.
.
the silence of the midnight sea,
was like the echo of society,
is this what was it supposed to be?
.
a grey cloud overshadows me,
I am withering.

i breathe out the air of dread inside of me,
and fill it up with kerosene,
oh hear me,
tis but tired me

light me up
til i cannot breathe.

.
.
.
I wish for things
that I desire,
and to these thoughts
at the end of the night,
you always keep me up
underneath the moon-lit sky

No wonder, I held in that insignificant sigh,
Perhaps to start that eternal high.

We dance in a stage,

where our lives,
identities, desires, and sin
eats us
.
.
.
.
like the plague.

We never stopped dealing with this procrastination,
but what is this fleeting elation?

The clock is moving in such motion,
one would think that it's your imagination;
Was it all an exaggeration?

Another day passes by,
With me not knowing why.

A grin is plastered on my face,
Like a maniac running from something he hates;
yet I still enjoy the feeling of the chase.

The tension made it an ill-looking smile;
then the idea was washed over me.
I feel this way because...

I was useless.

I was useless yet did nothing to solve this problem.
I'll idly do something as I remember all the things that should've been done,

It haunts me

every second,

minute,

and hour.

I was a menace,
A menace to myself and everyone;
Felt like an actor reading a script.

But then again, someone said that life and all is like a play
And the world is a stage.

It makes everything feel surreal,
Like a living dream.

My love for you is inchoate.
No, not chocolate.
I may not be as sweet
but I'll be something worth craving for.

And, good enough to be loved back.

Being envious is such a weird feeling.
This boiling rage coming from an empty being.

For I am not enough,
so I want more.

Fill the gap, as it consumes me all.

I dreamt of playing beside an open sea
But, I am just a ruptured piano and misplaced keys
I have no tone, just a sad melody.

.
.
.
melodies, delicacies & poetry
I indulge myself in these,
for I am drunk on emptiness
never to break free.


The life I am living as, is it--

The flowers of Anhedonia grows upon me,
Its roots engulf my whole being.
Serendipity long lost, Only the remains of this wintercearig feeling inside this small yet feeble vessel.
I don't know what to do or what to say; maybe to fill up that satisfaction I crave.
Mind slowly turning insane,
I keep things to myself, and that's all that I can say.
All the florets blossom in the longing shade;
of darkness that might never fade,

Anhedonia.

Fret not for being the submerged stone below.
You may hit rock bottom, and there may be nowhere else to go.
The surrounding water will harbor you from the noise.

All that matters is that you do not decide that you are bound to be there forever.

if you borrow the eyes
of those who envy,
you'll be surprised to see how much beauty
they can see— in every little thing.

Sunset skies to find
you who is blown away by the wind
and I who tries to flow along with them
as a fallen leaf of a maple tree

I wish that I can grow
a garden out of words

that way,
I'll be as comforting
like the cold breeze
on a blissful night

then, seeing autumn
will feel so right

but, instead of those

I have this
glaring eyes,
that angers my father
every time

I'm envious of how people can be like sceneries,
so beautiful and alluring

yet, I am just...

everybody
is after love
these days,
they want
to receive
loving words
each day
.
even I
want to be loved
but
.
.
.
I don't want
a partner

my back feels empty
my heart does too
the bed doesn't cover it
the pillow I shield myself with
never do

right now,
i can't be satisfied
it just hurts,
my heart hurts

...physically

I want to be as happy people can be, and hide this lonely me

To take a quill,
And write a story,
Then find my real identity.

Waves crash as I look into the azure sea,
all this greatness is what I see;
and things I can never be

As I dwell in regret;
in this vast ocean
you thought that
you can never see the glimpse of light;

When you've hit rock bottom.

I knew how stupid I was,
to believe you
without a second thought

But, I wish you'd remember
the touches of care,
the way I ruffled your hair

I wish they comforted you
as my words were fruitless
to express worry

when loose tears appeared
and slipped down your cheeks

I liked you
despite the lies told

Now, that's passed
I'm the one who remembers
and you forgot.

one drop of fruitless satisfaction
two spoonful of unease
three teaspoons of emptiness
four quarts of loose tears

a handful of frustration,
pints of jealousy
gallons of heaviness
dozens of music,
and a sea of thoughts

but a drop is enough for me to drown
My teeth hurts...

I like to please the likes of them,
though I am just a failure of a flower in a vast meadow
sticking out like a sore thumb;

I cannot do so,
to my displeasure.

every day is a synopsis
of a never-ending restlessness
that never gets anything done.

This heart filled with fury
that I feel ever so empty;
My mind was blurry,
while my fists are moving.

i base my worth on likes and simple words
i know that this kind of thinking doesn't work
and that will never do.

Everyone is walking,
and I'm here
standing alone

Time crashed
like waves--in the ocean
whilst it halted as
the shouts of silence began

I stood there til' the sun came to withdraw
from the moon's night sky;
All there is was the cold night breeze,
while the moon and stars accompany me

-Br.

Summer in the equator,
this fire burning inside me;
wounds me

I hate it
cool it down;
Now.

everything has its perfect ratio,
a little bit of this, a little bit of that;

I should've maintained the status quo,
instead of putting concentrated things,
and giving a lot more.

-Br.

they say that simple is best,
that's why its not a surprise
that I feel so complicated...

.
sugar, sweet, tooth-rotting ache
you're my sugarboo, you leave such a lovely taste---
an obsession that I will not take.

I've been playing music so loud,
no matter what I do, my thoughts never sink and drown
I haven't lived a quarter of my life
yet every day feels a little shorter

I'm scared.

Time feels as if it's fleeting but, it's dreadfully slow.
How fast does this pace go?
I'm still not good enough,
it hurts

No one is chasing me.
These shaking hands can't hold a spoon;
I'm forcing myself to take a spoonful of knowledge,
to be something...
someone

swallow
no, don't.

you ended up vomiting;
isn't it great?

It's too early to soar high, bound by a plastic cage.
I stood by the lake and left myself to drown.
.
.
.
.
stay there for a while

I've been playing music so loud,
no matter what I do, my thoughts never sink and drown
I haven't lived a quarter of my life
yet every day feels a little shorter

I'm scared.

Time feels as if it's fleeting but, it's dreadfully slow.
How fast does this pace go?
I'm still not good enough,
it hurts

No one is chasing me.
These shaking hands can't hold a spoon;
I'm forcing myself to take a spoonful of knowledge,
to be something...
someone

Too early

It was, is it not?
"No, you're wrong,"
I keep saying this to people;

Do I even stand correct?
Surely not.

I'm...
not yet.

Don't say it,
It doesn't feel so rewarding;
I'm not on a road
I am lost

Uncertain, and probably
delusional...
that's me

I'm standing still
it scares me that I can't move

Am I growing
or was I not?

Maybe, I thought I was.

What's with the words I speak?
I desperately think yet,
it cannot be written in ink

words are at the brink
of emptiness
so deep

What is wrong with me?