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Feb 2017
I fell in love with you
Oh have I ever got stumbled this bad
You had and still have the key to my fortress
I am so afraid to change the lock
Cause you might wanna come home
Or thought that the sun burns too hot outside
Or maybe because I simply want you to come back
I want you
Only you
That one particular man;
Who pushed my walls with your tenderness
Quietly holding my heart without touching my skin
Whom I choose to let in and now
β€”I cannot let go
When you decided you hated every pictures I put up on my wall of history
β€”I cannot hate you
Even after you walked over the crown I'm wearing
And what's worst is, you spit on my face, yet I still wake up every dayβ€”choose to fall in love with you even more
I wish I could stop
I wish I could fast forward the time
To that moment when your name won't feel like a blade coming out of my throat
Or when I can rest at night without recalling how you always, always told me to be in my most comfortable position inside your hug before we sleep
I said I was done
Done for what? I'm walking away from you but keep finding myself going round and round you as my heart calling your name like echoes
We do know there are two sides of every story as they said
You hurt me, I hurt you
How we both think we got bruised a little more than another
Was it true? Does it even matter anymore who hurts who when we both are hurting?
Doesn't pain is in accordance with love?
We got hurt cause we love
We love
You loved me
And I loved you
I loved you then
I love you still
This is too much. Falling in love at this age is too much for me to handle cause my brain already picture how forever looks like when my last name changed into yours
I was off guard when you stood there in front of me. You were never on my plan. I surely didn't know I am able to love like this again. To experience this kind of love;
The kind that makes me think of nothing as long as it's you. The love I avoid to have cause I'm always scared of losing. The love that makes me laugh and cry in one single line you speak. The 'I just want to be a koala and you're the tree' kind of love. The love that makes me willing to do crazy **** above my pride cause you’re so much more worth it. The love that changed my insides like someone just explode a grenade in it. The love that makes me see the poetry written all over your tattooed skin as I voice them out through my writing. The love I love deeper than love have allowed to love. I found in you
And I lost it
When I lost you.
Here goes my new project: After J. Please do follow my instagram account for more of my love letters to J
Written by
AM  Jakarta, Indonesia
(Jakarta, Indonesia)   
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