In the middle of my ignorance
I believed our love would stay
Though you had nothing to lose
If you disappeared and ran away

And that's exactly what you did
When you realized I was afraid
I had nearly forgot the loneliness
That was keeping me awake

You understood I was alone
And I welcomed you to stay
So you could tell me all the reasons
Why you wanted it this way

But once you slammed the door
And couldn't stand me anymore
I fell into deep depression
With my eyes fixed on the floor

Solemn regret swept over me
Cause I can see you were ignored
I was fighting inner demons
While our relationship was torn

So in the end I am to blame
I should have met you in the rain
Before you walked into the storm
Before your hands had closed the door

Should I call myself a traitor
For not honoring my needs
When I fall for you again
When I'm struggling to breathe

In the pool of old regrets
I'm still asking what it means
As I'm sinking to the floor
As I'm drowning to be free

I lament my current ignorance
For forgetting certain things
Like when I lay down in the dirt
From admitting our defeat

There's no basis for return
If you're always in my dreams
I had finally let you go
Until I ruined everything

I shouldn't play with fire
When my heart is made of weeds
But I was so desperate for attention
And the comfort it can bring

So I'll call myself a traitor
Cause I'm only hurting me
When I'm crawling back to you
And am on my hands and knees

Tell me this is not the end
That you simply just forget
To ask me how I'm doing
When I'm lonely once again

I am losing faith at best
In the promise that we're friends
I still see no interaction
From the words we haven't said

There's still no standing argument
To suggest it's in my head
I cannot be the only one
Who's concerned the other's dead
(Right....?)

But if there's nothing left to say
Then I suppose I need to rest
Silence can often speak volumes
When you're laying on your bed

So teach me how to handle it
And rest assured I'll try my best
Maybe I can finally get ahead of this
Cause I could really use a reset

To be okay when I'm by myself
And start this once again
To know when I should stop and reflect
To be thankful for all you've been
To me....

You took away my life
When you said that I should die
There's no reason I shouldn't cut you off
When you still believe in lies

To think I'd ever hurt you
Just confirms you're out of line
I know I'm not the best
When it comes to making time

But
You know I would have died for you
If you let me even try

I would have put away desires
If it meant you were alright
I would have gathered everything
Just to throw it into fire

I would have killed myself for you
If it meant that you could fly
I would have only prayed to God
If He could just give me a sign

I would have brought you all the roses
From the shop just down the street
I would have purchased every one
If it meant that you were free

I would have taken you somewhere safe
Just to show I have respect
I'm not like the other guys
I'm just looking for a friend

A soul I'll learn to cherish
When the skies are turning gray
A voice that puts to rest
The insecurities that I face

A place my thoughts can sleep
When they're keeping me awake
Your hands that I can hold
When I'm running out of strength

Ocean eyes that I'll admire
When the clouds are making haste
A nose that I'll make fun of
When you don't always get your way

Or your arms that will embrace me
When I've fallen in too deep
The words you whisper quietly
To make my inner demons weep

They will tremble out of fear
Cause they can't haunt me anymore
I know my worth when I'm with you
While we're sitting on the shore

Your mind is an ocean of ideas
That I'm diving to explore
My demons no longer there
When I'm lying on the seabed floor
Surrounded by your loving nature
As I get to know you more

You are everything to me
Which I know I've said before
But only when I'm in your arms
Are my inner demons ignored

I'm embraced by surrounding waters
Like I've finally found a home
Where I'm at my deepest point
But I no longer feel alone

I'll be hitting my rock bottom
But can make it out alive
Your words are enough to hold on to
When I'm on the verge of dying

They may take away my possessions
They may take away my pride
But I'll never let them take you
Even if it means I die

I didn't want to leave us
But you left me with no choice
You led me to the very edge
So I would fall into the void

I didn't want us to be over
But your plane had been deployed
I could not foresee our latest interaction
Would be the last one I'd enjoy

So when I start to think about you
And begin to lay myself down
I can feel you all around me
As your arms are wrapped around

I can hear the distant music
And remember all the sounds
When we danced the night away
And I drove you back to my house

Our fingers were intertwined
As we emersed in each other's eyes
I submerged into deep unconsciousness
Before kissing you goodnight

But as our voices grew tired
And we struggled to find the time
Something came between us
That I'll never get to find

I'm not one for saying the right words
I only know what I feel inside
And if I'm being fully honest
I still have not fully recovered

From the day she said goodbye.

Did I **** myself for you
Just to lose you once again
Did I become a different person
Once I pushed you to the edge

This was not what I expected
When I told you I was spent
When I gave you everything I had
To where there was nothing even left

You abandoned all I was
But this isn't what I meant
When I whispered in your ears
To ask if this was the end

If there was something I could do
Some way to make amends
Because you were my everything
And I loved you as my friend

I mean

When the puzzle pieces fell everywhere
We would pick them up again
Place them all back together
Until we reached the very end

We pushed through the hardest times
Just so that we could get ahead
When we were fighting our depression
We'd be supportive amidst our distress

We played all our weird retro games
Just to see how far we'd get
Maybe beat our latest score
And then do our little dance

We raced to see who was faster
Until we'd both run out of breath
We'd make all these little promises
For things that hadn't even happened yet

But as time went on
We began to forget
Who we were and what made us fall in love

In the first place.

i don't live in black and white
i only see through faded gray lenses
a clouded picture of what is reality

a forgettable moment here, a wasted opportunity there
i am surrounded by moments of dulled memories

my emotions are at rest
but they live in my head
dragging me down day by day
eventually i will stumble and fall
and i do not know if i will get up again


i see the world through a polaroid camera
where everything present is also the past
things that are often memorable
just slip through my purple hands

no one understands
why i never had a chance
to feel something, anything

i am treated like a nobody
cause nobody wants to get to know me

do i come off as vile,
hiding my pain and faking my smile?
i'm giving it everything i got
to be what people want
it has led me nowhere except deserted roads
where i'm greeted by that cold familiar friend
the demon that lives within

there is a void from within my chest
cause sacrificial love is dead

i have tried so many times but to no avail
i cannot fill it up with friends
no one cares enough to even give a flying f--k

this emptiness inside, it might just consume me whole
the longer i go deprived, with no one at my side
the stronger it gets, the harder it gets
it feels like i'm merely trying to survive
this hell we call earth