I fell in love with you
Oh have I ever got stumbled this bad
You had and still have the key to my fortress
I am so afraid to change the lock
Cause you might wanna come home
Or thought that the sun burns too hot outside
Or maybe because I simply want you to come back
I want you
Only you
That one particular man;
Who pushed my walls with your tenderness
Quietly holding my heart without touching my skin
Whom I choose to let in and now
—I cannot let go
When you decided you hated every pictures I put up on my wall of history
—I cannot hate you
Even after you walked over the crown I'm wearing
And what's worst is, you spit on my face, yet I still wake up every day—choose to fall in love with you even more
I wish I could stop
I wish I could fast forward the time
To that moment when your name won't feel like a blade coming out of my throat
Or when I can rest at night without recalling how you always, always told me to be in my most comfortable position inside your hug before we sleep
I said I was done
Done for what? I'm walking away from you but keep finding myself going round and round you as my heart calling your name like echoes
We do know there are two sides of every story as they said
You hurt me, I hurt you
How we both think we got bruised a little more than another
Was it true? Does it even matter anymore who hurts who when we both are hurting?
Doesn't pain is in accordance with love?
We got hurt cause we love
We love
You loved me
And I loved you
I loved you then
I love you still
This is too much. Falling in love at this age is too much for me to handle cause my brain already picture how forever looks like when my last name changed into yours
I was off guard when you stood there in front of me. You were never on my plan. I surely didn't know I am able to love like this again. To experience this kind of love;
The kind that makes me think of nothing as long as it's you. The love I avoid to have cause I'm always scared of losing. The love that makes me laugh and cry in one single line you speak. The 'I just want to be a koala and you're the tree' kind of love. The love that makes me willing to do crazy **** above my pride cause you’re so much more worth it. The love that changed my insides like someone just explode a grenade in it. The love that makes me see the poetry written all over your tattooed skin as I voice them out through my writing. The love I love deeper than love have allowed to love. I found in you
And I lost it
When I lost you.

the act of
restraining self
from the hunger
of your sweet kisses
and the thirst
of your soothing touch

there is this boy whom I once knew
he craved my heart butterflies tattoo

whenever we kissed,
those butterflies flew

but as cold as snow,
he left me blue

yet in the mention of his name,
those butterflies still fly too

look at my new heart
he sewn so beautifully
and I wear proudly
cause it makes my smile glows
and the blue sky follows
the birds hum our love song
like nothing ever went wrong

for some people heaven is
a world without war
or a home and a family
or maybe a vanilla ice cream
but I have my concept of heaven;
it is you—laughing, smiling, breathing
—because of me

what if I tell you a word
that can describe a feeling
of abundant happiness
that's been bursting
inside my chest like fireworks?
what if the word is so simple,
I secretly been saying to you
this whole time?

everything around me is changing;
hours turn into seconds
gazes become smile
touches is now a habit
kisses are equal to promises
and love changed into you

swing the magic wand, abracadabra
you appear like waterfall in Sahara

drop a penny into a wishing well
our hands touched and our hearts fell

boxes of questions, nothing seem true
yet when I choose one, I found you

cuddling inside the blanket
while the rain sings over the rooftop
is a lovely thing we should do
but don't you think listening to me
shouting back to the thunder;
yelling your name with pleasure
while my feet on your shoulder
is better?

my broken heart
cracks open
to the surface
of my tired flesh
they make me
look so **** ugly
but you stare at them
like they are art
and told me
how my flaws are
helping you share
your sunlight easier
into my dark sides

forgive me for wanting
to pause the ticking clock
and simply dance with you
over the silence of our kiss

no one in this delusional world
is willing to love me better
than myself
until you touched me
with the closest thing
I ever feel about miracle
and you made the mirror
changed my own reflection
to your figure
cause you love me
as easy and as much
as I love myself

billion blinks with each breathing,
thousand crossroads to nothing
are the dots of questions in my life
and with just one millisecond
of your voice saying "hi"
in that cafe on Tuesday night
I am able to create one beautiful line

I showed him
my black past
and he showed me
peace in the dark

with just a pair of dark eyes
and a heart
he looks at me
like I'm coated
in gold and stars
and loves me
like he just discovered
what love is
in all I am

without doubt
now I have finally found
the person who has possession
of all my sweetest poetry

those fists of his
are strong enough
to protect me
and hold me tight
from the world
yet his arms
are so gentle;
he can carry me
to a sweet dream
like I'm home

you said I am the blackhole
inside your galaxy
and no one can disagree
to your statement
because I know for fact
that I have a love
within the space of my heart
made only for you
that is so forceful
it will consume you

I promise you will be lost
forever inside me
and at the exact same time
you will be safe and free

what really curious me
is the kind of color
he'd ignite from his touch
when the sun kisses
the cloud for the first time

oh
not one thing
ever looked
so beautiful
in the right
time
cause
I could swear
I've stopped
looking
when
these eyes
found
you

there is a certainty inside your eyes
that makes me want to buy a canvas
and just write every single detail
of happiness you brought for me
until the white paper becomes black
cause I spill all the ink on earth
about the way you kiss me every 5 mins
the way you lose control like a kid
the way you smell like sugar rush
the way your joke hurts my belly
and the way you are
perfectly
fits me

"so, when can I see you again?"

I immediately answer in my head;
"I hope to hold you still like this
for the rest of my funny life
just so you can see me all the time"

yet, I took a breath and said;
"after working hour tomorrow
would be very nice"

he was as scared as I was
I can tell cause he was steady
—he was a mountain and I,
I shook him with my earthquake

none of us can handle each other
none of this are wrong
and nothing else feels more right
oh, Lord, we are so in love

each skin friction he made with mine
are leaving goosebumps on places
I never even knew existed before
and all creatures on earth disappearing;
he's all I can hear, he's all I can feel
he's all I know and I found myself
the moment I found him

shut my eyes, close my ears
steal my sun, torture my soul
funny how the sky fell unnoticed
and all my senses lost their role

cause I can live by everything
you are

they say the world smiles through flowers
I say, your flowers make me smile for the world

for me, you are
the brightest star
I've been wishing upon
to fall

I kissed your lips and I knew
what the moon is feeling
as the world forbids it
to ever be close to the sea
no matter how many times
it attracts the water from up above

have you ever know somebody too well
you even recognize their footsteps sound?
how those thumps match your heartbeat
as the person walks towards your feet
and the moment his skin touches yours,
you remember why you are made for

how quickly
for you to catch
my falling tears
and here I thought
nobody would ever
love my fears

Because of you
I, now, have come
to a realization of
how careful I must be
as the sweetest tongue
always have the sharpest tooth
just like the lies you speak
right before you bite me

lihatlah betapa cepatnya matahari
dan bulan purnama silih berganti
di Jakarta ku termenung menanti
sebuah senyuman semu di Bali
yang hanya membutuhkan waktu tiga hari
untuk membawa seluruh hatiku pergi

there will come a day
when you finally arrived to me
for I am the only one
—your only one
who can make you stop hiding
from your own darkness and fear
cause I have saved up enough light
inside my heart for both of us

how can I not be a poet
when poems are flying out
like dandelions blowing
every time I see you laugh

yesterday I looked at my phone screen
and I learned how beautiful a square can be
the second your playful smile appeared
was the moment my real world disappeared

the wolves in me howl to the moon in your eyes
and I wonder if you have any idea that you can stay
inside your walls of ocean and be separated miles away
from where I am standing and still own my whole heart

tell me you worship
the watercolor painting
of a blended sun and moon
within my deepest heart

and I promise to make a life;
a dancing trees and owls
a raining stars
a soothing waterfalls

out of the ghost
you've been carrying
inside your flesh
and tired bones

today I ate candies
and chocolates
and ice cream
and I figured out
that they are
the flavor of you

all I ever do is
following a blurry face
who wears your smile
and a little of
everything you are

If you remember
the good days
and the worst nights
when I told you that
I really love you,
those four words
are true
and I meant it
only for you

I wish yours did too
I wish yours did too

must I recreate our story
to make you feel my sorry
I will do it, many times over
just let me know we're not over
so spare me more seconds and hours
and I'll patch up our flaws with flowers
cause if the sky changes from grey to blue
then I can make this right again for you

wasn't it time who leads your footsteps to me?
but the time was so wrong and so do we
our love sinks very fast like the sun into the sea
how I always thought we were meant to be

and if by any chance the time made its apology
I wish your footsteps find their way back to me

-

"I'm not promising you anything,
but if I ever come back to you with a ring
you have to promise me you'll say yes"

*"I promise"

was it the ocean waves calling?
or was it your heart beating?
was it the little ***** tingling?
or was it your fingers tickling?
but it didn't matter which was it
cause I fell in love with them all

usually I speak the love words loudly
so loud, those words could create poetry
so loud, they'll boil the blood in your vein
so loud, your chest might feel so much pain

until I met him and I fell in love with him

he's everything still
so quite but perfectly clear
then I learn to declare love in silence
with only stars as our audience

relationship is not a game of
player one and player two
but it is a team of me and you

she is petite—a doll-like-pretty
they look great together; she and him
but I don't envy her, in fact, I pity her
cause she got to let go of him;
a guy who has a kind heart,
cannot be found in every dinasty,
speaks the truth so dearly,
kisses gently—hugs tightly,
free and sets me free

though he's not mine and never will be,
but I'm content enough knowing
that the girl who gets to share
his Sundays with is me

draw me a silver line
leave me a clear sign
for someday in the future time
I have a chance to call you mine

what I want is to know
you've been infected
by my blushing cheeks
whenever you call up my phone,
by the heat of my body
whenever you hold my hand,
and by my bubbly feelings
whenever you're around me

"so I've heard love is contagious," she said
*"I know, that is why I love you too," he smiled

baby, I never knew I could
feel happy like I don't know pain
and I never knew that it's possible
to dream while I'm waking up

all I know is I must let this go
—this illusion of every-us
in order to save myself
from you

I am made of flame
and I am madly in love
with a guy who is made
of everything fire-proof