I wouldn't simply flick the brush
in regards of painting you;
You're more than that to me.

I'd stare up high looking at the real ones
and use them as reference,
to at least be able to paint you in the same league...

You've captivated me
unlike any other nebula I've seen.
To the point, that urging myself to look away
and move on comes to the scene—

Because my mum told me
to never look at the sun directly.
Funny, how I never listen
knowing I got blinded by you.

However,
I also think of you as the moon.
Cold and very far away,
Unable to reach you.
I'm no astronaut,
But if I could—I would.

You've got me wishing for you,
Like lovers longing for each other.
But you are a star,
and I am but a man.

I'm nowhere near
the level of other women,
I'm mediocre at best.

But, I would have painted you better
than any other woman could.

Your love is a music box,
a melody that surrounds me;
it intoxicated me.

Love me now,
so that I can feel safe

Love me now,
so I feel complete

Love me now,
so all worries bid goodbye

Love me now,
so I won't be wanting things;

Things I can't have

Love me now,
so I won't be paranoid

Love me now,
so I can escape this everlasting winter snow

Love me now,
so I can be in your arms

Love me now,
so I won't feel like an empty vessel

Love me,
like those people with happy endings

Love me,
so I can feel warm

Love me now,
so I can breathe

Love me now,
so I can see

So I can live...
Yet I can't force you, not because I know that it is wrong
I'm just too tired now.

uoy ot gnis I
seuh derettahs fo yballul a
htrow dna ytilaudividni fo snoitcarfer

kni gniyrc neeb ev'uoy
em revo lla deraems
ynnuf s'ti, das os gnikool


                           
I sing to you
a lullaby of shattered hues
refractions of individuality and worth

you've been crying ink
smeared all over me
looking so sad, it's funny

'sit scriptor aspiret invicem'

       Should we?
              we already are.
                     Each other we paint;
                                  "blood from thee."

one drop of fruitless satisfaction
two spoonful of unease
three teaspoons of emptiness
four quarts of loose tears

a handful of frustration,
pints of jealousy
gallons of heaviness
dozens of music,
and a sea of thoughts

but a drop is enough for me to drown
My teeth hurts...

.
sugar, sweet, tooth-rotting ache
you're my sugarboo, you leave such a lovely taste---
an obsession that I will not take.

uoy ot gnis I
seuh derettahs fo yballul a
htrow dna ytilaudividni fo snoitcarfer

kni gniyrc neeb ev'uoy
em revo lla deraems
ynnuf s'ti, das os gnikool

mecivni teripsa rotpircs tis

                            ?ew dluohS
                 ;era ydaerla ew
          tniap ew rehto hcaE
eeht morf doolb

Rich, powerful,
with stunning beauty of a goddess,
That's you.

Yet, I do not hold any permanent loyalty.
I give them to anyone I see fit,
and you---are not worthy of that luxury;

"Not anymore."

Blue skies, city lights
in this broad planet
You can feel small,
and you'll never know why

Look at the mirror,
let out a pitiful sigh
Ask your reflection, "who am I?"
only to never hear a reply

You look away;
as silence pierces through your lungs,
you ask the person in front of you
if you were good
.
.
.
.
.
.
enough


"no," they said.

You shall yearn for things you cannot attain,
envy to bring thyself more excruciating pain,
tell one the untruth just like you do to, I.

Face the mirror,
find yourself,
and meet me in due time.

Everyone is walking,
and I'm here
standing alone

Time crashed
like waves--in the ocean
whilst it halted as
the shouts of silence began

I stood there til' the sun came to withdraw
from the moon's night sky;
All there is was the cold night breeze,
while the moon and stars accompany me

-Br.

i wish i was a dinosaur
free with broad lands to soar
dead but has the world to adore

yet here i am sitting on the floor
with thoughts stored
like a wooden box

i am at war with myself
such a chore

tears hide behind the door
i can't take it anymore

The cold seeps through the beggar's hands,
Clinging for warmth, slowly fading.
The sun is far from him right now,
He cannot chase it.

His sun shined away from him;
For he is no use,
For he is not special,
For he is but a dog.

Obligated to stay and be abandoned;
Abruptly and forced to wait,
With no warmth and sunlight.

The man can be replaced but not the sun.

I've lied
but don't we all?

As we grow,
a part of us dies.

Like an onion skin
layers of lies envelop me
They said that I've changed,
yet I don't know which way

I've played pretend,
tried masks and
eventually forgot
which one was
truly mine.

It's funny how I always think of you,
as my sanctuary, someone I can run back to,
and tell that "I love you,"

But all there is a wonderful raconteur
that filled you with alluring words and beauty
All you are is a piece of art;
an illustration of imagination

I am head over heels for you
despite knowing how troublesome;
it is to me

In the end, all I can say--is that;
"She is my Wonderwall,"

I'm not selfish!
You haven't experienced the weight and woe
that accompany me with each tick of the clock;

I was--no;
I always disapproved of the things I've done,
I've regretted trusting with such nativity,
I always offered too much

I wanted to be accepted,
so I did what I thought I should do.
I tried changing myself,
I attempted to be like them, and
to somehow be similar.

It was of pure envy,
I wanted to be like them
Attractive, and having
countless friends

I wanted and needed;
And, instead of being envious,
I was greedy or maybe both;

I kept on suppressing my own emotions,
I push back the tears before they even form.
I would look unpleasant if I allow them to fall.

With an effort to perfect myself,
I desperately tried to improve with
the talent that I possess.
I was frustrated
each time it looked--so horrible.

Yet, blinded by my own perfectionism,
I overlooked the progress made.

"What a fool,"

I'll let go of this pencil
that continues to draw this
head filled with imagination

"behead me,"
and bring the endless ache of being
an insufficient being;
in this ideal world

'filled with feelings, pens & paint,'

I've dreamt of floating near the coral reef,
with fishes swarming around me
Although concerns swallow it,
I'm afraid to dive deeper.

The flowers of Anhedonia grows upon me,
Its roots engulf my whole being.
Serendipity long lost, Only the remains of this wintercearig feeling inside this small yet feeble vessel.
I don't know what to do or what to say; maybe to fill up that satisfaction I crave.
Mind slowly turning insane,
I keep things to myself, and that's all that I can say.
All the florets blossom in the longing shade;
of darkness that might never fade,

Anhedonia.

Half full yet...
I keep
dripping,
spilling,
crying,
breathing.

Everything creeps up,
and I empty myself.

I empty... myself?
They empty me.

Thoughts past zero degrees,
ice-cold breaths give me a mouthful of red.

empty cup, empty head,
an efficient way
to keep myself there.

Summer at your home;
thy embrace, warm.

Mondays of June,
those coffees with you
felt like love so true


-
....must we?

I knew how stupid I was,
to believe you
without a second thought

But, I wish you'd remember
the touches of care,
the way I ruffled your hair

I wish they comforted you
as my words were fruitless
to express worry

when loose tears appeared
and slipped down your cheeks

I liked you
despite the lies told

Now, that's passed
I'm the one who remembers
and you forgot.

I need a breather,
for I have set a timer,
in each fraction of my life

I've never tried running a marathon but,
I have always felt that I'm running out of time.

I want to let go of something I hold endeared,
it pains me so,
but it'll hurt me more
if I don't...
let go

When the time comes, I'd feel so numb and empty.
I really want to ask this to you.

Would you comfort me? Like how I comforted you?

Try all my best, like I did for you?

Despite that brewing storm inside me, would you come and rescue me?

Will you be there to wipe the melancholy tears as it falls like the heavy rain?

Can you make me happy, like how I try to do the same; just for you?

Would you care for me, Like I did for you?

All by Myself, In a room with no doors, just four corners. Alone in the dark.

What would you do?

I sat there talking with people,
but I seem like an invisible figure.

No one listened, so I still sat there, with a happy smile;
Pushing back tears while filling my head with lies,
Whelving those feelings away as I put on;

A pitiful disguise.

The thing about time is that it seems so long,
yet it can easily slip out of our hands

It seems so hazy,
one goes fast
one is slow
and there is this one
that feels like a dream

I don't want to let go of it;
don't run
don't walk

don't stop
don't go.

Another day passes by,
With me not knowing why.

A grin is plastered on my face,
Like a maniac running from something he hates;
yet I still enjoy the feeling of the chase.

The tension made it an ill-looking smile;
then the idea was washed over me.
I feel this way because...

I was useless.

I was useless yet did nothing to solve this problem.
I'll idly do something as I remember all the things that should've been done,

It haunts me

every second,

minute,

and hour.

I was a menace,
A menace to myself and everyone;
Felt like an actor reading a script.

But then again, someone said that life and all is like a play
And the world is a stage.

It makes everything feel surreal,
Like a living dream.

Long gone were the times where
we serenade with such love and promise,
the time where you prove everything to show it
in hopes of them reciprocating your calling

Now was when we give gifts, and chocolates,
along with a sea of flowery compliments
A simple "I love you." would do it,

While some prefer that comforting silence,
quiet but genuinely loving.

The appetite of a people-pleaser cannot be appeased,

due to the want of satisfying everybody's needs

everything has its perfect ratio,
a little bit of this, a little bit of that;

I should've maintained the status quo,
instead of putting concentrated things,
and giving a lot more.

-Br.

Love can't be the solution for all,
I'm alright dancing alone,
waltzing with echos in the halls

It might be lonely,
but I am enough to keep me company

Stay away from me,
If love would hurt, I'd love myself first
Shut the door; needing it isn't a necessity.

I'll have the red string untied,
free from the boundaries of love
Taking a meaningless joyride,
from dawn to midnight
taking in the world so wide
It's enough having a friend by my side.

-Br.

isolation has its familiarity,
as happiness is a drug
yet not as addicting as
misery.

"Please... Help me escape this reality and take me away;
So far away, send me to the world of fantasy. "

"Give me a door to the world of illusion, please..."

"Send me there, in hopes that I  find something that could fill that dissatisfied void inside of me,"

I'm such a coward. Who knew I had such feeble feelings?

Things like this aren't so necessary, right;?

Daydreaming is all I had;
And there's something I wanted to reach so bad.

I clutch onto the bars that keep me isolated. I see that ray of light;
it was merely inches away, yet it feels like miles apart from me.

Should I go and grasp for it?

Escape this prison of my mind and live in a life full of satisfaction?

Or will this thinking even get me far?

What if I failed?

Who will come to my rescue?

Who will save me from drowning in an ocean with no water as air stopped flowing down my lungs?

Can this heaviness be lifted?
This void within my chest?

If I was set free, who will accompany me in a vast world like this?

With this coop of thought that I have;
I'm no better than that person who was in a room with no doors, just four corners.

.
.
Oh, why must this be!
In this pretend society,
it proceeds to drown me in
insecurities, frustration, envy.

We are our very own droplets of the universe,
each person with uncharted galaxies
that not all people can descry

Most of us are prone to ire,
a single remark
can spark a fire

Fearing to be seen as imperfect,
we change the pure essence
of ourselves,
that very
moment

Do I even know me?

I started to think
if there was even a calm
before the storm,
our minds frantic,
and
I'm concerned
.
.
Life is a dance, never-ending!
A game of musical chairs,
with a sole chair for all of we

Unaware about the
hundreds of seats
surrounding it;

All this negativity
just because of a flaw
within
me
.
.
.
you,
and
everybody.

All the roses wither, the flowers fall,
and I see vines over the wall.

The chair where a little girl once sat on;
was tied down by the roots, left to rot away.
Accompanied by bones, and memories of one who was in dismay.

A stranger strolls across the worn-out halls,
Rustle, rustle the leaves say.
Silence screams in his head, with each step forward.

Splish-splash
The raindrops fall while tears
plummet to the floor;
Like your façade that affects all.

You came to me out of the blue, didn't you?
You came to me, yet left me so fast.
How could you?



How could you...

Please, tell me...
Tell me if you love me,
I still don't know what you think of me
My heart serenades for your love endlessly,
I won't bat an eye if all went down tragically

With my life of screaming melancholy,
tell me that you loved me.

too lonely,
too alone,

here I copy,
you're already gone.

We never stopped dealing with this procrastination,
but what is this fleeting elation?

The clock is moving in such motion,
one would think that it's your imagination;
Was it all an exaggeration?