I can't remember the last time
I felt the sunlight kissed my cheeks
Feel the wind whisper in my ears
Breathe sweet fresh air in my lungs
Bask in the glory of the sunlight
And feel its warmth and light
Its rays that nurtures my life
And its warmth caressing my soul

I've been caged and left alone
Imprisoned in the cold depression
Left hopeless and chained to anxieties
To wallow in loneliness detached from reality
The weight of sadness impossible to bear
The isolation eating away all my sanity
Save me from this dreaded fate
Remove my curse and free me

Looking far out from this cell
Into the horizon beyond my reach
There you were, a small drop of sunlight
Glistening in the meadows
Prancing happily through the hills
As carefree as the howling winds
A bright and cheerful light
Which made me felt at ease

Every day you passed by
Unknowingly shining your rays on me
Infecting me with your jolly personality
Bringing hope to the hopeless me
Every day you set as well
Leaving me to the freezing night
But even the cold punishing winds
Can't take away the warm hope you left me with

It gave me the courage to take a leap
Break all my chains and destroy my walls
To stand up at the highest point of this life
And let gravity take hold of me completely
As I start to take that once in a lifetime chance
To fly to you and reach the heaven where you reside
Armed only with mustered up courage
And strengthened will

Heartbeats racing wildly
Reaching for that warm, bright place
The place beside your presence
Hidden in that highest heaven
But as I got too close
Both courage and will melted away
And instead of falling in your arms
I plunged back to that unforgiving reality

I guess I'm never meant for the warmth
That only emanates from your soul
I guess I tempted the Fates too much
They had to cut that thread which led to you
And as I plunged hard into the sea of despair
I could only look at you from afar
While I sink back to this morbid reality
That I shouldn't want what I could never have.

Come with me
Take my hand
And take a leap
Into my arms
And drift with me
To uncertainty
To hell with this life
Which only shed your tears
And escape the worries

Just come here
And stay with me
As long as I'm with you
And you're with me
I'll be content
And be happy
Because only you
Can sustain me
Only your love
Matters to me
So come
Escape with me

Its been a long time since then
When my hands held someone elses
Its been a long time when I last
Felt my heart yearn for someone

Awkward smiles flashing at each other
Flirting eyes staring towards one another
Hugs exchanged like there's no tomorrow
My kisses marking your cheeks and forehead

Emotions are in overdrive
As you look at me with your playful eyes
My heartbeats are skipping erroneously
As my lungs are gasping for breath

Your hands felt soft and sweet
As you happily laced them around mine
Your fingers touching each of my own
Each stroke sending jolts down my spine

Whenever you stare at me I want to melt
Ten seconds in your eyes feels like an eternity
It makes me want to pray for Time
to freeze
Whenever I surround you with my embrace

My words can't express how much you mean to me
My body can't endure such sweet emotions anymore
My time that froze when love was taken away
Moves again when you suddenly came
to my life

I love you Babe
No matter what they say
People will always have doubts
Even you may not believe me
But when I say that I'm in love
It is rare that I say it
With full and conscious conviction
Just like this one
So please
If you may grant me
Just one wish
No matter how long it will take
For you to reach a decision
Even if you make me wait long
Just please consider this
Please choose to stay
Here with me
Stay in my heart
Hold my hands tight
Embrace me fiercely
And never leave me alone
I love you

Time stopped frozen
Pain heavy in my chest
My heart in a sudden shock
My eyes holding back the tears

You said its over briefly
I'm left here thinking why
You left without a trace
While here I am trying to get by

Sitting in a bar every night
Drinking alcohol 'til come daylight
Sleeping alone in different motels
Since the bed you left at home feels cold

I can't eat nor sleep
Feeling limp and lifeless all over
My heart you took away
My soul wandering to where you might be

God, it hurts so much
Since she left me here standing
In a road leading to nowhere
My life in a permanent standstill

I don't want anything else
I just beg for your return
But even if I scream all my pleas
Would you even listen to me?

You were my morning sunshine
You are my evening storms
You are my sweetest tragedy
Your departure my biggest enigma

The hole you punctured in my heart
Grows emptier as the days go by
Tears falling down each passing midnight
Praying to see your face just one last time

I hope I could just do it over
Fall in love with you all over again
Making the right choices this time
Could you have stayed in my life?

God, I beg for your return
Welcoming me with arms wide open
Greeting me with passionate kisses
An embrace with no intention of letting go

I'd do anything just to have you back
Just to relive the days we were in love
When you were all I need in my life
Looking forward to seeing you smile

This love of ours was worth a lifetime
Yet that lifetime was snuffed out in a instant
I don't think I'll get over you, now or ever
Here I am waiting for my clock to start ticking again

Heart beating fast, throat feeling dry,
Butterflies in my stomach, Can't tell why?
Hands feeling sweaty, thoughts filled with sighs,
Head in the clouds, as if I'm up high.

Memories flashing vividly, like old movie reels,
Feelings forgotten flowing, like an old box unsealed,
Images of your smile that used to trigger these feels,
As if I'm back to that moment when my heart was revealed.

Its been a while since I last saw your face,
Last time I heard, you've made quite a change of pace,
I still remember how those eyes made my heart race,
While I kept thinking of how to have that smile fixed in place.

A madman, I truly was back then,
When I'd think of you, I'd grab paper and pen,
Poetic were my words, but only silence when my mouth opens,
My heart filled with admiration for this simple maiden.

No words can describe how I felt,
No words, guess I can't be helped,
Yet like a burning candle, hope began to melt,
With one strike, gone were everything I held.

After all this time, I picked myself up,
It was a lost cause, guess I wasn't enough,
I changed my pace even if it felt rough,
I went and moved on, kept the pressure up.

I thought facing you right now would be okay,
Yet here I am still thinking about what to say,
Should I start with a "Hello", "Hi" or "Hey"?
I give up, should it even matter anyway?

Out of nowhere, your voice echoed within me,
Resonating within every inch of my being,
That small voice that stole my heart quickly,
Revealing all my hidden, bottled up feelings.

I thought I can replace you in my heart,
Loosing this battle, This old love restarts,
Out they go, this feeling I carried so long,
Under everything I suppressed lies my love all along.

I still love you, endless as the moon and sky,
Still holding on, hoping that someday, you'll be mine,
My only promise is to cherish you, never to make you cry,
Will you give me a chance this time, sweet love of mine?

They cling to me
Those memories of smiles
Etched in my mind
Bringing nothing but sighs

Oh how my heart jumped
When you kissed me sweetly
How you brought me joy
Whenever despair plagues me

You were the love I wanted badly
All my life was yours to keep
You were the beat of my heart
The one that deprived me of sleep

Now only your memories remain
Even your silhouette left no trace
It pains me to miss you this much
Knowing that now you lie in another's embrace

I am chained to your haunting memories
Chained to the hurt that you've caused
Chained to the guilt I shouldered to endure
Chained to you still, can't get over your loss

I am chained to your lingering ghost
Chained to the prison of your past
Free me please from this shattered romance
Free me from the pain, Let me go at last

As long as I remained in your chains
And I carry these feelings that will go to waste
I won't get over our whirlwind affair
I'll feel the pain all over again as I yearn for your taste

Let me go, please hear my plea
Don't chain me to your toxic memories.

Hidden in this heart
Are my feelings kept from you
Should they be revealed?

I've been running in circles
Been dripping in sweat and rain
Making my way towards nowhere
Moving until I reach where you are

I'm losing my ******* mind
I'm giving in to my emerging fears
My mind in a repeating anxiety
Whatever happens, I can't lose you

My thighs feel tired from sprinting
My tears mixing with water and sweat
Why does it seem that wherever I run
I never get to see or meet you?

Racing towards where you are
Thinking of all the reasons I could say
All the things that could make you stay
Pushing my mind and heart to the limit

No matter how much I try to think
All my thoughts reach one conclusion
Its something simple and undeniable
Our love exists, and it still lives on

My resolve unbroken, even if my body is
I need to see you tonight, spilling my feelings out
I'm hopelessly and madly in love with you
So where, just where, could you be tonight?

I can't live without you by me
I can't be without your embrace
I can't forget those sweet, tender kisses
In other words, I need you too much

And I am ready to throw it all away
To endure the sad, sleepless nights
To endure the pointless, lazy days
Just to spend a minute with you again

But where are you now?
I'm almost desperate for hope
My breathing heavier by the second
Dear God, please let me endure further

Just when I'm about to give up
There you were, standing in front of me
Soaked in sweat, rain, and tears
Almost on the verge of defeat

My eyes lit up, my heart in relief
My tears about to burst, as were yours
Both with reasons to say to each other
As we run to lock for an embrace

I took the deepest breath in my life
As I tried not to choke on the tears
Saying "I love you" crazily on repeat
As the only reason to make you stay

You are my reason for living
And for tonight, and all the nights to come
I'll make you stay with me, and hold you tight
I'll love you for the longest time my life allows

Charmed

By those eyes that stare deeply
By that smile that feels giddy
By those hugs that bring warmth
By those kisses that melt my heart

That laugh that rings in my ears
Crushing all my foolish fears
That sweet scent lingering on my clothes
Calming all my anxious woes

I'm charmed by the way you are
Charmed by the purity of your heart
I'm falling further each and everyday
Loving you even better, in more ways

I almost lost hope until you came
Then you picked up and loved what remained
I'm never letting you go my Dear
All my heartbreaks led me to you, here

Could I love you any more than this?
I ask God in my prayers
To make it our whole lives' quest
To find it out

I can't write anything else
You left me at a loss for words
I guess
I just love you

It took me just one moment
One exposure of vulnerability
To make me realize that all this time
All these years and months
These days and hours
These minutes and seconds
Of being by your side
Will lead my life to
Falling in love with you

I may have felt it before
Wondering your taste
Your thoughts
And how well they synchronized
With my own tastes
That would've been so perfect
I may have been madly in love
With you from the start
I just didn't know what to call it

You've been with me all this time
But your heart, it still eludes me
How could you be so distant
Being inches apart from me?
Who is he that makes you cry?
Who visits your nightmares every night?
Whose name clings to your very lips?
Who sets aside what I've been yearning for?
Who is he? Who blinds you from seeing me?

Why him? Who toys with your emotions?
When it can be me, who truly understands you?
Why him? When he doesn't give a **** about you?
Whereas my world revolves around you?
Why can't he see what he's wasting?
While here I am waste my time praying?
Praying to be yours no matter what it takes
Even if when you're with him every inch of me aches
Is someone even listening to my every plea?

I have watched you all of my life
I've watched you grow gracefully in spring
Growing stronger and fiercer
I've endured your ferocious glow in the summer
And when reason hits you hard
I've seen you wane sheepishly in the fall
And when you broke your fragile heart
I've seen you wither helplessly in the winter

But even so, I secretly desired your crying heart
No matter how broken and scattered it became
All I want for you is a slice of true happiness
All I want is for you to wear an endless smile
Feeling joy in your beautifully-crafted life
Even if not in the comfort of my wanting arms
Even if your gaze fixes on another man
And I could only remain as a trusted friend

So please, dear Lord, if not for my wretched self
Please protect her loving smile and pure heart
That she may find the happiness that she deserves
In exchange for the happiness she shared to the undeserving me

If only she could turn to me..

Emptiness
This heart is a mess
Broken to the core
In search of something more

Useless
My life in a mess
Without meaning nor purpose
No direction nor course

Senseless
My path is aimless
Stuck in uneasy fears
My plea no one hears


This soul is tired
These hands reaching out
Trying to save itself
While slowly succumbing to surrender
This drought in my life
Consumes me every day
******* me of all confidence
Feeding my personal demons
Day and night
Rescue me please
From this faithless walk
Show me a path
That leads to a purpose

Do I have to sell myself
Just to get out of this hell?
It's a suffocating existence
It's an endless self-pity
******* me dry of all life
Leaving me restless
At least save my soul
From all this mess
Before I completely surrender
To this drought in my life

I am damaged
Broken to the core
Discarded and left behind
Alone in this life
I can't see an escape
My heart feels heavy
My mind is twisted
Yet no one understands

I may be depressed
or probably anxious
One thing's for sure though
I'm a messy storm
Trapped in a bottomless hell
Where no one can hear
No matter how much I scream
No body seems to notice

I'm in a prison of anxiety
A delusional reality
A paradoxical identity
Where no one can help me
I am a sinner
Never a saint
I know what's coming for me
But still I ask for help

I'm twisted and broken
Left to dust and the elements
No matter how much I cling on
To those who should care
Nobody hears my deranged cries
And my dying soul inside
Being consumed by anger
Guilt and loneliness

Why can't they see me?
Why can't they hear me suffer?
I'm falling in an endless pit
No end in sight
Just **** me now
I can't do what you want right
I can't be what you want me to be
So don't expect from me anymore

These feelings are no joke
I am hollow inside
Devoid from emotion
With no will to live
Contemplating my life
To move on or leave it here
Do I take the plunge?
Or just let them batter me more?

Ah, there it is
The fear of uncertainty
If I end it all here
I still fear what may happen next
So maybe there's still hope
I'm not yet dead inside
I still want to breathe
To suffer and feel alive

This poem is proof
That I'm ****** up in the head
A disaster in the making
See my point if I said
That everything here doesn't make sense?

You haunt me
The memories that we’ve shared
Keep coming back to me
The way you play and touch my hair
Makes me feel so crazy
The kisses you have nourished me with
Etched on every nerve of my lips
You left me desperately addicted
It haunts me

You haunt me
I held on to everything you said
Believed every word you preached
Gave in to your every request
‘Cause I wanted you to be happy
Left all my friends who hated you
Left everyone behind just to be with you
Waited every night to be in bed with you
Its haunting me

You haunt me
I gave you everything that I could
All my dreams and my hopes
I threw it all away just to be with you
But when the situation got rough
You took the easy way out
You stepped out of that door
You left me afraid and alone
It broke me

You haunt me
Every night you’re my nightmare
A ghost hanging over me
Leading my mind to insanity
The pain in my heart burns increasingly
Every memory turning against me
Pleading and begging to be yours again
Even if it is slowly destroying me
It tortures me

You haunt me
My life you have filled with misery
And yet I still yearn to be with you
This is how much I love you
Twisted as it may be
I will endure
I will be waiting patiently
All of it because
You haunt me

Lonely travelers in this long journey
Meeting at the crossroads of fate
Lone souls looking for companions
Hearts looking for their heartbeats
Curiosity sparkled from bright eyes
In them resides an adventurous light
Take my hand as we walk this road
Where should we go in this uncertainty?

Warm hands and soft kisses
Make us both feel at home
This time I know I’m not alone
Holding hands on this path with you
As long as you’re here, I’ll be fine
As long as I’m here, I’ll save you
Let’s see the wonder this life offers
As you and I traverse this road together

Where do we go now?
What should we do?
That I have no idea
But in my dreams
and in my hopes
As long as I’m with you
It doesn’t matter where we are
Or what we'll see
As long as you see only me
And I see only you

This is it
The end of the line
This is us
At our last goodbye

Its been fun
Its been wild
This roller coaster ride
Of being in each other's lives

I felt the pain
I felt the pleasure
I've seen all the colors
And even all the gloom

We had flown to the highest heaven
Yet had fallen to the deepest hell
We used to hold each other tight
But have now drifted far apart

I'm not good at goodbyes
I guess you aren't too
'Cause even when we're far apart
You still miss me, and I, you

But now here I am bleeding out
Pulling my legs away from you
Pushing your hands away from me
Realizing a truth that brings pain to me

Love is not always the answer
That our thirsty hearts must seek
'Cause even if we are desperate for it
Its not always what we need

A final kiss to seal the deal
A last embrace just for one final feel
So long, dear love, the one my life seeks
But the love that wasn't supposed to be what it needs

Come and play with me
Flash that lovely smile
and ****** my woes away
Make my heart beat wild

Give me an unforgettable rush
Take me to paradise and back
Kiss me viciously sweet
Like tomorrow never comes

Make me desperate for air
Let me cling to my life
As we go deep within the pleasure
And our bodies take control

**** me dry of all life
As I get addicted to you
Let your scent wash over me
As I go down on your being

Pull me deeper within you
As our bodies syncronize with the rhythm
Move like an untamed animal
With wild and deadly eyes

Let the pleasure consume us
As we **** our sorrows tonight
Moan like no one can hear us
And give me the memory of a lifetime

Love me just for tonight
Need me just for once in this life
Embrace me fiercely as we try to reach the end
Don't let go of my hand as we go to the ******

The sweat dripping from my eyebrows
The heat leaves me blank and dull
Your small body resting on top of mine
Both tired from that torrid encounter

As sunlight illuminates what hides
Morning reveals a stranger's face
This once in a lifetime encounter
Forgotten in a flash of daylight

It's 4:30am
And here I am
Wide awake
Eyes bloodshot
My thoughts a mess
My heart more so
Consumed by loneliness
I'm feeling helpless

The problem is
I don't know why
This sadness eats me away
All I know is that
I'm upset over life
I don't know why
My heart is aching
My brain exploding

Am I anxious?
Am I depressed?
If so, why?
The world is filled
With everything real
With the beautiful
And the contrary
Why waste my time on abstract sadness?

But here I am
In a state of despair
Feeling like all hope
Is gone from my life
I need help
I need friends
I need motivation
I need to get out of here

But they're not here
They're nowhere to be seen
My thoughts twisting
By each second passing
My pulse slowing down
My limbs feeling numb
What should I do
To get out of this pit?

I'm dying inside
The void in my heart
Has consumed me completely
My sanity slipping away
From the twists in my brain
Tell me what should I do
And how should I move
From here

Help..

Attraction
The first fall
When eyes first meet
The lingering stares
The first heartbeats
Awkward smiles
Like shy children
Feelings unexplained
Growing deep within

Infatuation
The first moves
When feelings meet
The weight of emotions
The unbearable tension
Pulling like gravity
Hoping to get closer
Wanting to go deeper
Yet far from reach

Denial
The first tests
When doubts can’t rest
The uneasy jealousy
The unnecessary confirmations
Testing out the waters
Checking the compatibility
When in reality
Needing each other furiously

Realization
The first acceptance
When nothing can be done
The fast free-fall
The great longing
Kisses addicting
Embraces nourishing
Passionate in every step
Cherishing every stolen moment

Conclusion
The first and last surrender
When everything is given
The uncontrollable throbbing
The love bursting
Heart feeling comfortable
Mind put to ease
The memories we create
Lasts an entire lifetime

Why is everybody laughing?
Grinning ghoulish grins
Looking at me with piercing eyes
Like their cutting me in half

The voices are speaking again
Can you hear them?
Even when I cover my ears
They can still make them bleed

I have a problem with my mirror
Every time I look at myself
Even when I have the same clothes
Why is the face not mine?

How come whenever I try screaming
Screaming on the top of my lungs
Coughing out every cry for help
I'm still drowning in the eerie quietness?

I'm supposed to be depressed
Tears and blood pouring out my eyes
Why am I hearing my own laughter
And in the mirror, Why am I smiling wide?

I thought my insomnia was kicking in
I tried closing my eyes, rolling on the bed
only to find out that on the other side
I was already sleeping deeply.

Help me get out of here
This prison called my mind
It's playing games with me
Or am I playing games with it?

Nightmares are becoming dreams
Laughter raises the hairs on my nape
How will I make this right?
When I'm not in my right mind?

Time
Everything stopped in time
When you walked in my life

Eyes
Those blue eyes staring back
Placed me under your spell

Touch
When your fingers touched mine
My mind went into a trance

Whispers
Those whispers of your desires
Made me a slave to them

A Kiss
A passionate kiss placed on my lips
Sealed the deal and locked my fate

Embrace
You entwined me in your embrace
Gentle, yet subconsciously Greedy

Enchantment
You kept me under your enchantment
Playing with me under your fingers

Trash
Thrown away like trash in an abyss
When you were done using me

Curse
The spell became a curse
When you took my heart away

Despair
You left me in despair
In a cage of your enchantment

Fulfilled
The enchantment became a curse
The spell remained only in my insanity
The dreams turned into vicious nightmares
Pushing me to the edges of my mind
These games have fulfilled their purpose
Costing you nothing
But leaving with my everything

Dormant feelings waking up
Awkward emotions dripping like sweat
I can't seem to erase this smile on my face
Just because I'm seeing you again today

Its been a long distance friendship
And a long time since I last saw you
I don't know if this is simply my excitement
Or some new emotions I'm feeling for the first time

You were closer to me when we were far apart
But now it seems I can't reach you even when you're near
I don't know if this is the right thing to do
But I know its the right thing to feel

God, if these feelings aren't from You
Please take them away from my heart
Do I save the long time friendship?
Or act upon these untested and unsure feelings?

Because now that you're near
I realized how much you mean to me
But as soon as you go and leave again
This heart might feel broken again

I simply pray, dear God
That if she's the one for me
Somewhere along our winding paths
The roads we take will merge
And she'll pull my hand
To lead me to the happiness
You wanted me to have

The gentle spring breeze kisses the blades of grass
Streams humming like a whispering melody
Life blooming in all its mysteries and curiosities
It filled the meadows with a calming harmony

Standing on at a crossroads, I tread carefully,
A man past his prime, Indecision takes hold of me
The pain of youthful love burned out all my passion
Heading carefully to where I want my rest to be

On this hill here beside you I have longed to rest,
Under the warm rays of sunlight, with the sweet-smelling grass
Under the vast sheet of starlight, when night blankets the sky
Only beside you is where I want to forever stay

Memories of our youth come surging like a flood
When love burned bright and you give me life
When sorrow took the best of me, I grew hopeless
And when I needed you most, Death took you from my arms

Yearning for love, a passion that burns out the soul
I longed for one to come my youthful heart’s way
Etched in it an undeniable desire to fiercely fight
For a love that engulfs one’s heart like a wild flame

And there it was, a point where everything changes
When it came rushing in and crushed all my defenses
When hearts come in resonance with each other
Their melodies harmonizing like two spirits merging

Young hearts come together like buzzing bees
Looking for a love like there’s no tomorrow
Lit up with a sense of passion one rarely sees
Only to be consumed by inevitable grief and sorrow

Ah! Youthful love, it burns bright yet brief
When a heart is consumed, it is doomed to fall
For when it gives its all, it is surely to get less
And when it endures, it hollows out the most

Every heart has to endure a whirlwind of emotions
Fear will come to dread it and Hate will try to **** it
A gentle insanity comes rushing in, a craze-driven passion
In which one leaves reality to run and find a dwindling ideal

The troubles of a young heart are wide and vast
Its innocence unable to shield it from heartaches
And as winter approaches, it is also forced to choose
Lie still in the snow, or endure waiting for the next spring

A love that’s taken and tested to endure
A love that is fought for and is let to consume
A love like that, I still pray to hold within my grasp
And so for that love, I must endure with all my might

A soldier in this war, I fought for the comfort beside you
A lover in this struggle, I loved you much more than I can give
And when my lips touched yours, my words become silent
How you bewitched me with your beauty leaves me speechless

But Reality is a cruel master, a monstrous fate
When I felt like I could conquer the world,
When I felt that forever in your arms I stay
That is when he breaks me hardest, deepest.

Death is an all-consuming enigma
He came to take you away from me
Like a thief he came when least expected
When our flowering lives bloomed brightest

I am left to question all that had happened
Crying out to the heavens day and night
But the beauty you embodied had taken a new form
A form only Life can recreate once more.

You became the grass, you became the earth,
You became the gentle wind that comes in springtime,
The wind that kisses me with passion and gentle caress
When every time it whispers your voice is all I hear.

On this hill where your spirit resides
I long to be in your comfort again
Time has aged me, but not my love for you
Youth has passed me by, but not the feelings you left me with.

Wait for me beloved, my time has come,
Final breath draws near, Death follows behind me,
He who took you away now brings me closer to you
Stay steadfast beloved, today I’ll come to be with you.

Driving for miles
To get to where you are
Knees are aching
Hands are shaking
Fuel tank almost dry
Engines barely alive
Legs are tired
Tires wearing out
How long 'til I reach the end?

But..
I'm driving to where you are
and..
No matter how long or far
As long as the road ends
on the space beside you
I'll keep driving on
the highway towards you

Golden sunlight kissing my skin
Gentle breeze whispering in my ears
The sunset covered by a crown of clouds
The skies slowly dimming towards twilight

The fine sand on my toes feels warm
Getting cozier as each minute passes by
The waves come and go in a gentle rush
The salty mist refreshing to the withered soul

Coconut trees sway back and forth
Slow-dancing with the gentle breeze
Lying alone in this small and cozy tent
Waiting for the stars to sparkle bright

As the night approaches bonfires littered the beach
Like small tongues of light in a dark, serene canvass
People singing songs not very far away
Blending smoothly with the strumming of guitars

I guess this is what people call paradise
Yet why does it feel so incomplete?
The gaping hole in my heart feels empty
My arms feel like they're missing a big piece

If this is paradise, then what is it missing?
Why does everything look so perfect, yet feel so empty?
And then the memories left to wither
Came like a tsunami on the horizon

It was your warmth that it lacked
Your presence it was missing
Your scent blending with the salty air
Your eyes glowing with the moonlight

It was your love that was my paradise
The love that you took with you
When you left me stranded and struggling
In an island of my sadness and misery

But for tonight, and all the coming nights
I choose to bury the past in these sands
To break the chains that still cling to me
Along with the painful memories that haunt me

So as I sleep under the blanket of starlight
I remain hopeful of the breaking dawn
As I forget you like the passing waves of the seas
And the winds bring me to the arms of a paradise just for me

It's slowly dwindling away
Crumbling into pieces
That can never be repaired
Breaking down to the point
Of no return

I'm loosing it
The ability to feel
To give in to my emotions
Its as if my sanity
Slowly sinks into oblivion

I used to have them
Feelings of joy
Of sadness and pain
Of anger and lust
Or even love

But as the days pass by
And age catches up
My heart begins to harden
To feel as cold as ice
Like I'm barely even alive

I was once a young boy
With eyes full of dreams
And a heart full of courage
An unwaivering mindset
To take the world head on

But Reality was cruel
I kept searching for happiness
But all it gave was pain
And as I succumbed to endless pain
I started to not care at all

Years passed by and yet
I still struggle in the pain
I still endure the bitterness
Stuck on my mouth
As if it were candies

Soon after I'm left here
Wanting to feel again
Wanting my chest to swell
With anger or excitement
I don't even care which

I just want to start feeling again
For time to move from hereon
To exist again in this timeline
To love and lose once more
To experience emotions like so

They still evade me though
The feelings that once coloured
The corners of my heart
And graced the different periods
Of my rollercoaster life

Someday I may lose it all
The emotions that once
Made me feel alive
I'm a dead man walking right now
Just waiting for the final execution

I hope someone intervenes
I hope that phone call comes
The call thats saves me from
This endless pit I don't want to go to
An emotionless and dull damnation

Because I don't wanna lose it all
I just want to feel that I exist
And that I am worth something
That I am worth saving
And I deserve to be alive even as the mess I truly am

I simply want to feel again..

When our eyes met
Time slowed down
Heart beating fast
Lips glued together
A rush of emotions
Sweeping me away
My mind totally blank
Everything felt surreal

Everything felt so right
The moment is just perfect
And the future flashed
Before my clairvoyant eyes
With you lying in my arms
Clutched in my embrace
Lips pressed on mine
Madly and deeply in love

All it takes
To make it all real
Is to muster all my courage
And gather all my strength
Just to utter a single
"Hi"

Here I go..

Surrounded by walls
Clinging for dear life
Emotions in conflict
Claustrophobia ensues

I'm losing myself
In this battle for endurance
I'm trying to hold on
Vying for your elusive heart

Your eyes contradict
What your lips blurt out
Your here inches away
Yet the distance an ocean's length

You abhor the thought
Of getting me hurt
And yet your actions
Hurt me constantly

You are an enigma
Yet to be solved
And yet you hold my heart
At the palm of your hands

You surround yourself
In my warm embrace
Yet your life is a shadow
I have yet to see

So here I am
Trying to cross that ocean
In between us
Trying to break your walls

I pray for constant guidance
In taking on this long journey
A journey few men could endure
To tame a wild and evasive love

I pray for constant strength
To brace myself for the coming storm
To hold steadfast and keep chasing
The girl who haunts my dreams

I pray for Love to blossom
Between the hunter and the hunted
I pray for blaring passion
To burn the walls you've built

Someday I will cross this ocean
No matter how long and how far
I will keep my aching head cool
And my wanting heart holding on

Please remember me
Once you tell yourself
That you want to fall
In love again

Sometimes there are secrets
That are better left buried
Forgotten in the past
Scattered in the wind

Sometimes you have to lie
To hide what lies inside
Telling yourself the sweetest lies
Than to swallow the bitter truth

Sometimes there are mirrors
You'd rather not face
Because you're afraid to discover
Things you've been oblivious to

There are things that we'd rather
Let the ocean waves swallow
Mirrors that we'd rather cover
Than see what truly is reflected

I've broken my mirrors
Locked away my fears
Drowned myself in the lies
And never ever looked back

And yet like a phoenix from the ashes
Why are these mirrors back?

Lying on this bed
With you sleeping in my arms
On a quiet dawn

I've been asleep for quite a while
An endless millennia of indifference, it seemed
No escape nor any respite
Nothing makes this heart beat and breathe life

This world is an abysmal plane
An existence that brings pain and sorrow
Only a few finding the happiness they sought
The rest fighting viciously for what's left

"The sun will rise..", they said
".. and will bring the warmth we need"
Forgive me for the blasphemy
But I don't think it will come for me

I've been here for quite some time
Seeing the greed that all men possess
Hearing the sadness that all women repress
Failing in the good life that all obsess

And yet here I am
Still not loosing faith in a little corner of me
That the sunrise will come
And alter my dreaded fate

As I was loosing all hope
Succumbing to all the despair
Accepting the spiral fall to death
Sunlight touches my stone-cold heart

The sunrise came to my frozen wasteland
It made my heart beat like it lives again
This long hibernation comes to a hopeful end
My life turns upside down, my faith rewarded

You, whose love nurtures my dying emotions
You, whose warm kisses riddled me sweet sensations
You, whose same cold existence brought warmth to my dead
You, whose smiles and love replaced all sorrow and dread

It's not too late to be the warmth
To be the sunrise to those who still sleep
To those who lost all hope in this limited existence
To be the truth that replaces indifference and makes all men see

Be the beauty that brings this world at its knees
Restore the faith the soul-less have in humanity
Be the pockets of warmth in this cold reality
Be the life for one person in this endless dark sea

People often ask
If dreams do come true
If fantasies become reality
If love comes to the loveless
I can’t help but feel
That the dreams that I dream
And the fantasies that I have
Stands before me right now

I tried to stop it
These budding emotions
I tried to deny it
The truth being unveiled
I tried to fight it
The gravity pulling me towards you
But I can’t help it
Falling in love, deeply with you

The world told me it’s wrong
The world told me to move along
The world told me you’re not worthy
And that the wait will **** me
But there I prayed
And waited for the day
When you can stay by my side
In all my days and all my nights

It’s you who keeps me falling
Pulling me closer to your core
Your gravity inescapable for me
As I live under your various colors
It’s you whom I choose
The one destined by fate
To be the love that makes me feel alive
To make me see the beauty of life

You make the wrong feel right
You make the worst feel alright
No matter where I may go
Your love follows me
Even through all that melancholy
That Life brought to me
You made all the sadness that I felt
A worthy sacrifice for what came next

It’s you who brings me light
Even in the darkest of nights
It’s your smile that gives me strength
To overcome the barriers of life
How blessed am I to be yours
To be within your warm embrace
How thrilled am I to fall deeper in love
With each smile and frown you display

I long to stay in your embrace
Because in you I find my comfort
I long to be yours for all my life
To be the sweetest reality of your life
As you are to mine
And in all the twists and turns
That life brings to us
I’ll never let go and I’ll always say

I love you
With all my heart
No matter what surprise Life brings
You’re the only right thing
In my wretched life
And if I have to choose
All over again
It will always be you

Some things should be left in the past..
Some things should be lived in the present..
Some things should be reaped in the future..

And so I leave yesterday with all the agony I've felt..
I'll live today with all the hope and courage I could muster..
And I hope to reap tomorrow the love and attention I seek..

Dear God, hear me please.

Sweet little laughter
From these half-meant jokes of us
Makes me fall truly

Been going down this stream
Of chaos and uncertainties
What destination will I come upon?
Where will my paper boat take me?

The pavement was drenched by that long, August rain
As jeepneys swerved by and people were rushing
Under a small umbrella we hurried to catch the train,
As the wind grew colder and harsher that evening.

As we walked towards the station our hands glued tight
Those small, soft hands that laced around mine
And even though you kept ranting about that terrible night
It became an unforgettable memory  in this heart of mine

That short train ride probably felt like the shortest ever
As if time flew quickly and you suddenly said your goodbye
Leaving me to travel alone pondering about the feelings at play
And it struck, that sudden realization, that left me to my sighs

These growing emotions kept growing, keeping me up at night
Heart beats uncontrolled and erratic whenever you come around
It annoys me that in your smile I find unending delight
And in my love struck mind your voice sweetly resounds

Each and every day I tried to avoid confronting them
You see me as a friend, so its a no, a big taboo
But a heart never ceases to yearn, no matter how you stop it
And in my case, I seek only to be loved by you

How everything would go, how far these emotions may take me
I can only watch from here, hoping and praying it will go my way
But as he comes along, your eyes set on him, it won't be easy
The only assurance I hold on to is that you would choose to stay

I'll try to assure myself with those calming, bewitching eyes
And I guess I'll hold on to your sweetest, merriest smile
Even if in truth, I deceive myself with those sweet, yet deadly lies
And that my fantasies and reality might never get reconciled

Love is a strange yet complicated feeling
When you yearn what's not yours, every fiber in you rebels
Even when you sacrifice your all and give up everything
The ones nearest to your heart, sting like pins and needles

But it also gives wisdom, helping young hearts grow
Love teaches vigilance even when everything hurts
It leaves us questioning, yet giving what we need most to know
That it is unquenchable passion and sacrifice for everything it's worth

So, here I stand, waiting for the next train to stop by,
heading to destinations unknown, meeting the strangest people
hoping that someday I'll meet you somewhere under a raining sky
Not as friends, but as lovers, perfectly-suited, yet an imperfectly human couple.

(February 12, 2015, 2:21am)

I once surrounded myself
With emotional walls and checks
Hiding behind my insecurities
Shielding myself from all responsibility

It came to a point when
It grew completely out of control
It left me isolated in my own world
It left me disconnected from reality

But then you came
You
Who went in with a wrecking ball
Smashing all those stone and iron walls
Peeling layer by layer of me
Leaving me exposed to vulnerability

For the first time in my life
A whole new world opened for me
You took my hand by surprise
And led me out of my cage
You removed all my shackles
Destroyed all my chains
You flipped my world upside down
And loved me in all my nakedness

You
Whose love showed me a new paradise
By leading me out of my comfort zone
Who made my heartbeats go wild
And boosts my adrenaline every single second of my life

You
You are the sunshine
To my cold life
The weakness in my veins
And the strength in my muscles
You are the air in my lungs
The reason I wake up each morning
The reason I sleep soundly at night
The courage in my heart
And the reason in my mind
You are a whole new world for me
Whom I want to share my own world with too
You are the world that I never knew
And the world that I want to keep on exploring every single second of the day

I love you

You're under my skin
Worming your way beneath me
Can't avoid your sting

I once found a rose
That drew me to it's beauty
I knew I had to take it for my own
I yearned to possess it earnestly

Without hesitation I jumped in
I grabbed it with all I have
Wanting it truly with all my heart
Praying sincerely to own it wholly

I held on to it vigourously
So that no one can steal it from me
Tightening my grasp onto it
As if I could never want anything more

I didn't mind holding on to it
I wouldn't exchange it for anything in the world
And yet others kept telling me to let go
As they saw my hands bleeding badly

I saw it before it even bled this badly
I knew that things would turn for the worst
And yet my desire took over my reason
And wounded myself from the thorns it has

As I contemplated my own pain
I saw the pain I was causing this rose
She suffocated under my grasp
She was dying under my care

I knew what I have to do
And yet I held on to it tight
Thinking that it was mine
And yet my hands said otherwise

Now I'm stuck in a dilemma
Should I still hold on and both get hurt
Or do I let go and let it grow on its own?
Do I say goodbye and just give up on it?

No matter how much I love it
If I continue this, I'll continue bleeding
And she'll continue suffocating
How do I let her go?

Stop
Re-assess your life
Are you sure you're in the right path?
What if you're not?
Stop

Look
Look for what's better
Do you think it will make you happy?
And if it doesn't?
Look

Listen
To the beat of your heart
If it feels wrong why continue further?
And if its all wasted?
Listen

Rise
Up when you fall down
There's no other way to continue it all
Because everything will be fine
If you only
Rise

My dreams are whimsical tastes of happiness
Dreams of holding hands while walking in the cold evenings
Dreams of a perfect life with no signs of loneliness
Dreams of you sleeping in my arms in the warm mornings

My dreams involve every inch of your being
Dreams of your tight embrace and addictive kisses
Dreams of your warm breath while sleeping in cold nights
Dreams of being with you all my life, basking in your light

My dream is you and you alone
Without you in my arms is a nightmare
A nightmare that I pray never comes
A nightmare that I hope doesn't become reality

A life without your love is a nightmare
That I pray I don't wake up to one morning

She's someone you love
And someone you've hurt
No matter what you did
How far you've fallen
How distant you've become

She'll open her arms wide
Welcome you to her embrace
Give you rest after all the pain
She'll give you another chance
And she'll say
"No matter what, my son,
I'll still love you."

Its always been the same old story everyday,
The looping routine like movie scenes on replay,
Everything feels bland, dull and uninteresting,
God, I just wish for a change so thrilling.

It's always the same mistake
In every second, every minute actions I make
Everything has been controlled by anxiety
I wondered, when will my fears vanish and make things confidently.

This solitary life is a mess I want to flee
To leave it all behind, someone please take me
I'm left standing at a crossroads, waiting for that twist
Regardless of how long, for someone I don't want to miss

But seems I was blinded coz I can't see the light,
Or was I just looking for someone without noticing my might?
Standing in the rainy plains where the sky is gloom,
While hoping for someone to reach my hand in a place where I could be doomed

I hope to find you soon, pull you out of that dreaded fate
I'll be the one to quench your thirst, I hope I'm not too late
Someday we'll be together proud shouting each others names
And feels euphoria that we found each other in flames

For eons I have traveled alone
Wandering the stars and planets
For millennia I created and destroyed
I sought only perfection above all

I saw kingdoms rise
I saw empires crumble
I saw heroes born
I saw villains fall

Power was mine and mine alone
I was the master of my will
Lord of the invisible fate
I alone enjoy this divine existence

But loneliness still haunted me
My existence is my own bane
I guess even gods are vulnerable
When only chaos surrounds them

One day I descended to the earth
to live among the mortal souls
To manipulate with their fates and hearts
Business as usual for me

But in the midst of it all
The strings of fate were working
Pulling my heart towards
This unlikely twisted scene

There she was standing
A mortal soul who's beauty
Transcends the mortal to the immaterial
Then and there, I fell to the ground

Her auburn hair swayed with the wind
Her eyes twinkled of pure onyx
Her scent so sweet to the nose
Like jasmines blooming in full

The innocence in her heart so pure
The curvatures similar to a goddess
I wonder what I had in mind
When I created her to life

Who would have thought
that even gods would fall in love
Fate just made a cruel joke
But even so, I was meant to be here

I have seen it all
I have felt everything that is
Yesterday was a thousand years
Tomorrow is just the next second

But here I was, falling for her
The only time when a god
Fell in love with Mortality
Falling in love with her Humanity

Years have passed like mere seconds
I watched her age, her face becoming frail
Her body weakening rapidly
Slowly crushing my fallen heart

I know Death comes for her soon
and I know her life with me is almost done
But a life without her love is impossible for me
A gaping hole that even eternity cannot fill

I love her from the stars and back
I love her in my dreams and my reality
I loved her when I first breathed her life
And I'll love her still as I face the end of time

Her life is a blimp in the universe
but to me she was everything
I would trade eons of my existence
Just to see her smile again momentarily

My legs feel heavy
My muscles stiff
My eyes looking bleak
My heart barely beating

God I feel so tired
Every day has been a cycle
Walking in the same pace
As everybody else in this world

I need a break
An adrenaline rush
That makes me feel
Life is worth living

I need a change in pacing
I have to get over this phase
Gotta wake up and slap my face
And get out of this stressful daze

God I feel so burned out
The embers in my youth
Slowly dying out
I may cease to function soon

My mind is playing with me
In a game I know I will lose
Talking myself out of this
Wrestling with my thoughts

I'm lost in my paranoia
Imprisoned in the walls I built
The whispers are deafening
The screams are silent

I'm running out of time
I'm slipping to insanity
How does one get free
From all this absurdity

Its a game of fools
Its a pointless showdown
That leaves us with no choice
But to participate in anguish

You turned me into something else
Fooling me with false happiness
That even now I lie to myself everyday
With hopeless thoughts of being saved

I'm losing myself
To my psychotic tendencies
And I guess I'm in that state
That I don't want to be saved anymore

I'm tired of letting people in
I'm tired of asking for a savior
I'm tired of seeking redemption
In fact, I only seek assimilation

No more screaming for help
No more reaching for heaven
I'm storming the road to hell
I'm embracing my demons

No more roses for angels
No more goddesses to worship
No more queens to kneel down to
With open arms I welcome this atheism

I am my own demon
And I will keep myself satiated
I will feed my insanities
And I will be the devil you painted me to be

You came in
A gentle breeze in summer
A warm touch of sunlight
A cool drop of morning dew

You went out
A vicious winter blizzard
A chaotic typhoon
A raging storm of emotions

You left
A devastation like no other
A life unrepairable
A hole unfillable

Being loved is a gentle breeze
Being unloved is a chaotic storm

Gaining love makes you king
Loosing love leaves you a beggar

Wanting love is a summer kiss
Getting love is a heart-wrenching battle
Keeping love, an unforgiving war

Having you was my idea of love
Losing you..

I don't even know where to start over

The gods have fallen
From high up their mighty seats
From their regal and majestic thrones
Fallen down to human ground

The gods have fallen
Olympus crumbles down
As corruption takes over
Bending all the rules around

The gods have fallen
Their humanity ultimately showing
How easily they can give in
To the whispers of a madman

The gods have fallen
They have played puppets
To the machinations
Of an ambitious despot

The gods are dead
Lady Justice stabbed in the back
By her own magistrates
Scheming with unworthy tyrants

The gods are dead
And their supremacy extinguished
Now kissing the feet of one man
Whose hands are blotched by injustice and ******

The Court has fallen
Its gods are dead
The country bitterly weeps
Afraid of what happens next

Oh Pearl of the Orient Seas
Your gods who uphold your laws
Have succumbed to their humanity
Rise up and fight against the impartiality
Bring life to Lady Justice again
Restore the Cloth of Impartiality on her eyes
Return to her the Sword and Scales
That they have taken away from her
Or else the future of your youth
Will remain ever bleak and vague

We're stuck in a fragile state
Hanging by a thinning thread
Standing on a melting winter lake
Struggling on a sinking ship

I'm pulling and you're pushing
In a discreetly vicious tug-of-war
We bare our emotions for each other
Yet we both end up getting hurt being together

Every night you're in my thoughts
Every day I'm on your mind
Insomniacs in an endless cycle
Worrying and doubting over their budding love

Is this the end?
Dancing slowly and cautiously as the music fades away
Do we let it end?
Even if the feelings pull us closer by the minute?

Why are we still at it?
Even if we're both bleeding
Injuries caused by each other
Yet I still choose to love you?

We're drifting in an uncertain stage
Taking a shot at love against odds
Even if the odds are us ourselves
I choose to be with you still

How about you?
Will you stay here?
And bleed together with me?
Or leave me bleed by myself?

Him:
This is the last chance I can manage
The last chance I could pour it all out
The bottled up feelings I held for so long
The strong feelings I always had for you

I've been in love with you all this time
From the first time I laid my eyes on you
But because of the silly fears I had back then
I lost and wasted chances to make you mine

Years passed by like mere days
But these feelings were never diminished
They even grew stronger by the day
And they kept me up and awake each night

I hid behind my cowardly fears
Thinking that if I stayed the same
Maybe one day, you'll see through me
But instead of that awaited day, he came

Tomorrow you'll walk down the aisle
In the most beautiful version you could be
Walking towards the future of your life
With me only watching by the sidelines

Tomorrow you'll finally be his wife
While I hold my peace forever
But tonight I'll be coming clean
So only for tonight, please listen to me

All this time, I loved you
Even at this very moment
I love you still so much
It kills me inside that you won't be mine

Your happiness is what I always had in mind
Even if that happiness doesn't come from me
I wish you all the best in your future married life
I hope he fulfills what I always wanted to do

I'll be fine on my own
I'll get over you someday
Though it may be hard
And may take me a long time


Her:
You never were the one for me
You didn't even mean that much to me
Back then you we're just a boy
And I still see you as a boy right now

A boy who took things for granted
Thinking that everything will turn out okay
Even when its obvious that he'll lose dearly
Because of hiding behind his baseless fears

But even then you were a boy
The boy who always stayed by my side
Of course I was bound to fall in love along the way
To the one whom my world revolves around

Stupid, dumb, foolish boy
You were always a pain in my heart
But you were there, right at the center
So insensitive of you not to notice

I had always been in love with you
Always waiting for the day you take heart
and courageously tell me what I always saw
That you also loved and cherished me too

But that day never came
Instead, he walked in my life
right when I was loosing all hope for you
becoming my fall back and my comfort zone

Still, I always had my eye on you
The first man I ever fell in love with
I guess first love really doesn't die
because even when I was with him, you stayed on my mind

When he asked my hand in marriage
I thought it was finally an escape from you
An unrequited love I always cherished
and finally be free from every memory of you

But now you come here facing me
Professing the love I always yearned for
Making me think of running away with you
and to finally be with the one I loved most

But instead, I'll give you just tonight
I'll make you regret every wasted time
I'll be yours for the last time
I'll give in to your love only for tonight


Both:
Let's take each other's hand
Be locked in each other's embrace
Slow dancing in a borrowed time
Staring longingly for the last time

Let our movements synchronize
with the music of our heartbeats
and the pacing of our breaths
as we dance our first and last dance


Him:
Let me touch your face for the first and last time
Let me kiss you passionately before the sunrise
Let me be yours in the darkness of the night
Let me make love to you under the moon and starlight


Her:
I'll let you take me for the first and last rush
I'll let you kiss me from midnight 'til sunrise
I'll make you mine only in the darkness of tonight
I'll make love with you bathed in moon and starlight


Both:
Slow the flow of time tonight
Please let us stay in this moment
Suspend us in a perpetual night
Let us stay here in each other's arms

We know forever is out of our reach
And that this love ends when sunlight comes
So please, let us stay this way for a while
Dear God, let us dance forever in this suspended time

Let the last of our kisses stay frozen forever
Don't let this reality be a bittersweet memory
Please let us cherish each and every second
Please let us savor each tender moment

You were a surprise
Something that never crossed my mind
An unexpected encounter
That would change me forever

I always thought that
If I work hard and with passion
I could get anything I want
Never have I been so wrong
As then and there
Right in front of you
While I choked on my feelings
and opened my heart
Fate dashed this innocence
In just a quick instant

I've always wanted you
Just to be beside you
Breathing the same air
Sharing the same moment
Laughing on the same jokes
Holding hands
Locking in embraces
Eating at the same place
and sharing the same food
Reading together the same books
Sleeping on your lap
While my mind flutters around you
Dreaming about a tomorrow
where we do the same things all over again
and being happy with each other
Being content with this life
That I wanted to share with you
How innocent of a dream
and yet Fate is a cruel thing

I always thought that I could reach you
I could be with you through think and thin
That you could want me the way I want you
Is it wrong for me to be in love with you?
Why does loving you passionately
end up being a punishment on me?
Why is it that when I only yearn to be with you
I end up living and loving alone?
I always thought that you were already mine
And yet in the end, you've always been out of my reach?
Why is it that when you were with me, you were always content
and yet when with him, you dare to dream even further?
Why can't my love for you prosper
while his love for you bears all the fruits of my labor?
I don't understand why a wish so innocent
can be trampled and forgotten in an instant twist?

I guess I was only chasing stars
Trying to catch a love
That was never mine in the first place
The lonely nights come passing by
Every day burning quickly
Like embers on a windy night
Trying to forget the memories
you shared with me
Trying to forget the dreams
you made me yearn to achieve
Even though forgetting you stings
I'll do it
I can't stay stagnant on you
I'll have to move on
even if it still hurts
I'll push on
Until you are completely
Out of my system
and out of my reach