Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
Mar 2022 · 350
clouds in the sky
Jean Mar 2022
I’m scared of this
What’s between us
I think you deserve better than me
You’re going to say it’s not true
And I’ll believe you
I’ll believe you

I’m in the stage
where I am intimidated by you
and
by what we have
and
by what you mean to me

This fear will pass though
Like clouds in the sky
they will pass by
this will pass by
3.2.22
Mar 2022 · 661
Being Alive
Jean Mar 2022
What is being alive?
If not to grow
and I choose to grow
with you
3.1.22
Mar 2022 · 372
Unbarring
Jean Mar 2022
this unbarring of my soul
that’s called poetry
Is a stripping off of my clothes
and showing you the hidden parts of me
and I want you to see me
I want you to see me
and all my scars
and all my stretch marks
I want you to see my anger and my pain
I want you to see my weakness and my sin
I want you to see my joy
Because in the end it all points back to Him
and that is the most beautiful thought
Most beautiful thought
2.28.22
Feb 2022 · 2.2k
Hold Your Hand
Jean Feb 2022
I don’t understand why you love me
I don’t think I ever will
where I see stretch marks
because my stomach swelled
you see change
where I see scars
because life was too much
and I needed to release some of the agony inside me
you see healing
where I am disgusted
you are patient
and sit with me in my pain
and ask to hold my hand

I don’t understand why you love me
I don’t think I ever will
but I understand that you do
and even when your love is beyond me
and I am scared of it
I will be patient
and I will sit with you in my discomfort
and ask to hold your hand
2.27.22
Feb 2022 · 493
poem in stats
Jean Feb 2022
bored out of my mind
i already get this
please get me out of here
i want to talk to you
2.24.22
Feb 2022 · 1.9k
Goodnight/Goodbye
Jean Feb 2022
I look forward
to the day
that I can say goodnight
but not
goodbye
2.23.22
Feb 2022 · 799
Tonight
Jean Feb 2022
Tonight you sat down
Scouring through love letters
written by your grandparents
Johnny was in the Philippines
And Ena was back home
I wish I were there with you
No mask
No distance
I wish I were there with you
Pouring over love letters and
Not needing to write them
2.22.22
Dec 2019 · 169
Another Year Over
Jean Dec 2019
Another year over...
And I’m happy to leave it behind.
Despite the sweet sweet memories
I collected
I’ve found that rock bottom has a basement
where I still sit.
Composed 12.14.19
Aug 2019 · 103
Illness
Jean Aug 2019
I feel dead inside
but that’s what this illness does
-it tears and it rips,
it convinces you that there is no hope left,
it leaves scars running up your wrists and thoughts,
it eats your heart alive
and spits out the chewed up pieces.
Composed 9.1.19
Aug 2019 · 98
Everything
Jean Aug 2019
I’m all alone,
sitting on the concrete ground,
tears ready to spill my eyes.
I’m in between
feeling
nothing
and everything.
Composed 9.1.19
Jun 2019 · 324
Fine China
Jean Jun 2019
My heart is in pieces.
It’s crumbling.
My heart is in pieces.
It’s shattering
as if it were glass thrown against the ground,
as if it were a fine china that had been beat by a hammer.
It feels like it can never be put back together.
Composed 6.25.19
May 2019 · 193
Human Companionship
May 2019 · 143
Dear Summer
Jean May 2019
Dear Summer,
        
Where are you?
I know you have barely begun
But I cannot see you
All I can see is white clouds all the way to the horizon
Not even a patch of blue sky
Among all the endless grey
It seems that ’dull white’
has quickly become the only time of day
other than night
Where are you?
Composed 5.19.19
May 2019 · 124
Over You
Jean May 2019
I love you,
but I don’t want to.
Although your beauty is beyond compare
there is a pain
as sharp as a knife
in knowing that what I desire
is not something I can ever hold,
that what I want
is that which you despise.
So I am already
over you.
Composed 5.18.19
Jean May 2019
And though you feel like
you have been handed a grenade
with the pin pulled out,
you don’t know that I plan to jump on it
and take all the shrapnel and metal for you
so there is no need to worry, darling,
I am already
over you.
Composed 5.18.19
May 2019 · 157
Smile
Jean May 2019
You always smile
like you’re going to cry
like your heart is one step from breaking
and your patience is wearing thin
Composed 5.15.19
Apr 2019 · 352
Hanging by a Thread
Jean Apr 2019
I’m hanging by a thread
and the rope is close to snapping,
but I’m not sure if it is a thing of despair
or hopefulness.
Composed 4.24.19
Apr 2019 · 221
Here, Here
Jean Apr 2019
“Here, here. This way!”
A voice calls
and I follow.
Composed 4.1.19
Mar 2019 · 110
White Noise has Taken Over
Jean Mar 2019
The white noise had taken over.
My heart is a no-go.
Please restart it, Lord.
I know you can.
Composed 3.28.19
Mar 2019 · 214
The Foot of Your Cross
Jean Mar 2019
Lord please meet me here
at the foot of your cross.

I will bow down
right before you,
sing my praise
to your name.
For uou have done
such great things for us.
You have called
your heaven down
to the broken world below you.
O! You cleanse
me to the shade
of your innocence.
For you heal the world
after we broke it.

Lord please meet me here
at the foot of your cross.
Composed 3.21.19
Mar 2019 · 158
Reasoning
Jean Mar 2019
Why am I sad?
I don’t know.
I never do.
Composed 3.13.19
Mar 2019 · 154
One Last Note
Jean Mar 2019
If I could fade into music
I’d fade into
the sound
of you
Composed 3.1.19
Feb 2019 · 75
To Fix Me
Jean Feb 2019
I hate that you care.
I hate that you do,
because I’m not getting better
anytime soon.
That’s not something I can do.

I hate that you worry.
I hate that you do,
because I can’t take any more worry
just inside this room.
That’s not something I can do.

I hate that you love me.
I hate that you do.
and although I love you,
I’m incredibly afraid
that someday I’ll hurt you.
That’s not something I can do

I hate that you are the only one to fix me
in a world
that just can’t stop breaking.
because emotions are too hard,
feelings too complicated,
and life too scary
when I can’t see my cards,
and I fear that you hate me
for your unique ability
to fix me.
That’s not something I can do.
Composed 2.26.19
Feb 2019 · 207
Song of The Silence
Jean Feb 2019
I will not leave for the song of the silence.
I refuse to accept it’s invitation to it’s welcome embrace,
in which I would suffocate.

I will not leave for the song of the silence.
I will not join in its catastrophic symphony of darkness
no matter how tempting the sound.

I will not leave for the song of the silence.
I dare not risk meeting the mute of that gently wrapped bed,
no matter how much I need the sleep.

I will not leave for the song of the silence.
Not if it means leaving you.
Composed 2.20.19
Jean Feb 2019
“Are you okay?“
somebody asks me.
“Yes.”
I tell them,
but I wish I weren’t lying.
Composed 2.17.19
Jan 2019 · 242
Empty Pages
Jean Jan 2019
I flip through my notebook
of empty pages,
and I can imagine
the way they would
full of color
my color,
but I am afraid to ruin one page.
So I just flip through my notebook
of empty pages.
Composed 1.30.19.

But I do know someone who could color them perfectly.
Jan 2019 · 165
Cup of Coffee
Jean Jan 2019
It’s another late night
with these thoughts in my head,
with a cup of coffee I probably shouldn’t had,
with these dreams I’m squeezing, trying to not let ‘em go.
Composed 1.26.19
Jan 2019 · 148
Passengers
Jean Jan 2019
I open my mouth
wrestling the words off my tongue
like they are passengers
that refuse to walk their plank.
and when I finally think I’ve pushed
them
off
into the storming sea should they go—
dissolved by the darkness of the waves
and the crescendo of the foam.
but nothing dares stumble out in the land between my lips,
instead the passengers find themselves
to the vacuum of hopelessness
that awaits it.
Composed 1.9.19
Jan 2019 · 140
Pieces of Me
Jean Jan 2019
You were the first person
to hold
the pieces of me
that I couldn’t give up
Composed 1.1.19
Jan 2019 · 123
New Blue
Jean Jan 2019
New Years
New You

New Fears
New Blue

We all wish to be painted in new colors
But we don’t always get to choose
Composed 1.1.19
Dec 2018 · 172
We Could Only Die
Jean Dec 2018
“For God did not appoint us to suffer wrath but to receive salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ.” (1 Thessalonians 5:9 NIV)

We could only die.
That is all we could do.
Let ourselves be burnt
to the sound of roaring flames.

He loved us so much,
that when He saw the tongues of fire
that sputtered by our feet
and bit at our own ankles
and knew that we could only die in the flames.
He burned himself
with the hope we’d all escape,
but never the guarantee.
Composed 12.5.18
Dec 2018 · 122
Bleeding/Nothing at All
Jean Dec 2018
My heart is heavy
and it’s weighing on my soul,
which is screaming,
getting out of control,
and now I am bleeding.
I am no longer full,
as my heart is reeling
because I feel nothing at all.
Composed 12.2.18
Dec 2018 · 171
Catatonic
Jean Dec 2018
My heart has turned catatonic.
I’m ready to explode.
All it takes is one good touch
and I’m ready to implode,
but I won’t admit it
untill I have given up my all.
Composed on 12.2.18
Nov 2018 · 116
All Over Again
Jean Nov 2018
I play this game with myself
It’s in then out
Up then down
When flying turns to falling
and then back to flying again

It’s alone
then sadness
then panic
and then all over again
all over again
Composed 11.8.18
Nov 2018 · 278
She is Spiraling
Jean Nov 2018
And she is spiraling
faster and faster
and the longer it lasts
the more she knows she’s falling down
and the less she can do to stop it-
-the less I can do to stop it.
Composed 11.2.18
Nov 2018 · 165
Eyes
Jean Nov 2018
I stumbled upon
the world
in your eyes
as the green and blue
swirled together.
Composed 10.31.18
Nov 2018 · 180
A Night in The Desert
Jean Nov 2018
A Night in the Desert
unlike any other night.
This is where the sun gets go heavy
and falls out of sight.

A Night in the Desert
unlike any other night.
This is where the moon shines the brightest
as the stars can all tell

A Night in the Desert
unlike any other night.
This is where moon guides peace towards us
and wishes us all well

A Night in the Desert
unlike any other night.
This is where the water runs little
yet our spirit runs high

A Night in the Desert
unlike any other night.
This is where mountains sleep for us
and the canyons as well
Composed on 10.20.18
Oct 2018 · 251
Relapse
Jean Oct 2018
Relapse.
Is that what this is?
I’m drowning instead of breathing again.

Relapse.
Is that what this is?
Because I’m feeling more awake than alive.

Relapse.
Is that what this is?
Because I no longer have feeling inside.
Composed 10.28.18
Oct 2018 · 201
Dancing in Circles
Jean Oct 2018
I can’t get myself out of my head
Dancing in circles, I can’t catch what I said
Over and over and over again
I catch myself believing that this is the end
Composed 8.28.18
Oct 2018 · 289
Lethe
Jean Oct 2018
Anxiety.
It drops down the back of my neck
like water,
but not water.
It’s like water from the river Lethe.
It makes me forget
what I know to be true.
It makes me forget
the truths that I should know,
the truths that you tell me,
and the truths that are undeniable, still-

I am forced to drink
from the River Lethe.
Composed 10.24.18
Oct 2018 · 260
I Want to Write Something
Jean Oct 2018
I want to write something.
I want to feel the words dripping from my fingers
like they are a faucet of poetry.
I want to feel all the similes and metaphors
run through my veins.
I want to write something.
Composed 10.23.18
Oct 2018 · 237
The Painter
Jean Oct 2018
“I’m not the girl I used to be,”
said the observant she.

“I was a once perfect white
and now my skin has bore my fight.”

But what she had realized not
Was what the Painter thought.

For what she saw to be an ending
was what He saw to be the beginning.
Composed on 10.17.18.
Jean Oct 2018
I had a dream last night.
You came up to me
and brushed my hair behind me ear
and you whispered something.
Something.

It was quiet as a summer breeze,
warm and slow and gentle,
but I couldn’t hear it quite properly.
“Can you say that again?”
So you did it all again.
You brushed my hair away from my ear
and leaned in
and whispered,
“I love you.”
I blushed red;
my lips stretched to smile.

You left a kiss on my cheek
before you drew away.
Your hand still in my hair,
your kiss still lingered on my cheek,
and on my cheek was the blush still painted.
I stumbled with my words-
they fell straight from my mouth
like raindrops-
“I love you too.”

And then I woke up.
My eyes flew open.
My arms reaching for you.
But you weren’t there.
No.
You never were.
Composed 10.16.18
Oct 2018 · 259
Allegro
Jean Oct 2018
I have feet.
They get my flow.

Their freedom- they often forgo
to move me to and fro.

They never slow,
but I admit, although,

they pursue an allegro,
they will always fall just bellow.
Composed 10.8.18
Oct 2018 · 118
Difference
Jean Oct 2018
I believe
There is a difference between
Lying
And being afraid
To tell the
Truth

And that’s why
I cannot simply
Do one
Composed on 10.8.18
Oct 2018 · 203
Tangible
Jean Oct 2018
I felt my life
It flashed before my eyes
I felt it slip away
Like it was a tangible thing
Something that sprints and runs and flees

But it’s okay
But it’s okay now
Composed 10.6.18
Oct 2018 · 231
Today, God Gave Me Shoes
Jean Oct 2018
Today I met God at a crossroads

At first I stood there alone
My feet were bare
My heart my own

I looked at both paths
That lay before me
Both straight- both flat

I turned to my guide
And tried to ask
“Which should I decide?”

Yet before I could speak
Or make a sound
He knew what I should have seeked

“For these two paths are not yours
For they end the same,
They have no lure,
But there is a better one.”

Then I saw a brand new path
With shards of pain and shattered glass.
He showed me a rocky footpath.

“This one is yours.” He said.
“You will find Heaven at the end.”
I felt my heart fill with dread.

“But my feet will burn
From all the cuts.
How am I to walk this one?”

“You must walk with me.”
He said.
With my question answered, he let me be.

At first I thought I was alone
But then I found my heart resewn
It was no longer my own

Then down I looked
To my feet
And I found them covered

Today,
God gave me shoes.
Composed 10.3.18
Jean Sep 2018
I had a dream last night.
You were next to me
And I had to kiss you
Just because
you were too you.

You kissed me back
But then you pulled away
“Wait,”
You said,
“Wait,
I gotta tell you something.”
You went on and on about some uncle
Until you finnaly got to the point
“I love you”
and I kissed you
and you kissed me
And I pulled away
To say
“I love you too.”

And then I woke up.
My eyes flew open.
My arms reaching for you.
But you weren’t there.
No.
You never were.
Composed on 9.28.18
Sep 2018 · 214
A Lament of What Was Left
Jean Sep 2018
“Divide it among nobody!”
they say,
“Share it with the numbers!
Feed it to the armies that await!
Don’t let the dead starve in their graves-
For they hunger and thirst most of all.
Let the water grace their lips!
Let the it splash upon the despised desert
that once was a field full of flowers.
Let food fill the stomach with a stormful sea!
Let their harbor rest in peace!
For they hunger like a haggard man holding on for hope.
Let them take a breathe and exhale it.
Let their lungs fill with life so they can shout and sing!
Let their brains buzz and be, so ours no longer must!
-For only they have the notes and the lyrics to sing what once was dear!
For they only can sing the long forgotten years!
Let us not forget their voices in vain!”
they shout,
“why should we let their bare bones be satisfied in their somber slumber?
For they only are in alive in a memory,
Only awake in one’s sleep-
And even those shall cease to be!”
They say,
“Please listen to our candid pleas.
We speak for those who do not speak.
Their whispers only leave a faint trace of beguile on a painted cheek
that grow quieter and quieter still.
For they wish to be more than teachers
whose mistakes and triumphs are showcased for all to see.
They wish to be more than di’en.
They wish to be alive like you and me.”

They were wrong.
Composed on 9.6.18, when I should have been taking notes.
Sep 2018 · 295
A Feast of Red and Gray
Jean Sep 2018
Brother, shall we safely be?
For there is no place to ‘scape a falling tree.

Brother, shall we not hear the sound?
For their trunks of thunder hit the ground.

Brother, shall we lest our sorrow weigh?
For the forest is capped with snow of grey.

Brother, shall we taste the food on our plate?
For we only eat charcoal that lies in our wait.

Brother, shall we claim?
For this forest crumbles for our flame.

Brother, shall we make it past this hour?
For even the forests are hurt by their flowers.
Composed on 9.6.18.
Next page