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870 · Nov 2021
all in vain..?
Brumous Nov 2021
.
.
.
melodies, delicacies & poetry
I indulge myself in these,
for I am drunk on emptiness
never to break free.


The life I am living as, is it--
I continue living as a corpse;
unbreathing.

-Br.
____
(I like to make the titles a part of my poems :] )


Isn't it lonely?
Brumous Oct 2021
I am a coward
with little to no integrity,
who only chooses
what satisfies me.
๐…๐ฎ๐๐ ๐ž๐ฅ= Pretending to work without actually accomplishing anything.
861 · Apr 2021
Absquatulate; a haiku
Brumous Apr 2021
I am hesitant
to pour less words on paper
left to drift away
this is my first time writing one; although right now---it's somewhat fun testing myself in trying something new; its not that good yet but, it is worth the try :D
827 · Mar 2021
Lonesome-fret
Brumous Mar 2021
I hear the subtle sky call my name,
as my head stoops down in shame

My tears pour like rain
while I try to numb this
non-existent pain

I caught sight of things I wanted to be
yet standing still fills me with jealousy

Here comes ye ignorance
caused by unease and a halt of time

Even one's sentiment
ye words failed to define
sometimes, these words don't even say the things I want to share
Brumous May 2023
Fret not for being the submerged stone below.
You may hit rock bottom, and there may be nowhere else to go.
The surrounding water will harbor you from the noise.

All that matters is that you do not decide that you are bound to be there forever.
Sending myself a poem because I know I have an unhealthy habit of punishing myself whenever something goes wrong.
811 · Oct 2021
newton's cradle
Brumous Oct 2021
the time that you told me to die
was painful that I didn't even try
slapping you

I don't know if you lied
but all I knew was it was possible
that you wished I did

I tried to make it up to you;
avoiding hurting you
with the fist,
and temper of mine

I just wished you noticed that I tried;

Yes, I've grown distant,
trying to find one's self;
I was occupied, sad, and alone.

Too busy to find friends,
that won't discard me when I needed someone

I guess that I pushed you away
so that you won't be like me.
An envious, gullible fool
but
as I did,
the more you become
a little more
like me.

We're the opposite of each other
but undeniably similar.
back and forth.
801 · Jun 2021
blanket
Brumous Jun 2021
my back feels empty
my heart does too
the bed doesn't cover it
the pillow I shield myself with
never do

right now,
i can't be satisfied
it just hurts,
my heart hurts

...physically
I've been feeling slight aching in my heart; it feels like it has been squeezed or something. I know that it hurts a little...

My back feels a little bit empty, but maybe I just wanted to be hugged like I hugged my friends. I wished they did it back...
Brumous Oct 2021
.
.
.
I wish for things
that I desire,
and to these thoughts
at the end of the night,
you always keep me up
underneath the moon-lit sky

No wonder, I held in that insignificant sigh,
Perhaps to start that eternal high.
782 · Jun 2021
shots
Brumous Jun 2021
If one can be drunk on love,
I'd rather stay sober
than having headaches
and the wretched pain
of a hangover.
I don't drink, alright.

edit: I changed hungover to "hangover," it was surely a typo since I needed to copy then paste it because the 502 thingies kept happening
773 · Feb 2021
Epiphany
Brumous Feb 2021
Harold Coffin once said that,
"Envy is the art of counting of other
people's blessing instead of your own"

No wonder I am not a masterpiece,
and only a white canvas.
751 · Oct 2021
intricate.
Brumous Oct 2021
.
.
what I feel is,
confusing, fragile,
and rapidly changing

I am no Shakespeare;
not good in words but,
just a person who chained themselves
and lost the key

I write to feel, to procrastinate,
and maybe to blow off steam;
Hoping that each work bleeds
the feelings I want you to feel

being a crybaby is hard,
when you can't cry;
being emotional is frustrating,
when everything is too much

you bleed inside,
when you want to
act on those feelings,
[Not everything; can be expressed freely.]
That feeling is clawing
from the very depths of your being

They want to be free, do they not?
Despite that, they'll call you crazy
for feeling such things

Better to be rational
yet, they'll call you heartless
maybe something balanced would do

overwhelming feelings is a crime,
I guess dad told me why.

Society and its reality is relentless
a few several mistakes and
everything is in flames,
before you know it
was it me or you?

-Br.
____

Sing for me.
703 · Feb 2021
18.02.21
Brumous Feb 2021
My love for you is inchoate.
No, not chocolate.
I may not be as sweet
but I'll be something worth craving for.

And, good enough to be loved back.
676 · Jun 2021
9:14
Brumous Jun 2021
A tear slipped
down your cheeks
so, I asked โ€‹if you were okay

but you brushed it off
and didn't answer
675 · May 2021
pt.1
Brumous May 2021
Reaching out,
what was out of reach
the mountain of air
built by the ignorant, I
-

ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย a waterfall
forms an empty sea

-
shouts of anguish
ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย  , whispers

ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย  to

ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย  m e

-
a faucet
with nothing to;
bleed

-
n(a)ive girl
weeping from the sounds
of mockery
I feel so angry, sad and I hate myself.

As irritating as it is, I can't seem to cry even if I want to.
671 · May 2021
Your name
Brumous May 2021
I tell the made-up stories of raconteurs
pouring their hearts out on empty paper

I help people learn, love, and laugh;
They dream with others as a source of
happiness, hope n' stuff

'your name' appears in books
that makes people cry

I am somehow a sanctuary of
people with dreams that remain fruitless
They use my name to fantasize about the times
they can never fully feel;

I, y/n.
Y/n is used in books called 'x readers,' y/n is an abbreviation of 'your name';
I wrote this from the perspective of y/n but, it isn't in the pov of the reader.

Y/n can be anyone, honestly.
645 · Jul 12
storm.
Brumous Jul 12
My dearest Angelina โ€”

Your lips were as red
as the mistletoe that hung above us
on christmas eve;
Now your stomach was covered
with the color that I loved,
And your head hung low
when my blade pierced you
as it rained.
A poem for a series I really like, which I'll put on my fanfiction.
595 · Jun 2021
echo (1st version)
Brumous Jun 2021
I've been playing music so loud,
no matter what I do, my thoughts never sink and drown
I haven't lived a quarter of my life
yet every day feels a little shorter

I'm scared.

Time feels as if it's fleeting but, it's dreadfully slow.
How fast does this pace go?
I'm still not good enough,
it hurts

No one is chasing me.
These shaking hands can't hold a spoon;
I'm forcing myself to take a spoonful of knowledge,
to be something...
someone
591 · Mar 2021
Child's mind
Brumous Mar 2021
Knowing how vast the world is, makes me feel petrified
Yet, I am still in the mind box that I hide inside

I feel that if I take it off;

I'll see the fear and abomination
that always corrupted me on the outside.
So, I chose to stay within the walls of this box;
Instead of going through the fortress pain.

I knew that it has already destroyed me within.
587 · Mar 2021
Brivet
Brumous Mar 2021
Waves crash as I look into the azure sea,
all this greatness is what I see;
and things I can never be

As I dwell in regret;
in this vast ocean
you thought that
you can never see the glimpse of light;

When you've hit rock bottom.
Every time that I look at the home section; all I feel is envy and the helpless pain of the void;  I try to fill always remains fruitless
571 · Jun 2021
I don't know the world
Brumous Jun 2021
I'll wait for a few years,
to go out in the world
People are preparing me,
I know they need to

The world is confusing 'n such;
Many can be bad and harsh
But, now I prefer to stay in a big square box
fractions of solitude experienced in the dark
but uncertainty seeps through the heart
of an immature child that is yet to start
Time so fast, and time so slow.
This grain of sand, where to go?
563 · Oct 2021
roundabout.
Brumous Oct 2021
There are times where I desperately want to improve,
but forget to look back to see what I've accomplished.
too tired of it.
558 · Oct 2021
idle.
Brumous Oct 2021
we've been over this
and I know that you're
tired of it

I can't change so fast,
my pace is **** slow
I don't deserve you,
I'm sorry, I know that
I'm disappointing

I wanted to help you,
but I still feel like a burden

you deserve someone better,
and maybe someone like her

I'm trying to change,
but I'm too hesitant to speak

was it always like this?
yes.

-Br.
556 · Mar 2021
Present
Brumous Mar 2021
The wounds of breathing today,
Brews the anxiety of tomorrow.
542 · Oct 2021
humming bird.
Brumous Oct 2021
I've sung my heart out,
and now it's empty.
always has been.

-Br.
542 · Jun 2021
dissatisfaction
Brumous Jun 2021
they say that simple is best,
that's why its not a surprise
that I feel so complicated...
529 · Jun 2021
Soot
Brumous Jun 2021
A little child was selling
burnt matchsticks in winter

They came across a man
as the child ventured the street

"Mister, mister,
please buy my matches,
I'm hungry, and I require
blankets to warm me."

The man gave
no regard of the child,
he walked away.

The wind blew harder,
and it was colder
than before

The child came across
a farmer carrying a bag of hay,
and they tugged the farmer's shirt

"Mister, mister,
please buy my matches,"

He simply looked
at the child, then left.
.
.
.
.
.
After a few attempts, the child lost hope.
It was cold after all, so the child thought of lighting
the last matchstick that was not burnt like the others.

And, it lit but barely warmed the child
After a while, the flame dimmed.
Yet, the child can only observe
whilst longing for warmth

The petite child snickers,
as a wintercearig feeling settled within
"A matchstick can't burn that long, silly me."
u h, I was bored.
But, I was inspired by Little match girl.
There was no winter in my country.
523 · Nov 2021
Eventide
Brumous Nov 2021
.
.
.
I love you's,
I love you
Let me tell you something new,
I've been saying this to everyone
So that they'd do the same too.

Yet, despite doing nothing,
just being a chirpy little creature
They wanted to say, "I love you."
Which makes me doubtful;
uncertain if it's true.
I say, "I love you," and I don't mean it.
It's platonic :/
__
inspired by the chorus of Rรคt by Penelope Scott

-Br.
516 · Mar 10
Open wound.
Brumous Mar 10
Maybe you're the one I liked,
because you're everything that I wanted to be.

And not someone I want to love me.
515 · Jun 2021
echo
Brumous Jun 2021
I've been playing music so loud,
no matter what I do, my thoughts never sink and drown
I haven't lived a quarter of my life
yet every day feels a little shorter

I'm scared.

Time feels as if it's fleeting but, it's dreadfully slow.
How fast does this pace go?
I'm still not good enough,
it hurts

No one is chasing me.
These shaking hands can't hold a spoon;
I'm forcing myself to take a spoonful of knowledge,
to be something...
someone

swallow
no, don't.

you ended up vomiting;
isn't it great?

It's too early to soar high, bound by a plastic cage.
I stood by the lake and left myself to drown.
.
.
.
.
stay there for a while
511 · Jun 2021
violin
Brumous Jun 2021
your hips in my hand,
I'd swing you to no end
I'll hold you, darling
...please hold me too.

Then, maybe.
I'll be yours,
and you'll be mine
once again.
This is too romantic or some sorts-
God, too much Cruella, and I still haven't watched it yet.
Well, this ***** ad it doesn't rhymeeeeee
Brumous Apr 2021
I dreamt of memories we had,
while gazing at the mundane downpour of the rain
as each splatter plummets to the ground;

I slowly realized that it wasn't "us" who had them
It's just me longing for you...

Waiting underneath the summer rain, trying to mend;
I, who was in vain

If our realities weren't such a pain,
maybe our love---no, my love for you
could blossom along with yours;

Instead of enduring the agony
of being unloved by this fictitious you
I can't help but love you,
but it is you who is untrue.
506 · Jun 2021
Ego
Brumous Jun 2021
Ego
Too early

It was, is it not?
"No, you're wrong,"
I keep saying this to people;

Do I even stand correct?
Surely not.

I'm...
not yet.

Don't say it,
It doesn't feel so rewarding;
I'm not on a road
I am lost

Uncertain, and probably
delusional...
that's me

I'm standing still
it scares me that I can't move

Am I growing
or was I not?

Maybe, I thought I was.

What's with the words I speak?
I desperately think yet,
it cannot be written in ink

words are at the brink
of emptiness
so deep

What is wrong with me?
502 · Oct 2021
chords.
Brumous Oct 2021
i base my worth on likes and simple words
i know that this kind of thinking doesn't work
and that will never do.
494 · Jun 2021
A spirit's roar
Brumous Jun 2021
What's to shout when you're all filled up and sad?
You weep like a newborn child,
Don't sit there like an idiot gone bad



No, no.
Sing it out, be mad!
Say it in a melody, make a beat
as if it's your only remedy

Express the sorrow and frustration
pretend it's your identity

Say, "Whatever, whatever"
Like everything will be in jeopardy
Such melancholy can never dance with me



If I stay forever as a child
living carefree and blind from reality...

If I become an adult with restraints
as I reach for a goal continuously...



No!
I'll just be this sick ol' me
Giddy, confusing, with a thirst for epinephrine,
naive but still learning
I was inspired while listening to neru's songs and tried to make a poem with the beat of those songs and made a reference. So, I'll put the title of the songs below. (I can't put the link since it keeps getting an error)

Life Prolonging Treatment
Re-education
FPS
Whatever whatever whatever
How To World *******
492 · Jan 2022
lone droplet drop.
Brumous Jan 2022
These tears shan't fall,
my feelings are better as a rock

Try as I might,
when I break these moss-covered walls,
it'll just spew out a fruit salad of words,
along with the wretched dam,
that I've tried so hard to seal off.

So, being numb might be the best for me,
because I cannot pour these feelings out
without being mixed.
488 · Jun 2021
pt. 3
Brumous Jun 2021
He wasn't sure,
and this is what irritated him.
This sense of helplessness is what he despised.

"You're not fond of this, but all you talk about is yourself, right?"
.
.
.
.
.
You.
.
.
.
.
.
you,
.
.
.
.
.
you,
.
.
.
.
.

you.



How egotistical.
481 · Jun 2021
mixture to negativity
Brumous Jun 2021
Deadlines
Procrastination
Anxiety
and Doubt

That is the reason I never change now
Yet, I smile from the pressure.
I surely don't enjoy this,
it doesn't really change with time
still procrastinating.
469 · Jun 2021
candy
Brumous Jun 2021
If I had the chance to love you
I won't take it,


I'd love you from afar as I watch the clouds
wash over the moon with curtains of black
and showered with fragments of you
468 · Apr 2021
Water bed
Brumous Apr 2021
The itsy ****** spider went up the water spout
down came the rain of dreams they'll never gain
Out came the sun along with the blinding pain

Now, the itsy bitsy spider went up, and feel it all again.
pretty dark, eh?

I got nothing to do
448 · Mar 2021
Book.
Brumous Mar 2021
I want to be as happy people can be, and hide this lonely me

To take a quill,
And write a story,
Then find my real identity.
438 · Oct 2021
โ€”
Brumous Oct 2021
Tucked in a closet,
yet the depths of Sahara
kept in a small room
437 · Jun 2021
Frisson
Brumous Jun 2021
each note is a touch
that vibrates the mind
strands of hair stands
a whisper to both ears
amidst the silence.
435 · Jun 2021
flavored cigarettes'
Brumous Jun 2021
the scent of strawberry lingers,
but I didn't like how smoke
crowds your room
428 · Jun 2021
love?
Brumous Jun 2021
"you're so pretty,"

I was never the hopeless romantic,
but being in a state of this,
makes me panic
I have written love poems for the past few days and I'm not even in love with somebody
427 · Jun 2021
dawn
Brumous Jun 2021
sunset kisses
shared
in
the
moments
of
bliss

all
I know
is
that
you
can't reason
with this
Uh, I made this out of nowhere.
425 · Oct 2021
non.
Brumous Oct 2021
we follow with blindfolded eyes,
fearing our fears,

a breathless sigh.
424 · Nov 2022
set in stone.
Brumous Nov 2022
I criticize myself
under a microscope
devoid of all hope,
as I continue to display
the raging ocean
on a dusty shelf,
left all but forgotten.

******* by the century-old life
which I created, that was never there.
I breathe in the depravity and loss.
And of youโ€”the one that I lost.

I continue to fall under
the trance of repetition;
in addition to the grief
that crowds my vision

I have discarded
the golden arrow,
pointing to the right path,
walking 'round in circles,
how does each breath cost?

I am afraid that
I have grown to love the war,
the fear, the woe, and the anxiety of something
that looks so close but is far.

Now, every stroke of the painting
of the memories that I create,
engraved in the mind of the lonesome author
who does nothingโ€”but over-analyze it.
I have grown a few more sets of eyes,
it looks down on me,
observing...
analyzing...
424 · Oct 2021
silly little hiccups.
Brumous Oct 2021
I get these silly hiccups,
and it bothers me
but I'm far too sluggish,
so I let them be
a beat at a time.
420 · May 2021
Eloquence
Brumous May 2021
"je t'aime ร  la folie,"

that's what you told me;
and honestly

it's stuck with me,
tell me it is just platonic
or else
I might develop
feelings

that shouldn't be
for you
419 · Jun 2021
10:08
Brumous Jun 2021
"Love is blind,"

Was love even blind?
No, 'twas you.
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