Heavy is a mind
That is chained to its past

Heavy is a soul
That knows no way forward

Heavy is a spirit
That keeps running around in circles

Heavy are the eyes
That never stopped shedding tears

Heavy are the ears
That remain slaves to your voice

Heavy are the hands
That knows no other feeling but you

Heavy is the heart
That is struggling to forget everything

Heavy is a person
That drags himself down
To memories that will never
Become a reality

Heavy are his dreams
If these dreams can never be
And will only be
The source of his nightmares

Heavy are the arms
That helplessly linger for yours
Constantly waiting for you
Though never to come back

No more
Please?

I've had enough

Umpisa pa lamang
Alam ko nang gusto kita
Nakita ka pa lamang
Atensyon ko'y nadukot mo na

(From the beginning
I knew I like you
The moment I saw you
You already captured my attention)

Paghawak ng iyong kamay
Pintig ng damdamin ay bumilis
Mga emosyong itinago nuon
Pilit nagpaparamdam muli ngayon

(When I held your hands
Heartbeats in overdrive
Buried emotions in the past
Making themselves felt in the present)

Sa pagpungay ng mga mata
Ako unti-unting nabibighani
At nung akapin sa'yong mga bisig
Tuluyan na kong nahulog

(The way your eyes look at me
Makes me intrigued by the second
And when you wrapped me in your arms
I completely fell, then and there)

Ngunit pag-sinta'y parang walang halaga
Sigla ng unang pagkikita'y unti-unting nawala
Di malaman at mawari ang mga dahilan
Na nang dahil sa nadarama ay pinipilit maintindihan

(But it seemed these feelings hold no value
The passion from our first meeting dwindling
I can't comprehend and identify the reasons why
But because of this love I feel, I still try)

Pilit tinitiis ang mga pighati
Kahit unti-unting nadudurog ang puso
Aanhin ang dignidad na patapon
Kung puso'y hindi marunong umibig

(Enduring the searing pain
Even if my heart is crushed
Setting aside my meaningless pride
If I don't know how to love right)

Siguro'y nagiging makasarili
Ngunit lahat ay binago at binigay
Lahat ay tinitiis damhin
Kahit na lungkot ay di mapawi

(Maybe I'm being selfish
But I changed and gave my everything
I endured all the ill feelings
Even if the loneliness doesn't go away)

Bakit hindi pa yun sapat?
Para ika'y sumugal sa akin?
Nangako ng pag-ibig na di magbabago
Kahit ang mundo natin ay tuluyang maglaho

(Why is it not enough?
For you to take a chance with me?
I promised you a constant, stable love
Even if our world crumbles to dust)

Naghihintay sa iyong pagbalik
Mula sa malayong dako kung san naroon
Ang puso **** labis nang nasasaktan
At takot nang umibig muli

(Waiting for your fateful return
From that far, hidden place where
Your broken and beaten heart is
That lost all hope in love)

Ialay ang pusong nagdurugo
Kapalit ng puso kong gusto kang mahalin
At nang lahat ng sakit ay aking akuin
At nang maibalik natin ang ngiting mailap

(Exchange with me your bleeding heart
With mine that anticipates to love yours
To share with me the burden of your pain
And bring back the elusive smile on your face)

Mahal kita umpisa pa lamang
Mamahalin kita kahit masakit
Lulunukin ang dangal at dignidad
Sa pagsusumamong ikaw ay maging akin

(I loved you from the very beginning
And I will love you still amidst the pain
I will swallow my pride and dignity
In this arduous quest to make you mine)

Sana matapos na ang ating paglalaro
Ang tagu-taguang walang patutunguhan
Panalangin kay Bathala sana'y marinig
Ang pusong nagsusumamo'y sana yakapin muli

(I pray for the little games to end soon
This hide-and-seek that seems meaningless
Dear God, hear my prayers and pleas
Of the heart that yearns be embraced again)

Gising na naman ng alas dos ng gabi
Hinihingal at pinagpapawisan ng sobra
Mula sa isang bangungot ako’y nagising
Nagising sa katotohanang parang bangungot din.
Hindi mapigilang bumuhos ang mga luha
Puno ng hinagpis mula sa kahapong mapait
Bawat hikbi at buntong-hininga pilit pinipigil
Habang nagkukumahog hanapin ang nawawala

Damdaming nagtitimpi ay biglang pumutok
Mga emosyong rumagasa ng walang habas
Mula sa nasirang prinsa ng aking puso
Umaagos papunta sa mga matang ayaw tumahan
Hinahanap-hanap pa rin ang ‘yong haplos
Pati mga halik na ibinuhos sa aking mga labi
Unti-unting nawawala ang wangis mo sa ating kama
Ang kamang nilisan mo nung ako’y iniwan mo

Gabi-gabing iniisip ang mga dahilan
Kung bakit dun pa sa ating kalungkutan
Bigla mo na lang akong isinantabi’t iniwan
Kahit pa nangako tayo ng walang hanggan
Hinahanap-hanap pa rin ang ‘yong anino
Mga bakas ng kahapong gustong balikan
Ngunit kahit kailanman at ano man ang gawin
Hinding-hindi ko na muling mararanasan

Sana’y naririnig ang mga sigaw ng puso
Na nagtitiis sa sakit habang nangungulila sa’yo
Sana’y marinig muli ang mga salitang
“Mahal kita” mula sa’yong mga labi
Kaya nandito pa rin ako sa ating dulo
Inaantay ang malabong pagbabalik mo
Kahit ang puso’y nawawalan na ng pag-asa
Pilit hinihiling ang katuparan ng mga “sana”

Pag-ibig ko’y iyo pa rin
Nag-aantay sa kamang unti-unting nilalamig
Ang mga bisig na ang tanging nais
Ang yakapin at hagkan kang muli

As snowflakes fell
You made your way towards me
You were glowing under
The silver rays of moonlight
Running towards me
As I stood still
Left breathless and steady
As you catch me in your embrace

I know I can't resist
I know you'll never let me
No matter how much
We remind ourselves that
This relationship is so wrong
I guess we just can't
Help being in love with
Each other's psychotic tendencies

If you only knew about
The war raging inside me
This conflict that slowly kills me
Whenever I confront this truth
That no matter how much
We try to adjust things
We were never even made
For each other in the first place

You clung to me tightly
Never wanting to let go
Tears falling down your face
Irresistible even in your saddest phase
I'm on the edge with you
Desiring you more than ever
Even when the world tells me
That we're totally bad for each other

You sink your nails on my arms
Hastily pulling my face to yours
Kissing me viciously sweet
Like the sweetest poison for me
And even when it hurts
Even when it makes me go insane
Even when I know its all lustful wanting
Everything you do to me feels so right

Tonight is a dangerous night
Lust hides beneath the passion
Love blurred by wanton desire
And yet I still want you to stay
The violent beasts that we truly are
Waiting to surface and be unleashed
As bodies dripping in cold sweat
Collide in a destructive union

You are my sweetest poison
You are my deadliest desire
No matter how much they say otherwise
You are the one I wrongfully chose

I sing sweet whispers of affection
Offer only the best to catch your attention
I ask you, oh radiant goddess of Olympus
May I humbly be the one you choose

For eons your heart suffered
Your trust tampled and discarded
Your coveted love easily forgotten
Leaving you in pain, down and broken

Oh goddess, queen of Olympia
Shine your light towards me
Look at my growing affections, I pray
Embrace my devotion, and the words I say

I don't want to be the Zeus you loathe
Nor the offered champions who eventually leave you
Instead I simply am a mortal admirer
Enamoured by you, my eyes only seeking you

I don't want to be the one who hurts you
I simply want to devote myself completely to you
So I pray for a future that you will see me
As I have chosen to seek the world just for you

Oh Hera, beautiful yet broken soul
I promise you a lifetime of Love
Just to give you smiles everyday
And to be your pillar and strength

In my simplest mortal words, I love you
Regardless of your flaws and your iniquities
In my simplest mortal ways, I'll love you
Through all the ages, no matter what stands in our way

So please, Let me choose to stay
Because your mere presence is my heaven
Your embrace my sturdy, protective walls
Your kisses the nectar and ambrosia that sustains me

Oh Hera, goddess of my affections
Please see me as where you fit
I'll stay here until you're ready to choose
Because in all this chaos, I vow to treasure you

I need a mask
To hide the fears
Ensnaring my heart

I need a mask
To hide the feelings
I still have for you

I need a mask
To hide my anxieties
While talking to you again

I need a mask
To hide my frustrations
Over being not over you

I need a mask
To hide the chaos
That lingers in my broken solace

I need a mask
To hide the tears
And show you a false smile

I need a mask
To hide the screams
That I suppress in my lungs

I need a mask
To hide my weakness
So that you'll never see

I need a mask
To avoid my fears
Of seeing you happy
While I drown in my misery

I need a mask
To create a masterpiece
That fools me into thinking
I'm gonna be okay

I need a mask
To hide the fact
That until now
Nobody can replace you

I need a mask
To avoid confronting
These unavoidable emotions
Telling me that I still love you

I need a mask
To avoid everything about you
To keep my sanity in check
Even when insanity eats me away

I need a mask
To hide me from your world
So that someday
I may forget you

I need a mask
But which one should I wear
When I'm confronted with the truth
That you'll never come back to me?

It took me just one look
Just one unexpected happenstance
To change the path I walk on
And let my heart take control of me

I was an unassuming guy
Who people would often only pass by Staying only in the background
Afraid to be exposed on the limelight

You were a sweet summer sunshine
Who makes any man look twice
Confident and beautiful, radiant as sunlight
You're a once in a lifetime jackpot, a needle in the haystack

But loneliness devours you
People took advantage of you
You're sweetly kind demeanor abused
And you were left and torn to pieces

Nevertheless I took a chance
I vowed to make you smile perpetually
Pick up the pieces and repair what's left
Shape it and make it feel something new

No matter your past iniquities
Nor your present insecurities
No matter what scarred you deeply
Nevertheless, you'll always have me

Nevertheless I'll stay honest and true
Nevertheless I'll stay madly in love with you
Nevertheless I'll try to ease the hurt and pain
Nevertheless you'll always be a precious gain

You are the one my eyes see
Not your past nor your future
Regardless of what made or broke you
I fell in love, deeply and truly with you

I'm in love with you regardless
I may never know any reason why
But I do know that my heart and soul
Body and spirit, they all belong to you

Ilang linggong puro nakaw ang sulyap sa'yo
Ilang araw na walang hinangad kundi pansinin mo
Ilang beses nang nilalapitan at pilit na nagsusumamo
Ilang beses pa bang magpapapansin para sa atensyon mo?

Hindi ko alam kung saan ako magsisimula
Hindi ko rin alam kung lahat ba ng ito ay tama
Ang tanging pinanghahawakan ay ang lakas ng loob
Ang aking hiling ay tanging maging sa'yo

Sa bawat araw na hinirang ng Maykapal
Sa bawat pintig ng puso, ngalan mo ang sinisigaw
Sa impyernong ito na ating ginagalawan
Ikaw ang tanging langit sa aking buhay na kawalan

Ako'y sa'yo, nais kong malaman mo
Ako'y sa'yo, sana'y pagbigyan ako
Ako'y sa'yo, hayaan **** ibigin kita
Ako'y sa'yo, sa lungkot at sa ligaya

Tanging sa'yo, lumipas man ang mahabang panahon
Tanging sa'yo, sa bawat pagdapa at sa bawat pagbangon
Tanging sa'yo, magunaw man ngayon ang mundo
Tanging sa'yo, at sa'yo lamang ang puso ko

Ikaw ang ilaw sa madilim kong landas
Ang parolang gabay sa bagyong malakas
Ikaw ang laman ng damdaming puno ng lakas
Ikaw din ang kahinaan, ang pag-ibig na wagas

Tandaan mo na kahit saan man mapunta
Kahit saan mapadpad at ako man ay maligaw
Sa libong tula at liham na aking isusulat
Tanging ngalan mo ang laman, tanging ikaw

Ang gusto lang makamit ay ang 'oo' **** matamis
At mamahalin kita sa habang buhay ng labis-labis
Hindi man perpekto, magkaron man ng mga mintis
Basta't ikaw ang kasama, lahat ng problema'y matitiis

Ako'y sayo, aking uulit-ulitin
Ako'y sa'yo, ika'y kukulit-kulitin
Ako'y sa'yo sa hirap at ginhawa
Ako'y sa'yo, dahil mahal kita

Bodies colliding
Sweat dripping
Lips vigorously kissing
Biting what it can
Mapping every inch
Touching every nook
Cherishing every cranny
In a messy dance

It's coming
That burst of emotions
Desired and untamed
Taking mind and body
Into absolute bliss
Into unholy pleasure
Into carnal ecstasy
I can't control it

Your wet thighs
Latched on to mine
Locked in place
Never wanting to separate

Pulling me closer
Locking me deeper
Squeezing me tighter
My mind turns blank

Moving faster
Thrusting deeper
Fcking wilder
Loving harder

Every push and pull
Every sweat and breath
Every touch of tongue
Melting my brain away

Struggling together
Fcking like hell
Until we reach ******
Until heaven

-J

Time froze
As your eyes met mine
Gravity felt heavier
As I moved towards you
Chest about to burst
When I heard that innocent laugh
Heart in palpitations
As you made your way to me

You are a natural head turner
I could feel their jealous stares
As a bright star like you
Heads on a collision course towards me
My heart almost jumping out
With every little step you take
My throat dried of words
As I tried to talk to you

As the conversations grew deeper
And the night grew more intimate
You took me by surprise
When you held my sweating palms
I knew where this was heading
And little by little the anticipation fades
As reality unfolds what happens next
Then and there I took the chance

My mind was melting
When your soft lips touched mine
My brain went haywire
When you pulled me even more
My lungs felt breathless
When I pulled you in for a second time
You suprised me even further
When you whispered what happens next

You took me by the hand
As we walked in the hallway
Giggling childishly
As we opened the door to your room
My mind went blank
As you took me to your bed
Every muscle in overdrive
As you pulled me down towards you

You guided my hands
As I took off your every clothing
You gently caressed my head
As I kissed from point to point
Sweetly kissing every inch of you
Made my heartbeats erratic
Wanting even more of you
Loving every taste of you

I can't stop myself
From getting addicted to you
As you gave me your all
And I gave you mine
Bodies colliding and sweaty
Making love in this dimly lit room
Thrusting my everything into you
Like its the last night of our lives

Your every movement
Sending shivers down my spine
Your heavy breathing
Raising the hairs on my nape
Your honest moans
Felt like music to my ears
Your warm and wet kisses
Sending me into paradise

Tangled in your arms
As we try to reach the end
The innocence slowly fading
As the encounter grew more intense
Your kisses becomes wilder
Almost leaving me suffocating
Bodies becoming more synchronized
As the ****** comes to pass

Dawn illuminates the room
As I ponder last night's memories
With you sleeping under the messy sheets
Your petite body resting on top of me
God I wish to never forget
That once in a lifetime chance
That crazy one night romance
That wild girl who took my heart with her

I knew this was a one time thing
I knew this was only a physical love
And yet I still want to take a chance
To jump and take a leap of fate
To give in to my pleasures and desires
To love viciously and decide on my own
To fall in love regardless of how I met her
To cherish her for the rest of my life

I can't let this chance come to pass
I cemented this silly resolve of mine
I knew this collision course will lead me to ruin
But I don't care, I just want to be with you
You opened your still bewitching eyes
It still left me lovestruck and breathless
And when you flashed that killer smile
My mind went to a blank state

"Can I still get your number?"
Blurted out my stupid mouth
I said it without even thinking
Knowing that it may never turn out well
You stared at my dumb self
Chuckled sweetly for a bit
What surprised me the most
Was how you answered with just one smile.

‘Heto na naman tayo’t nagbabangayan
Parating nagtatapat na magkabilang panig
Sinusubukang amuhin ang galit na nadarama
Pinipilit ayusin ang matagal nang nasira
Nandiyan ka na naman sa iyong sulok
Hindi mapigilang umiyak at magmukmok
Ako nama’y nandito sa kabilang dako
Pinupulot ang mga bubog na iyong binato

Ang mga sugat na matagal nang naghilom
Muli na namang binuksan ng mga sakit ng kahapon
Bakit pa ba natin binabalikan ang nakaraan?
Ang gusto ko lang naman ay ang ‘tayo’ ng kasalukuyan
Ngunit sa bawat titig na iyong binibitawan
Para bang ramdam mo pa rin ang sakit na ako ang pinagmulan?
Ano pa ba ang dapat kong gawin?
Para tuluyan mo na akong patawarin?

Isang patawad na paulit-ulit na lang sinasambit
Isang patawad na matagal na dapat pumawi ng galit
Ngunit sadyang ganon yata talaga ang tindi ng sakit
Kung kaya’t ang pagsusumamo ay dadahan-dahanin at ‘di na ipipilit
Mula sa nakalalasong relasyon ika’y aking pinalalaya
Sige na’t humayo ka, bumangon at humanap ng ikasasaya
Mahirap para sa akin na ika’y bitiwan na parang wala
Ngunit ito’y ginawa dahil kahit ganon ay mahal pa rin kita

Isang rason lang ang aking sasabihin
Isang rason na sana’y di mo limutin
Sa pagdating ng tamang oras sana ako’y maalala mo rin
At ang pag-ibig na pinanghahawakan ang maging tulay para ika’y bumalik sa akin

I'm in a trance..

My knees are shaking
My throat choking on words
My face beaded with sweat
My mind in a chaotic state

Here I am..

Wearing this heart of mine
On a sleeve of uncertainty
The words trying to come out
From this stomach filled with butterflies

How do I say this?

Ever since that day we met
You already caught my attention
My eyes we're looking towards you
With every little thing you do

Everyday you sparkled..

Like stars in a dark night sky
Every little thing about you
Set sparks in my ******, depressing life
Little cinders slowly burning my anxieties away

Until I was set ablaze..

Consuming every bit of me
Occupying my every thought
And before I was aware of it
You pulled my heart towards you

It consumes me..

This insanity I call ''you''
It makes me writhe in pain
But also eases my sorrows
Burning me to my core

I'm going crazy..

I never even planned this
To fall in love with my best friend
But the more time we spent together
Made me realize that I always wanted you

It's not an easy thing..

To tell you that you consume me
And that I want you to be mine
And I, to be yours only
To be more than what we have now

I want to take you..

And lead you towards an uncertainty
That may completely destroy what this is
But the only thing I know for certain is
That these feelings are real and overflowing

So..

Here I am terrified
Giving my heart to you
Whether you break it or throw it away
Know that from this day on
I declare to the world
That I want to us to be more
Than what we are now
And that this heart that I give
Will always belong to you

Writing this piece not with my mind but my heart,
Not with my thoughts, but with my feelings
It's not easy to say
but I wanna say it anyway

I love you.

If you only knew
How much I've been keeping it in
Maybe you could cut me some slack
And leave me to my thoughts

If you only knew
The feelings in my wavering heart
That no matter how much I resist
They're eating me away slowly

If you only knew
How much I want to apologize
For keeping myself at bay and distant
Because I might never want to let go

If you only knew
Why I'm doing things to hurt you
Acting indifferent despite being close
Resisting feelings that I shouldn't feel

If you only knew
How much I'm falling in love
With everything and all about you
Wanting to break the status quo

If you ever find out
That I've been hiding these feelings
To keep this bond between us
Would you rather stay?

If only you would stay
I really hope you won't leave
But if you really do
This may be the last time
That I admit to you
That after all this time
And after all this pain
After all that ignorance
And all that silence
All the wrongdoings
And all the mistreatment
I love you
And pushing you away
Asking God to take away these feelings
Away from my fragile heart
To save what we have
So that I could keep you still
Even when we're far apart

Living life with no regrets
Loving fiercely and passionately
Making the most of our mortal lives
In living fully on borrowed time

It comes once in a lifetime
A love that consumes us
Burning our very cores
Melding both body and soul

Often times we feel the pain
More so than feeling the pleasure
But I guess that's how love works
Eternal devotion to the one you choose

If given the chance to relive my life
To make all my wrongs right and correct
I'd rather relive it the way it is
And lead me to you the same way it did

If given the chance to choose again
Out of the billions of people in the world
I'd rather choose you and be broken by you again
Than to have never met and loved you at all

I'd rather love you
Than to love anyone else
Since you complete my life
And I, yours

The world may be against us
Star-crossed lovers in a vast uncertainty
But hear me when I say
That I choose you against the world
Because all this time
You became the world to me
You are the world I choose
Even if Destiny is against it
Even if Fate doesn't approve of it
Even if Eternity frowns upon it
My heart screams for your name
No matter how much my mind tells me
"NO"
I'll love you 'til the end of time
With a resounding
"YES"

Its 3:30 in the morning
My eyes bloodshot and wide awake
My mind in a confused trance
My chest running out of breath
My heart growing heavier by the minute

Desperately going for my keys
Wallet on hand, phone in my pocket
I think I need a drive just for tonight
To chase where my mind goes
And clear the thoughts off my head

My hands trembling in panic
My eyes stealing focus on the road
Limbs on automatic as my mind wanders
I guess a trip to get some alcohol
Would help calm my nerves down

Took a sip while heading to Lord knows where
Holding back my tears as I run around in circles
I don't know where I'm heading, I just kept on driving
My heart in a constant state of agony
As I found myself stopping at your front door

Bursting into tears when I realized
Where I sought to find some comfort
In your arms I've always felt at ease
But this time it feels so different
When the same arms are the ones hurting me

I know I agreed to wait for you
Wait for you to fully open your heart to me
I even said I'd wait against all the odds
Just to earn the chance to win your heart
But why do I feel miserable at this moment?

You seemed so close to me
Well within my hands' reach
You shower my body with your embrace
And nurture my lips with your kisses
Yet why do you feel so distant?

No matter how much I try to run to you
You keep on pushing me farther away
No matter how much I try to break your walls
You keep on setting up newer, stronger barriers
Sometimes I can't keep up with your thoughts

You leave me dazed and confused
And yet you still make me feel loved
You make me believe that this could be concrete
Yet you can't put words on how much I mean to you
I don't know how to respond to any of this

You make me feel at ease in adversity
And yet sometimes you're confusing to me
A source of both my serenity and sweet agony
You're an addiction that may be bad for my being
And yet I still offer to you my everything

You drove me in a crossroad I can't avoid
You want me to stay and yet you freely let me go
So now I'm in a dilemma I can't imagine to escape
Because even as all the signs point to danger
Here I am, still driving, still going towards you

I'll keep on driving towards where you are
No matter how near or no matter how far
People may say that I'm idiotic and crazy
But regardless I stand by the routes I choose
And amidst all the traffic, I'll chase the elusive wind called you

Those simple, honest smiles
That leaves my lungs breathless
That noisy, heart-felt laughter
That leaves my chest bursting with joy
Those innocent, striking eyes
That render every muscle in me helpless
Those subtle, soft whispers
That feels like music to my ears
Your warm and fuzzy embrace
That I look forward to all day

They bring my frozen heart
closer to melting point
They make me fall from my heaven
fast down to your earth
They pull me closer by the minute
to wanting to stay with you
They give life to my nightly dreams
of getting pulled towards your gravity

I want to chase your heart
catch it and make it mine
As you chased mine
and made it yours
The world may be imperfect
but you are my taste of heaven
Everything may feel wrong
but you're the only thing that feels right
I won't ask for anything else
because I am content
of getting closer
to you

Nung ika’y umalis at lumisan
At ako’y iwanan ng tuluyan
Tanging sinabi sa sarili ko
Kaya ko ‘to

Nung nalamang ika’y nag-iisa
At ako’y pilit na nagpapakasaya
Sambit ng pusong nagpapalakas
Kaya ko ‘to

Nung bawat sakit ay pilit bumalik
Bawat pagkukulang at bawat pasakit
Tinibayan ang loob at sinabing
Kaya ko ‘to

Nung sumagi sa isip ang bawat alaala
Sa bawat ngiti at bakas ng ligaya
Pilit kong pinagiisipan
Kaya ko ‘to?

Nung ika’y hinahanap ng puso
Sinisigaw sa bawat pintig nito
Naguguluhan na ako
Kaya ko ba?

Nung nakikita kang masaya sa iba
At sinampal sakin ang katotohanang
Hindi ka na babalik pa
Kaya ko pa ba?

Nung napagtanto na ika’y mahal pa
At sakin ay ayaw kang mawala
Gusto kong isigaw sa mundo
Hindi ko kaya ‘to

Nung sa’yo ay nagsusumamo
Nakikiusap na muling maging tayo
Ngunit tuluyang binitiwan na ako
Hindi ko na kaya ‘to

Nung ika’y masaya na sa kanya
At ako’y nilimot sa pag-iisa
Tanging lumabas sa aking paghinga
Ayoko ng ganito

Ngayong tuluyan ka nang nawala
Bakas mo ay pilit hinuhugasan
Ngayon ko dapat isiping
“Kaya ko ‘to”

Sana’y makabangon na sa aking pagbagsak
Tumungkod sa sariling mga paa at ituloy ang landas
Pilit pinapaalala sa pusong nasawi
Kakayanin ko ‘to

Babangong muli sa bagong umaga
Gigising sa katotohanang wala ka na
Lalakad ng mag-isa kahit masakit
Lahat ng ito’y pilit kakayanin

I think I'm going insane
My heart is jumping in my chest
My mind is in a psychedelic rush
My body in an uncontrollable addiction

With one look from those eyes
All my prohibitions are dropped
These feelings are growing stronger
Growing more potent than any drug

Your scent is an insatiable craving
Your lips tastes better than bourbon
Kissing every inch of you feels the best
Giving me a better high than
any marijuana

You leave me in a submissive trance
Every touch of your skin tingles
Sending shocks down my spine
I'm losing myself deeper into you

Your subtle moans growing louder
Playing like sweet music in my ears
As I slide down kissing every inch of you
Slowly working my way between your thighs

The way you caress my hair gives me goosebumps
Softly pulling my head towards pleasure
Leading me to your most sensitive spots
As you succumb to your wildest desires

Your wanting eyes pull me deeper
Your greedy lips devouring my own
Giving me no ample time to breathe
And yet I still want more of you

You give me a trip like no other
Our bodies colliding like wild animals
The way your nails puncture my skin
Leaves me in a high sense of euphoria

Every ****** goes deeper and deeper
Every kiss gets wetter and wetter
These raging emotions bringing us closer
Taking us to a ****** unlike any other

My body is in a lustful overdrive
My mind in a hallucinating blank
As our bodies keep on clashing all over
Finally reaching that ultimate high

This carnal love keeps on consuming us
Why do we bother to avoid something so good?
Your body feels more addictive than any drug
You lips the strongest aphrodisiac I need

I can't get enough of you
I'll always want more of you
This love is a greater addiction
Than anything I've ever had

Please give me more

I quit
I quit this mediocrity called Life
This existence filled with paradoxes
This life which lacks any form of happiness
These days that are filled with suffering

I quit
I quit this depression that eats me
This sadness that has long plagued me
This hatred that drives my every day
This angst that hovers over my head

I quit
I quit this stupid blaming game
Where I never took an ounce of responsibility
Where I hide behind flawed reasoning
Where I let my flowery tongue do my ***** work

I quit
I quit this pursuit of temporary happiness
Where I let Chance give or take control of me
Where I blindly wait for fruitless promises
Where I let this unfair Life give me anxieties

I QUIT
I QUIT THIS STUPID GAME
I QUIT FROM EVERYTHING THAT CONTROLS ME
From now on I am master of my fate
I am the captain of my ship
I alone pursue what I want
and not let anything come by chance
I will take responsibility for my actions
and take all the blame for my iniquities
I will not let anxiety take hold of me
and free my mind from all negativity
I will give up the pursuit of false joy
and in exchange pursue true wisdom
That this life is not as complicated
as what I thought it was.
That this life is just a simple struggle
and will only yield to those who are strong
Strong in mind and heart
Those willing to recognize and accept all weaknesses
and to change and convert them to strength

Whoever sits upon Heaven's Throne
Give me the courage to resign from this "Life"
and give me the strength and will
To start the change that I always wanted in me

Rays of sunlight shining dimly at dawn
Slowly illuminating the fading night sky
Stars becoming invisible as morning comes
As cirrus clouds streak the early morning skies

Morning traffic jams slowly building up
Quiet streets waking up with blaring car horns
Sidewalks brimming with people in transit
As the sleeping city slowly comes to life

Amidst all that chaotic, monotonous cycle
I find myself gazing at your sleeping face
Listening to your soft, gentle breathing
Entangled cozily in my embrace

Your tranquil snoring feels like music to my ears
Your calm face etched in my most beautiful memories
My hands can't stop from touching your gentle cheeks
As I contemplate if should I kiss your lips good morning

I just want to stay under these soft bed sheets
Staying with you here,  entrenched in your soothing warmth
Pretending to be asleep, waiting for your morning kisses
While pulling you back from the cold to my greedy, wanting arms

These are the mornings I want to wake up to
These are the mornings that I pray for everyday
Dear God, please don't let her wake up yet
Let me just stay and stare at this small piece of heaven

I've prayed for you for a very long time
And in my search I may have been unfair to you
I may have done these with other people before
But this time, I know, nothing beats these mornings with you

So I'm sorry
If I didn't wait before
I'm sorry
If I never stayed faithful
I'm sorry
If I was in a wasteful haste
I'm sorry
If you were never my firsts

But now
I thank God for leading me to you
Now
I thank God for staying faithful
Now
I thank God for His mysterious ways
Now
I thank you, for waiting to be my last

These are the mornings that I want to wake up to
These are the mornings that I wanna live for
So please, If time can just stop for a few more minutes
I just want to savor how blessed I am to be with you

I love you with all my heart
I love you with all my soul
Stay in my arms, let's leave the world be itself
Sleep in my bed, let's stay here for a little more time

You come and you go
Leaving and then returning
Like the wild, free wind

You comfort my heart
Then take it away with you
Like a thief at night

People come and go
That's how Life is
Everyday is a chance to meet
Or maybe not

Even so, people come
Some like the stars in the night
Twinkling and flickering
Under the blackness of the void
Shining a bit of light
That once you see
You may forget
They number a lot
Just passing through
Like cars in a highway
Suddenly gone so fast
And then you just forget

But some come
And suddenly decide to stay
Shining slowly like dawn
Then brightly like midday
Completely lighting up
The dark and dreadful nightlife
Someone that acts
As a beam of light
That takes your breath away
And you can't be without
Staying in your mind
And in your heart
Affecting your whole life
For the rest of time

But even suns can burn out
They may be hot to touch
Some may even hurt you
Or even destroy you completely
And reduce you to nothingness
Once they go supernova
So sometimes it may sound
Even better if
They stayed far away
And had never met you at all
Because after all
Suns are just stars
You're just in their zone
Either their zone of life
Or zone of destruction

Hope you made the right choice..

Sa lamig ng hanging sumisipol sa gabi
Init ng iyong mga yakap ang iniisip
Sa mga umagang nasisikatan ng araw
Bakas ng iyong mga yapos ang hinahanap

Labis-labis kitang hinahanap
Ang lambot ng iyong mga kamay
Habang nakakapit sa akin
Pilit hinihingi ng pusong nagdaramdam

Panginoon, akin pong dalangin
Magisnang muli hindi sa panaginip
Ang kanyang mga matang nangugusap
Ng kanyang matamis na pag-ibig saakin

Akin pong hinihiling ng mataimtim
Ang madama ang kanyang yakap na mahigpit
At madampian ng kanya mga labi
Na pumapayo sa puso kong nag-aamok

Akin pong ipinagsusumamo
Ang muling marinig ang kanyang tinig
Ang boses na matamis pakinggan
Na nagpapakalma sa aking damdamin

Panginoon, akin pong hinihiling
Ang mahagkan ang minamahal ko
Ang nagkukulay ng buhay ko
At ang pag-ibig kong matamis

Sana'y ika'y mahagkan na muli
Marinig ang iyong boses na nagpapasaya sa akin
Makasama muli sa hirap at lungkot
At magpasalamat sa mga biyaya at saya ng buhay

Mahal ko, lagi ika'y nasa isip
Kailanman, hindi ko ipapahamak
Ang pag-ibig na ipinaglaban at hiningi
Niluhuran at binuhusan ng luha

Mahal ko, nasaan ka na?
Sana'y magbalik ka na
Sa mga bisig na hinahanap ka
Sa pusong tahanan mo

Staring into the midnight skyline
Underneath the faded starlight
Cold winds caressing my face
Wooly blanket warming my shoulders

My thoughts wandering in the abyss
Skipping among the wispy clouds
Trying to reach for the brightest stars
Only to fall back into the expansive void

My heart is in melancholia
My mind in aching nostalgia
My chest tightened in a knot
My eyes in a sleepless trance

Take me back to the olden days
The days filled with loving warmth
When I melt from your every kiss
And I succumb to your cozy embrace

Take me back to the bygone nights
The nights filled with untethered passion
When your touch stirs my broken soul
Mending its tangles, soothing its core

Oh how I pray every night
Pleading with the Powers that be
Asking Them for your return
Even if its only in my dreams

Oh God, please take me back
To the eyes that were my mirrors
To the arms that were my hearth
To the love that was my home

Please bring me back
Bring me back to my home
To my love that was taken away
To the missing half of my soul

Please bring me back
To the love that quenches my thirst
To the heart that yearns only for me
To you

I miss you

-J

I'm tired.

A candle slowly melting
When the flames eat me away,
Burning brightly as I can,
Amidst the growing darkness.

I'm broken.

A flower blooming in winter
As the cold freezes me over,
Opening my arms to heaven
Amidst the harshest blizzards

I'm depleted.

A wanderer in the middle of nowhere
As the world grew bigger before me,
Trying to find my way home
Even when the world is against me.

Enough.
Let me take my rest.
Let me sleep in the winter
Let me lie in the darkness
Let me make my home elsewhere
I'm simply human
Flawed and bruised
Lost and afraid
Trying to be the best that I could be
Even when everyone is against me.

Let me sleep
Let me rest
Amidst this unending storm
Let me surrender
To the waves and the wind
Let me find peace
Even when there is none
I'm simply human
And I'm tired.

Gabi-gabing tinitiis ang lamig
Ng pusong binibigo ng pag-ibig
Unti-unting bumibitaw ang mga kamay
Sa relasyong unti-unti na ring namamatay

Sa bawat bitaw ng buntong-hininga
Kalakip ang malaking panghihinayang
Sa bawat luha na tumulo mula sa mata
Kalakip ang mga alaalang puno ng lumbay at ligaya

Pilit mang itulog na lang ang lahat
Pilit mang ibaon ang sakit sa limot
Pilit mang magpakalunod sa nadaramang lungkot
Sadyang hindi magawa ng pusong nayayamot

Kailan kaya gigising sa umaga
Na kayang tanggaping wala ka na?
Kailan kaya gagalaw muli ang oras
Na tumigil nung bigla kang nawala?

Kailan maghihilom ang mga sugat
Na dulot ng mga hinagpis ng kahapon?
Kailan kaya ako makakalimot ng lubos
Para puso'y matutunang umibig muli?

Bathalang Maykapal na sa langit ay nagmamasid
Dinggin ang aking mga panalangin ng hinagpis
Ako po'y nagsusumamo't dumudulog sa inyo
Pawiin ang lungkot na pinagdurusahan ko

O Pag-ibig na mahirap mahagilap
Na hanggang ngayo'y nananatiling mailap
Sana'y ang susunod siya na ang huli
Ang babaeng makatatagal sa aking mga bisig

That steamy weather
That moist air
Your addictive kisses
Your lingering touch
Your mesmerizing eyes
Your porcelain body
Your seductive curves
The way you hold me
And cherish me in your arms
The way you smile at me
And how it takes me away
How it blew my mind
And dulled my senses
I wish I could press rewind

How vivid it was for me
Everything you made me feel
And yet how come I alone
Have these memories of you and me?

I sit alone in front of the campfire,
My eyes glancing at the dancing flame
Imagining life without my only desire
And for my loss I'm the one to blame

In my slumber, I traveled back in time
Locked in a nightmare, I longed to escape
My mind haunted by the sound of the chime
And a cold chill grasps on to my nape

A Dream or Reality? I asked in despair,
Hoping that this is all in my head, all this fear
I just want this gone, I didn't even care
Just remove this curse in me that only I can hear

Moments of torture and hatred suddenly disappeared
In the back of my head I thought, a moment of peace
Yet the night grew darker, and my hope was shattered
A ghostly maiden from my past, weakened me with ease

Salvation was out of sight,
I choose to stay and fight,
Yet the shadows held me tight,
But no longer will I give in to fright

With all my strength I struggled to get free
And ran away from my haunting past
Insanely, I ran as my life flashed before me
And I was wondering, redemption at last?

I jumped towards the sky, pleading for it to take me
I felt invincible, untouchable, full of power and strength
And with one final battle cry, I plunged into the sea
At last, freedom came to me with one last breath

My life is an ocean, full of sadness and pain
Yet within its depths I found eternal peace
Within the underworld my soul sleeps and satisfaction I gained
As fast as the waves of the ocean, all my agony released

Help me I'm falling
Closing in to your heart
Bewitched by your charms
Chasing you in my dreams

I'm in a freefall
Diving to your core
Caught by your gravity
Bracing for impact

No brakes this time
Falling a hundred miles per hour
Faster than the speed of sound
Momentum too strong

I want more by the second
More of your girlish charms
More of your gleaming smiles
and your piercing eyes

I'm in a free fall
Diving into more of you
Closing in on your core
Trying to make you mine

I know its wrong
I know I stand no chance
But every time I close my eyes
Your face replays on my mind

And I can't help but dream
Dreaming of holding you in my arms
So even though they say its wrong
It feels more than right for me

They tell me to go somewhere else
But my compass leads me to you
No matter who they choose for me
I still want to be yours and choose you

Like a child on the run
Going to where he desires
I can't help but want to fall
Fall for someone who makes me smile

Help me I'm falling
Falling for the dreams of my heart
Let me make the dreams of yours
A reality we both play a part

To that sweetest belle
That touched my life
It's been one year since then
When you walked in my life
As graceful as a summer sun
And showed me a way
And a new place
To spread my wings
Where I can express
The truest me
And where I can truly be
Free

Thank you..

The crackling bonfire sings a lullaby
Singing in sync with the humming wind
The crashing waves joining the symphony
As the moon and stars put up a light show

Cicadas join the fray in chorus
As the palm trees sway in a dance
The space in between us growing closer
Our hearts booming like drumbeats

The sands grow warmer
As our bodies move in closer
My gaze in a hypnotic trance
Fixed upon your sparkling eyes

Your breathing patterns sound erratic
As you pull my head closer to yours
My hands are shaking crazily
As I hold you closer in an embrace

Your breath feels calmingly warm
With a slight scent of peppermint
Mixed with a subtle hint of alcohol
The fragrance makes my head go haywire

Your lips puffed up in anticipation
Wanting and waiting for a sweet sensation
As I lean in with passionate emotions
And seal the deal of this romantic connection

My head feels light and dumbfounded
The nerves of my brain in crazy overload
So this is what kissing feels like
When it’s done by two people madly in love

My hands are sweating buckets
As they sweetly caress yours
I hope you won’t ever notice
How wild my heartbeats have become

Every moment replaying in my mind
Like movie reels vividly coming to life
While I look at your sleeping face
And your body lying on top of mine

God, I pray to hear that soft, whispered breathing
Every morning I wake up and every night I sleep
A soothing lullaby to my dreaming heart
And a concrete reality I want to wake up to

Sunlight slowly rising in the horizon
As the winds run in a different direction
A long kiss greets me good morning
The sweet smile you gave etched in my eyes

I hope that the warmth this night gave us
Would stay in our souls ‘til we’re old and grey
I long to love you 'til I draw my last breath
And in your loving arms I'd rather stay

Bloodshot eyes can't sleep tonight
Heartbeats working in overtime
Your smiling face etched in my jumbled mind
The only clarity in my foggy thoughts

Feelings I can't describe cling on to me
How come I became so full of courage?
To ask you out and tell you these hidden desires
I still can't believe how I managed to tell you

I still can't forget that shine in your eyes
When you held me in your arms tight
The words you whispered still ringing in my ears
Right before the kiss that made you mine

Awkward smiles, juvenile hearts
You shined brightly like stars tonight
Your warmth still brings goosebumps all over
Your securing embrace still feels like a fantasy

Am I dreaming like a madman?
Will this disappear when morning comes?
Why does tomorrow come so slowly?
Why is time so fast when I'm with you?

I've never felt this was before
Like a volcano bursting with emotions
As I grow closer towards your gravity
As I fall into the crevices of your heart

This may be what they call love
These unhinged feelings towards you
They consume every fiber of my being
As I think of ways of how to chase you

I scream out loud this love for you
Unleashing this desire to always be yours
You make me crazier with every look you give
Falling faster than light's speed when you touch me

My forever is yours to hold
I'll chase you to the stars and back
I'll love you deeper than the ocean floor
Just stay with me, for tonight and all coming nights

Midnight queen makes her presence known
Eyes lit up like sparkling diamonds
Lips shaded red as a blooming rose
Porcelain skin and an angel's face

The world of men sits at her feet
Wars are waged for her one night
Men competing for the goddess' favor
like playing with children's innocent curiosity

The eyes of this cougar stalking quietly
Hunting for the next unsuspecting prey
Her deadly charm her most effective tool
To catch and break the young and foolish boys

There I stood looking from a far
Desires getting stronger even if I stood no chance
Accepting that she won't ever look my way
And yet there she was, staring through my soul

God, my awkward smile and juvenile heart
You shined like starlight in my eyes
Heartbeats in maximum overdrive
When you lace your fingers into mine

Pent up desires taking over
Love bursting like a broken dam
Surging forth into each others' embrace
Raging like storms on a collision course

Making love like the torrid summer sun
Fiery encounters burning all trace of innocence
You, who consumes all the oxygen in my lungs
Whose kisses are my elixirs of eternal life

Stronger than *****, yet addictive like wine
You embody my deepest, darkest desires
You are a dream and a nightmare combined
And yet here I am, succumbing to my desires

You leave me thirsty for more of you
You plague me day and night in my dreams
Whose every word become my life's creed
Whose very silhouette I cannot live without

I am a slave to your mischievous desires
The goddess that I kneel to each night
I am a plaything running on your fingers
Your quick game whenever you feel bored

The devil in red and white claims me as hers
I am but a casualty in her rampaging storm
A victim who is left addicted to her taste
The plaything of a cougar whom every man desires

I'm choking on oxygen

My palms are sweating too much
My heart is jumping inside my chest
My brain is on a drunken haywire
I'm literally left speechless and dazed

I didn't see this coming

You're standing in front of me
Once again I get a glimpse of you
A glimpse that I would've killed for
In what was like a lifetime ago

You render me helpless

I thought I was done with this
My life was back on track again
My heart healing from the wounds
That your departure inflicted on me

And yet here I am

Time froze again for me
Because as the pain resurfaced in me
You seem like you're having fun
Living life as if nothing happened

And yet you left me in misery

How dare you smile in front of me
Showing me expressions that I've never seen before
Your smile a mockery of the harrowing experience
Of everything I went through because of you

I'm trying not to sob

You look like you own the world
Being happy with someone else nowadays
Yet here I am frozen and dumbstruck
As you blatantly ignore me when our eyes met

Here I go again

Spiraling in a downward depression
Feeling used and abused
When I simply gave my all to you
And you show me how insignificant I am to you

I'm done with this

I'm done with you and your cruel heart
That enjoys the misery of those she left
That craves attention only for self fulfillment
And leaves destruction in your wake

You are a storm

As storm that passed by my life
Who's torrential downpour I craved
But left me destroyed and broken
Leaving me to die out of breath

This is the last goodbye

I never want anything from you
Whose love is too hellish to earn
I never want to go through this again
Even if it leaves me wanting more from you

See what mess you left me in?

My life in shades of gray
Of black and of white
This heart just pumping blood
No adrenaline nor thrill in life
No color in this stagnant art
No purpose in this senseless wandering
Switching destinations on a whim
Seeking warmth from those without it

Eyes grow souless
With each passing day
Mind feels wistful
With each passing thought
The youthful passion
Fading into nothingness
The fiery emotions
Slowly burning out

The enthusiasm of a young man
Crushed in the grip of reality
The loveless heart
Growing tired and weary
Everything feels cold
A long and harsh winter
In a young and untested life
A struggle just to feel alive

I am tired
I am weary
A stagnant pond
Seeking a ripple in my life
A chance to feel
And to turn my life around
From the gloomy colors of grey
Black and white
To a masterpiece of thrill
Of passion
Of love
And warmth
As colorful
As a kaleidoscope
With all these emotions
Flooding out
Trinkling down
Flowing and moving
Like a flooded stream
Connecting to people
Linking to hearts
No longer stuck here
No longer alone
Together with others
Just feeling alive
Just embracing Life

Nangarap lang naman ng isang pag-ibig
Na kayang magtagal sa aking mga bisig
Ngunit bakit ganoon kadaya ang tadhana?
Parati na lamang naiiwan at namamaalam.

Wagas na pagmamahal ay kayang ialay
Ngunit kahit nilalako na ang pag-ibig
Walang sinuman ang tumatanggap
Walang sinuman ang kayang tumagal

Hanggang dito na lang ba talaga tayo?
Wala na bang pwede pang iareglo?
Pinagdasal na umabot sana sa simbahan
Ngunit mukhang ako lang talaga ang umasa

Ang pinakamasakit sa lahat ng 'to?
Yung naiwan kang nag-iisip na baka
Pwede pang isalba kung anong meron
Pero hindi ka pinayagang gumawa ng hakbang

Kaya 'eto't nagmumukmok sa isang tabi
Iniisip kung ano bang nagawang mali
Kasi ang mga rasong "hindi ikaw, ako"
Ay mas masakit pa sa "may iba ako"

Mas maiintindihan ko pa kung ang pag-ibig
Na kay tagal kong pinaghirapan ay bigla na lang maglaho
Kaysa sa mga rasong malabo namang basahin
At ang mga mala-bugtong na sagot sa aking mga tanong

Namamaalam muli sa pag-ibig na hindi nagtagal
Na kahit anong pilit ang aking gawin, walang nararating
Walang kapangyarihang baguhin ang kasalukuyan
Ang mga pinanghawakan dumudulas sa aking mga kamay.

Hanggang sa mawala sa puso
Isisigaw ang pagmamahal sa'yo
Sambit ng mga labi ang ngalan mo
Hanggang ang pag-ibig ay maglaho.

We're finally here
At this moment
Hearts heavy
Tears held back

We tried avoiding it
Working out the wrongs
Making peace with the rights
Even when things got hard

We're at a crossroads
Where our journey ends
With one last embrace
One final kiss

Here at the end
Where our roads split up
Here at twilight
Waiting for the cold night

Somehow we got through
Somehow we made it
But I still have to ask
We were happy, right?

God, this is where we let go
Where she heads east
And I head west
Leaving these memories here

It was an impossible gamble
Avoiding the inevitable
Even so, we tried
We loved, and we lost

I just pray, Dear God
That no matter what happens
That if the world ends tomorrow
We can still call each other
Home

-J

Running through the midnight
Against every nightmare
Reaching for the sunlight
Against all the odds

23 years of Grace
23 years of Love
23 years of Struggles
23 years of Madness
23 years of Sadness
23 years of Joy
23 years of Life

Though this life is young
And this journey is just beginning
23 years have passed
And yet I still live
Still seeking my purpose
Still seeking my place
I still tread on
With gratitude in my heart
And courage for everyday
I pray for 23 years and more
In this colorful life of mine
As I paint a masterpiece
That would last a lifetime

Stay with me tonight
Lying down on the sand
While waves come and go
And the evening winds blow
The moon looking bright
And the stars blanketing the sky
The bonfire crackling slowly
Bringing warmth to our bodies
While you and I remain
Tangled in an embrace
Stealing kisses in between
You within my loving arms
Looking so precious to me
With your eyes twinkling
From the light of the dancing fires
And as you look up
It reflects the vast starry sky
Like a window to another plane
Another universe within you
It gets my mind thinking
How I want to know
Every single fact about you
Every single truth you know
And how I came to fall for you

I want you
To stay in my embrace
To kiss me gently
As I crave for more of you
In a cool tropical night
Drunk with each other's desire
Like its our last night together
Drowned in your beauty
Which turns me into a beast
As the night grows torrid
And my brain feels melted
From being touched by you
I want my every day
And every night
In this place
And at this time
With no worries
Just with you
Just like this
For the rest of our lives

We stood cold and frozen in the rain
Raindrops hiding the tears you've shed
Heads are bowed low, hearts broken to pieces
Our bodies locked tight in a last embrace

Your breathing felt warm yet faint
Our minds went blank and confused
As much as we don't want to let go
The rift between us grows wider by the second

As I held your small, fragile face up
I can't help but stare at the fading light in your eyes
We just had to lean in for one last sweet kiss
Let the last spark of passion between us dissipate

As I try to let you go, you begged with dear life
As I struggled to resist your plea, I knew I wouldn't win
Even as I said goodbye, my arms were wrapped tight
Frozen in place with you in between them

With all the strength I had left in my heart
I turned my back to the sweetest memories we shared
But you desperately clung to every fiber of my being
I knew in my heart how badly I still wanted to stay

With all the voice you still had left
You screamed your final "I love you's"
I knew they're enough to make me turn around
But this time, we need to let each other go

As I walked away dragging my resisting feet
and I struggled to run away from your embrace
God knew how it crushed the life out of me
As I broke free from your heavy gravity

As I let you go, it took every cell in my being
Every muscle in my body rebelled against me
But because I love you with everything I have
Letting go was the only way to save you from my destruction

As I let you go, all memories of us surged like flash floods
Every smile of yours etched in my mind and heart
All of your kisses that I know I will never feel again
All those feelings broke out as tears fell from my eyes

I missed you every night in every dream
You haunted me in every way I couldn't imagine
Letting you go was my life's biggest regret
But to see you broken in my last moments, that I cannot bear

As heaven took my last breath away
Your small smiling face solely gave me ease
I know I won't be able to embrace you in this life again
So please wait for my return on our next chance

Dear you..

It's been a while
Since we last talked
How have you been?
I hope you're doing okay

Me?

I guess I still miss you
Missing how I wake up seeing you
Smiling at me each morning
Wanting to stay in bed the entire day

Dear you..

Do you remember how
We enjoy making breakfast everyday?
How dreadful it feels to leave in the morning
only to hurry back and eat dinner together

I do

I still remember our weekend dates
Whether going out, or staying home
Remember the first roses I gave you?
And my promise to give you some every week?

Remember, Dear?

I still remember how you caressed my hair
and how you kissed me every time I messed up
I also remember how we used to cuddle
When we stayed home on the weekends

Do you still remember?

How warm it feels when you hug me
At times when it feels cold in bed at night
and how we ate on the same bowl or plate
Whenever we lazily eat our meals on the bed

Those were the days

When I felt happiest the most
When I felt like I'm truly alive
Sharing that simple, fun life with you
Brought contentment to my heart.

Did you feel the same way?

You smiled whenever you looked at me
You kissed back even when I nervously messed up
You had that effect on me back then
I thought I also had the same effect on you

But I guess not..

When that blissful life took a bad turn
We turned for the worst downfall as well
You kept looking for someone else in me
Someone's love that's completely different from mine

And then it crumbled..

The life we shared and held on dearly
The way we shouted and fought every night
and how we slept on the opposite sides of the bed
I guess you really didn't feel the same

Who was he?

The one you still held on to
Even though I was the one beside you
The person who kept you from being mine
Whose memories outweighed the love I gave?

Then the end came..

It came by so fast I never caught a glimpse
I was still willing to fix it yet you alone brought it down
You walked out that door and left me for good
You took my heart with you as you went to him

It still hurts..

I am still stuck with loving you
Even if my mind says otherwise
Your ghost still haunts my life
I don't know what else to do

So please..

Stop running to me when you need comfort from him
Stop calling me every time you cry on lonely nights
Stop stirring this weak heart of mine
And please don't consider me yours anymore

So..

I'm saying a final goodbye
I hope you'll be happy in this life
In time I'll move on, I'll be free
Even if in my heart, you'll always be dear to me

Until when will I wait?
Until when will I suffer?
Until when will I long?
Until when will I seek?

Until when should I lock myself up?
Until when will I long for the warmth?
Until when should I feel dead inside?
Until when should I walk alone in this life?

Until when should my heart be hard as stone?
Until when do I have to wait for someone to chisel it?
Until when will the winter of my life last?
Until when do I stay just to see you at last?

Until when do I have to suffer lonely nights?
Until when will I wake up in a cold, empty bed?
Until when will I feel anxious about a single's lifetime?
Until when will I fear connecting to someone else's life?

Until when do we have to wait?
Until when do we have to suffer?
Until when 'til I see your face?
Until when 'til I hold your hands?

Until when do I just see you in my dreams?
Until when 'til I see you in my reality?
Until when 'til we finally meet?
Until when 'til we passionately love?

Until when will I be alone?
Until when will I be isolated?
Until when will my emotions be suppressed?
Until when 'til I finally bask in your embrace?

I am stuck here..

Waiting for you..

Are you stuck somewhere else too?

If so, then tell me how to find you..

And if Fate blesses this search..

If the gods open the path which leads to you..

I'll never ever let go of you..

So tell me..

Until when 'til I find you?

Don't stare at me with teasing eyes
Don't stir my feelings with playful smiles
Don't stiffen my muscles with soft touches
Don't leave me blank with inviting kisses
Don't melt my heart with warm breaths
Don't give me a rush with that passionate wanting
Don't give me a reason to desire you even more

We don't want a relationship filled with abuse
A relationship where wanton rage reigns
We don't want a love that turns into poison
A love that becomes ****** and repulsive

As much as I crave your every taste
Fall for your game, let no time go to waste
Breathe the same gasps of air with you
Freeze time whenever I share it with you
Rushing into your arms for the rest of our days
As much as I want to be with you this instant
Let's take the pace slow and steady
Instead of a quick and brittle love affair

Let's build a quake-proof connection
An affair with strong and sturdy foundations
Where our desires can freely be expressed
And our love meant to protect and caress
Just us indulging in our passionate wanting

I don't want any compromise for building "us"
I want a slow but steady path towards you
I will wait even for a long time, even if its a must
I don't care about how long, I simply desire you
You, the one belle that caught me by surprise
The one belle that drives my dreams every night

The tensions spiking high
Emotions running wild
As we stare in each other's eyes
Anticipating each other's moves

I'm sinking hard and deep
Into those hypnotic brown eyes
My heartbeats jumping intensely
As I try to hold on to my sanity

Steadily reaching breaking point
As we try to maintain control
Quickly loosing this battle
As Desire makes way to the surface

Like floodgates on release
Lust overwhelming our senses
Like dangerous animals on rampage
All over each other's bodies

My senses in overdrive
As I give in to the rush
My hands moving independently
As it explores every inch of you

Kisses feel like wild fire
Melting my brains on the inside
******* my lips vigorously
Making me want even more

I can't even stop to think
My mind going blank and haywire
Your every kiss proving not enough
As I strip away every clothing from you

The panting grows heavier
As we explore each other's wild sides
Like wandering travelers
Seeking each other's secrets

Soft moans growing louder
As I kiss between your thighs
Slowly welcoming each caress
Like a secret being gradually revealed

Sweet nectar overflowing
As I go deep within your being
Your hands pulling my hair
Guiding me to where you want me

Give in to the pleasure
As I caress you sweetly
Stay still and don't resist
Let's make this love feel incredible

Just give in to my every touch
As I gave in to each of yours
Let's make sweet love, dearest
Let the wanton lust be unleashed

Bodies colliding uncontrollably
Kisses increasing in intensity
Instincts shifting to reach ******
This carnal union showing no mercy

The sweet moaning music to me
As I ****** my all deep into you
Your teeth sinking into my lips
As we reach the end of this torrid encounter

Finally reaching the heaven we seek
Leaving us wasted and exhausted
Yet as your body rests on mine
It makes me want you even more

More of this incredible love
More of this uncontrollable lust
More of this wanton desires
Ultimately, more of your body
And more of you

This wanderlust of mine
Wanting to explore more of you
Remains unquenched and desiring
To see more of the untouched you

This is a deadly game
This is a poisonous gamble
This is unwarranted passion
This is crazy obsession

And yet you choose me
Amidst all that chaos within me
That hurts you when it shows
Amidst all my flaws you love me

You are a bright flame
Warm and passionate
Fierce and boisterous
A raging beacon of beauty in the darkness

I am that darkness
Cold and unmoving
Dead and restrained
A chaotic enigma hidden in your shadows

I am around you
But I cannot touch you
And yet you shine for me
You choose to love me

No matter how much we try
No matter what we do
Light can never banish the darkness
And darkness can never touch the light

But here you are
Loving the darkness in me
Because you exist to need me
Because light must shine amidst the dark
And darkness must help the light shine

An odd combination
The two of us
And yet you're in love with me
And I with you
They may say its wrong
But who the hell cares
Because I feel its right
Even if we are never alike

Winds whispering in harmonies
Moonlight bathing the skyline
Stars blanket the void of night
Everything feels quiet and serene

Eyes locked in a passionate stare
Reflecting the wild, loving hearts
Hearts whose beatings go erratic
Skins touching soft and bare

One pulls in for a kiss
A warm kiss that melts the mind
The other locks in embrace
A tight embrace that melts the heart

As kisses grow more torrid
And embraces grow ever fervent
Lovers inch closer and entwined
In mind and heart, body and soul

Under the moonlit horizon
Under heaven and starlight
Love blooms further than ever
Passion and emotion taking over

Heartbeats in overdrive
Giving in to unhinged desires
The night sky stands witness
To our fiery engagement

Sweat trickling profusely
As body and soul collide
Breaths grow heavier and deeper
As hearts and minds entwined

As my lips touch every inch
Nectar flows so sweet to drink
As my hands touch every point
Your whimpers grow louder

Your hands locked into mine
As we finally reach midnight
Thrusting deeper still
As our love blooms to the fullest

The warmth of your breath
Makes my head feel fuzzy
The curves of your hips
An alabaster masterpiece

The warmth we both shared
Deny the cold winds tonight
In your embrace I choose to stay
Under the stars and moonlight

Sometimes I wonder
Why I still stay with you
Even when we go through
The thickest and thinnest
I find myself still beside you

Sometimes I think
What would happen if
We both reach our breaking points
Where everything is total chaos
Would I still go back to you?

Sometimes I worry
Where would we be each day
Would we be fighting?
Or would we be laughing?
Would I still stay with you?

Sometimes I question
How much I really love you
Can I still handle your whims?
Can I still try to understand?
Will I still lay in bed with you?

Sometimes I ask
Who am I gonna be today?
Will I be tolerating you?
Will I confront you?
Will I still be kissing you?

And then I stop..
I realize that this is love
That I am in love with you
That even through the hardest of times
And through the thickest arguments
Through the worst insecurities
And the worst shortcomings
I will still choose you
Because at the end of the day
I decided to be with you
I decided to kiss you
To embrace you
All your beauty
All your faults
All of you
I chose to love

And if it doesn't make sense
Why should it?
The only thing that makes sense to me
Is that love makes no sense
And that even if we don't make sense
I love you
And you love me
And I chose to be
With you

Your silhouette stays
Even when you're gone from me
The pain still lingers

Trivial things
That make heartbeats sting
That break emotional barriers
And open pathways
To the one who holds
You by her hand
And makes living this life
Fun and exciting

Small things
That create meaningful impacts
That reveal what is hidden
That symbolize affections
Neutralizing negativity
And showing real sincerity
In front of the girl
That turns your world around

Beautiful things
That represent the sweet
Yet thorny twists
Of what real love is
And that through the thicks
And through the thins of life
Total Love and Devotion
Defies all odds and obstacles

As I write tonight
Underneath this cloudy night
With little hints of moonlight
And a sky deprived of starlight
I contemplate on why
I made the wrong choices
My mind remains a mess
And my heart feels heavy

A man deprived of youth
Discovering my place in the world
Seeking a permanent home
Only to wander from place to place
The boy within my heart
With his mischievous charms
And his spontaneous whims
Making a mess of my life

Choices, you make or break them
I wonder why, in this world of numerous possibilities
I make only choices that hurt others
And ultimately, give me a stinging, guilty pain.

My mind is in the gutter
My heart in disarray
The person who keeps me happy
I think I've pushed her away
I admit this was a whirlwind feeling
But it became so strong
It blew me off my feet
And overcame my judgement

I'm sorry
For making the wrong choice
For not backing down
When you challenged my resolve
For failing you where
You needed me to succeed
For giving in to my desires
Instead of cherishing yours

I'm sorry
For making you think twice
When all I had to do was resist
For disregarding your trust
When you needed to trust me most
I know no reason would qualify
To be an excuse for my iniquities
But please, listen when I say, you're all I have

All I can do is apologize
All I can do is to make it up
To earn what was lost
And to labor day and night
To deserve a chance
And fight for your heart
To be yours in life
As I seek you to be mine

All I can do is say sorry
Even if it takes me
Day and night
As long as I can be by your side
A slave to your many charms
That no matter what you do
I cannot help it but
Fall in love with you..

More..

Please forgive me.