It’s hard to be your own person,
to move your singular body in its own direction,
when every corner is already crowded by other thoughts.
Your limbs brimming with self-loathing again, brilliant.
Bubbles of spit boasting as they frame your thirsty lips.
You’re picking blood-stained fingernails with yellowing teeth that never knew the curling cradle of a smile.
At a loss for embrace,
Fake hair plastered by stained sweat to your forehead.
There, in the hollows of your forehead, permanent lines appear prematurely, paving the way for the end of your rabbit hole, spiraling.
Head so full of heavy thoughts that your necks snaps.
When you come to my thoughts
You are none other than the billowy embodiment of a reminiscent memory
and also a current everlasting longing
You are the memory of a being or idea
one can feel and remember vividly
but can not zero in on,
for you are the intangible
the winding wind
You are those spiraling twines that place intermittent along grapevines
You are the ancient scrolls from wise days before paperback
You are the spin in the reaching center of a handcrafted wreath
And within all these
individualities and collective,
Lies your scent comprised of multiple scents
You are the mighty togetherness
Your arrival to earth escaping from birth
gave these words to the minds of the kind
You are the winding wind who spins and twines, wreathes and scrolls who lands from time to time and when you do drop for a spell
This location of harboring landfall
is a day of new tradition,
the first step you take on new land on that new day
Becomes the origin of a new holiday
In my thoughts you are the mortar of the earth
Alice! You’re falling down the rabbit hole!
Losing yourself whole.
All of your free time spent,
Chasing this descent.
You named this place 'Wonderland'
You think it is so grand
Just remember dear,
We're all mad here!
Down the rabbit hole I go
Spiraling and falling,
I can't see the ground below
So many wonders and mysteries
This place, my Wonderland,
But lurking are the ghosts of an unwanted history.
To be honest
I can feel myself slipping,
I barely slept at all last night,
I didn’t take my B12 today,
And tomorrow doesn’t look much better
I’m slipping, spiraling, sprawling
and I don’t think anyone notices
Or would really care
I’m not a poet
Nor do I want to be
But my heart is torn,
My mind a disaster
I’ve fallen farther than Alice
And I don’t care
that no one cares
I know I’m falling,
And I’m not trying to stop
I rather like it
It is dark
there is not enough sun here
to make you feel okay again
and you may be in the sunshine state
but your insides are the deep hollowed
the shadows cast on the cement
there is no reprieve
there is no intermission
there is just tired and exhausted and
falling too many times to count
constantly finding ways to survive
through this cycle
through this rough patch
it's the third time this week you've
cried yourself to sleep and its
only Tuesday morning
but somehow you remember that
even with each breaking feels like
so ******* close to the edge
that even though each falling feels
like you might never breathe again
somehow you remember that you
have been here so many times before
and there may be no reprieve
and there is definitely no intermission
but even though tired and exhausted and falling
you have survived this far
you may not be sure you'll ever
make it out of the shadows
but you're pretty **** sure
you'll keep on surviving anyway
this is about my personal experience with "depression"
Sometimes I neglect the people I love
And who are good to me and never let me down
Because I’m caught up on the people who failed me
Why do we all but lose ourselves over people like that
If the energy I put into trying to help
Someone who won’t even help themselves
Was spent on the people that deserve it
I would be person of the year every year
When there’s nothing left to talk about
When you’ve said the same thing over and over
And you aren’t getting anywhere because no one is listening
What do you do?
It’s like talking to a wall
Asking it to move
Don’t remember when the wall went up
But it’s there and there’s no way around it
What do you do
Try to climb over it break it down
Year maybe for a while until you realize you’re getting no where
Then you do the inevitable, walk away
Oh to go fishing in the heart.
To feel the gentle breeze of breath as it expands lungs.
Oh to go drifting in the heart.
To feel its energies caress as it plays inside grand song.
Oh to go dancing in the heart.
To feel the power flowing to expand my graceful steps.
Oh how grand it is to go spiraling, swirling, gyrating into heart.
The place where wisdom and safety lives.
StarBG © 2017
it truly is a gift to look at all things with gratitude and allow the divine spirit to flow within. There is where we find a paradise of expressions and freedom.
To live in heart and move gracefully with its beat.... that is where I choose to live, even when darkness comes for I know the dark is temporary, as my essence is light.
Leave it alone
I've done all I can and now it's time to go
Perhaps I'll drive home
This bottle once spoke now it screams through my throat
And I swear to you I feel alive
As I swerve from lane to lane, from left to right
Don't try to stop me now; I can feel again
But I promise I'll still crash the ******* car just the same.
I swear to you, I felt alive.
But maybe I didn't want to be.
The feeling of the need for gouging out your eyes so that you can't watch someone walk away...