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Brumous Oct 2021
the silence of the midnight sea,
was like the echo of society,
is this what was it supposed to be?
a grey cloud overshadows me,
I am withering.
words are not simple,
that sometimes I just want to be a cloud.
Brumous Oct 2022
i breathe out the air of dread inside of me,
and fill it up with kerosene,
oh hear me,
tis but tired me

light me up
til i cannot breathe.
im so **** tired,
Brumous Oct 2021
Tucked in a closet,
yet the depths of Sahara
kept in a small room
Brumous Oct 2021
I wish for things
that I desire,
and to these thoughts
at the end of the night,
you always keep me up
underneath the moon-lit sky

No wonder, I held in that insignificant sigh,
Perhaps to start that eternal high.
Brumous Oct 2021
I am a coward
with little to no integrity,
who only chooses
what satisfies me.
𝐅𝐮𝐝𝐠𝐞𝐥= Pretending to work without actually accomplishing anything.
Brumous Oct 2021
We dance in a stage,

where our lives,
identities, desires, and sin
eats us
like the plague.
ᴅʀᴀᴍᴀᴛᴜʀɢʏ =
analyses social interactions as a series of theatrical performances. Normal life is compared to a play on stage and humans are the actors in the play of life.

[edit: I tried publishing this for over two hours, error.]
Brumous Oct 2021
We never stopped dealing with this procrastination,
but what is this fleeting elation?

The clock is moving in such motion,
one would think that it's your imagination;
Was it all an exaggeration?
I guess that I'm back.
𝖇𝖚𝖓𝖙𝖔𝖓𝖌 𝖍𝖎𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌𝖆 = 𝔞 𝔡𝔢𝔢𝔭 𝔞𝔲𝔡𝔦𝔟𝔩𝔢 𝔟𝔯𝔢𝔞𝔱𝔥

Brumous Feb 2021
Another day passes by,
With me not knowing why.

A grin is plastered on my face,
Like a maniac running from something he hates;
yet I still enjoy the feeling of the chase.

The tension made it an ill-looking smile;
then the idea was washed over me.
I feel this way because...

I was useless.

I was useless yet did nothing to solve this problem.
I'll idly do something as I remember all the things that should've been done,

It haunts me

every second,


and hour.

I was a menace,
A menace to myself and everyone;
Felt like an actor reading a script.

But then again, someone said that life and all is like a play
And the world is a stage.

It makes everything feel surreal,
Like a living dream.
"Sometimes people are clouds,
they pass by without saying goodbye"
Brumous Jun 2021
"Love is blind,"

Was love even blind?
No, 'twas you.
Brumous Jun 2021
If submitting
is the safe way to go,

I'd rather rebel
and shout it alone

To die trying
won't be so bad at all
Brumous Feb 2021
My love for you is inchoate.
No, not chocolate.
I may not be as sweet
but I'll be something worth craving for.

And, good enough to be loved back.
Brumous Feb 2021
Being envious is such a weird feeling.
This boiling rage coming from an empty being.

For I am not enough,
so I want more.

Fill the gap, as it consumes me all.
Brumous Feb 2021
I dreamt of playing beside an open sea
But, I am just a ruptured piano and misplaced keys
I have no tone, just a sad melody.
Brumous Jun 2021
I stand on top of their bodies
which started from their hands
that remained fruitless
in giving...
Brumous Jun 2021
A tear slipped
down your cheeks
so, I asked ​if you were okay

but you brushed it off
and didn't answer
Brumous Apr 2021
I am hesitant
to pour less words on paper
left to drift away
this is my first time writing one; although right now---it's somewhat fun testing myself in trying something new; its not that good yet but, it is worth the try :D
Brumous May 2021
I once had a crush,
but I was not in love with them
maybe I liked them a tad;

But, I don't want to have one anymore;
It somehow frustrates me that I gave too much,
adoration, things, and such

Who knows if there are more people out there that never
realizes the value of one's trust;
Brumous Nov 2021
melodies, delicacies & poetry
I indulge myself in these,
for I am drunk on emptiness
never to break free.

The life I am living as, is it--
I continue living as a corpse;

(I like to make the titles a part of my poems :] )

Isn't it lonely?
Brumous Apr 2021
I dreamt of memories we had,
while gazing at the mundane downpour of the rain
as each splatter plummets to the ground;

I slowly realized that it wasn't "us" who had them
It's just me longing for you...

Waiting underneath the summer rain, trying to mend;
I, who was in vain

If our realities weren't such a pain,
maybe our love---no, my love for you
could blossom along with yours;

Instead of enduring the agony
of being unloved by this fictitious you
I can't help but love you,
but it is you who is untrue.
Brumous Jan 2021
The flowers of Anhedonia grows upon me,
Its roots engulf my whole being.
Serendipity long lost, Only the remains of this wintercearig feeling inside this small yet feeble vessel.
I don't know what to do or what to say; maybe to fill up that satisfaction I crave.
Mind slowly turning insane,
I keep things to myself, and that's all that I can say.
All the florets blossom in the longing shade;
of darkness that might never fade,

Brumous May 2023
Fret not for being the submerged stone below.
You may hit rock bottom, and there may be nowhere else to go.
The surrounding water will harbor you from the noise.

All that matters is that you do not decide that you are bound to be there forever.
Sending myself a poem because I know I have an unhealthy habit of punishing myself whenever something goes wrong.
Brumous Jun 2021
What's to shout when you're all filled up and sad?
You weep like a newborn child,
Don't sit there like an idiot gone bad

No, no.
Sing it out, be mad!
Say it in a melody, make a beat
as if it's your only remedy

Express the sorrow and frustration
pretend it's your identity

Say, "Whatever, whatever"
Like everything will be in jeopardy
Such melancholy can never dance with me

If I stay forever as a child
living carefree and blind from reality...

If I become an adult with restraints
as I reach for a goal continuously...

I'll just be this sick ol' me
Giddy, confusing, with a thirst for epinephrine,
naive but still learning
I was inspired while listening to neru's songs and tried to make a poem with the beat of those songs and made a reference. So, I'll put the title of the songs below. (I can't put the link since it keeps getting an error)

Life Prolonging Treatment
Whatever whatever whatever
How To World *******
Brumous Nov 2021
if you borrow the eyes
of those who envy,
you'll be surprised to see how much beauty
they can see— in every little thing.
Warning! Daily usage can permanently poison the sight and emotions of the user.

Trust me, I've been wearing them for years :/
Brumous Apr 2021
Sunset skies to find
you who is blown away by the wind
and I who tries to flow along with them
as a fallen leaf of a maple tree
Brumous Jun 2021
I wish that I can grow
a garden out of words

that way,
I'll be as comforting
like the cold breeze
on a blissful night

then, seeing autumn
will feel so right

but, instead of those

I have this
glaring eyes,
that angers my father
every time

I'm envious of how people can be like sceneries,
so beautiful and alluring

yet, I am just...
Brumous May 2021
man, woman
I don't want to be that
I want to be me

instead of
keeping up with these
modern-day standards

oui, oui
I got nothing to do
just don't mind the title
Brumous Oct 2021
is after love
these days,
they want
to receive
loving words
each day
even I
want to be loved
I don't want
a partner
Brumous Jun 2021
my back feels empty
my heart does too
the bed doesn't cover it
the pillow I shield myself with
never do

right now,
i can't be satisfied
it just hurts,
my heart hurts

I've been feeling slight aching in my heart; it feels like it has been squeezed or something. I know that it hurts a little...

My back feels a little bit empty, but maybe I just wanted to be hugged like I hugged my friends. I wished they did it back...
Brumous Mar 2021
I want to be as happy people can be, and hide this lonely me

To take a quill,
And write a story,
Then find my real identity.
Brumous Mar 2021
Waves crash as I look into the azure sea,
all this greatness is what I see;
and things I can never be

As I dwell in regret;
in this vast ocean
you thought that
you can never see the glimpse of light;

When you've hit rock bottom.
Every time that I look at the home section; all I feel is envy and the helpless pain of the void;  I try to fill always remains fruitless
Brumous Jun 2021
I knew how stupid I was,
to believe you
without a second thought

But, I wish you'd remember
the touches of care,
the way I ruffled your hair

I wish they comforted you
as my words were fruitless
to express worry

when loose tears appeared
and slipped down your cheeks

I liked you
despite the lies told

Now, that's passed
I'm the one who remembers
and you forgot.
It wasn't love
Perhaps it was infatuation.

We aren't necessarily friends. They were somebody
...somebody I cared for
Brumous Jun 2021
one drop of fruitless satisfaction
two spoonful of unease
three teaspoons of emptiness
four quarts of loose tears

a handful of frustration,
pints of jealousy
gallons of heaviness
dozens of music,
and a sea of thoughts

but a drop is enough for me to drown
My teeth hurts...
It's painfully sweet.
Brumous Jun 2021
If I had the chance to love you
I won't take it,

I'd love you from afar as I watch the clouds
wash over the moon with curtains of black
and showered with fragments of you
Brumous Nov 2021
I like to please the likes of them,
though I am just a failure of a flower in a vast meadow
sticking out like a sore thumb;

I cannot do so,
to my displeasure.
I'm a nuisance.

Brumous Dec 2021
every day is a synopsis
of a never-ending restlessness
that never gets anything done.
It never ends, as much as I want it to.
Brumous Oct 2021
This heart filled with fury
that I feel ever so empty;
My mind was blurry,
while my fists are moving.
I think that I'm starting to have anger issues.
Brumous Mar 2021
Knowing how vast the world is, makes me feel petrified
Yet, I am still in the mind box that I hide inside

I feel that if I take it off;

I'll see the fear and abomination
that always corrupted me on the outside.
So, I chose to stay within the walls of this box;
Instead of going through the fortress pain.

I knew that it has already destroyed me within.
Brumous Oct 2021
i base my worth on likes and simple words
i know that this kind of thinking doesn't work
and that will never do.
Brumous May 2021
Everyone is walking,
and I'm here
standing alone

Time crashed
like waves--in the ocean
whilst it halted as
the shouts of silence began

I stood there til' the sun came to withdraw
from the moon's night sky;
All there is was the cold night breeze,
while the moon and stars accompany me

Brumous Apr 2021
Summer in the equator,
this fire burning inside me;
wounds me

I hate it
cool it down;
Brumous Oct 2021
everything has its perfect ratio,
a little bit of this, a little bit of that;

I should've maintained the status quo,
instead of putting concentrated things,
and giving a lot more.

Sweet, bittersweet, bitter.

I'm drinking coffee today (It's dark coffee). But, I didn't like it; I was conscious about wasting coffee so, I just threw in another instant coffee mix (a much sweeter/creamy one) and two spoonfuls of honey.

I should've settled for a more subtle coffee,
my tastebuds are confused but,
I somehow want more.
Brumous Jun 2021
sunset kisses

I know
can't reason
with this
Uh, I made this out of nowhere.
Brumous Nov 2021
I have come back to disappoint,
never was a surprise.
I hate filming myself,
but then again, why was I accepted there in the first place?

Performance tasks were never my thing.
Brumous Jun 2021
they say that simple is best,
that's why its not a surprise
that I feel so complicated...
Brumous Jul 2021
a shower at midnight,
small snacks at 2:22,
coffee at 3:14,

I stayed up all night,
to find distractions,
and waste some time.
I slept at dawn.

I only got two hours of sleep, but I don't feel tired.
Brumous Oct 2022
sugar, sweet, tooth-rotting ache
you're my sugarboo, you leave such a lovely taste---
an obsession that I will not take.
are you hungry for more?
Brumous Jun 2021
I've been playing music so loud,
no matter what I do, my thoughts never sink and drown
I haven't lived a quarter of my life
yet every day feels a little shorter

I'm scared.

Time feels as if it's fleeting but, it's dreadfully slow.
How fast does this pace go?
I'm still not good enough,
it hurts

No one is chasing me.
These shaking hands can't hold a spoon;
I'm forcing myself to take a spoonful of knowledge,
to be something...

no, don't.

you ended up vomiting;
isn't it great?

It's too early to soar high, bound by a plastic cage.
I stood by the lake and left myself to drown.
stay there for a while
Brumous Jun 2021
I've been playing music so loud,
no matter what I do, my thoughts never sink and drown
I haven't lived a quarter of my life
yet every day feels a little shorter

I'm scared.

Time feels as if it's fleeting but, it's dreadfully slow.
How fast does this pace go?
I'm still not good enough,
it hurts

No one is chasing me.
These shaking hands can't hold a spoon;
I'm forcing myself to take a spoonful of knowledge,
to be something...
Brumous Jun 2021
Too early

It was, is it not?
"No, you're wrong,"
I keep saying this to people;

Do I even stand correct?
Surely not.

not yet.

Don't say it,
It doesn't feel so rewarding;
I'm not on a road
I am lost

Uncertain, and probably
that's me

I'm standing still
it scares me that I can't move

Am I growing
or was I not?

Maybe, I thought I was.

What's with the words I speak?
I desperately think yet,
it cannot be written in ink

words are at the brink
of emptiness
so deep

What is wrong with me?
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