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AM Aug 2015
My tired bones are aching
for the comfort of your blanket arms
you are missing from me
you said I'm your priority
I am losing my senses
as you make me stand on fences
but the funny part is
rather than fall asleep
all of me decided to fall in love instead
AM Aug 2015
I'm still waiting for your impossible call
until the dawn is breaking as so does my heart
AM Jun 2015
I thank God
For leading your footsteps
Crossing mine
For every road He chose
Guiding you to me
For making such beautiful
Combination of a human
For the family
That raised you
For your wishes
That came true
For your pains
That lessened you
For letting you reach
Your 26th years
Happy birthday, Fj
For everyday
And every pray
For you, always
AM Aug 2015
Wouldn't it be nice
to feel your hot breathing
on my cold neck right now
and to smile is as easy
as turning my body to yours?

cause it's 2.44am
where I woke up
finding myself alone
—trembling with the need
to run so fast to where you are

when I know
you're sleeping with someone else
AM Jul 2015
After 26 days
I realize that I was not in the right place
to make any decision for both of us
I also realize that being in love with you
is a choice that I keep on making
every single day
AM Jun 2015
If I can make promises
I can promise you two things
I promise I won't chase you
Or ask you to change your mind
But I also promise
If you ever wake up missing me
If your heart longs for me
If you stare into my eyes
And say that you love me
I promise I will love you
Just the same
AM Jul 2015
But the love itself is less than three
how come there's a she between
you and me?
AM Jun 2015
Is it real?
You love me
And I don't know
That simple line
Has a meaning
That sentence
Could feels
So right
When it flew
Out of your lips
AM Jul 2015
"Hey, come closer"
"We should give it another shot"
AM Aug 2015
"What is it about him?"
He is my change of weather
the snow in my summer
the sunburn in my winter
he spoils my blush-on with tears
of too much laughter or fears,
my roller coaster mood of the year

I hate him enough to leave but
love him too much to walk away
cause my whole world is all
*about him
AM Oct 2015
But my heart is too broken to be broken by you
and I have bleed myself by cutting my skin for you
leaving me neglected is how you rob my value
yet that's just the way you **** me with no clue
AM Sep 2015
I drink until I forget my name but recall yours
I delete your contact but memorize your number
I hate myself because loving you was easier
I deny your love and you deny mine
I cry because you said "this is the last time"
and smile because you said that countless times
AM Apr 2016
my point is
he's impossibly cute
and looks as if he jumped out
of shoujo manga
AM Sep 2015
"Baby, I can't take this no more, I'm leaving"
she stuttered, crying
"But, Darling, I love you, I swear I'll change"
he replied, begging

she knows him well
and he does aswell
he's lying
as she's staying
swallowing his lies
AM Jun 2015
He nurtured
The flowers
With proper love
It could grow
On its own
After he left
AM Oct 2015
Everything will be okay
Time will ease the pain away
I know very well it's hurting me to stay
And the agony is mounting day by day
I need to keep my heart at bay
Though there's a big price I must pay
Maybe I should listen to what they say
Cause everything will be okay
AM Feb 2017
I fell in love with you
Oh have I ever got stumbled this bad
You had and still have the key to my fortress
I am so afraid to change the lock
Cause you might wanna come home
Or thought that the sun burns too hot outside
Or maybe because I simply want you to come back
I want you
Only you
That one particular man;
Who pushed my walls with your tenderness
Quietly holding my heart without touching my skin
Whom I choose to let in and now
—I cannot let go
When you decided you hated every pictures I put up on my wall of history
—I cannot hate you
Even after you walked over the crown I'm wearing
And what's worst is, you spit on my face, yet I still wake up every day—choose to fall in love with you even more
I wish I could stop
I wish I could fast forward the time
To that moment when your name won't feel like a blade coming out of my throat
Or when I can rest at night without recalling how you always, always told me to be in my most comfortable position inside your hug before we sleep
I said I was done
Done for what? I'm walking away from you but keep finding myself going round and round you as my heart calling your name like echoes
We do know there are two sides of every story as they said
You hurt me, I hurt you
How we both think we got bruised a little more than another
Was it true? Does it even matter anymore who hurts who when we both are hurting?
Doesn't pain is in accordance with love?
We got hurt cause we love
We love
You loved me
And I loved you
I loved you then
I love you still
This is too much. Falling in love at this age is too much for me to handle cause my brain already picture how forever looks like when my last name changed into yours
I was off guard when you stood there in front of me. You were never on my plan. I surely didn't know I am able to love like this again. To experience this kind of love;
The kind that makes me think of nothing as long as it's you. The love I avoid to have cause I'm always scared of losing. The love that makes me laugh and cry in one single line you speak. The 'I just want to be a koala and you're the tree' kind of love. The love that makes me willing to do crazy **** above my pride cause you’re so much more worth it. The love that changed my insides like someone just explode a grenade in it. The love that makes me see the poetry written all over your tattooed skin as I voice them out through my writing. The love I love deeper than love have allowed to love. I found in you
And I lost it
When I lost you.
Here goes my new project: After J. Please do follow my instagram account for more of my love letters to J
AM Jun 2015
Any other man can never stand up next to you without stumbling down
AM Jun 2015
You introduced sorrow
And loneliness
And turned them
Into my playmates

You brought comfort
In every sadness
More than I can
Find in happiness

You made me fall
Terribly in love
With tears
Above love itself
AM Mar 2016
***** makes me wanna dance
Tequila makes me **** *****
but Wine, oh sweet Wine
makes me want to get back
to my ex
AM Jun 2015
Sweetie, hey,
Look at your reflection in the mirror
Not your pool of tears

See? you're young and beautiful
Not to mention that gorgeous smile

Yes, I know it hurts
When he chose to forget you
As you promised to remember him

But, Darling, you knew
You always knew
He never gives you his heart

Now, stop being so ******* yourself
Realize that it's neither your fault
Cause heart loves whom it chooses

Yes, you both didn't work out
Or at least that's what he said
But it doesn't mean love wasn't there
In that blink of a time
Love was there

I understand that you want him, only him
But you also need to use your mind
If he crossed your road
Someone else will do too
Eventhough this new guy will have his smile
Or his crooked teeth and sinking cheeks
But he will be able to fall as hard as you will

Baby, forgive yourself
Make peace with fate
Recall the fact that he refused to be the sun
For your white roses
Therefore you should make your own light
And decorate your garden with grace

I promise the right guy is waiting
He might be stuck on some tree right now
But he's around

It's a long tunnel indeed
But it all will be worth every dime

AM Oct 2015
This is bad, i wanna cry again
I wanna cry all the time
over my comparison—jealousy
I'm insecure or probably just being greedy

now show me more, I want more
of you and me, of us, of ours
cause she's choking me for hours,
cause I keep seeing her being yours

so delete her, make her gone
promise me that you're done
give me all or give me none
we both know that I'm the one
AM May 2016
with just a pair of dark eyes
and a heart
he looks at me
like I'm coated
in gold and stars
and loves me
like he just discovered
what love is
in all I am
AM Feb 2016
for I was once a flower
who only finds pain
as the wind and insects
scattered my petals,
****** my sweet honey
now I'd rather buried myself
to where the diamonds sleep
so that only the greatest man
will put efforts, take his time
to find me, to love me
for I was once a flower
who turns into a diamond
and I am bright, alone
AM Mar 2016
I am afraid of showing my love
afraid that he'd run away from me
so I hide it beneath my skin
waiting for him to undress me;
to finally crave me hard enough
that when he sees the love I have for him
he'd refuse anything else but staying
AM Jun 2015
I sense you so close
If your eyes open
Mine will able to see
I am faithful as if
Your caress is the password
To the wall I've sealed
I adore you as solemn sky
Turns the sea crest
Into gold when the sun sets
And I love you
As you will be, as you are,
As it is, and as long
As always
AM May 2015
Okay, you can shout
Maybe my sob was too loud
Fine, punch me to the wall
Maybe just a drop of blood will fall
Alright, kick me when I crawl
Maybe bruises won't make me sprawl
Sure, that was all my fault
Maybe I deserve this assault

Just remember to say sorry
*Cause, you know, I'll forgive you, baby
AM Jun 2015
2 years
Yet the thorn kept me bleeding
The storm screaming still
The hollow remains

I speak,
I laugh,

But I'm empty

Can't you see?
I am not me
I'm just an illusion
Of who you want me to be
A lovely girlfriend
A bestfriend
A girl who's drunk
In her roles

And talking to a tomb
Is keeping me sober
Cause who's in the ground
Is an angel
*My mother
AM Aug 2015
Tell me how does it feel when it's midnight
as the clock turned to zero and so does your fight
how you just feel like sliding down the mountain
after doing all the climb to erase the uncertain
when the shadow is your only best friend
and the nothingness inside drives you insane
tell me how it does it feel when it's midnight
ah, nevermind, you won't ever see another daylight
AM Mar 2016
she doesn't speak love like any other
and she has a very ***** mouth
never expect her to say sayang
—she won't
what she'll say is anjing
so when she calls you anjing,
it means you're a very lucky guy
it also means she's in love with you
and God forbids you make her cry
AM Apr 2016
the end is drawing near
following the love I kept hidden
got itself even more clear
but no place in the future
ever write a slightest hope
about you being in love with me
and I'm running out of cure
for another heartbreak
AM Feb 2016
When the rain pours
I remember our nights
of you, every prepositions of place
and me
then I feel my heart blackened—
painted by our bitter-sweet memories
hoping that another rain
will fall hard enough
to wash away your love for me
AM Jun 2015
Hey, let's play pretend
I'll be the sky
And you'll be the light
You can shine at day
Or mourn at night
But know that I'm here
Giving sunrises and
Painting sunsets
Glittering stars and
Lightning up the moon
For you
AM Aug 2015
I'd like to write a poetry
about how easy it is to reach for your skin
to bow down and get a sweet taste of your sin
to put my insecurity sleeping inside your promises
to fall for you until I scattered into pieces
AM May 2015
I am in love
With April
With its warm rain
And cold sun-ray
I am in love
Until I doubt that
I've ever loved
Anything else
Before April
AM May 2015
My whole body is the blank canvas
And your soft tongue is the brush
Both of us wear nothing tonight
But moans and sighs

Our racing heartbeats
Create pleasure symphony
While the heat and our sweat
Echoes like trumpets

I barely hear Mocca sings
When you breathe louder
Than their guitar strings

Yet when we stick like glue
I can listen to your skin
Screaming 'I love you'

And on your back
My claws draw
Calligraphy and tattoo
Painting 'I love you too'
AM Feb 2016
He paints rainbow
—lights the shooting star
hit me hard like an arrow
left me with the biggest scar
AM May 2015
As long as your beating heart
Is caused by mine
As wide as the Atlantic Ocean
That filled with salt water
As high as Mount Everest
Is impossible to compared
As far as the Sun to Pluto
That takes forever to explore

That is how I love you
I'd risk it all
Just for you
AM Mar 2016
while I lay half asleep on the bed,
I have a blurry vision in my head;
you in white and big smile
while I take steps down the aisle
AM May 2015
Another figure will come
To me—to change me
To love and be loved by me
To be the gasoline for my flame
To be the winner of my game
And he will let me write poetry
Inside his ripped blank pages
With pitch black ink as dark as
His deep lost eyes
And he will read and keep reading
Until he forgot to blink
Like my words and promises are
The alcohol he over drink
AM Feb 2016
there is a world I knew
where time stood still
with the happiness
I built with you

"I like another girl,
you have to let me go"

using a simple line last night
you destroyed that world
until there is no more light
AM May 2015
I treated you like a King
But your heart refused to sing
I treated you like a star
So you took a step back far
I treated you like the sun
Then you said I am no fun

"You are too much,
I cannot handle too much"

Then I sit, inhale deep
And put my feelings
All my feelings for you
*To a deep sleep
AM Dec 2015
he was holding me so tight
to the point where I felt his heat
was suffocating my breathing
that I thought he'd crushed me
the way the sunshine danced
on his skin this morning
lets me know how lucky I am
to be alive inside his arms
AM Jun 2015
So she found a smile
In the ruin of her broken heart
As it turned out
He puzzled up her pieces
And made her
In the most delicate way
No one could ever does
AM Jul 2015
I am wide awake
making an ultimate decision
to stop myself from running back
to you
AM Dec 2015
you're the kind of guy
who always thinks that
it was only natural for me
to stand by your side
but I'm the kind of girl
who finally realizes that
she is so much worth
than just another plan
for you to delay
AM Jun 2015
I am just a tiny girl
Who's afraid of height
But cannot help
To dream so high
I could recognize
Heaven on my finger
And he is everything
But an open door
With too many mysteries
Buried inside his mind
No one has able
To discover
I have the need
To know him
To revealed his colors
To understand his
Stunning thoughts
No matter how the fall
Will caused me chaos
Cause it's amazing
How annoying
His love could do
To cure me
AM Aug 2015
The crowd shouting
and the DJ yelling
to jump or put my hands up
the boombox blaring in my ears
—at least it’s stopping my tears
but I am feeling sleepy
I hate alcohol so I’m drinking Fiji
sitting down and awkwardly lonely
with my mind wondering
how lovely it will be to curled up
inside your warm bed only listening

to the night singing your melody
and fall asleep beside your body
but what a shame
you don’t give that option to me
AM Jul 2015
Has passed
yet I can still recall how the stars aligned when we first say hi
how you answered my question with Craig David singing Rendezvous
"tonight is your night," you said on the dark road that seemed oddly bright
how you willingly opened up my door in a funny way just because I asked you to
how you took my hand after a couple of beers, a long chat, and the last order in that cafe
how the darkest sky turned white with you sitting down in front of me near the beach
how we shared our very first kiss, breakfast, dinner, until the very first morning
waking up to your beautiful brown eyes and the heat from your dutch white skin
I recall the Summer, where my heart melted to your lips whispering Iloveyou
and the Rainy days, when the cold clouds kept you sleeping inside my loving arms

but I also remember
how you broke my heart with all the secrets you hide deeper than my scars
how your words sliced my bones the nights you decided to left me with question marks
how green my eyes turned when you innocently treated her like she meant more than I was
how you pushed the restart button for the bridges you've exploded to ashes

In spite all that, aside from the bitter-sweet journey we have,
this I know for sure;
time has failed to separate parts of you in all of me along with the love I promise to keep
AM Feb 2016
Now I understand
why a baby sleeps faster
inside a hug
because the lullabies
with the softest sound
and such gentle comfort
is one's heartbeat
playing close to our ears
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