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Brumous Apr 11
I cannot speak, I cannot hear
I shall not feel, and I do not think;

For I am a stone,
that is better to be thrown away
I just don't know the problem; Maybe right now, I am too desperate to be liked by people and fill that void of my unknown desires

I hate it.
Rebecca Oct 2020
I was told Rock Bottom is a sad place.
A land full of misery and disgrace.

Rock Bottom wasn’t bad at all,
I had quite a joyful ride taking that fall.

Lessons were learned in that enchanting city.
It taught me how to be grateful and not to wallow in self pity.

Everyone should visit Rock Bottom once or twice.
It is a great reminder of how amazing it is to be alive.

The most dazzling sight can be found at Rock Bottom’s pit,
just tilt your head up and you can see it.

A beacon of light that will sting your eyes,
rainbows that magically crystallize.

If you ever find yourself hitting Rock Bottom,
take heed that this is not an unfixable problem.

Do not let yourself become distraught.
Observe the lessons that will be taught.

Learn from them and let yourself grow,
to that beacon of light with the magnetic glow.
No other place to go but up! Might as well enjoy the scenery on your way to the top!
My choice of poison permits the world to fade.
Every sense inside of my body becomes dull and faint.
My lungs struggle to draw in air.
Each breathe falls short causing my chest to heave.

I can feel the bitter substance hurl my empty frame off of life’s edge.
My limbs are worthless as the stale air whips through my core.
They flail back and forth in the breeze throwing my perception of time farther away with each movement.
I am left wondering if there will be any warning before I reach my destination.

My surface hits the stone with an unsettling crack.
The asphalt kisses my flesh tauntingly.
The chill of the surface sends electrical currents through my body.
Its rough surface welcomes the warmth from my flesh.

Reality has finally sunk as low as I have in my cold abstract rock bottom.
I pray for someone to help me, and listen to my thoughts.
All my helpers  repeat the same empty sentences.
“You will get better.”, or “ This is just a phase.”

Overwhelmed, I watch them as they walk the level above me.
Their eyes are focused on their own horizon.
Leaving me as empty as I was before.
Reminding me that I have been alone for many years.

The obstacle course in front of me seems daunting.
Its perfect blocks seem never ending.
Each flight curves in whatever direction it chooses.

As I begin my journey, I attempt to hide my emotions and fears from the other souls that are passing through, but
I fail miserably for they see me right through my veil.
The railing slips through my fingers as they shove me aside
My frame becomes bruised from being pushed and pulled in different directions.
Exhaustion latches it's arms around my legs in attempt to slow my journey.

Thoughts trickle through my head as I attempt to conquer the barrier in front of me.
They do not filter their words as they voice their opinions
Flowing with ease, they invade my personal space.

Will my happiness ever come back?
Is there going to be any memories that I am going to be able to share with my family?
Should I leave this cold world that lacks luster and light?

I shove them back, and attempt to shake the uneasy feeling they left in their wake.
I know that no pleading is going to turn back time.
Nothing will make my past easier.
As I trek through the rocky terrain, I promise to become brave, to let my voice be heard, to face my fears, and to love life the way that it is supposed to be.
"Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life."~J.K. Rowling.
Jack Torrance Apr 2020
I stopped falling today,
and I’m finally free.
I reached the bottom,
where it’s too dark to see.

Panic and fear,
no longer have hold.
The anxiety’s gone,
all that’s left is the cold.

Now I can focus,
on the climb that’s ahead.
But for now I’m content,
that I’m alive and not dead.

The pain that I held,
deep inside me so long,
is finally receding,
as I accept all my wrongs.

No more tears or shame,
they can’t reach me anymore.
No more hateful thoughts,
waking up on the floor.

Now I know I can do this,
I just need find my feet.
But for now I’ll just lay here,
where hell and bottom meet.
alexa Feb 2020
it’s you.
the forbidden one that i’ve always been told is bad for me.
it’s you.

you are the reason i’ve hit my rock bottom.
my mother tells me i’m not the same.
i wish i could hit rewind back to autumn.

before i ever got addicted.
i never would’ve even considered you.
it’s almost as if this whole thing was scripted.

call me crazy but i don’t think i’ll ever get over you.
you’ve taken too much control.
i wish this whole situation wasn’t true.

i’m addicted to a drug.
but the drug is a human,
and the human is you.
i think i’m addicted to the thought of people. almost as if i make up a whole *** person in my head using someone that i know. ****** hate it.
A-McIntyre Jul 2019
caress my cheek, darkness please.
cover my body in flame and dip myself in acid.
ill bow to fear and loathing.
moonlight reborn, bathed in stars.
ill dive into the midnight pool, to cleanse me of my sins.
the current grabs my body, wrapping both my legs.
i feel the pull, of underground, and fight the urge to fight.
i look up to see a quarter moon through the waves.
with my last sigh, i let out soft bubbles of breath.
shortly after, eyes still wide open, i hit rock bottom.
Ruheen Jun 2019
This ship
I've sailed for years
Watch it crumble

Watch me land on an island
In the distance
Far from home

There's nothing for miles
But shades of blue
Watch me lose myself

Watch me as I fall
In to deep waters
I can't get out of

I can't do it anymore
I can't breathe anymore
Watch me suffocate

Watch me wail
As I choke on
My own tears

Everything blends together
It is all the same
Watch me let go

Watch me as I sink
To the bottom
I've hit rock bottom
Had this idea for a while.
When the weight on your shoulders becomes too much...
You sink.
I feel like I’m at the rock bottom of my life, feeling so worthless and all i do is blaming myself. I feel like I’m insane to hold the pang in my chest, the pressure of this world madness. Drowning in the deep of miserably and despair. Everything seems not in the line, so overwhelmed , and the hatred towards me has been growth. I don’t even know who i am, or where i am.
- it terrifies me, that i'm getting lost and neither can save me.
This is me now, during mental break down.
Laura Apr 2019
Long liquid breaths fill my lungs
An ache, born in my skull, spreads through my limp body
A rush of salt, and spasms.

This is what I want... what I’ve been waiting for

Fantasies of my swollen body, split in the sun
Pecked by seagulls, picked by *****

All of them I envy
They are real
I am not real. I never have been.
I wrote this in college. My professor’s only comment: “if this is how you really feel, you need to seek help”. By then I had felt this way for so long that I didn’t understand that it was abnormal. That was 25 years ago. Not long after, I was hospitalized and diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I’m lucky to be able to say that I only feel this way every few months, now. If you feel this way, know that you don’t have to. You can get help. Believing that it exists is the hardest part.
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