you?
the version of yourself that died long ago?

maybe things have changed too quickly,
and I've failed to catch up,
you have focused on yourself,
while I was wrapped up in my thoughts.

I don't know why I keep coming back to you,
or why I can't let go.
why is it so difficult?
just....
why?

all I know at this point,
all I've ever known is,
I was closer with you than anyone else... even more than her.
and when I cried in front you,
that created something special, a sort of bond that I had never felt before then and...
haven't felt since either.

you know that feeling too.
because when you become close with someone,
and you show them just how much of a mess you are...
it changes things, at least for me.

things change even more when that same person,
who's seen more of your flaws than anyone else,
decides to turn their back on you,
and call you horrible things.

saying "you're selfish", "you're a narcissist",
throwing insults at you while you're trying your best and trying to help.
but when it comes down to it, you have to take care of yourself too.
maybe that is the reason, I don't feel anything when I'm around you.

maybe that is the reason I'm with your ghost.
because the you that I had known is dead to me.

remember when life was so simple?
how we worried about our future but were
caught up in our anxious ways,
never knowing who would leave or who would stay?

remember when you'd ask how I was
as if the world depended on my happiness?
like when you'd walk me down the alleys
and I agreed even though I was so nervous?

because deep down within me I loved you.
not because of how you looked,
or what you said,
but because of what you didn't say.

you didn't ignore me like everyone else,
you didn't roll your eyes and look away,
you didn't hide your emotions behind your face,
you only loved me as your friend.

you took me in and embraced me into your arms,
as if you found what you were always looking for.
I can never forget the warmth from your smile,
once day I'll see you again and tell you thank you.

did it all dissapear,
when you fell for the moon?
did you lose me for him,
cause you had nothing to lose?

when the stains from our past,
still tried to last,
you went on to neglect me,
and never turned back.

I lay here in silence,
I hear echos of your laugh,
but I know you're truly gone,
you were everything I dreamed to have.

and maybe you were never mine,
just a girl that made me cry,
my love was just a joke to you,
while our hands were intertwined.

I still think about you,
I still wonder where you are,
are you still enjoying life,
all alone under the stars?

will I ever forget you?
can't I just decide to move on?
I have music to pursue,
but I still hear our song,

from the distant meadows,
where we used to think about time,
how we never had enough of it,
when it was just you and I.

but now I fall asleep,
with you in my dreams,
you're still not erased,
in my notebook of memories.

and one day we'll be together,
when our stories come to end,
we'll have all of eternity,
to be ourselves and to love once again.

there once a girl named emma... who deserved the world. we talked so much, we felt so much together through our poetry online. and even though we couldn't see each other in person, combinations of letters being the only way of communication, it was a beautiful thing. we talked a lot about our problems and lifted each other up as much as we knew how to. but life had bigger problems and... we lost contact. the thing is, i appreciated her and appreciate her now even more. she liked every poem i ever wrote, always supporting me in every way she could and it meant so much. i just didn't even realize it. she helped me through a time when i was struggling and was just trying to be happy with myself. but not once. not once.... did i ever tell her thank you. not once did i even hint it and that is the worst part about it. and it causes the worst feelings in me too. i miss her. i want to talk to her...to reconnect. to tell her that i appreciated everything and none of it was for granted. to tell her that i've moved on and am living a better life. but now i will never have that chance. never. she deleted her hp account. she deleted her instagram that she once gave me. everything is gone of her... except the messages she sent. i know she'll never see this but... thank you for everything emma. i can't thank you enough. you cared for me in a way no one ever had before and i promise i will never forget you. no matter wherever you are right now... i hope you are thriving and living your best life. and if you're not... i'll always be there for you to comfort you just like old times. once again, thank you for everything emma, i really appreciate it. take care em, i love you and i'll see you around in heaven <3

****, it's only been a year.
a time full of hate,
a bed drenched with tears.

What's left of this love,
What once did you cherish?
Was it your pain that I held?
Because I can't even bear it.

I fell into your maze of lies,
Once pure and innocent.
But those days are long over,
You've changed, and you're not the same.
Not since you hung out with him.

And back when I was sensitive,
Unknown to the feeling of abuse,
I found myself a victim to her ******,
And it was my knife that she used.

She played with my feelings,
With her guitar she claimed to own,
I was blind and still in denial,
She deceived me with her fake love,
Through the four hours we'd talk on the phone.

night after night
i cry and i cry
no matter the time
i still try to decide

been crippled cause your love made me blind
i'm a fool for falling but hey you were my type
been working too hard now it's time to resign
but those 24 days were the highs of my life

i'm a helpless fool, what more can i do
it's been 6 months and my love's nothin' new
your love came with strings, i'm hesitatin' to renew
i'm tired of searching just to never see it from you

you're nothing but an empty face
scars still remaining from that one day
your beauty's been forced into my brain
but those words i now struggle to say

been walking down the wrong path
i always figured it couldn't last
it all happened so fast and in the end
you were just a girl i never had

"time to fall asleep," they always said
unknown of the henney kept under my bed
don't need no butter along with my bread
fighting sobriety like i always have been

don't try to pretend you're just trying too much
i played along but you never really had much luck
your moving lips once innocent when they first begun
but now every syllable is still just as corrupt

every word's injected with your poison
hating you but still loving the adrenaline
i lost every night, thinkin' i was winnin'
now i'm numb from the effects and i'm not even over it

love is a drug and you're my choice of symptoms
your love was with me but it was never enough
now you gone to someone else trying to run
you broke my heart once and for all now i'm lost in the dust

It had all gone down
On the call of last night
She threw away my love
And I knew it inside.

She had made me a victim
It all happened too soon
So hurt, I tried to forget
But I still smell her perfume

Her voice rings in my ears
Like a song that never ends
Except now it is a painful
Melody that plays again and again

The times we would laugh
About nothing at all
We both thought it was funny
We both knew we would fall

She turned off her phone
Just to focus on my words
Now my focus is on her
But it's no longer my turn

She's done with this love
And I know it's quite sad
But I don't regret a day
She's too beautiful to have

I was too perfect for her
And that's why she left
She couldn't bear the thought of
Drowning in my love once again

Maybe she didn't love me at all
Or she hated the commitment
But that's okay because
Even I can appreciate distance

Her lost empty feelings
Gave me reasons to appreciate
Everything she ever did for me
Even if it was only 24 days

I know you still love me,
I can hear the tremble in your whisper,
For what crime have I committed,
For what lie am I a sinner?

I can feel you falling,
You’re afraid of tripping again,
But I’ll catch you this time,
So let’s start from the end.

I can feel all your pain,
Through your words filled with tears,
You’re attached to the Train,
And your ticket is fear.

I’ll love you until the end,
No matter the path you choose,
You ask why you're perfect to me,
And my answer is you.

I believe it’s still within you,
You’re holding back your emotions,
Please give yourself some love,
And I’ll be the one to hold it.

I want to see you so bad,
while my flesh is still burning,
I still feel it every day,
cause it's an everyday thing.

Can you feel all these tears,
that still pour from my eyes?
Can you give me all of yours,
so I can be the one to die?

I don't want you to suffer,
from this pain living inside,
I'll be the one to cry forever,
cause its the crying I like.

You know I'd do anything,
if it meant you were happy,
just wish I was beside you,
so we could never stop laughing.

I still remember the times,
when we stood out in the rain.
We're so different you and I,
but we're both still the same.

I still imagine you before me,
doing all the things we like to do,
but waking up from that glorious dream,
reminds me to renew,

Everything you've
ever given
and
everything
I've
received.

Your ashes still lie here,
With the last of your remains,
I’m sorry I let you down,
I still suffer from this shame.

Your makeup still smeared,
On my new sweater’s collar,
Couldn’t do anything but watch,
As my heart began to get smaller.

Your jeans are still torn,
From the night you ran away,
My sorrow got the best of me,
And now they’re all stained.

Your eyes filled with fear,
Your cheeks still flushed with crimson,
My heart held you captive,
And alone you lie in prison.

Your eyes are so pure,
Still glowing in the night,
I wish I could go back,
So I can admire them right.

Your lips filled with poison,
Your hair pushed away,
Wish I could forget your flavor,
But I still taste it everyday.

I want to lie down and forget about
everything that ever happened,
to begin somewhere new
and have a new beginning

I want to forget about my mistakes
and move on before they catch up
they've been endlessly following me
and I feel there is no turning back.

was there ever a moment,
where time had lost the battle?
in every way I'm bound by it,
leaving me defeated and weak

I wish I could give up
and not have to worry about anything.
cause everything is hard
and not worth my fighting

If you’d only hold on,
To my torn empty hands,
I can show you that pain,
Is not always a bad thing.

If you’d only open up,
And tell me your feelings,
I’ll hold all our tears,
Until reasons do not exist.

You say that love is far over,
The colors of dawn are only fading,
But ever since you’ve loved me,
I’ve felt compelled to disagree.

Love is nothing if there’s no end,
Time’s grasp having no effect,
So let’s make even more of this moment,
Before fear enters and holds us back.

I've been going through the motions,
Trailing behind your footsteps of joy,
Because their scent is too potent,
For me not to respond in some way.

I make every effort to say things,
That people have found comforting,
The problem is it means nothing to me,
I've never cared whether people ask me.

I wish I could start over,
And write meaningful poetry,
Not all romantic scenarios,
But just me being myself.

But it's hard to write,
About something you don't feel,
And if all I'm feeling is love,
Then what else can I write of?

These thoughts in my mind,
Repeat like a melody,
I can't make them go away,
Unless I continue to pursue them.

Love is all I'm feeling,
So how do you me expect to just forget you?
Do you think you're a mere memory,
Who will drift away once all contact is gone?

I could never forget you,
Even if I wanted to.
Your mark is forever tattooed on my mind,
And now I'm left here with only empty thoughts.

So that's why I'm still writing.
Because as long as love exists
I'll be writing about its effects,
Whether I'm lonely or…truly alone.

Do you remember the time,
You called out my name,
And asked me if I wanted help?
I could never forget it.

Do you remember,
When you asked me how I was doing?
And I answered with a simple "I'm fine."
Only because I was afraid of saying the truth.

Do you remember,
The time you smiled so wide
After hearing we had something in common?
That moment changed my life.

Do you remember,
The time you asked me to come along,
And walk with you while I was still young?
That had never happened before you.

Do you remember,
The time we talked love,
And how it was worth the struggle?
I couldn't agree more, especially now...

Why is it that you
Only appreciate them
After they are gone?

Why is it,
That whenever I think of you,
I feel you're thinking of me too?

Why is it,
That when I feel like falling,
You catch me before I can?

Why is it,
That when you look me in the eyes,
I can tell that you're holding back?

Why is it,
That when your voice begins to rise,
My heart just melts instead of matching it?

Why is it,
That when I am around you,
I get butterflies that only I can feel?

Why is it,
That when your voice is spoken aloud,
No one bothers to listen to it?

Why is it,
That you haven't found me yet?
Am I just as lost as you in love's maze?

Why is it,
That I haven't taken one more step,
Walking throughout the path you've shown me?

she had strolled in,
with a smile on her face,
and I had a feeling,
that she'd come my way.

she walked over,
to where my table was at,
Sat down and smiled at me,
no words were spoken,
her eyes told me everything.

she was the one to
"show me I have reasons"
to love myself,
no matter the amount of mistakes made.

I learned to appreciate everything,
including myself.
because in everything,
there is beauty.

vulnerability through tears,
emotion through eyes,
frustration in confusion,
no matter how hard we try.

feelings are forever,
so be careful how you share them,
one can be hurt through so many ways,
we must remember that others are better.

I am not like the others,
who scream out of pain.
pain is no longer degrading,
because I have become one with it.

I do not hold back tears,
like the rest of world.
vulnerability is power,
and it flows through me.

fear does not possess me,
I posses fear.
it is my greatest tool,
when striving for greatness.

I do not worry about circumstances,
I leave it to God to decide my fate.
if I fall I will gain the capability
to get back up.

you say I am just a boy,
but who are you to tell me who I am?
you have never been awarded,
for being a "realist" as you call yourself.

no statue has been erected,
for all the words you spit.
you discourage the strong,
in hope they will fail like you have.

I am not a human,
I am simply an emotion inside of you,
I am called Courage and I've always been here...
just let me know when you're ready to use me.

though the mountains may scream,
and the ground may crumble,
It has no effect on me.
I am not bound by time or space.

though their words spit fire,
their hands wielding weapons,
they are useless against me.
I have become numb to their insults.

though their hands suffocate,
and their eyes scream of hatred,
I cannot see it within their hearts.
they are burdened from the inside.

though the sky will turn dark,
the lightning to shout infinitely,
it will never strike me,
because we have already met.

though their eyes fill with tears,
their face embracing pain,
It does not compare to my struggle.
Mine is unending and lives in me.

though their lives are well lived,
their bodies are still buried.
I do not die because I am not human.
I live infinitely if you choose to let me.

I saw her face,
From the streetlight so dim,
She looked scared and alone,
No one to be with.

I wanted to help,
And show her I cared,
But she never asked,
She never stared.

Her heart was my warmth,
Filled with her magic,
I held her core,
The holes in her jacket,

Because she looked frozen,
From things of her past.
I knew of her memories,
Just wanted ours to last.

Last more than our scars,
That will endlessly bleed,
We traveled so far,
Like you wouldn’t believe.

When a boy falls in love,
His heart begins to echo,
All of her thoughts,
Like he knows them already.

When a boy falls in love,
His heart starts to crumble,
As they walk in the room,
Quiet but humble.

When a boy falls in love,
His words start to sound,
Like he wants her with him,
Even to mess around.

When a boy falls in love,
His tongue becomes frozen,
His legs start to tremble,
But he’ll remain calm,
Though he’ll never own it.

When a boy falls in love,
His mind can’t say calm,
He’ll stay away,
He won’t sleep at all.

Because he’s busy wondering,
Of what she's been doing,
If she’s thinking of him,
Her presence so soothing.

It’s 1am and I’m lost in thoughts,
Of your face as it so brightly gleems,
Against the wall’s iridescent reflection.

These sheets can only cover so much,
They can’t keep my heart from growing cold,
Not the way you always have done so.

Your smile can light up my world,
Like the universe is on fire,
Blazing for all eternity,
Igniting my only desire.

Your eyes speak of beauty,
That I want you to see,
Admiring their waves,
Swimming their sea.

Your life is mine to discover,
So open yourself up,
Reveal your treasure,
I only want you, not one or the other.

You hide yourself and wait,
Like beauty still encased,
But I see your smile,
From miles away,

The distance it takes,
To chase after your heart,
Call it all mine,
Cause I’ll run that far.

I can’t help but wonder,
What your mind’s really after,
A boy who has passion,
Or just a boy full of laughter.

I miss you so much,
I can barely accept it,
The times that you smiled,
The ways that you held it.

I miss our short little opinions,
And all our cute jokes,
Your laugh cheered me up,
When I felt so low.

You read my poems,
Every one I wrote,
I felt your warmth,
Until you had to go.

I've heard they say,
That all good things must end,
But I never believed it,
At least not til' you left.

I'm not bitter towards you,
This wasn't your choice,
We told them our feelings,
But they couldn't hear our voice.

That's just how life is,
Not everyone will listen,
But when someone does,
That's when they'll glisten.

Cause they took the time,
To hear all your feelings,
Your rants and mistakes,
The choices misleading.

If they tell you sometime,
"I'm right here for you,"
You can believe them,
Cause their support's nothing new.

Come along with me,
And hold my hand,
I'll fly you away,
Past the undiscovered lands.

I'll bring you along,
And talk on the phone.
But you're not the same,
You're not who I know.

Your scars can leave,
Along with your regrets,
I'm still here with you,
And I'm not leaving yet.

Not until the end,
When you've heard of your legacy,
I'll be right here beside you,
Until your last breath.

And even after your buried,
I'll stay by your side,
After the moon's final stage,
And every tear is cried.

How can you stand there,
With blood on your hands?
You never confessed,
But here you still stand,

Covered in their remains,
Full of their memories,
But you put that aside,
You made your amenities.

Was their life of no value,
For you to even consider?
Did they not heal you,
Through the harsh freezing winter?

You neglected your feelings,
Not even to think twice,
About what you were doing,
Ending their life.

What did they do to hurt you,
To make you carry this grief?
I assure you it’s not their fault,
They’re not the reason you weep.

Do you ever find yourself wishing you could start over?
Do you yearn for the moments you never took advantage of?
Oh, how I wish I could relive the past so I could become a better me,
So I wouldn’t have to learn the hard way of living (if you can even call it that).

What exactly is living?
Whatever it is, I know I have never experienced it.
Because if I did, I would have been so much happier,
And would have felt like it too.

But as I sit here without a doubt in my mind,
That somewhere out there is thinking the same thing,
I can’t help but wonder if this is all life has to offer.
Just a box full of chocolates, spoken affections and the roses you didn’t think you would have to pick up after.

But the petals give me comfort because they didn’t enjoy this either.
It’s not like they love to be cut down only to suffer for one’s affections for another.
I guess we are all roses stuck in our vases,
Who just want to get out and feel the fresh air that the world has to offer.

All we need is just a little nurturing,
And a small packet of food we can enjoy in the meantime,
To grow and become a better flower,
Like all are expected to be once selected.

And once we are picked, trimmed and primed to perfection,
We can fill the room with our scent of beauty,
Something only some can appreciate,
Like everything else in the world.

There comes a point in life
When you have to admit that
There's more sadness and pain
Than all your happiness combined

Reality can swallow us whole
If we're not careful with what we say
The things we tell ourselves and
The people that come our way

Cause I've been talking to people
Who make me feel so happy
Just trying to forget my sadness
And the things that have been happening

I'm sure you have realized this
Because making others happy
Makes us feel happy too
Just sometimes it's not what we expected

We sometimes forget that
We're not all the same
We don't all tell each other
We love them the way we want to

But the path that you choose
Right now in this moment
Makes all the difference tomorrow
When you decide to give up

Cause you didn't make an effort yesterday
Why should you make one today?
Because happiness is worth is the risk, that's why

Forget your reputation right now
Because all it does is hold you back
From getting want you want so dearly
If you want something in life you have to give everything
You have just
To get
It

Sing me a song,
Tell me the lyrics,
I'll sing along,
If you let me hear it.

Read me your poems,
Describe their meaning,
I need to know it,
Cause you're who I'm needing.

Come out from your shell,
Let me see your beautiful eyes,
I'm aware that you fell,
You were lost in the night.

Spray your perfume,
Spread all your essence,
It fills the whole room,
Yet no one can end it.

Explain your life,
How you've been shaped,
I just want to find you,
Cause no one else's the same.

I used to think I was better alone,
No people to chase,
No roses to bring home.
But all of these thoughts were from long ago.

I used to believe in this thing called love,
Hearing of all its effects, its unending sun.
But to feel its warmth actions are required.
I've fallen so many times, I've become too tired.

Chasing the highs, while falling for lows,
But I never gave up, I never let go.
Why, I'm not really sure,
I stole the energy but love I never owned.

I used to think I was better alone,
Why did I ever think I could see the light,
Through the dark cloudy smoke?

Now I'm stuck with your heart,
From your fake shiny clone.
Don't try to hide it,
Cause your lies are revealed,
Your secrets are shown.

She looks good in the moonlight,
Nothing like I've ever seen.
But I've been lost inside,
At least that's what it seems.

Her hair shines in the daytime,
Blinds me of all confidence.
But I can't really fight it,
I'm stuck frozen unless,

She can open her heart,
And give me a way in.
Cause I yearn to love,
All that she is.

There's only so much,
That you can tell someone,
Before your hands meet,
And realize they're the one.

You may not see it,
Cause she still feels lonely,
But she doesn't realize,
That she is your only.

"Just shrug it off," "Become a man."
That's what they all tell me,
But they don't understand.

"Do well in school," "Get good grades too."
Easy for them to say,
They never felt my gloom.

The world's full of authority,
And yes you should respect it.
But there's more than obeying,
Problems too, prepare to expect it.

I know their older,
And probably wiser.
But what if they're not,
What if they never lit their fire?

Her actions were true,
Her motives were few.
But she never stopped,
Cause she always knew.

Someone told her she was beautiful,
Glowing with personality.
But she didn’t feel that way,
Not in her reality.

Her Destiny was clear,
When she entered the room,
It filled her lungs,
It happened so soon.

His eyes still glowed,
Though cloudy and weak.
She could smell his smoke,
Through the magic unseen.

They all called her Destiny,
For the stars in her eyes.
From the time that you see,
Till the day that you die.